WASHINGTON — A week passes, and thus far the Senate Majority
Leader Harry Reid has yet to tell us whether he is or is not having
sexual relations with a cow. As was reported in this column last
week, based on sources in the field, Mr. Reid has been involved
with the cow for at least three months, possibly more. My sources
cannot be identified for obvious reasons. Even the New York
Times would not reveal their identities. The story is
that hot.
It is, of course, possible that the relationship is purely
platonic. On the other hand, possibly Mr. Reid is more involved
with the cow than might have been anticipated. It is time for him
to come clean. He owes it to the American people and conceivably to
the Department of Agriculture. Preferably he should make his
statement on the floor of the Senate, which he reserves for such
solemn occasions. For instance, his recent charge that the probable
Republican presidential candidate, Mr. Mitt Romney, has paid no
taxes for the better part of ten years was made there. His
statement about the cow is no less important. Mr. Reid, we are
waiting.
Yet let us now move on from Mr. Reid and his relationship —
platonic or otherwise — with that cow (Bos
primigenius), and let us come to the heart of the matter.
What does President Barack Obama have to say for himself and his
party? In this election year, does not the President as leader of
his Democratic Party have an obligation to the American people to
look into such serious charges? There are, of course, moral
questions here and possibly questions regarding animal rights.
Perhaps the Democrats are expanding the moral parameters in this
affair. Well, it is not like them to refrain from boasting about
it.
Naturally, there are also political questions. Will the
Democratic Party extend the franchise to cows? This could become a
whole new constituency for the Democrats. They could extend the
franchise to the entire world of barnyard animals. Think of the
consequences! They could sew up a massive majority for years to
come, especially in rural areas. Talk about diversity, though there
will have to be adjustments made in voting machines.
However, let us to return to Mr. Reid. My charge has gained
credibility throughout the nation. Just the other day in Denver,
Mr. Ross Kaminsky on 630 KHOW, the top-rated show in Colorado,
commented favorably on my column, and its gravamen is gaining
credence throughout the western United States. Soon its charges
will be spreading to Mr. Reid’s home state of Nevada. Is Mr. Reid
simply going to ignore the matter? The Democrats are going to have
to answer these charges eventually. After all, we are talking about
the Senate Majority Leader!
As for Mr. Obama and the Obama presidential campaign, what do
they have to hide? Already their credibility is in tatters owing to
their shoddy charges against Mr. Romney. First there was the charge
regarding his taxes. Then there was the charge that his decisions
at Bain Capital killed the wife of a man felicitously named Mr. Joe
Soptic. His charge was leveled against Mr. Romney despite the fact
that he left Bain Capital two years before Mr. Soptic lost his job
and his health insurance. At any rate, it really does not matter
whether Mr. Soptic had health insurance because Mrs. Soptic was
covered by her own insurance policy. Mr. Soptic told CNN she worked
until 2002 or 2003 when she quit because of an injury. However,
there is good news. She did not die until 2006. Still the Democrats
lay her death to Mr. Romney. That is what we call Sophistry!
Now comes Mr. Romney’s choice of a running mate, Congressman
Paul Ryan. There are literally hundreds of lies that can be told
about him, possibly thousands. But there is a problem with Mr.
Ryan. He has answers. In politics he could be called the Answer
Man.
I advise the entire Democratic Party to clear this question up
now. Has Mr. Reid or has he not been canoodling with a cow? It is
important because next week I shall be divulging the relationship
of Vice President Joe Biden with a parrot, and the parrot is
astonishingly lucid, at least in comparison to Mr. Biden.
