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How Long Is This War?
May 20, 2013 | 11 comments
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Next: The Benghazi Select Committee
May 13, 2013 | 94 comments
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Nobody Died in Watergate
May 9, 2013 | 148 comments
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Benghazi Bullchips
May 6, 2013 | 184 comments
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Obama’s Thin Red Line
April 29, 2013 | 207 comments
Loose Canons
Annus Horribilis Comicus
If you think 2013 will be any better, John Boehner has a Plan C to sell you.
(Page 2 of 4)
APRIL began with despair in the Elysée Palace. Facing dismal polls, French President Nicolas Sarkozy recalled a statement by one of his most memorably pestilential predecessors, Charles de Gaulle, who once asked, “How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?” Sarko thus concluded that the cheese — not the French citizenry — was the problem and banned it from his dinner table.
It was a bad month for many, including Mr. Wesley Strom of Seattle who was arrested for car theft after pocket-dialing 911 four times. In conversations overheard by police, Strom talked to a pal about past and future car thefts and was subsequently arrested, joining the aforementioned Mr. Chance Bothe in the “dumber than his smartphone” class of 2012. Former senator Rick Santorum, having said that we might as well stay with what we have rather than vote for the “etch-a-sketch” candidate — i.e., vote for Obama rather than Romney — finally dropped out of the presidential primaries and reportedly asked Romney to help pay off his campaign debts. There was no comment from Forrest Gump on either Mr. Strom’s or Mr. Santorum’s predicament.
Ms. Diane Suarez of Cartagena, Colombia, had a better month than Messrs. Strom and Santorum, if less profitable than she’d planned. The pulchritudinous “lady” had a loud altercation with a Secret Service agent (with whom she had spent the night) over her fee, leading to the discovery that she was only one of nearly two-dozen “ladies” who had rented themselves out to some Secret Service on duty protecting Obama in Cartagena. Then we learned that the Obama campaign — forever raffling off chances for dinner with Barry — was selling chances to hang out with Barry AND George Clooney for $3 a ticket. Clooney, two orders of magnitude cheaper than Ms. Suarez, apparently didn’t argue with the price being charged for his company.
Before it expired, April featured “Earth Day,” when the chic fete the tree gods and worship Al Gore. This year, Earth Day was chosen for the official debut of the new Department of Energy award-winning light bulb, designed to replace the incandescent 60-watt bulbs, the manufacture of which is now prohibited in America. Each costs a mere $60, which is roughly about half the monthly cost of electricity for the average American household. Like the Karma sports car, the DoE light bulb isn’t a good deal even if you buy it with someone else’s money.
MAY began with the encouraging news that New Zealand’s college students created a new drinking game called “possum.” The rules are simple: climb a tree and drink until you fall out of it. France was not amused, claiming that the game was invented in Paris in 1789. Regardless of the game’s origin, the French practiced it diligently, throwing Sarkozy out in favor of socialist Hollande, who campaigned on the idea of raising French income taxes to 75%, reducing the work week to 30 hours and bumping the retirement age back up to the pre-Sarko 60. The Chunnel was briefly jammed by the last three capitalists fleeing France when they did a sudden U-turn in mid-tunnel after discovering that David Cameron was really François Hollande’s stunt double.
In apparent competition with the French, Greek voters — as allergic to work as their Gallic counterparts — managed to elect two failed governments in May. Impending Greek exit from the speuro (which some financial whizzes call the “Grexit”) sent the Speurozone leaders into a frantic planning session at which the shrugged Italian position — “eh!” — was immediately endorsed by the Spanish. As the Grexit approached, the Greeks were in a quandary, trying to choose their future in terms of a return to their old currency, the drachma, or a new one suggested by an Israeli comic which he called the “drekma,” probably more descriptive of the new currency’s value.
Sarko wasn’t the only genius to fall prey to May’s ravages. MSNBC screecher Chris Matthews finished dead last in a round of TV’s “Jeopardy!” behind CNN’s Lizzie O’Leary and former Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs. Matthews would have fared no better against Wile E. Coyote or Rick Santorum.
