-
Behind the Iraq Protests
April 18, 2013 | 20 comments
-
Turkey, Iraq, and Oil
April 5, 2013 | 0 comments
-
Sunni Reachout to the Shia Crescent
March 7, 2013 | 7 comments
-
Anti-Islamism in an Islamic Civil War
January 24, 2013 | 9 comments
-
Iraq: Playing the Sectarian Crisis Card
January 2, 2013 | 3 comments
At Large
Looking at Tunisia
How Islamist will it become?
A country noteworthy in the region for the establishment of a thoroughly liberal education system under Habib Bourghuiba, Tunisia has often been held up as a cause for optimism in the Arab Spring. Even as it was apparent that the Islamist an-Nahda was gaining ground in the run-up to the elections for the Constituent Assembly, analysts were predicting that the party would gain only 20% of the seats. In fact, an-Nahda took 40% of them, and so as the party holding the plurality, its members were given the opportunity to take the leading role in government. Hence the current prime minister is the Islamist Hamadi Jebali. On the other hand, President Moncef Marzouki is clearly a secularist.
Because the majority of Tunisians voted for non-Islamist parties and because there is indeed a considerable secular and liberal constituency in the country, it has been argued that an-Nahda may choose to play nice and not try to impose an Islamist agenda.
Evidence highlighted for this viewpoint mainly points to the party’s refusal in March to name Islamic law in the proposed new constitution, responding to a proposal by the third-largest party — the “Popular List” — to name Islam as the key source of legislation in the first article of the constitution. Rachid al-Ghannouchi — an-Nahda’s leader — explained the reasoning as follows at a conference in the party’s headquarters in Tunisia: “We saw that Tunisians were divided over the issue of sharia. We don’t want Tunisian society to be split because the revolution can only succeed with national unity.”
Yet cautious as an-Nahda’s approach may be, it does not wish to abandon its Islamist roots. In August it emerged that the party had introduced a draft law to the Constituent Assembly to criminalize blasphemy with a sentence of up to two years for conviction and four years for repeat offenses. This followed from the arrest and conviction in May — with a fine of $1500 as punishment — of a Tunisian TV owner for broadcasting the film Persepolis, deemed blasphemous for a scene representing God, and a 7.5-year sentence- subsequently upheld by an appeals court — for a man convicted of blasphemy for posting cartoons of Mohammed online.
Human rights watchdogs have also expressed concern over blows to press freedom in the country, such that even the UN High Commissionership for Human Rights has urged the Tunisian government to take measures to protect freedom of speech.
Indeed, journalists working for the country’s state-run TV channels have protested government appointments of media directors without consultation of the staff, such as the appointment of aofti Touati — former director of the Tunisian security services — as head of the Dar Assabah media group. Reporters Without Borders has also noted that there have been at least 130 attacks on press freedom in 2012 so far, with 84 cases entailing “direct physical attacks on journalists.”
These trends in turn lead to the problem of Salafist rampages in the country, including attacks on hotels that serve alcohol and on a Sufi music festival just south of Tunis back in August. Particularly revealing is the case of a French politician of Tunisian descent — Jamel Gharbi — who went to his home country over the summer with his wife and daughter for a holiday. Vacationing in Bizerte in northern Tunisia, he cut short the holiday after being attacked in the streets of the town by a Salafist mob angered by the fact that his wife and daughter were wearing shorts and T-shirts. Being beaten with batons and sticks, Gharbi just managed to escape, and as he indicated to Le Figaro, “la police était inexistante” (“the police was non-existent”). He justifiably warned of being at the mercy of Salafists outside the tourist resorts.
The Tunisian police did take action to defend the U.S. embassy when it came under assault by Salafist protestors denouncing the “Innocence of Muslims” film. What is clear is that an-Nahda is unwilling to confront the Salafists insofar as they are not perceived to pose a direct threat to their power: hence the absence of the police to deal with Salafists mobs like the one that attacked Gharbi.
In any event, the an-Nahda leadership’s condemnation of the U.S.
embassy attacks, the warning raised by Marzouki that there may be
some 3,000 active
Islamist militants in Tunisia, and the active police search for
the perpetrators of the U.S. embassy attacks, have only convinced
the Salafists — who appear to be a primarily youthful constituent-
that
an-Nahda is not Islamic enough for them. In an-Nahda itself,
there is also a generational divide as some of the younger members
call for reconciliation with the Salafists, lest an-Nahda be
perceived in their eyes as a secular party. Even so, as Monica
Marks indicated to Time, most of the Salafists voted for
an-Nahda and the latter is likely to lose those Salafists’ support
come the next elections for being perceived as too moderate and
pro-Western. This may partly explain the reported drop in approval
for an-Nahda as indicated by
recent polling data and even acknowledged by Rachid
al-Ghannouchi: the majority of Tunisians expressed dissatisfaction
(55%) with the an-Nahda-led government’s performance, and at a
crucial time no less, for the National Transitional Council that is
to work on issues like the new constitution and organizing the
upcoming elections for March 2013.
In sum, it seems reasonable to predict that an-Nahda — torn
between the existence of a considerable liberal and secular
opposition, center-left coalition allies, and a rising Salafist
contingent with which many of the party’s youth sympathizes (the
Salafist hostility to an-Nahda notwithstanding) — will see its
voting bloc considerably reduced in the next elections, with the
rise of a new Salafist political bloc probably taking many or most
of those seats to be lost by an-Nahda.
Even if an-Nahda ends up leading the next Tunisian government, it seems to me most likely that the party will become very much like Iraq’s Islamic Dawa Party vis-à-vis implementing an Islamist agenda. That is, an-Nahda will not abandon its Islamist roots and will still aim to advance it in some respects (e.g. the proposed blasphemy law and monopolizing control of the press) but for want of trying to please everyone to a degree, there will not be a consistent or thorough program of implementation. Already we may be seeing signs of this tendency in the agreement to drop an-Nahda’s original proposal to include a clause on blasphemy in the constitution.
In the end, an-Nahda may descend into irrelevance much sooner than we may realize, especially if members of the youth movement become dissatisfied and decide to join with the Salafists, who are definitely worth watching in the medium and long-run.
About the Author
Aymenn Jawad Al-Tamimi is a Shillman-Ginsburg Fellow at the Middle East Forum, and a student at Brasenose College, Oxford University. His website is http://www.aymennjawad.org.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (223) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Aymenn Jawad Al-Tamimi
More Articles From At Large
http://spectator.org/archives/2012/10/18/looking-at-tunisia
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- The Demise of Money and Credit
- Boys and Girls
- The (Real) Great Divide
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
ADVERTISEMENT
Jack in Wi| 10.18.12 @ 8:17AM
Everything I have read is that the Tunesian leadership is the most moderate of the Arab Spring. The revolution was fairly peaceful and the Tuniasian people are a tolerant and educated group of people. Lets hope that this continues.
cicero| 10.18.12 @ 1:30PM
Wishful thinking does not make for sound analysis. Those willing to exercise terror, physically attack, and kill will alwys win out in any political contest. The communists should have taught us that. If the Tunisian government does not physically destroy the Salafists, and conpletely abandon efforts to declare blasphemy and other religious rules out of bounds, the outcome is inevitable. Tunisia will be sharia in a very short time. The frog is in the water, and the heat is on low.
TLP| 10.18.12 @ 3:10PM
Contest, Tomorrow.
It will be on the Entirety of the last 4 years, and this Election.
Look for the Clues.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 6:19AM
Contest, Today.
Right here.
Right now.
Let's do this, shall we?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 7:00AM
The Rules are the same, almost.
I'll put out a Scenario that is in the News, this week.
The object of the Contest is to come up with the best Analogy of that News Story, using Films, Books, Plays, Deep Throat (don't ask) or even the body parts of a 70 Year old former Mrs. Paul Somon. (Seriously)
It can be a Cartoon. It can be a Commercial. But most of all, we want it to be Clever and Interesting. And, here's a hint - The Beach Scene in Lord of the Flies? I would advise against that one. That one is a sure Loser. It's a Bozo, and it is definately Over for Bozo.
We encourage you to make as many tries an you'd like. Pretend that you're a Democrat Voter and enter Early and Often.
Everything sounds the same, right?
Not exactly. This weekend we wanna blow the doors offa this Mutha. I've been told that this is a Sweeps Week and I'd like to get our Ratings up if I can.
The Contest will begin as soon as I finish my Monologue, and will continue.......(are you sitting down?) (that's a stupid question) until 7 pm Saturday.
Apparently, some of us don't have Hot Wives making the Big Bucks for Daddy, and are stuck working Crap Hours in 711's in Deleware, with absolutely No Clue what any of the Indians or Pakistanis want went they come in to their store, shouting and waving their hands.
Perhaps an Imaginary Rosetta Stone Language Course could be added to the Prize List, as we've pretty much Run the Gamut with Underpants.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 7:44AM
We are almost home, again. The light at the end of this Nightmare, is so close that Navritil's could see its Tits, if it had any. I'm 55, and I never thought that anything like what's been going on the last 4 years, was even Possible in this Great Country of ours.
Someday, the Historians will write Volumes on what went wrong in America, but for Today, let me offer up just 4 words - The Wizard of Oz.
Let's take a closer look, shall we..................?
I look at that Movie, and I see everything that we've been through with Our Wicked Muslim Witch of the West.
I look at Dorothy's Farmhouse in Kansas and I see America, the way it used to be. For better or worse, even that Dirt Farm was Hearth and Home, and the people that lived there, were Free.
The Tornado represents the Economic Maelstrom, and the Social and Cultural Cataclysm that has engulfed this Country since our Wicked Witch came to town.
