There have always been folks like that. There always
have been folks who are the naysayers and don’t believe in the
future, and don’t believe in trying to do things
differently. One of my predecessors, Rutherford B. Hayes,
reportedly said about the telephone, “It’s a great invention, but
who would ever want to use one” That’s why he’s not on Mt. Rushmore
because he’s looking backwards. He’s not looking
forwards. He’s explaining why we can’t do something, instead
of why we can do something.
— President
Obama
Excerpt from a
Speech on Energy
Prince
George’s Community College in Largo,
Maryland
March 15, 2012
Well, President Obama’s characterization of the 19th
President of the United States as a Luddite couldn’t have been
further from the truth. According to
Nancy Kleinhenz of the Rutherford B. Hayes Presidential Center
in Fremont, Ohio, Hayes “was very technologically savvy.” Kleinhenz
went on to say, “He was a person that was very avant-garde, not
only in his acceptance of technology but in every aspect of his
life. His attitudes were opposite to many respects of what was
standard for a man of his time.” Not only was Hayes the first
President to use a telephone in the White House, he was also the
first Commander-in-Chief to use a typewriter, a phonograph and even
recorded his voice on Thomas Edison’s gramophone. While there were
certainly people in the 1870s who looked backwards with regard to
these innovations, President Hayes wasn’t amongst them.
When I first read that President Obama had made this
gaffe, my first thought was that he don’t know much about history.
Obama certainly don’t know much about geography as evidenced by his
claim
during the 2008 campaign that he had visited “57 states with one to
go.” More recently, during the APEC summit in Hawaii last November,
President Obama spoke about
meeting world leaders “here in Asia” despite standing in the state
in which he was born. President Obama might not claim to be an A
student, although it would be nice to see those academic transcripts from
Occidental College.
My second thought was that President Obama has his agenda
to advance and neither knew nor cared if President Hayes had
actually made those remarks. The same could be said for Obama’s
speechwriters. If besmirching a predecessor is what it takes for
the Obama Administration to impose its policies, then so be it.
After all, why let the facts get in the way of an applause line? It
is de rigueur for the Obama Administration to take cheap
shots at Republican Presidents regardless of the century in which
they served.
My third thought concerns President Obama’s lofty opinion
of himself. President Obama claimed President Hayes isn’t on Mount
Rushmore because he looked backwards instead of forwards. I think
it is fairly safe to say that President Obama fancies himself a
forward-thinking person. I also think it is fairly safe to say that
President Obama also thinks his face should be added to Mount
Rushmore regardless of whether he is re-elected in November. His
supporters no doubt believe billions in federal funds should be
allocated to carve out a spot to the left of George Washington, be
it Newsweek editor Evan Thomas, who in June 2009 likened him to the
Almighty. Surely filmmaker Davis Guggenheim would second Thomas’s
motion. After all, Guggenheim struggles to find any fault with The
Anointed One save for having “too many
accomplishments.” Is it any wonder that Team Obama tapped
Guggenheim to make a campaign film?
Yet come to think of it, President Obama might not want a
spot on Rushmore. That would mean sharing the spotlight with
Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt. It would mean
someone would have to dress up as Obama to race during the fourth
inning of every Washington Nationals home game, all but
guaranteeing Teddy Roosevelt
never wins a race after being knee capped by union thugs. Of
course, Obama would have to lose a race now and again, even if Eric
Holder threatened to launch a federal investigation. Nah, President
Obama would prefer a monument all to himself. But it would have to
be really big, because not even the Grand Canyon could contain his
ego.
So how do we best pay tribute to the 44th President? It
would have to be something both manmade and interactive like an
elaborate piece of conceptual art. The entrance is surrounded by
Greek columns that are about to go under at any moment. It is a
guarded by a mechanical white elephant that bows and apologizes.
The white elephant overlooks a moat full of algae and alligators.
The roof is covered with half a billion dollars worth of unsold
solar panels. The solar panels cover a garage full of Chevy Volts
that won’t start.
At the very rear of the garage there is a flight of stairs
that you are mandated to run up. You arrive at a podium and in
front of you there is a streaming video of adoring fans, many of
whom begin to faint. Teleprompters can be found on either side of
the video screen. A set of buttons on the podium instructs you to
choose amongst Obama speeches, including his address to the 2004
DNC, his 2009 inauguration address, and even his speech that
ridiculed President Hayes.
You then pick a speech and recite it as if you were
playing Guitar Hero. However, be very careful to speak
with the correct cadence. Because if you don’t drop your g’s when
addressing the Congressional Black Caucus, you fall through a trap
door and land hard in an uncomfortable chair. When you turn around,
you come face to face with a death panel ready to render a
pre-determined judgment. I cannot think of a more fitting monument
to President Obama.
