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The Current Crisis

Harry Reid’s Cow and Joe Biden’s Parrot

By on 8.16.12 @ 6:10AM

The Senate majority leader continues to stonewall on a sensitive matter.

WASHINGTON — A week passes, and thus far the Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid has yet to tell us whether he is or is not having sexual relations with a cow. As was reported in this column last week, based on sources in the field, Mr. Reid has been involved with the cow for at least three months, possibly more. My sources cannot be identified for obvious reasons. Even the New York Times would not reveal their identities. The story is that hot.

It is, of course, possible that the relationship is purely platonic. On the other hand, possibly Mr. Reid is more involved with the cow than might have been anticipated. It is time for him to come clean. He owes it to the American people and conceivably to the Department of Agriculture. Preferably he should make his statement on the floor of the Senate, which he reserves for such solemn occasions. For instance, his recent charge that the probable Republican presidential candidate, Mr. Mitt Romney, has paid no taxes for the better part of ten years was made there. His statement about the cow is no less important. Mr. Reid, we are waiting.

Yet let us now move on from Mr. Reid and his relationship — platonic or otherwise — with that cow (Bos primigenius), and let us come to the heart of the matter. What does President Barack Obama have to say for himself and his party? In this election year, does not the President as leader of his Democratic Party have an obligation to the American people to look into such serious charges? There are, of course, moral questions here and possibly questions regarding animal rights. Perhaps the Democrats are expanding the moral parameters in this affair. Well, it is not like them to refrain from boasting about it.

Naturally, there are also political questions. Will the Democratic Party extend the franchise to cows? This could become a whole new constituency for the Democrats. They could extend the franchise to the entire world of barnyard animals. Think of the consequences! They could sew up a massive majority for years to come, especially in rural areas. Talk about diversity, though there will have to be adjustments made in voting machines.

However, let us to return to Mr. Reid. My charge has gained credibility throughout the nation. Just the other day in Denver, Mr. Ross Kaminsky on 630 KHOW, the top-rated show in Colorado, commented favorably on my column, and its gravamen is gaining credence throughout the western United States. Soon its charges will be spreading to Mr. Reid’s home state of Nevada. Is Mr. Reid simply going to ignore the matter? The Democrats are going to have to answer these charges eventually. After all, we are talking about the Senate Majority Leader!

As for Mr. Obama and the Obama presidential campaign, what do they have to hide? Already their credibility is in tatters owing to their shoddy charges against Mr. Romney. First there was the charge regarding his taxes. Then there was the charge that his decisions at Bain Capital killed the wife of a man felicitously named Mr. Joe Soptic. His charge was leveled against Mr. Romney despite the fact that he left Bain Capital two years before Mr. Soptic lost his job and his health insurance. At any rate, it really does not matter whether Mr. Soptic had health insurance because Mrs. Soptic was covered by her own insurance policy. Mr. Soptic told CNN she worked until 2002 or 2003 when she quit because of an injury. However, there is good news. She did not die until 2006. Still the Democrats lay her death to Mr. Romney. That is what we call Sophistry!

Now comes Mr. Romney’s choice of a running mate, Congressman Paul Ryan. There are literally hundreds of lies that can be told about him, possibly thousands. But there is a problem with Mr. Ryan. He has answers. In politics he could be called the Answer Man.

I advise the entire Democratic Party to clear this question up now. Has Mr. Reid or has he not been canoodling with a cow? It is important because next week I shall be divulging the relationship of Vice President Joe Biden with a parrot, and the parrot is astonishingly lucid, at least in comparison to Mr. Biden.

About the Author

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief of The American Spectator. He is the author of The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: the Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn’t Work: Social Democracy’s Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives’ Road to Recovery.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (66) |

Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 8.16.12 @ 6:22AM

I'm surprised Joe Biden isn't telling blacks that Republicans will be finding them jobs as shoe shine boyes or watermelon pickers. That's what this election is devolving into at this point.

Alan| 8.16.12 @ 7:48AM

And the NAALCP remains silent. If a republican made that statement if would be open season and the state media would be right behind them with 24 hour coverage. The blatant hypocracy is breathtaking, but then hypocracy is just one tool in the tool box for these worms and blacks just march along lock step whoring their self dignity for the sake of their massahs.

Alan| 8.16.12 @ 8:11AM

Interesting story about a bakery owner in VA who had Biden's advance team in his business to set up a photo op visit and he said no. He said later on the Secret Service guys came into his store and told him thanks for standing up and saying nyet to the Biden and bought a bunch of baked goods.

Mike G| 8.16.12 @ 10:24AM

Oh, man! You should never have posted something like that. The Secret Service guys are going to get the rears chewed by Biden.

