The American Spectator : Foster Friess' Joke

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Foster Friess' Joke

By R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. on 2.23.12 @ 6:09AM

How Satanic of him, those of the fevered brow said.

WASHINGTON -- There is another horripilation on the campaign trail. Someone has told a joke that has roused the virtue police. I am speaking of the virtue police, who are working for the grim forces of political correctitude. They do not find the joke very funny. The jokester is a supporter of Rick Santorum, and now he too is on the hot seat for it.

Late last week his supporter, the amiable Foster Friess, perpetrated the joke. It went like this. "You know, back in my days, they'd use Bayer aspirin for contraceptives," the easygoing multi-millionaire philanthropist told MSNBC. "The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly." Kaboom -- all hell broke loose. According to the Washington Post, "the remark outraged women's groups and many others." Who would those "many others" be? Democrat campaign strategists? Stockholders in Bayer aspirin? Actually, I have not found anyone whom I know who gave the joke a second's thought, and my confreres include members of the Concerned Women for America, scores of fellow bird watchers, and many people who use Bayer aspirin every day, particularly after reading the Washington Post.

Actually, the Post would be on firmer ground if it had spoken merely of "some women's groups." And let me add that even the complaints cited were pretty lame. I heard on CNN Friday some feminists gassing on about Friess' joke, and they brought up Santorum's response to it. Santorum said that it was a "bad joke" but that he was "not responsible for it….that is 'gotcha'" politics. Well, it is preposterous "gotcha" politics. One of CNN's feminists went on to say it was time for Santorum to "put on his big boy pants." How cruel and insensitive is that! Since when do women remark on a man's pants? What if Santorum cannot afford to buy a pair of "big boy" pants?

Then the Democrats pivoted from Friess' joke to the question of contraception. They are going to make an issue in this campaign of contraception! Allegedly the Republicans are against contraception. Truth be known, I cannot recall any election ever in American history that revolved around the issue of contraception. If the Democrats are going to continue at this infantile level, I would respond by accusing them of wanting to outlaw the passenger car in favor of returning America to the era of the buckboard. "Why, Mr. Obama, do you want us to return to the horse and buggy?" There is plenty of evidence that leading Democrats hate the passenger car. What is all this talk about bullet trains and mass transportation, if not a not-so-subtle call for the return of the horse and buggy?

Yet to return to the matter of Friess' so-called bad joke, I think I first heard it decades ago. As I recall, it was rather amusing then but not a knee slapper. If it left women fuming I never noticed. The joke did not have a long life. Now it is hurtful and cruel, so the women of the fevered brow tell us, while commenting on Santorum's pants. Friess has amusingly noted on his blog: "To all those who took my joke as a modern day approach I deeply apologize and seek your forgiveness. My wife constantly tells me I need new material -- she understood the joke but didn't like it anyway -- so I will keep that old one in the past where it belongs." "Seek your forgiveness"? I think he is again joshing us.

Foster Friess is an interesting man. He has spent millions of dollars around the world in disaster relief: in water projects in Malawi, in the Indonesian tsunami, in the 2010 Haitian earthquake. He has won dozens of awards for his philanthropy. In politics too he has been active. Now he is a major backer of Santorum. In 2008 he thought that the social issues got short shrift and so he invested his own money to allow those who articulate them a say in the public debate. He is a Christian and thinks that people of faith have much to offer the public discourse. I do too. Santorum's presence in this campaign is one of the campaign's surprises. He is making a race of it, and the rumor in Washington is that Obama is getting ready. Soon he may have to defend his position on the bullet train and his opposition to the passenger car. I should like to grill him on it and raise the question, "Mr. President, why are you so enamored of the horse and buggy? Do you think they are safe? Who will clean up the streets?"

In the meantime I am reassured that Friess is going to remain amiable. Someone has got to hazard a joke during Campaign 2012. It is the civilized thing to do, even if the women of the fevered brow want to talk about Rick Santorum's pants.

About the Author

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief of The American Spectator. He is the author of the forthcoming The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: the Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn't Work: Social Democracy's Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives' Road to Recovery.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (69) | Leave a comment

Mike Hawk| 2.23.12 @ 6:22AM

People need to quit looking for things to be offended by. As a youth, I remember that little quip very well. Of course that was when birth control pills first hit the market and pregnancy was not yet a disease to be cured by killing the fetus. I heard that comment many times. It was a favorite line of my late sister, God rest her soul. THe civility police need to get some perspective or go take a couple aspirin for their apoplexy.

