(To help rescue the postal service and keep neighborhood
post offices alive, I’ve devised a system to teach those who grew
up on the Internet the basic methodology of corresponding with
others through a revolutionary hand-delivered process.)
Welcome to the “Letter-Writing 2.0” program, an exciting new
major advance in social networking! This instructional guide will
explain in detail how to perform the functions necessary to compose
a “letter.” Carefully follow the step-by-step directions below to
activate your revolutionary “handwriting” program:
Those accustomed to employing one of the old i- phone, email,
Facebook or Twitter technologies will find this new “writing”
method a cutting-edge way to communicate with “friends.” It is
always wise to keep a list of friends entered in the
“address book” included here, so as not to forget their names,
especially those you “like.” (It is advisable not to communicate
with persons you dislike.)
You will first need to acquire a piece of “paper,” available
from any local “stationery” server. The stationery app is
accessed by picking up the pen modem in your kit (see fig.
B) and pressing it against the paper to inscribe a
salutation, such as “Dear…” (fill in name of the friend or
individual you wish to receive your letter), followed by a
series of hand-written “sentences” until you reach the bottom of
the first “page.” The pen is gripped by clutching it in
the right or left hand (see figs. 1-7), much as one would
hold a fork or a knife.
The actual letter-writing process is activated by
re-creating spoken words (as on your old iPhone) but in print on
paper, much as you would do if punching in text on the
screen of a hand-held electronic device. The manual will instruct
you how to shape words on paper using a combination of all
26 letters in the alphabet. It will also show you, step by step,
that when you reach the end of a “line” of script at the right-hand
edge of a page you will need to begin a new line
directly underneath what you have just written. This needs to be
done manually.
After you have successfully filled a page with words,
you may either turn the paper over and continue the
writing process or slide another sheet of paper
under the pen to resume your message, perhaps inscribing a
“2” at the top of the next “page” (and, successively, “3,” “4,”
“5,” etc.) until your written message is completed.
To sign off, simply end the initial message phase with any of
several letter-writing emoticons, such as, “Take
it easy!” or “Hope to hear from you guys soon” (see red
guidebook included for suggested user-friendly phrases to employ
with this program).
Warning: You may occasionally
experience a “smudge” if using the “fountain pen” modem included,
often caused by a leaky ink cartridge or by unintentionally
touching the ink while it is still in the wet phase. This common
experience may easily be corrected. Simply “cross out” (or “blot”;
see fig. 14-C) the unwanted letters or words and continue.
This can be done manually with ease. Your Letter-Writer 2.0 device
is not equipped with delete or backspace keys to eliminate unwanted
letters. The deluxe model of the letter-writing 2.0
program also includes a wooden “pencil” (see fig. 21-A)
with an “eraser” app, which is activated by rubbing the soft pink
device at the end of the pencil across the page
to get rid of (or “erase”) unwanted letters.
It is possible to inscribe as many pages as you wish (this
program has unlimited word capacity), after which you will need to
“address” an “envelope” (see fig. 16) to send to the
intended receiver of the letter you have just created. For
this step you will need a “mailing address” (i.e., where the
recipient resides), followed by his/her state and “zip code” (see
glossary on page 34). Do not precede the mailing
address with @ and there is no need to add “.com” or “.org” or
“.edu” after the address” (for instance, Richard Smith@47 Maple
Street, Akron, Ohio.com); doing so will result in a fatal error
message from the “postal carrier.” You can now link up with anybody
by writing his/her address in the center of the
envelope and simply adding your own “return address” in
the upper left corner of the “envelope” (see figs. 3 and
4).
Finally, you will need to fold the letter in two places
(see fig. 7-C) and place it inside the envelope
container, on which you then must “paste” a “postage stamp” in the
upper right corner of the envelope (see fig. 4-E)
by peeling the stamp from a sheet of stamps and firmly
affixing it to the designated envelope corner (one stamp
will usually suffice.) Note that there is no confusing “cut” and
“paste” (or a cumbersome “menu”) to deal with here.
Pasting a stamp is quickly and easily accomplished by
hand.
To “send” a letter, you will need to deposit it inside
a “mail box” (see fig. 12), available on many street
corners. A mail box is identified by its red, white and
blue markings (see “mail box” photo at bottom of page 36).
The letter you have just sent will then be
delivered to the intended recipient within a couple of days.
Congratulations and enjoy your new Letter-Writing 2.0 program!