PsychoDad| 8.16.12 @ 11:47AM

It's already out there anyway, I saw it last night, and Biden isn't smart enough to understand it anyway.

Bob From District 9| 8.16.12 @ 3:21PM

"I'm surprised Joe Biden isn't telling blacks that Republicans will be finding them jobs as shoe shine boyes or watermelon pickers."

That's your line.

CJW| 8.16.12 @ 4:43PM

Just wait, Biden will plagiarize the line.

spike59| 8.17.12 @ 3:57PM

"it's getting so you can't walk into a rally in Danville VA without a slight fake Black Southern accent"

Rhoetus| 8.16.12 @ 3:36PM

A job is a job.

spike59| 8.17.12 @ 3:58PM

said Ms Lewinsky

Alej| 8.17.12 @ 8:23PM

WAY TO GO, spike59 !

Laine| 8.16.12 @ 4:30PM

Hard to do those jobs in chains which is what he said Republicans want to put on blacks. It's always projection with Democrats who have chained blacks to low expectations, terrible schools and handouts. As throughout American history, Republicans are the ones who want blacks to break free and expect them to rise just like anyone else who reject Dem ideas and their mind shackles: "You can't do anything without us".

Mimi | 8.16.12 @ 4:45PM

In Truth Romney's Party got "Ya'll " Outta chains.
everyone know that when it comes to chains of long ago the Democrats were no where to be found....Not even in the 1960's....when there were still KKK ex members serving in congress.
Todays black Americans are getting smarter and after some severe neglect during this "resession?"
It's been DEPRESSION time for them...there is some serious re-thinking going on in the Black Community....The Dem's attitude on Social Issues Abortion and Gay Marraige is not on the same page with Black Christians....you are seeing GREAT courage here with the Pastors.

oldeham| 8.16.12 @ 7:00AM

Vice President Biden and Senator Reed are operating under the new EO (Executive Order) that President Obama signed shortly after the beginning of the year. This is a continuation of the POTUS effort to demonstrate that the Executive Branch does not need a budget (thanks to Senator Reed and that Congress does not have to pass laws for POTUS to rule - opps - I mean govern.
But - I digress - back to the point - this just published Executive Order (GOTCHA #1) states, in part, that to accuse a person, is to convict them.
Until now this EO has been classified in the name of National Security.
This rule (mob rule by DHS and TSA- with assistance from OWS) will not require the public removal of the cranium, as in France, but public humiliation by the obliging Press – ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN etc.
So clean, so efficient - no messy trials etc.

benny havens| 8.16.12 @ 7:04AM

The bigger question, Mr. Tyrrell, is he practicing save sex with the cow? We all know that in his government healthcare package he is afforded free condoms.

Mike G| 8.16.12 @ 10:28AM

At least we don't have to worry about more Reids coming from this affair. The cow is entitled to free birth control.

crabman2| 8.16.12 @ 11:15AM

Is "Mad Cow " desease tranferrable to humans ? That could be "Dirty" Harrys' problem , not alzhiemers as I previously thought .

Stkman| 8.16.12 @ 1:15PM

No, but humans can give it cows. How do you think the whole mad cow thing started? It started when an ass(democrat) had unprotected sex with a cow.

Occam's Tool| 8.17.12 @ 5:19PM

Mad Cow disease is Cruetzfeld Jakob variant in humans, or Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy in cows. Yes, it is transmissable.

Alan| 8.16.12 @ 7:57AM

Biden? A real life walking talking mental midget display of a buffoon who proves it everytime by opening his mouth. Then again, being a plagiarist, finding and using words WOULD be challenge wouldn't it?

Stephie| 8.16.12 @ 10:48AM

Looks as if Biden is being called on the oval office carpet, if obama even goes in there, and Hillary is scheduled to be in there 30 mins after.
Could it be the ole switcheroo for VP? Why did McCain and Palin open their mouths about this!!!!

Laine| 8.16.12 @ 4:37PM

Neither is the sharpest knife in the drawer. But McCain especially seems to have learned nothing from long experience with the Dems and helps them over half the time like the RINO he is. His idea of campaigning for the presidency was to tell people Obama would make a good president...Palin should never have backed his return to the Senate. Arizonans should have pulled the plug on the sad old confused veteran.

Laine| 8.16.12 @ 4:39PM

I should specify that compared to Obama and Biden, McCain and Palin are sharp as Ginzu knives but did not have the media on their side.

Maxwell| 8.16.12 @ 8:15AM

I hope that cow is not Debbie What's Her Name Schultz dressed up in her Halloween costume. Just that visual this time in the morning is enough to make me hurl breakfast.

