The American Spectator : The Honorable Backup

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The Honorable Backup

By Larry Thornberry on 11.28.12 @ 6:05AM

Let us here praise scrubs.

Word has just reached me of the death earlier this month of Myron Nathan “Joe” Ginsberg at 86. Ginsberg’s main claim to attention outside of his own family was that he was a catcher for seven Major League Baseball teams (Tigers, Indians, Athletics, Orioles, both Sox, and Mets) between 1948 and 1962.

There were few on-field highlights in the Ginsberg career, all of which was spent as a backup. His best day in the bigs was catching one of Virgil Trucks’ two no-hitters for the 1952 Tigers. His final MLB game was the home opener for the disastrously inept 1962 Mets (the team that inspired a book entitled Can’t Anybody Here Play This Game?).

Though Ginsberg played all or part of 13 big league seasons, he had fewer than 2,000 at bats in his career, hit just 20 home runs (I bet he could remember every one of them), and batted .241 between the Truman and JFK administrations.

Ginsberg was one of those guys — like Wayne Terwilliger, Rocky Bridges, et al. — who used their minimal baseball talent (minimal in relation to the stars — just making the bigs implies considerable athletic skill) to avoid legitimate work for more than a decade by playing baseball in the big leagues — a major league dugout presumed to have more quotidian charm than a mine or factory or foundry.

Outfits like Topps and Bowman made the names and likenesses of guys like these familiar to legions of young American boys by putting them on bubblegum baseball cards. I was a keen collector of these during the early years of Ginsberg’s career. Many a time and oft I peeled the wrapper off of a new card in hopes of a likeness of Yogi Berra, Stan Musial, Willie Mays, or Duke Snider, only to find yet another iteration of, you guessed it, Myron “Joe” Ginsberg (or Wayne Terwilliger, or Charlie Silvera, or Rocky Bridges, or Hobie Landrith, or…).

OK, I’m over the disappointment now. And in fairness it should be said that any lad who wished a complete set of cards had to have Ginsberg’s as well as those of the stars. None of the short pieces I’ve read about Ginsberg’s passing said anything about what he did in life during the half century between that final April game with the dismal Mets and his death this month. Though one mentioned that before he began his baseball career Ginsberg served the final year of WWII with the U.S. Army in the Philippines.

I hope it was a happy life. Ginsberg may well have been successful at something after baseball. You have to be both smart and tough to be a catcher at the big league level, even a backup. And he was always reliable when his number was called. Whatever happened post-baseball, he surely was able to enjoy that American distinction so few can claim, of being an ex-big-leaguer.

RIP Myron “Joe” Ginsberg. And God bless all those who played the Grand Old Game in the Ginsberg/Terwilliger/Bridges division. They too served.

About the Author

Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (298) | Leave a comment Leave a comment

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.28.12 @ 8:10AM

I love baseball, and collected the baseball cards when I was a kid. While I think I understand what Mr. Thornberry is trying to say with this article, I think he glanced off of a more important point.

While Mr. Ginsberg managed to eke out a living in the major leagues for about 14 years, I believe his more important achievement was his service to the country during the Second World War. While he asks the question of what Mr. Ginsberg did following his time in baseball, his time in baseball is part of the answer to the more relevant question of what he did after he helped MacArthur and his nation return to the Philippines.

CJW| 11.30.12 @ 8:27AM

Albert
You can buy a complete Topps set each year for about $60. I used them as gifts for my nephews. Had two friends that owned baseball card shops in the late80"s, the boom years of card collecting, and they did well. I still have about ten years of sets, all unopened, which will I give to grandchildren when I have them and they reach the age of reason.

sdfhlk | 11.28.12 @ 9:17AM

anything have their backround ,just like the The Honorable Backup
with the nice blog

Stormy| 11.28.12 @ 10:12AM

Someone once commented about a marginal player that any player that even spends one day in the majors had a good career. And, remember that the difference between the last man on a major league team and those players at AAA is just a matter of opportunity. There is little difference in skill or talent. They are interchangeable.

Occam's Tool| 11.28.12 @ 11:07AM

As my father likes to say to me, "Ock, are you in the top 50 in the world at anything?"

This man was a major league catcher for 14 years, even as a backup. At his position, he was one of the top 50 in the world for over a decade. That's not minor.

kjwb| 11.28.12 @ 5:21PM

My favorite scrub is Charlie Silvera. Though he played well before I was born, I find his story pretty special for a career scrub. He played 10 seasons, 9 of them with the Yankees during their glory years in the late 1940s and 50s. Though for his career he only got into 227 games with 482 at-bats (he was backing up Yogi Berra remember) he cashed 6 World Series checks totaling nearly $50,000 - a not insignificant sum for the time

William Tucker| 11.29.12 @ 3:31PM

Great piece. As a former owner of a complete set of 1951 Bowman cards (my mother threw them out, of course), I well remember all those utility infielders and middle relievers who filled the gaps between the occasional Willie Mays and Ted Williams. There's one thing I'm wondering, however. Is that picture really of Moe Ginsberg or is it the even more notorious Detroit sub, Reno Bertoia? Although I never saw Bertoia perform in a big league game - and I followed the Tigers - he was for several years the most duplicated card in my collection. His claim to fame, as I remember, was that he was born in Italy. How many major leaguers could match that?

William Tucker| 11.29.12 @ 3:31PM

TLP| 11.29.12 @ 3:33PM

It's Friday, again.

Can you believe it?

I wanna Thank everyone who showed up last Friday, for the Impromptu Thanksgiving Thanksathon.

I also would like to take this time to Apologize for all of the Apologizing I did to Gary B, and to point out that I haven't seen One Comment from that Son of a Bitch, since. Have you? No. He just Shows Up on a three day old Story, long enough to Piss Me Off, and get me to fly off the handle, and Embarrass myself.

Bastard.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah.

It's Friday, and it's time to kick off our shoes, and relive our Adolescence.

Weiner.

TLP| 11.29.12 @ 3:53PM

The Rules of the Game are still the same, with one small difference.

PAY ATTENTION.

I will take a Story from this week's Headlines, and put forward an Analogy that puts that Story into Focus.

I gotta pee.

I'm back.

Your Analogy can be a Movie, a Play, a Cartoon, a Play, a Skit on Univision, a Joke, or something from your Doctor about you needing a Cholostomy Bag or a Catheter.

This is where it gets DIFFERENT.

You DO NOT have to use My Story from the Headlines. You can choose any Story from this week, that you want. You can Piggyback offa mine, or Anyone Else's. It's your chance to take Control of your own Destiny here, at The Contest.

Give a Cliff note of the Story of your choosing, and then add your Analogy to it.

Keep it somewhat Clean, and don't be afraid to make fun of Kaminsky, along the way.

TLP| 11.29.12 @ 4:02PM

The Prizes are as follows.

For the Winner(s) I have Envelopes filled with White Powder, addressed to Gary B's house. (It's Baby Powder, but he doesn't know that.)

For the Loser(s) I have Envelopes filled with White Powder, addressed to Gary B's house. (It's Baby Powder, but he doesn't know that.)

For the Honourable Mentions? Do I have to write it, again?

TLP| 11.29.12 @ 4:22PM

My Analogy is based on this Fiscal Cliff Story, that's making the rounds.

The Republican House Members are locked in discussions with President Pathological Liar, and I think that we all know where this is headed.

My Analogy is Short and Sweet.

Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the Football.

You can Count On It.

Good Luck. Have Fun. And don't be afraid to Humiliate Kaminsky.

GO!

Bob Grant| 11.29.12 @ 6:12PM

Keep is clean!!!

Now there's some brass balls!

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:18AM

They're not "Brass".

They're Ben Wa.

And they help me think.

Bob Grant| 11.29.12 @ 6:16PM

Obviously I meant "it". Damn, the "s" is nowhere near the "t".

I'm off to another rousing start at TBAGN.

Don't worry, I'll finish strong.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 12:03AM

I used the Twilight Zone episode “The Howling Man” two weeks ago, and while it’s appropriate, I don’t want to recycle it that soon. So I’ll switch to “Night Gallery” and the episode “Lone Survivor” (not to be confused with Marcus Luttrell’s stellar book of the same title).

A ship at sea encounters a life boat, and rescues its lone near comatose occupant. The life boat is marked “Titanic”, but the crew on the rescuing ship don’t believe it, as the Titanic sank a few years before. Eventually, the survivor is roused, and confirms he was on the Titanic. There is argument and disbelief, but it is short-lived, because we learn that the rescuing ship is the Lusitania, and we see the torpedoes from the German U-Boat speeding toward its hull.

The next scene is the man solo in the lifeboat again, and he is once again being rescued by a passenger ship. Again, there is disbelief that this lifeboat (now from the Lusitania), could have been at sea so long with any survivor. As a crew member turns around, the ship’s name Andrea Doria is seen embroidered on his headgear.

As I hear reports from this latest fiscal battle, I can’t help but think it bears a certain resemblance to this tale.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 6:15AM

That is an excellent entry, Albert. The complete Opposite of the dreck that Bob Grant just doodled, above you.

I like that episode.

How great was Night Gallery?

That Show was the direct Opposite of whatever the Hell Bob Grant wrote.

(That means it was good)

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 7:20AM

I just read that Happy Jack article. I think he's trying to make 10 entries in the contest with it.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:02AM

No. He's trying to Co-opt it.

Remember what I sent you, concerning YOU KNOW WHO, and him Presenting the whole Contest Thing to the Head Honchos?

Now, a coupla weeks later, they throw this out, ON A FRIDAY?

And to see people who I thought were Loyal Subjects to The Contest, acting like Little Girls, is SICKENING.

You know what they say about Walmart coming in and Shutting Down all of the Mom and Pops?

That's exactly what's going on here.

Happy Jack Feder.

Give me a Fckng Break.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:35AM

They clearly haven't mastered the interactive aspect of this contest that inspires (or goads) the creativity.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 10:34AM

And they never will.

