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Movie Takes
Bully
A documentary that can only worsen the problem it sets out to explore.
When former Governor Rod Blagojevich of Illinois went to prison last month, Jay Leno inevitably made a couple of jokes about the fact in the monologue to his late night show on NBC. One of them had to do with Mr. Blagojevich’s chances of finding another former Illinois governor as his cell mate. The other went something like this. “Rod Blagojevich says he guarantees his conviction will be overturned, but I have a guarantee of my own. I guarantee that within days of his going into prison, it will be Rod who is overturned.…” If, that is, you catch his drift. No one seems to have protested against Mr. Leno’s making a joke about one of the most horrific forms of bullying imaginable, anal rape, so perhaps we can take his and his audience’s inclination to mirth on such a subject as a good illustration of the difficulties of persuasion lying in the way of Lee Hirsch’s documentary, Bully. I think it’s also an illustration of what is wrong with the film.
What’s wrong is that there are so many ways of distancing ourselves from the problem that it can hardly be said to be a problem. That Rod B. is a corrupt former governor caught out in an incredibly clumsy attempt to sell a U.S. Senate seat and who subsequently made a buffoonish attempt to capitalize on his fame doubtless helps to distance him, in Jay’s mind, from Jay himself and those who laugh at his jokes. They’re not the ones being raped. Another form of distancing was summed up by the South Park kids: “Let’s all join together and make bullying kill itself. Bullying is an ugly thing, let’s shove its face in the dirt.” The point is that you can’t really treat bullying as a problem in the abstract, apart from the context in which some particular act of bullying takes place. The only way history shows of fighting bullying is by fighting back against the bully — which, in our faulty modern way of looking at things makes the bully indistinguishable from the bullied. That must be why Mr. Hirsch acts as if fighting back were not an option. His victims all have to retain their pure victimhood.
I have written elsewhere of how hypocrisy is now, perhaps, the only sin remaining in the catalogue, at least so far as the media are concerned, but here is one other to keep it company: the sin of “blaming the victim.” Any suggestion that someone who suffers might have, or might have had, however remotely or tentatively, some recourse to his own resources in order to prevent his own suffering, or that of others, is widely regarded as an intolerable impertinence. Thus, when a policeman in Toronto last year suggested to some young women that if they wished to avoid the occasion of sexual assault, they might want to dress modestly and not like sluts, he sparked off a world-wide movement of protest called “Slut-walking” in which young women took it on themselves to dress as they imagined sluts might do in order to assert their right to dress indiscreetly — and to warn others against the policeman’s grievous sin of blaming the victim.
Maybe you can see what the problem is here? By refusing to blame the victim, you are in effect not blaming the perpetrator either. By insisting on viewing sexual assault as a social or political problem rather than a moral or legal lapse by some individual, you remove the whole matter from the moral realm in order to re-insert it into the political one. And that is what we are seeing in Bully as well. Entirely focused as it is on a half-dozen youthful victims of bullying, the movie has much to say about bullying as a general social problem — a problem in the abstract — but almost nothing to say about the people who are actually doing the bullying. Only two bullies show their faces to the camera, but neither is pursued or questioned in any detail. One cheerfully sticks out his hand to “make up” with his victim in response to a dim assistant principal’s request but is then dismissed so that the dim assistant principal can proceed to berate the victim for his reluctance to be “friends” with his persistent persecutor.
Although he makes light of the fact, the other bully with a face admits under interrogation to having hit the one child, Alex Libby, age 13, whose bullying we actually witness on film, saying that it was “Because he made me so mad.” So far as we see, that’s all there is to be said about his despicable deed. The bully is a caricature and neither he nor his victim is treated as a moral agent in the affair. Both are mere symptoms of something else, of that abstract problem of bullying which, being an abstract problem, can only have an abstract solution — which remains as elusive as ever. You’ve got to be against bullying, don’t you? But being against bullying is like being against bad luck. However much you may hate it and attempt to raise people’s political consciousness against it, you must know you are never going to make it go away. In fact, by treating it in this way I think you are likely to make the problem, insofar as it is a problem, worse, since you are taking your focus off the real cause of bullying, which is bullies, and putting it on something else, which is social problems.
There are other problems with the picture. The most prominently featured of the bully-victims is a 17-year-old boy from Georgia, Tyler Long, who killed himself, supposedly as a result of being bullied, in 2009. Emily Bazelon in Slate has cast considerable doubt on this story as it is told in the film and obtained from Mr. Hirsch himself an admission that he left out several details which most people in his audience would be likely to think highly relevant, including Tyler’s history of mental illness and a suicide note that never mentions bullying — not to mention the fact that his parents are suing the school district for a considerable amount of money and so have a financial interest in telling the story in such a way as to maximize those details which support the portrait of their son as a bully-victim and to minimize those which do not.
The most revealing moment in Bully, I think, comes when a grade-school kid who was the friend of an 11-year-old from Oklahoma, Ty Smalley, who also killed himself after being bullied, explains his own process of enlightenment. He himself had been a bully in the second grade, he confesses to Mr. Hirsch’s camera, but then started to have a bad conscience about it in third grade. By the time he got to fourth grade, he had made up his mind “to be cool with everybody.” True, when he saw his friend Ty being bullied, he had the urge to take the bullies on. He looks like he could have done it too. But Ty would say to him: “Trey, it’s not worth it. Be better than them.” And so Trey, full of admiration for his friend’s saint-like forbearance, would be better than them and refuse to fight. And so the bullying went on. And so Ty killed himself. But the main thing is, I guess, that he was better than them.
