WASHINGTON — Did I waste my time last Sunday? In the morning I
was reading the New York Times, acquainting myself with
precisely how the rich and famous live. The editors of the
Times chose this story for its front page so I figured
they thought it important. It involved the Romney family and
someone called Jan Ebeling. It turns out I could have spent my time
otherwise.
On Sunday morning the syndicated columnist George Will appeared
on ABC News’ “This Week” and, though I failed to watch it, he
ruminated over Mitt Romney’s fundraising and those donors whom he
cultivates. George noted one donor in particular, Donald Trump. He
called Trump a “bloviating ignoramus.” That was not the end of it.
Trump detected George’s rude utterance somehow and leapt to Twitter
where he Twitted — I presume that is the verb — that “George Will
may be the dumbest (and most overrated) political commentator of
all time.” What an exciting exchange of ideas!
Meanwhile I was lost in the Times’ vast explication of
the toney life of the Romneys with Ebeling and a cast of what
seemed like hundreds of rich people, their lawyers, the horse
cardiologists, and, of course, their horses. Mrs. Romney’s is, by
the way, named Super Hit.
Ann Romney, some years ago, took up horseback riding as therapy
for multiple sclerosis. That would be bad enough for these were
expensive horses, but it gets worse. She took up a very posh kind
of horseback riding called “dressage.” At first, I thought dressage
involved cross-dressing or something risqué. After all, the
Times’ tone was decidedly alarmist. But the story is more
troubling still. Dressage is very, very expensive and, as the
Times sees it, frivolous. Moreover, the Romneys had become
very friendly with this fellow Ebeling, who emigrated here in 1980
from Germany. Since then Ebeling has become a mentor to the rich
and famous and is now trying out for our Olympic team. The horse he
plans to ride at the Olympic tryouts is in part owned by Ann Romney
and she and her husband, the Republicans’ presumed nominee, have
loaned Ebeling and his wife money for their horse farm at which the
Romneys take quiet getaways in a “Mediterranean-style guesthouse.”
Why a Mediterranean-style as opposed to an Igloo-style is left to
the imagination.
Well, those getaways will not be quiet any longer. The
Times has blown the whistle on the whole sordid deceit,
and I anticipate we shall be informed of even more lavish
recreations in the months to come. The Times and the
Washington Post are nothing if not exhaustive and
exhausting. Recall, if you will, the Post’s extensive
piece about Romney’s high school bullying of a boy or the rumor of
his bullying of a boy, or some Democratic acquaintance’s
recollection of Romney’s bullying or, perhaps, someone else’s
bullying of the boy who, incidentally, is now dead and whose family
objects to the Post’s characterization of him.
Frankly, I think I shall stick with the New York Times.
For sheerest boredom they take all cakes. What of Mitt Romney’s
other recreations? Doubtless before this election is over we shall
read all about them. We already have heard about how he treated his
dog 29 years ago. And then the Romneys have five sons. They may be
windsurfers, as Jean-François Kerry windsurfed during the 2004
election. They may be bungee-jumpers. Was not Al Gore a
bungee-jumper until he developed those multitudinous inner tubes of
flesh around his midsection? On one subject I think we shall hear
very little, Mitt Romney’s drug use as a young man. It is
abundantly clear that he did not use drugs, even caffeine.
On the other hand, President Barack Obama did use drugs. And he
actually did bully a fellow high school student, though the student
was not a boy. President Obama admits in his memoirs, Dreams
from My Father, to having bullied a girl. Where did
he get the money to pay for his drugs and why did he bully a girl?
I shall never know. I read the New York Times.
