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From the Obama Ministry of Truth
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South Carolina on My Mind
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Dream Sequences
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Just Like a Woman
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Ben Stein's Diary
Showing the Flag
You never know who you’ll run into on the road to Philadelphia.
Monday
Here I am in Philadelphia at the
business center of the Loews Hotel, using an unbelievably expensive
Internet connection. Why? Because some evil soul hacked my computer
while I was in Greenville, S.C. a few days ago. It was almost
funny. I turned on the computer and a big black screen appeared
with white writing saying, “United States Department of Justice.” A
message said I had illegally downloaded software and thus my
computer had been disabled.
But, if I sent a money order to a certain address, the U.S. government would unblock my computer.
Based on long experience, I do not believe that is how the government acts. Plus, I have no idea of how to download or upload anything. So, I will get it fixed soon, when I get back to LA. Or else buy a new one. But why would anyone do something so mean? What’s the point? Just malice.
So… I asked my capable son, Tommy, what to do. He showed me how to run the machine in “safe mode,” which I did. But it’s hard to compose that way. An annoyance but hardly life-threatening.
I flew up to DC on Saturday afternoon from the great, friendly Greenville-Spartanburg airport. It was not quite as great this time. A large drunk man bumped into me and did not even apologize. A large woman next to me in the security line was wild with anxiety and fidgeting madly. She kept saying she had just gotten a new job “orchestrating telephony,” whatever that means. She was literally jumping up and down with anxiety.
Yes! Of course! She sat next to me on the flight, singing to herself, clapping hallelujah, crying out “lawd hab mercy” or something similar, waving her arms in the air, as much as she could considering that she was crammed up against me. She kept saying she had to get home, that she had worked hard that week and needed to be in bed.
I was overwhelmed with joy to get off the plane and say good-bye to her.
Naturally, she wanted her picture taken with me.
Still, I love Greenville. The main thing that’s great about it, two main things, are good sushi and friendly people. Well, also lots of very pretty women but I don’t look at them because I have my Julie waiting for me at home.
I found a house for my son and daughter in law and granddaughter, so if all’s well, they’ll be in the Palmetto State soon. South Carolina is a fabulous place. People do not have a bad attitude and they talk cheerily to strangers, and Tommy has a lot of friends there, so let’s hope he’s happy.
In DC, I mostly paid bills. I always have an immense pile of bills to pay. Lord, help me from myself. By far my worst enemy is my extravagance. BY FAR. I am not sure where I got it from, but it’s killing me. I guess I have said this before.
I also spent a lot of time watching a video of how my Canadian pals, the Vissers, paterfamilias, Mike, a videographer, view my life in LA. As I watched it, I realized that it seems like a fairy tale life — but someone has to pay for it. That someone is a fat old man named Ben Stein. But still, it is a glamorous life. It reminds me of a movie I once saw about a man who was told he would die in two weeks and went out and lived a fantastically lavish life for two weeks — only to find he had been given the wrong diagnosis and he would live a long time.
The problem is that I do not recall at all how he paid those bills! And yes, I easily can pay my bills, but I FEEL broke all of the time. Why is that, doctor?
Bob and I drove up to Philadelphia from the Watergate. We stopped at an IHOP. The man in the next booth was a brave Marine who fought in many wars and now is a firefighter. “I took classes at a community college,” he said, “after three tours in the Marines in Central America and Kuwait. A girl in the class said it was fine to burn the flag. I said, ‘You wouldn’t say that if you knew that the flag is sacred from the blood of the men who died fighting under it. You wouldn’t say it if you saw how they died for that flag and for you. And if you’re going to burn a flag, try burning this one,’” and then he pulled down his T-shirt and showed us an Old Glory tattoo right over his heart. Right at IHOP. I was deeply, deeply touched and hugged him for a long time. This America is an amazing place. This man, L/CPL Gordon, is my hero. God bless him.
In my hotel cafe here in Philly, I had wings and watched Rachel Maddow interview Paul Krugman. Dr. Krugman has gotten steadily nuttier as his predictions turn out to be more and more mistaken. Oh, well. He got the Nobel for hating Bush. Mr. Obama got the Nobel for not being Bush.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
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Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 1.29.13 @ 6:47AM
You lead an interesting life Ben. I too pay bills and wonder where it all goes sometimes but I don't care. You can't take it with you.