Louis Jenkins| 8.16.12 @ 8:20AM

Cows should be upset at this accusation. A goat would be best for senator Reid, afterall, he kind of favors them.

Alej| 8.16.12 @ 9:37AM

True... he doesn't have to walk so far around to kiss 'em.

Von Mises Jr| 8.16.12 @ 8:21AM

More importantly, can Dingy Harry marry his cow? Or must they just live together in sin? Or is the cow already wed to another cow?
But the real scandal is that Dingy Harry beats his wife: http://principallypolitical.wo.....-his-wife/
I think we should have a Senate Investigation when the Republicans take back the Senate in January whether Harry Reid also beats his cow.

Alej| 8.16.12 @ 9:40AM

". . . whether Harry Reid also beats his cow."

I never heard that expression before!"

CJW| 8.16.12 @ 1:50PM

Von
Where is the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals to protect the poor cow from Reid?
Aside from the poor cow, Reid purchased land then used his influence to re-zone the land and/or knew about the rezoning, then sold at a big profit.

Von Mises Jr| 8.16.12 @ 3:17PM

Where are his tax returns?
It was a bridge in one case that increases the land value right after he bought it. Another was a deal where he no longer owned the land but the mob paid him a vig anyhow.

ebonystone| 8.18.12 @ 11:08PM

Probably sold the cow to a meat-packer, too, once he'd had his way with her.

TSD| 8.16.12 @ 8:21AM

Thanks for the humor and the truth. Everyday I hear this crap and I think... is this all they can do, or come up with? Then I think.... who could believe this, are they insane? Then I look at Obama/Biden and after over 3 years of complete failure on all fronts they still have a group of useful idiots who believe the lies.

Alan| 8.16.12 @ 8:28AM

"Then I look at Obama/Biden and after over 3 years of complete failure on all fronts they still have a group of useful idiots who believe the lies"

Thank our educational and welfare systems for keeping the shelves stocked with useful idiots.

c. j. acworth| 8.16.12 @ 8:23AM

Someone should run this past the ASPCA. If true it certianly qualifies as cruelty to animals.

No Lawyers| 8.16.12 @ 2:57PM

"If True"? Surely you jest. It must be true. It came from a reliable anonymous source.

Anthony| 8.16.12 @ 8:58AM

Howie Carr, the Boston syndicated talk show host, has a segment on his show called the "death pool".
It consists of having callers guess which famous person will not be coming down for morning breakfast.
It's a hoot to listen to. My patriot pick is Harry Reid; for the sake of America this reprehensible reptile has to shed his mortal coil.

Kwan| 8.16.12 @ 10:24AM

PETA was going to bring animal cruelty charges against Reid, but had to drop them when it turned out the cow was actually an inflatable cow sex-doll with oversized udders.

spike59| 8.17.12 @ 4:00PM

that's no way to talk abput the director of DHS

MelvinNC| 8.16.12 @ 10:43AM

Undisclosed sources within the Dept of Agriculture have confirmed that sexual relations between species by pressure from the White House is perfectly acceptable in the 20th Century. I mean 21st Century as long as we don't chain them up. No, no we're not meaning that cows need to be put back in chains, because....like aren't they already????? No, I'm not talking about humans, I'm talking about cows....No not fat female humans, but cows, bovines. Ones that go mooo. Please I'm not comparing Nancy Pelosi to a cow.....Whattta ya mean the White House wants me to call...right now.

PsychoDad| 8.16.12 @ 11:48AM

Exactly! What problem do any of have with a man pursuing a mature, adult relationship with a cow? Are you a bunch of HATERS?????

crabman2| 8.16.12 @ 12:05PM

Melvin , you are a very funny guy . LOL

junkyard infidel| 8.16.12 @ 11:15AM

hmmmm....perhaps we now know the origin of "mad cow" disease !

The Bruce| 8.16.12 @ 12:06PM

My primary concern here is the dignity of the cow. Did the Senate Majority Leader kindly give the animal a reach-around?

Skippy| 8.17.12 @ 5:47PM

"After all, we are talking about the House Majority Leader!"

Hey Mr. T.:
The Bruce and I caught your error.
Not like it means anything.
He's still worthless no matter where he sits.
Thanks again for the fabulous book!
I will treasure it.

Albert Constantine Jr.| 8.16.12 @ 1:09PM

Brian Cutteridge aka Jack London has yet to weigh in on this?

CJW| 8.16.12 @ 1:53PM

He is in conference with purp, vtwin, DebbieWassermanSchulz ,Nancy Pelosi, and Joey Biden. All the big IQs of the obama administration.

