The American Spectator : I Take Bribes

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I Take Bribes

By Christopher Orlet on 1.26.12 @ 6:07AM

Capitalizing on government mandates and the hidden costs of city life.

Increasingly one gets the impression that he is living in a third-world country.

Last week I went to have my vehicle inspected as directed by the all-powerful Missouri Department of Revenue. Here in St. Louis the state has mandated our vehicles be inspected every year… or two. (It's confusing). This ensures a steady stream of cash flowing into the state's bottomless coffers. This also ensures that many residents never have their cars inspected since they cannot afford the fees and the cost of repairs.

I once attended traffic court after receiving an (in my opinion) undeserved moving violation. Like most experiences in the city, it was an eye opener. The courtroom was standing room only, but I seemed to be the only person in attendance who possessed a valid driver's license. Apparently, a great many drivers on our city streets are unlicensed. Who knew?

In my town, in order to get one's tags renewed your vehicle must pass an emissions test and a safety inspection. You must also show proof that you paid your property taxes, or, lacking any property, secure a waiver from the city assessor's office. All of this is preliminary to actually visiting the horror show that is the DMV. Such copious quantities of red tape would warm the heart of the mummified Lenin.

As with most government regulations the poor are most negatively impacted. The well-to-do can afford better vehicles which require less maintenance, while the poor end up with thousands of dollars in repairs. Worst case, they drive on expired tags, are arrested (many have warrants for previous driving violations), and go to jail, thereby losing their job, their income, their insurance, etc. I once had the tags stolen from my license plates. At the time, I couldn't imagine who would do such a thing. But now I know there is a very lucrative black market in stolen license plate tags. A driver may not have a valid driver's license, but for twenty bucks he can buy stolen tags, which may keep him from getting pulled over in the first place.

I HAD TAKEN A DAY off work in order to get the requisite inspections. Happily, there was a vehicle inspection shop right down the street from my house, a place covered with piscine symbolism. The fish were, no doubt, displayed to set one at ease, always an important consideration when negotiating the shady world of automobile repair. I paid the $36 for the inspections and waited.

I was fairly confident my old truck would pass. After all, I had passed both inspections only a year ago at a little shop north of St. Louis. This time, however, the inspector, a barrel shaped man with a bushy gray beard and long gray locks weaved into a French braid, informed me that my vehicle had failed the safety portion. I had a cracked windshield and the back tires needed replacing. We were easily talking $500. He said the vehicle had a lot of other problems he was letting slide.

I protested that my vehicle had had a cracked windshield last year, and it had easily passed inspection. "Look," I said, "I know my truck is a piece of crap, but I live in the ghetto. If I had a new vehicle it would be vandalized or stolen. New tires would likely be stolen too. The local thieves leave my beat-up old truck alone."

The inspector shrugged and said, "I tell my buddies that for fifty bucks I didn't see anything."

So that's how it is, I thought. I'd heard about such things, probably from New York City crime shows, but, being from a relatively small town, I had never actually been shaken down, extorted or asked for a bribe.

The inspector said I would have to come back in about three hours' time. That's how long it would normally take to install new tires and a replacement windshield.

I was already out $36. If I went to another inspection center I would have to pay an additional $36 for another inspection. And who was to say I would pass that one? But what really irked me, as much as being extorted, was that I had used one of my few remaining vacation days to get the new tags. And now half the day was gone, and I had accomplished nothing.

I drove around the south side of town till I located another inspection place. There I was told I could not be fitted in today. Come back tomorrow.

Did I pay the extortionist? My attorneys advise against saying. But I suspect many people do. It's the price of doing business in a third-world country. I mean an American city.

About the Author

Christopher Orlet writes every Thursday from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (41) | Leave a comment

Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 1.26.12 @ 6:12AM

For $50 you could of gotten off cheap. The man was taking a lot of risk for $50. I worked in law enforcement for 30 years and never let anyone get away with anything. But in this case I must admit I would probably look the other way. In fact, I would make sure I went back there the next year with a new $50 in my pocket.

Occam's Tool| 1.26.12 @ 10:44AM

"I believe I have a reservation in this parking lot," my father said, handing the Chicago Parking attendant $20.00 wrapped around his parking card.

