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Ben Stein's Diary
Up On the Roof
When this old world is getting you down — but how can it be?
Wednesday
Hot, hot, hot here in
Sandpoint. It was hot as soon as I awakened and got out on my deck
to look at the lake. Too hot to get up. I went to the guest room, a
very small room with just one double bed and a few sticks of
furniture. But it looks up at the Selkirks and also is right next
to Mister Buffett’s trains. On almost any day, you can look out of
the window from the bed and see fleecy clouds. The sky is a pure
blue. No smog at all.
The clouds remind me of the clouds that Ferris Bueller was looking at on the day when he decided to take the day off. They are powerfully relaxing.
I lay there for a while contemplating my fears —usually about money, especially about running out of money before Alex and I die. These fears have become especially powerful as I have grown older. My shrink says they are a metaphor for fears of death. Maybe so, but they are deeply frightening anyway. Suicide. Then I think, “Suicide because you have too many homes? Are you crazy?” Do not answer, dear diary. You know me too well.
I got up, made breakfast for Alex and me — the usual, scrambled eggs, English muffins, OJ, Tazo Refresh herbal tea, one of the many great gifts from my sister (she also told me about Hill’s Resort in Priest Lake many years ago).
I got dressed and went out for a ride on my mighty Cannondale bike all around the town. I especially love riding around City Beach. At this time of year, it’s packed with visitors, especially high schoolers from the area and some parents and some very young kids.
A stunningly beautiful little girl came walking past me holding an ice cream confection that looked as if it had about ten different kinds of ice cream, all different, cheery colors.
I went to the ice cream/refreshment stand to see what the ice cream could be. At just that moment, the girl with the ice cream appeared, possibly to get a refill.
Truth to tell, I don’t recall exactly what she looked like but I do remember that the ice cream had some blue in it like the blue in her eyes. I wished I had my camera with me. Her perfect little face next to that ice cream would have been good.
“What’s in that?” I asked the woman behind the counter, who gamely tried to reconstruct it.
“How old are you?” I asked the little girl.
“This is so cool,” she said breathlessly. “I’m talking to Ben Stein and he’s a celebrity. I’m almost twelve.” I think she said that. I really wasn’t paying attention. She might have said she was almost sixteen. I just don’t remember.
I asked her what her name was. “Jackie,” she said. “Jackie Sweet.” She was simply adorable. I wish I could live long enough to make a movie about what happens to someone that beautiful in North Idaho post 2012. I hope lots of good things.
Back home to pay bills (an excruciating process), and take a long nap. Then out on the boat with Tim Farmin and Alex to have some spectacularly good Bottle Bay Burgers. A Bottle Bay Burger, which you can ONLY get at Bottle Bay, about a ten-minute boat ride from our marina at The Seasons, is a hamburger with cheddar cheese and chutney. It is heavenly.
We looked out at two frisky English Springer Spaniels that kept jumping into the water and eventually got on a paddle board with a boy and balanced themselves perfectly. This is a peaceful scene and I wish it stayed warm all year in North Idaho so we could go to it all year, but it does not stay at all warm after summer and Bottle Bay Resort is closed anyway.
(In North Idaho, a resort is not like The Greenbrier. It can be a very small café and a few rooms to rent.)
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
John786| 8.1.12 @ 6:33AM
Is this how the 1% live.
Jack in Wi| 8.1.12 @ 7:34AM
If I were Ben I would be worried about ending up broke too. With all the houses he has and all the expensive habits and traveling he does he must use up a lot of money. I just did a month traveling in Europe and frankly I can't stand being away from home anymore. It's too expenisve to do a lot of stuff anymore. Most of us who live even slightly high on the hog should downsize and live a simpler life.
Occam's Tool| 8.1.12 @ 11:36PM
I spent some time in Door County, Wi. this month. I prefer my home. I don't wish to travel to Europe. Thanks to people like Jack, it is more and more dangerous to be Jewish in Europe.
We need q better tax structure and a President who is pro business. Downsizing is not a good approach for a nation---growth is.