Frekki| 8.16.12 @ 1:19PM

Stop this stupid sh-t, we all get it. You don't have to beat us over the head with it. We are not Democrats, we hold ourselves to a higher standard.

Laine| 8.16.12 @ 4:45PM

We most certainly DO have to beat Dems over the head with their own stupidity and dirty tactics. It's the only way they'll learn, if every sashay into sleaze is slammed back at them so hard it knocks the wind out of them and makes them a laughing stock. This business of "we hold ourselves to a higher standard" is what has allowed Dems to lie and cheat their way into the White House and all the corridors of power. We would never have to sink to their level because unlike them we never need to LIE. Facts are a conservative's friends.

Occam's Tool| 8.17.12 @ 5:29PM

My Dear Frekki:

Life is a short, all too painful thing. Laughing at Liberals, who are the source of much of our pain, is a mature psychological defense.

Recall that Juvenal, from whom the phrase "Juvenile" derives (I believe, at least in terms of referring to immaturity of insults) also coined the term : "Who will Watch the Watchmen?"

So Mr. Tyrell is in very good company here.

marcos| 8.16.12 @ 1:22PM

Look, First Harry Reid is head of the Senate not the House. Second, your sources failed to tell you that this 'cow' is really a steer but you wouldn't know because you don't believe in gay marriage and Third, the steer actually walked across the border (looking for grass of one sort of another) near Nogales, AZ, and Homeland Security actually penned 'it' in to protect it from being eaten by Beef-fil-A and save it from further amorous advances from Reid.

Ford Prefect| 8.16.12 @ 4:15PM

I too noticed the major error of involving Boehner in this affair. This has nothing to do with the leader of the House. Oops!

marcos| 8.16.12 @ 1:22PM

Look, First Harry Reid is head of the Senate not the House. Second, your sources failed to tell you that this 'cow' is really a steer but you wouldn't know because you don't believe in gay marriage and Third, the steer actually walked across the border (looking for grass of one sort of another) near Nogales, AZ, and Homeland Security actually penned 'it' in to protect it from being eaten by Beef-fil-A and save it from further amorous advances from Reid.

marcos| 8.16.12 @ 1:22PM

Look, First Harry Reid is head of the Senate not the House. Second, your sources failed to tell you that this 'cow' is really a steer but you wouldn't know because you don't believe in gay marriage and Third, the steer actually walked across the border (looking for grass of one sort of another) near Nogales, AZ, and Homeland Security actually penned 'it' in to protect it from being eaten by Beef-fil-A and save it from further amorous advances from Reid.

marcos| 8.16.12 @ 1:23PM

I didn't enter this comment 3 times either.

No Lawyers| 8.16.12 @ 2:39PM

I really needed this. Now to find out if my informed anonymous source was right about Obama getting an implant that feeds him (supplied by the best brains that money can buy) the best politically correct answers to questions, .

William G. Haynes| 8.16.12 @ 3:58PM

It just came to me. The best way to prove Reid is a cow fornicator or liar is for Mitt to release his tax returns. I can't imagine why no one thought of this before. I am so puzzled. Will the editor please enlighten me? Perhaps the answer is too simple.

Rhoetus| 8.16.12 @ 4:16PM

We still don't know who shot Vince Foster.

Anthony| 8.16.12 @ 4:39PM

I rather liked Harry when he had the two black eyes.
It gave me hope.

Skippy| 8.17.12 @ 5:49PM

Harry likes it rough.

Who Knows?| 8.16.12 @ 4:51PM

Very funny.

Marco2| 8.16.12 @ 5:29PM

Obama must keep a lid on all of this Democrat beastiality lest credence be given to the rumor that he screws the pooch before he eats it.

spike59| 8.17.12 @ 4:05PM

hey, what goes on in the 'First Bedroom' between POTUS and FLOTUS is none of our busi....OHMIGOD, I JUST CAUGHT A REBOUND MENTAL IMAGE...MY EYES!!!!!!!

Vernon Speer| 8.17.12 @ 3:42AM

Reid is Majority Leader of the "Senate", not "House"...I suspect you know, and just got ahead of yourself.

Occam's Tool| 8.17.12 @ 5:17PM

Your sources "in the field," Bob? Which field? My father in law has 600 head in Alabama, and I want to make sure that they are safe.

Art| 8.22.12 @ 9:03AM

Funny piece.

It uses the liberal progressive's own Saul Alinsky-style BS against them.

fauowl66| 5.19.13 @ 8:50PM

I am not sure it is a good idea to get Dirty Harry near that bovine. He may try to milk it and it would probably turn out to be a bull.

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