As the Farmhouse spirals down to the ground, I see our Foreign Policy, before my eyes. Spinning wildly, with no sense to it. No reason. Only downward, to an inevitable Crash Landing on top of the Wicked Witch of the West's - (Obama) - Sister (you guessed it) Hillary Under the Bus. I mean - Clinton. Her Ruby Slippers? They represent our upcoming Votes on Election Day. And, Lucinda - The Good Witch from the North - just might represent the Good People of Wisconsin, in a coupla weeks.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 8:13AM
Dorothy represents you and me. Like us, she has been dropped in to a Foreign Land that she doesn't Recognize, can't Understand, and all she wants to do is Get Back Home to Kansas. (America)
The Munchkins are all of the people who are Tired of living in Fear of their Rulers. They want Jobs, and Freedom, and they want their lives back. And they see Dorothy as Real Hope, that their days of being Pressed in to the Ground by The Witch (Obama) soon will be over.
The Yellow Brick Road represents the whole Election Cycle that's been going on all year.
The Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the Cowardly Lion. Limbaugh - Hannity - Levin. New Media.
The Flying Monkeys represent the Biased MSM, as they take flight in the Service of The Witch (Obama) and do as he Commands.
The Apple Trees that Attack Dorothy (Us) and her traveling Companions (people like us) represent the more Radical Contingents of the Left. The Occupy Crowd. The Public Sector Unions in Wisconsin, Chicago, and other Places. Everyone who pops a Vein on their neck every night, on MSNFUCKYOU.
The Poison in the Meadow, represents all of the LYING Poll Numbers we've been fed by the Witch's Flying Monkeys, in an effort to Lull us to Sleep, before the Election. The Snow that fell, and woke Dorothy, and the others up, was The Truth about the Implausability of all of these numbers.
The Wizard is, of course, Romney, whom Dorothy realizes is her only hope to return to her life, again. So they Travel to Oz.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 8:33AM
Oz is a Shining City on a Hill, at the End of the Yellow Brick Road. (The Election)
The Wizard sets Dorothy and her friends on a Task - "Bring me the Broom of the Wicked Witch" - I see that as representing a call for Conservatives, Republicans, Independents, and old time Democrats yearning to be free, to get out there and Participate, Organize, Talk to their Friends, and put up those signs. (maybe)
Melting the Witch with the Bucket of Water represents our Washing Away of a Monumental Mistake that was made 4 Years ago, by people who Never seem to realize what they've got, til it's gone.
Upon returning to the Wizard (Romney) he rewards each of the Travelers with Tokens of things that they think will make them better people, while assuring them that everything they had always wanted, was already their's, inside of them.
The Wizard boards the Balloon, and heads off for Kansas (America). And the Good Witch of the North let's Dorothy (Us) know that she has always had it within her (Easy Navritil) to get back home. So she clicks her heels together (Votes) and in the Morning she wakes up, back in her bed. Back in Kansas. Back where she was Born, and where she Belongs.
The End.
Penis.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 9:34AM
H*ll, What;s the point of even entering the contest after that. Pretty da** good job, Timmy.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 11:04AM
I'm not eligible.
I'd have my Attorney run through all of the Legal Disclaimer mumbo jumbo, but he's busy buying alcohol for his neighbor's kid, and he won't answer his phone.
Too risky.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 11:19AM
Ax him to pick up a bottle of Dahlmore for me would you?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:15PM
I hope that's not your entry.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 4:43PM
As you can see by my first attempt...I require the Dahlmore to MAKE a worthwhile entry.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 8:53AM
Now it's your turn.
The Winner(s) will recieve The Wife of The Rapist - Hillary Clinton's last shred of Self Respect, that I was able to snatch from the Ground, right as the Bus, she was thrown under, was Running over her.
The Loser(s) will recieve the Bottom of Mrs. Rapsist's less than Fashionable Pants Suit, with the Footprint on the Ass Section, where the Muslim kicked her to the Curb.
The Top of Mrs. Rapist's Ensemble, with the Tire Tracks running across it, will be put up for Auction at the earliest opportunity, as I have a friend, sorely in need of a Copy of Trading Stocks For Dummies. And no, you don't know him. (it's kaminsky) So don't even try to guess who it is, cause you can't. It's impossible.
Contest Ends 7pm - SATURDAY.
What're you waiting for?
Ross Kaminsky| 10.19.12 @ 9:16AM
I saw that, Tim. (Thanks for the book!)
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 11:40AM
Ladies and Gentlemen. Ross Kaminsky!
And, don't thank me for the book, just yet. I'm still trying to unstick the pages with pictures on them.
Let's all give him a big hand. (Just the hand, Alan. And not in his pants, either)
See what I gotta deal with!
Did I sorta Promise a Celebrity, or did I not?
I wanna thank him for joining us this morning. I wanna thank whoever explained the Clues to him. And, I would like to especially thank him for alerting me about the Stock Purchase that he was just about to make. Thankfully, I was able to sound the Alarm to anyone who would listen, to stay far away from that Bad Boy.
But, seriously.
Welcome Ross. Welcome to our Family. You are now, DEFINATELY, one of us.
Feel free to browse the Showroom. I think that you will find that we've got some Pretty Clever Charachters, and Navritil's not even here yet with his weekly Tribute to Linda Lovelace. The Judges like those, but...........weeeeeeell, ya know.
I'm hoping that you'll toss your hat into the Contest. I know that you are a busy guy. (A lot of people want their money back) I get it.
The Contest is open until 7pm Saturday, unless I happen to go to Golf, Saturday and Pass out in the basement when I get home.
I'm just kidding. That almost never happens, anymore.
Did I tell you guys, or what?
We're hitting the Big Time.
Now Ross, you go do what ya gotta do, and get back here with an Entry so we can make fun of it.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:16AM
We’re off to see the wizard……………
Excellent entry. My first entry today will be in the medium of song. I heard the pitiful attempt Bruce Springsteen did yesterday, rhyming Obama with he got Osama, and my choice was made.
I coopted the tune to “Fourth of July Asbury Park”, one of his only occasionally rhyming, stream of consciousness early hits. I call mine “Sixth of November Grant Park”. It is sung by a representative of the wide array of American People to Candy Crowley, and it covers the time throughout the Obama Presidency up until the debate:
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:17AM
6th of November Election Day
Candy, the fireworks are flying from the debate that night
Forcing the breath out of all those Kool-Aid drinkers who blamed Benghazi on the video
Outside the spin doctors talk of gasoline prices and why when its cheap its bad
And the wizards down at Intrade play with the odds as Soros bets more
And the boys at MSNBC dance with their thrills showing (or was it Rachel Maddow)
Begging undecided voters for four more years hey it’s got to get better than now
Oh Candy see the gas prices rising behind us
Yet Chu writes it not our job to stop it
You loved him tonight but you may never see him again
That Candy girl
An Obama ba-by
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:18AM
Now the Greeks there they spent their cash and they’re busted now they’re in the streets all night
And the crowd there in Cairo, yeah their fire’s so bright
And me I just got tired of hanging in the unemployment line waitin’ to find me a job
So now I count as a discouraged worker and can go join with the Occupy mob
And now NASA in Florida has no more Space Shuttle they’re now there for Muslim outreach
Like a scene from a movie maybe Lord of the Flies on the beach
Oh Candy see the job numbers cooking at BLS
Now you’re working if you’re begging for change on the boardwalk
Someone without a rubber is there ruttin’ with Mr. Fluke’s daughter
Is that Sandy girl
Hope she don’t make a ba-by
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:19AM
Candy, the muslims Barack was courting lost their desire for him
They gather outside our embassies and set our flag on fire and more
And with oil permits down on federal land and in the gulf the EPA’s got a boot on their neck
And Biden says they shot Osama but they can’t figure out why the economy is a wreck
And toss Hillary under the bus,
but not Holder’s Fast & Furious
And now the privilege is executive
as they tell us all how to live
Oh Candy now the hopes are arising around us
Piers Morgan and Matthews can’t rescue Obama
If the vote goes for Mitt then Barack can be leaving for ever
I pray it Candy girl
For the sake of my country
I mean it Candy girl
Bye Bye Barry
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 9:36AM
Looks like folks have elevated their games. I'm bringing Abraham to the contest, but still working on him.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:42AM
Glory, glory hallelujah (or is it rock my soul in the bosom?).
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 9:50AM
Not even close, pal.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:53AM
Will Dion be calling for Martin and John, as well?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 11:44AM
It's Motorboat Her Bosom.
What the Hell is Fourth of July Asbury Park?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 11:57AM
It's a Springsteen song. I figure as long as he wants to support Obama, I'm going to steal back some of the royalties he got from me in the 70s and 80s and use his music.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 7:24AM
Springsteen?
So, why does it sound like Barry Manilow?
Oh Candy
Well you came and you ate, without thinking
Now I can't find my dog
Oh Candy
All these people they call you a Piggy
But, you're really a Hog
Ooooooooh Candy
See?
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 12:08PM
Not even close, pal.
R Martin| 10.19.12 @ 9:25AM
Is your monologue finished? Is this where we are to enter?
Even though I’m a slow learner, it finally has occurred to me that my pithy one-liner analogies have failed to attract the attention of Academy judges. Although I’m reluctant to patronize that bunch of pompous whackjobs, perhaps it’s time for something completely different …
A news parody:
The passenger cruise ship Costa Concorpus Delicti captained by Francesco Obama sails too close to shore, strikes a rock and takes on water. Turns out the skipper had spotted some media friends on shore holding signs reading, “You Go, Captain!” and he wanted to get closer to blow them a kiss. Realizing his ship is listing badly the Capt. calls on his only demonstrable skill—pumping bilge water. Fearing it’s not working this time, he leans over the side, notices the water depth and mutters, “Dang, might have overdone that slowing the rise of the oceans thing.”
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:28AM
...then falls into the lifeboat, leaving all on board to fend for themselves...
R Martin| 10.19.12 @ 9:59AM
Judges, please add this ending to my entry.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 11:58AM
I'm looking at the Judges, and it appears that none of them has a Coin.
