Special Report
Thirty Minutes or Stress
The science of pizza delivery.
My family had never been known for its punctuality. The brothers Lott have a rule for our old man: take whatever time he gives you, add an hour, and set your clocks. He’s not the only tardy one. Waiting for family members to show up at big group events is just part of how we roll. So when I landed a pizza delivery job almost two years ago, it was a challenge.
In pizza delivery there are two kinds of drivers: those who manage their time well and those who don’t. Every driver starts out with terrible time management. The good ones figure out their cities and adapt. I started out with terribly timed deliveries and pissed off customers. The tips were discouraging, but I learned a few life lessons along the way, such as: read those “beware of dog” signs carefully. At one point, I just managed outrun and out jump a Rottweiler. But even when off the clock, you could see the difference. I started showing up on time for things. Countless hours of dodging cops, stop signs, and traffic lights had changed my sluggard state of mind.
Delivery driving has taught me other useful skills. Navigating house numbers in the dark is a good one. Some people seem to believe we drivers have nocturnal vision. The truth is, we learn to guess really well. Speed-reading is another skill that every successful delivery driver will acquire, but it’s not the kind of speed-reading advertised on television. It’s more like fast pattern recognition, followed by crazy, hairpin turns. Those courses won’t help you when you’re looking for a house going 50 mph down a crowded four-lane highway in the dark.
Another pizza delivery myth debunked: We are also not mind readers. One lady called the store and ordered a “Carry-Out Special” which is our most popular special but is only available to people who come and pick the pizza up, hence the name: Carry-Out Special. We cooked the pizza and placed it on the top of the oven. Fifty minutes later, she called back and asked why no driver had yet delivered her Carry-Out Special. I guess she thought the name meant we would carry it out to her.
The demands of the job at times are severe. You either learn to love the stress or it breaks you. I love it. The other Sunday, we were insanely busy when I got a distress call from another driver whose car had gone down for the count. I rushed out of the shop with a double delivery in my bag and rescued him. I made my deliveries and his — on time, thank you — and returned to base for more dough- and marinara-fueled automotive abuse.
No doubt one day I’ll look on my pizza delivery years as the most awesomely frustrating time of my life. The customers have been pretty great, considering, but I do have one small request on behalf of pizza peddlers everywhere. Next time you order a pie, flip on the porch light. It will make your delivery driver’s night.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (21) | Leave a comment
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Appleby| 2.15.12 @ 7:29AM
You can learn something from every job you take; that's why the Occupiers' whine demanding "good jobs" is such nonsense. My parents required us to get working papers as soon as we turned 15, and spend our summers working in local factories for the money we would use to support not only our school expenses but our eyeglasses and dental care throughout the winter. You might think there's nothing to learn from making boxes in a warehouse or sitting on a high stool dropping brushes into eye shadow compacts 8 hours a day. Wrong. You learn to take pride in a job well done, for one thing, and the praise of people who are not just working there for the summer but making a living at the job all year around is praise indeed. You learn what Daddy called "Lazy Man's Pains" which is actually the ideal method of doing your job with the fewest possible motions -- turning yourself in effect into a very efficient machine, which makes certain that all the steps are performed that get the job done correctly, and doing them without having to think about them. One factory where I worked thought that I spent a lot of time making the other girls on the line laugh, but they also noticed that I did more work than they did and asked me to show them how I did it. For a high school girl who had already absorbed the idea that factory work was what you did if you had dropped out of school, this was a remarkable change of direction. Maybe the world won't end if a girl isn't quick at filling boxes with items she can't even recognize, but in learning to do it quickly and efficiently she learns to take pride in her work and how important it is to think about the job before you start to do it, whatever that job you may be doing. I have seen two outstanding managers lately who know this trick: a woman who manages our soviet-style grocery store, and a man who manages a Wendy's franchise in an extremely busy food court. The woman is pushing a string in trying to get the young slackers under her command to do such elementary jobs as bring the carts in from the parking lot, but she's visibly trying to get things moving and personally collects the slackers and accompanies them to the front of the store and watches them until they perform their work, with an admirable self-control that shows the customers she, at least, cares if we live or die; and the man has motion study down to a science and nobody on his crew is ever permitted to stand around -- he's cheerful and recognizes regular customers and never loses his smile. Under a sullen socialist regime that instructs students that all they have to do is Demand, those who work for managers who know otherwise are blessed indeed, provided they pick up the clue.
Moe Blotz| 2.15.12 @ 8:32AM
That house going 50 mph down the highway must have been tough to stop in order to deliver pizza.
albert constantine jr.| 2.15.12 @ 9:03AM
And just as important, how does it signal it is changing lanes on that highway?