Like any Command Structure deal, it's a One Size Fits All.

Like Purp's Butthole.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 6:54PM

Tim, you got it wrong - you should be complimented that they copied you. However, no comparison, and note I only wrote a title of a film, no summary - save that for the master game!

Bob Grant| 11.30.12 @ 8:43AM

TLP,

That hurt. It was like a kick in the 'nads'. Right about now I'm feelin' like what Vincent Price is feeling in the Happy Jack article.

Oh, what I endure just to be part of TBAGN!

Bob Grant| 11.30.12 @ 8:49AM

But I expect no groveling from you ala Gary B.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:05AM

Groveling?

You're lucky you're not Banned!

Going to a Brand X version of TBAG?

Please read my response to Albert, above.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 8:09AM

"Night Gallery" is that a late evening snack on a ship ? I really didn't realize that the contest had all these complex rules. I'll give you a hint "cliff" co-star in "Red River" like eleanor. Now do I win??

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 8:20AM

Somewhere, upon learning of your mention of "Red River", John Wayne is working the lever of his Winchester, wondering if you're somehow mocking him.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:07AM

Tell The Duke that I'm lighting Hardcard up with my Laser, if he wants to take the shot.

mike 3/505| 12.2.12 @ 3:17PM

Pretty bold talk for a one-eyed fat man!

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:19AM

Abbott and Costello and their Baseball Routine. Remember: Who is on first, What is on second and I Don't Know is on third.

For today's first entry I'm doing the Fiscal Cliff Baseball Game, starring:

1b = Nancy "Smiley" Pelosi
2b = Harry "Jam It" Reid
SS = Charles "Chucky" Schumer
3b = "Uncle" Joe Biden
c = Mitch "Strongman" McConnell
p = John "Tanner" Boehner
rf = Eric "The Nose" Cantor
cf = Charles "Cleaner" Rangel
lf = Jesse "Shady" Jackson, Jr.

Home Plate Umpire = Barack "King" Obama

The opposing team = The American Taxpayer

Batter up!

1st pitch: Tanner throws a slider that misses the plate. "STRIKE" hollers the umpire. Batter looks at Umpire and raises an eyebrow.

2nd pitch: Tanner throws a hard fast ball that misses inside the plate. "STRIKE" hollers the umpire. Batter looks at Umpire and says, "Don't you know the rules of this game?"

3rd pitch: Tanner throws a knuckle ball that hits the dirt in front of the plate. "STRIKE" hollers the umpire. Batter makes an obscene gesture to the Umpire and walks off of the field, through the field house and out of the ballpark.

The American Taxpayer team follows the batter out of the ballpark. Game over.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 8:24AM

Now that you've expanded your repertoire to include sports, I tip my baseball cap to you, sir. Instead of the third pitch being a knuckler in the dirt, though, I think a beanball that plunked the batter in the gourd and was then called a strike would be even more accurate.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:09AM

I'm confused.

Am I supposed to be reading that to the Tune of Take me out to the Ballgame?

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 10:06AM

It is the Christmas Season, so I was thinking: Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:40AM

In honor of this contest's source article, I now offer ...

Boehner At The Bat

The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Tax Payer nine that day:
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cantor died at first, and McConnell did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the Tax Payers at the game.

A straggling few from TAS got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Boehner could get but a whack at that -
We'd put up even money, now, with Boehner at the bat.

But Ryan preceded Casey, as did also Jeff Sessions,
And the former was a lulu and the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Boehner's getting to the bat.

But Ryan let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Sessions, the much despis-ed, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and the Tax Payers saw what had occurred,
There was Jeff safe at second and Ryan a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the House, it rattled in the Senate;
It knocked upon the White House and recoiled upon the Court,
For Boehner, mighty Boehner, was advancing to the bat.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:41AM

There was ease in Boehner's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Boehner's bearing and a tan on Boehner's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No Tax Payer in the crowd could doubt 'twas Boehner at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance gleamed in Boehner's eye, a sneer curled Boehner's lip.

And now ObamaCare came hurtling through the air,
And Boehner stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the Act unheeded sped-
"That ain't my style," said Boehner. "Strike one," the umpire said.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:42AM

From the benches, black with Taxpayers, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted someone on the stand;
And its likely they'd a-killed him had not Roberts raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Boehner's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the National Debt flew;
But Boehner still ignored it, and the umpire said, "Strike two."

"Fraud!" cried the maddened Tax Payers, and echo answered fraud;
But one scornful look from Boehner and the Tax Payers were awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Boehner wouldn't let a Tax Act go by again.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:43AM

The sneer is gone from Boehner's lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Boehner's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Tax Payer Land - mighty Boehner has struck out.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:13AM

Absolutely Fantastic.

No matter if you Win, Lose, or just get Mentioned.

I'm putting Extra White Powder in your Envelope.

It was that good.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:32AM

Snap,Snap,Snap,Snap

mike 3/505| 11.30.12 @ 8:20PM

I turn over my king Sir.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 8:57PM

Thank God.

I thought you were Dead.

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 10:42AM

Alive and kicking....see entry someplace below

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 1:45PM

Oh, I saw it.

Expect the Cops.

CJW| 11.30.12 @ 10:35AM

Senor Pete
Muy bien.

Alan's Girl| 11.30.12 @ 11:20AM

AWESOME! I think that I will just very politely place my entry in the drawer. My greatest respect, sir! I am bowing low as I exit the room.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 3:27PM

We need your Entry, Alan's Girl.

The Contest goes until Saturday: 7 PM.

loulou| 11.30.12 @ 11:24AM

Brilliant, brilliant.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 2:04PM

I trust that's not your Entry, Miss loulou.

Or, is it?

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 3:28PM

Cause, I saw a lot more outta you on that OTHER Movie Site.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 6:57PM

Oh Pecos Pete - I prayed for a happy ending - can you do a retake?

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:22PM

Joellen: I too wish we could have a redo and retake our liberties. The only bright spot I can offer is that there will be another contest next Friday. Maybe something good will happen during the upcoming week to provide for happy endings.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 10:15PM

So true Pete, it must be as it is; and, true happiness is allowing the good to come about at its right time and in its fullness.

Your essay was worth the tear at the end.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 9:06AM

And just like that.................We're a Dating Service.

KennesawJack| 12.1.12 @ 4:01PM

Sitting on the other side of the world, jet-lagged to beat the band, but had to check out the competition. Pete, that was fan-damn-tastic. Prescient, too.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 4:19PM

KJ;

Glad you could put down the sushi and Kirin long enough to check in.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 8:41AM

Why is PP mocking my Abbott & Costello theme?

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 8:44AM

The finest compliment that can be paid is to use someone else's thought.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:10AM

Do you know what I'm thinking, right now?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:11AM

...or as I like to say, imitation is the most sincere form of plagiarism...

Tina B| 11.30.12 @ 4:11PM

Oh guys, Pete, Albert, yes, you too Robert, and you you little source code you, Timmie! You guys are the best of the best. 15 minutes of gut cramping laughter and I'm just sittin with my iPad and a few strange men. Better than the late show.
And Pecos, you outdid yourself and I was in goosebumps at the end. Thanks.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:19PM

Robert?

Don't be afraid to add your own two cents, Tina B.

You can only make this Contest Better.

Plus, we all get a chance to make fun of you.

Chop, Chop.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:21PM

You're sitting there with Strange Men?

Are you sure you're not Purp?

CJW| 11.30.12 @ 8:50AM

Movie: Godfather I

Scene: The bank conference room with all the dons meeting after the "war" to settle the drug trade market and bribing of politicians necessary for the drug trade. They compromise to keep their status, power, and money.

Obama has appointed Turbotax Tim as his rep to the meeting to settle the tax and spending questions. The dons are the Ruling Class we have in DC. They will compromise by raising tax rates on those over a certain amount, make a few illusory cuts in spending, there will be a temporary rise in the stock market, and the problem of deficits will be put off hoping the economy recovers to produce more tax revenues.
Everyone will keep their power and status.

But, down the road the Tea Party/conservatives/Republicans/conservative Dems will regroup and finally get sick of this and elect enough conservatives to deal with the deficit, just as Michael, when he finally was strong enough got rid of the Barzinis, the Tattaglias, the Greens, and traitors like Carlo.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:08AM

It's funny, because I was thinking of the Godfather as well. Regarding the fiscal cliff (or the election, for that matter), I'm thinking of the scene with Clemenza making spaghetti sauce in the Corleone kitchen, instructing Michael. Referring to the recently erupted war between the families in which the bodies have started to drop, and they are going to the mattresses, Clemenza says words to the effect of "We gotta have one of the every few years. It helps get the bad blood out."

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:16AM

That was really good, CJW.

Was this something that Purp posted the other day?

Or, is this yours?

(just kidding)

CJW| 11.30.12 @ 10:08AM

As Brando said to the undertaker, "What have I done to deserve this insult."

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:21AM

Speaking of haranguing Purp by re-posting his own words, has there been a live sighting of or a ransom note about Nick yet? (You're doing an excellent job picking up Nick's slack in this regard, by the way, CJW).

CJW| 11.30.12 @ 10:39AM

I think Nick takes a sabbatical ocassionally, unless he is still working on the neighbor's humidifier or furnace or whatever.
Thanks, I am following in Nick's footsteps. We could not make up the silly stuff written by purpie, novy, and the rest, so I will just post what they write, and we can laugh and mock them.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 10:43AM

Really.

And, what about Navritil?

KennesawJack's in Tokyo for some kinda Business thing. I can't remember exactly what is was.

I think he said he's a Professional Mime, and that he's doing Shows for The Japanese who lost their Hearing in the Earthquake.

Or, was it "Herring"?

He might have said that he's selling Herring.

Why would anyone use a Mime to sell Fish?