Alan Brooks| 2.23.12 @ 9:42AM

Satanic?
Satan can come as an angel of light, so can the Beast.
Perhaps Reagan was the Beast?:
Ronald= 6
Wilson= 6
Reagan= 6

Von Mises Jr.| 2.23.12 @ 10:19AM

Alan, are you the son of David Brooks who is fixated on Obama's pants?
See you liberals (read socialist) cannot think clearly and always staring off into space, or navel gazing. Liberals are the kings of obscure non sequitur.

Alan Brooks| 2.23.12 @ 10:47AM

Then why does the founder of AS bring up Satan?:

QUOTE How Satanic of him, those of the fevered brow said UNQUOTE

Alan Brooks| 2.23.12 @ 10:51AM

...Satan is like fascism:
anyone we don't like is Satanic or a fascist.

Von Mises Jr.| 2.23.12 @ 12:09PM

alan, it is the left that uses ad hominem attacks and tries to use political correctness to shut people up. I use words with clear meaning and make my arguments logically. I think we are talking over your head?

Scott| 2.23.12 @ 3:03PM

Sure, because Righties NEVER uses ad hominem attacks! LOL@Von!!!

Von Mises Jr.| 2.23.12 @ 3:13PM

I make fun of your troll friends stupid names, but I argue on issues. Is it not true that David Brooks bragged about admiring Obama's crouch? Do you know what a non sequitur is?

Scott| 2.23.12 @ 3:11PM

"it is the left that uses ad hominem attacks" says Von further down this chain.

Von, you just called liberals socialists, dumb and weird. How is that not an ad hominem attack?

Robert| 2.25.12 @ 1:17PM

It is not ad hominem. It is ad nominem. Von Mises Jr. directed his dagger at a title - "liberals" (nominem), not a person (hominem). That's how, Soctt.

Dennis| 2.27.12 @ 11:31AM

Robert, I am sure that Scott is still scratching his head over that one!

Henry Calvin| 2.23.12 @ 10:45PM

When my daughters started to date, my wife and I sat them with each of them and gave them the "talk". We have cattle and horses so the "talk" was not too long. The one thing I told each of them at the end to ease the tension , was when they were out on a date and things began to heat up, take a quarter and put it on one knee and hold the quarter in place with the back of the other knee. It has become a family joke, no grandchildren out of wedlock, and all daughters are happily married.

Brian Mc| 2.23.12 @ 6:41AM

Our moral and spiritual decay runs rampant. But, that's OK, we're physically elated. Yay! Free rubbers for everyone! Happy days are here, again! Thank you liberals for, once again, saving us from ruin fostered by those evil Republicans.

Appleby| 2.23.12 @ 6:47AM

That was a well-known joke in Bible College back in 1967. And my Jewish friends would tell the one about the newlyweds who went to the rabbi to ask about birth control and were advised, "Eat an apple." When the groom ventured, "Before or after, Rabbi?" the answer was "Instead." Har de har har. Back when people didn't run around yelling Poo Poo Head just to make Mommy angry, that was about as risque as public jokes about such matters got.

Could we get back to talking about ANYTHING except sex? Please?

Alan Brooks| 2.23.12 @ 9:44AM

Appleby, some people like sex a great deal because they are not old and ugly, as you are.

Fredx| 2.23.12 @ 10:04AM

I thought you looked familiar!

Alan Brooks| 2.23.12 @ 10:49AM

Perhaps that makes three of us-- but I'm not a woman so my looks do not matter as much.
As for you, Fred?- you tell me.

loulou| 2.23.12 @ 11:02AM

Oh please, I'm sure you're way better groomed than most women. And have good posture.

Anthony M| 2.23.12 @ 9:05PM

Come on Alan, who told you you weren't a woman?

Jim | 2.23.12 @ 12:53PM

There you are, ladies and gentlement. If you disagree with a liberal, you are to be mocked and insulted, even if the mocker has never met you, knows not what you look like, etc. Apparently, liberalism's long-time patina of compassion is a fiction. Can you imagine RR being this puerile? Mr. Brooks, if you know the Bible so well as to tab RR for Satan, perhaps you have run across the "forgive as you have been forgiven" part? If not, check it out.

Appleby| 2.23.12 @ 6:53PM

I'm the rubber, you're the glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to YOU. Nyah.

Robert| 2.25.12 @ 1:35PM

Scott, your fellow traveler Alan has ipso facto revealed himself as another of the dreaded genus Liberal, the defining chromosomal distinction of which is the ever-ready ad hominem remark.

