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The Nation's Pulse
My Speech to Graduates
Advice for young people who do not necessarily need advice.
For many reasons, all of them excellent, I have never been asked to deliver a commencement address. I have been asked to keep quiet at a commencement address — often by the womenfolk — but never to speak. This was probably a wise decision. Columnists are too opinionated for such bland ceremonies. What you want is some windy titan of business who can spew a string of empty platitudes about the graduates being “our future” (Our future what? Taxpayers? Retirees? Prison population?) and how they should go forth and “make a difference.” In other words, something immediately forgettable and, preferably, brief.
Nevertheless, as we squirmed in a sweltering gymnasium Sunday evening listening to the droning of the archbishop, I had to wonder what I would say if, Heaven forbid, His Excellency keeled over from the heat and I was mistakenly called on to finish the commencement address.
I think I would gaze out over the largely white, middle-class audience that constitutes my son’s small high school graduating class and say that hopefully, by 18 years of age, their parents and teachers have given them all the values they will need to lead happy, successful lives. If not, then it is probably too late.
I would say that college-bound adults probably do not need a lot of lecturing anyway. The ones who could use a good talking to are those not in attendance, the underclass dropouts, the very ones to whom we are reluctant to offer advice or moral instruction because it is considered bad form to judge another’s lifestyle, no matter how self-destructive that lifestyle. But since these underclass kids are unavailable, you middle class grads will have to do.
I would urge those who will go away to university to return home after college. Do not be bewitched by the bright lights of the big cities. You may think Sprawlsville, USA is a utopian dreamland, but you would be in error. Suburbia is, in fact, populated by middle managers, accountants, and public relations men. Yes, small towns are often ridiculed as dull, dying, backward places peopled by retired farmers and Tim McGraw fans. But what do you expect when all the smart folks decamp for the cities? Recall the lessons learned by Dorothy Gale in The Wizard of Oz: “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard.” Return to your roots and get involved in your communities and your churches. Join local civic groups, run for your school board, your park board, your library board. But let it end there. If some busybody insults you by asking you to run for state or federal office, tell him to get lost.
Do not hate the past. Remember that newer is not always better and that less is sometimes more. In today’s world old ways and things are to be discarded to make way for the latest model. This applies to people as well as things. But with the speed of innovation coupled with our unbridled consumerism this is a recipe for permanent dissatisfaction. Instead, learn to cherish the old.
TUNE OUT ALL the noise and nonsense that keeps us from living in the moment. You needn’t join a Trappist monastery to live a contemplative life. Look to the example of Thérèse of Lisieux who “accomplished the apparently impossible feat of being, every moment, in a state of sharply focused, intensely controlled alertness, and at the same time completely spontaneous in all that she did.” And remember of the words of Thomas Merton, who knew that “Our real journey in life is interior: it is a matter of growth, deepening, and of an ever greater surrender to the creative action of love and grace in our hearts.”
Don’t give up on marriage. I know it sounds crazy in this day of drive-through divorce. I know many of you are still traumatized by your parents’ separations. The fact remains that marriage is the foundation of civilized life. No advanced civilization has ever existed without the two-parent family. The family, to paraphrase Russell Kirk, remains the institution most necessary to preserve. American society simply will not survive long without healthy marriages.
It is everyone’s duty to cultivate his garden, said Voltaire. In that spirit do something good for the Earth. God has made us its stewards. There comes a time when we need to stop fouling our nest.
Merton, Kirk, Voltaire, Dorothy Gale — none of these can match the wisdom of my fellow Belleville, Illinois native, Christian Rudolph “Buddy” Ebsen, Jr., whose Jed Clampett summed up the key to a successful and happy life in one succinct, pithy phrase: “If you’re too busy to go fishin’, you’re too busy.”
About the Author
Christopher Orlet writes from St. Louis.
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74randy | 5.31.12 @ 6:53AM
Thanks for the wonderful article above. Your mention of Thomas Merton made me think you might enjoy this website devoted to him.
http://mertonocso.wordpress.com
Appleby| 5.31.12 @ 7:06AM
Nobody's tombstone ever said "I wish I had spent more time face down in some unknown man's apartment, covered in my own vomit (hopefully only my own)".
