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The Nation's Pulse
Love It and List It
What makes the Home & Garden Television network irrestible viewing?
A few years ago, during the height of the real estate bubble, my husband and I set out to buy a house in an extremely glutted market; “a buyer’s market,” we were told over and over again. I can’t count how many times we shared a sardonic laugh over that phrase as we slogged through hundreds of listings in our search, which lasted over a year and finally ended with a great house. But not before my better half — a most punctilious, financial man — was tortured by the demands of an over-corrective mortgage process.
Somewhere along the line, to ease our pain, we picked up the habit of checking out the fare on HGTV, the Home & Garden Television network, to see if our heroic struggles were shared by other Americans. To some extent they were, but in most cases they hilariously were not, though to be honest, most of the shows on the network take place in the Great White North, so I don’t really know. I do know that some of these programs are a real hoot and we still watch some of them just for fun.
The first to catch our eye and probably the most popular is House Hunters, which features couples visiting three houses, then choosing the one that most fits their needs. We watched with eager glee, these earnest home-seekers, almost without exception give forth with the required HGTV groupspeak terms. Homes must have ”hardwood floors throughout,” be “huge” and “amazing” and my personal favorite, the ubiquitous proclamation that the kitchen area MUST have an “open concept” so homeowners can “talk to our guests while entertaining.” You could keep a scorecard on how many times these often inapplicable platitudes are uttered, and never be bored.
Along the same lines is Property Virgins, which, up until the end of 2011 starred Sandra Rinomato, a Canadian real estate agent who nurses first-time buyers through the perils of the search and buy process. This is the show that most closely paralleled our experience, though we didn’t need the sage advice of Rinomato to point out the pitfalls of property ownership. In the course of the program Sandra breaks down her charges from starry-eyed romantics to battle-scarred veterans who have been force-fed the dreadful realities of realty. The show always begins with the couple strolling down some idyllic street in a “highly desirable” neighborhood with a beaming Sandra, who soon crushes their dreams by quoting the price range in their hoped-for utopia. Were it up to me, Sandra would be in the U.S. Congress.
A startlingly tacky but curiously entertaining entry and one most representative of all that is wrong with America and/or Canada, is a show called My House, Your Money, which chronicles the foibles of young people who are eminently unqualified for home ownership, yet team up with enabling relatives for financial support; kind of like the subprime collapse in microcosm. This show was on prime time in the U.S. only briefly, due I’m sure, to the too-bad-to-be-true characters: from spoiled children who wouldn’t lower themselves to raise a paint brush, to indulgent parents who feign horror at the boorish behavior of their youngsters but usually hand over the do-re-mi by the end of the show anyway. If, as I’ve felt, this show is totally scripted, the writers should immediately receive a government grant for an anthropological study of college campuses.
Probably one of the most popular, certainly among my friends, is Love It or List It, which, along with megahit Holmes on Homes, highlights the bottomless depths of the ever-deepening pit of American and Canadian building codes. In Love It, a family must choose between renovating their current home — nearly always a cramped, row house — under the auspices of designer Hilary Farr, or moving to a new one, hand picked by realtor David Visentin. Although almost all of the episodes are suspiciously alike, it’s worth watching to the end just to hear David finally ask the homeowners: “Are you going to list it?”
Still in all, our personal favorite has to be House Hunters International. Conceived along the lines of “you are what you eat,” this show features people who feel that immersing themselves in new and often exotic locations will in some way help them to absorb the local culture; perhaps by osmosis. And make no mistake about it, the number one reason they seek abodes abroad is to escape “uptight” environments like Southern California. Off they rush with their children and upscale belongings — what do these people actually do for a living? — to the coasts of Borneo or some other such place to flee the evil influences of capitalism, only to inform their native real estate agents that they must have western toilets, dishwashers, and space for their king beds.… Talk about an open concept!
Letter to the Editor View all comments (18) | Leave a comment
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Appleby| 1.24.13 @ 7:11AM
I watch all the shows starring Mike Holmes and his crews; although I don't own property and don't want to own property, I have learned a lot about what is done wrong in the various apartments in which I have lived. The double sink in my kitchen, for example, has an incorrect sink trap because when water is run in one sink, sewer gas comes out the other. The other day I watched an episode of "For Rent" which is set in Toronto where I live -- young people, couples or friends, looking for top end downtown apartments for $5.00 a month, and are seriously shocked to find out what they can get for their money. This week I was home ill, and saw two young women seeking a place who eventually settled on the top floor in "a converted mansion" which was about 2 blocks from where I live where homes sell for $1 million and the average rent is $1200 to $1400 per month plus utilities. Having spent a lot of time looking for an apartment bigger than a bread box and upgraded in this century, I enjoy that show because the people are always so surprised at how little their money will buy. In a city where a 380 square foot condo will cost you more than $300,000, it's not surprising.
PJ| 1.24.13 @ 8:22AM
I think my favorite is House Hunters International. -------- Picking the country I would like to live in before Obama & ilk have complete control over my entire life.
I find it amazing that they portray socialist, highly-taxed Europe as a great place to live.
Le Cracquere| 1.24.13 @ 8:35AM
Those five little words every man dreads hearing: "Honey, I've been watching HGTV..."
Horatius | 1.24.13 @ 8:48AM
The reality shows about real estate have captured my wife's attention and I go along for the ride. Having built and sold, developed and moved on I have some experience in the industry. Our standard remark to just about any of these programs is to shout out, "where's the granite," just as the kitchen tour begins.