I'm gonna need to get to you, on that one.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 11:55AM
Ya know......Raggin on the Producer isn't gonna help your career. I'm just sayin.
And, bye the way, you're simple little ditty - Who's On First - was one of the entrants that I singled out as a true example of - Brevity being the Soul of Wit.
See? Even though you gave me a Shot, back there? I'm so Awesome, that I will still give you Credit for your Analogy Today. It is right on the money. I had actually considered that one, as well. But I decided to do a better one, instead.
Just kidding.
Seriously - Well Done.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 10:43AM
There once was a lady named Katy,
Whose body, not words were weighty.
Her face grew quite pale
As she stepped on the scale
And the needle blew past 380
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 2:10PM
You've got til 7pm tomorrow.
You still have time to hit Blockbuster.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 2:59PM
Blockbuster hell...I need to hit an ABC Liquor Store.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:19PM
I managed to get in the Lord of the Flies beach scene into my first entry.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:30PM
Really?
I missed that.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:21PM
TLP;
I repeat, for those who missed it the first time above:
And now NASA in Florida has no more Space Shuttle they’re now there for Muslim outreach
Like a scene from a movie maybe Lord of the Flies on the beach
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 4:44PM
Al...You Da Man!
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:29PM
Well, if your town is anything like my town?
You'll find a Liquor Store right next to Blockbuster.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 4:45PM
Apros of nothing...but I' m reminded of an old recruiting commercial....
My home town, it's not like this, but that's alright with me. I'm out here, because freedom isn't free.
Joellen| 10.19.12 @ 10:58AM
Excellent Tim - here's a quick entry till after work. The Dork/Lawrence O'Donnel/Obama challenges the young, viral Tag Romney/Mitt Romney to a fist fight (yup go into the BLAZE and watch this unbelievable clip). Well - of course this is the new ROCKY - which we'll re-name "ROMNEY". We (the true Americans) are the underdog - cheering, training and praying for young Romney/Romeny(America). The thugs (media of course) have the upper hand, spin, perpetuate how Romney cant best O'Donnell/Obama/Communism, until Romney takes to the ring and TKO's O'Donnel/Obama with a beautiful RIGHT to his lying mouth. WOWEE! The Crowd roars - O'Donnel/Obama goes down, count to 10 and AMERICA WINS.
After work - I'll have round II.
Eduardo| 10.19.12 @ 10:17AM
What has happened to my (OUR) beloved country can metaphorically be compared to the plot of a great mid 1970's flick called ROLLING THUNDER. Our country is personified in that film by the lead character, USAF vet/POW Charles Rane (played by William Devane) who nobly serves. He is captured and tortured by the Cong, who personify the backward debased cultures around the world who delight in abusing America's values and claim that their horsesh*t "culture" is equal if not better than ours. When Rane is freed and comes home, he finds his country changed, indifferent, selfish and cruel. His wife is fooling around, his little boy is alientated, and he is confused as to what happened to the USA. The Plot turns when he is nearly killed by criminal thugs in a home invasion. The thugs personify the current welfare-state subculture. Eventually, Rane takes matters into his own hands and with the help of fellow vet Tommy Lee Jones (really!) loads up and slaughters the scum in a bloody finale........as the voters will metaphorically do on election day. How's that?
Okay, I have to get off the grid today because I'm traveling. Hang tough, TLP and my other compadres. Over and out.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 10:23AM
"Rane takes matters into his own hands "
Great film, and great entry, though given what was done to him, might it not be more appropriate to say "into his own hook and hand"?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:31PM
Agreed.
Great entry.
Stkman| 10.19.12 @ 10:46AM
Once again I'm going to keep it simple so Purp can understand.
Obama goes out on the campaing trail and as usual he's running behind. The crwods that came to see him have been standing in the hot sun for hours. They're tired, grouchy, thirsty and hungry. Obama, notincing that the crowd is somewhat upset with his tardiness quickly treis to figure out a way to make the crowd happy. He see's the local grocer's delivery truck driving up the street and has his security detail stop the vehicle and seize the contents for re-distribution to the crowd. Upon seeing that there are very few contents, just three loaves of bread and a few fish Obama decides to screw the masses and keep what he has seized for himself and his friends.
Stkman| 10.19.12 @ 10:51AM
Just so happens on the other side of town Mitt Romney is having a gathering himself. He showed up on time and with a plan for saving the country he could share with the huge crowd that had gathered. Halfway through the event Mitt notices the crowd is looking a bit hot and thirsty. Mitt ask the local Republican chairman if their might be some kind of beverage and food available to hand out to the crowd. The chairman lets him know there are only a few loaves of bread and some fish leftover from the fishfry the night before. Mitt says, fine that'l work. As the chairmangoes to get the bread and fish Mitt begins to pray.
Dear Father, do for me and these fine people what Jesus did for all those so many years ago.
Stkman| 10.19.12 @ 10:55AM
When the chairman opens the pantry door to retreive the bread he's amazed to find there are hundres of loaves of bread. When he open the refridgerator he's amazed to see it full of not only fish but fried chicken too. He gets help and delivers the food to the huge crowd and it becomes an impromptu picnic where everyone is happy and satisfied.
The moral you ask? We are a blessed country because we've had a Christian foundation and a strong belief in God. We stepped away from that and look how quickly or fortunes changed. We've learned our lesson and we will now face God and let him once again rule over our country. God Bless America.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 11:24AM
Who needs my encouragement when you have God on your side?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 1:49PM
Indeed.
Joellen| 10.19.12 @ 9:02PM
Awesome Stkman and AMEN.
Kwan| 10.19.12 @ 11:02AM
The novel is Ray Bradbury's "Something Wicked This Way Comes". The title itself pretty much describes the arrival of Obama and his efforts to subvert the nation.
At 3 am a train carrying a mysterious traveling carnival pulls into a Midwestern town and the tents are raised almost instantaneously. The leader of the carnival is a Mr. Dark whose carnival is populated by a group of freaks. It turns out that Mr. Dark cons people into believing that he can fulfill their wishes and then converts them into freaks (through some sort of occult process associated with a Mirror Maze), who are now bound in service to the carnival. Of course for our analogy Mr. Dark is Obama who cons the suckers into believing he can fulfill their wishes with Hope and Change, and then converts them into the unemployed, the underemployed, the homeless, the bankrupt, the homeowner whose mortgage is underwater, the car owner who can no longer afford to drive his car due to the price of gasoline, the welfare recipient, the food stamp shopper, the job-seeker who gives up hope and quits looking for a job, the small-business owner who lays off his employees and closes the doors due to a lack of customers in Obama's anemic economy. Yes since the election of Mr. Dark Obama a darkness has indeed descended upon the nation.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 11:43AM
Excellent imagery on the origin of the 47%...
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 1:53PM
Wow, Mr.Kwan.
This Contest is definately your Forte.
I think the rest of you need to buckle down.
Don't you, Albert?
loulou| 10.19.12 @ 12:02PM
You guys are geniuses.
I can't even begin to compete.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 1:54PM
Stop.
You can so still compete.
(Have you considered Talking Dirty?)
R Martin| 10.19.12 @ 3:30PM
She's just being modest. I saw the folder; she's in it.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:34PM
My "Friend" was wondering what she was Wearing in thet Folder?
Not me. No, no.
My "Friend" who's name escapes me at the moment.
R Martin| 10.19.12 @ 4:22PM
Sorry, I meant binder. And very well dressed, too.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 12:31PM
So, in thinking about Tim's parameters for this week's contest, the entirety of the last 4 years and all, I got to thinking that all this 4 years has really been about is endless fundraising to further Obmarx's goal of turning us into a modern-day USSR. So, with sincere pologies to Mr. Lincoln, the first of many, many great REPUBLICAN Presidents, my first submission (Tim says we can do more than one this week) is Obamarx's "Hollywood Address" to wit:
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 12:36PM
THE HOLLYWOOD ADDRESS
Three years and eleven months ago, ya’ll elected a new President, ME, dedicated to the fundamental transformation of the United States.
Now we are engaged in a great political debate, testing whether my administration, or any administration, can pull it off.
We’re standin’ here, in the front yard of George Clooney’s home. We have come to raise money from the millionaires and billionaires here in Hollywood to help finally put the outdated rich man’s Constitution to rest, once and for all.
It is right and necessary that we should do this.
But, ya’ll need to remember, this ain’t gonna be easy.
Listen, ya’ll, folks are not gonna pay much attention to what we say here but we gotta make sure they don’t wise up to what we gonna do here.
It is for us, the True Believers, to rededicate ourselves to finishing that glorious march towards the ideal of fairness for all, not just the 1% who exploited the rest of ya’ll.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 12:38PM
It is for us, the ones we’ve been waiting for, to find increased devotion to that great task for which so many donors have given the fullest measure of donation, er, I mean “devotion”.
We must insure that Marx, Mao, Che and the other great visionaries did not strive in vain. We must insure that America, under my direction, will have a new birth of equality,
and that a citizenry that exists for the government, of the government, and by the government ain’t gonna have to worry about anymore elections. Вперед к коммунизму!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 12:54PM
Glory, glory, y'all. Almost as powerful as the original, and capable of being written on an envelope. Talent abounds in so many forms.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 1:56PM
Worst Poem I ever read.
Just kidding.
Very well done.
Pecos Pete| 10.20.12 @ 8:06AM
Jack, how did you get "We Are Communists!" to display in Russian?
I wonder if the Village Idiots would understand it anyway? Oh, I forgot, they ignore Tim's game.
KennesawJack| 10.20.12 @ 9:43AM
Pete, there are two ways to do it. I speak Russian so I just go the "symbols" icons on Word. It contains the Cyrillic alphabet. You could also go to Google Translate, type the phrase you want in English then cut and paste the Russian. The translation is actually "Forward with Communism" which was Lenin's (and then Stalin's) slogan from which, of course, Obamarx got his Forward. Commie bastard.
mike 3/505| 10.20.12 @ 1:28PM
Xorosho.