Trey, we can see, has got the right political message: “If I were the king of the United States, there would be no popularity,” he says. “Everybody would be equal. That’s the way it should be.” This is only a slightly less sophisticated outlook on things from that of Ty’s dad, Kirk, who lives in a house filled with the stuffed heads of slaughtered deer, mounted on the walls, and who, while claiming to be a “nobody” himself, professes to believe that “If this had happened to a politician’s kid, there would be a law tomorrow.” A law to do what, exactly? Outlaw popularity, perhaps? The refrain that runs throughout the movie is that horror z followed horror y which followed horror x — “and yet, nothing was done.” But at no point does the film have anything concrete to suggest about what it thinks should be done.
To Mr. Hirsch’s credit we actually see the nothing, and the worse than nothing, which is done in the case of the dim assistant principal aforementioned. When Alex Libby’s parents bring him into school to complain about the fact that nothing is being done, she admits her helplessness — and then proceeds to take out a photo of her new-born grandchild, saying: “I don’t want anything to happen to these babies, any of them.” At least she has her good intentions to keep herself safe. Her even more dim colleague then asks poor Alex, who is also known to his tormentors as “Fish Face” and who has complained to her, too, of the school’s nothing-doing, how he knows that she didn’t do anything when he reported to her back in sixth grade that Teddy had sat on his head on the bus. “Did he sit on your head again?”
“Well, no,” admits Alex. “But” — under his breath — “he did other stuff after that.”
Indeed he did, too, for we have seen him doing it. But the authorities’ doing nothing is rather like the thing they’re doing nothing about in being, apparently, an impenetrable mystery to Mr. Hirsch. Someone, perhaps it is Alex’s dad, makes a plaintive reference to the fact that, in his school days, the bus driver would have stopped the bus if that kind of thing were going on and knocked some heads together. Unspoken is the reason why that doesn’t happen anymore. Likewise, another of the film’s child interviewees tells us wonderingly of his own experience with being bullied: “It came to the point where I had to stand up for myself for them to leave me alone!” Fancy that! That the poor thing should have been driven to such an extreme!
I had the feeling that the biggest bully here was the social and moral consensus which says that fighting — fighting as such and irrespective of whether you are the bully or the one being bullied — is wrong and intolerable. That is the thug in the corner quietly tapping his baseball bat into the palm of his hand and saying that we had better not say anything about real fighting, as opposed to the political kind. Not if we know what’s good for us. Bullying is a terrible problem, he will readily agree with you. Something certainly ought to be done about it. But the one thing that we know can be done about it, namely taking on the bully, must never be proposed or even mentioned except in the most oblique way. That is simply not something which is on the table anymore, at least so far as Mr. Hirsch and his subjects are concerned. They are all determined, like poor dead Ty Smalley, to be “better than” those who do such things. And so nothing ever is done — except to say what a scandal it is that nothing is ever done.
About the Author
James Bowman, our movie and culture critic, is a resident scholar at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. He is the author of Honor: A History and Media Madness: The Corruption of Our Political Culture, both published by Encounter Books.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (90) | Leave a comment
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Appleby| 4.23.12 @ 7:44AM
My Daddy was bullied when he was young; like most of the bullies in this movie, he was undersized and appeared to be a good victim. Daddy had 9 brothers and 3 sisters -- he had long ago learned to stand up for himself, and the bullying didn't last long. I was bullied by the "popular girls" in my Grade 6 class, who had been throughly indoctrinated (as unfortunately had my Mama) that being Popular made you invincible and being Intelligent made you cannon fodder. Equally unfortunately for them, Daddy gave me good advice: pick out the ringleader and beat the crap out of her. This did not gain me any friends -- I had to wait until I got to college to find lifelong friends in a larger milieu -- but it stopped the bullying tout suite. It also inspired Mama to take me to the child psychiatrist to discover why I was not more popular (or ladylike).
The sad fact of life is that high school is, except for a very limited (in many ways) minority of students, a good deal like prison -- you serve your time and maybe get out early for good behaviour, and you learn that valuable lesson that life is unfair and you'd better get used to it sooner rather than later. And if you're lucky, you have older siblings who can tell you that no matter what anybody else says, high school doesn't mean anything in the larger picture of life.
The most popular girl in my high school class joined a cult and didn't amount to anything. I had stood on all seven continents by the time I was 22. I moved to California and never saw anybody in my high school class after graduation -- indeed, I saw only one person from my high school (who remains a good friend) after that last bus ride home. And I can't say I even wonder what happened to any of them, either.
WRTolkas| 4.23.12 @ 1:33PM
Dear Miss Appelby,
Except for the gender, your narrative reads like my story. I told my family that I didn't graduate from Robert E. Peary H.S. in Rockville, Maryland, I survived Robert E. Peary H.S. I was bullied every day.
As you have flourished after your ordeal, I too have had many accomplishments, degrees, patents, .... How many of my graduating class have I met after 40+ years? None. Though I was once sent a letter requesting my participation at the class reunion. In the letter were questions on what was I doing, what I remember most; but my answer to the question that I did answer did indicate that I was not attending the reunion: What was your fondest memory of Robert E. Peary H.S.? My fondest memory was leaving that place, you people, and never looking back.
Oh and about the bullying, I enlisted during Vietnam. My life was changed. I was never bullied again - I got too darn good with my fists and a knife.
Be safe.
Not Special Ops Bill| 4.23.12 @ 2:42PM
Ohmigod, you took responsibility for yourself and acted like a man. Don't you know what an unforgiveable sin that was here in Girly World?
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:05PM
WR: I was bullied in high school, and I do get requests to go to re-unions. I ignore them. My classmates, with very few exceptions, are nothing like me, and I don't give a shit about 99% of them.
I left Illinois for Texas, moved to LA, and started a career in Alabama and have been all over. My nearest H.S. classmate lives in Minneapolis, and she's a physically unattractive Liberal woman. I don't keep in touch. And that's the way I like it.