Bruce| 2.15.12 @ 10:15AM
Look for the arm in one of the windows on the "driver's side" of the house or to see if the front or rear porch light is flashing to signal a change in direction.
David W| 2.15.12 @ 9:14AM
My first job as a junior in high school was as a roofer. Then I had a "government" job at a local state park. Then worked for an industrial painter in Colorado and Wyoming. this was before college. While working on my degree I was a roustabout/yardman at a major oil refinery. I learned to appreciate the value of hard work, of earning a paycheck (especially when having to pay for a hotel), and how dangerous manual labor can be.
I can't imagine me ever being able to handle being a pizza delivery person. Sir, I doff my hat in your general direction.
Man in Hong Kong| 2.15.12 @ 10:00AM
A good lesson to whining Americans who wonder why the Chinese are kicking our backsides in manufacturing prowess: it's not the value of their currency or the wages they pay, it's the fact that they are working hard to improve their lives. It used to be an American virtue. Stop whining, America. Compete!
Bruce| 2.15.12 @ 10:24AM
Kids today don't have parents who grew up during the depression or WWII where they learned what hard work and scrimping/saving meant. All generations want something better for their kids but the "Greatest Generation" did so by teaching their kids work ethic and the value of a dollar. Today Government and a lot of parents today want to make children's lives better by coddling them and protecting them from the harsh realities of life. Which has worked out better?
Just Tom| 2.15.12 @ 12:23PM
Oh please, the Greatest Generation sired the children of the 60's and 70's, perhaps the most self-absorbed generation ever.
Rich D| 2.16.12 @ 9:48PM
The Greediest Generation. They gave us Roosevelt and then credit.
Ron| 2.15.12 @ 1:16PM
Well, Bruce, you are correct on some salient points...My father was born in 1934, and out of all of his brothers, he was about the butt-laziest man I knew (G-D rest his soul.) he also divorced my mom (this was in 1976) and she went back to college and got a B.S. in Psychology (she is 100% blind.)
I insisted my daughter get a job in high school, which she still has, at McDonald's, while going to college....She is in her freshman year.
My son is next...he is 15 and will be working in between football and school as well, to pay for his football gear and trips to football camp.
I had one of my first jobs delivering newspapers at the age of 10, when you still had to go door-to-door to collect payment. Then I got into detassling corn in Indiana, which is long hours of grueling manual labor. Not too mention cut-up hands. I enlisted in the National Guard when I was 17 and 1/2 (the legal age back then with parents okay.)
I have not stopped working, and worked multiple jobs when my children were born, and when their natural mother abandoned us...
Lesson here...it depends greatly on the individual and their upbringing. My father was not there and avoided hard work at all costs and took the easy way out when things got rough in the 1970s...
William L. Gensert| 2.15.12 @ 8:43PM
I lied and got a job delivering the New York Post at 9. I had one of the biggest routes in the Bronx and was making $25 a week back when grown men were making $100 a week. I also grew up without a father -- death not divorce -- if I wanted money I had to work. Incidentally, my mother took me down to Third Avenue to get my working papers, fully aware that the minimum age was twelve.
Who Knows?| 2.15.12 @ 1:49PM
Back in 1974, right after spending a year in a hippy commune near Escondido, California, a job delivering pizza in San Diego was the second one that brought me back into the “real” world (The first, pounding together roof trusses with a three pound hammer).
Ah, the stories!
With a $25 a week room as base, I drove the 66 VW gotten when in the army.
At 31, and a recovering dropout, I’d zip around dressed in Bermuda shorts, sometimes smoking marijuana. One time, as I was returning to the pizza parlor---Vesuvios, near where the navy ships were docked—with a joint in my hand, I made a left turn at a stoplight, just when it turned green, in front of cars that had the legal right of way.
Immediately, a cop was behind me, so I knew I had to throw away the doobie. Thus, I made a right turn onto a one-way street, going the wrong way! But, at least I lost the grass! The cops were mad as hell at me, but I only got a traffic ticket. Was I relieved---you can bet I NEVER cut in front of cars any more.
Another time, I delivered a pizza to the poor side of town. It was a small shack, in the area with mostly blacks---it was near where Lincoln High School sits, Marcus Allen’s alma mater. Inside was a black couple. As I handed the pizza to the wife and she went for the money, the husband---probably somewhat drunk?---said, “I’m going to kill you”, as he glowered at me while sitting in his chair. The wife told him to come off it. I didn’t get a tip.
Those were the days my friend, we thought they’d never end.