"Indeed you do, sir," the attendant said, making the Jackson disappear as if by magic.

Now, I don't have this problem in rural Minnesota, partially because I don't have metered parking in my small town. But, Chris, you're the mentally challenged one that wants to live in a St. Louis ghetto, and you don't expect corruption from The Man? My dad lived in the suburbs, and he knew How Things Are Done in a Democrat run shithole. Of course, my dad also LIKES this state of affairs, because he knows where the graft is....

Diogenes| 1.28.12 @ 3:48AM

LOL A cop who never let's anyone get away with anything and STILL carries a spare $50... just in case! TY for the laugh!

DT| 1.26.12 @ 7:19AM

Move to Texas. Nowhere near the hassle.

Jimmy| 1.26.12 @ 11:49AM

You got that right. San Antonio DMV is a breeze, no muss, no fuss. We simply have a hard time visualizing what happens other places!

The Bruce| 1.26.12 @ 10:41PM

Ditto for Arizona.

Occam's Tool| 1.27.12 @ 11:40AM

Ditto for rural Minnesota.

P.Smith| 1.26.12 @ 7:20AM

When bribes are paid an institution is created that can be very difficult to get rid of.

Doctor_X| 1.26.12 @ 7:37AM

You should move to Ohio! you should see the P.O.S. that pass as cars and trucks. if it wasn't for bondo they'd fall apart!

Quartermaster| 1.26.12 @ 6:24PM

Ohio has random inspections. You can be waved over at any time. The Highway Patrol has roving inspection teams that set up in various locations to make inspections. At times you can be pulled over by a Highway Patrolman, as I was back in 2004, specifically for an inspection.

TUV is the way to go| 1.27.12 @ 9:43AM

Quartermaster, please clarify the situation as you describe it in Ohio.

"Waved over at any time."

Waved over by the police (highway patrol) to check that your license, car registration, car insurance, and car safety inspection are up to date?

Or do you mean waved over for a random right-on-the-spot (side of the road) full Ohio state vehicle safety inspection -- regardless of whether one's is current or elapsed (or non existent).

I think you mean the former. But I am unsure.

Please clarify what you mean. Thank you.

SC Mike| 1.26.12 @ 7:44AM

We in SC have no inspection requirements and the condition of the cars reflects it. I’ve been told that the state dismantled its inspection program years ago because of rampant corruption.

I spend too much time in the DC metro area and have been told that the VA system is fair and not corruptible, in part because the state police maintain oversight of safety inspections: they test and certify inspectors and have a set of procedures in place to assure transparency. One feature: when you pull in for the inspection, the first thing the inspector does is to scrape off the old sticker. You are now at the mercy of his interpretation of the inspection criteria.

MD, as a Democrat fiefdom, does have a bit of corruption and some interesting loopholes in its inspection program. I’m surprised at the number of one-eyed jacks (one burned out headlight) I seen when driving in that state. Perhaps it’s because of its proximity to WbgV where one evening I saw two one-eyed-jack cop cars. I’m pretty sure that both states require that only one light source on the vehicle needs to be in operation, and the dome light counts.

Regardless, winter’s here and you need decent tires, especially on the rear of a pickup.

Kevin in Appalachia| 1.26.12 @ 7:46AM

Deuteronomy 16:19 (NKJV)
19 You shall not pervert justice; you shall not show partiality, nor take a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and twists the words of the righteous.

curt| 1.26.12 @ 8:15AM

Never met a vehicle inspection program that wasn't corrupted through and through. A freind of mine got a MO inspection tag for her car with a bad dash, windshield, turn signal, headlight, brake lights, and one tire that was smaller then the other three, and it couldn't pass emissions. Going bribe to get that death trap road certified; about fifty bucks. the small size of the bribe shows the corruption of the system, the inspectors are competing for bribes.
.

Flyguy| 1.26.12 @ 8:21AM

Is wrestling fixed, too? I live in KC and the process could not be more straightforward. Glad to know your trucks tires may blow and you swerve into my car, killing my family, There's where you should direct your moral outrage.

Reading & Comprehending| 1.26.12 @ 9:23AM

Flyguy, I think you somehow missed the key point about needing to having junky crap on his beat-up pickup due to where he lives. If you've read this author before, his locale in St. Louis is a primary theme in his articles.

