The American Spectator

“Well, that was the problem,” said Newman, warming to a history lesson. “When it started out, only a few people got food stamps. Then more and more got on and pretty soon everyone was getting them — 80 percent I think it was. So the government got upset about giving all that money to the supermarkets. So they decided to start selling food themselves — ‘eliminate the middleman’ they called it. So that’s why we have these big emporiums now.”

“It that why they have the TSA, so people won’t steal from the government?” asked Darien.

“Something like that,” said Newman.

“Well, that’s not so bad, is it?” said Squirrel. “I mean, people have to eat.”

“Well, they used to buy for themselves.”

“But that wouldn’t be fair, would it?” said Tom Brown. “Some people would get more than others.”

“Yeah, some people couldn’t afford anything, right?” added Squirrel.

“Well, they could usually afford something. The government was telling everyone they were too fat.” Newman was at a loss. It was going to be difficult to teach this generation anything about

self-reliance.

“Alright, let’s get started,” he said, changing the subject. “Each of you take a couple of flyers and a petition. Ask people to sign. Don’t badger them, just ask politely. Remember what the guards said.”

“Why do they call it ‘badger’?” asked Squirrel, always looking for the oblique angle of things.

“Yeah, why don’t they call it ‘Squirrel’?” said Skipper sarcastically.

“Why don’t they call you Squirrel?” said Squirrel.

“Cause he ain’t crazy like a squirrel,” giggled Tom Brown.

“Alright, come on you guys, stop arguing,” said Newman.