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Ben Stein's Diary
A Case of Intracoastal Blues
A magazine installment from the world’s leading Diarist.
(Page 2 of 3)
Well, I had the great pleasure of working with Chuck Colson on a project he had going about the ethical dimensions of the collapse in 2008. He was a thorough gentleman, gone far too soon. Too many going too soon.
Then, a late supper with my wife at a restaurant on the Intracoastal Waterway across from our hotel. The night was balmy and pleasant. An immense yacht was parked right in front of us. Its owner, a pleasant Texan who manufactures everything from controls for torpedoes to locomotive parts, told us all about the boat. Two 2,000 horsepower diesel engines. Unbelievable. That boat was like something out of a dream. An 88-foot Pershing. It was out of a great dream.
So…let’s take it away from him, sell it, and give the money to Solyndra! Then, let’s put him in prison for being a smart, energetic guy. Doesn’t that make sense?
I stayed up very late watching a great steamy show on Showtime called The Borgias. It stars Jeremy Irons, a talented, super-talented British actor who was brilliant as Humbert H. Humbert in the remake of Lolita some years ago, and what a painfully sad movie that was. Pedophilia is not really anything but cruel for everyone involved.
Jeremy Irons plays a Borgia Pope and he plays him for laughs. He is really funny and the whole storyline is extremely funny. I am not sure it was supposed to be funny, but it has such perfect Brentwood/Santa Monica story twists (a single mother daughter who will not breastfeed her crying baby unless her father buys her a Porsche, or something like that…maybe it was to grant her dead lover a decent burial) and Jeremy Irons plays it for such canny self-mocking humor that it works as a medieval sitcom with a good bit of nudity.
Then I watched a simply fabulous movie, also on Showtime, called Drive Angry. It is about a man who comes back from the dead, Nick Cage, to save his granddaughter from satanic worshipers. He is aided and abetted in this task by someone from Hell, played by a very funny guy named Fichtner, and by a spectacularly perfect looking woman who I thought was Denise Richards but was really Amber Heard. She is so beautiful it should be a crime.
The movie had way more sex than was necessary and way too much graphic violence. But it also was extremely funny in its own campy way. I would watch it over and over, but then there is no better actor on the scene than Nick Cage. So, anything he’s in…I’ll watch it.
Monday
I WAS AWAKENED by a scary dream about my son bothering me while I was napping and wanting to go drive to Richmond. Where did that come from?
Then various sobering thoughts about life in general. Then off to give a speech to super nice people who distribute trash can liners, paper products, hand cleaner, to institutions all over the country. Super-duper friendly, smart people. I could have spent a week with them.
Now, let me tell you something. I literally felt ultra-depressed this morning. Like I wanted to jump out of my window here on the 30th floor. I don’t know why and probably it was just indigestion. But, when I finished shaking hands with hundreds of men and women, getting my picture with them, talking to them, making them laugh, I felt totally great.
That’s what work does for you. Work is a sovereign cure for despair. I cannot recommend it highly enough. It is better than any drug. Work is a gift from God. Depression is death blows of low self-esteem. Work is self-esteem.
A nice walk along the Intracoastal, then dinner on the water, served by a sweet woman from Austria. Then lots more picture taking. One of the men I took my picture with pointed at an immense cruise ship nearby and said, “I guess to you, that’s a dinghy.”
Why do people think I’m rich? I am mystified about this. I am not at all rich except in my family and friends and my country. I am not rich and never have been rich and never will be rich. Warren Buffett is rich. Larry Ellison is rich. I am not rich. I have never said I am rich. There is nothing in my life to indicate that I am rich. Oh, well.
“It looks like a huge boat to me,” I said and smiled wanly.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (16) | Leave a comment
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MelvinNC| 7.3.12 @ 7:02AM
Ben, maybe the source of your discontent is the oatmeal. Ben, old buddy I've enjoyed the world according to Ben Stein for a while now. I can't say for sure how many years, but it does seem like a long while.
Ben, I've got to tell ya, you have to be especially watchful about the oatmeal. You have no idea how evil those people at Quaker Oats must be. Maybe this is something to put Big Sis, and Eric Holder onto. For all we know Mrs. Obama could be behind this right wing plot. Ahhhh, the world is full of nothing but deceptions, deceptions, and more deceptions.
Well enough of my struggling attempt at humor. Ben we've got the Fourth of July tomorrow. There was a day that I thoroughly enjoyed the arrival of the Fourth, but not today. I would be remiss in my sincerity if I filled you up, "Come on Ben, it's the Fourth of July a case for celebration." But not today, not this year.
