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Ben Stein's Diary
On Winter Tour
Beware of scary situations.
Tuesday
What a nightmare day this has
been. I awakened in a beautiful hotel room at the Hyatt in one of
my favorite cities, San Antonio. Outside, a light rain was falling.
I had my breakfast and dressed and went down to give a speech to a
huge number of electrical distribution people. I sat in a green
room with some of the other players. One was a speechwriter,
actually, and we talked about electricity. I said, “Electricity
makes us into gods. It gives us power earlier generations could not
have imagined.”
The speechwriter, a pleasant fellow named Moriseau, said, pithily, “And the god-machine is the grid. It has to produce exactly as much electricity as is wanted and needed. It cannot store more than a trivial amount. As the grid gets smarter, it gets to be even more god-like.”
That’s about the wisest comment I have ever heard in a green room. I was damned impressed.
I gave my speech to good response. I talked about how I was born November 25, 1944, and how much things have changed. After the speech, I wandered about the exhibit hall and posed for photos. Some thoughtful fellow came up to me and said, “Hey, I was born exactly twenty-five years after you. Are you what I’m going to look like in twenty-five years?” He had an evil smirk on his fat face.
“No, no,” I said. “You’ll look a lot better.”
Then, off to the airport for a 41 minute flight to DFW and then to fly thence to DCA. When we got on the plane, an MD Super 80, the pilot said there was a line of bad weather and we would have to detour around it. No problem. It would add fifteen minutes to the flight time.
After about an hour in the air, the pilot said the line of weather had been a lot bigger than they had expected and they had to detour so far that they had almost run out of fuel and had to make an emergency landing to refuel in Abilene.
Five hours later we were still on the ground in Abilene. The problem? Even though it’s an American Airlines Eagle hub, there was no one in Abilene who knew how to refuel an MD-80. Plus the fuel gauge was broken so they had to use a stick to figure out how much gasoline was in the wing. And they didn’t have a stick.
So, I asked the captain how it was that they did not have enough fuel for an hour and a half flight. He looked deeply pained. “Nowadays, on short flights, we fly with only a little fuel on board so we won’t weigh much and burn up more fuel. Plus with more fuel, the plane is harder to stop on landing and brakes get used up faster.” He looked thoroughly embarrassed.
We finally made it to DFW. A kindly Egyptian man with a cart took me to my gate and I got on just in time to take my fourth replacement flight. I was so tired I could barely think. Plus the man next to me was as drunk as a skunk and also had a vicious cough. I put on my Bob Dylan “Hard Rain” disc and slept.
A very different story in D.C. My fabulous driver, Bob Noah, greeted me at DCA with groceries — a necessity since the powers that be closed the Watergate Safeway.
I made Bob and me ham sandwiches — my spécialité de la maison. I used Pepperidge Farm bread, honey ham, mayonnaise, and a bit of butter.
Dee-lish.
I visited with Bob for a while, then watched my favorite channel, “The Military Channel,” for a while. The show was about a tank battle in Iraq. Wow, the U.S. Army armored warriors are amazing. Just amazing. They just ripped up Saddam’s tanks.
“It was 1990s technology against 1970s technology,” said a U.S. Army officer. “They didn’t stand a chance.”
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
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Jane Aderhold| 2.6.12 @ 8:55AM
You are my favority AS writer. For your knee, ask the Doctor about "You-Flex-A" (Sp). It is a series of three shots, spread a week about. Works like a dream and much better than a knee replacement.
Don't laugh, I went to Marjorie Webster Jr. College in Washington, not far from the Maryland border. Being in DC for two years was an experience. I was there when Kennedy was shot. I'm sure you were around there at the same time.
God bless you and your family.