Paul P.| 2.15.12 @ 4:18PM
As a 47 year old computer systems analyst, I took on a part time pizza delivery job a few miles from my house in order to help pay off some debts (thank you Dave Ramsey!). It is a humbling and fascinating experience to drop into a completely new environment. I totally concur with the author; learning to read house numbers is a royal difficulty, especially at night. One of my pet peeves was apartment buildings that were numbered in a random style. One thing working for tips does do is give you a great deal of respect for everyone else that works for tips. Talking to customers was great, and if the need ever arises, I would happily deliver pizza's again.
Pat| 2.15.12 @ 4:51PM
As Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof so concisely phrased it: “It’s no sin to be poor, but it’s no great honor either”. Face it, all these low skill, low pay jobs basically suck. We force our children to do them because it teaches them values – we’re not sure what values are taught but obviously something important. Personal injury lawyer or pizza delivery driver – who contributes more to society? Most people would vote for their beloved Pizza Guy – but the lawyers’ guild makes doubly sure the ambulance chasers get the big bucks.
Could a strapping young 18 year old work out well as a plumber’s apprentice – probably, but only if he can call his union “sponsor” Dad, Grandpa or Uncle Joe. So, our eager 18 year old can heft an assault rifle for the Marines but not a pipe wrench unless he has the right connections.
And so it goes – intelligence, education and training can lead to a high paying and satisfying career but many jobs can be filled by a bright 19 year old with far better results than a 45 year old hockey puck with a bad attitude. Still, the legacy of child labor lives on today – we keep them working the counter at McDonald’s or filling popcorn buckets at the local Cineplex. Seems to work for our society but then again “it’s no great honor either” describes all entry level jobs.
Bob Grant| 2.15.12 @ 7:20PM
No worries. Barry and The Mooch will have deemed possession of pizza to be illegal so those pizza delivery drivers wont be there to kick around much longer.
albert constantine jr.| 2.15.12 @ 9:02PM
Possession won't be illegal, per se. The USDA will deem them unhealthy, and confiscate them at your door, after you've paid, but before you've eaten. They will continue to be available for members of the Politburo in an unrestricted manner, though.
Bob Grant | 2.15.12 @ 11:24PM
So Al,
In a nutshell, I order and pay for a pizza and before it hits my dinner table it's confiscated by the Feds and magically ends up at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, perhaps on The Mooch's table?
This Hopey/Changey thing gets better and better.
Recardo Fumare| 2.15.12 @ 11:32PM
At 15 I pounded slag in boat hull bottoms, at 16 I baked bread in a factory, 17 was a lumberyard, 18 was a chop shop. At 19 I was the manager of a Mercedes shop. I was the best. At 21 I left college, my guidance consular gave me a hard time as I would not make any money. HA and fu Ha. I showed him my W2 (these things happen in April), it was for 38K, he had a fit, his, for a full professor, was 27,500. I told him I also earn 10 to 20K off the books in cash. So f your rich white kid classes. I now live in the hinterlands with 4 kids and God's gift to men my wife. I make more money as a Steel Mill Highvoltage, electrician, mechanical Team leader, than you do.
And all I know is Obama would end all this.
rnd| 2.16.12 @ 2:38AM
To the author: Thanks for the writing, the humor, and the service! Do you deliver outside of Washington State? How far east will you deliver?
All kidding aside, good on ya. Keep working hard. Keep a good work ethic and keep your head up as you will work with many losers as coworkers, many jerks as bosses all the rest of your life.
The work lessons, the trials and tribulations never cease. But if you maintain good character, good values, spiritual/faith values and the attitude of gratitude, you will make it. And you will be the "richer" man for good, honest, hard work.
Thank you for writing. Looking forward to the update in about 4 - 6 months. Okay?
Rich D| 2.16.12 @ 9:44PM
Tough job. My son does it.
One customer gave him $12 for a $11.97 order and sent him back to the car for the three cents change. Got attacked up by two guys in one area. Got robbed along with manager at gunpoint in downtown Pittsburgh as they were leaving with the receipts. Got out of his car to make a delivery and a resident on his porch put five bullet holes in his car. Cops came and saw shell casings on the lawn and did nothing.
Make your own flipping pizza - it isn't hard even from scratch. Deliveries to businesses are OK.
Mike Landry| 2.17.12 @ 3:54AM
See the three dots on the Domino's logo? They, I'm told, represent the first three Domino's stores and I worked for one of them in 1967 in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Domino's by then was five stores and a dream in the mind of owner Tom Monaghan who came into our store each night. Domino's provided the cars in those days -- great old Checker taxicabs that were fun to drive. Although one night I ended up with the company pickup truck on which only second gear worked. Great memories.