I'm richer than most, more educated than almost all, have a better spouse than all of them, and my kids are better behaved.
My kids are being homeschooled. F- the public school system. "But how do they socialize?" My son is 8 and is incredibly handsome. The little girls in MN are already throwing themselves at him, just like they did in pre-school in New Zealand ("Hi, Isaac." "Hi, Isaac." "Hi, Isaac." Other than his ear, he looks like a Greek god.)
As for my daughter, on my weekends off we pull the phone out of the wall so her friends don't call her and wake me up. Yup, problems socializing. Isaac is huge and powerful for an 8 year old. He protects his older sister from anyone who would bully her.
Both kids are doing double their grade level in reading and math. Yup, I'm worried about how they will compete, and how they will socialize.
Not Special Ops Bill| 4.24.12 @ 5:22PM
One reply to the "socialization" aspect of the argument in favor of public school is that there's precious little socializing going on in private school, and that home schoolers frequently make an extra effort to bring their children together in civic groups of one kind or another, something public schools abandoned long ago.
Not Special Ops Bill| 4.24.12 @ 5:28PM
Not "private school," but "public school." My bad.
Vern Crisler| 4.23.12 @ 5:47PM
You can always find out what happened to your high school classmates. Join Facebook. They all got older.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:33AM
But she really doesn't want to know what happened to any of those failures.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:28PM
Ms. Appleby: and yet you are a sweet and incredible lady. I hope your finances are doing much better.
Alan Brooks| 4.23.12 @ 8:32PM
But by your Rightist lights, bullying is akin to hazing at Military Institutes- it makes men out of mice.
WRTolkas| 4.23.12 @ 9:55PM
Dear Mr. Brooks,
The hazing received in the military was for a purpose: make us better soldiers. The bullying I received in high-school was for a purpose: to intimidate. Those morons told you you could not be a man. The Military told us we could be men and showed us how. I learned my lessons well. I was taught by the best. In my travels, I have witnessed bullying and have interceded. The perps saw the look on my face, the intensity in my eyes, and my stance. That brings me finally to what else did I learn from my mentors: bullies always back down. But I am still ready for the one that doesn't.
Be safe Mr. Brooks. I always enjoy reading your comments.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:32AM
It's a shame that high school isn't about learning anymore. The Department of Education seems hellbent on making sure it's not about education, more about indoctrination. Indoctrinating "populars" vs "nerds" seems an awful lot like adult life, with popular politicians being above everyone else, especially the "nerd" smart enough not to fall for their tricks. If that nerd still has any smarts after high school anyway, with the nerd being pummeled continuously and forced into despair.
And unlike in adulthood, when you get indoctrinated to depend on the federal government when you get "bullied" by big banks, big oil, or even your evil employer whose business made $250,000, here no one is there to intervene. Of course, it's because high school is not about learning anymore. It's about producing obedient little servants with all drive to succeed of their own effort drained from them.
PhilTheCapitalistPig| 4.23.12 @ 9:38AM
A-FREAKING-MEN!!!!
Whitey O'Carr| 4.23.12 @ 10:11AM
...And people like Obama demand that we send our kids to Pubic Skool to become good little citizens? After all the torture that we go through at our expense? My kids will not go into that trap! Home schooling or private schooling but not this LIBERAL bulloney. Also, Appleby, did you notice one thing about your parents and when you went to K-12? They did not understand what you went through? Did you tell them what was going on at the school? Did you explain to them what the other students did to you? When I was tortured, I would tell my parents what the other students did to me but my parents would not listen to me. I say screw the public education system! Let's build our own schools and educate our own children!
Maddox| 4.23.12 @ 11:00AM
We have and we did, they're called private schools. The one we chose was well worth the thousands of dollars we paid to have our children grow up safely and with a proper education. To those who cannot afford this option I urge you to home school them. If you are not capable, find a group that can. Stop the indoctrination of our children and America has real hope for its future.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:35AM
Or move to Louisiana, or encourage your state government to follow the Louisiana example. Empower parents with school choice. Then at least they'll be hope for the students whose parents actually care enough to worry about an education.
Rich Fisher| 4.23.12 @ 10:44AM
My 10 year old grandson had been pushed about far enough by the school bully one day and he finally just cold cocked the kid in the hallway at school. Of course the usual conference ensued witht he school principal in which he was given ISS (In School Suspension) and his mom, a teacher at the school, was just horrified. Dad was out of town so Grandpa went to school that afternoon, picked up grandson and took him out for an ice cream. I told him his actions were right thought he might want to be a little more careful about the venue. The bully never bothered him or anyone else again that year. He knows now that bully's need to be dealt with and harshly. He also knows that if any bully of any kind lays a finger on his sister that he goes down and stays down. There was a time when men were men and women were damned glad of it.
skedaddle| 4.23.12 @ 11:14AM
In the 6th grade we had a boy dying from leukemia. On one of the few days he came to school our class bully hit him overly hard with a ball and knocked him down. Some girls rushed to help the hurt boy but the rest of the girls rushed the bully and pummeled him to the ground where we proceeded to kick and hit him. As soon as the hitting started, I saw our teacher turn his back and let us beat up the bully - after awhile, the teacher turned back around and quietly said "that'll do". I can't imagine how I'd feel if I hadn't struck a blow for that poor dying boy. I also think the bully was better off for having quickly paid for his sin and making a sincere apology.
KyMouse| 4.23.12 @ 11:21AM
Yes, the whole moral-equivalence thing has taken over. A kid who is being picked on isn't allowed to do what picked-on kids have traditionally had the right to do -- hit back, and make it count. Today, if he tries to teach the bully a lesson, he will be punished.