Maybe you should go check out the situation in run-down KC, maybe? Oh, that probably would hurt your sensibilities and very false, fairytale view of the Third World America to which is referred.

I'll let the author respond, if he decides. But I bet two things: One, that pickup never moves more than three miles in any given direction and it does not see time on the highway. Two, the author would love some new Bridgestones on the back. But, yes, they'd be thefted away before St. Paddy's Day.

Go out and discover K.C. a bit, would you? That is your city, right? So you should know it. Easily about a dozen large neighborhoods just the same there in K.C.

(Do yourself a favor: Listen to Walter Williams joking about how he got tired of removing his car battery nightly while still living in Washington, D.C. He got tired of it because he was, as he put it, getting a little up in age. You do know why he was removing his car battery nightly, don't you? Hear the story in Mr. Williams' voice and you'll laugh and cry about our nation at the same time.)

richard ryan| 1.26.12 @ 8:29AM

Coming to a medical center near you! Here's what will happen to the medical system when Obamacare fully kicks in: doctors bail out of government insurance en masse. Demand for doctors reaches a crisis point. Government then makes medical licensure contigent upon participating in govt. insurance. Doctors begin losing money and going into further debt. Then the fun starts.

POST American| 1.26.12 @ 8:43AM

---Great piece!

NOW, for that first piece taking on the
all but certain reality that in this, the age
of full spectrum cyber surveillance,
virtually our entire elected government,
and, one might say, our entire male population
---is living and acting under some form of
overt, or covert, -----black-mail.

----------------------ANYTIME YOU'RE READY

Pelligrino| 1.26.12 @ 9:08AM

Several points:

1. Because of where you live (inner St. Louis) you have the imperative in life of owning a piece of junk as your motor conveyance. Boy, that's swell.

Urban renewal? (Didn't I hear that catchphrase as 'all the rage' back in the mid 1980's? Wasn't St. Louisy to be on those model urban renewal centers as a shining example to the nation?)

2. How would our mechanic be if a really nice looking, attractive woman were needing two or three repairs to pass inspection? Then the $50 wouldn't be in question, something else might be, eh? What dad here wouldn't be alarmed if his daughter of 19 or 23 was talking about how she'd be fretting a bit on Tuesday as that's the day she's devoted to getting her 1998 vehicle through the necessary inspection and registration hoops?

3. Can that mechanic be bribed with a "gift" of liquor? Several well chosen bottles perhaps?

4. I recommend to all readers to go to your nearest town of over 75,000 inhabitants. Spend work day hanging out at the courthouse seeing those with similar vehicle or property issues with the city or county. As the author noted, the lines of scruffy ragbags without IDs, without licenses, with only 33 years of age but 16 priors....It is very sobering. Dozens of other men just like him in the place. With gumshoe, smarmy, fat lawyers preying on them and facilitating the whole weekly travesty show.

5. The bureaucracy does at least take a day -- ESPECIALLY on trivially small matters just like this. This is how we shackle your life from age 16 - til the day you croak --- merrily fining you semi annually all the way.

You are not free. You are but a sap.

Yes, we live in a Third World Country. Yes indeed. Welcome aboard.

PolishKnight| 1.26.12 @ 9:22AM

In Virginia, you can get your car re-inspected at the same place for 1 dollar after you get the repairs elsewhere. It's also not that expensive ($16).

In your case, if you had your car inspected at a place that passed it last year then... you should have gone back there since the mechanic would be familiar with your car and pass it again. Going to a different mechanic year after year (even in an honest program) opens the door for different interpretations of the same problem. One mechanic might think a light that's a little old should pass while the windshield is bad and vice-versa.

Tags| 1.26.12 @ 9:37AM

How much would it cost you to bribe an editor to fix this artice?

Tags| 1.26.12 @ 9:38AM

"article" -ed.