I won't bore you with the reasons why, you already know the reasons, but it does hearten me that as the Communists try to turn this Country into a Marxist State, there are those who still come here for the American dream, which acts as a huge counterweight to that evil philosophy.
I will quietly mark the founding of our Great Country tomorrow, and say a prayer for those fighting on faraway shores, and for us, and for this land we call home. Happy Fourth of July Ben.
Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:05PM
This is a good piece, brings back memories:
Ben does well when he sticks to being a diarist and economist, but he hasn't a good head for politics-- perhaps he isn't devious enough (remember, a liar such as FDR is on the dime but Carter will never be).
Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:13PM
BTW, one of the great men of the South died today: Andy Griffith. I thought Gomer Pyle USMC was a good show, too; people who don't like such don't understand why Gilligan's Island was and is so popular-- they don't appreciate high-camp.
All the greats are dead now: Bob Denver, Andy Griffith, Leslie Nielsen. "Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself."
Ed White| 7.4.12 @ 1:24PM
Ben . . . Ben . . . Ben
You're now stying yourself as the "world's leading Diarist"! This is self-mockery, I hope.
Or . . . you could be, at this point in your life, this delusional. Dementia? Have you been tested?
Ed White| 7.4.12 @ 1:29PM
Fourth of July Fireworks: A puff of smoke, a BANG, a shower of sparkles. All for about $50,000 dollars (average amount cities spend on 4th of July fireworks celebrations)
Is it worth it in these austere times?
Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 9:05AM
Ben, you of all people must understand that, as far as the media is concerned, all thought about Charles Colson stopped with the sign he used to have when he worked for Nixon; you know the one I mean, "When you've got them by the ____, their hearts and minds will follow." For the media, that was the Charles Colson pigeonhole.
Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:08PM
Yes, colson was a fun fellow- it was the asshole Liddy who ruined Nixon; at any rate guys say all sorts of things in private; a churchman can curse like a sailor when he wants to.
PCC| 7.3.12 @ 9:51AM
Dear Mr. Stein,
That was a fine tribute to Mr. Colson. Thank you.
As for the definition of "rich", well, that is in the eye of the beholder.
KS| 7.3.12 @ 1:02PM
As a faithful reader of Ben Stein's articles here, I have come to understand that he has homes in Malibu, Beverly Hills (or thereabouts), Rancho Mirage, and Sandpoint. I consider people with four homes to be rich.
Zeppo| 7.3.12 @ 5:36PM
That's not the complete list.
Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 5:54PM
Rich with four homes depends on how much equity he has in those places, and how much he owes on the mortgage, balanced against how much capital he has.
Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 6:00PM
I live in Colorado Springs and I am a bankruptcy lawyer. I find it immensely enlightening to discover how many valuable assets my clients own that are mortgaged to the hilt. I always used to think they were loaded; in reality, they have very little.
It's particularly depressing for the folks who bought palaces for, say, $500,000 back in 2005, when they could get mortgages for 125% of the market value of their houses, who then did so and bought matching Lexuses on leases for themselves and the spouse, who now are looking at 7-year-old cars and houses whose value has dropped to $200,000, and who are now facing having to come into closing with money (LOTS of it) and cars that aren't anywhere near the value they're having to pay for them.
Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 1:56AM
Quite possible, which is why I make $350K a year and live in a rural area with a house with a mortgage of $218K and a taxable value of same (the appraised value is $280 K) and $15,000 left on my 4 year old pickup truck with 42K miles on it and no interest on the loan. I've also got $200 K in my retirement accounts AND a state pension that is 50% funded by me and is solidly in the black.
Ben may flit around the country but I may have more assets. Low overhead (I have NONE---I take home after taxes and pension and 403(B) put aways about $16,000 a month) and a quiet lifestyle.
Then again, Ben went to law school, not med school, because he is basically lazy.
Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 2:00AM
And that's another reason I didn't buy a Lexus---only a fool puts money into a depreciating asset. If you have a love for cars, and love to work on them as a hobby, that's different. But otherwise, a car is a tool, and is worthless EXCEPT as a tool. Keeping up with WHICH Joneses? The mortgage and the car payment are MY ONLY debt items. The House is on an equity accelerator to be paid off in about 10 years now, and the pickup will be paid off in 2.
Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 2:05AM
And Ben, Billionaires aren't the only rich people. C'mon.
Of course, I don't favor higher taxes on them, as you do. Let me give you a definition of rich, Ben---a man who can live comfortably, go on trips, and do what he wants without having to work. In 17 years or so, I will have the assets to do that, and I will be wealthy by my standards, because I live a fairly simple life.
Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 6:01PM
And for a few, the Waldo Canyon fire has taken out any equity they might have hoped for, and homeowners' insurance isn't going to cut it.