May ended with New York’s Nanny Bloomberg — having banned cigar smoking — trying to outlaw servings of sugary drinks sized larger than 16 ounces. Bloomie celebrated that most cherished liberal characteristic — cognitive dissonance — with a nearly-simultaneous announcement of his support for National Doughnut Day. I read that report in the comfort of my Virginia home while engaged in conservative multitasking. I was smoking a cigar, wearing my concealed weapon, and sipping a 20-ounce cappuccino all at the same time.
JUNE was an awful prelude to summer, complete with scorching weather, another Greek government, and the umpteenth “emergency” meeting of the Speurozone leaders. Breaking the sour mood, the “physics is fun” gang at the Swiss CERN research lab topped their 2011 results (which apparently disproved Einstein’s theory of special relativity) by announcing they’d found the “Higgs boson,” aka the “god particle,” which is the teeny-tiny subatomic doohickey that holds matter together. CERN’s top physicists, Zaphod Beeblebrox and Slartibartfast, predicted that the discovery would lead them to invent something called an “improbability drive” in 2013, which the Obama administration promised would be used to power a new version of the Chevy Volt.
The rest of June was spent parsing the Supreme Court’s Orwellian decision on Obamacare. The high court determined that because the individual mandate wasn’t a tax, the court had jurisdiction over the case (of which it would otherwise have been divested by the Anti-Injunction Act), and then proceeded to rule that it was a tax so the court could uphold it in a decision that had to have been ghost-written by Professor Irwin Corey in collaboration with Rachel Maddow. The government — not content to tax what we do — can now tax what we don’t do. Sources say that Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are collaborating on bills to tax many non-actions including when we don’t buy Chevy Volts, pay to see Ben Affleck movies, or buy bottles of Higgs boson-scented perfume for our wives.
June ended with a massive storm that knocked power out from Ohio to Georgia. The ever-helpful Washington Post printed a list of information guides intended to help people deal with the power outage, but the full text of the guides were only available online at the Post’s website.
As the power outage dragged on, JULY came upon us with a blast of heat unmatched by anything political. Well, anything political except the news that Ralph Lauren had decided to ditch those offensively-American cowboy hats and baseball caps to top our Olympic team’s uniforms. Instead, our Olympians were outfitted with berets and cute blue blazers made in China. Some newspaper said the berets made the athletes look like French intellectuals, which wasn’t right at all. To achieve that appearance, the Olympians would have had to be smoking Gauloises and sneering.
The murder rate in Chicago spiked so high that even Mayor Rahm Effing Emanuel noticed. He blamed the street slaughter on the Bush administration, a claim which MSNBC broadcasted non-stop for three days. Perhaps Chicago’s pain could have been eased by adopting the idea of the Robinson Funeral Home in Easly, South Carolina, which announced that it would soon have a Starbucks coffee shop in a new section of its facilities, unaffected by the Bloomberg cup size limits.
The Navy’s Enterprise Land Mobile Radio System — operating from the submarine base near Groton — was broadcasting on the same frequency as garage door openers in southern Connecticut, jamming their signal. The Navy refused to comment upon an apparently related report that the missile hatches on a ballistic missile submarine were seen to be flapping up and down after Groton residents mounted a push-button protest with their garage door controllers. Before July expired Mitt Romney — joining 007 and Queen Elizabeth — parachuted into the opening ceremony of the London Olympics.
AUGUST began with more heat and, as the Olympics rolled on, the International Olympic Committee debated whether it owed the world an apology for allowing NBC to inflict its feminist idea of sports coverage on the entire world. NBC apparently believes that we need to be punished for millennia of male domination in sports, giving us live coverage of nothing but events in which women competed or in which men competed in sports better left to the girls, such as field hockey.
About the Author
Jed Babbin served as a Deputy Undersecretary of Defense under George H.W. Bush. He is the author of several bestselling books including Inside the Asylum and In the Words of Our Enemies. You can follow him on Twitter @jedbabbin.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (57) | Leave a comment
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pogybait| 12.31.12 @ 7:51AM
In March; you also forgot the Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas) sponsored a House Resolution to have Mercury (HG) removed from the Periodic Charts as a means of fighting global warming and climate change. During early September, Romney’s election committee’s accusation of reporters doing Obama’s bidding had enraged the media so much that they demanded immediate instructions from White House on how to respond. Early on in October, Jay Carney admitted that leaks where proof that the President is fulfilling his promise of the most open and transparent administration ever…..just to add a few to the cocktail of absurdity of 2012.