KennesawJack| 10.20.12 @ 5:42PM
Spaciba.
mike 3/505| 10.20.12 @ 5:46PM
Pozshzaulsta
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 12:59PM
Since the competition is so vigorous, and time and space limitations currently permit, I’ll make a film entry, as well. My selection today will be the 1981 film noir tribute Body Heat, with William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. Ms. Turner plays Matty Walker, the deceptive and scheming wife of a wealthy man, who manipulates a small time not too bright lawyer Ned Racine (Hurt) into murdering her husband during a sweltering heat wave in pre-universally air- conditioned Florida. They succeed in killing him, but the plot comes unraveled as Ned realizes that Matty has set him up to be the fall guy. He confronts her shortly before he is to be arrested and there’s an explosion and fire in which it appears she dies.
The film cuts away to Racine in his prison cell, lawyering away on his own case. He has a high school yearbook from Matty’s past mailed to him, and he learns that she was never even who she claimed to be, and she put it over on him and her late husband. Spoiler Alert. The film ends with a scene of Kathleen Turner on an exclusive foreign beach, enjoying a tropical drink, and planning her next scheme.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 12:59PM
The dumbass lawyer Racine is the majority of the American electorate who voted for Obama in 2008. Kathleen Turner is the Obama campaign of 2008, tricking and manipulating the electorate into killing her husband (the American constitutional republic and its generally capitalist, market driven economy). The guy on the beach in the end talking to Kathleen Turner’s character is the 2012 electorate, and/ or the future of our republic.
Hopefully, it all gets figured out before it is killed for good.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 2:03PM
That's more like it.
As long as Navritil doesn't replace - Kathleen Turner - with Linda Lovelace, and - Tricking a not too bright Lawyer into Murderring her Husband - with Gowing Down on the whole Town?
You stand a Helluva Good Chance of Winning this.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:36PM
Where is he, anyway?
John Navratil| 10.19.12 @ 4:04PM
TLP,
Thinking of you and Kathleen Turner's legs! Can't play today - I've got some cellular modems to get to work. You did a hell of a job of the Wizard of Oz parody. Perhaps you should take the prize.
I was thinking of "Consenting Adults", but realized it was a failure as the Chicago machine would never leave the "dead" woman alive. Still, Spacey conned the insurance companies, the protagonist, the protagonist's wife (and took her as his lover) and almost got away with it. The other failure of the plot is that Spacey was killed with his own bat at the end and I don't think, even metaphorically, that is in the cards for Obama.
Carry on without me.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 5:08PM
The Contest runs until Saturday at 7pm.
Try.
We need you.
Did you see that Kaminsky dropped by?
What an Honour.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 7:54AM
I hope you weren't thinking of me WITH Kathleen Turner's legs. (which I hear bear a stark resemblance to Candy Cowley's legs, these days.)
KennesawJack| 10.20.12 @ 9:45AM
I think Kathleen shaves her, though. At least that's what Purp says.
chuck| 10.20.12 @ 4:07PM
"Spacey was killed with his own bat at the end and I don't think, even metaphorically, that is in the cards for Obama."
I'm not so sure, especially if Hillary gets thrown under the bus.
I'm thinking of Bill Clinton's take on that:
"If that M#$%^r F%^&*()$# N%!$*r thinks he can throw my little pumpkin Hillary under the bus, I got just 2 words for him: VINCE, FOSTER!"
Bob Grant| 10.20.12 @ 9:43AM
That was an excellent movie. One of the best of the film noir genre.
It's just a hair behind A Touch of Evil, the gold standard of the Film Noir genre. (The opening scene of ATOE is worth the price of admission alone)!
Body Heat: great cinematography, storyline, and, of course, who can forget Kathleen Turner's voice!
Oh, and the unforgettable character Racine. Sure, he's a gullible lawyer who thinks with his pants but how cool is it of him to light up cigarettes right after hot, sweaty, running sessions? ....that's just so Racine!
An excellent analogy of our current political scene.
I'm just waiting for a Ted Danson character to come forth and rat out this administration from within.
I'm not holding my breath.
CJW| 10.19.12 @ 3:17PM
Have you seen Kathleen Turner lately? Wow, looks like Candy Crowley.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:20PM
The years have not been kind to her.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:36PM
I've seen it, and she looks more like John Candy Crowley, if you ask me.
Bob Grant| 10.20.12 @ 9:49AM
Oh, come on man. She will always be Matty!
How many current actresses could play that part? The current crop of pretty moppets don't have the chops to pull it off.
Jacob McCandles| 10.19.12 @ 1:41PM
National Lampoon's Vacation: Our Hero, Clark Griswold (BHO) takes his family (the American people) on a pilgrimage to Wallyworld (Liberal Utopia). Some of the family are very excited about this trip at first. Clark has purchased much for the trip, including the Pea Green Family Truckster (the Economy), but the family does not know that he is now BROKE. As they journey along, they meet some interesting characters, including Cousin Eddy (Joe Biden) and his family (Liberal admin). Unfortunately, Aunt Edna (Hillary Clinton) will also be making the trip. As the move along, the trip isn't as smooth as the family had hoped. They get sidetracked in downtown St. Louis and are swindled out of $$ by someone from the South Side of Chicago. Although the road forward is clearly marked, Clark wants to take a detour (Obamacare) and jettisons the Family Truckster off a cliff, rendering it undrivable. After a long walk alone through the desert, he finds a bearded man who promises to fix the car (Bernanke). However, instead of properly repairing the car, he slaps on 4 wobbly old tires that have been used before, and sets the family once again on their way. Although the mechanic knows the tires won't last long, he takes pride in the fact that things are still moving. Further down the road, Aunt Edna runs into some health problems. Clark wants nothing to do with this, takes all her money, and ties her to the roof (Libya).
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 1:53PM
Like I said, everyone's elevated their game this week.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 2:05PM
You've got til 7pm tomorrow.
You still have time to hit Blockbuster.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 2:09PM
I feel a second entry in the offing.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 7:56AM
Careful.
Maybe you need to poop?
KennesawJack| 10.20.12 @ 9:49AM
That would be an "exit" wouldn't it?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 2:12PM
Another great entry. With the libs, they’d try to make the scene with the dog tied to the bumper like Romney’s dog Seamus, but Seamus survived the Romney vacation trip and thrived. I think Aunt Edna’s dog would represent the middle class, racing to keep up for the first mile, but eventually overwhelmed by the speed of the decline, and dragged into extinction (to join the 47%).
Pecos Pete| 10.19.12 @ 1:59PM
Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner
Road Runner is, of course, Romney & Ryan.
Wile E. Coyote is, take your pick:
1. Barrack Obama
2. Joe Biden
3. Valerie Jarrett
4. Hilarie Clinton
5. Bill Clinton
6. David Axelrod
7. David Plouffe
8. Jay Carney
9. Robert Gibbs
10. Crisco Crowley
11. The entire Obama Campaign Staff.
12. Any two, or three, or more of the above.
13. All of the above.
Wile plans a water deluge trap. R&R walk through the trap without getting wet. Wile can't stand that the trap wasn't triggered and R&R missed the deluge. Should have watered down the R&R campaign. Wile walks over to the water deluge trap ... SLUSH!!! and Wile is washed down the canyon in a flood.
Wile's big eyes as he looks at us in amazed awe even remind me of King O's eyes when he is caught in a lie.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 2:08PM
This is what you can accomplish when you take Flik's advice to the little Ant, in A Bug's Life.
"Just use your imagination."
Nice Job, Foxhole Boy.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 3:23PM
That's my Battle Buddy.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:10PM
We'll know that everyone has figured out what's going on when they follow the National Anthem at ball games with the Warner Bors. "Looney Tunes" theme.
Stkman| 10.19.12 @ 2:15PM
Is anyone going to enter the most obvious one of all, "The Manchurian Candidate"?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:08PM
Go for it, though you have the Frank Sinatra original version and the Denzel Washington version to work with there.
CJW| 10.19.12 @ 3:47PM
I saw one episode of Homeland Security that is doing a Manchurian candidate theme with the Marine who was a pow for eight years.
John II| 10.19.12 @ 2:18PM
To be sung to the tune of "Gee, Officer Krupke," from WEST SIDE STORY (1961)
Deeeeeaaaarrr Republican Congress,
You gotta look at me.
It's just the way I am--
The way I think, the way I see:
My daddy was a commie,
My mommy was a twit . . .
Golly, Congress, that's the size of it!
Gee, Republican Congress, I'm very upset;
I never had the work that ev'ry kid oughta get.
I always had money,
Attention and praise.
Deep down inside me there's a haze.
CHORUS
There's a haze, there's a haze,
There's a deep, weird haze!
Like inside, the best of him's a haze,
Haze, haze, haze . . .
The best of him's a haze.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:39PM
Now you guys are cracking me up.
Hilarious.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 7:59AM
I thought you couldn't come out and play, today?
R E M E M B E R ?
John II| 10.20.12 @ 1:13PM
Yes--but that was just a warm-up exercise. I had something else in mind for today (Saturday). I'll try to get it out in the next few hours, Timmy. Thanks for the extension.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 6:53PM
You earned it.
You didn't build it.
But, you definately earned it.
CJW| 10.19.12 @ 2:20PM
During the past four years we have been to the inferno and with the forthcoming election of Romney and Ryan we will climb out of hell and back to the American paradise we deserve and have had before.
We have been ruled by the:
1. spenders, the wrathful, the sullen, gluttons, and lustful. Examples abound, Obama, Michele, Bawney, CrazyJoeB.
