The American Spectator

“Please don’t make light of what I’m saying. If there are differences between us and the Chinese, we should sit down discuss them. Maybe there is some misunderstanding.”

“I don’t think there’s any misunderstanding about that $64 trillion we owe them,” said Ananta Singh, Secretary of the Treasury. As a Sikh, no one was sure exactly where he stood on China.

“Other countries have been in debt before and have found ways of settling it,” said the Secretary of Gender.

“Yeah, they usually settle them by going bankrupt,” said Secretary of State Winston Adams, a fifth generation Ivy Leaguer known for his knowledge of history.

“I want to speak up in defense of the Secretary here,” interrupted Vice President Harriet Mews, a rousing orator who was fanatically loyal to her Commander in Chief. “I think we have to avoid jumping immediately to the male point of view. You push me, I push you. Says who? Year, what? Before you know it, we’re in a brawl. That’s not what we want to happen here. I think we have to look for ways to avoid confrontation.”

“Aren’t we already in a confrontation?” said Wadsworth, who was beginning to find his footing.

“Not necessary,” said the Vice President. “We have to talk to them, find out what they want.”

“We already know what they want,” said General Forebender, getting back in the fray. “They want Hawaii in lieu of the debt, they want two seats on the Federal Reserve, they want a hundred thousand Chinese women back. There’s nothing unclear about that.”

All eyes turned for a moment to Ann Wang, the Secretary of Education. She was known to be a Chinese orphan raised by a prominent San Francisco family. Wang stared at her i-World but said nothing.

“Well, this is just another instance of discrimination against women,” said the Secretary of Gender finally. “We know China’s one-child policy, often coupled with infanticide, has created a huge imbalance in the Chinese population. The ratio of men to women is about 125 to 100, which is worse than it was in Saudi Arabia before they gave up polygamy. What this means is that one in five Chinese men has virtually no chance of marrying. This has pushed Chinese men to marrying girls at or below the age of puberty, which we regard as one of the greatest atrocities against women in the modern era.”

“What you’re saying is that maybe we need a few men in this country to stand up for these women?” said Wadsworth.

“No, I didn’t mean that at all. This is a simple case of sexual discrimination.”

“Mr. President,” interrupted Secretary of State Adams. “It is our understanding that some of these unattached Chinese men have banded together in an Islamic cult called the Golden Horde where they claim to be descendants of Genghis Kahn and other warriors of the Mongol Era. The group is very strong in the western cities, inciting violence and committing acts of terror. We believe the Golden Horde may be behind this action by the central government.”

Everyone took this in.

“Mizza President, you’re scheduled to go on the air in fifteen minutes,” said another aide, popping his head in the door.