Interesting.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 11:01AM

Perhaps you would need a mime for those who lost their sense of smell in the earthquake.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 9:30AM

Hint # 2 British Field Marshal WWII.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:34AM

Now Kirk Douglas and Frank Sinatra are stirring from here to eternity, wondering who you could be referring to (and wondering if Mr. Robertson will be the next reference).

R Martin| 11.30.12 @ 10:09AM

What’s all this, then? Little Timmy does open line Friday?

My entry is a Gary Larson cartoon from 1980. Three men in a rubber life raft, alone on a vast sea, spot a small island with a lone palm tree bearing one coconut. They are just a short distance away so they raise their hands in a thankful gesture, shout for joy, point to their salvation and throw their paddles into the air.

However, the reader can see clearly the palm tree is the antenna of an angler fish. The coconut is a large eye. The island is the bare forehead of that huge monster fish who lies just below the surface showing a gaping mouth with large teeth.

As with Lucy and the football, no further explanation is required.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:17AM

Thus far, the life boats/rafts seem to be quite prevalent in the entries today.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 1:54PM

You are, indeed, The Soul of Wit, little Rickey.

Absolutely Hilarious.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 1:47PM

One of my Favourite Gary Larsons.

Joellen| 12.1.12 @ 12:13PM

Snoopy vs. The Red Barron:

It's the 21st century and we all have gone broke; we're controlled by a group whose set out to revoke - the constitution that once led this land - into territory that few here would want to command.

We've got a great group here - whose names are so many - we've got Albert & Tina & Pesco & Nancy, we have Von & Martin, Bob Grant and of course me, We have TLP who truly can lead; and of course we have CJW who refuses to concede to the likes of purp and his blindly led team.

This group of ours is, is ready to fight, like Snoopy the Red Barron did on that Christmas Night; and Oh Lord I am so honored to be in this place, with the likes of these soldiers who lead by their faith.

When Christmas does comes and we adore our true KING, the bells will be ringing all hail CHRIST THE KING, I'll shout out to my friends here at this facility - that all is not lost, cause we have been set free, by the blood of the MAN who perished for thee.

Christmas Bells are ringing, ringing through the land, Christmas bells are ringing in GOD's most cherished hands.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 1:10PM

...and pray to hear Obama claim "Curses! Foiled again." on the fiscal cliff debate.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 1:50PM

I hope Pesco Pete gets a chance to read this.

Don't you, Al Hurt?

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 2:16PM

I don't look anything like Al Hirt. My beard is longer, and grizzled. But I do one hell-uva-a one note imitation on a blade of grass.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 2:17PM

PS: Joellen is rocking this week.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:21PM

You're not Al Hirt. You're Pesco Pete.

Albert's Al Hirt.

It's right there in Joellen's story.

Joellen| 12.1.12 @ 5:13PM

OKAY OKAY I spell horribly - truth is I am always in a rush and never spell check. So for now own, know that I will spell incorrectly, use incorrect grammar and place my punctuation in the wrong place! And know this sincerely, I NEVER, EVER mean to spell anyone whom I respect,Pecos Pete, name incorrectly. Ok now that we got that straight - I still have one more eenie, meanie.

Eenie, meanie mighty BO, I wonder where he hides his smokes. His wife will tell us how much he's changed, me wonders if its all a stage.

Eenie, meanie mighty BO, could someone tell me where Michelle has strayed. Since the election she's hardly heard, has Obama shown her off the stage.

Eenie, meanie mighty BO, how good it would be for America to see, if Michelle & Obama decided to flee; where to, not one of us would care; just let it be far away from here.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 7:37PM

Joellen,

You deserve extra credit for your entry because heretofore The Mooch has received little attention at TBAGN.

She deserves all the derision her Jug-Eared hubby gets, and possibly more.

If the powers that be (TLP, Al, or those strangers behind the curtain) see this I would hope they reconsider adjusting their list of winners and perhaps move Joellen up a bit.

At least give her a special prize for calling out the witch.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 10:16AM

You mean Burt Lancaster, Kirk Douglas was in "Mr. Peepers does Marlin Brando". Hint #3 Wally??????

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:25AM

I stand corrected. Kirk was in "In Harm's Way"(in which Monty did not appear), Burt was Monty's co-star in FHTE (or maybe I meant Ernest Borgnine).

RABart| 11.30.12 @ 10:47AM

Thank you Pecos Pete! I really enjoyed your rendition of Casey at the Bat starring John Boehner. BRAVO!! I don't know what you do for a living, but you could certainly qualify as an excellent writer IMO.
P.S. No comment would be complete without an expression of gratitude for TLP. He actually gives me something to look forward to in these trying times. Thanks again.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 1:58PM

The best Thank You you can give me, is to add an Analogy of your own.

As Steve Jobs so famously said to the guy at Dow Corning, when he told Jobs that he wasn't sure if he could come up with the type of Glass that he wanted for his IPhones:"Don't be afraid. You can do it."

You can do it.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 9:13AM

I believe that Bob Grant told me that Pete works at a Horse Breeding Farm.

(Now, just let your imagination run wild)

Let's just say........It takes 3 to Tango.

If you get what I mean.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 2:06PM

I take back everything nice I ever said about Tim. Ummmm, have I ever said anything nice about Tim?

I'm thinking once I called him pretty. Or was it VERY Pretty? Yep, it was.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:22PM

It WAS "Very Pretty".

And, now you've gone and made me Blush.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 12:03PM

de nada

And I agree with you, TLP hit a home run with his Friday contest.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 12:11PM

And once in a very great while, TLP even does okay with his daily rants.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 1:59PM

Genital Warts.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 1:46PM

It's a "mad mad world" who went off the "cliff" and kicked the bucket ? the smiler played by ?

John II| 11.30.12 @ 1:58PM

Wasn't that Jimmy Durante?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 2:21PM

Would that he was here to sing ♪Yes, we have no Obamas ♪...

R Martin| 11.30.12 @ 3:14PM

Now that is funny.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 3:36PM

Especially when you consider that the Real Word was "Bananas".

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 3:42PM

If you remember the old Sid and Marty Kroft "Banana Splits Theme" (which my brother claims Bob Marley ripped off for Buffalo Soldiers):

One Obama Two Obama Three Obama Four
Four Obamas passing through the White House door
Add in Mother Robinson and that makes five
Fifty million people get food stamps to survive

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:27PM

You, Sir. Are a true Diamond in the rough.

"Four Obama's passing through the White House Door."

Pure Genius.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:42PM

Flatulence.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 10:20PM

Albert, how about "eenie, meanie, mighty BO, cant catch that fraud by his toe. He's going to Hawaii for 21 days, so we taxpayer has got to pay!

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 10:29PM

Let's try it again "eenie, meanie, mighty BO; cant catch this fraud by his toe. He's going to Hawaii for 21 days, so we the taxpayer has gots to pay"!

Or, let's do: Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum, Obama's got a lot to run. He runs the country to the ground, he runs the military out of bounds. He runs to dictators to bow and scrape; he runs to destroy the Christian church. Fe, fi, fo, fum, America is sick from all that Obama has done.

Good nite!

Joellen| 12.1.12 @ 8:44AM

Eenie, meanie, mighty BO, by now the world has got to know. Eenie meanie mighty BO is the one who has got to go. And if the world is still unsure, then watch as eenie, meanie mighty BO causes all to suffer more.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 12:40PM

It's all good Joellen.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 9:15AM

You spelled "night" wrong.

John II| 11.30.12 @ 1:48PM

Well, I'm back after a lengthy Thanksgiving break. Visited my kids and grandkids and didn't even glance at the news for days and days. I can't wait 'til Christmas.

Anyhow, Pecos Pete obliterated my initial idea for the usual musical adaptation, and since I can't even come close to besting Pete, I'll just offer a routine entry to keep things moving.

As it happens, I am reviewing all the old "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" TV shows of the 50's and 60's in preparation for the latest Anthony Hopkins flick. For the Boehner-Bammy encounter, I'm thinking of "Dry Run," first aired in November 1959.

John II| 11.30.12 @ 2:01PM

The plot of "Dry Run" is devilishly complex. But the point is obvious. Anyone want a summary?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 2:12PM

Young Walter Matthau awaits his credit, no doubt.

John II| 11.30.12 @ 4:50PM

That's a shorter summary than I had in mind.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:43PM

We're waiting.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 2:03PM

You do realize, don't you, that we're gonna need more than just a Title.

Just because you went and got yourself all Fat and Lazy, stuffing Turkey down your Gullet, doesn't mean you get to Phone It In, now.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 3:37PM

You're a former Champion, for GOD Sakes.

Tina B| 11.30.12 @ 4:19PM

I just wanna ask, does anybody else laugh loud, long and stupidly when they read TLP? I'd be embarrassed if there was anyone else home.

Thanks T.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:47PM

Sometimes, I really think that I'm the only one who thinks I'm funny.

Now, we are two.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 9:32AM

And, did I tell you that You Just Won The Contest, Tina B?

It's True.

But before I can get you all of those Wonderful Prizes, I'm just gonna need a few things from you. (You now how those Lawyers are.)

I need pictures for the Archives. Maybe one in a Bikini, and one in an Evening Gown. I'm being told that Strapless is preferred. (These aren't for me - that would be weird - These are for the Judges in case of a tie, and not weird at all.) Medical Records. A List of Inhibitions that you have long since stop having. And........(I'm getting something in my Earpiece) okay.......okay......they wanna know what kinda booze you like.

I'm tellin ya.

This job is hard.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 7:01PM

Tina B, I laugh with many of these fine folks - they're a good bunch, and make me STILL proud to be American and still willing to fight for her knowing these folks are on our side.

John II| 11.30.12 @ 4:52PM

Okay, Timmy. But I need to make up my mind whether to do the short summary or the long summary. I presume the contest is open until Saturday at 3:00 p.m. EST . . .?

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:49PM

Saturday at 7 pm.