Petronius| 1.26.12 @ 9:45AM

Chris
Your first mistake was having enough cash in your wallet after picking a shop that you knew does not make money passing your heap upon 1st attempt. Next time, see Leo at Century Tire just north of Bevo Mill. The guy does not and will not pull your chain. And when you put your tags on score them with a pocket knife after removing the old ones. If you want to avoid the dreaded emissions test, I'm sorry to say the nearest place to get away from that P.I.T.A. is Crwford Co. no thanks to a political parasite named Neil St. Onge (R), who regards himself as the unofficial emperor of west St. Louis Co. When he was in the State House he wangled the local emission testing franchise for the benefit of his weenie self and still takes home half the fees at the stations still operating.

Dave| 1.26.12 @ 9:48AM

The truth is, smog checks and vehicle licensing aren't about public safety, clean air, or even tracking unsafe automobiles. In young Mr. Orlet's town, as it is in towns and burghs all across the fruited plane , these "mandates" are about one thing ... and one thing only:

(a) Yhe M-O-N-E-Y.

But how can a citizen actually know what the truth is?

Follow (a).

We'll cover "Red Light Cameras and the City Councils Who Love Them" at another meeting.

Stammon| 1.26.12 @ 10:08AM

There is nothing new under the sun. To put myself through school I was an auto mechanic in NYC in the 1970's. My response then would've been "he was doing you a favor, $50 is cheap". I ran a smog check service. The state had a fraud unit that went around trying to get mechanics to cheat. That pretty 19 year old girl who's mother was sick in NJ and car was just a touch over on her NOX was an officer, and several shops had very unpleasant experiences before the word got out. If you had a heart and tried to help her you got hurt.
You cannot leave the inspections in the hands of the mechanics that can charge for the work. It's too good easy money.

Old Soldier| 1.26.12 @ 12:24PM

In most of the world this is exactly how things work - winks, nods, and bribes. America used to be above that crap. As government gets bigger and more intrusive, it is a natural development.

rudy yniguez | 1.26.12 @ 1:35PM

This is what I loved about living in Mexico for seven years. I could buy my way out of anything I didn't want to be in, and buy my way into anything I felt left out of.

Steve| 1.26.12 @ 2:04PM

You got off easy Christopher. My the inspection of my relatively "new" 2003 Ford Escape set me back $1,200 for front end repairs and a new windshield. I chalk it up to the price of owning a car.

Pat| 1.26.12 @ 3:45PM

From that popular Washington D. C. area Barnes and Noble best seller: “Accepting Bribes for Dummies”, the following operating rules were stressed:

Only charge what the traffic will bear. Faking an inspection certificate in Detroit - $50, faking an inspection certificate in Beverly Hills - $500.

The higher the public office, the higher the bribe. Chicago building inspector - $200, plus a case of scotch. DOE Obama appointee granting a “Soylandra” type environmental loan -$200,000, plus a case of scotch.

Money is only one root of all evil. When a perspective bribee is “short of funds”, accept substitutes. Sexual favors, renovating your mother’s bathroom or 2 cases of scotch works as well as cash.

Remember not to include bribes on your annual 1040 tax return form, it isn’t income you ever want to report.

Never admit to accepting a bribe, even to the guy who gave you the bribe. If the media finds out, you say: “It was all a misunderstanding”. And if you don’t trust yourself to say that without laughing, let your lawyer say it for you.

Take a night school course in international banking. Write down which Caribbean islands have strict bank secrecy laws and which countries have non-extradition treaties. Or ask someone within the Obama administration.

Don’t be greedy. Spread the wealth among your cronies so no one will rat you out later. For more tips on keeping lips zipped, read Bill Clinton’s autobiography.

Know the type of sucker you are dealing with before asking for a bribe. Combat veterans, active members of Army or Navy Special Forces and biker lesbians typically payoff with a crowbar upside the head.

Happy bribing.

WhiteBikerTrash| 1.26.12 @ 4:04PM

Welcome to the Progressive States of America. Where the only free market enterprise is the sales of favors or illegal products.

Marc Jeric| 1.26.12 @ 5:14PM

Yearly car license in Nevada is about 8 times that in, for example, Georgia. Back in 1996 I just paid the Georgia license for the year $68; then I decided to move to Las Vegas, upon retirement, and declared so to the local DMV: the same car license for the same period of time was $450. It was explained to me that the reason is that there are no Nevada income taxes and therefore the government hsas to get their money somehow. I have a neighbor who gets his car license in Utah - he has a cabin there as his address.