You mentioned public rudeness, how's this for an example? My daughter took my 3 year old granddaughter to a Caps game last weekend. At one point they were throwing coupons out for Chick-fil-a and as one rested in the air about 3 inches from my grand daughter's hand a big fat jerk three seats away jumped up and reached over and snatched it from her.
You have to wonder who would do such a thing. There was a time in my life if I had been present I would have pounded his face in, picked him up and thrown him down three aisles, and then really got to work.
However, as I've gotten older I've become more patient with public acts of rudeness. Sometimes I say something and often times I don't.
Maybe it's a collective sense of public entitlement that makes people so rude and without manners. It's hard to say.
Anyway, the next time you're in South Carolina, visit Myrtle Beach. Great restaurants of all varieties and friendly people. I get down there for several months a year.
There are rude people there too but they are usually the tourists from New Jersey and New York.
Frank Drackman| 1.29.13 @ 8:38AM
Umm might wanta avoid Myrtle during that whole "Black Biker Week" Thang...
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 9:58AM
True, that.
Anti-Statist| 1.29.13 @ 10:28AM
That's "just" the Memorial Day weekend. We have a place in North Myrtle Beach, and that week is avoided like the plague. You know that the week has so much economic potential for local businesses to start the summer, and they're stuck with BBW. And trying to be rid of it would cost even more.
Waccamaw| 1.29.13 @ 10:49AM
The South Carolina Coast is not known as the Redneck Riviera for nothing.
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 2:04PM
"The Grand Strand."
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 2:52PM
Waccamaw, the Redneck Riviera stretches from Panama City Beach, Fl. to Gulf Shores, Al. and is one hell of great place. If you ever get the chance, visit the Florabama Lounge. It's on the beach on the stateline between Fl. and Al. For lack of a better description, picture it as the redneck's answer to Margaritaville. Americana on steroids.
Butch| 1.29.13 @ 3:42PM
Absolutely the best place on Earth for a vacation, KJack, and I've been all over. Everybody's Southern. Great beach, gorgeous women, fabulous restaurants, the works.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 4:44PM
KJ;
I recall being there in 1999. I had just missed the mullet tossing contest. There was a young coed giving a class on the proper method to consume crawfish...
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 5:53PM
Al, now tell me she demo'ed how to suck the heads. Oh! To be young again.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 8:31PM
...and in her drawl said, "Suck the head, and squeeze the ta-il"...
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 9:36PM
You really know how to hurt a guy.
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 9:36AM
You could have said to the guy, "Nice catch, Pal!"
Kotorokun| 1.29.13 @ 7:56AM
I do so hate it when corpulent inebriates bump into me. It's even worse when they don't apologize! Heaven forfend!
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 9:37AM
And you can't even write a widely-read commentary about those fat guys!
R Martin| 1.29.13 @ 8:08AM
Mr. Stein, if you are spending any moment of your precious time watching Rachel Maddow interview Paul Krugman or considering anything Anderson Cooper might utter, you deserve to suffer the anxiety expressed in this piece.
BTW, I thought you and Krugman were kindred spirits in the efficacy of Keynesian economics.
TLP| 1.29.13 @ 8:13AM
"In my long experience, I don't believe the Government works that way."
"Do they Run Guns to Killer Cartels? Yeah."
"Do they Forge Documents to a Federal Judge? Yes."
"Did this President Campiagn for 5 Days, while New Orleans was Under Water? I guess."
"After watching the attacks on our Consulate in Benghazi (in real time) and then Giving the Order to Stand Down (thus leaving these 4 Men to Die) did this President get up and go to bed, so he'd be fresh for more Campaign Fund Raising in Las Vegas, and at Jay Z's House the next day? I guess he did."
"I just don't see him trying every trick in the book, to get More Money from me."
Does that make me Stupid?"
Not by itself, per se. But it's definately adding to the height of the Ben Stein is Stupid Pile.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 8:48AM
Check out the Colepatch article. It looks like an early entry for Friday.
TLP| 1.29.13 @ 11:40AM
Look at you, all excited.
I have this Image of you in my head, as one of those kids doing the: "I really gotta go pee Mommy" dances. The only problem is that you're not a little kid in the Image. You're still doing the Dance, but you're doing as the Guy I imagined you to be, yesterday.
I think I need an appointment with Occam.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 1:26PM
That's two days in the row you've commented on my (imaginary) bodily functions.
I concur.
OT may be able to help.
Meanwhile, I recommend that you read Colepatch.