Good Luck finding a West Side Story deal, for this one.

Goldwater Girl| 11.30.12 @ 2:04PM

I read a book in high school that I think was titled "Armageddon", but I can't be sure. It was about the aftermath/survival of a nuclear attack on the United States by the Soviet Union(yes, they did still exist when I graduated in the late 70's, but a girl never tells her age!) At any rate, the story was about the people that survived, and how they existed and were able to find each other to re-establish society after the radiation settled and it was safe to come out of your bomb shelter. My analogy is it's Jan 2017, and Obama is finally banished to Hawaii, and the TAS commenters are those that lead the American people back to a normal, prosperous life. There was a scene described in the book, when the main character encounters other survivors, after believing he was the only one. TLP's contests will keep us connected, and enable us to survive this next 4 years. Ladies and Gentlemen, the battle lines are drawn. Stay strong, and do what you can to reverse the garbage our young people are being taught in schools. That is where the liberals began their assault on America. Thanks TLP, you make me look forward to Fridays!

Goldwater Girl| 11.30.12 @ 2:08PM

Also, hats off to PP, I love the baseball analogy!

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 8:11PM

Who?

Stkman| 11.30.12 @ 3:29PM

Fiscal Cliff Story
Sung to "Take Me Out To The Ball Game

Take me out to the fiscal cliff,
hang the country over the edge,
but us some food stamps and medicaid,
let the illegals make a big raid.

Cause we'll cheat and lie for the democrats,
We'll commit fraud and feloniiiiieeees,

Cause it's Ten Trillion, Twelve Trillion, Twenty-Six Trillion more at the old Fiscal Cliff.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 3:39PM

That's more like it!

Stkman| 11.30.12 @ 3:29PM

Thats should be "buy us some food stamp and medicaid"

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 3:36PM

It doesn't have to be perfect, because it is all true.

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 3:58PM

Montegomery Clift is the correct response. You spelled clift (cliff). Yes Jimmy Durante. The financial cliff is where the moslem chief takes all our stuff and throws it off the aforementioned cliff. Shove that up your laser.The envelope please.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:53PM

Oh, you'll get an Envelope, all right.

Although, you might wanna refrain from Opening It.

Alan's Girl| 11.30.12 @ 4:13PM

There are those who have already bought
Into this meme without a thought
From their own brain to emanate-
Not a wholly original belief did create.

They take & vote, & vote & take
And buy into the messiah’s stake.
They cannot see he’s just a fake-
A vile & conniving one---this snake.

“He is so great” and so “very caring”
And they agree that WE should be sharing
What we have carefully stored away-
Saved for OUR use on OUR rainy day.

“You should be more generous to us!
We need your help- don’t make a fuss
We have nothing & you have so much-“
And so, to OUR golden dreams they clutch.

We cannot thrive in this great nation
If all we know is vex and taxation
Our future is set, but not for our kids
They must weigh for themselves & get off this skid.

We must teach them to think outside the box
And watch national rulers like a hawk.
They must see this country as it once was-
A government for the people, not a Santa Claus.

Have we truly done our part?
Or have we been lazy & not so smart
To have been back on our heels? Have we been caught-
To have allowed this to happen on our watch?

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 5:59PM

I knew you could do it.

Nice job.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 6:00PM

What are you wearing?

Alan's Girl| 11.30.12 @ 8:15PM

This weekend? My piano, sir.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:24PM

That's unbelievable.

So am I.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 8:56PM

In case you aren't aware, AG, the classic response to excellence in a poetry reading is to snap one fingers ( or at least, I seem to remember that from an episode of Happy Days or So I Married an Ax Murderer).

Snap, Snap, Snap, Snap!

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:59PM

AG: I'm reading from the bottom up for comments. Don't know why. I'm sure Tim knows why. Anyway... you are now in a tie with Joellen and Tina. I'd "snap" but then Albert would think I was stealing his mojo.

Very good!

Hardcard| 11.30.12 @ 4:38PM

edgar alan poetess. close but no corona!!

Stkman| 11.30.12 @ 5:31PM

I heard Obama singing Jimmy Crack Corn the other day. He had changed the lyrics a bit though.

Another Islamic country and I don't care,
Another Islamic country and I don't care,
Another Islamic country and I don't care,
Cause Isreal is going down.

So I came up with my own version of Jimmy Crack Corn.

We're gonna hang your ass and you're gonna care,
We're gonna hang your ass and you're gonna care,
We're gonna hang your ass and you're gonna care,
Cause were gonna bury you with a pig!

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 6:01PM

I smell Extra White Powder.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 9:08AM

Wee if Stkmn can get extra powder with that, I think I'm finally ready to enter this shindig called TBAGN or something, I need a little clarification here but that can wait.
So, to really enhance your enjoyment of my dirge you need to be old enough to remember the hit "Oh Donna," by Richie Valens, late 50's bopper who died in the plane crash with Buddy Holly. Good melody on his guitar and sweet song. (youtube has the real deal) My version is not so sweet: too long for just one "box"

O ba a a ma, O ba ma
O ba a a ma, O ba ma

I had a country
America was it's name.
Since one election
It's never been the same.
How I love my country.
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

Back in the fifties,
We sailed across the sea.
England to Cali,
My Mom, Dad and me,
We all loved a great country,
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

Chorus:
Well Obama, when you got in charge,
You knew just what do do.
All the fame, all of the power
For you,
You know it's true.

Mom and Dad taught me
To love what is True.
Taught me to pray
And to work harder too,
And to love my country.
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 9:10AM

Once it was wrong to
Kill babies in the womb,
To disrespect Jesus,
Who was risen from the tomb,
But it's all been reversed.
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

Chorus:
Well Obama, you are a Marxist
And you know that is true.
You've hated this nation,
Hated it's freedoms,
You love communists too ooh ooh ohh.

Now with Obama,
My country's split in two.
Red states and blue states,
The worst has come true.
We're no longer one country.
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

I find I don't speak to
Some friends I once knew.
They're under attack mode,
I'm not getting through.
They're all drunk on the kool-aide.
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

Chorus: (either one, I'm running outta gas)

I once drank the kool-aide.
Education at a school.
That's what they called it.
But the kool-aide wasn't cool.
So I quit with the teaching,
America where can you be?
Where can you be?

If you read the Bible,
You know what comes next.
The means of salvation
Can be found in that text.
So there's Grace in the suffering,
Wherever America may be.
Where can you be?

O ba a a ma, O ba ma
O ba a a ma, O ba ma

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 9:44AM

Hey PP.

You seein this?

And, can we stop calling this TBAGN?

If you pronounce that, like we do NASA, it tends to sound just a wee bit like TeaBAGgiNg.

Bob Grant started all of that Capitol Letter Stuff.

Interesting.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:45AM

Outstanding, particularly when you consider that Richie Valens met his untimely demise as a result of impact with the ground, which is a fate that awaits us as a country with the fiscal cliff plummet ahead.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 10:44AM

I see we have another showoff in Tina B.

I suppose my Toonces analogy will be relegated to honorable mention yet again, assuming TLP is in a good mood.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 11:14AM

O.M.G is for gosh. I was showing off. It's true. But you, Bob G are one of my final inspirations to go ahead and enter this TBAG (Timmie/Timmy's Big Analogy Game) when you misspelled is/it and your Toonces the Driving Cat entry/analogy ( I like both slashes/and parentheses()) nearly made me wet myself (although a lot of things have been doing that lately and. . . Where was I?
Oh yes, you Bob, are the bomb diggety.

Now, I have to go dig up some docs and pics for Timmie from my younger days, and write
my acceptance speech, (am I jumping the shark here?)

"I am so grateful to all those who made this honour possible. . ."

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 1:58PM

I don't know, Tina B.

Bob G is an inspiration?

I'm gonna have to ask my dog.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 1:56PM

I actually like the whole Toonce thing.

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 1:02PM

Great job, Tina.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:52PM

Tina: You and Joellen are beyond belief today. I'd call it a tie.

On the other hand, Tim is the judge and one never knows if he'll be sober, strung-out or feeling especially malevolent.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:00PM

Didn't you hear?

You're Pesco Pete, now.

It's true.

(loulou really needs an imaginary spellcheck button)

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:05PM

And, seriously. What's up with the Gals.

I'm thinkin Cat Fight.

Ya know, if there's a tie.

By the way, have you seen mike 3/505's entry from this Morning?

After I laughed my ass off for a half an hour? I subconsciously, got up and Locked all the doors.

And he's a 20 hour drive from my house.

Pecos Pete| 11.30.12 @ 6:56PM

Stkman has been drinking some good corn after working hours.

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 9:11PM

"On Borrowed Time" with Lionel Barrymore. Gramps & Nellie lose their son & daugher-in-law in a car crash. Gramps & Nellie love and want to take care of Pud (grandson) but the evil Aunt Demetria wants Pud only to take Pud's inheritance.

So we have Gramps & Nellie who represent patriotic Americans who love their country/Pud.
The evil Aunt Demetria of course is the more evil liberal/progessive Dems who wish to take the inheritance from those Americans who love this country and thought they would be leaving, upon their demise, a USA Republic with a fervent future.

Enter Mr. Death (Sir Cedric Hardike) who actually is doing his job and taking those whose time is up. Gramps cant leave though cause he doesnt want to leave Pud/USA to the evil Demetria/Dems. Think of it this way; Many of us wont be able to relax & retire, because we dont want to leave this evil mess the dems are foisting on our future posterity.

Although the good Doctor understands Gramps fight, he is torn, because if Mr. Death cant do his job, people will suffer and not be able to take the course of natural death. Now, do we the people ask our GOP to walk away and not deal with the devil, which would cause the collapse of this country and then pray and work to restore it or do as Gramps is doing, fight the good fight now to combat the evil Aunt/Obama/Libs.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:27PM

If Albert were here?