But I have an observation to make too. It's on the "couples" that the shows feature. One of the complaints Conservatives have these days is that the culture has gone to hell. The usual complaint is what we read in the plot lines of current best sellers, or what we view on the silver screen. Following Newtown the drumbeat included violence in movies, guns, you name it.
I'd like to suggest that it's also the blame of the "reality" -- not the ideal -- that is punctuated with shows like House Hunters and others on the cable networks. Recently House Hunters featured a mid-twenties male/female couple who had enlisted his mother [the real estate agent] to find them a house in time for them to celebrate their first anniversary of living together. The show termed it a dating anniversary just to be euphemistically neutral. That segment was followed by Rob and John's search for a new abode that would be closer to work and yet have the kind of kitchen John needed to excel at his throbbing hospitality skills.
Anesthetized by the acceptance of the deviant, America slouches toward Gomorrah, even while searching out something to watch on tv.
John Navratil| 1.24.13 @ 10:29AM
Horatius,
I, too, saw the "Dating Anniversary" show and wondered how two people could commingle cash without being able to "take the plunge." I wondered who would lend to a partnership, what the stresses of ownership would put on "dating", how they would disentangle themselves from each other and the house if it didn't work out. Mom didn't seem to have a problem with it - amazing!
One thing that can be said about cohabitating is that it begs the question: "What's next?" And begs it every day.
RichTex| 1.24.13 @ 10:47AM
Having watched several of the Mike Holmes shows, I can only conclude that Canada, where those shows are set, must have the world’s worst builders and contractors. Apparently, all you need to get a certificate of occupancy there is a cereal boxtop and 25 cents.
The House Hunters shows have clearly signed on to the homosexual lobby, since about half of all home buyers are gay couples. The little secret they don’t tell you is that all of the shows are basically fake. The buyers have already picked out the house they want, and have usually already purchased it. Frequently, the other houses they “consider” are not even for sale. The excuse they give is that they want to make sure that the buyers actually are able to buy the house they pick.
Doctor Right| 1.24.13 @ 12:48PM
There are some pretty pathetic home contractors in this country, too.
Try building an addition on your house...you'll see.
Appleby| 1.24.13 @ 4:36PM
Well, remember Holmes picks the people to help out that are in the worst pickle. I would say that Canadians are so unlikely to talk back to people who are, after all, working for them, that it's almost sinful not to take advantage of them. Why can't they SEE this stuff which is nearly all in plain sight? But then, I say that about my sisters, many times married yet always optimistic, too.
scotchieguy| 1.24.13 @ 10:54AM
Even more hysterical--or nauseating, take your choice-- is the Food Network. As a foodie, I used to love the shows, even Emeril when he first started years ago. I dropped cable, then got it back again recently. Wow, it changed! Instead of old-fashioned, "here is how to make authentic coq au vin," It has become ESPN. Everything is competition, with wild cheerleading and cheering from shows like Bobby Flay's "Throwdown," to "Iron Chef."
WTF? What do these shows have to do with learning how to make a dish. I guess in our ADHD lil world, if you don't hook 'em in the first minute, they grab the clicker and march to the next nauseating show on their 8000-channel delux cable/satelite package.
Bread and circuses indeed.
Frank Drackman| 1.24.13 @ 12:02PM
"Foodie"????
is that what they call bein a Homo now a days?
And you spelled "Cock" wrong, there's no "Q"
Frank
Doctor Right| 1.24.13 @ 12:59PM
Frank has now made three (3) homoerotic references, and one (1) reference to male genitalia.
Frank...your obsessions are NOT random; they actually mean things.
Frank Drackman| 1.24.13 @ 1:34PM
mean things? like those photos of your "Penis" you keep sending me?? And whats the deal with the donkey?? For the LAST time, I'm not into Dudes.
Frank "Anti Socialist Personality Disorder" Drackman
Doctor Right| 1.24.13 @ 12:49PM
I like the Food Network. And to answer your question, No; it isn't all about how to make a particular recipe.
Job| 1.24.13 @ 5:05PM
8000 channels and head ache producing 80 scene changes a minute in modern cinematography.
Frank Drackman| 1.24.13 @ 11:59AM
"What makes the H&G TVnetwork such irresistable viewing??"
Umm maybe cause you're a Homo.
I mean Chick, which is really just a Homo in a Female body.
I can safely say the only chanel I've watched less than H&G TV is.....
I was gonna say BET, except I'm a sucker for any movie with Chris Rock...or Mariah Carey's breasts.
Lets say CSPAN 3, (weren't CSPAN's 1 and 2 bad enough)
You know my fav-o-rite? and maybe its because I moonlight as a Pawnbroker(thats right Jack)...
"Hardcore Pawn" watching uppity N-words go all Rodney King when they find out their fake Rolex ain't worth Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee(the longest word in Ebonics BTW))eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-it never gets old...
Frank "Les Gold is God" Drackman
Seek| 1.24.13 @ 12:14PM
Why would anyone be amazed at the widespread appeal of this network? It simply takes Martha Stewart to a new level.
Doctor Right| 1.24.13 @ 12:41PM
What makes HGTV "irresistable"?
Not much, if you're a straight guy...
Frank Drackman| 1.24.13 @ 2:32PM
"Doctors" who admit to watching the Food Network shouldn't throw stones(like a girl probably)
Frank