Remember that when you are 65 and start discovering that no matter how "young at heart" you imagine you are, your body is saying "Not so much, not so fast", you want a large fund of experiences to look back on that will make a really entertaining and unique Memoir -- something besides "I did what the Herd did". Instead of banging on a pot with a spoon (assuming you are older than two) in the middle of the public street, why not hie yourself to Mataranka Homestead in the Northern Territory of Australia and read "We of the Never Never" while you sit in a tropical oasis in the desert? Or if you are determined to blow $40,000 on something, why not go to the Gumball Rally web page and contemplate the non-refundable entry fee and the true meaning of the little white block that says "Add to Cart" -- that you have a credit card you can charge that $40,000 to? Why not a unique 8 days you share with hardly anybody, instead of a year of credits in Gender Identity in Rock and Roll, with garnishes of kicking and screaming in the streets of a major city with stinking, drug addled strangers who will never ride in a Bugatti Vayron much less drive one?
Get the point?
Eat Dessert First -- rich, calorie-laden, bad-for-you dessert. Remember all those ladies on the Titanic who waved away the dessert cart.
Carpe that Diem, y'all.
KyMouse| 5.31.12 @ 9:35AM
Bless you, Appleby, for starting off my day with a good laugh. I've already emailed several folks your reminder about the ladies on Titanic. A great image. Many thanks.
Cobalt| 5.31.12 @ 8:06AM
"What I Did For Love"
Kiss today goodbye.....
Albert Constantine Jr.| 5.31.12 @ 8:30AM
My advice to the graduates:
Telling people how you feel is easier than showing them how you feel-make sure you can do both.
Von Mises Jr| 5.31.12 @ 9:00AM
I visited the Metropolitan Museum of Art yesterday and it was amazing to see the Monet, Renoir, Van Gogh, Picasso, Cezanne and Rembrandt. Other than the art and good food, it was a freak show.
On leaving the station, the first newspaper headline was "Forward." Do these dopes not understand that is Mao's "Great Leap Forward" that instituted "One Child Policy" with forced abortions for female fetuses sometime after they killed some 40 million who rejected the "Brave New World?"
The young males dressed prettier than the gals, and apparently they liked each other more than the attractive women. What are these women looking for, a man or a fanciful male gal-pal?
It is like a variable enclave of groups. The ritsy-titsy fashionable on Central Park haven't figured out yet that socialism means that they have to buy Gucci for the scum-bum on 42nd Street. The Village (idiots) mingles in Chinatown and Little Italy during light, but I am sure they are back with their own when the sun goes down.
After the museum and dinner, I was so happy to return to my rural neighborhood where a mother turkey led her two chicks through my yard the day before while I was watching the cardinals and catbird. And when I have gone fishing, I have seen a bobcat and a mink, not guys in women's clothing and pierced noses.
Take my advice. Visit the city on occasion, but stay the heck away otherwise.
Occam's Tool| 5.31.12 @ 2:54PM
Von:
When I was in my final year of residency at UCLA, I was trying to decide where I would start my practice. I decided that since I had 1) never gone to the symphony or the ballet or the opera in 5 years in LA, 2) visited the Getty Museum twice, 3) could get access to Thai food just about anywhere and 4) could get access to movies by mail ordering them (same for books, although a little more difficult in 1993, although the Bodhi Tree would get Medical Textbooks at that time), there was no real point in living in a city as long as I was within, say, 90 minutes of one.
Moved to a small Alabama town, and now I live in a small Minnesota town. If you can swing it, the best life there is.
Dr Right: YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT PIERCINGS/TATTOOS, etc. Ladies' earings, folks, that's it.
Doctor Right| 5.31.12 @ 9:37AM
Here's my commencement address:
1. Avoid fast foods.
2. First impressions DO matter, so don't get tattoos or put those silly discs in your earlobes.
3. Sleep is important.
4. Your degree will get you an interview, but that's about it; make the most of it.
5. You will meet often people who seem less intelligent than you, but are far more successful; deal with it.
6. Be willing to start at the bottom. In fact, that's the best way to gain competency and learn your profession. Any company that would make you a middle-manager out of college won't be around very long.
7. Stay honest, but abandon your belief in good intentions; good intentions are good for nothing. It's results that matter.
8. You're constantly going to be judged by others on things that seem trivial; get used to it.
9. Avoid the impulse to be a rebel unless you have sufficient funds to enable a rebellious lifestyle.
10. Paying taxes sucks after all, doesn't it?
11. Mom and Dad love you vert much, but believe me, they're sick of you. They want you to visit on weekends, not sleep on the couch.