Occam's Tool| 8.1.12 @ 11:37PM
Sorry---"a better"
Trish Trawler| 8.1.12 @ 9:01AM
A lovely post, Ben. Your diaries are always a pleasant and inspiring read. Sometimes you bring tears to my eyes. Your goodness comes through in your writings. I know you will have many stars in your crown "when at evening the sun goeth down." I would love to give you a great big hug. May God bless you with even more material wealth. I believe from the bottom of my heart that good people are rewarded with material wealth, while mean people are punished with low-wage jobs and limited leisure time. Agree?
I read your diaries mostly to hear about Julie Good Girl.
I'm delighted to hear that Julie Good Girl gets to swim in the lake--that lucky pooch.
Get your wife to snap a picture of Julie Good Girl sleeping beside you with her head on your pillow. It just warmed my little heart that you are so close to your precious doggy.
And what are her favorite snacks? Does she like Milkbone Dog Biscuits?
I bake little treats for neighborhood dogs, and they love them. They are crazy about them! If you would just give me your address, I would send you a box of biscuits for your dogs and they would love them! Relish them! Ravish them!
And when you're eating hamburgers and tacos, do you ever share them with Julie Good Girl. I mean pinch off a piece and feed it to your pampered pooch.
Please. Please. Please. Let us see what Julie Good Girl looks like.
Show us a photo of Julie Good Girl.
I beg you. Iis this too much to ask?
doramin| 8.1.12 @ 3:52PM
No! No! No! A thousand times, no!
Do NOT get into the habit of slipping the pooch a little people-food here and there. Before you know it...Well, use your imagination.
My old beast has gotten nothing but Iams brand lamb and rice dry dog food. He absolutely hates the stuff and so, ipso facto, has stayed nice and trim all his life. He's now seventeen years old and still holding up so it must be good stuff nevertheless.
Al Adab| 8.1.12 @ 11:10AM
Inshallah John. Good morning.
I only wish the government would pursue policies which allowed more of us to join the upper ranks.
John786| 8.1.12 @ 11:24AM
Sheikh Al Adab,
I hope you are well in these momentous times. As Gore Vidal said the problem with America is you pay an extortionate amount of tax but get nothing in return. Where is the money going: endless wars, subsidising the 1%, bailing out large corporations & businesses, banks. The US has become a militarised republic where even basic legal protections are weakening. And the little guy- the 99% -get nothing. Ramadan kareem.
Al Adab| 8.1.12 @ 11:41AM
Aleikum Salaam.
doramin| 8.1.12 @ 3:47PM
And don't stuff yourself at Iftar.
Al Adab| 8.1.12 @ 4:38PM
I'm looking forward to it. Even an old "apostate" heretic like me can enjoy a feast. Eid or al Fitr
Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 8.1.12 @ 6:42AM
Two comments: If you stop seeing that shrink and re-read Herman Melville and some other great authors you can save some money.
Also, when you refer to Mister Buffett's trains that should be taxpayer subsidized Buffett trains. I normally wouldn't mention that but Mr. Buffett's claims about the tax system are to his benefit and it would be unfair not mention it. Mr. Buffett has made billions off the taxpayers and he doesn't have to worry about running out of money.
Occam's Tool| 8.1.12 @ 11:39PM
Seeing a psychiatrist is fine. Better would be the appropriate use of psychotropics, if indicated.
Appleby| 8.1.12 @ 7:05AM
A man who can have everything he wants by making a telephone call -- still worries about what would happen if he had to live like the rest of us...Ben, I recommend you have your butler order you a copy of a book called "An Old Fashioned Girl" by Louisa May Alcott. Yes, it's an old fashioned story about girls; but it speaks directly to your situation, believe it or not.
But I don't recommend that you re-read "Richard Corey." My father grew up in a family of 12 during the Great Depression and he weighed 98 lb. when he joined the Army Air Corps at the age of 24 -- but when he heard any of us getting envious of those who seemed to have everything, he'd recite "Richard Corey" to us, to remind us that we never know what those people lack that we have.
Bill8472| 8.1.12 @ 9:48AM
And what they do about it.
Hardcard| 8.1.12 @ 7:47AM
it's never too late to take a long nap.