He'd be Snapping like nobody's business.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:39PM

Snapping is for poetry. Joellen, on the other hand, shows her great insight with her entry here. In this case, I bow deeply, and acknowledge the Master ( though in the case of Joellen, it is more appropriate to say Mistress, though I fear the term may be co-opted in a secular sense to mean something other than the acknowledgement of a superior entry).

Joellen| 11.30.12 @ 9:55PM

Now Gramps gts help from his housekeeper/AS commentors who help confuse the evil Aunt Pismire and even the good Doctor. Had them believing that Mr. Death would be taking them before Gramps. Tey flee; and Gramps rightfully takes care of his grandson.
Lets remember how easily confused and led Perp, Ralphie, etc.are. And see how quickly they retreat into their usual stance of insulting when confronted with facts; and when it gets too hard for them to think, they flee till they can get new talking points, which is usually just the same ole same ole.

Gramps actually said in this 1939 movie, "I cant stand these holier than thou folks - If a man is a good Republican, or a mason or an elk, that's good enough for me". Live & let live, that's my motto".
Alas, sometimes there has to be what seems to be a sad ending (see Pecos Pete's brillant essay). In the end Mr. Death does take Gramps and even Pud. However, it was a good clean death, and they are happy to be together in a good place, Heaven/America. Which can only be the same for us. There must be sacrifices on our behalf. We see it with our Military and their families. There's can be no compromise in our fight to restore America to what the founding Fathers fought to establish. Gramps did not compromise - even in a wheelchair, even facing death.
I leave you with Gramps parting words, "I am going away where the woodbine twineth". Can it be any more Americana than that!

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:18PM

Once upon a time, we were a culture where folks were willing at times to take one for the team, even if that meant diving on a grenade to save your friends (much less your family). Thank you for not forgetting that, Joellen.

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 1:03PM

Excellent, Joellen.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:44PM

Damn it, Joellen, you just made my prize envelope disappear. Well done!

Kwan| 11.30.12 @ 7:23PM

Headline: The Fiscal Cliff
Movie: Rebel Without a Cause
Jim Stark (James Dean ) is a new student at Dawson High School in Los Angeles. The school tough guys led by Buzz Gunderson keep pushing and challenging Stark/Dean until he agrees to a "Chickie Run", which consists of Buzz and Stark driving two stolen cars at full-speed towards a cliff and the first one to jump out is the chicken. The "game" ends in tragedy for Buzz when a strap on the sleeve of his leather jacket becomes looped over a handle on the car door, preventing him from jumping out before the car goes over the cliff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGUYsuYudVA
Analogy: Poor old Buzz is the economy that goes off the cliff when Obama's idiotic terms are not agreed to by the Republicans: $1.6 trillion in tax increases over 10 years, an immediate new round of stimulus spending, home mortgage refinancing and a permanent end to Congressional control over statutory borrowing limits. The proposal, loaded with Democratic priorities and short on detailed spending cuts.

Kwan| 11.30.12 @ 7:23PM

It looks like Obama and the Democrats are trying to show the electorate that the Republicans are obstructionists and that it’s up to the electorate to give the house back to the Democrats in 2014 so that the country can move forward. The house is slowing down Obama's plans to fundamentally transform the United States into Venezuela and he would like nothing better than to get rid of the troublesome Republicans.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 8:15PM

There's something about you, Mr. Kwan.

I don't know what it is.

I just know that I like it, and that I want more of it.

You're the Man.

Kwan| 12.1.12 @ 8:10AM

Thnx guys. Hope to garner enough points this week and the succeeding weeks, to have a shot at winning the contest Grand Finale Grand Prize: "Purp's All-Time Favorite Broadway Show Tunes" CD album.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 9:15AM

what? Is that one of the prizes? Oh shit I knew I shoulda rewritten my dirge one more time. I been wantin that CD.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 8:59PM

Kwan, you continue to make the brooding insightful entries. If you were a stripper, TLP would have placed at least $50 in one dollar bills in your garter.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:28PM

And my Head.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 8:18PM

Remember, everyone not named Al Adab?

The Contest runs all day, tomorrow, until 7pm.

Albert, where are you?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:03PM

I'm back after an evening/ afternoon out with the people, to find a way to channel their ideas back into the contest (being from Delaware, the home of VPOTUS Biden, plagiarism is the state past time).

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:31PM

I was wondering where you'd gone.

I thought I lost Cronkite.

I want you to know that I couldn't do this without you.

I don't call you My Rock, for nothing.

Thanks much, buddy.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:47PM

Friday from 4 to around 8 pm is Happy Hour. I spent the last 90 minutes of it celebrating the retirement of a colleague with whom I worked the last 25+ years. I was one of two melanin deprived faces, but we all had a lot of laughs (I'm grooming, but none were ready for the contest yet).

But now, we're back to Friday Night's excitement.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:18AM

What are you sayin?

That all the other faces were, what?

Watermellanin? (sorry, I couldn't resist)

Warrior| 11.30.12 @ 8:50PM

Take any headline and put the cast of Lancelot Link Secret Chimp to act out the parts. You have the Marxist and his administration. Cast as follows:

Lancelot Link - The Marxist
Mata Hairi - Plugs
Commander Darwin - Dingy Harry
Baron von Butcher - Boner
Dragon Woman - Nazi Pelosi
Creto - Holder
Wang Fu - McConnell
The Duchess - Moosh
Ali Assa Seen - Hildabeast
Dr. Strangemind - Great character name as it fits just about any elected official within 100 miles of the Beltway.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 9:06PM

While there is great temptation to ask you to stop monkeying around, Warrior, I think once again you enter the fight with a subtle yet subversive entry (and all my banana references are understandably nervous).

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:33PM

Obviously, you've found my weak link, in Lancelot Link.

You're killing me.

Warrior| 12.1.12 @ 11:37AM

Face it, I can post Lancelot Link references for any administration since GHWB plus Carter, Nixon and LBJ. It's a universal fit.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:08PM

I wouldn't advise that.

TLP| 11.30.12 @ 9:37PM

We've got all day Tomorrow, people.

Of you're like me? Saturday is like Detention.

Nothing to do. Nothing to watch. Just Laundry, what's her name, and Nothing on the Computer

Let's keep this going.

I'm game, if you are.

Vagina.

Occam's Tool| 11.30.12 @ 10:45PM

Hey, did I get eliminated because of the Leo Durocher/raft/shark/even the next day after you get your leg ripped off by shark// that I took from October 1964 by a baseball writer who is dead analogy?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:59PM

While only Tim is in contact with the judges, I think any entry posted on this thread will get fair consideration (though I can't speak for any sharks that might otherwise dismember, or those who can't the past years all remember).

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:06AM

(i think he might be growing crazy)

(i'm whispering. that's why it's all in small letters, inside of parentheses. so occam can't hear me)

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:21AM

GOING crazy.

GOING!

Damn it!

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 3:59PM

Maybe not crazy, just lost. I found this on Catron's thread:
Occam's Tool| 11.30.12 @ 6:38PM

The fiscal cliff: here's my analogy, Tim---

Leo Durocher was well known for being an aggressive asshole and banging hot chicks. Here's how an acquaintance described how Durocher saw the world: [this is not my original story. I believe that it is from "Summer of '64." OT]

"Suppose you and Leo are on a Raft in the middle of the ocean. Leo sticks his foot into the water and is pulled in by a shark. You rescue Leo, but in the process your leg is bitten off.

The next day, you and Leo start off even."

Leo is a stand-in for our Dear Leader, only much better with women and more successful and competent at his jobs (ML ballplayer and manager).

Howzzat?

Occam's Tool| 12.2.12 @ 11:00PM

Thank you, Albert.

Tim, remember, I have the Keys, as I tell my patients all the time.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:53PM

So far tonight, we have movies, TV, and poetry. Bob Grant has apparently ducked out early on, but hopefully, shall return. Meanwhile, while the tune to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" has been used tonight, until John II supplies the next show tune, I thought I'd add a musical number to the entries.

It might be a sign of age to remember when Tom Jones had a TV variety show. Whether or not that is recalled, though, if you remember the tune to his hit "Delilah", please sing along:

Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.30.12 @ 10:55PM

I saw the shadow of debt as it dropped on my country
I saw the flickering curve of Laffer fade away
We-e-e’ll raise upper tax rates only
and end the deficit by making only the rich pay

Pre sid ent O ba ma
Pre si dent O ba ma
You can spend
As long as the Chinese can lend
And taxpayers pay out their interest until it can end

Then came November and somehow you won reelection
With fraud and your turnout somehow you could get enough votes
Yo--oou won your next term
While all around you the taxpayers head for lifeboats

Pre sid ent O ba ma
Pre si dent O ba ma
Just ignore
Post election Jersey shore
You don’t need no New York votes any more

He spent six months and a billion to demonize Romney
Told all the voters that Osama bin Laden was dead
So- you should pay more taxes
And should thank Gaia for who was sent to be the head

Pre sid ent O ba ma
Pre si dent O ba ma
So before
FEMA and welfare assure
We roll off the cliff and we learn that the worse is in store

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:37PM

Snap!Snap!Snap!Snap!

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:10PM

I'm told that's for Poetry, Pesco.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 2:38PM

What? You don't like Albert's poetry? He's gonna be way way way disappointed. ([{with hurt feelings}])

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:30PM

"Hirt" feelings.

John II| 12.1.12 @ 12:13AM

Nice parting shot, Al. Awful quiet around here now.

Anyhow, here's the low-down on "Dry Run," the episode of "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" aired in November 1959, when the Professor was not yet even a gleam in the eye of his degenerate daddy.

The show opens with a mob boss named Barberosa (David White: one of those actors whose face everyone knew in the 1950's but whose name no one knew, except me) telling his wanna-be stooge, a very young punk named Art (Robert Vaughn, always well-cast as a liberal punk), that he (Barberosa) is going to give him (Art) a "dry run" to test his reliability.