2 the fraudulent, hypocrites, thieves, falsifiers, flatterers. Examples: Obama, Hollywood left, MSM, Candy and Raddatz, Hillary.
3. Betrayors. Obama lying about the cause of the Benghazi terrorrist attack to label it a natural reaction to a video to coverup his incopentence. Obama going to Vegas to fundraise, meeting with foreign policy experts such as Beyonce and Letterman instead of Bibi,
4. The violent. The most pro abortion president in history. What is worse than violence towards the helpless unborn?
You can add your examples.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:11PM
Are you suggesting Dante was the prescient biographer of this administration?
CJW| 10.19.12 @ 3:16PM
Si, signore.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:40PM
Press 11 for Mexican.
John II| 10.19.12 @ 2:22PM
Dear Republican Congress, my life is all in flux.
I learned to hate America,
I learned the country sucks.
I got what I wanted,
I never had to work . . .
Leapin' lizards! That's why I'm a jerk.
Oh, Republican Congress, you ain't gotta a prayer,
No matter what you try to do, I'm gonna be there:
The deficit spending will never be curbed,
Entitlements and taxes: no way they'll be disturbed!
CHORUS
He's disturbed, he's disturbed,
He's the most disturbed,
Like he's psychologic'ly disturbed!
[Hey--I'm depraved on account of I'm deprived!]
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:07PM
Great use of a classic show tune, John II, made even more delightfully ironic since the music was composed by famous limousine liberal and Black Panther supporter Leonard Bernstein.
John II| 10.19.12 @ 5:55PM
Whoa--what superior judgment, Al! When I was in prep school, we did a production of West Side Story (all the rage in 1960/61) directed by an energetic, classically smug campus lib. I date that experience as the occasion for the birth of my conservative sensibilities. Later I read Tom Wolfe on Bernstein. My selection of that show tune is doubtless a touch of subliminal payback.
What wide knowledge and perspicacious insight you exhibit! (Are there any rules in this contest against sucking up to the judges?)
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 8:45PM
Only TLP has contact with the judges. I am but the Renfield to his Count Dracula regarding the entries, encouraging all of the contestants, as he invites us all in, as he cannot enter unless he is welcomed.
John II| 10.19.12 @ 10:36PM
Can I be a judge too?
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 8:10AM
No. You cannot.
In fact, according to YOU, you're not even supposed to be here til Saturday.
There are no Rules pertaining to Sucking Up to the Judges.
However, there are Rules that prohibit the Sucking @ff of Judges.
Rule 5, paragraph 9, subsection 16. And there's a picture of Paris Hilton's Face next to it.
This keeps Purp and Pelleas and Allan Brooks a mile away, as well as keeping my Email from filling up.
I hope that helps.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 8:30AM
You know who those guys are, don't you?
Purp. Pelleas. Vasalanbrooksaline.
They're the other guys on this site that like SHOW TUNES.
Interesting.
John II| 10.20.12 @ 1:19PM
What a revolting thought. You mean . . . I might be PURP!?!
Anyhow, stop distracting me. I'm composing.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 6:55PM
You're cracking me up.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 2:36PM
Ok, ya'll. My second and last entry. It's only 2 1/2 hrs 'til Yuengling time and I gotta start winding down, chill a bit, and get ready to watch the Syracuse Orange do a number on UConn tonight.
For those of us old enough to remember, the followin offering is to be sung to the tune of Frankie Valle and the Four Seasons "Candy Girl". The words in parens are sung by the quartet, those not, by Mr. Valle.
CANDY SHILL
I’ve been a-axin’ but not until
Wednesday did I find my
Candy Shill, Candy Shill
I-yi-yi-yi found me a shill (Candy Shill)
She-ee-ee-ee gives my leg a thrill (Candy Shill)
With clappin’ and lyin’
(She’s mine) mine (mine) mine.
Whoa-oa-oa-oa (Candy Shill)
We got along so well (Candy Shill)
I know just why I fell (Candy Shill)
She’s thrillin’ (thrillin’) shillin’ (shillin’)
Yes she’s so divine.
She’s lyin’ (lyin’) lyin’ (lyin’)
Whoa-oa-oa-oa (Candy Shill)
When we’re on stage together
Everyone sees the way she shills.
We both seem to be on the same frequency
And it’s plain to see
She worships me!
I –yi-yi-yi’m happy as can be (Candy Shill)
She-ee-ee-ee does lie spendidly (Candy Shill)
Elect me (elect me) elect me (elect me)
She believes you will.
(She’s shillin’) shillin’ (Shillin’) shillin’
Whoa-oa-oa-oa
Candy Shill.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:04PM
Clearly, Chris Christie's objections notwithstanding, you found the superior New Jersey pop music figure to work with for this contest. These days, I have much more Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons in my rotation than Springsteen. I think "Jersey Boys" next tour may found your version much more appealing in the heartland.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:12PM
find, found, whatever it takes..
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 3:13PM
Cannot believe I spelled his last name wrong! By the way, did you enjoy the Warsteiner Dunkle I drank for you?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:22PM
Sehr gut, Mein Herr. I intend to reciprocate shortly with a series of draft Yuengling lagers.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 3:33PM
Taco Mac at 6. Wings, Fries, Yuengling, Shot of Jaeger for dessert and the 'Cuse on ESPN at 8. Be there or be......well, just be.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:42PM
Toilet at 9.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:44PM
And 10.
And 11.
And 12.
chuck| 10.19.12 @ 8:37PM
KJ,
Am I correct in assuming you are from Kennesaw Ga?
If so, may I recommend Jersey's in Woodstock. Bell's Ferry Rd at Towne Lake Dr. Best wings around. Not as good a selection of beer, but they always have good ones.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 11:18PM
I will be there next Friday. That's wing night. Thanks for the tip.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 8:35AM
Make that - Public Toilet at 9, and 10, and 11.
CJW| 10.19.12 @ 3:15PM
The bar is set high today. I have another entry, non fiction.
During the mid 1960's the Steelers had the worst team. We lost regularly and had lousy draft picks. A badly run team. No respect. Just like our country the past four years.
Then Chuck Noll ( Mitt) was hired. He was serious, smart, and dedicated to winning. He drafted good players (Ryan, Herman Cain for Commerce Dept, Newt for UN, Giuiani for Atty General).
Noll won four super bowls in six years, from 1974 ti 1980.
Mitt will cut the deficit, cut tax rates, and get the economy moving, and restore our respect in the world. No more apologies and bowing.
Warrior| 10.19.12 @ 3:17PM
When I equate a tv quip to our government, because ultimately its always about the veiled attempts at hiding the true meaning of what you are hearing and seeing. An old comedy guy named Soupy Sales, as the legend would have it, once told this joke on a kids tv show: What word starts with "F" and ends with "UCK."
Sorry TLP, the answer was Firetruck.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 3:26PM
I think the was also a part of the question in there of "what's long and hard", as well, which continues to work in favor of your entry.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:47PM
I knew it was Firefuck.
Do you think I'm Stupib?
Pecos Pete| 10.19.12 @ 3:40PM
My #2, hoping the Colonel will ride along with me.
To the tune of Ghost Riders in the Sky sung by Johnny Cash:
Young Obama went riding out one dark and windy day
Upon a ridge he rested as he went along his way
When all at once a mighty herd of red eyed Voters he saw
A-plowing through the ragged sky and up the cloudy draw
Their pocketbooks were still on fire and their votes were made of steel
Their eyes were black and shiny and their hot breath he could feel
A bolt of fear went through him as they thundered through the sky
For he saw the Voters coming hard and he heard their mournful cry
Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi yaaaaay
American Voters in the sky
Their faces gaunt, their eyes were blurred, their shirts all soaked with sweat
Voter's riding hard to stop those Liberals dead, but they ain't caught 'em yet
'Cause they've got to ride forever on that range up in the sky
On horses snorting fire and cryin' Freedom ain't Free
As they ride on hear their cry,
Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi yaaaaay
American Voters in the sky
As the Voters loped on by him he heard one call his name
If you want to save your soul from Hell
Then Obama change your ways today or against us you will ride
Trying to break the American Spirit across these endless skies
Yippie yi Ohhhhh
Yippie yi Yaaaaay
American Voters in the sky
American Voters in the sky
American Voters in the sky
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 3:47PM
Methinks we have a winner. Damn, Pete. That was really, really good.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:48PM
Penis.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:49PM
Don't ask.
Nick| 10.19.12 @ 5:31PM
DON'T TELL!
(I beg you!)
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 8:53AM
Well.......since you begged me to tell you?
My Court Appointed Psychiatrist says I have Gigabyte Turets Syndrome.
People get it from being Overexposed to Blithering Blatherers, spouting Nonsensical Non Sequiturs, Non Stop, all day and night.
MOTHERFCKR!
There it goes, again.
mike 3/505| 10.19.12 @ 5:17PM
I'm with you..And in awe of your imagination.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 8:39AM
It's easy to have a good Imagination when you're you're not half in the bag at 9 in the morning.
mike 3/505| 10.20.12 @ 1:23PM
Tim,
There you go again...assuming I am just an average achiever. I am NEVER just half in the bag. Anything worth doing, is worth doing all the way.
Besides we ain't under peacetime rules: 12 hours, bottle to throttle. We are under wartime rules: 12 FEET, bottle to throttle
Regards,
Mike
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 8:36PM
Johnny Cash, the Outlaws, Spike Jones and everyone else who ever recorded the original thank you for your highly relevant version, I am sure.
R Martin| 10.19.12 @ 3:44PM
Here's a new one. Think of the movie "Big". At the end the Tom Hanks character reverts to his childhood physique, but he's still wearing an adult business suit, now way too large for him, and he looks a bit forlorn. Is that our president, or what?
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 3:57PM
Once, again.
Living proof that it doesn't have to be 1,000 words, to be good.
Nice Job, Rickey.
Well done.