R Martin| 8.1.12 @ 8:49AM
"I am going to downsize and just live quietly somewhere."
Quietly sounds good.
Denver Todd| 8.1.12 @ 9:31AM
Del Taco? The large chain? That is where you get your best tacos in th world? I think that if you are in the northwest you should at least try Taco Time.
Bill8472| 8.1.12 @ 9:47AM
Ending this life means the end of having those lovely moments of meeting inspiring people like the little girl with the ice cream cone.
I have never understood the Judaic understanding of life after death. There seems to be some belief in such a thing, as in the concept of Sheol (if I understand correctly), but I'm well aware that Jews tend to focus on this mortal life.
But what I'm getting at is that the end of this life may not mean the end of everything and simply rejoining the nitrogen cycle. So while my personal input is to say that it doesn't do any good to worry (talk to Dennis Prager about that), thinking about the end of life doesn't have to mean that you think about the end of everything. Obviously you have the capacity to take joy out of life despite your worries; focus on that even if you have to pretend a little. After all, Aristotle was right, you know: once you get yourself into the habit of being virtuous, you actually become virtuous, so if you practice being happy as much as possible and not worrying, after a while you will really be happier and less worried.
Bill8472| 8.1.12 @ 9:51AM
And in the end, at worst you'll rejoin the "cosmic hum."
Kooster| 8.1.12 @ 11:44AM
Cosmic hum? I do not even want to be a part of that.
When I'm dead, I want to be dead. Nothingness! That's all I want.
I certainly do not want Eternal Life, a ridiculous concept embraced by simple-minded people who think they are so special and precious that they deserve to live for eternity.
I suppose they imagine life eternal this way:
Heaven will be jammed-packed with dumb, redneck Baptists sitting around the table with the Lord, eating collards and fatback.
For eternity!
"What fools we mortals be."
Bill8472| 8.1.12 @ 11:56AM
The most foolish thing of all is stating you know what happens after our mortal life ends.
Kooster| 8.1.12 @ 12:35PM
Uh huh.
And you're the one who speculates on a "cosmic hum."
Hum . . . rhymes with dumb. (the b is silent, Mr. Bill)
And you're welcome . . .
Al Adab| 8.1.12 @ 3:06PM
There was one fellow who returned from the dead who spoke about it during his life. It might be wise to study his comments. Other than that we might agree with Plato that either we enter dreamless sleep or meet Achilles. Either way, what is to fear?
Petronius| 8.2.12 @ 12:32AM
I'm on the Membership Committee of Hell. We have a section full of Redneck Baptists sitting around tables who aren't aware of their surroundings until the ex Catholics ruin their eon by playing bingo and bunko while all they can do is watch. There's plenty of room for you too. But be warned. Make trouble and and you go in with the telemarketers.
Occam's Tool| 8.1.12 @ 11:41PM
What need is there to worry about the afterlife, if one is a true servant of the L-rd? He will provide.
squalis| 8.1.12 @ 9:51AM
Only reason I read this is the song referenced in the title. Otherwise, all I can say is:
What?!
C. Vernon Crisler | 8.1.12 @ 10:23AM
Ben, when are you going to invest in an iphone or ipod? They have built in cameras and you can take pictures of all these wonderful people you meet.
Bob K| 8.1.12 @ 11:41AM
Ben,
When you think about how hard all those students have to work, and about what a privileged life you led as a student, and how much you complained; think about your father who waited on tables in the fraternities at Williams College to help pay for his tuition and how this made your own life of leisure possible.
MK48| 8.1.12 @ 11:43AM
Ben better sell your homes before Jan of 2013 "big penalty".....but you knew that.
Don't know how many summers I have left, but I have always wanted to see sandpoint.
Nick| 8.1.12 @ 12:39PM
Meanwhile.....in other news:
Boehner & Co. sell the American people down the river, yet again.
http://dailycaller.com/2012/07.....ppointees/
http://clerk.house.gov/evs/2012/roll537.xml
Remember, back in the spring of '11, when the first budget battle was winding up? And, Boehner/Cantor/McCarthy/Ryan were lying to conservatives about cutting $100 billion in the budget deal?