CJW| 12.31.12 @ 1:18PM
Lee asked NASA for a photo of the Mars area where the astronauts landed, so I would not pay any attention to Lee. She is an idiot.
chuck| 12.31.12 @ 8:04AM
FREE TLP!
Quartermaster| 12.31.12 @ 7:05PM
Throw away the Key!
Stevet| 1.1.13 @ 11:02AM
I am new to this site. What or whom is TLP?
Stevet| 1.1.13 @ 11:02AM
I am new to this site. What or whom is TLP?
Von Mises Jr| 12.31.12 @ 8:28AM
The unemployment rate dropped in February per Rick Santelli as 1.2M people decided to join the Greek movement and refuse to work. Peter Morici informed that another 522K decided work was not for them in May in Omerica. Surprisingly, in September (right before the election) another 368K said no mas to work. So the great news is that 2.1M people no longer wish to be part of Obama's Obamanomics.
But surprise again, the Household Survey reported in September that 465K non-workers are now counted as workers since they babysat their sister's kids while she filed for Social Security Disability after her 99 weeks ran out. Since she still gets her period monthly, she is incapacitated and cannot work. Her husband is also not counted now, since he told the liberal that called his house for the survey that he works at McDonald's four hours twice a week so he can steal food in order not to starve.
So if you holdouts would simply refuse to work, file for Social Security Disability or work at MickeyD's sneaking a few fries to keep alive, Obama could easily get us to full employment.
vtwin| 12.31.12 @ 11:17AM
Did you happen to get the jobs lost numbers for 2012, resulting from companies moving jobs overseas?
c. j. acworth| 12.31.12 @ 11:34AM
Why no, I haven't seen those numbers, V. But why on earth would companies be wanting to move out of the US when everything is poised for such a rebound, as Obama gets his tax increases and the country gets Obamacare? Why, we're at the gate of a gosh-darned Garden of Eden here! (Aren't we ?)
Von Mises Jr| 12.31.12 @ 12:25PM
Did you see that Google sheltered $10 BILLION in profits from Ireland to the Netherlands to Bermuda avoiding $2 BILLION in taxes to Obama and his regime? I think that is an overseas tax shelter, is it not twitvin?
Did you know that we could have had the following economic growth from the Keystone Pipeline but it was not approved since crony capitalist Warren Buffet whom still owes $1 BILLION in back taxes has a monopoly on shipping oil and gas from the Dakotas and Canada to the Gulf via his railroads:
"An independent study estimates that during the life of the project, the Keystone XL project is expected to stimulate:
•More than $20 billion in new spending for the U.S. economy;
•More than 118,000 person-years of employment;
•An increase of $6.5 billion in the personal income of Americans;
•Increased gross output (product) of $9.6 billion; and
•More than $585 million in state and local taxes in the states along the pipeline route."
If you get really drunk tonight and fall on your head, you might make more sense in 2013.
CJW| 12.31.12 @ 1:16PM
Von
You are confusing the lefty libs with facts and logic.
Maybe Obama could pass a law to forbid "overseas jobs."
Of course, according to the lefty libs like Purpie, jobs to Mexico, Canada, and Central America, caused by NAFTA, passed by Bubba, are not "overseas " jobs because those countries are contiguous to the USA.
It is only an "overseas" job loss if caused under a Rep administration, or by an evil corporation following the US tax code.
Have a happy new year.
Stevet| 1.1.13 @ 11:08AM
Yeh, but who cares about all that when we can be enriching the lives of poor people by giving them Obama cell phones instead.
Frank Drackman| 12.31.12 @ 8:47AM
Go over the Cliff!