Barberosa owes a fellow mobster 10 G's, and so he commissions Art to take an envelope stuffed with a hundred C-notes (so to speak: hey, it's the late 1950's, and the dialogue is still stuck in the mid-1930's), I say, to take the dough to Moran, the fellow mobster who holes up in one of his wineries. [To be continued]

John II| 12.1.12 @ 12:16AM

Moran is played by a 39-year-old Walter Matthau, who played grumpy old men throughout his career before he died in A.D. 2000 at the age of 79. Art brings the dough to Moran but also brings the untraceable .38 Smith & Wesson revolver which Barberosa has given him to dispatch Moran and return the dough, after which test of reliability Barberosa promises to advance Art's fortunes exponentially in the mob.

But when Art gets to the winery, he meets Moran from the business end of a 1909 vintage Colt .45 automatic (by coincidence, the same pistol I carried when I was in the Army, so I know about such things: basically, Art is out-gunned by a smarter Moran).

The plot thickens, as they say, when Moran takes the money and begins to wave it in front of Art as a bribe to dispatch Barberosa, thus turning the tables (the cliches are charmingly abundant in this 1959 TV show). Moran offers Art 5 G's (that's fifty $100 bills, which he counts out with remarkable speed) to return to Barberosa with .38 blazing so that Moran and Art can take over the organization together.

John II| 12.1.12 @ 12:18AM

Art squirms with whatever he has in the way of a conscience and finally agrees to the new deal, but only for the whole 10 G's he had brought to Moran. The slime continues a few more minutes (Matthau acting grumpy and Vaughn acting like a calculating liberal: pretty much the extent of their talent), and then as Vaughn/Art leaves with the 10 G's and the plan to dispatch Barberosa, Matthau/Moran suddenly takes aim with his .45 and, after announcing that his proposal to Art had all been a scam, hatched by Barberosa himself, to test Art's sure-enough reliability, cackles wickedly (Matthau was good at cackling) and blows away Art. Sic transit homo liberalis.

John II| 12.1.12 @ 12:19AM

Now, the meaning of this ancient TV drama should be clear. Barberosa and his plan are the cliff: it's all a double-bluff to test Art for his reliability to the syndicate and to Barberosa personally. Moran is the Professor, himself no more than a stooge to a bigger movement, and Art is the quisling Republican establishment. Art rather quickly gives in to the temptation of Moran, imagining that he's preserving some kind of personal integrity by holding out for 10 G's and thus proving to himself that he's not to be trifled with. Meanwhile, the audience--I mean, those with IQ's higher than 117--is already beginning to suspect what Moran is really up to. So a touch of Greek tragedy is added to the TV melodrama.

But when all is said and done--which is to say, when Art is finally blown away by Moran--Art has inadvertently proven himself to be exactly what Moran keeps calling him, grumpily, when the latter eggs him on to switch sides: a punk.

See? The plot is rather complex. But the meaning is simple.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:34AM

If I recall (without consulting IMdb), David White got a lot of steady work in the 1960s and early 1970s playing prototypical capitalist businessman Larry Tate of McMahon & Tate ( the advertising agency whose campaigns inevitably contained a little witchcraft) in "Bewitched".

John II| 12.1.12 @ 11:56AM

You're right, Al. Which is why, with the peculiar powers of time-travel hindsight one brings to bear on 1950's TV shows, it was hard for me to take the character Barberosa very seriously, despite the pirate-like name and his hobby of cultivating piranhas in a large fish-tank in his office. He still seemed like a bland Larry Tate.

Dick York appears as well in several Hitchcock TV shorts of the 50s. Same effect.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 12:30PM

Any time I saw Mr. York in a serious predicament, I figured he might just whine "Sa-aa-am" and his wife would extract him through witchcraft.

Of course, that card got played one too many times, and she changed him in to Dick Sargent.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:14PM

Obviously, Elizabeth Montgomery liked Dicks.

What.

John II| 12.1.12 @ 4:04PM

Good of you to say it for me, Timmy. I had the same response in mind about an hour ago, but decided to exercise a little restraint, just for practice.

After all, I have my career and my dignity to think of.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 2:24AM

Does Anybody remember the SNL skit Toonces the Cat?

Does anyone see the similarities between obama and TTC? ....I do.

You see, in the skit Toonces is inexplicably allowed to drive the family car even though it's never demonstrated it's capable of operating one. The family members only BELIEVE it can, that is, until it goes headlong over a steep cliff at which point they concede Toonces can drive........ but not very well.

Every week, the same result but in a slightly different scenario.

Now, let's imagine the family members are the 50.5 percent of the moronic voting electorate who voted for obama, the mainstream media, and the Democratic Party.

As with the family and Toonces, the moronic bunch listed above BELIEVES obama can perform all sorts great feats but has no evidence to back up such claims.

As with Toonces, everything obama "drives", goes over a cliff. An epic failure at EVERYTHING he involves himself with.

And yet, inexplicably he's REELECTED, and
about to drive us off the Mother of All Cliffs!!!

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:40AM

I believes Toonces at least had a theme song; it appears we go airborne off the road without musical accompaniment.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 10:04AM

The Toonces jingle was quite snappy and would be hard to top.

Because obama is often described as being "cool" by his fawning cadre of sycophants, how about someone here devise a catchy jingle accompanied by smooth jazz music?

Really, all that's needed is jazz up the original Toonces and, viola, you've got Barack Hussein Obama.

I agree with your premise that if we're going to be lead off the Mother of All Cliffs, we should have a theme song.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:41AM

I was just saying to my bottle of Generic Antacid Tablets, how odd it was that Bob Grant hasn't been heard from, in a while.

I thought that, maybe, I had made you mad with my Verbal Hi jinx on Friday.

You're not gonna believe this, but some people (and their Attornies) don't particularly find me funny.

I know what you're thinking, and I agree with you: That's Crazy. One need only scroll up to where I tell Tina B (I'm pretty sure it was her) what (I heard) Pecos Pete does for a living.

Do I KNOW that's what he does? No. But, do you know that it isn't?

Maybe he IS that guy at The Horse Breeding Farm that lends a helping hand with the whole Lift up Tail, Insert Purp's Lover.

It's possible.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 11:25AM

In a world such as what we have today
if Nietzsche could think a horse was his brother
who among us could not say
that Purp can't have an equine lover

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:17PM

I would Snap, but I don't do bold letters.

Just know, that I'm Snapping inside.

Some would say that I Snapped, a long time ago.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 2:36PM

I own the farm. Helping hands come free from the likes of Tim, well not Tim ... really, not Tim. Really.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:34PM

Too late.

I'm looking at the judges, and, unfortunately, they're still involved in a Munchies Frenzy.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 6:16PM

No worries, TLP, as I understand the TBAGN is full contact competition. This is not a sissy game and NOT for the easily offended.

This being a Saturday afternoon I will use a favorite over-used football metaphor: If you want to play you must put on your Big Boy Pants!

Occam's Tool| 12.2.12 @ 11:02PM

"Toonces, the cat who could drive a Car!"

BL in AK| 12.1.12 @ 2:39AM

I couldn't believe that whole Happy Jack Feder thing trying to steal TLPs show. It stinks like the manipulation of the precious metals mkt by JPMorgan et al. Just sayin'

Sticking with the fiscal cliff theme. Whoa some tough entries from Pecos Pete, Stkman, AuH2O girl, and Albert. My entry is the theme song to 1960's TV sitcom F Troop. I fell in love with blond bombshell Jane on the first show.

The end of the Civil War was near
When quite accidentally,
A hero who sneezed abruptly seized
Retreat and reversed it to victory (no explanation necessary here).

His medal of honor pleased and thrilled
his proud little family group.
While pinning it on some blood was spilled (Benghazi massacre)
And so it was planned he'd command F Troop.

Where Indian fights are colorful sights
and nobody takes a lickin' (from the fiscal cliff)
Where pale face (Dems) and redskin (Boehner)
Both turn chicken.

When killing and fighting get them down,
They know their morale can't droop.
As long as they all relax in town (District of Corruption)
Before they resume with a bang and a boom
F Troop.

I agree with AuH2O gal about we all one day will meet up and give a roast to TLP.

cheerz
Bill L.

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 8:56AM

Who is Happy Jack Feder?

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:25AM

EXACTLY!

Then, again.

Who the hell am I?

mike 3/505| 12.2.12 @ 3:35PM

Who am I? Who am I? I'm Hiram P. Johnson, from Johnson county Arkansaw, where men are men and women are damned proud of it...where a man can take a ***t out of a second story window without being a feared of getting his a$$ shot off.

R Martin| 12.1.12 @ 9:11AM

I once offered my place in Delaware as the venue for such a meet-up, anticipating it would be a Romney victory party. Alas, the raison d'etre is gone but, should we decide to do it anyway just for the fun of it, I'd be willing to fund the whole thing if TLP and Pecos Pete agreed to do a duet of "I Feel Pretty", perhaps accompanied by John II on the bongos. And I'm talking about the whole song, properly rehearsed and choreographed. Costumes optional.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:48AM

I will come early to help put up the stage.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:57AM

Let's see.

We're gonna need at two Ambulets in the Parking Lot, ready at a moments notice. At least one Crash cart. A Portable Dialayisis Machine. Someplace to empty all of the Cholostomy Bags. A Stun Gun. A Taser. And a Fulltime Men's Room Attendent, with three Mops, for the inevitable Innacurate Flow Streams that all of us have. (That reminds me) we need Cranberry Juice. Lots a Cranberry Juice.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 11:22AM

I'm sure Obamacare will cover all of the ancillary costs.

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 1:07PM

Let's do it. Only a 5 or 6 hour drive for me

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 1:13PM

Its ten minutes for me (15 at rush hour, it get backed up around the Tyler McConnell Bridge then).

