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Alan Abelson, RIP
May 10, 2013 | 20 comments
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South Carolina on My Mind
April 30, 2013 | 31 comments
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Dream Sequences
April 26, 2013 | 62 comments
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Just Like a Woman
April 25, 2013 | 35 comments
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Missing So Many
April 19, 2013 | 41 comments
Ben Stein's Diary
This Is My Potomac Life
Then comes the ending, at Sunset and San Vicente.
(Page 2 of 4)
He was friendly and down to earth, no boasting at all, the sign of real class. The young women were delightful and I marveled at Mr. Dean’s social skills.
One of the women started out the evening with a bit of sarcasm, seemingly doubting that I was who I said I was. But she was soon smiling and pleasant. She turned out to be from Mongolia (although whether from Inner or Outer, I know not). The blond woman sitting next to me was over six feet tall, a highly accomplished financial regulator, and a black belt in karate. The woman across from her was a stunningly shapely actress model. The Mongolian worked for a defense contractor. The one next to her had the perfect name, Alexa, and perfect face.
They were all just dreams come true.
However, after very briefly talking with them (all excellent conversationalists), I had to make my apologies because — of course — I had TV early the next morning.
Still, I was entranced by the scene: the handsome, rich entrepreneur; the magnificent young women, the sushi, the James Bond movie. The women at the sushi place were far more beautiful than the women in Skyfall, and that is saying a lot.
Well, this is my life.
I went home and made a roasted chicken dinner for my wife. Then I watched a documentary about World War II and heavy fighting in the Marianas.
The world is so wildly unfair and I get the benefits of it nonstop.
Gratitude. That is my mantra.
Friday
Fox News. Helped to get miked up by a kindly Fox girl named Heather
Leigh Gustafson. Just as helpful as can be, tall and beautiful.
Lynn University grad. I spoke there about ten years ago and had a
great time.
In the makeup room, I fell into an argument with a man from the entities that make violent video games. I recall (perhaps incorrectly) that he owned some games himself. He said that parenting problems were the issue, not violent video games. Well, duhh? What would he say?
I told him our son spent whole weeks at a time watching violent video games and playing them and I thought it had hardened his moral senses. “That’s poor parenting,” said the game owner. “It’s not the games.” (Paraphrase.)
“It was poor parenting,” said the man, again, just to be sure I got the point of my own idiocy and weakness.
“Poor parenting letting him play the games,” I said. “That was the problem.”
James Buchanan, RIP, would have understood. I could hardly have expected this man who has gotten rich from violence on the video game scene to criticize video games.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (56) | Leave a comment
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Jack in Wi| 1.15.13 @ 6:53AM
I see you took my advice and are eating more at home, with the missus. Still way to many hot dogs and soft drinks. I have read that soft drinks and their chemicals cause a lot of depression in those who drink a lot of them. Give them up? Maybe you can get away from all those shrinks?
Jack in Wi| 1.15.13 @ 7:25AM
I forgot to mention that I thought Skyfall was one of the worst stinkers I ever saw. It was , in my opinion, the worst Bond flick yet. As for Bardem, I thought he was awful. I don't know why I didn't walk out? I went on your recommendation. Phooey!
Seek| 1.15.13 @ 11:22AM
I'll have to agree with Ben: "Skyfall" was fantastic, though there were many other films from 2012, especially "Life of Pi," "The Hunger Games," "Les Miserables" and "The Master," that can stand with it.
Stormzeye| 1.15.13 @ 9:36PM
That's perhaps the worst list of 2012 movies you could have made. What about "Argo", "Flight", "Lincoln", "Zero Dark Thirty"? As for "Skyfall", I have to agree with Jack (hard to type that) it was cartoonish and complete nonsense. Barden was more like a Batman villain than a Bond villain.
Frank Drackman| 1.15.13 @ 9:11AM
Soft Drinks and their chemicals??,
Well I'm drinking a Soft Drink right now, let me see, carbonated water, phosphoric acid, aspartame, potassium benzoate, cafeine, natural flavor, acesulfame potassium, citric acid, calcium disodium edta, panax ginseng extract.
Wow sounds horrible, but tastes great
Frank "I love Chemicals" Drackman.
Joellen| 1.15.13 @ 4:34PM
Sorry folks, am STILL reeling from Steins "it has great people, like my pal Eliot Spitzer". It's like a nightly nightmare that just keeps popping up. Please make it go away!
Cobalt| 1.15.13 @ 7:22AM
Mr. Stein's favorite film is set to be released on Blu-ray and DVD on February 12, 2013.
Rhoetus| 1.15.13 @ 7:56AM
Obsessed with Skyfall are you Ben? Well, that's better tan being obsessed with Richard M. Nixon.