TLP| 1.29.13 @ 3:14PM
Who's Colepatch!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 4:45PM
Hal G.P. Colebatch, who wrote the Caine Mutiny entry today.
Hardcard| 1.29.13 @ 8:25AM
Benny always on the hustle to make more buck$, travel here and travel there, you can't get enough. Have you been to the Cayman Islands to vist your stash lately? You can't take it with you in the end, so take a nice nap.
CJW| 1.29.13 @ 8:27AM
Ben
The same happened to me about two months ago. It is another internet scam for you to send money. It appeared to be from Nigeria given the wording of similar scams asking that ask you to send money to help someone get money from the government. For example, it said "You will suffer a loss of liberty" instead of the American, "You will be incarcerated." The spelling of some words was British. I was able to restart the computer myself.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 8:46AM
My wife got a similar notice, and if she would pay a $175 fine by wire transfer, the US Depatment of Justise would restore her internet privileges.
It reminded me of the scam that Reid Collins wrote about last year, where Panamanians arrested his grandson, but the DEA agent would help clear up his charges from his traffic accident if you'd wire him the fine.
CJW| 1.29.13 @ 5:47PM
"The US Department of Justise would restore her internet priviliges."
Were they behind the TLP loss of priviliges?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 8:32PM
I'm sure Eric Holder would rubberstamp if he could.
Marc Jeric| 1.29.13 @ 8:32AM
Establishment of jihadist regimes under Obama's Arab Spring program (done in Tunisia, Libya, Egypt; still to go in Syria, Yemen, Lebanon, Gaza, West Bank, Afghanistan, Iraq, Jordan), and with help of the existing jihadist regimes in Turkey, Sudan, and Iran is planned to proceed to the destruction of Israel and the associated mass murder of all Jews there under a close supervision provided by Kerry, Brennan, and Hagel. The Benghazi murder cover-up interrupted temporarily the transfer of arms to the Syrian jihadists; but it will continue after that interruption; Egyptian jihadists received 20 fighter jets and 200 tanks as Obama’s personal gift. This work will then inevitably earn Obama his second Nobel Piece Prize (his time for a real accomplishment – not like the first one given only on the basis of Hope & Change).
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 8:39AM
The mistake is to read what Ben has to say. The comments are better.
Peppermint Tea | 1.29.13 @ 1:05PM
Ben: "I wish I were in Idaho with my guns and my God."
Hmmm... Ben's God lives in Idaho? That would solve the Middle East if those pesky Zionists knew that.
Actually, Idaho has four temples (Boise, Twin Falls, Idaho Falls, and Rexburg) and they are building a fifth in Meridian. Sorry, but none up North in the panhandle, but there is one in Spokane.
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 9:40AM
Just an observation: it's not a disservice to your wife to look at pretty women. It's not even a disservice to your wife to have impure thoughts. It's not so good to write a nationally-distributed column about it, though.
And that Marine with the three tours, and he left the service as a Lance Corporal? Wow, promotion must come slowly in the USMC.
Balducci2| 1.29.13 @ 9:51AM
AFAIK Julie at home (the reason he gives in this column for not looking at the ladies) is his dog. Alexandra is his wife.
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 2:06PM
So was he calling the women dogs?
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 10:01AM
Oh, I don't know. My brother was promoted to E-7 four times. Think about it.
Bill8472| 1.29.13 @ 1:49PM
"It's a Marine's DUTY to get drunk and get in fights while on leave!"
Waccamaw| 1.29.13 @ 10:05AM
n
Anthony| 1.29.13 @ 10:19AM
Tisk, tisk Ben, that spam warning only pops up on people's computers who are downloading porn.
Oh well, your faithful readers aren't the least bit suprised. Does your shrink know? Does he approve? I bet he does!!!
What are some of your favorite sites Ben? Let me guess, comely German blondes (mostly women) with whips in Jackboots and skimpy Nazi uniforms.
I bet your pal DSK has his favorite web sites too. Probably involving Amazon African women.
WaffenSS| 1.29.13 @ 12:07PM
What is the site with German chicks in jackboots and skimpy nazi uniforms, what have I been missing.
Anthony| 1.29.13 @ 1:06PM
Can't help you WaffenSS, but if you ask nicely, I'm sure Uncle Ben will put you onto some steamy sites.
So steamy, Uncle Ben's rice cooks without sticking.