I wanta see that 10% bracket jacked up 50% to where it was during the Clinton Error, Pay Your Fair Share Bee-Otches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frank
Hardcard| 12.31.12 @ 9:21AM
It's the beginning of the end. I was watching a documentary last evening (2 parts) the first part was about the rise of the 3rd reich and the totalitarian state in the 1930's, I think history is repeating itself, we are in for a great deal of suffering.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 11:17AM
Chris Matthews never read the "Rise And Fall of The Third Reich"- otherwise he'd be wearing a brown shirt to work.
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 2:51PM
I watched it too, Hardcard, and thought much the same. Our current Public School system is derived from the ancient Prussian system. They fascist rise was enabled by the brainwashed populace, and the youth trained in the early 30s were the murderous army of the invaders. The thing that keeps me hopeful is Christ's promised return, which feels closer every day. We are on the precipice, but I read the end of the book and the good guys win, HC. He is faithful.
Appleby| 12.31.12 @ 9:21AM
Ban Frank Too.
SUBVET| 12.31.12 @ 9:31AM
How about a mormon hater...............she should be banned.
Frank Drackman| 12.31.12 @ 9:58AM
thats what your wife said,
or would have said, if you had a wife, and my (redacted) weren't in her (redacted)..
Now why don't you be like Rodney King, and just drown in a pool after smoking crack, I mean, J-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-ust g-g-g-g-g-g-g-get al-l-l-l-l-l-l-long
Frank
Anton C.| 12.31.12 @ 2:12PM
Are Frank Drackman and TLP the same responders? Their angry, unhinged voices are the same.
PolishKnight| 12.31.12 @ 9:47AM
I had forgotten about the Costa Concordia which we shouldn't because it demonstrates just how silly feminism and women's equality is: They're all equal until the lifeboats are lowered or the dinner check arrives. Perhaps this is why captains of ships tend to be male: because the hypocrisy of women's equality would be exposed as the sham it is if the woman captain was to run for the lifeboat leaving the men behind to look after her disaster.
A society that embraces the concept of "women's equality" while putting "women and children first" dehumanizes men. In China, they drowned little girls in river streams. In the states and Europe, "chivalrous" captains drown their boys (of legal age, of course) in the oceans.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 11:21AM
PolishKnight: That's Hillary, Diane, Barbara and Nancy, et.al. ('s) plan don't ya know?!
PolishKnight| 12.31.12 @ 1:22PM
The Republicans could be useful if they at least tried to put in speedbumps to slow the panzers down, but they either do nothing or even go along with the feminists due to hyper chivalry.
Anti-abortion does NOTHING for winning elections either short or long term. Zilch. However, the marriage penalty, anti-male divorce courts, affirmative action/reverse Jim Crow, VAWA, IMBRA all help create leftist/Democrat/feminist votes while undermining the Republican party's core electorate and ideological supporters (traditional values.)
Anti-abortion and gay marriage opposition isn't even a Panzer-slowing speed bump. Heck, these only embolden the left and generate a rallying cry. This last election is a demonstration of this situation and that there's a "cliff" the Republicans are going over. In a way, I welcome it. I wish these truths were evident 20 years ago when Republicans were fawning over "sexual harassment" laws and getting men fired for making fart jokes in the workplace. We live in a crazy society that would amuse George Orwell if he were alive.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 4:28PM
The Republicans have a Five Year Plan to destroy the Constitution while the Democrats want to "do it now".
C'mon Man!| 12.31.12 @ 7:31PM
Careful, Polish K, CJW believes family (feminist) court is NOT anti-male, and even has a male client who didn't lose his kids to prove it! I have seen too many cases in too many courts to know otherwise.
Appleby| 12.31.12 @ 2:31PM
If you check into it, you'll discover that only two ship disasters in history -- the Lusitania and the Titanic -- observed the 'women and chidlren first" protocol. (Mark Steyn has done this for you if you don't want to exert yourself -- look it up.) In all other major ship disasters, the proportion of men saved to women saved is embarrassingly in favour of the former.