KyMouse| 10.19.12 @ 3:52PM
Okay, mine is "The Traitor of the American Majority," starring Humphrey Bogart as Fred Hussein Dobbs, a drifter who has never held a real job; and Walter Huston as Howard Biden, his cackling, jig-dancing sidekick.
Fred and Howard come up with ways to dig every last bit of gold out of the people who live within the purple mountains' majesty. However, each man realizes that the other cannot be trusted, being dishonest at heart.
Fred runs off with the American people's gold, but they realize what he has done, and capture him.
They hand him his head.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 8:33PM
Wow. On behalf of my countrymen, can you help a fellow American down on his luck?
Drunken Sailor| 10.19.12 @ 4:29PM
There once was lad named Obama
Who agreed with Freud about his Momma
Meglomania was formed,
Free liberty he scorned
We sent him packing with much drama.
Best I could do with no adult beverage in hand.
KennesawJack| 10.19.12 @ 4:47PM
There are times when sobriety really does suck, aren't there?
Drunken Sailor| 10.19.12 @ 4:50PM
It can lubricate the creative juices. How else to explain all the 3 am drunk calls to ex wives/girlfriends?
Nick| 10.19.12 @ 4:33PM
That was good, Mr. Pennell. Very good.
Almost too good.
You must have worked on that one for weeks.
zing!
Or, did your hot wife "help" you with it?
Bah-dah bump-bump!
Anyway, sorry, but it has to be the docu-drama Helter Skelter.
Little Charlie Manson (O'Bama) thinks he is a very important person and has delusions of grandeur.
He assembles a Family of followers (O'Bamatons) to do his bidding. They will do anything for their hip, progressive guru.
If anybody gets in Manson's way, they must be destroyed. E.g., Sarah Palin, the T.E.A. Party, the "pigs" (police, for those of you in Rio Linda,) the baby killers (the military,) and the rich.
They don't believe in true marriage.
And, they smell (Occupy losers).
The LaBianca's represent the rich, so, they must be destroyed.
Sharon Tate, and her unborn baby, represent the Manson Family's (Team O'Bama's) hatred of the unborn (fetus in Latin).
Stephanie Cutter is Lynette "Squeaky" Fromme.
Debbie Blabbermouth-Putz is Susan Atkins.
San Fran Gran Nan Pelosi is Sara Jane Moore.
Valerie Jarrett is Leslie Van Houten.
Nick| 10.19.12 @ 4:34PM
Continued....
Romney/Ryan represent the police's effort to hunt the Family (O'Bama/Crowley) down and stop their reign of destruction.
Finally, when they are caught and it is revealed that it was a bunch of peace lovin', free-lovin', dope-smokin' hippies who commited these crimes, their fellow stinking hippies (and liberal allies) have the nerve to be shocked, and ask, "How could this have happened?"
Just like the mushy-moderates of today are asking why haven't O'Bama's policies worked?
Bill Clinton is Roman Polanski, of coarse.
Nick| 10.19.12 @ 4:45PM
p.s. I should've added that the Manson Family brought the hippie/slacker movement of the 1960s to an abrupt end.
Not that they went away, mind you. Just that, like cockroaches, when exposed to the light of day, they went scurrying for the shadows.
Marxists/progressives/liberals/socialists never, ever really go away. They just change costumes.
p.p.s. I apologize that my entry is based on such a forlorn & non-humorous subject. But, Manson was is in the news today, and when they played Helter Skelter, this just came to me.
It just fit too perfectly.
And, I knew it would drive libs right up the wall.
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 5:15PM
Who are you?
Nick| 10.19.12 @ 5:29PM
Don't you mean where am I?
(Using my best Charlie Manson voice)
I'm in your head, man!
I'm livin' there rent-free, amigo!
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:04PM
Sadly, Steve Railsback never really recovered to play many starring roles (other than Stunt Man) after his great performance as Charles Manson in the film you have entered.
Just as sadly, Charlie's plan was to ignite the race war, and when his projected winners emerged victorious (he just said the blacks, or whatever term he used to describe them, but meant those who had come to depend on government largesse, if we follow what he really meant), they would be unable to run things, so they'd have to rely on his expert executive experience (apparently gained, in Charlies case, as commune organizer, and as tier man in prison) in order to survive.
Bob Grant| 10.19.12 @ 5:06PM
Porky's Revenge!... (the final installment of this great trilogy)
Porky represents the corruption...the crudity...the crassness that represents today's democratic party...and the mainstream media...and hollywood. I can't make a direct obama/Porky comparison - however - because porky actually ran a business, something obama couldn't conceptualize in a million years.
The horny teenage high school boys represent the collective animal spirits (conservatives and freedom loving people of all stripes) of this country, ready to be truly unleashed once their nemesis is defeated once and for all.
An epic battle for the ages!
We have Hillary Clinton playing Beulah Ballbricker
And, of course, TLP playing Pee Wee.
Ok, this is getting lame and I need to leave for home...
TLP| 10.19.12 @ 5:16PM
You Better Go Home.
Bob Grant| 10.19.12 @ 6:00PM
A snob of Porkys movies I see.
I'm sure while I was taking in these wonderful cinematic gems at the metroplex during the 80's, you were in one of the other theaters watching The Color Purple or Chariots of Fire.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:52PM
...and Porky's Revenge was so much better than I or II...
Bob Grant| 10.20.12 @ 9:51AM
You have to ask?
chuck| 10.19.12 @ 8:30PM
My entry is the Newhart Show. The one with Larry, his brother Darryl, and his other brother Darryl.
After all the weird crap that Newhart went through in the little town, on the final episode, he wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette(from The Bob Newhart Show), and says," you won't believe the weird dream I had!"
This we be all of America's reaction the morning after Romney is sworn in.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 8:49PM
That was the best dream sequence of all American TV. From your lips to God's ears.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.19.12 @ 9:57PM
This is entry 133 of 135 contest entries as of 955 pm EST on 101912. Only 22 hours left before the Judges announce the prize winners (Though all are winners, just for showing up. You just don't get promised a prize by TLP.).
BL in AK| 10.20.12 @ 1:24AM
TLP-
Thanks for keeping the contest open over the weekend, it helps with the 4hr time difference. My entry is Stalag 17 with William Holden as Mitt Romney who gets beaten up (by MSM here) on false pretenses, Peter Graves as Ben Bernanke the double agent sending messages with the chess piece to Schultz (Hillary, alas different gender/agency, judges?), the SS/Gestapo are BHOs czars, the AF Major Roberts? who gets stashed in the water tower hanging, keeping his feet above the water waiting on the escape represent the american entreprueners, and the commandant is BHO. William Holden (Mitt) presents the facts and gets the opportunity to rescue the entreprueners (Mjr Roberts) hanging in the water tower. MR is currently crawling below the barracks to the water tower to free the entrepreuners. MR post next debate represents Wm Holden reaching the water tower to recapture the confidence of the AF Major shocked on who his rescuer is, the depicted terrorist by MSM. They realize their freedom is at stake and they agree to fight for it. The election is the barbed wire fence surrounding Stalag 17. Our two heroes (Mitt and American entreprueners) plan to acknowledge each other at a future place beyond Stalag 17.
beer and popcorn anyone?
cheerz
BL
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 9:29AM
Great film (and if my memory serves me correctly, Maj Roberts? would be Lt. Dunbar).
Jacob McCandles| 10.20.12 @ 1:56AM
Leave it to Beaver. Starring Joe Biden as Eddie Haskel.
that's enough funny for me right there.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 9:31AM
"Gee, Mrs. Romney, you look awful nice today. Let me introduce you to my friend Whoopie."
Bob Grant| 10.20.12 @ 10:03AM
" Wow Eddie. Is that Buckwheat from The Little Rascals?"
KennesawJack| 10.20.12 @ 10:29AM
FABULOUS! Bob. Freakin' fabulous!
Joellen| 10.20.12 @ 7:53AM
The Towering Inferno with the late great Steve McQueen. Richard Chamberland/Obama is the swarmy, snaky engineer/builder who constructs the tallest building in the most dishonest, deceiful way. He builds a building/Country that can not stand and eventually will fall. Even though he's a creep he still has the loyal wife/Hillary/Feminist woman standing by him; along with a father-in-law/the ill informed American People, who gave him the job, not because he earned it, but because he was the daughters husband/affirmative action. You have the Architect/Patriotic Americans who can see the cracks in the walls, but the Engineer/Obama pulls the wool over the majority of the people and they still enter into this building that has no solid foundation. In a very short time the building/Country catches fire. In comes the good guy Steve McQueen/Romney who has to save their butts, risks good lives while he is doing it (fireman/Military) but with good ole American ingenuity, strenght and sacrifice he/we get the job done. The building/country is but a shell of what it was but fianlly the bad guy/Obama gets his just desserts and the survivors hopefully have learned their lesson and understand there are building laws/Constitution that must be adhered to if you want a strong foundation/country.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 9:28AM
Excellent choice. I would suggest Eric Holder in the OJ Simpson part, not due to his resemblance to the somewhat heroic character, but because of the role both Holder and OJ play in real life as racially polarizing figures responsible for the death of innocent people who belong in prison.
John II| 10.20.12 @ 1:23PM
Innocent people belong in prison? What's with all these frickin' dangling modifiers?
Never mind. Don't tell me. I'm trying to compose a second entry before the deadline.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 7:03PM
Good catch on my poor structure, I gave my parentheses most of the weekend off.
chuck| 10.20.12 @ 9:13AM
THIS ENTRY.....RIPPED FROM THE HEADLINES!!!!!! (as they used to say on Law and Order)
BIG TEX BURNS DOWN!
The Big Tex statue at the Texas State Fair has caught fire and burned to the ground. The statue, loved, worshipped, and adimired by adorring Texans is now just a pile of smoldering ashes. The mayor of Dallas vows that we will rebuild, better than ever.