12. Yes, you ARE from another planet now, so of course college kids and their political views sound stupid.
13. The Government is NOT here to help.
14. Still believe in "green" energy? Then fill your own gas-tank.
15. You are privileged to live in the most prosperous, freest nation that has ever existed. That nation's future will one day be in your hands - so don't screw it up.
Congratulations!
CJW| 5.31.12 @ 10:20AM
Doc and Albert,
I would add:
1. Do not have any children unless you are married and one of you has a job so you can afford a child.
2. Vote Republican, or for any candidate who will cut taxes, protect the USA, and kill terrorrists.
3. Do not get a divorce if you have children under age 16. If you cannot afford one household on your present income, you will not afford two households on the same income.
THKrupp| 5.31.12 @ 11:21AM
I would also add:
Always tell the truth. Even if its bad news.
Deal with problems as they come up. Putting off dealing with something never makes it better
THKrupp| 5.31.12 @ 11:26AM
Perhaps also dealing with decision making.
If you are unsure which path to take pick one and go with it. Often it doesnt really matter what you do. Doing something is almost always better than doing nothing.
When you realize that what you are doing is the wrong choice or that there is a better way. Own up to it and change.
Von Mises Jr| 5.31.12 @ 5:31PM
My advice is don't ever grow up. It sucks. But it is better than being a liberal.
Appleby| 5.31.12 @ 7:35PM
Our receptionist has a little card on her desk that says DON'T GROW UP: IT'S A TRAP.
It is necessary to be an adult, but it's not necessary to "grow up." C.S. Lewis observed that too many girls spend their childhood trying to reach 21 and then the rest of their lives trying to stay 21. The Brits call it "Mutton Dressed As Lamb." However, if you like the way you look, go right ahead. Other people are not required to look at you. (Be prepared to end up on People of Walmart.com though. Just a thought.)
Don't worry about sounding foolish or looking slightly looney. 95% of the world doesn't know you, and of the other 5%, half of them will hate you no matter what you do and the rest are too busy wondering where you got your hat to notice you sing off key.
John Navratil| 5.31.12 @ 4:43PM
Doctor Right,
Excellent advice. Might I modify (6), just a bit? "Don't take a job you are fully qualified for."
C. Vernon Crisler | 5.31.12 @ 11:25AM
My advice: go out and sin, and sin often. And drink. Drink often, and drink everything.
That way, your body builds up a tolerance, so that when you find yourself overcome with temptations later in life, your moral immune system will attack them.
That's why those who haven't drank and gambled and cussed early on in life end up being basket cases later in life, and wind up on the streets where naked people eat their faces.
And it all comes from not sinning enough while young and impressionable and when you're better able to survive it.
Doctor Right| 5.31.12 @ 11:56AM
That's really bad advice.
Like REALLY bad. Bordering on stupid.
Sorry.
C. Vernon Crisler | 5.31.12 @ 2:48PM
If students follows my advice, they can travel to foreign countries and all they have to do is show their cards which lists the sins they've been innoculated against. That means less trouble with local authorities, because it's no picnic to have to go through a moral quarantine in a foreign country.
Doctor Right| 5.31.12 @ 4:09PM
Maybe it's better advice to teach children morals and proper behavior, and then tell them that when they're overseas they should act like good guests??
In other words...if you wouldn't do it at home, don't do it over there.
Occam's Tool| 5.31.12 @ 2:57PM
Sorry, Mr. Crisler: I would say this: pick your vices very carefully, and avoid others, as we are led into temptation easily.
My recommendation is Dark Chocolate.
C. Vernon Crisler | 5.31.12 @ 3:25PM
But selective sinning still leaves you open to a whole host of temptations. And Hersheys is now cooking up new ones every day. No, better to be a universal sinner in your youth, so that when you get old, you'll be able to display a train of righteousness that will dazzle the folks at the home.
Occam's Tool| 5.31.12 @ 6:06PM
Mr. Crisler: me thinks you have read too much PG Wodehouse.
Completely off topic, but a hell of a lot of fun:
BREAKING NEWS: RON ("PRO-LIFE") PAUL VOTES TO MURDER BABIES-----
from Weasel Zippers (a much better site):
"The House on Thursday rejected a Republican bill that would impose fines and prison terms on doctors who perform abortions for the sole purpose of controlling the gender of the child, a practice known as sex-selective abortion.