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 1:28PM

Since this will be in Delaware should we invite Joey Biden? He should be good for some laughs.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 2:28PM

I think the Biden house is on the other side of Route 52, and I've been laughing at him since he lived in Elsmere.

R Martin| 12.1.12 @ 3:51PM

The offer stands. You are hereby appointed chairman of the entertainment committee, so work out the details with TLP and Pecos. John II probably has the sheet music. He might also bring a few West Side Story posters.

I don't know about Biden, but we might be able to get a recognizable name or two. If, and only if, Tim agrees not to utter any words ending in "...Sucker" and he promises not to mention "willies".

Take it from there, CJW.

Joellen| 12.1.12 @ 6:51PM

I'm there - it would be a lot of fun. Can we invite Purp & Ralphie? Would they have the guts to show?

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:29PM

Tim: That was funny! In a sad sort of way.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:28PM

Please provide LOTS of advance warning. I do about 30 miles a day on my horse. 2,000 / 30 = 66.67 days. Try to make it summer time, my horse hates snow, sleet and that other stuff that I think is called rain.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:18AM

F Troop-classic TV. The question I never figured out, though: is Larry Storch the poor man's Ross Martin, or is Ross Martin the poor man's Larry Storch.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 9:41AM

Poor man's Don Knott.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 9:43AM

add an 's'.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 10:46AM

Who's Ross Martin?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 11:26AM

Robert Conrad's sidekick in "Wild, Wild West".

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:21PM

Right, right.

That was one of my Top Saturday Shows, growing up.

BL in AK| 12.1.12 @ 2:43AM

Bob G-How'd you sneak in there. You live on the west coast too? Or just up late on the east coast?
See ya'all tomorrow after judging some homebrews.

cheerz
BL

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 10:16AM

BL,

Flyover country. Couldn't sleep. Passed by an old Toonces skit on YouTube and, BINGO, a light bulb went off in my head.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 11:01AM

Are you sure that wasn't the light in the Peep Show Booth, that (someone told me) goes on when your tokens run out?

You can tell me.

(just do it in all small letters, and inside the parentheses. that way no-one will hear you.)

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 6:28PM

(someone told me), at the fancier Peep Show establishments if one becomes a VIP, one can establish a line of credit.

No more fumbling for tokens when the light goes off but you haven't. Yes, pure uninterrupted Peep Show bliss.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 9:27AM

I'm a little uneasy now having read the entries by BL in AK and another of Albert's. Could you give it a rest now, Albert. Timmie's already crowned you king of the May for goodness sake. Some of us have been waiting nervously for months to enter. We've got balled up paper all over our bedroom floor. We've got rejection slips that nobody ever sent. But we wept over them anyway.

There. Now I feel better. And regardless of my sophmoric efforts, I've entered and I'm glad. I feel free. And at 63, I still feel pretty. Enough to sing along with Timmie and Pecos as long as I CAN wear a costume, even if they don't. Cuz I am coming to that party with y'all. I'll crash it if necessary.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 9:47AM

I have no doubt that Tim would he honored to bring you in on the John Deere tractor.

R Martin| 12.1.12 @ 10:13AM

How'd you know I have a John Deere tractor?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 10:15AM

If you've got one too, TLP will not need to bring his, unless we also add a parade.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 10:25AM

...and the John Deere Corporation has obama to thank for keeping it afloat.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 11:19AM

And, they owe me a lotta money for all these Promotional Product Placements all over The Contest.

A John Deere Tractor?

Try: Two 22 inch Self Propelled Rotaries, that are now only One, because I left the other one - a John Deere, believe it or not- at a Customer's House, and her Goddamn Tree fell on it, in the Hurricane.

And, shame on you, Tina B. If you go back UP a ways, I believe that I declared YOU the Winner. Not Albert. He's pretty much Part of the Company, and his Entry has to be Phenomonal to take home the Empty Bottle of Lotion, the Wet Tissues, or the Free Bus Tickets to Purp's Blood Tests. And, it sometimes is.

Now, just so you know......

Unlike Amerika, The Contest has a Seperation of Powers. I can tell anyone that they've Won, during the Contest, that I want. That doesn't mean they won. I just say it to get Pictures of them, the Occassional Proposal and Free Booze.

The Judges have the Final say, and since they spend a lot of their time taking their Medical Marijuana Treatments, we never get the final Talley, til after 7pm.

So, keep hope alive!

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 11:20AM

I have always wanted to ride on/in a John Deere. I am looking for my Fry boots as we speak/type.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 11:25AM

I see, I knew I hadn't won yet, I knew it.
Just in case, two of the answers are vodka and the aforementioned medical herbage. Ahem.

I am still on the front-end loader trying to find my documents in case I really do win and make the vodka Polish. Please. If I win.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:24PM

I'd be more than happy to bring Tina in on my John Deere snow blower.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:20PM

Tina: I'm always in costume. Otherwise I'd be out of luck. Don't ask me what my costume is. If I told you then everyone one would want the same costume. And that wouldn't be any fun, would it?

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 1:48PM

I'm trying to picture it. . . but as usual I'm clueless.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:40PM

He's dressed up like the back half of a mule.

(Just messing with you, Pesco)

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 10:45AM

Two lawyers, Obama and Biden are shipwrecked on a desert island. They have been there for years. One day, Biden wakes up and tells Obama that he sees something washed ashore on the beach.

They both go down to investigate. When they get there they see a beautiful if mature woman laying there naked and unconscious.

After a minute, Obama turns to Biden and says, "You wanna, well.....screw her?"

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 10:47AM

Biden replies, "Outta what?"

Obama and Biden play themselves, while the beautiful if mature woman, plays America, already stripped naked by liberal policies and having nothing left to be "screwed out of."

Warrior| 12.1.12 @ 11:45AM

Q: How do you starve a welfare recipient?

A: Hide the EBT card under their work boots.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 11:51AM

I gotta tell ya.

When I read this, I just froze, motionless, and stared at the words on the screen.

(I am laughing my ass off. I have tears in my eyes.)

I immediately thought of the Seinfeld Episode where Elaine (who is Running the J. Peterman Catalogue, now) promotes Eddy (the guy in the mail room who always wears Camaflouge Fatigues, and Combat Boots) to be one of the Writers for the Catalogue.

You might not win this one, but you sure as Hell made my whole morning.

"You wanna, well.........Screw Her?"

It's like Romeo and Juliet for people with long Scars running across their Foreheads, and a Twitch.

It's Beautiful.

You're a Beautiful Man, Colonel mike3/505.

I hope you realize that.

I'm assuming that, since she didn't have any that they could Screw Her out of, that they just Bashed her Head in with a Rock, and had Sex with what was left until the Tide came in and took her away.

Right?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 12:33PM

I'm not sure that it has been established that Obama is sexually attracted to women. Could we get a judges' ruling on that TLP?

CJW| 12.1.12 @ 1:10PM

Who are the judges?

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 1:15PM

They are the ones behind the curtain (about whom Tim says to pay no attention).

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 2:27PM

I would love to ask them, but they're always in and out of here.

They take their Medical Marijuana Treatments, every coupla hours, and they leave for snacks, or some such thing.

Even when they get back, they're not much help, because they're always forgetting shit.

Bob Grant| 12.1.12 @ 6:32PM

Al,

I find it curious you immediately called out TLP when in need of a gaydar.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 1:22PM

3/505: For a Colonel, you are reasonably sharp. How'd that happen? You must be a mustang.

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 2:15PM

Naahhh...I just have a platoon of CSM's to keep me in line.

Occam's Tool| 12.2.12 @ 11:06PM

The mandatory lobotomy is for General rank, isn't it? Colonels need to be fairly bright still, right?

mike 3/505| 12.3.12 @ 4:20PM

Not in my case. I'm an Infantry officer. We just gotta know how to whack people & break things.....oh yeah....and drink a lot.

Hardcard| 12.1.12 @ 11:30AM

What is this, the battle of the oneliners? Who the hell are these interlopers (al sharptongue) what happened to "Westside Story" ?

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 11:57AM

Hardcard makes a good point.

I think we're veering off the beatan path, a ways.

I just used a Seinfeld Analogy in my tribute to a Dark Shadows-type Entry that will immediately be moved to The Contest Hall of Fame, with a Copy sent to the Colonel's Commanding Officer, and Homeland Security.

Let's get ANALOGIZING, People.

Hardcard| 12.1.12 @ 1:51PM

I'm never going to win this contest, it's rigged. I demand you refund my entrance fee forthwith. If you refuse I will notify the site manager mr. soros.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 1:54PM

I believe that anyone who participates is a winner (it is the lack of getting a prize that frustrates some, though).

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 5:07PM

If I don't win a Debbie Wasserman-Shultz blowup doll or some such, I'm gonna let my Obama stand-in play for me, from now on.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 5:49PM

(Obama, pointing at DWS, while speaking to the men in the crowd in his best Roanoke speech cadence:)

You wouldn't Do that.

mike 3/505| 12.1.12 @ 10:29PM

Al,

I love ya man...but you just caused me to spit out a mouthful of very nice Dahlmor on my iPad. You owe me my friend.

Regards,

Mike

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 2:12PM

Whew, I barely made it back alive from the Catron article love-fest between Purpie and Ralphie somebody and was it you CJW that tried to get a simple question answered, alas to no avail? Is it 7 o'clock yet?

I almost felt sorry for McCain there, as they questioned his torture at Communist hands. Do they still beat all those dead horses? banality personified.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 2:56PM

CJW thinks Ralph and Purp are the same person. Purp has been caught responding to himself before (in more than one way, I am sure), so it seems very likely, as well as pathetic and creepy.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 5:44PM

Purp is The Gift That Keeps On Giving, isn't he?

mike 3/505| 12.2.12 @ 3:39PM

Kinda like Herpes

RABart| 12.1.12 @ 2:55PM

Gee- I sure don't envy the judges predictament. This has been a fantastic effort put forth by all of the participants. It seems to get better and better each and every Friday (weekend). It's reassuring that true freedom lovers still exist. The unintended consequences (perhaps) is at least we are Purp and all of his moronic friends free. Thanks.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 2:58PM

As of almost 3pm EST, Happy Jack's story has 90 comments, this thread has added almost 240 since yesterday.