"The One", the empty chair, is the statue, loved, admired, looked up at with fawning eyes(and a tingle down legs).
The fire represents the revolt of disgust Americans paying $4 a gallon gas, with homes underwater, living on food stamps, and looking for work.
The pile of ashes is the hopes and dreams of Americans, now destitute from 4 lost years.
The smoke is all the b ullshit spoken through the years by "the one we've all been waiting for", and eched by the sycophants in the MSM.
The mayor of Dallas is Mitt Romney, ready to rebuilt America, like a phoenix reborn from the ashes.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 9:35AM
I'm torn, though, between scoring the scene musically with Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" or The Tramps' "Disco Inferno (Burn, Baby, Burn)".
Warrior| 10.20.12 @ 9:59AM
Bloodhound Gang, The Roof's on Fire. The lyrics were fitting of this contest. Classic when the call Webster the Anti-Christ.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 11:11AM
"...We don't need no water..."
chuck| 10.20.12 @ 12:59PM
I'm thinking the musical score should be "Let Freedom Ring" by Martina McBride.
BTW, it's what Hannity uses as a theme song.
BL in AK| 10.20.12 @ 2:07PM
Thanks Albert. Yes, Lt Dunbar is in the water tower and Septon is Wm Holden. The commandant was played by Otto Premenger (sp?). Had to check wiki after I posted last night for the true character names.
Have a good weekend
BL
John II| 10.20.12 @ 2:34PM
Pretty stiff competition. Damn. Anyhow, here's my second entry, again from WEST SIDE STORY (1961), to the tune of "Maria."
BAFFLED VOTER (speaking)
Obama . . . Obama . . . Obama . . .
(breaks into song)
The most annoying sound I ever heard:
Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama . . .
All the staccato-like noise of the world in a single word . . .
Obama, Obama, Obama, Obama . . .
OBAMAAAAAA!
I just heard a speech by Obama,
And suddenly I knew
The demagogic brew
He serves.
Obamaaaaa!
I just read a speech by Obama,
A transcript that I found
Left flapping on the ground--
My nerves!
Obama!
Every word
In a speech so absurd
Floating by in a stream like a turd.
Obama, Obama, Obamaaaaaaa.
Obama!
Say it loud and it's exactly like braying,
Say it soft and your brain-stem starts fraying.
Obama.
I just want to stop saying Obamaaaaa!
The most annoying sound I ever heard:
O-BA-maaaaaaaaaa.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 7:07PM
Another finger in Bernstein's eye! Have you got a working title for the whole musical such as Western Civilization Story?
The possibilities with this administration and "I Like it Here in America" abound.
John II| 10.20.12 @ 7:10PM
I've already thought of that. But I'm saving it for next week's contest.
TLP| 10.20.12 @ 7:23PM
It's 7:05 pm.
We have 176 Entries.
Everybody give yourself a round of applause.
We've gone from 18, to 176 in one Month.
We've done it with Grace. With Class. And with a sense of Family, and Humilty.
I believe that we all represent what is Good about America. I really do.
Unfortunately, one of us - Me - just got home from Golf, and one of is - Me - is Pretty Wasted, and my Smoking Hot Wife - who makes all of the money - wants to go to some old Asian Bag's Retirement Party.
This Edition of The Contest is over, and with 170+ Entrants this time? It's gonna take some time to go through all of these things.
The Winners and the Losers will be posted, TOMMORROW, at 1pm, as I have to go to Church, tomorrow, with a Hangover.I hope you will bear with me, til then.
And, I hope that Albert will be ready, tomorrow, to make everything I say, make sense.
I'm up at 5 am, so when you get up?
The Final Tallies will be out there for you to see.
And, God Help You if had a Show Tune, and wasn't Kissing My Ass.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.20.12 @ 7:37PM
I feel confident that, like me, many will be watching for the smoke coming from the chimney, and awaiting the announcement of the winners (or, as an Obama administration official might say, the redistribution of the prizes).
Bob Grant| 10.21.12 @ 12:07AM
Well, consider this my pre-complaint about not even being in the running. No honorable mentions, no natta!!!!
I simply cannot believe you would pass on a Porky's movie analogy. It had sex, violence, ...even a Hillary diss.
What more could you want!!!
Eh,
Go ahead and give it to some poem or a reference to some art house movie no one's ever seen.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 11:20AM
All right. Lets's do this.
First of all, this is Impossible. Every one of these were great. Every one of them.
I know what you're thinking - "Even mike 3/505? His SUCKED!"
1st of all - That's not nice.
2nd of all - (You can't see me, but I'm making the 'Drinky Drinky' motion with my hand.)
And, 3rdly - It's quite possible that he's just trying to establish an Insanty Defence for God knows what atrocities he's probably committed where he lives.
"Your Honour. May I direct the Jury's attention to the following NUMEROUS Incoherent Contest Entries that my Client has been submitting each Friday? I think they will prove to be extremely substantive to my Client's desperate bid to get out of the Numerous Heinous charges, against him."
Now, back to The Awards.
I think that we can all agree that Kaminsky's effort was The Worst. I know that he had a lotta things to do, on Friday. Important things like - Getting his Nails done. A Pedicure. Maybe a Styling? And definately, a Facial. I suggested to him that it might be easier if he just Phoned In his Entry, the same way that he Phones In his Columns. I just never dreamed that he would actually take me up on it.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 11:56AM
I'm pretty sure that we would all agree that MINE was incredibly Super Fantastic, and that nobody could beat me. I'm the only one who can beat me. Trust me. I seem to beat myself every day. I'm always beating myself to death, like I am right now, with this Double Entendre.
I cannot win any prizes - for Legal Reasons - so I am left to choose Winners and Losers from a pool of Not enough Winners, and Too many Losers. (Just kidding, people. You're ALL Winners to me. Even the Losers)
180 Entries. And, even though 160 are from me? That's pretty Impressive.
Did you notice all of the Songs and Show Tunes? Did you notice the words - 'Song' or 'Show Tune' in the List of Official Contest Rules?
Neither did I.
I'm looking at the Judges, and they're signaling to me that they find this Hostile Flouting of the Rules, acceptable. I also notice that they all have toilet paper stuck to their shoes.
Interesting.
I liked Candy Girl. I didn't know any of the other tunes. Nor did I know that Bruce Springsteen was doing Manilow Songs, now.
I thought that Chuck had a very clever Entry. I'm pretty sure that he couldn't have possibly come up with that himself. (Have you ever SEEN one of his comments?) I'm guessing it was Him, his brother Chuck, and his other brother Chuck.
Mr. Kwan's - Something Wicked, This Way Comes. (Expect something in the Mail)
Eduardo - Muy Bueno. Excellente!
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 12:23PM
Did all of you see that we had a real Alaskan Eskimo - from Alaska - send in a real entry, from Alaska? And, he wrote it in English, so there's no need to push a button for an English Translation from Alaskan.
His Stalag 17 contribution was excellent. It may not get him Hillary's Self Esteem, but I've been watching those new Alaska Shows, and he shouldn't be surprised if he finds a Waterlogged Log, or two, in his Mailbox within the next coupla days.
Joellen (who's not in Alasksa) sent in her Towering Inferno rendition, that has me thinking - Winner.
And, John II (who HATES Alaska) looks like he Struck Gold with his 2nd Entry, from the totally Gay - West Side Story - "Musical" for girls and women. I know that, wherever he is when he reads this, he will be whimpering Tears of Joy that will cascade from his bloodshot eyes, all the way to the Ballet Slippers he has on his feet.
We are inching ever closer to the time when the White Smoke will billow up from the Tailpipe of my 1998 Dodge Dakota and it's 200,000 Miles on its Odemeter.
Jacob McCandle knocked it outta the Park, with The American Classic - National Lampoon's Vacation, before casting a pall over everything with his Leave it to Beaver suggestion.
This Contest is Family Friendly. Let's try and Keep it Clean, shall we?
Bob Grant entered Porky's, and No, it had nothing to do with having Sex with Candy Crowley, as far as I know.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 12:44PM
Ricky Martin kept it Short but Sweet (that's what she said) with his BIG (fill in the blank)
Nick did, what Nick always does. He sent in a Gem using the Manson Family from the 60's, to make a representation of the Manson Family that we have Now, in the personage of this Administration.
What can I say?
Albert and KJ?
Where would all of this be without you two?
The Contest is much more than just the Entries. It's the Banter. The Back and Forths. The Funny Jokes (mine) and the ones you guys send in.
This week's Winners are as follows - The very Hot Joellen and a movie you would expect from a Hottie - The Towering Inferno.
John II and his Gay Ballerina Sissyboy West Side Story thingy.
The Mysterious Mr. Kwan, from parts unknown, and his Spine-tingling entry of a Macabe Circus that blew in to Town.
John McCandle, Muckaluk up in Alaska, Eduardo sneaking across the Border, and Bob Grant - for calling me Pee Wee.
What an Honour.
As Roger from American Dad would say - You Humble me. I'm Humbled.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 12:49PM
Do not write anything til I get back.
I have to do Family stuff, and seing as how Hillary turned out to not having any Self Esteem left (what I snatched from the street, turned out to be a piece of old chewed up gum) I will designate a New Winner's Prize, just as soon as we get back from going to The Orchard.
Be Patient.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 5:41PM
First I'd like to say that the Trip to the Orchard was a Bust. A Big Fat D Cup Bust. You're welcome Navritil.
Three Frosts in the Spring burned the Apple Blossoms on the branches and they lost 90% of their Crop. The Pumpkin Patch looked more like the Floor of the Astrodome, after Katrina.
As far as The Prizes are concerned?
To the Homourable mentions - Albert, Kennesawjack, CJW, Pecos Pete, and the rest of you who didn't make it to the Winner's Circle, I'm sure that they are Honoured just to be Mentioned and feel no need to have a No Cash Value Prize.