Frank Drackman| 1.15.13 @ 8:44AM
Ben, the guy who copyrighted "Breathtakingly Beautiful" called, and he's pissed.
And what your doing's just a more sophistocated way of saying "Nome Sane?" "You Know", "Basically" or "Duh"...
And did you really say one of the 4 hookers with the young man had the perfect name, and the perfect RACE?????
Are you crazy Man?? When the "Clear Eyes" people hear about that you're done...
Frank
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 9:00AM
I'm at my table in the TV Room. Why do we still call it the TV Room? That TV hasn't worked for a year.
My Smokin Hot Wife has already left. She's a Fashion Designer, and she just finished doing a Golf Line for Nick Faldo. Looks and Money.
I get my older kid out the door, and now it's time to get the little guy going. First, a trip to the Can, as my Bowel Movements are as predictable as the Sun Coming up in the morning and Drachman talking Sh*t. You can set your watch by'em.
Now, I make the little one a Cold Lunch, get him on the Bus, and then it's back to you Losers. I'm pretty sure that I washed my hands.
We don't go to the Movies a lot, and I don't Stare at the Girls in the Restaurants, anymore, as the Squeaking as I rub up against the Glass tends to annoy and frighten some of the Diners. And, I almost never invite myself to a table, as I am not yet a Washed Up Has Been.
Do I have a Favourite Movie? "The Best of Times" with Kurt Russell and Robin Williams. "Galaxy Quest" with Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver. "Saving Private Ryan" and "Forrest Gump" come to mind. I'm sure I could think of more, but I have to feed the Dog, and I'm thinkin that maybe I didn't Wipe as good as I shoulda.
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 9:21AM
I'm back.
Went to the Mall with my Wife, on Saturday. Kind of a Date Night thing, but in the Daytime. While she was trying on clothes, I struck up a Conversation with another Asian chick by the Railing. I think she said that she was a Mongoloid, and that she had just come from a Workout. I could see that she was Very Fit and in Shape. Nice Rack, great @ss, and the perfect name: Fukmi. At least that's what I heard when she opened her mouth.
I could make out her tight abs under her leotard, but I couldn't see her Bellybutton, so I don't know of it was an Inny or an Outy. I laugh to myself as I wonder, if she had been German, would it be an Inny or an Audi? (I crack myself up, ALOT)
My wife finished her shopping, and we made our way home, for a long Winter's night.
She made Asian Food for herself and our oldest, and my little guy had a Corn Dog, while I finished off whatever the Leftovers were, unbeknownst to me that they had been in there long enough to be classified as a Sentient Life Form. I soon found myself where I had begun the day. Sitting on the Toilet, doing for free, what Purp PAYS GUYS TO DO on his chest.
This is My Life.
Cobalt| 1.15.13 @ 9:30AM
Thai food?
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 9:53AM
Purp doesn't pay guys to put Thai Food on his chest.
He pays them to put the end result of eating Thai Food at an All You Can Eat Buffet, on his chest.
Peppermint Tea | 1.15.13 @ 11:48AM
Still laughing. Keep it up, Timmy!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 11:00AM
Good imitation of Ben Stein.
It's a shame he trademarked his old game show.
Win TLP's Shirts(tm) would be an excellent venue (though you would have to switch it up each week to include underpants, bloomers, panties, Purp's blood test results, etc.).
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 11:36AM
Your Toupee.
Bob Grant| 1.15.13 @ 11:30AM
The last line, a classic. And completely out of left field!
And next time you are in a restaurant, pull a Blues Brothers:
"Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children! "
Occam's Tool| 1.15.13 @ 5:54PM
"How much for the leetle girl?"
Occam's Tool| 1.15.13 @ 5:53PM
Tim: listen carefully.
Here are your new favorite movies:
1) The Maltese Falcon. (Noir)
2) The Third Man. (Noir)
3) Casablanca. (Romance/War/Noir)
4)Duck Soup. (Comedy)
5) Horse Feathers. (Comedy)
6) Stagecoach (Wayne's first great film)
7) The Searchers (Ford's Greatest Film, and possibly the greatest Western Ever)
In addition: Advise and Consent (if you have NOT read the Allen Drury novels in this series, they are a must read---and it starts with this one). The movie is good, directed by Otto Preminger.
Get yourself reasonable speakers for your computer and enjoy. When you're done with these, ask me for some more.
All on Netflix or cheap to buy, or at your local library to check out. If you have not seen them (and you must have not,or else you would have mentioned them) do, my friend, do.
I liked Galaxy Quest, but that ain't there among my favorites compared to the above, not even close.