The editors of the site should see whose contest draws them in, TLP.

Hardcard| 12.1.12 @ 4:20PM

Hey Al jr. stop buttering-up the judges.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 4:35PM

...or better still, the guy who announces the judge's decision...

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 6:29PM

Okay.

It's a little after 6, and since nobody's entered anything since 4:35, I'm Calling this one.

Over 250 Entries. (We really need to get Lives)

I know I keep saying this, but when we first started this, we got 18 Entries.

See how we've Grown.

I wanna start of by Thanking Thornberry, for continuing to write Stories that Nobody goes to. That makes finding a Place for Us, a lot easier.

I wanna Thank all of our Regulars: Robrt(?)Grant, Al Hirt Jr., Pesco Pete, Joellen - The Girl who Kant Spel - Johnnie II, Colonel Out of the mouths of Babes, Purp's Biographer - CJW, Little Rickey Martin, Warrior, Bl in Ak, and this Contest's only working Professional Mime - Mr. KennesawJack.

BL, you're Shirts are in the Mail.

I also wanna Thank all of the Not So Regulars: Potty Mouth Tina B, Goldwatergirl, Stkman (he comes and he goes), Alan's Girl (I still can't get over that Both Of Us were wearing Pianos), Hardcard - who really needs to Enter Something one of these days, RABart, and, of Course - Our Resident Shrink - Occam and his Tool. (Easy, Purp) (Easy, Tina B)

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 6:51PM

Since all of the Prizes are the same - an Envelope of White Powder (It's just Baby Powder, but he doesn't know that) addressed to that Son of a Bitch Gary B's House - everyone is gonna find something in their Mailbox, surrounded by the Police, Homeland Security, their Local Fire Department, and Men in Hazmat Suits.

But, just because the Prizes are the same, doesn't mean that there weren't some Entries that were better than others, or better than Nothing - Hardcard.

All of the Poems, and the Song Paradies were Fantastic. All of them.

Johnnie Tutu hit another home run with his Entry about that Movie with Larry, from Bewitched, while reminding us all of how much Elizabeth Montgomery liked Dicks.

Mr. Kwan reminded us all of his Zen Powers, as well as his Mysterious ways to come up with a Gem, week after week.

Joellen proved, once again, that "Spelling" is nothing but an eight letter word, if you actually Spell it right. A Rose by any other Compilation of Vowels and Consonants, eh Joellen?

Goldwater Girl reminded us why we come here every Friday.

And, Tina B was willing to Sell Her Soul for a Trip to The Winners Circle, and, after all. Isn't that The American Way?

Hardcard Showed Up, and as we all know, Showing Up is 80% of something that I don't remember.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 7:06PM

And, last, but definately, not least. My Friend Colonel mike 3/505 and his Whatever it was, concerning Obama, Biden, a Desert Island, and a Scantilly Clad, Unconscious half naked woman.

I'm still cracking up.

The only LOSER is Al Adab, who chose to go to The Dark Side, and the Establishment's Ripoff of what we have tried so hard to Create.

His name shall be, forevermore, Stricken from all documents and Obelisks, and his Name shall never be Uttered, again.

And, I've got half a mind to declare John II a loser, for not having anything better to do on a Saturday Night, as you can see, below.

Have a Good rest of the Weekend. Call your Friends, Hug your Kids, and tell them you Love them. Get in touch with Loved Ones.

Those are the things that Matter.

Don't let those who would wish us ill, get you down.

As long as we have Life? We have Hope.

Lo, though I walk through the Valley of Death, I shall Fear No Evil.

That's what it's all about.

Good Night. And, God Bless. ( Red Skelton)

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 7:08PM

Talk about irony, metaphors and analogies. The AMSPEC establishment tries to throw out its own contest this week, like Utah’s former Senator Bennett. While basically conservative, it abounds with references to foreign films and other movies few have seen.

Meanwhile, the real base, led by TLP, mobilizes on the previously dormant thread. Tim’s regular outreach, combined with his gifted imagination and phraseology (even without the EDIT button) helped establish the primary challenger, or the functional Mike Lee.

Reliable conservatives such as Bob Grant began to campaign, ably aided by the Boulder of the Border, Pecos Pete and his peerless poetry (alrighy, KJ has put up some comparable rhymes in the past, but he is busy studying at the Haiku Institute this week). Hardcard played the Roadrunner trying to lead Wile E. Coyote off the Montgomery Cliff (or Clift). R Martin, John II, CJW , BL and the insightful Kwan were once again generous donors.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 7:08PM

Joellen, like many others, having visited the establishment contest, brought the Tea Party intoplay for the insurgent campaign. As Frankie Avalon sang in The Alamo, “Here’s to the Ladies”. We were graced by Tina B. Alan’s Girl, Goldwater Girl and loulou, who all helped narrow the gender gap at the The Best Analogy Game.

Of course, all insurgencies must have their warriors, as did we here this weekend. There was Warrior, of course, and the airborne contingent led by Mike. Stkman also used his blunt instrument to advance the cause, as well.

OT somehow found his way here (though he lost his entry, which was located at the Lost & Found basket on Catron’s article). RABart was a valuable cheering section.

One who did not appear still managed to draw a lot of attention. Competing with Obama and Biden for the most derisive mentions in a contest was Purp, showing that Moveon.org is getting their money’s worth for the $10/hour they pay him to annoy us.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 7:09PM

As is often said, (with the exception noted in the last paragraph), there are no losers here. Even Happy Jack Feder, who took second place in a field of two, gets a trophy, as henceforth he is the generic to TLP’s brand. Perhaps, like Charlie Crist, Mr. Feder will consider running a contest as an independent (or at the Daily Kos).

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 7:30PM

I forgot loulou.

Sorry, loulou.

Oops.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 7:35PM

How could I forget loulou's TWO WORD ENTRY?

John II| 12.1.12 @ 6:48PM

Nobody here? Just a few minutes before the end of the Contest. With apologies to Hilaire Belloc's "Cautionary Tales for Children," then . . .

The Chief Defect of Barry Bam
Was chewing little bits of Spam.
At last he swallowed some which tied
Itself in messy knots inside.

Media types of Utmost Fame
Were called upon, but had no Shame.
They said therefore that for some Fees
They'd overlook the Barry's sleaze.
"Barry Bam will soon be gone,"
They said, and they were hardly wrong.

When Barry, with his final Breath,
Lamented his untimely Death,
He cried--"Oh, my Friends, be warned by me,
To save your free Economy
And say only What the Truth requires . . ."
With that, the Wretched Bam expires.

John II| 12.1.12 @ 6:53PM

Damn. Didn't notice that TLP closed the Contest early.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 7:02PM

Oops. Need that EDIT button, or a quick spell from Samantha, now.

TLP| 12.1.12 @ 7:07PM

You're up, Albert.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.1.12 @ 7:10PM

It's done (see above).

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 7:19PM

I am humbled. I may be the oldest Christian who still has slips of the lips. God is definitely not finished with me yet.

Tina B| 12.1.12 @ 7:25PM

John II you punctuated the whole gala event very succinctly. Bravo.

Pecos Pete| 12.1.12 @ 8:58PM

Magníficas! Thanks to all for this much fun!

Good night, sleep tight,
Wake up bright
In the morning light
To do what's right
With all your might.

BL in AK| 12.1.12 @ 9:01PM

TLP-
Thanks again for keeping the contest open into Saturday. I really liked the baseball themed entries this week. Wish I could make the planned roast but I will be there in "spirits" hopefully. Thanks for the shirt update, I got yours already packaged ready for addressing.
cheerz
BL

Bob Grant| 12.2.12 @ 12:26AM

a nod and a grin and a fond adieu
to the always impressive T-BAG-N crew

who can spin analogies at the drop of a hat
especially the contributor of toonces the cat

We have rhymers and poets and crafters of words
and a few off-color jokesters to goad on the herd

you've got pecos the poet and tina the bard
and purp in spirit the whipping boy 'tard

so many others, lest I forget
I'm sure al will remind me, a true safety net

and a friendly reminder to happy jack feder
timmy's TBAGN fools will always be better!

TLP| 12.2.12 @ 8:43AM

I still liked you better on the Radio.

See ya, tomorrow.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.2.12 @ 10:35AM

Meanwhile, on the Washington Examiner site today, apparently MSNBC commentators are trying to get their own entries in the contest, or any contest:

MSNBC: Those of us in ‘nerd land’ think Obama is ‘channeling the Godfather’.

CJW| 12.2.12 @ 11:42AM

The Godfather movies provide plenty of analogies for any story. The book by Mario Puzo is excellent. I read the Saddam Hussein's favorite movie was the Godfather. So it is with Barrack Hussein. Hubris and arrogance.

To more pressing issues: we have to decide a date for the party. Next year will be the 150th anniversary of Gettysburg, and there are many events scheduled. Without stirring up any North v. South arguments, maybe we can do it the week of the anniversary for those interested.

As for entertainment, last night my softball team held its poker night, mostly Texas hold em. That is only the first suggestion. Floor is open.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 12.2.12 @ 11:49AM

Like all good literature and film, the Godfather provides great opportunity to view real life through its fictional prism.

As far as a get together, I am pretty flexible at the moment.

Tina B| 12.2.12 @ 8:45PM

You guys are da bomb.

Occam's Tool| 12.2.12 @ 11:08PM

That was fun, guys. Time to study, now.

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Albert Constantine Jr.| 11.28.12 @ 8:10AM

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Alan's Girl| 11.30.12 @ 11:20AM

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TLP| 11.30.12 @ 1:54PM