Kids need to learn how to deal with bullies and rudeness in general, because it's a fact of life. They need to learn how to use their heads, but also their fists, with the moral guidance to use both appropriately.
By "using their heads," I mean this sort of response: I think it was Dr. Laura Schlessinger who said on her radio show that her son was being teased about having big ears. He finally got smart and answered that he could pick up satellite broadcasts from other countries. Kids chuckled appreciatively at his answer, and the bully's attack was defused.
Seek| 4.23.12 @ 12:41PM
Self-defense against a tyrant is always justifiable, but descending to the level of the tyrant -- i.e., sucker-punching -- merely encourages the tyrant/bully to behave badly with others. The goal ought to be to get the bully to look at himself in the mirror to change permanently. And that's the job of the school authorities, who unfortunately all too often fall down on the job.
I saw this film last weekend, and I can tell you that some of those authorities, especially that female principal in Iowa, encourage bullying by assuming moral equivalence between bully and complaining victim. Of such impasses, Columbine-style massacres are made.
PhilTheCapitalistPig| 4.23.12 @ 3:05PM
Nothing makes a bully look in the mirror more than a black eye. Sometimes a good ole knuckle sandwich is all people need to keep them honest.
Cloudbuster | 4.23.12 @ 4:29PM
Pfft. A good sucker-punching teaches them to think twice about messing with you again. That bully looks himself in the mirror -- and sees that bruises.
PolishKnight| 4.23.12 @ 12:47PM
I find it strange that the authorities are so useless (It's perhaps a good lesson about libertarianism). In theory, children shouldn't be victims of bullies anymore than adults are. If I leave work and I have a co-worker waiting for me in the parking lot ready to beat me up, I call the police AND tell HR and they go to jail and/or fired. That simple. It's shouldn't be terribly complicated.
If a bunch of popular kids want to exclude you from their lunch table, that is their right both when we're kids and as adults. I think that many people never outgrow high school. The way to deal with it is to learn the correct lesson that the non-popular kids have a lot to offer too and make your own friendship circle and don't be so exclusionary about it. It's a lesson that will help you to travel to foreign lands and be open to new friendships.
If some bullies picked upon my kid at school or just outside of it, my reaction would be swift and simple: I'm not playing footsie here. I'm calling the police directly (not Joe Paterno!) and getting them involved if for no other reason than to make out a police report and then call the principle if the police don't engage them already. After a few incidents, I call an attorney and then the school board and start talking about putting my child in a private school AT THE STATE EXPENSE.
Sound ridiculous? I have a friend who largely did just that.
All American American| 4.23.12 @ 1:25PM
"I think that many people never outgrow high school."
THIS is encouraged by our culture nowadays. A moron perpetual adolescent who has no long-term vision is easy to control. There's an old saying that goes something like when you're 16 if you're not a socialist you have no heart, but when you're 36 if you're not a capitalist you have no brains. Ding, ding, ding! Keep the sheeple in a perpetual state of adolescence, with the "if it feels good do it" mentality, make gubmint their only safety net, make personal responsibility shunned, a thing for kook right wingers and bible-thumpers, and voila, herd controlled. They'll follow the jackboots right to the gas chambers if they're promised some Obamastash money.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 6:57PM
You're obviously still in high school.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:27PM
Molly: you obviously are a twat.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:05PM
And you admit to being a tool. Cool.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:11PM
PK: sounds reasonable to me. I don't like bullies, and now that I have money, I just tell people that I'm a rich bastard who likes to hurt people and I will pay the money to the attorney to turn their lives into a living hell.
I live in the country and homeschool my kids because the public schools don't care about my kids education as much as my wife and I do. Few teachers graduate magna cum laude or summa cum laude.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:27PM
Sorry: "my kids' education."
PolishKnight| 4.27.12 @ 10:30AM
I never understood the idea that kids beating up on each other is just "having fun" or "working things out". It's even joked about in The Simpsons or South Park and I'm a bit shocked.
If someone physically attacks me or my kids, I'm simply reporting it. It's not prison so it's not snitching. I don't expect my kids, or me, to learn how to make a "shank" and "shiv" them back in the schoolyard. If a parent has a kid that's physically bullying other kids or following them around and harassing them, they should be notified either to take corrective action, or if the parents think it's ok, learn a lesson themselves as their kid is suspended or has juvee charges filed against them.
My friend who got the lawyer didn't pay a lot apparently since she the lawyer got her a settlement to send her daughter to private school and it was a lot better for her. Win-win.
Not Special Ops Bill| 4.23.12 @ 3:09PM
I doubt that story because a REAL bully would have carried his oppression on by getting mad that people could see his subject's humor, and would think that people were laughing at HIM, and then there would have been blood on the playground.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:39AM
You see parallels in liberals' opposition to "Stand Your Ground" laws. In their strongholds, they even legislate that you have to run away, even from your own house, rather than confront aggressors. We all know that law-abiding citizen will use the protection of "Stand Your Ground" appropriately, but to liberals, everyone is a potential criminal, even if you're only defending yourself from someone else.
All American American| 4.23.12 @ 1:16PM
I remember getting bullied a bit back in grade school, in the 70s. Back then I was one of the few fat kids and we called it "getting picked on," not bullying. Anyone one fine Fall day during outdoor recess one of the kids got a little too close and WHAM, clothesline to the neck. He was down for the count, hyperventilating and crying little bully tears and the rest of them stood mouths agape, looking at me in horror. Was one of the best days of my young life up to that point. After that, no more bullying, at least directed TOWARDS me, haha!
Anyway if you think about it I think this whole "bully" phenomena is one more indoctrination tactic. Look, a kid gets bullied, kid complains to the "authorities," the school admin, the authorities can and most times do nothing, so kid has to learn to "take it," because if he fights back, HE'S seen as the one with the behavioral or violence problem, not the bullies.