Remember when Boehner & Co. were telling us to wait until Sept., '11, when they could really cut the budget?
Remember when Boehner & Co. promised that if the GOP took back control of the House, they would publish ALL BILLS 3 days before a vote?
Remember, a year ago, when Boehner & Co. sold-out to O'Bama on the debt-ceiling increase, and didn't give us 3 days to read the bill?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boehner has got to go!
Maggie| 8.1.12 @ 1:01PM
You might like downsizing Ben.We love it! Pick the place you love to be ,get rid of all excess stuff and heaven be,a new and wonderful life. It really is a rebirth.I read more books,watch more skies ,discover more mountains and valleys ,listen with more interest to everything ,take naps and love every minute of it .It does not make the knees ache less, the pain just does not feel as intense when you are so busy doing things you love.Good luck.
Libertyinfinite| 8.1.12 @ 2:05PM
I wish that some of the Jews who died in the Holocaust, or their families, had they lived could be here today. That sweet Jewish spirit is a light, love of life & a delight. The innocent died so innocently. As we do here in America today.
People may assume that the Holocaust is the greatest tragedy in modern history. Well I say America is about to eclipse it with the denial that cultural maxism has destroyed freedom, & is about to see us all in more marxist concentration.
I thank you though Ben, it is a very sweet thing, the heart of a true Jew. The lightness is only so good to see for the rest of us heavies. God loves you baby.
Kevin Bjornson| 8.1.12 @ 2:22PM
What is the purpose of this article? Why should readers be interested in these trivial musings, which have nothing to do with anything of substance? Is this a Ben Stein fan club? His rambling commentary on creationism are bad enough but at least have a tangential relationship to our shared reality. While this article is the second I've noticed that seem morbidly focused on Ben's inner psychological state.
Bill8472| 8.1.12 @ 2:50PM
Maybe this bit, about our warriors and their individualistic take on life in uniform, will give you a smile. They call themselves "Bronies."
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012.....-fan-club/
Pinkie Ann LeBrainne| 8.1.12 @ 3:46PM
For what it is worth, when my husband and I downsized---the end result was quite like our newlywed days. We were greatly unburdened, and completely focused on each other.
Stormzeye| 8.1.12 @ 4:14PM
“If you own a rug you own too much.”
― Jack Kerouac
Occam's Tool| 8.1.12 @ 11:53PM
I have limited sympathy for a lawyer who supports higher taxes (like those property ones in Cali, Ben?) and opposes Malpractice tort reform. As Liebling (Quoting Broun) put it: "The Old Masters knew something. There is still a kick in Style, and Tradition carries a Nasty wallop."
One defies RWR at one's peril.
Occam's Tool| 8.2.12 @ 12:04AM
No, John786, that is not how the 1% live. As a lower rung member ($340-350 K a year), I can tell you that we buy homes at prices below our yearly income, drive Detroit steel, shop at Walmart, take vacations in the US--- staying at Holiday Inn Expresses, eat at McD's for lunch, and save like squirrels for our retirement and our kids' educations.
Stein is a Hollyweird asshole. Check out "The Millionaire next Door" for an understanding of how real Americans in the top 1% live.
I have a mortgage of $215,000/yr and a truck payment with 20 months left on it. That's all I owe. I have a State Pension under way, that will give me $80,000/yr by age 66. I have $200,000 in savings in addition. I put away $50 K a year, $30 K of which is pretax. (Plus, my pension contribution is 50%).
That's it. I am sure I am more financially secure than Ben, who for all his assets has a nasty "nut."
DidITweetThat| 8.4.12 @ 4:26PM
As I read this article, I fondled my Mosler, wondering if I could ever get through this "diary" of inanity, then I remembered I had General Bullet hollow points loaded, and I thought, OK, having my brain blown out, or reading the rest of this article? I read a little more, and decided the bullets were a better option. I stood in my KB home, in front of the Waterford crystal vase ( I've always hated that one) and prepared the gun, while I sat on my Colton Piano and Bar Stools' PR-50, the barstool made for any high end home....