Sue Smith| 3.15.12 @ 6:06PM

I am a 69yo mother, grand- and great-grandmother of 3, 7, & 1 (respectively). I heard about aspirin as birth control very early on in grade school and especially in high school. It was a not-so-serious way of telling girls that sex outside of marriage was bad, that it could ruin lives and disappoint everyone who cared about (the girl, the boy, and the baby that would ultimately result, given the law of averages and teenage (non)intelligence, in pregnancy, STDs, guilt, and public humiliation. We didn't get our feelings hurt or feel degraded or humiliated. We felt the adult who was telling/reminding/begging us to be careful, mindful of the pitfalls and the humiliation of "kiss-and-tell," and the burdens of taking care of an infant when we were little more than children ourselves. Liberals, get something better to do than waste your time and energies with this pretense of social reformation. You do more harm than good and make yourselves look like the fools. We enjoy a good, fair and balanced, intelligent conversation. The "aspirin as birth control" argument doesn't fit and your "alarm" looks fake.

Clint| 2.23.12 @ 7:01AM

A conservative, a moderate, and a liberal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hi, Mitt!"

Ricky Specter-Santorum Is Our Useful Dupe To A Brokered Convention.

The Tea Party Rebellion Heads To A Brokered Convention.

The Bishop| 2.23.12 @ 8:08AM

Clint, that's the best political joke I've heard this year.

Brian B.| 2.23.12 @ 4:12PM

Here's its counterpart. A communist, a Muslim, and an illegal alien walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President?"

irish19| 2.23.12 @ 9:21AM

Not bad.

c. j. acworth| 2.23.12 @ 7:06AM

Tell the Feminazis to take two aspirin and lie down 'till the fever passes.

MachiasPrivateer| 2.23.12 @ 7:52AM

How ironic is it that the original radical feminists, were also anti-war activists during the Vietnam War, are the very same people who have devalued the epithet, BABYKILLERS?

david| 2.23.12 @ 8:31AM

I think I have the vapors.

Renaissance Nerd| 2.23.12 @ 8:53AM

I thought leftist/liberals/petite fascists loved cruel humor. They have no other kind among themselves, so what's with the objections?

Bob K.| 2.23.12 @ 9:18AM

Ah yes! Mr. Tyrrell,

"The women of the fevered brow!"

It is a phrase that, I believe, appeared first in the earlier "American Spectator," a tabloid published in Indiana. It is one of the many things in that magazine that gave me health reviving belly laughs and it is good to see it being used again!

This irreverence corresponded with the growth of the Conservative Movement in the USA. We need to see more of it!

Von Mises Jr.| 2.23.12 @ 9:19AM

From the looks of our progressive female figures in politics, the last thing they have to worry about is contraception. Now if they outlawed brown paper bags and alcohol, that would be a problem for them. They are mostly two baggers after too many cocktails to count.

Stammon| 2.23.12 @ 9:23AM

They're getting their panties in a bunch with a straw man.

Timothy L. Pennell| 2.23.12 @ 9:34AM

I could be wrong, but aren't these people "LIBERALS" who keep telling us that the Occupy people, who chant "KILL THE COPS", are the good guys? Didn't Nancy Pelosi say: "God bless them"?

"Not, God Bless America. GODDAMN AMERICA!" "America is run by RICH WHITE PEEEEOPLE!"

These outraged people told us NOT to be outraged at those remarks. They told us that it would be wrong to associate Obama's 20 YEARS listening to a BIGOTTED/JEW HATING/AMERICA HATING, Pastor. That was "Guilt by Association", and we don't do that, around here.

I really believe that the time of Watering the Tree of Liberty is growing nearer, lest we be overrun.

I'm just saying.

Petronius| 2.23.12 @ 9:50AM

After all this time one would think the point is moot. These feminists all hate men. So who are they doing it with?

Indiana Alex| 2.23.12 @ 10:01AM

When one has absolutely no substance with which to debate, one must rely on spin, distraction and obfuscation.

Right Brooks?

Fredx| 2.23.12 @ 10:03AM

Just a couple of things. The joke used to involve the girl holding a quarter between her knees, though I realize the price has gone up. Also, it might make the offended ladies feel better to know that holding a birth control pill between your knees works just as well as a Bayer aspirin. Finally, a man holding a Viagra tablet between his own knees will have nearly the same effect. Video to follow.