Russel| 12.31.12 @ 9:59AM
Whatever , author . When I see Boehner's name , more important issues come to mind . Such as what the beloved dictator recently said about ' gun control ' . It sounded as if he will attack the 2nd amm . with the same enthusiasm as his constant campainging for Zerocare . Who will stand up to him ; who will tell the skinny little nincompoop to go play on the freeway ? . If I'm not mistaken , about all we have is the " Weeper of the House " ( the socialists finally pulled that one out of the drawer ) . Who else ? . The SCOTUS ? . The socialist dream of taking our weapons means coasting home with no obstacles . Their plan is coming together fine , since taking away an ' assault ' weapon is a foot in the door . Then it's on to pistols , et al . Nope , if Boehner's all we've got , we're in real trouble .
RJ| 12.31.12 @ 10:33AM
Can you feel all of the excitement from the liberals on the eve of new Obama taxes and the Obama tax rate increases ready to kick in? With the loss of Dick Clark, perhaps the networks will hire Obama to bring in the new year by dropping a dollar sign into the Potomac at midnight.
vtwin| 12.31.12 @ 11:24AM
Actually, we’re a little nervous the President might cave.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 11:28AM
His head caved in long ago.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 11:26AM
May President ObaMao drive a Chevy Volt over the cliff like Thelma and Louise.
chuck| 12.31.12 @ 3:04PM
You mean the Chevy "Dolt"?
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 4:29PM
NO, that's a Dolt driving a Volt.
vtwin| 12.31.12 @ 12:00PM
Wanted to share what has to be the best Fox “News” moment of 2012. Enjoy!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpoMWrW01h4
Quartermaster| 12.31.12 @ 7:09PM
For those with foresight, that was some of teh saddest news this country ever got. In retrospect, that judgment will be confirmed.
Petronius| 12.31.12 @ 12:09PM
By comparison, Wiley Coyote had a great year.
RABart| 12.31.12 @ 12:44PM
And as December comes to a close, the judge and jury at TAS place a ban on TLP's commentary. The biggest travesty of all.
Happy New Year Tim.
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 3:00PM
Ah, good, well said. A travesty. And I see some contestants are piling on.
To TLP, alias Timmy, God bless and happy New Year, friend. And please BBT.
cicero| 12.31.12 @ 4:00PM
The Pres had no intention of reaching a compromise deal with the Reps. The plan was to be able to tax the middle class, and those now off the roles, while blaming it on the Republicans. He is now there. The only hitch is the sequester, that will not cut enough spending to make up for the new bills that will come due. He will also blame that on the Rs. It all hinges on the American voting public being idiotic enough to believe in the scam. Oh, yeah, November.
As far as the "women and children first" drill, that came about as a result of the sinking of the HMS Birkenshead, off South Africa in the late 1800's. A group of soldiers were on board on their way to the ongoing war - either ZULU or BOER - when they struck a reef. Their commander lined them up in formation, and they held while the women and children were loaded onto the lifeboats. Most made it to shore, swimmingly, as they say. Many did not. Gallantry does have its place.
cicero| 12.31.12 @ 4:00PM
The Pres had no intention of reaching a compromise deal with the Reps. The plan was to be able to tax the middle class, and those now off the roles, while blaming it on the Republicans. He is now there. The only hitch is the sequester, that will not cut enough spending to make up for the new bills that will come due. He will also blame that on the Rs. It all hinges on the American voting public being idiotic enough to believe in the scam. Oh, yeah, November.
As far as the "women and children first" drill, that came about as a result of the sinking of the HMS Birkenshead, off South Africa in the late 1800's. A group of soldiers were on board on their way to the ongoing war - either ZULU or BOER - when they struck a reef. Their commander lined them up in formation, and they held while the women and children were loaded onto the lifeboats. Most made it to shore, swimmingly, as they say. Many did not. Gallantry does have its place.
Rhoetus| 12.31.12 @ 4:35PM
Why does Obama want to raise the marginal rates on select individuals making more than $250,000 when it won’t solve the deficit problem? When you start salami slicing groups like AGI over $10 million, AGI over $1 million and AGI over $500,000 - now substitute Russian-Americans for the first group, Polish-Americans for the second and Jewish-Americans for the third. It's all purely arbitrary and just as amoral. Especially when it does not solve the problem as it does not stop deficit spending, so much for utility and practicality. What is his reasoning then? Playing on the envy of others.