How is that any different than how gubmint, the biggest bully of them all, treats average Americans, every day? Bullies them, threatens them, takes from them, imprisons them, and where can we go for relief? But if an average American were to try and fight back, the bully's complicit media would label them a kook, or a violent domestic terrorist, or a right-wing constitutional extremist, or whatever.
On these very pages last week we read about federal jackboots bullying farmers into killing their own livestock. Before that it was bullying a dairy farmer for essentially engaging in commerce without the bully gubmint's permission. What if one of those farmers put a few bullets in a few jackboots' heads? Would we have applauded, or become part of the herd who see the person fighting back, the person simply fighting for his own survival and rights as a human being, as the "problem?"
Cloudbuster | 4.23.12 @ 4:32PM
"because if he fights back, HE'S seen as the one with the behavioral or violence problem, not the bullies."
This is very true. We pulled my younger son out of his high school and sent him elsewhere when we found he was getting bulled and then getting blamed for his reaction to it.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:12PM
You forgot to stomp his balls in, AAA.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:14PM
I tell my adolescent patients who are bullied that the scum they are dealing with in public school will generally go away once they enter college (generally true---there are some in college, but fewer, and as they are adults, one can make legal trouble for them). But what I stress is that as soon as they turn 18, they can arrange to never see these vermin again. I know that's what I did, and I'm so much happier for it.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:43AM
It is important that they know they can do something about it. Unfortunately, you still get college students killed from hazing gone too far, from initiation to outright bullying. And since they have been so desensitized to bully violence in high school, they don't resist.
All American American| 4.23.12 @ 7:49PM
It was funny and to this day, 35 years later, I still remember it. To give yo a visual think of the old King Kong movie, when Kong was on the tower swatting at the bi-planes. I was Kong, and the little dweebs would run close to me and yell nasty stuff, then run away. Well, the little f@gg0t I got was like the bi-plane in Kong who got too close. Down he went. I was too young to think of stomping his pelotas, haha!
sickoftalking| 4.23.12 @ 2:39PM
I appreciate the editorial, except for the implication that if you do not stand up against people picking on you, you will inevitably be so morally worn down you will kill yourself.
Its shouldn't be about some feel good idea of being a "better person", but about realizing some things in life don't matter and the bullies "know not what they do."
If you can effectively stand up against bullies without becoming a bully yourself of course there's nothing wrong with that, but there's no guarantee someone will have that opportunity; and if they don't, they should understand killing themselves should not be the inevitable result. If you give a kid a spiritual perspective on life, that is a good thing too.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:45AM
To be fair, all the stories are taken out of the Bully movie. The Bully movie wants to push that message to try and scare parents and educators to do something about bullying, without thinking about what message it might actually send to kids being bullied.
Not Special Ops Bill| 4.23.12 @ 2:46PM
In these sad latter days, our school leaders and some parents have lost the ability to make the distinction between acting as an oppressor and fighting back against the oppressor.
Considering that everybody knows about operant conditioning, you would think that poke in the snoot to bully is a good thing and teaches him that acting like a lout is not rewarding (at least not with regard to the kid who let him have it). But I guess that's too nuanced.
Another thing I would do is once an act of bullying was reported to me, my kid would be immediately enrolled in a martial arts class.
Joseph Konwinski| 4.23.12 @ 2:48PM
In my adolescence, I was confronted by a bully, the terror of our suburbia. As fear began to paralyze me, I planted a stiff right jab into his midsection. He collapsed sobbing and never bothered me again.
The Big E| 4.23.12 @ 3:24PM
The world is, and always has, been run primarily by bullies. In response, you have two choices. You can stand up to them, fight for your own dignity, and hopefully the dignity of others, or you can surrender your dignity and submit to their power out of fear.
Any other "choice" is a delusion.
BlitheBunny| 4.23.12 @ 3:45PM
Growing up I lived next door to the neighborhood bully. For years my little brother and I put up with his abuse. One day he threatened serious bodily harm to my brother, so I stood infront of my brother and got one of those plastic jumping ropes and started swinging it very fast. The bully didn't believe that I'd actually hit him with it so he came at me and I whollaped him good, sent him home crying to his Mom.
Bullying happens everywhere in different ways to everyone. There are different levels too. I'm not condoning it but it's how we learn to stand up for ourselves. We learn to not let people walk all over us.
I will not be sending my kids to public schools. I don't want them punished for doing the right thing, while the wrong-doer is let free. Not going to happen.
HALOMan| 4.23.12 @ 4:09PM
While I was never the victim of bullying, I always tried to defend those that were bullied. I remember all too often telling a bully "pick on someone your own size' while looking skyward at said bully. I usually got my a$$ handed to me (the bully got the win, but he had to pay for it), but the bully left the little kid alone and didn't feel the need for a repeat performance with me.
Moral; someone needs to stand-up to the bully. Either the victim or someone with moral courage.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:48AM
It should the the teachers or an adult with authority that enforces order in schools, not kids. If kids have to defend themselves, so be it, but if anyone needs to stand up to the bully, it's the teachers and administrators whose duties it is to make school a learning environment.
albert constantine jr.| 4.23.12 @ 4:15PM
When I was in high school, a pair of other lads decided that they wished to taunt me one day. I ignored it, and they continued a second day. After that class, I waited for the pair to separate, than confronted each individually physically. Both got very apologetic, and never bothered me again. I got along fine with both of them after that, and even occasionally associated with them in college when I saw them. Both are dead now, and it never came up why they ever started to try to bully me. It was always very clear to me, though, why they stopped.