Peppermint Tea| 2.23.12 @ 10:24AM

Yeah, yeah, Andrea Mitchell and Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the Nags approach birth control as if it actually a problem for them. Andrea can hold a microphone between her knees and Nancy can hold a stock certificate.
Let's bring back John Edwards into the debate. Andrea, ask millionaire Johnny why he and Rielle Hunter couldn't afford a trip to the corner market. Was it because his/her healthcare didn't cover it?

loulou| 2.23.12 @ 11:05AM

It really is a funny joke. Many a truth is said in jest. My daughter had to submit to sex ed in high school. Condoms and cucumbers were passed around but not one word was said about abstinance.

cicero| 2.23.12 @ 11:43AM

The silly season is upon us once again, and it looks like it will be a long one. The Dems cannot run on anything approaching a record, so they and their criers have to invent things to be outraged about.
The old aspirin between the knees comment was always a hoot. It was given as advice to young people as a way of telling them that discipline, not hormones, were supposed to control their lives. The libs have been trying to convince the country, with some great success, that we can't expect the young to exert any control ovedr themselves, and that as a result, they have every right to give in to temptation as soon as it rears its head. But, this is a story line as old as the 60s, if it feels good, do it mantra. I guess the question is alsways, are we better off now, or were better off then?

youfamissim| 2.23.12 @ 12:34PM

The logical answer to Progressive Democrats on is this contraception issue - Why do you hate children?

You wish to prevent their creation with contraceptives. You want abortion laws placed to murder them in, and OUT, of the womb. You want all young boys drugged with Ritalin or other substances to prevent their behaving - like Boys. You encourage the assault upon children to choose a sexual preference when their primary concerns are Barbie and Baseball. You demand they confront adult issues and regurgitate the indoctrinated answers - if they want a good grade. Childhood - to Progressives appears a nuisance age that must be encapsulated and foreshortened. Indeed, why do Progressives Hate children and childhood?

TrueBlue| 2.23.12 @ 3:28PM

Children can't vote, and therefore aren't yet human. That's why the libs hate them so much.

KyMouse| 2.23.12 @ 12:45PM

I remember the joke as being from the same era as "Never stick anything into your ear except your elbow." A silly way to warn people about something serious -- whether it's perforated eardrums or pregnancy (and STDs).

Scott| 2.23.12 @ 3:07PM

Well, except THAT comment doesn't blame society's promiscuity on women and their "open legs." The joke Foster told does.

Appleby| 2.23.12 @ 6:56PM

What would you blame the promiscuity of women on if not their "open legs"? Magic?

spike59| 2.23.12 @ 1:37PM

THIS is what outrages the Left? and they have the nerve to be offended at being called 'wusses?' dear sweet Matilda, my 82 yr old mother's been cracking that gag

Scott| 2.23.12 @ 3:05PM

Ahhh yes, another example of the Right "never" using ad hominems. LOL!!!

J.C.Eaton| 2.24.12 @ 12:27PM

Scott[btw, why don't you have the guts to use your ame?] please learn some Latin, you'll look a bit less stupid when you use it:ad hominen means "to or for the man." It's used against a particular fellow, you know, a truly PERSONAL attack. sort of like the knid liberals foist on, let's see, Foster Friess, Rick Santorum, George W. well, you must be getting the picture. Here's a little ad hominen and latin shot at you: Tu filius lupae est."

Synonymous | 2.23.12 @ 1:47PM

How can a liberal get a joke, when they ARE one?

Old Hat| 2.23.12 @ 1:54PM

Getting in an uproar over an old joke? Some people will stoop to anything to stir up conflict, and sorry, Ladies, we females seem to have that ploy perfected to an art form. Actually the aspirin, or quarter, or whatever between the knees analogy is reinforcing the right of women to say 'No'. Just because a man has the hots doesn't mean she has to throw away her quarters (or aspirin). Telling that joke may have been in poor taste, but who would have even noticed if the feminists hadn't started howling about it? So, Ladies, maybe it is time to shut up instead of publicizing every little faux pas the men may pull. Believe it or not, women are equally guilty of hoof in mouth disease. If men responded as the feminists did, they would all be classified as misogenists. So, Girls, get over it and display a little class.

Brian Richard Allen| 2.23.12 @ 2:16PM

.... Soon he may have to defend his opposition to the passenger car. I should like to ask him why he is so enamored of horses. Does he feel they're safe? "Who will clean up the streets?"

No small problem if we consider that in New York around the turn of the last century there was 2200 tons of horse poo to move - if you'll pardon the (its) expression - every day.

Almost as much as these days emerges from the be-squatters and be-manurers of the public housing projects at 1600 Pennsylvania -- and from their Fascist (formerly "mainstream") Media (and Matters') mates.

Scott| 2.23.12 @ 2:59PM

You're missing the point. The usually unflappable Andrea Mitchell reacted the way she did because that joke/comment hails back to the days when women and their "open legs" were blamed for the rise in promiscuity. It was an old-school, boys-club/locker room joke that was inappropriate for a morning news show.