When you are done I will recommend some more, as I stated above. We'll get you through this bitch of a winter, my good sir.
Jack in Wi| 1.15.13 @ 5:59PM
Darn it Occam: I like all the things you mentioned. Advise and Consent was a better book then a movie.
Gary B| 1.15.13 @ 7:58PM
Occam,
The best Western of all time: "One Eyed Jacks." starring Marlon Brando and Karl Malden. It's a masterpiece.
Stormzeye| 1.15.13 @ 9:30PM
Absolutely correct Gary...."One Eyed Jacks" was fabulous but you can't ignore "Open Range" and a far better western than "The Searchers" was "Shane". By the way, "The Best Years of Their Lives" was a true masterpiece.
Frank Drackman| 1.15.13 @ 9:07AM
Ben, did you know everytime you fly cross country its the equivalent of a Chest X-ray??
It's a Scientiffical fact that Airline Pilots have a statistically significant higher incidence of Cancers of the Lung, GI Tract, and Brain.
OK, I just made it up.
Homes in Idaho, California, and the East Coast?? My Uncle Fredo had homes in Florida, Alabama, and North Carolina.
Well his 3 wives in Florida, Alabama, and North Carolina had homes.
Not a Mormon, OTR Trucker, didn't believe in divorce...
Frank
Peppermint Tea | 1.15.13 @ 11:59AM
I knew your Uncle Fredo. Saw him once at a truck Stop bar in Charlotte. He was crying and drunk.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's my wife. She moved to Mobile," he sobbed through tears in his beers.
"Well, that not bad...You drive through Mobile every two weeks!" I reminded him.
"Yes, but I already have a wife in Mobile," he said.
Frank Drackman| 1.15.13 @ 2:41PM
"Peppermint Tea"?
any relation to "Peppermint Patty"??? quite possibly the first Lesbo in Comic Page his-straw...
( I had my suspicions about "Nancy")
Frank "Stuck inside Mobile" Drackman
holmegm| 1.15.13 @ 9:10AM
"We had sandwiches made with tasty Pepperidge Farm bread, the best bread I know of."
I could *kind* of believe someone just being obsessed with a movie. Kind of.
But this? People just don't talk like this.
Do major companies actually do stupid celebrity blogging product placements? (In obscure political online magazines?) I guess I shouldn't be surprised. But I am.
Frank Drackman| 1.15.13 @ 9:15AM
"Fight Club"
Once you've seen it, you'll be dissapointed by every other movie.
And I saw it by accident, bought a ticket for "Wild Wild West" but stumbled into the wrong theater.
It's like the Zapruder Film, you know how its gonna end, but everytime you notice something new...
Frank "Do I give you the ass or crotch" Drackman
Bill8472| 1.15.13 @ 9:26AM
You're annoyed that the fat guy coughed throughout flight, and you make a sarcastic remark, ending it with "Pal," and you find his answer "Allergies" annoying.
Maybe it would be better if you returned to that upscale restaurant and sat around with the four beautiful women, having whatever fantasies you have when you do stuff like that. I bet you don't share them with your wife when you finally get home.
stmichrick| 1.15.13 @ 12:01PM
Bill; you may not have had access to such an experience, but it is possible to enjoy being in the presence of attractive women without having designs on any of them; kind of like being around beautiful objects without considering buying or stealing them.
Whoops, that just opened a can of something.
Bill8472| 1.15.13 @ 9:40AM
As to the fat guy, are you entirely sure that you're calling the right person a jerk?
stmichrick| 1.15.13 @ 11:55AM
Bill I think Ben's referring to the fat guys who are oblivious to everyone around them. Have you ever been trapped between two in an airline seat?
rjh| 1.15.13 @ 10:30AM
I have just clicked on my last Ben Stein piece...I am no longer curious.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 11:02AM
I just go right to the comments now, to be reminded why I needn't read what is above.
Alan's Girl| 1.15.13 @ 1:57PM
And I thought I was the only one that did that. I don't care what Ben thinks, writes, does, eats, or drinks. I just go to the comments & look for familiar faces.
C. Vernon Crisler | 1.15.13 @ 10:42AM
So Ben, you don't like violent video games but you go to see violent movies?
Peppermint Tea | 1.15.13 @ 11:54AM
Ben loves to ogle women, but in Skyfall there were no beautiful women, and they had no role in the movie. Okay the one abused woman, but what ever happened to the real Bond hoties? I went a couple of weeks ago on Ben's recommendation and thought there would be binders full of Bond Girls, like his diary life, but, alas, I was disappointed. "M" got all the good scenes with 007.
