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Campaign Crawlers
Tampa Exposes Itself
Strip club correspondent Lloyd Grove — the tiny beast that roared.
TAMPA — One of the arguments local boosters used for wanting to turn Tampa inside out and upside down to host the Republican National Convention next week is all the great media “exposure” Tampa will get out of the event. The reasoning goes that TV viewers and visitors will see how comprehensively swell Tampa is and re-locate their businesses here.
Well, I guess it’s clear enough that no corporate research department is aware yet that Florida has no personal income tax, that the cost of living here is lower than in California or New York, or that it doesn’t snow here in the winter (except for one January day in 1977). But you have to wonder about that media exposure, which has begun already.
The Daily Beast, an excitable left newsletter, started the exposure parade Monday with an attack piece under the headline: “Tampa: Seedy Host of Republican Coming-Out Party.” The subhead was equally as charming “A mobbed-up past, a surplus of strippers: Tampa’s got it all.”
Well, isn’t that special? I could hear them hyperventilating at the Chamber from my home office. Sure enough, mobster Santo Trafficante, Jr. spent time in Tampa, as well as in Miami and Havana (before El Jefe Maximo took that island over). But he died in 1987. Tampa indeed has a couple of long-established strip joints on Dale Mabry Highway, well away from the convention site. But the city is hardly the “strip club capital of the United States,” as the DB writer, one Lloyd Grove, claims. (On what authority he never says — personal research?)
Grove sums up: “It’s [Tampa] a counterintuitive locale for the buttoned-down Mormon and his wholesome Midwestern running mate to introduce themselves officially to the country — a steamy swamp of a city with a rich history of sinners succumbing to so many temptations.”
My, oh my! Can I hear an, “Amen”?! What Grove, who seems to have researched his summing up of Tampa between his mid-morning arrival at TIA and happy hour, isn’t aware of is that the biggest demographic in Tampa and Hillsborough County today is re-located Midwesterners. I’ve described Tampa culturally as Peoria with palm trees. In addition to those strip joints, we have schools, churches, and scout troops. Paul Ryan will feel right at home here.
Grove is certainly right that Tampa is sweltering this time of year. Heat indexes in August (not to mention much of June, July, and September) are routinely in triple digits. It’s NOT a dry heat. Chamber types who prattle on about Tampa’s wonderful weather usually forget to add that they’re talking about October through April. Summer in Central Florida is not for sissies.
In attempting to account for Grove’s groin-shot, the only reasonable explanations I could come up with are that his ex-wives and their lawyers live in Tampa, or that on arrival here he spent too much time outside in the heat. If it’s the latter, and he plans to be here through the 30th, he’d better pace himself.
Coverage of Tampa during the convention will not all be like this. But some will. We’re entitled to wonder if local boosters will ever learn that media types will not just print their PR releases. Save for the sweltering summer heat, Tampa is a good place to live and do business. But this won’t stop some jaded and over-heated scribblers from describing the place as a cross between Dog Patch and Gomorrah.
About the Author
Larry Thornberry is a writer in Tampa.
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Appleby| 8.21.12 @ 7:09AM
Atlanta found out the hard way both when they hosted the Democrat convention and when they took on the Olympics. The press comes to town looking for things to jeer at.
Moe Blotz| 8.21.12 @ 8:00AM
Who gives a rodentia posterior about "triple digit heat indexes"? Floridians have air conditioning, what?
PCC| 8.21.12 @ 8:19AM
"A cross between Dog Patch and Gomorrah." You mean it isn't? Damn.
JimH| 8.21.12 @ 8:28AM
Maybe not so near the convention, but quite a few near the airport. I remember when I first came to Tampa (over 10 years ago), remarking on the high number of both strip clubs and churches in the same city/county. I wonder if Mons Venus has imported any extra talent for the convention.
Lawrence of Lutz| 8.21.12 @ 8:28AM
I can't wait to see how many people use the little green pedal cabs.....wearing their suits with ties.Reminder: drink plenty of water. You will not need an umbrella....you'll be soaked to the skin the minute you step out the door. Only "crackers" and alligators enjoy August.
Stormzeye| 8.21.12 @ 9:05AM
I love Florida in the summer. It's peaceful, restaurants you can't get into "in season" are happy to see you and just about every great golf course is available for play. Just like winter up north, there's a lot of indoor time from noon to six...no problem. No, you don't have to be 'gator or cracker, just a lover of the tropics.
grant1863| 8.21.12 @ 10:02AM
Larry, you forgot the row of strip clubs on highway 60, the ones raided last week by the sheriff's office. We were discussing this week whether and politico would be so stupid as to show up at one of these as there will be photographers all over the place.
Myself will be stationed at Tampa Humidor on Busch Blvd enjoying one of Tampa's other well know items, hand rolled cigars, in the a/c of course. And most of the regulars are midwestern transplants.
Albert Constantine Jr.| 8.21.12 @ 10:42AM
I imagine it is easier to convince people that the greater Tampa area is not as sinful since the Rays took the Devil out of their name.