Robert of Ottawa| 1.26.12 @ 8:06PM

Unfortunately, you have the point perfectly. The third & second world countries have corruption because government controls so much of peoples' lives - whether it be a personal or a socialist dictatorship. That we are getting it here is a sign that there are too many government regulations that an enterprising person can make a buck from.

POST American| 1.26.12 @ 10:24PM

---------------------BOTTOM LINE---------------------

Google IS surveillance, tracking
and data collection and is a part
of the NSA ----a la Microsoft.

------------------BOYCOTT GOOGLE-------------------

-And DO get those PCs out of your home
and personal spaces.

--------------------------------------REALLY

NO JOKE

The Bruce| 1.26.12 @ 10:55PM

PA, please buy yourself a puppy.

POST American| 1.27.12 @ 8:41AM

-------'90's Show' cyber sock puppets
are a bore-------aren't they?

Dmitry Aleksandrovich| 1.27.12 @ 10:54PM

This will only become more common if wages for police and other government workers stagnate while the cost of living rises. In many parts of the former Soviet Union the police are not well paid and so this is how they supplement their income. This was common in the United States not so long ago and with the current economy the way this problem is only going to get worse.

Dmitry Aleksandrovich| 1.27.12 @ 11:48PM

Looking at the bright side of things however I would rather pay a 50 dollar bribe than a 500 fine any day of the week. As I said America used to work this way and there was a reason for that.

Diogenes| 1.28.12 @ 3:52AM

What kind of bribe did you pay to get this chunk of journalism published? Your knees hurt more than you jaw? No wonder you live in the Ghetto.

Did you report the conman at the Inspection Station? Would you do you civic duty and spend the day in court to testify against him?
Thought not. You flaming neocon hypocrite!

BEt you call yourself 'a patriot" too.

POST American| 1.28.12 @ 9:24AM

IN 2012, ----as we deal with the open RED
China TREASON OP of the deviant USURY
psychopaths -----'bribing' is surely a '90's
Show' concern.

Unaccountable capstone USURY
-------------------is----------------------
a deviant religion that creates
deviant economy.

It's SOLE cultural 'contribution' is
---------------EUGENICS--------------.

The ultimate X-pression of EUGENICS
------------------------is------------------------
------------------GENOCIDE------------------

Those on stage, no matter what their
apparent level of D-Nile -----KNOW THIS.

NOW, imagine just what kind of character
would willingly stand ground on behalf of
such horror.

We are dealing with VAST and bottomless
cyber blackmail and deviant psychopathy
to make even Stalin's Kremlin, Hitler's
Reich and MAO's inner sanctum blush.

Everything OLD --is NEW-remberg AGAIN!

---------SO FIND YOUR REPENTANCE-----------

-------AND PRAY GOD PLANTS THE HERO ------

--------------------------WITHIN-------------------------

Dave| 1.28.12 @ 3:00PM

Chris, I see your point, I agree and believe me - this is NOT the worst side of bribery when it comes to car inspections. Take it as a small charge for not buying a new truck and having it stolen or damaged, try to find good points. The really bad thing is not that these guys ask bucks to have your checked out, it's that for an extra charge they will actually approve accident JUNK that should not be let on the road and that is not safe to drive, with much more serious issues that just a cracked window or old tires, and which later will be resold. And the cost may be really high - life...

Felix| 1.29.12 @ 8:29PM

When I lived in Wisconsin about 20 years ago, I had to get a 79 Chevy checked for emissions. The car was previously owned and had the smaller gas nozzle receptacle busted out that would only allow for unleaded gas. The previous owner could then use the cheaper leaded gas that was still on the market. However, at the time of the inspection there was no longer leaded gas on the market. Nevertheless, the inspector told me I must replace the tampered part. I got an original part from a junk yard, and being young and stupid, sawed off the old part, connecting the new part with a piece of rubber hose. I rationalized that there was no oxygen in the tank as the gasoline vapors pushed them out. So since Wisconsin had this archaic bureaucratic environmental regulation that was still being enforced, a young person with no money was forced to risk his life to comply. Aren't we all glad that government is there to protect us and the environment?