Jane
Miami, FL
PS: My DOB is November 27, 1943
Brian Mc| 2.6.12 @ 9:32AM
Thanks, Ben. Once again, you are the harbor amidst the storm.
jim sweeney | 2.6.12 @ 9:48AM
You're not old; I am old though I look more like 65 than 81, still lawyer 60+ hours a week and have the world's greatest 7-year old son. (Yes, seven.) So please lay off that old man schtick which seems to appear in every column. We in LA are doubly blessed to live in Jerry Dunphy's land of Springtime every morning and Autumn every evening which makes self-pity, Jery Brown and his ilk notwithstanding.
I do think your off-hand comment about the Hollywood Commies deserves further development. You would do all a true service to flesh out that thought. RR would be pleased as well.
Jim| 2.6.12 @ 10:22AM
What has happened to Ben
Stein's paramour--Miss Alabama?
I wade through Stein's treacle, hoping to find another electrifying post from the High Society Dame, but she never appears on the comment threads anymore.
Her last post told about her husband, Hank, ripping her fancy underpants off, and how Ben--her " gentle huggy bear"-- would never do such a thing.
Ben, brother, what has happened to your Southern diva? She used to sing arias to you.
Is she (I wonder) somehow involved in your "litigation"? She always struck me as too hot to handle.
Byron| 2.6.12 @ 10:41AM
"Freedom Betrayed" by H. Hoover is a great book in general and deals with the communist infiltration in detail. You might like it.
Vern Crisler| 2.6.12 @ 10:32AM
Ben, you can find out what happened to all your old friends by joining Facebook. You'll see that they've all grown old, literally.
BTW, given your interest in WW2, if you want to read a good book on WW2, I recommend American Heritage's book about it, the 1960s edition (if you haven't read it already). (I haven't read the 90s edition yet.)
Lots of good narrative history, selections from diaries and books of WW2 soldiers, journalists, etc., plus a lot of great pictures.
Ned the Red| 2.6.12 @ 10:56AM
"So much of life is about whether or not one's parents took care of one. And yet it's so hard for the parents to know what the right thing to do is. Well, we are all rocked in God's arms if we want to be.
Maybe even if we don't want to be."
Great stuff Ben. I think the first few years are the most important of all.
Tiddly| 2.6.12 @ 1:09PM
For engrossing WWII reading, try "Above the Thunder" by Raymond Kerns. I don't think any other WWII memoir can match it.
Frank Drackman | 2.6.12 @ 3:37PM
ME-TV is awesume.
Reruns of Hawai 5-0, Daniel Boone(even with its Politically In-correct theme song), Gunsmoke(the good ones, in B&W, Chester, and Matt B-Word Slapping the bad guys)and the occasional Brady Bunch/Happy Days,
and its FREE, at least in the Atlanta area, just like healthcare will be.
Frank
GD| 2.6.12 @ 9:41PM
"I sure hope we keep that edge, no matter what it costs."
Darn straight!
Michael| 2.7.12 @ 3:15PM
Here in Murray, Kentucky, we get ME-TV 12/24 weekdays and 18/24 on weekends. It's now one of my top three local stations. "Twelve O'Clock High" and Saturday westerns. It's wonderful. Also, I agree with you on "Gulag" and Stalin's friends. Another excellent book is "Red Star Over Hollywood".
allie aller | 2.9.12 @ 12:50PM
Uncle Ben (you know you are my honorary uncle)...Facebook is a terrific place for finding out what happened to the people you used to know. It's like time travel, from high school graduation to your 40th reunion in 60 seconds. At least, that's been my experience.
And yes, thanks for sharing your gifts... ;-)
Brian Richard Allen | 2.10.12 @ 11:23AM
.... "Thank you for sharing your gifts," he said. "They brighten up many peoples' days ...."
How I envy that man having the opportunity to say that to you, Mr Stein.
But in case I don't get to see you to say it? Thank you from me and from mine, too. And may the G-d of Israel always hear your prayers and look over and shower blessings on and take care of you -- and of every one you love!
Brian Richard Allen
Los Angeles - CA 90028
And The Very Far Abroad