JimH| 8.21.12 @ 10:46AM
However, they did do quite a job on the Angels.
canuckistani| 8.21.12 @ 11:08AM
Tampa is a swamp. The downtown is deserted after 6pm. Zero civic pride and the county cocooners drive the agenda with no funding for improvements. Traffic is probably top 5 worst in the nation now.
It is a perfect testament to GOP illusions that bid'ness will enhance the quality of life for Americans.
The funniest scene will be the parade of buses stuck in traffic from the Villages to the arena each morning and night - and the long dinner lines starting at three pm.
Occam's Tool| 8.21.12 @ 12:07PM
Stormzeye: we get out in the sun in Minnesota during our short winter days. But check out the temp in Northern Minnesota right now.
Stormzeye| 8.21.12 @ 4:33PM
I know Minnesota is a lovely place in the summer but how about the size of them 'skeeters.
On the other hand, I'd rather have your 'skeeters than transplanted New Yawkers like Debbie Washerwoman-Schultz.
Occam's Tool| 8.21.12 @ 12:09PM
The weather outside my office is 64 degrees and sunny. The lake sparkles.
Enjoy your sweat, guys. Minus 30 winters keep the Riff raff out, and one can always dress warmer. Me, I wear a short sleeve shirt under the parka. Usually with the parka unzipped. I am, literally, Dr. Freeze.
Pelleas| 8.21.12 @ 6:01PM
" The Daily Beast, an excitable Left-Wing newsletter..."
..ROTFLMAO..!!
I had to stop reading this nonsense after that line!
From The Daily Beast's website...
"The Daily Beast contributors include: Christopher Buckley, Scott Turow, Mark McKinnon, Douglas Rushkoff, Matthew Yglesias, Meghan McCain, Reihan Salam, Tony Blair, Condoleezza Rice, Gerald Posner, Simon Schama, Eric Alterman, Reza Aslan, Fatima Bhutto, Kirsten Powers, Howard Kurtz, Judith Miller, Andrew Sullivan, Michael Tomasky, David Frum"
..it seems that there are as many RIGHT -WING "excitable" types , on their payroll, as from those on the "left", no??
Another predictable and parochial right -wing mis-take, from the narrow right-wing, me thinks....!
TrueBlue | 8.21.12 @ 7:01PM
Compared to the Liberal bastion that is Portland, Tampa doesn't even come close when it comes to strip clubs and other forms of not-so-moral behavior. Maybe Mr. Grove should look to the homes of his own favorite group of people first, hmmm?
C. Vernon Crisler | 8.21.12 @ 7:05PM
Every city has a seamier or steamier side. There's usually dozens of strips clubs scattered throughout a town (no zoning laws apparently). I can confirm this because I've gone into -- I mean I've counted them. Within those clubs, the girls showed their boobs and bottoms to me -- I mean I was told that's what they do by someone who had gone into the joints to reconnoiter for me.
All in all, I think it's very important that people stay away from these establishments. I lost -- I mean people have lost a lot of money in those places. Plus one must uphold the highest standards of morals in an age of increasing hypocrisy.
What we need to do is classify stripping as something like second-hand smoke -- maybe second-hand sex -- and then Bloomberg will come to your town and shut all the strip joints down because of the moral hazard caused by second-hand sex.
But then were will all the journalists go for their entertainment? Better for the sake of the republic if all the journalists got drunk and wasted all their money on strippers, and spent less time writing their political screeds disguised as objective journalism.
C. Vernon Crisler | 8.21.12 @ 7:05PM
Every city has a seamier or steamier side. There's usually dozens of strips clubs scattered throughout a town (no zoning laws apparently). I can confirm this because I've gone into -- I mean I've counted them. Within those clubs, the girls showed their boobs and bottoms to me -- I mean I was told that's what they do by someone who had gone into the joints to reconnoiter for me.
All in all, I think it's very important that people stay away from these establishments. I lost -- I mean people have lost a lot of money in those places. Plus one must uphold the highest standards of morals in an age of increasing hypocrisy.
What we need to do is classify stripping as something like second-hand smoke -- maybe second-hand sex -- and then Bloomberg will come to your town and shut all the strip joints down because of the moral hazard caused by second-hand sex.
But then were will all the journalists go for their entertainment? Better for the sake of the republic if all the journalists got drunk and wasted all their money on strippers, and spent less time writing their political screeds disguised as objective journalism.
C. Vernon Crisler | 8.21.12 @ 7:05PM
Every city has a seamier or steamier side. There's usually dozens of strips clubs scattered throughout a town (no zoning laws apparently). I can confirm this because I've gone into -- I mean I've counted them. Within those clubs, the girls showed their boobs and bottoms to me -- I mean I was told that's what they do by someone who had gone into the joints to reconnoiter for me.
All in all, I think it's very important that people stay away from these establishments. I lost -- I mean people have lost a lot of money in those places. Plus one must uphold the highest standards of morals in an age of increasing hypocrisy.
What we need to do is classify stripping as something like second-hand smoke -- maybe second-hand sex -- and then Bloomberg will come to your town and shut all the strip joints down because of the moral hazard caused by second-hand sex.
But then were will all the journalists go for their entertainment? Better for the sake of the republic if all the journalists got drunk and wasted all their money on strippers, and spent less time writing their political screeds disguised as objective journalism.