Maybe Skyfall had a lot to say about Oedipal relationships?
R Martin| 1.15.13 @ 11:13AM
"...perfect name, Alexa"
I always thought the perfect girl's name was Rama Lama Ding Dong.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 6:21PM
Since I read this around noon, the old Edsels' tune by the same name has been rattling around in my brain. As such, I've updated it a bit and made it topical, so for fans of Doo-Wop in 2013, here's another ditty:
Oh oh oh oh
I know a guy named Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong
He’s got a Vee Pee
Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong
They’ll never set us free
Barack and Biden, Biden
Oh oh oh oh
He’s got a wife Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong,
At last she’s proud,
Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong
She sees the White house says that it's mine, all mine
He loves to tell all what to do.
Ignore Congress we know that they’re through
You may be certain he’s the one in charge,
In the White House always livin’ large
Oh I know a guy named Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong
Took everything from me
Barack Obama , Barack Obama Ding Dong
They'll never set us free
Barack and Biden, Biden
Bob Grant| 1.15.13 @ 11:31AM
Skyfall Skyfall Skyfall Skyfall Skyfall
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 2:02PM
In honor of Ben's Bond obsession, and Bardem's creepy picture depicted over and over on this site, I offer the following ditty to the tune of Shirley Bassey's great bond hit "Goldfinger":
(Cue the brass section)
Old Clingers
There the ones, the ones with the God and Guns
Lots of Guns
Bitter Clingers
And to those who are not like me
Antipathy
Golden words that he said there on tape
From his lies now we just can’t escape
For the golden rule knows when he's rulin’
It's no rule of law
For all the Old Clingers
bitter fools, with your habits odd
He’s your new god
He’ll tell others what they want to hear
But his lies can't disguise what you fear
For an old clinger knows that he’s clinging
It's the grip of death ...
From all us Old Clingers
Silly fool, beware of his streets of gold
The country’s sold
He wants all the gold
all the gold
It’s too cold
Get into the fold
into the fold
He is the mold
Bob Grant| 1.15.13 @ 4:20PM
Very nice.
Can I add? I know lots of words that rhyme with "gold".
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 4:32PM
Please feel free to add or adapt as you see fit (Every day is now Friday).
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 6:16PM
I already finished The Contest.
I'd tell you where it is, but that would ruin it for you, for the weekend.
Joellen| 1.15.13 @ 4:37PM
Four Stars/Snaps Albert - but still, I need to erase that line "my pal Eliot Spitzer"; just cant get it out of my mind!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 5:16PM
Perhaps folks like Ben sometimes need to surround themselves with people with prominent moral failings in order to feel less sinful themselves.
TLP| 1.15.13 @ 6:17PM
I agree.
He should go visit his Boyfriend, in Jail.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.15.13 @ 6:22PM
That ought to make Ben feel really good.
stmichrick| 1.15.13 @ 11:53AM
I think that HOMELESS MAN(!!) was the Ghost of Christmas Future here in Obamaville. Certainly not Christmas Past or Present (the Low Information Voter) we would expect.
Cobalt| 1.15.13 @ 5:52PM
HOMELESS MAN......ghost of May Day in Obamaville.
WhiteBikerTrash| 1.15.13 @ 4:20PM
Ben my apologies, I misunderstood the title of this piece. I thought you were writing about your "Potemkin Life" Or maybe you are?
Rhoetus| 1.15.13 @ 8:27PM
+1,000,000,000,000,000
cicero| 1.15.13 @ 4:58PM
Sorry I got into this so late. I could have used the laugh much earlier in the day. We have to keep Ben writing if only so that Tim and the rest of you folks can comment.
hrgfue | 1.15.13 @ 7:40PM
2013 Happy New Year,NFL,NBA,fashion kickoff for u
CHAUSSURES FEMME AIR MAX LTD | 1.16.13 @ 4:02AM
The kids in Sandpoint are adorable, but I rarely visit with them for more than a few seconds at a time as I am riding my bike along the City Beach, so I cannot make much of a generalization about them. The ones in Rancho Mirage… well, Rancho Mirage is not a young person’s town. It is the town of retired people and a few people who sell us our medicines. So, again, I don’t know about them.
deehra| 1.16.13 @ 10:11AM
Ben, your gratitude to your parents is admirable.
It may surprise you that most of us of a certain age feel the same way, even without the political connections, or all the other stuff.
It must have occurred to you that we were Raised to respect our elders, while watching our parents respect Their parents.
The rest of us weren't exactly raised by wolves, but you knew that, right ??
Michele San Pietro| 1.16.13 @ 11:11AM
Ben Stein writes so wonderfully, it's a pleasure to read him.