The American Spectator

It was another bad year for liberals, as what had once been called “the New Right” consolidated its domination of American politics. The new tone was perhaps best typified on May 2, when President Patrick Buchanan laid a wreath on the tomb of Senator Joseph McCarthy on the fiftieth anniversary of the once-despised Wisconsin senator’s death. “We must rededicate ourselves to his ideals,” the President said, “and see to it that never again is a patriotic public servant hounded to an early grave.”

Other highlights of 2007:

January:
• President Buchanan explained that his decision to drop a hydrogen bomb on the city of Hiroshima was largely symbolic. “Santayana said that those who forget history are doomed to repeat it,” he told a crowded press conference. “Those who are tempted to use sharp trading practices against this country cannot choose between Santayana and sayonara.” He also listed ten more cities, including Tokyo, Mexico City, and Stockholm, as targets for future blasts.

• Pornographer Hugh Hefner, 81, was electrocuted in California after the Supreme Court rejected a last-minute appeal for a stay of execution. “This had dragged on way too long,” said Associate Justice Jerry Falwell. “Justice delayed is justice denied.”

• As the last known homosexual, Percy Piper of Los Angeles, died of AIDS, officials of the Food and Drug Administration acknowledged that they had been sitting on a cure for the deadly disease. “There was no need to release it,” said an FDA spokesman. “The problem was taking care of itself.”

February:
• Former Senator Edward Kennedy, 75, drowned, an apparent suicide, after driving off a Massachusetts bridge. Family friends said he had been despondent ever since his rejection by the voters.

• President Buchanan signed a major new tax reform bill establishing a sliding scale of taxation. Under the new plan, those earning less than $10,000 a year will pay 50 percent of their gross income to the federal government, while those earning more than $1,000,000 will pay no taxes at all.

• In Albuquerque, a routine police raid uncovered a huge cache of illegal condoms, apparently smuggled in from Mexico.

March:
• Air Force officials announced the removal of a final hitch preventing deployment of the long-awaited “Star Wars” missile defense system. “We hope to have a first-strike capability by Christmas,” said General Howard Tripp.

• Harvard president Jim Bakker announced that the venerable university would change its name to Boston Bible College. “We’ve got to get back to the original ideas of the founders,” he said.

April:
• For the fourth straight year, FBI statistics showed a sharp decline in the number of crimes against wealthy people.

• Seven more states ratified a proposed constitutional amendment barring the teaching of the theory of evolution in publicly funded schools and universities.

• The Supreme Court upheld the use of torture against criminal suspects, provided that all other methods of securing confessions had been exhausted. “Torture must never be an end in itself,” wrote Justice Gilead Simms for the 8-to-1 majority. “In the great majority of cases wiretaps, raids, informants, and threats should suffice to extract information leading to conviction. The excesses of the Miranda era cannot be invoked to justify excesses in the opposite direction.”

May:
• Citing health reasons, Justice Robert Bork, 80, announced his retirement from the Supreme Court. According to Washington insiders, the real reason for Justice Bork’s retirement was his discouragement at being the last remaining apostle of judicial restraint in an era of conservative activism.

• The Washington Post resumed publication after a six-month interruption. Managing editor Richard Cohen issued an apology for having published unauthorized Pentagon leaks and pledged never to do so again.