The Prenatal Nondiscrimination Act (PRENDA), H.R. 3541, was defeated in a 246-168 vote. While that’s a clear majority of the House, Republicans called up the bill under a suspension of House rules, which limits debate and requires a two-thirds majority vote to pass. In this case, it would have required more support from Democrats.
Twenty Democrats voted for the bill, while seven Republicans opposed it. The bill would have needed 30 more yeas to pass.
Suspension votes are normally used for noncontroversial bills, but the GOP-backed measure was clearly controversial. Republicans have occasionally put controversial bills on the suspension calendar in order to highlight that Democrats oppose certain policies.
Republicans voting against the bill were Reps. Justin Amash (Mich.), Charlie Bass (N.H.), Mary Bono Mack (Calif.), Robert Dold (Ill.), Richard Hanna (N.Y.), Nan Hayworth (N.Y.), and Ron Paul (Texas)."
Petronius| 5.31.12 @ 12:08PM
Dear graduate of ____
Your real education starts tomorrow morning when the real world shows you that when you entered _____ with a skull full of mush, all you got for your time, money, and effort, was more mush. Unless you studied hard sciences, medicine, or law, I hope you partied your ass off. Beside the fore mentioned fields, any other degree signifies nothing but the willingness to submit. With depression just around the corner, we'll see who can survive. No school teaches what to do when a foolish parasitic people bring down a once prosperous nation. Have a nice day. The anthill shall rise anon.
THKrupp| 5.31.12 @ 12:38PM
I would question your inclusion of law and there is some hard sciences that arent going to pay the bills very well either. A degree in geology is probably going to be more valuable than a degree in physics or chemistry unless the student is at the top of their class and is going to go on to graduate school. I know a lot of chem majors that are working for 15 bucks an hour as lab techs. A BS in physics doesnt offer a lot either. A Business Administration degree or a degree in Accounting will probably be more valuable than any of those.
Petronius| 5.31.12 @ 2:02PM
The references were about substance and usefulness. Legal careers are desirable because lawyers aren't regulated. They regulate all of us. Last nights rerun of Leno: "A janitor at Columbia University has just graduated with a degree in classics which he began in 1997. This opens up the possibility of, being a janitor." My brief against academia is exactly that. They are totally self serving and they want what their friends in government want; sheeple. The last time I applied to a university I stated to the dean of admissions that my mission was to study under a Professor who wanted me for his student, but that I was not interested in any degree. They told me to get lost even though I could pay. Can't say I didn't learn anything from that experience.
THKrupp| 5.31.12 @ 2:09PM
I agree to a certain extent...although if they want usefullness and a career that is wide open with tons of demand...become an instrument and electrical tech. Base wages for those guys start at about $25 an hour and go up from there. You wont want for a job very long and can pretty much pick and choose where you work if you are good.
Skippy| 6.1.12 @ 4:44PM
Registered Nurse.
Someone will have to wipe our noses as we age.
The Big E| 5.31.12 @ 12:21PM
The only thing I've ever heard receive genuine applause in any graduation speech was the line, "in conclusion," and I can honestly say that it's the only line I remember from any graduation speech I've ever heard.
Crassus| 5.31.12 @ 7:25PM
Exactly. I couldn't wait for the commencement speeches at my high school and college graduations to conclude.
cicero| 5.31.12 @ 3:25PM
We tend to confuse "training" with "education". I would recommend that the graduate spend some idle time reading the literature that they were not exposed to, starting with Plato and progressing through all of those old dead white folks, continuing through the great liturature of the world generated to date. The continuity gives perspective. Coupling the literature with as much biography and history as they can absorb will show what happened to go along with literatures' why. This gives the ability to think critically. I would tell them, "No, the world did not begin when you were born, and it will not end when you die. And you will die." While we seem to have reachedd a point of impressive technical achievement, we have done so at the expense of maturity.
Appleby| 5.31.12 @ 7:39PM
I agree with you wholeheartedly. And read the major English Poets -- having the ability to quote Yeats and Housman and Walter de la Mare, not to mention quantities of Shakespeare, will make you a valuable companion on a bus trip from Kingman, AZ to Elko NV where there is absolutely nothing to see.
Petronius| 6.1.12 @ 1:02PM
The poet holding the cards these days and until the end comes will always be Kipling.