Jim Shawley| 4.23.12 @ 4:17PM
Her name was Lee Ann, and back in the day we walked to and from school. Lee Ann and I happened to be walking together, strictly coincidental; Mike, another classmate, was a few dozen feet behind us, and started the usual fifth-grader taunts, including, "Jim and Lee Ann, sittin' in a tree..."
It was irritating to her, and so I, allergic as I was to fighting (I always came out the loser) had enough; a few swings of the fists later, and my older brother's friends had to drag me off Mike.
A few days later at lunch at the local greasy spoon (yes, we could leave campus, even in elementary school!), Mike comes in, sits beside me at the counter, and apologizes. We were close friends from that day on. And I grew up a little.
This is now a prohibited exercise, this standing up for the right. Apparently, standing up for the right, against all bullies, is morally equivalent to being a bully. Thank you, modern culture, for the life lesson.
Sigh.
Mutt the Hoople| 4.23.12 @ 5:02PM
What's the big deal with all these crybabies whining about "being bullied"? The kids I bullied in Junior High and High School all turned out to be fine people.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:28PM
LOL - I know - WTF - is this like group therapy or something equally as dorkus? I was popular and my life just gets better and better. But then again, I'm not a whiner. Oh boo hoo little bullibees.
Vern Crisler| 4.23.12 @ 5:56PM
I'm not sure why everyone feels the need to tell their own bullying story, which is usually a replay of the Rambo movie.
God did not allow David to build the Temple because David had blood on his hands. Only a man of peace named Solomon, David's son, was allowed to build the Temple of God.
Isn't it better to teach children to be like Solomon? Bullying is not a problem with children; it's a problem with the school administration, its negligence, its incompetence, and its unwillingness to impose strict discipline on fighting or bullying in school.
Better adults are what we need, not calls for Rambo-like punching out of bullies, some of whom are thugs and gang-members, auditioning to be hired by drug cartels.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:52AM
Exactly, we need to avoid an environment where kids feel they have to be on the alert and get ready to deck any bully. It's not a free-for-all, it's a freakin' school. Kids need to go there to learn, and actually learn so they don't grow up to achieve nothing and mindlessly take from the government.
Vern Crisler | 4.24.12 @ 2:37AM
Dittos Bob.
Petronius| 4.23.12 @ 6:14PM
Culture is a herd thing. A kid gets bullied for two reasons, weakness, and non conformity. The bully gets a pass from school authorities because he is really doing what they want done, making the weenie one of them, or running him out. Well now the shoe is on the weenie's foot and they want to weaken the strong because they'll never man up. As a result that mentality has taken our armed services down to the magnitude of hall monitors with M16's. There are still real men in this country waiting for the crash to come and the government to fall. The current President is a Socialist. The next could be a war lord.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:31PM
You had me until "President is a Socialist" proving you don't know what a socialist is. Kinda turned me on at first though.
Petronius| 4.24.12 @ 12:11AM
I left out Leveler, Charlatan, Criminal, and Oath Breaker. I was late for high tea.
Winghunter| 4.28.12 @ 1:55AM
Will MSM Report on Obama Membership in Socialist New Party? http://bit.ly/4waJ63
Molly McGee| 4.28.12 @ 5:30PM
LOL ! That is such BS - Wahahahahaha! You guys will believe ANYTHING!
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 7:03PM
For all you over-protective parents deciding to home-school... you will stunt and deny a normal part of growing up.
Let them live their own lives and stop trying to live through them.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:24PM
Molly---fuck off. I mean it, sincerely. I'm a board certified psychiatrist with extensive experience working with adolescents and young adults; you, on the other hand, are an ignorant twat.
My kids get plenty of socialization, are learning better with a smarter teacher (my wife is a summa cum laude graduate in Accounting from Alabama and I got my MD at age 25 and was an instructor in psychiatry at U of Alabama School of Medicine---no combination of teachers is going to equal that), they get plenty of socialization with other kids, and NO ONE socially promotes them without them learning something. I pulled them out because I didn't want them writing essays on the greatness of Barack Obama (an actual assignment was "what does Obama's election mean to you") and because they were doing too many parties at school and not enough pedagogy.
You are full of shit and are an ignorant moron. My getting bullied in school created anxiety which was uncomfortable and interfered with my learning process, which is why I only won $40 K in scholarships in 1980 instead of what I should have done.
My kids were BOTH in public schools before being pulled out. Each year they are asked if they wish to continue homeschool, and each year they say yes. Gives them more time for play, field trips, playing chess, swimming, horseback riding, and lets them cover the material both more quickly and in greater depth.
The abscence of morons is useful for bright kids. But, since you ARE a moron, you don't know this.
All American American| 4.23.12 @ 7:50PM
Amen to that OT!
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:18PM
Ewwww Tool-boy. Me thinks you're a bully! If you're a psychiatrist, I'm Mitt Romney. Well, I can see you working at Fort Hood... with how calm and well-adjusted you behave. You received your MD at 25... How? Did you graduate high school at 14? LOL! Screw your kids up - like I care. With a dickmouth daddy like you, they'll need therapy.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:34PM
Oh, A L A B A M A ... now I get it.
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:56AM
Typical liberal, resorting to personal attacks after being laid bare by the facts. Of course, to a liberal, raising your kids to be successful adults is in fact "screwing them up". If they don't learn to conform and be good little servants, there must be something wrong with them, right?
You angry because the last Van Jones rally wouldn't let you through the door?
Molly McGee| 4.24.12 @ 1:10AM
Oh bobbie, little bobbie... did you even read the good doctor's comment to me? Of course not, when you accuse ME of personal attacks but say nothing of psycho dad.
Repukes are so, so dependably thick.