Republicans need to make this a moral issue and link it to actually solving a problem- the only effective solution is to cut real spending as compared to slowing the rate of growth (of government spending). This salami slicing of citizens that destroyed equal treatment under the law effectively destroyed our constitution and the morality of the nation.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.31.12 @ 5:26PM
At this time last year, I posted the poem below in anticipation of the New Year, and all it might bring. I post it here without alteration (except in the current format, I have to do it in more than one post), to demonstrate in some ways that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
With the coming of the New Year
And the setting of new goals
I will state my resolution
Of not to feed the trolls
The AS Blog’s a forum
Of ideas on the right
There is much disagreement
And often there’s a fight
On Israel or Ron Paul
To bomb Iran or wait
Catholics, Jews and Protestants
And why the Muslims hate
But throughout any vitriol
We really should give pause
And thankfully reflect
That its not the Daily Kos
For over in that corner
We never should forget
That most of those who post there
Are like KingoftheNet
Now I don’t mind a lefty
With whom I disagree
To offer an opinion
Like D Red or RCV
To hear another point of view
Is really not a sin
So I can take or leave
A comment from V Twin
But those who come here to this blog
The forum to usurp
With inane names and comments
Such as is done by Purp
Whether paid to post by Soros
Or merely off their meds
The content is obnoxious
Like the brain fog in their heads
So if their content I ignore
Til they go back to their homes
If I find I’m unsuccessful
I’ll just re-post my poems
And if my prayer does not come true
And on this site they linger
I’ll just ask God to give me strength
And restrain my middle finger
Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.31.12 @ 5:27PM
For with their words they do reveal
An absence of contrition
And only serve to fortify
A conservative position
And if I could write music
I’d set this to a song
And belt it out on You Tube
Just why they are so wrong
Instead I will just type this
And wait for a response
And if it is forthcoming
In MS Word bold fonts
I’ll probably just chuckle
As they write out their “your mama”
And sanctify accomplishments
Of Dear Leader Obama
And as their angry words reveal
The knowledge that they lack
At least there is awareness
Sometimes the words bite back
Pecos Pete| 12.31.12 @ 8:01PM
Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!
BBT!
Pecos Pete| 12.31.12 @ 8:02PM
And Happy New Year!
Best Wishes to All for 2013!
BBT!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.31.12 @ 8:10PM
Gracias, Senor Pedro.
Prospero Ano (ob ich habe mich es richtig erinnert).
I think we may see the return of TLP on Wednesday, once the regular editorial staff returns.
Until then:
BBT!
CJW| 1.1.13 @ 2:59PM
Pete and Albert
Happy New Year
BBT
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 3:08PM
To all my friends (a la Mickey Rourke in "Barfly)
happy and healthy New Year and grace and fellowship and love, throughout 2013!
BBT.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.1.13 @ 7:45PM
CJW;
Happy New Year to you as well.
BBT!
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 3:05PM
Snap. Snap. Snap.
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 3:10PM
That was to Albert.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.1.13 @ 7:44PM
Thanks much. Happy New Year to you as well.
BBT!
Job| 1.1.13 @ 1:42PM
add this AC:
and to Am Spec
if you've got a clue
you'll free TLP
cos he's better than you
Albert Constantine Jr.| 1.1.13 @ 7:46PM
...a worthy addition that I'm sure Tim would appreciate.
BBT!
Tina B| 1.1.13 @ 3:10PM
Ok Job. And to you. . . Snap. Snap. Snap. And God bless.
Purp| 1.1.13 @ 10:32PM
HA! The GOP caved and will allow a vote on the fiscal cliff deal tonite! What a bunch of spineless jellyfish.
Might as well lay down and get walked on and trampled... Great Reps they are, yep, great.
Michele San Pietro| 1.6.13 @ 9:34AM
I'm an Italian. My son and I had booked a cruise on the ship that sank because of Schettino's recklessness. Of course, our ship was changed and we could regularly go on our cruise. But over 30 people died because of that disgraceful captain. I hope he will spend at least a few years in jail.