And if you're into kinky African Amazons, contact DSK over at the World Bank. Oh, and both Ben and DSK have a thing for Hillary as their school principal.
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 1:43PM
And Waffen, it it's hot Caribbean chicks (especially young ones - as in REAL young) you're looking for, check with Sen. Menendez. I hear he has the skinny on that.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.29.13 @ 4:48PM
...and some money saving tips, as well...
KennesawJack| 1.29.13 @ 5:54PM
Hah!
Michele San Pietro| 1.29.13 @ 11:14AM
To burn a flag should be a crime in my opinion, but I disagree with Ben Stein when he writes we should have kept dictator Mubarak stay in power and has a bad judgment of Arab Spring. People have the right to decide about their destiny in Arab countries, too.
Peppermint Tea | 1.29.13 @ 1:09PM
Have you noticed that 2 years ago it was an "Arab Spring," but now the Media including FOX reports Cairo demonstrations as "anti-government riots" ??
Michele San Pietro| 1.30.13 @ 12:15PM
That's normal... I have no symphaty for the Muslim Brotherhood, but Morsi, unlike Mubarak, was elected democratically, this is undeniable...
RCV| 1.29.13 @ 12:00PM
You're right, Ben, about Greenville, South Carolina. I spent a few weeks there once in an arbitration, and found the local folk lovely in every respect. It's a gem of a community.
Commander Kelly | 1.29.13 @ 5:16PM
Does Obama not have some degree of culpability for the death of now over 60k in Syria? Where is American leadership? For much more see...
http://americanconservativeinl.....pot.co.uk/
Dimitry_Aleksandrovich| 1.30.13 @ 3:34PM
There most likely wouldn't be 60,000+ dead in Syria if it hadn't been for the U.S. policy (whether directly or indirectly) of funding, arming and training the Free Syrian Army (which is a large percentage Sunni Islamist not unlike Al Qaeda). Why is it Egypt didn't descend into a civil war. Why hasn't Bahrain or the largely Shia eastern Saudi Arabia not descended into conflict as in Syria? The answer is that the US and their allies have been propping up the governments of Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Bahrain for a long time. It is in the interest of the US government to support autocrats in Saudi Arabia and Bahrain. As for Egypt, Morsi was educated at USC and I'm sure we still maintain close ties to the Egyptian military to which we just sold billions in military hardware.
Why Syria and Libya have been the only nations to face an armed revolt well I think the answer to that can be traced directly back to Washington DC and their European allies. Ghaddafi said and Assad have been saying that they are fighting Sunni Islamists no different than Al Qaeda if not Al Qaeda themselves and it is those Islamists that our government is now supporting (as we have for decades) to overthrow Middle Eastern governments that will not do Washington's bidding.
Dimitry_Aleksandrovich| 1.30.13 @ 1:42AM
I'd say hold off on moving to Idaho Ben. The Northwest may seem like a free zone, but not being an Aryan the thought of moving to Idaho unnerves me. If I'm not mistaken Coeur d'Alene is still the epicenter of the Neo-Nazi movement.
As for the flag. The flag is bittersweet for me. I love my country. Despite what people think due to my user name my roots are deep in America. Both my grandfather's served in the Navy during WWII, my paternal grandfather (UDT) cleared mines off the shore of Omaha Beach before the invasion of Normandy.
I love America and I know the sacrifices that many have made for this country and I know how deeply people love this country and believe in this country. The bittersweet taste comes not from the American people but from the American government and some segments of American business who have done their best to exploit the patriotic fervor of most Americans for their own gains.
Vstarrider| 1.30.13 @ 3:43AM
Yes Dimitry. Idaho is full of gun loving possible Nazis. Please stay away. Especially if you're from California. BTW, Ben already lives in Idaho about 60 miles north of Coeur d Alene.
As the saying goes: Idaho is, what America was!
Dimitry_Aleksandrovich| 1.30.13 @ 11:53AM
It's just my perception, maybe it's a wrong perception. Just like the perception of people who think anyone with a Russian sounding name is the second coming of Joseph Stalin (who was Georgian by birth) and a card carrying communist.
I am a proud gun owner as well. I'm a strong supporter of the Constitution. I have been a Republican since I was 18. Voted for George W. Bush twice (my mistake), voted for Ron Paul in the last two elections. So what if I am a staunch trade unionist? Pat Buchanan had strong support for trade unionists and has long opposed free trade as being detrimental to American industry and thus the American worker?