Winghunter| 4.28.12 @ 1:31AM
Forensic Psychiatrist Explains the Madness of (Modern) Liberalism http://t.co/zoDKXZt
“...The degree of modern liberalism’s irrationality far exceeds any misunderstanding that can be attributed to faulty fact gathering or logical error. Indeed, under careful scrutiny, liberalism’s distortions of the normal ability to reason can only be understood as the product of psychopathology. So extravagant are the patterns of thinking, emoting, behaving and relating that characterize the liberal mind that its relentless protests and demands become understandable only as disorders of the psyche. The modern liberal mind, its distorted perceptions and its destructive agenda are the product of disturbed personalities...”
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 12:54AM
Yes, because they really want their kids to sit around waiting for government checks when they're adults instead of being successful and leading instead of being led.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.12 @ 7:26PM
Sorry--"absence." Moron and twat, however, are correct. My child psychiatry training was at UCLA, incidentally. NPI.
Paul Petersen | 4.23.12 @ 7:52PM
My school bully exterminated himself drunk in his pickup truck on utility pole. Never shed a tear for him.
The most sinister policy in schools is the zero tolerence polices in schools on fighting. A perfectly normal good kids gets bullied to the point of striking back. The victim gets the same punishment as the bully. School administrators are the biggest cowards for not making hard choices and bringing down the thunder on bullies and their parents who they pry learned if from in the first place.
Homeschooling in a no-brainer if you truly love your kids. Socialization is the biggest crock the fundamental problem for schools is too much socialization in school.
Molly McGee| 4.23.12 @ 9:21PM
What a freak'n pity party ya got going here. So you were all bullied... so what? Snap out of it! You're grown-ups now, aren't you?
Charles Martel| 4.23.12 @ 9:40PM
Zero tolerance policies in schools enable bullies.
Most schools need a "Stand your ground" policy rather than a "you don't have the right to self-defense policy". Sure, kids who start fights should be punished, but those who block punch or punch back should not get the same punishment as a matter of "fairness"!
Should we be teaching kids to be dependent on governmental authority or capable of being independent?
Pelleas| 4.23.12 @ 9:47PM
This says it better then I can
http://siouxcityjournal.com/ne.....13a22.html
John Mueller| 4.23.12 @ 11:36PM
Your comment:
"This is only a slightly less sophisticated outlook on things from that of Ty's dad, Kirk, who lives in a house filled with the stuffed heads of slaughtered deer, mounted on the walls, and who, while claiming to be a "nobody" himself, professes to believe that 'If this had happened to a politician's kid, there would be a law tomorrow.'
Not sure the meaning of this statement. I know many intelligent sophisicated thinkers that have mounted animals on their walls. If you are anti-hunting just say so because the statement does not support your thesis. I am a hunter and I do not ever "disrespect" an animal by displaying it's head but I also do not use displayed taxidermy as an indication of sophistication
With respect.
John Mueller
Eric| 4.23.12 @ 11:43PM
I was bullied all through junior high school. It stopped when I beat the crap of the the guy who was terrorizing me (I did it in the school library) nobody ever bothered me again. Bullies live on fear. Fight back and they turn into pussies. I didn't get into trouble because the vice principal gave me permission to beat him up. The kid was well known for being an A**hole.
charles794| 4.24.12 @ 12:07AM
When about 13 I used to be bullied for several months by three classmates. Then I read How green was my valley, that told me how to deal with a bully. I used the method, not with my boxing skills as suggested in the book, but with a good stick: I beat the three bullies trying to beat me after school. Next day their parents came to school, complaining that their little angels were being bullied...
Pelleas| 4.24.12 @ 12:13AM
I'm not quite sure how the notion of "home-schooling (which,I must confess to finding a horrific idea ,itself) solves the issue of bullying--unless one ,in addition to keeping their children out of the normal social interactions of the school-day ALSO keeps their kids away from others, until they are ready to fly the coop.
How about the "home-schooled" child, who still, for some reason or other, is still perceived as as "different " (for any number of reasons)- and therefore considered "fair -game"?--and doesn't even then have the semblance of protection-either from a school-mate, or teacher?
Bob S| 4.24.12 @ 1:00AM
What is the benefit of keeping them in the "normal" social interactions of school anyway? So that love for liberals is constantly reinforced in their social circles? So that they learn to conform and never to rise above everyone else? Is a toxic school environment really helping anyone?
Meanwhile, the home-schooled kids are actually getting an education. Only to liberals is an actual education "horrific", because it teaches kids to think for themselves instead of swallowing the Democrat party line without question. And have you talked to anyone who home-schools? The parents do not keep their kids away from others, they just keep their kids away from a toxic environment that does not promote learning.
Molly McGee| 4.24.12 @ 1:14AM
OMG! You certainly swallowed the tea - back and all.
Molly McGee| 4.24.12 @ 1:14AM
bag not back
Pelleas| 4.24.12 @ 8:17AM
the " benefit" of keeping them in Public School IS-- those are the schools which MUST be maintained for the vast majority of the citzenry. in this Country, whether YOU like it or not....
Winghunter| 4.24.12 @ 12:57AM
The anti-bullying campaign was started by the radical sexual deviant activist Kevin Jennings http://www.teapartynation.com/.....share_post
Pelleas| 4.24.12 @ 8:13AM
Actually...
Kevin Jennings is --GAY-- but NOT A DEVIANT..
Winghunter| 4.28.12 @ 1:28AM
DEVIANT sexual acts are d-e-v-i-a-n-t !
