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Ben Stein's Diary

A Case of Intracoastal Blues

A magazine installment from the world’s leading Diarist.

Sunday—Fort Lauderdale

This has been a good day.

Yesterday was terrible. Alex and I awakened yesterday in the Capital Hotel in Little Rock. I had been up late because all around me young women were running, yelling, and screaming, because they were coming from a wedding rehearsal dinner in the hotel dining room. They were drunk. They were loud. I didn’t like them.

However, exhausted as we were, Alex and I got ourselves over to the Little Rock airport. It is now named the Bill and Hillary Clinton Airport. I am not kidding. Where is the Richard Nixon airport? Clinton had his points, but his accomplishments were minor compared with Nixon’s. Oh, well. This will be an endless struggle.

We flew to Dallas, where we had a three-hour wait for our connection to Fort Lauderdale. I slept, then read a pleading in a lawsuit in which I am involved as plaintiff. The defendants have described me in ways so unrealistic they are almost funny. But they are not funny. They are dismaying.

The legal process is difficult. I had probably better not say any more than that right now. Let’s just say it is expensive but offers major opportunity for interesting research and thought.

In Fort Lauderdale, we had a pleasant driver from Mongolia. Yes, Mongolia. Now he lives in Fort Lauderdale. He was a superb driver.

The hotel here in Fort Lauderdale welcomed me and treated me like a prince about a year ago. Last night, the front desk people could not have been much worse. Unhelpful. Slow. Surly. One man, a young man named Brandon, tried to help but his boss, a woman whom I will not name, was completely uninterested in any kind of help. It took an hour and a half to find halfway decent rooms. I was furious. This is no way to run a hotel. The Westin Diplomat. Really, the contempt the front desk showed us was breathtaking. Then, a 90-minute wait for toast. Amazing.

Then, a jolt. As I was watching Fox News, I saw that my old marching companion and colleague, Chuck Colson, had passed away. That is a loss.

However, today was a lot better. I spoke to a great group of men and women who distribute janitorial and food-service products. They could not have been better people. Smart, friendly, good energy. These are almost all family-owned businesses with third and fourth generation owners and executives. The backbone of the nation.

After the speech, I joined the men and women at a buffet. I sat with men and women from Tennessee, Alabama, and Mississippi. We talked about George Wallace, about the Franklin Battlefield outside Nashville, about Shiloh, about folk art. All very jolly and encouraging.

Then back to my room to read a condescending obit in the New York Times about Chuck Colson. They have such contempt that they dared to say that Colson “said” he had a spiritual conversion about the time of Watergate. Now, look, NY Times, the man spent 35 tough years to bring help to the least of the earth’s people—its prisoners. He went into hundreds, maybe thousands, of prisons, prayed with millions of prisoners. He did this for 35 years. He spent his whole life bringing Christ to people in steel cages. Does that sound like a fake conversion?

His Prison Fellowship students, pupils, members, have less than half the recidivism rate of prisoners who do not join the Prison Fellowship. Does that sound like someone who just “says” he had a spiritual conversion?

May I ask where or when any journalist of any kind has done more for his or her fellow man than Chuck Colson? Where any former political figure has ever done more for his fellow man than Colson? I agree that Jimmy Carter is in the competition, but he’s far, far behind.

I scoured the Internet and did not see one story that pointed out the fantastic success record of the Prison Fellowship. Naturally, it’s not there. Chuck would have prayed for the mocking, contemptuous humans who could not hold a candle to him.

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About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (16) |

MelvinNC| 7.3.12 @ 7:02AM

Ben, maybe the source of your discontent is the oatmeal. Ben, old buddy I've enjoyed the world according to Ben Stein for a while now. I can't say for sure how many years, but it does seem like a long while.
Ben, I've got to tell ya, you have to be especially watchful about the oatmeal. You have no idea how evil those people at Quaker Oats must be. Maybe this is something to put Big Sis, and Eric Holder onto. For all we know Mrs. Obama could be behind this right wing plot. Ahhhh, the world is full of nothing but deceptions, deceptions, and more deceptions.
Well enough of my struggling attempt at humor. Ben we've got the Fourth of July tomorrow. There was a day that I thoroughly enjoyed the arrival of the Fourth, but not today. I would be remiss in my sincerity if I filled you up, "Come on Ben, it's the Fourth of July a case for celebration." But not today, not this year.
I won't bore you with the reasons why, you already know the reasons, but it does hearten me that as the Communists try to turn this Country into a Marxist State, there are those who still come here for the American dream, which acts as a huge counterweight to that evil philosophy.
I will quietly mark the founding of our Great Country tomorrow, and say a prayer for those fighting on faraway shores, and for us, and for this land we call home. Happy Fourth of July Ben.

Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:05PM

This is a good piece, brings back memories:
Ben does well when he sticks to being a diarist and economist, but he hasn't a good head for politics-- perhaps he isn't devious enough (remember, a liar such as FDR is on the dime but Carter will never be).

Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:13PM

BTW, one of the great men of the South died today: Andy Griffith. I thought Gomer Pyle USMC was a good show, too; people who don't like such don't understand why Gilligan's Island was and is so popular-- they don't appreciate high-camp.
All the greats are dead now: Bob Denver, Andy Griffith, Leslie Nielsen. "Elvis Is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself."

Ed White| 7.4.12 @ 1:24PM

Ben . . . Ben . . . Ben

You're now stying yourself as the "world's leading Diarist"! This is self-mockery, I hope.

Or . . . you could be, at this point in your life, this delusional. Dementia? Have you been tested?

Ed White| 7.4.12 @ 1:29PM

Fourth of July Fireworks: A puff of smoke, a BANG, a shower of sparkles. All for about $50,000 dollars (average amount cities spend on 4th of July fireworks celebrations)

Is it worth it in these austere times?

Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 9:05AM

Ben, you of all people must understand that, as far as the media is concerned, all thought about Charles Colson stopped with the sign he used to have when he worked for Nixon; you know the one I mean, "When you've got them by the ____, their hearts and minds will follow." For the media, that was the Charles Colson pigeonhole.

Brookschwarzenegro | 7.3.12 @ 3:08PM

Yes, colson was a fun fellow- it was the asshole Liddy who ruined Nixon; at any rate guys say all sorts of things in private; a churchman can curse like a sailor when he wants to.

PCC| 7.3.12 @ 9:51AM

Dear Mr. Stein,

That was a fine tribute to Mr. Colson. Thank you.

As for the definition of "rich", well, that is in the eye of the beholder.

KS| 7.3.12 @ 1:02PM

As a faithful reader of Ben Stein's articles here, I have come to understand that he has homes in Malibu, Beverly Hills (or thereabouts), Rancho Mirage, and Sandpoint. I consider people with four homes to be rich.

Zeppo| 7.3.12 @ 5:36PM

That's not the complete list.

Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 5:54PM

Rich with four homes depends on how much equity he has in those places, and how much he owes on the mortgage, balanced against how much capital he has.

Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 6:00PM

I live in Colorado Springs and I am a bankruptcy lawyer. I find it immensely enlightening to discover how many valuable assets my clients own that are mortgaged to the hilt. I always used to think they were loaded; in reality, they have very little.

It's particularly depressing for the folks who bought palaces for, say, $500,000 back in 2005, when they could get mortgages for 125% of the market value of their houses, who then did so and bought matching Lexuses on leases for themselves and the spouse, who now are looking at 7-year-old cars and houses whose value has dropped to $200,000, and who are now facing having to come into closing with money (LOTS of it) and cars that aren't anywhere near the value they're having to pay for them.

Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 1:56AM

Quite possible, which is why I make $350K a year and live in a rural area with a house with a mortgage of $218K and a taxable value of same (the appraised value is $280 K) and $15,000 left on my 4 year old pickup truck with 42K miles on it and no interest on the loan. I've also got $200 K in my retirement accounts AND a state pension that is 50% funded by me and is solidly in the black.
Ben may flit around the country but I may have more assets. Low overhead (I have NONE---I take home after taxes and pension and 403(B) put aways about $16,000 a month) and a quiet lifestyle.

Then again, Ben went to law school, not med school, because he is basically lazy.

Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 2:00AM

And that's another reason I didn't buy a Lexus---only a fool puts money into a depreciating asset. If you have a love for cars, and love to work on them as a hobby, that's different. But otherwise, a car is a tool, and is worthless EXCEPT as a tool. Keeping up with WHICH Joneses? The mortgage and the car payment are MY ONLY debt items. The House is on an equity accelerator to be paid off in about 10 years now, and the pickup will be paid off in 2.

Occam's Tool| 7.5.12 @ 2:05AM

And Ben, Billionaires aren't the only rich people. C'mon.

Of course, I don't favor higher taxes on them, as you do. Let me give you a definition of rich, Ben---a man who can live comfortably, go on trips, and do what he wants without having to work. In 17 years or so, I will have the assets to do that, and I will be wealthy by my standards, because I live a fairly simple life.

Bill84728| 7.3.12 @ 6:01PM

And for a few, the Waldo Canyon fire has taken out any equity they might have hoped for, and homeowners' insurance isn't going to cut it.

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http://spectator.org/archives/2012/07/03/a-case-of-intracoastal-blues

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