For the Loser - Colonel Alcoholic - I've sent a letter to his current CO at his current Post, Emailing him all of this weekend's Showtune Entries under His Name, and pointing out his Fascination of a buncha Boys on a Beach, with the Recommendation that a Section Eight Discharge might be in order.
To the Winners go the Spoils.
And seeing as that last shred of Hillary's Dignity turned out te be some Chewed Up Gum, I am sending them all the Copies of Stock Trading for Dummies that I was gonna give to Kaminsky, including his Email Address, his His Home Address, and Directions to his House, as well as his Phone Number, just in case he owes you any money.
To the Honourable Mentions who I referenced above, I wanna assure them that their Contributions were truly Sponge Worthy of a Trip to The Winner's Circle.
I just figured that by Redistributing Success it would benift everyone.
Especially, ME.
See ya Monday, and God Bless.
mike 3/505| 10.21.12 @ 6:10PM
Sir Timothy,
I do indeed look forward to Monday; At which point I will explain to you the difference between an Alcoholic and a Drunk. I Sir, am a Drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings, and I will have no truck with such. Good day Sir.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 6:54PM
You can use my Truck.
Joellen| 10.21.12 @ 7:14PM
Tim, blame the frost on GWB, as for the acolades- thank you, and if I may reiterate - what a fun bunch all of you are, I am happy to be in this battle with all of you (as Michelle Malkin would call us "happy warriors"). BTW - in case you all didnt know this - Steve McQueen was a conservative!
GOD Bless you all.
CJW| 10.21.12 @ 7:46PM
McQueen had terrific movies, such as the Great Escape, Magnificent Seven, Thomas Crown Affair, Getaway. His character in the Great Escape, of never giving up-always trying to escape,and bouncing the ball against the wall, is a classic American hero.
R Martin| 10.21.12 @ 1:09PM
While he's out, it's safe to talk about him. I'm starting to wonder about this TLP character. I want to see his birth certificate. His spelling suggests he's a Pom, east London, no doubt.
mike 3/505| 10.21.12 @ 1:58PM
We need to talk bad about him...really bad. Although his brutal comments about my entries and overall character were actually quite honest, they were also so funny as to cause me to spew some very good scotch all over my keboard. He must pay for this. Retribution will be swift and sure...as soon as I sober up.
R Martin| 10.21.12 @ 2:11PM
The more I think about it, that moniker, TLP, probably stands for Tiny Little Pom.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 5:43PM
It actually stands for - Tim' s Large Penis.
Just don't ask my Wife.
Pecos Pete| 10.21.12 @ 3:13PM
Uh oh. Not nice to say bad stuff about Tim when his back is turned. On the other hand, his birth certificate doesn't concern me as much as his failure to disclose his academic, tax returns and DWI records.
And now that I think about it, Tim probably doesn't have any academic records or tax returns ... but, his DWI reports, now that's good stuff we all ought to see.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 5:47PM
I'll do better than that.
I'll ask my Doctor to use Your Finger for my next Prostate Exam.
Now, go wash your hands.
Bob Grant| 10.21.12 @ 8:04PM
TLP,
Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of your stream of consciousness postings but perhaps a valve, or better yet filter, is in order.
This posting conjures a very disturbing visual.
Pecos Pete| 10.21.12 @ 9:04PM
Very, very disturbing visual for me. But that's ok, cause Tim said I could stir his drink at 1700 tomorrow.
Bob Grant| 10.21.12 @ 9:45PM
That "stirs" even more unsettling images.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 2:27PM
Once again, another great contest, which reflects the ability of the participants to view the world around us, and recognize how it can best be translated into popular entertainment. TLP, you again deserve commendation for bringing it all together, including this week’s celebrity visitor, Mr. Kaminsky. On top of that, your entry proved we’re not in Kansas anymore, and there’s no place like home.
John II has managed to put forth a pair of entries purloined from the music of West Side Story, which stole its plot from Romeo & Juliet, which ripped off Tristan & Isolde, and so forth. Unlike a tale of forbidden love, though, it is a tale of redistribution, perfidy and narcisstic self-adulation by a chief executive and his fawning acolytes. I think it covers the last four years very well.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 2:28PM
Kwan’s entry scares the hell out of me for its accurate analogy to how this administration is trying to destroy the middle class but turning a majority of Americans into takers, and enslaving them into its freak show. Chuck brought in Newhart, and the burning Texan (and who could stop the fire after Pecos Pete drove the flaming herd of voters through, and topped it off with a blast from the Acme Demolition Company). Joellen kept the fire burning with the” Towering Inferno”, and R Martin sprayed water from the nautical news from his binder (or folder, or what have you). KJ managed to reference both American and Soviet History, as well as a pop music parody from two score and ten years ago.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 2:29PM
CJW referenced classical literature and pro football, both of which could soon be endangered species. Stkman went New Testament with his parable, and got a relevant “Manchurian Candidate’ mention, as well. Eduardo provided probably the best imagery from a film about a man who came back to find his country changed in an unsatisfactory way, and his approach to fixing it. Mr. McCandles brought around a comic version of a similar story (though both films conclude with the hero using force to “make things right”). Mike kept it airborne and aloft, and Warrior entered the fight with his entries, as well, along with BL in AK from our far Northern flank (Maybe he was just tryin’ to steal our wirecutters).
Bob Grant deserves honorable mention, one again, if for nothing else than bringing up Pee Wee, as the current Obama administration embodies all of his shortcomings with none of his charm. Nick, I fear, reminds us all that when the Left holds contests to rival ours, they write their entries in blood on the walls.
Thanks to everyone for playing, and here’s looking forward to next Friday’s contest.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 6:10PM
Albert.
That was so good, that I've decided to send you the Gum I got from the street, that I thought was Hilary's Self Respect.
Even though you're probably older than most of the jokes I hear on this site?
I consider you My Brother From Another Mother.
(I'm thinking Appleby)
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 8:06PM
Thank you, and I don't want to forget KyMouse, whose entry about "The Treasure of..." should remind us of other famous law enforcement misadventures on the Mexican border "(Badges, we don't need no stinkin' badges! has now become Executive Privilege; we don't need to show you no stinkin' papers!)
Bob Grant| 10.21.12 @ 8:39PM
TLP, Albert:
If I may propose a change to the rules.
You see, my approach to the game is to randomly pick and movie and force the analogy as per your parameters. This runs counter the others who go out and find a movie that will fit the analogy.
This seems too easy. I had a great Gone With the Wind Analogy ready to go. I even included the "birthin' no babies" line that would have had you on the floor but chose to "kick it up a notch" by forcing an analogy from Porky's Revenge.
Now that you understand my approach maybe you'll throw me something more than stinkin' Honorable Mentions!
I propose my approach be adopted for the next game so I can get in the running for the real prizes.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 10:41PM
TLP announces the judges decisions and awards the prizes. My role as co-winner in Contest #1 has largely evolved to being in charge (to the extent that there is anything resembling duly constituted authority) of honorable mention.
Another way to say it, I am Ed McMahon to TLP's Johnny Carson, so the best I can give is "Hii-Yooooooo!!!!
KyMouse| 10.22.12 @ 11:07AM
Thanks so much, ACJ! I am furious that I neglected to include the Mexican connection. Next time, I'll tell myself, "Not so fast!" and look at all the angles.
Congratulations on your excellent entry.
John II| 10.21.12 @ 3:50PM
I'm not saying anything until TLP gets back.
Where'd I leave my ballerina shoes?
mike 3/505| 10.21.12 @ 4:09PM
Makes me think of Tiny Tim....Tiptoe through the tulips! I wonder if they are kinfolk?
BL in AK| 10.21.12 @ 4:27PM
Albert-
Yes, Animal's reference of Sefton's being always a scheamer from the movie.. to get the wire cutters.
I wonder how Tim is going to react when he finds out I'm not an Eskimo and owe my prose from a professor who was abducted by Hezbollah in Jan 1987 and held until April 1990.
BL
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 4:57PM
If I know Tim?
He probably won't even read this Post.
John II| 10.21.12 @ 5:09PM
Well, I found the shoes. But now I can't find my tutu.
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 6:11PM
Relax.
I'm sure it's where you keep your other Dresses.
John II| 10.21.12 @ 5:20PM
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
"My friends . . . ."
"MY FRIENDS !. . . ."
[APPLAUSE DIES DOWN . . .]
"Uh . . . Thank you. I your Wizard am about to embark on a flight into the OUTER STRATOSPHERE--"
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERS]
"--where I will confer, converse, and otherwise hobnob with my BROTHER WIZARDS!"
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
"In my absence, I leave the Lion, who, by virtue of his GREAT COURAGE and magnificent POETIC SKILLS, will guard, preserve, an otherwise protect you from the machinations of the Obamanation and, uh, its assorted malevolent accoutrements."
[CHEERS, APPLAUSE]
LION: "Shucks, folks, . . . . I'm speechless."
TLP| 10.21.12 @ 5:55PM
I don't get it.
John II| 10.21.12 @ 7:08PM
Oh. Well, it seems pretty straightforward.
You and Al are the Wizard, I'm the Cowardly Lion. I'm acknowledging the honor bestowed on me. And, since your own "Wizard of Oz" sample entry (as many have testified) is superior to anything any of the rest of us could come up with, it's appropriate that my acknowledgement be cast in the form of . . .
Wait a minute. Whaddaya mean "I don't get it"?
You're not one of my dumb-ass students, are you?
Albert Constantine Jr.| 10.21.12 @ 8:12PM
Could this be the founding of a new On-Line University?
John II| 10.21.12 @ 10:51PM
If it is, I get to be one of the university deans. They don't have to do any work.
Pecos Pete| 10.21.12 @ 9:08PM
I'll send you my Smilin' Joe's comb for not gettin' it.