Sharon Beth Long| 4.24.12 @ 2:10AM
Twelve years ago I had a boyfriend who was badly bullied in elementary school. Fifty years later he could not sit in a table in a restaurant next to a table which had patrons who reminded him of the boys who had bullied him. To me he was didactic and critical. He also held grudges forever and was a little paranoid. Tired of his angry criticism I began tuning him out and he eventually dumped me, to my relief because he said that my ignoring his angry remarks was a form of disrespect and dismissal. He is now over seventy, without intimacy, a very lonely and embittered man. He had a fine family and I believe that the problems he has as an adult are largely related to the bullying. I hope the bullied kids today have a better fate
POST American| 4.24.12 @ 2:37AM
--------------------BOTTOM LINE----------------------
'90's Show' SAP OP at the service of
the capstone cultural takedown 'age-enda'.
Those in the 'know----A' are well
aware the current breaking action
from our good friends at Tavistock
and Standford Research are working
overtime to promote and get going
the next round, beyond sodomy,
---'INTER-generational sex'.
With such stories being regularly
highlighted on yahoo news no less,
---these themes and this programming is
now being obviuosly being ramped up and psychically driven into the 'cull-chore'.
"Understand, back in the 1920's, no
less a figure than Bertrand Russell
(--to say nothing of Bernays and Pavlov)
were given special, private chartered schools
in which sex of every kind was promoted
for students of all ages. They realized that
children and the underaged who were sexualized
early would NEVER bond later in life
---would NEVER be able to have families.
They had discovered EUGENISTS gold!"
-Informed online
In short, even beyond sodomy and
the routine (--or is it ritual?) X-termination
of the unborn ----this IS the gold standard
for social destruction.
"When your time comes
---------------WHAT WILL YOU DO?"
-'IKIRU'
(1952 film)
Clearly OUR time is running out.
Hence-------------------OUR TIME IS HERE. . .
P.Smith| 4.24.12 @ 8:28AM
3rd grade Catholic school early 60s; bully did not relinquish swing after his 100 swings; line in sand-bully vs. me; near tie, bully 1 me 1/2. Got to stand up, no more bullying or overcounts.
Today: Breed out positive aggression, don't fight back, call somebody. 5th anniversary of Virginia Tech Massacre.... no dodge ball in school, no positive aggression, no standing up to bullies. Let government and administration do it because too many lawyers. Office bullies-mediation even when obvious that office bullies exist without common sense decision making. Don't upset the 'system'; the system is broke and it is time to take it back...
Trebuchet| 4.24.12 @ 9:05AM
When I was in High School (mid 60's) the toughest kid in our school began to pick on me and one day announced to me and everyone else that he would kick my behind Friday after school. Well I knew what I had to do. I went down to the Pool Hall after school where a guy named "Dirty Red" hung out. Red was a drop out and an incorrigible and a street fighter. I walked up to Red and introduced myself. “What do want punk?” Red spewed. I told Red that someone at school had threatened to kick my behind after school Friday and I wondered if I were to give him 20 bucks would he beat the guy up for me. Red asked who the kid was and I told him. Reds face turned, well, red, and he said he hated that guy and would love the chance to beat him up. So I gave Red the 20 bucks (which was my lunch money for the week) and waited till Friday. Friday after school I walked out to the parking lot where a crowd had already formed to watch me get my behind kicked and there was the kid waiting for me, but no sign of Red. The kid started towards me yelling obscenities about my mother and I dropped my books, I figured no sense running, I’d just get beat up another day so might as well go down swinging. Out of nowhere, Red comes running across the lot, up the back of a car and jumps off the hood knocking this kid flat and proceeds to wail on him till the kid gives in. Red walks over to me and says, “Is that worth another 20?” “I’ve only got 10”, I said. Red took the 10 and said to bring him the other 10 tomorrow at the Pool Hall and he ran off. I picked up my books and stood there waiting for the bus. Everyone was staring at me and the kids friends gathered him up and hauled him away. Red decided I was OK and taught me how to play pool and would even ask for my advice once in awhile. Red joined the Marines and became a Division Boxing Champ and even had a few pro bouts. Last I heard he had moved to Reno and become a trainer for a gym that Angelo Dundee would send some of his young prospects to for training. As for the bully, I heard he’s a big wig in the SEIU. So anyway, the point of the story is that I was never bothered by that guy or anyone else in High School again and the reason was is that in my own way I stood up for myself. As for me I became a manager for a large company and was known for my ability to delegate.
Alan| 4.24.12 @ 12:44PM
When I was in Junior High the Senior high was in the same building. There were two sets of rest rooms of which the High School bullies claimed one as their own. While on the toilet one day in the forbidden rest room the bully gang came in looking for someone to dunk in the sink. One of them looked over the top of the door and saw it was me and plugged up the sink so as to give me a good dunking. I was prepared to wait them out and be late to class, realizing this they decided to start spitting on me over the door. I could see them in the mirror and timing it just right smacked the next one in the face with a “brown trout” freshly fished from the toilet bowl. Taking advantage of the confusion I flung the door open and pushed two of them into the sink they had prepared for me and made my escape.
I can’t say that ended the bullying but it raised the stakes for messing with me considerably.
TR Graham| 4.24.12 @ 5:25PM
I often wonder in this "modern age" when the very natural reaction called pain ceased to be a useful learning tool...touch a hot stove, you learn not to do that...cut yourself with a knife, you learn not to do that...bully someone and get punched out, you learn not to do that...
Pain gives a person a life-lesson on what limits are and teaches respect.
Jessica Naomi| 4.29.12 @ 12:49PM
Assault is against the law inside and outside of schools. Just because Weinstein & Company decided to cash in on the pain of children who were assaulted while school administrators stood by and did nothing, and use the child-play word BULLY to do that does not change the fact that ASSAULT Is a CRIME
Parents whose children are being attacked need to go to every school board meeting and demand that the thug beating their kid is arrested and expelled.
Do you really want your children going to school with violent felons?
Oh & if you are the parent with the thug attacking other kids, you should be arrested.