Appleby| 2.23.12 @ 7:00PM

And it is still told today, because men ALWAYS blame an inconvenient pregnancy on the woman, and she's the one left holding the baby when he heads for the hills; so the one who needs the caution is the woman. Nu?

Skippy| 2.24.12 @ 2:53PM

The joke is accurate and those offended by it are hopeless, humorless drones.
You know, liberals!

Howard| 2.23.12 @ 3:23PM

There are two sets of rules; one for liberals and by extension certain minorities, and one for everyone else. So we are always the target of the left.

scarletworm| 2.23.12 @ 4:28PM

The only problem with Friess joke was that is was a bit old fashioned. I don't think a lot of younger people got it. The media portrayed it as something perverted when it was merely a lesson in common sense. Even more offensive is the left offering us a sacramental birth control pill while the plane is taking a nose dive. I wish people would find that offensive.

Trish| 2.23.12 @ 4:39PM

In my high school days our quip was 'keep it in your pants, Lance!'. I also heard the asperin joke. None of us gave a rip. The left has zero humor unless it is down putting of anyone who speaks against their narrative.

Kingofthenet| 2.23.12 @ 5:24PM

Keep the Church out of Women's vaginas...and little Boy's asses.

Trish| 2.23.12 @ 6:03PM

Keep the government out of the church!

J.C.Eaton| 2.24.12 @ 12:46PM

Once again[is there no surcease?] You win the stupidist post of the day award...though "Scott" is scuffing your heels in hot pursuit.Your stuff is venal, vapid, witless, and uninteresting. It is never imaginative, comical [well, that may not be entirely true. You are a laughingstock and a buffoon, and that's kinda funny].The only net you're king of is the one thrown over you. best,

porno| 2.23.12 @ 7:10PM

The loopholes are the big problem. While many exemptions have the best intentions behind them, a system like ours encourages companies to essentially buy preferentially treatment from Congress.

Richard Baker| 2.23.12 @ 8:22PM

Heard this joke years ago along with the way to stop pregnancy is for women to cross their legs. The femi-nazis, as Rush calls them, are humorless and committed to absolute license in sexual matters. Has this license done the country well or ill? We seem to be totally absorbed as a society in sexual anarchy and look at the result. Without any restraint we have absolute chaos in this regard. This is moral depravity.

Ronald Acenberry| 2.23.12 @ 10:22PM

Emmet,

When you were a teenager listening to boyish tales of SEXUAL adventure in the locker room, the aspirin story was a joke.

When it's a billionaire backer of a presidential candidate repeating the such idiocy it's politics, it's partisan, it's a reflection on the candidate and the not-so-GOP.

And, in this case an affront to ALL women and most civilized men.

That Friess feels comfortable telling the hoary locker room sexist hee haw gives me goose bumps all over.

To think national policy will be influenced by this extremely rich juvenile lug-nut is not a good thing.

Also, I am a bit concerned you feel comfortable feigning Friess is merely ignorant of maturity.

albert constantine jr.| 2.23.12 @ 10:35PM

To paraphrase Warren Oates as Sergeant Hulka: "Lighten up, Ronald."

Skippy| 2.24.12 @ 3:10PM

The permanently offended rarely disappoint.

Sunnyr| 2.24.12 @ 11:40PM

You have to admit it was a very crappy "joke."

Foster Friess should give up trying to be a Comedian. It doesn't work for him.

ayrnieu| 2.26.12 @ 2:59PM

Santorum disclaimed it and Friess apologized for it, so the story can no longer be about how awful the media are. It's _Santorum_ and _Friess_ who are such quivering cowards that they'll sprint from mock-indigation in this way. "No! Please! We don't really think that to not engage in the reproductive act is a legitimate option when it comes to avoiding reproduction! We're sorrrry!"

Say, are you looking forward to seeing how firm President Santorum will be the professionally offended? "In my day, we askedd permission to cross a bor--ohgosh, sorry, was that offense? It was just a bad joke! I didn't mean it. Here, have amnesty!"

BeccaJ| 2.28.12 @ 5:20AM

@ayrnieu: you are right on. Come on, guys! I remember Ann Landers said, back in the early 70s -- the Pill was 100% effective as long as you kept it between your knees! Offensive to women? Last time I looked I was a woman -- I wasn't offended -- I'm offended at the feminists who believe I am unable to think for myself and take responsibility for my own actions. And re who will clean up the streets after the horse and buggy -- sounds like a Progressive jobs program to me ... just sayin'...