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A Nation on the Edge
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April in Paris
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France Meets Ugly American
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Kerry Chéri
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Sarko Redux
March 11, 2013 | 4 comments
Letter From Paris
What Is Your Sign?
The all-important answer will tell the French who you are.
What kind of year will 2012 be? To be sure, for news junkies, policy wonks, and the chattering class, it will be the year of important elections in the U.S. and Europe, more financial cataclysms, and the usual coups and earthquakes. But how will it be for you personally? Will you win or lose a job? Get seriously ill? Receive a surprise inheritance from a long-forgotten aunt in Texas? Fall in love? Idle questions, you may say. But the better part of 60 million Frenchmen are convinced they already know how the year will turn out for them.
From radio, television, and Internet horoscopes to specialized astrology magazines, the French have been avidly pondering their psycho-astrological portraits and long-term predictions for the New Year. A cornucopia of confident forecasts for each of the 12 signs of the zodiac is available for all of 2012. One of the best-selling magazines proposes “an exclusive world-wide horoscope for a year full of danger.” More optimistic ones promise “Happiness soon!” or “Pleasant surprises all year long!” As one magazine editor confides, “This time of year, sales jump by 20 percent when you put a horoscope in the book.”
Many believers are making appointments with their usual astrologers to get a jump on the New Year. How much they actually depend on the Delphic, often contradictory predictions about the sub-lunar world is imponderable. But the fact is that they are willing to pay hard cash for them—upwards of $80 for a half-hour chat with Magda, Luzitana, Samia, or Chandrane. Current queen of the stars is the glam Elizabeth Teissier, who inaugurated TV astrology in France in the 1970s after brief “careers” in modeling and films. She claims a PhD in sociology from the Sorbonne and has written several books on astrology. Her latest one covers predictions for 2012–2016, “five years that will change the world.” A safe enough prophecy, even without the fearsome dissonance she detects between Uranus and Pluto.
The French passion for astrology cuts across class lines, from concierges to government ministers and human resource managers of big companies. Some of the latter have fired their in-house psychologists and hired astrologers, convinced that a study of the stars is as valid as looking at Rorschach ink spots to see if a new executive will fit in with the corporate culture. That attitude is consistent with the French rejection of most of 20th-century psychiatric theory, starting with Freudianism. While a minuscule minority has gone in for psychoanalysis, most Frenchmen have other ideas of what a couch is for. And if they want to pay to talk about their unhappiness, they prefer to base the conversation on the heavens rather than on toilet training.
Nor is this proudly Cartesian nation bothered by the hobgoblin of a foolish consistency. Isn’t it irrational to believe that the position of celestial bodies at the hour of their birth somehow determines their character and influences the course of their lives? Do they notice that such credulity is paradoxical, to say the least, in the skeptical land of the Enlightenment and the culture that coined the term “intellectual”? Such naive questions will get you a head-shaking look of pity and a large, indifferent shrug.
Those new to Paris dinner parties are often surprised to see that they feature less rarified political and philosophical discussions than the ritual question with the first course, “Quel est votre signe?” He who cannot reply to his table companion with his zodiac sign, its ascendant and descendent in his seventh house, is an instant wallflower. Or worse, someone who is not quite comme il faut. “You can’t really get to know someone without their astrological portrait,” a French widow of my acquaintance, a Scorpio, told me. “If I ever considered remarrying, I wouldn’t make a move without consulting my astrologer. In any case I know I couldn’t get along with a Libra.”
This often leaves foreign observers, including this one, nonplussed. But the French can point to a long tradition of soothsaying going back to the Middle Ages and Renaissance.
Strangely, most of their great cathedrals have astrological symbols incongruously sculpted into their columns and porticos and illuminated in their stained glass windows, right along with images of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and the saints. The famous seer of the Renaissance, Provence-born Michel de Nostredame, called Nostradamus, was known in the 16th century as now for his book of predictions, Les Propheties, published in 1555 and still in print. He was a regular at the court of Catherine de Médicis, queen consort of King Henri II, where he served as official astrologer. To this day many Frenchmen believe he foretold historical events like the reign of Napoleon. They continue to scrutinize his cryptic writings for clues to the future.
But a century after Nostradamus, French astrology fell on hard times. It does, after all, suggest a mechanistic universe, our futures determined by the planets, leaving little room for free will. The Catholic Church attacked it for this reason and Colbert, the energetic chief minister of Louis XIV, banned it 1666. Luminaries like La Fontaine, Voltaire, and Diderot fulminated against “charlatans who make horoscopes.” Astrology went into eclipse in France, only to shine again in the 20th century, tolerated, along with other concessions to human foibles, like gambling and prostitution.
Until astrology joined the computer age, the French made do with horoscopes in newspapers and magazines, along with the daily predictions broadcast every morning by major radio stations. Those who could afford it preferred a long, confidential chat with the likes of the felicitously named Madame Soleil—her real name. So popular was she that her clientele ranged from veteran Communist Party members to priests, along with a sampling of politicians and cabinet members. The political traffic in her salon got so heavy that, to avoid conflict, she had to reserve certain days for right-wingers and others for the left.
FRENCH ASTROLOGY WENT DIGITAL in the 1960s with something called Astroflash, the brainchild of a supermarket chain. It would be good marketing, they thought, to offer their starry-eyed customers computerized horoscopes. It became so popular that they opened a boutique in a mall on the Champs-Elysées. The computer, duly informed of place, date, and hour of birth, pumped out up to 500 personalized horoscopes a day at about $15 a shot. It is claimed that one of those was for a certain Charles de Gaulle, but it strains credulity to think the outrageously self-assured general needed that crutch to find out who he really was and how best to annoy les américains that day.
The Internet and e-mail have given the French still other ways to satisfy their insatiable craving for this stuff. Today astrology sites get more hits than any others in the country. In addition, more than a million subscribers receive their horoscope by e-mail every morning, to read along with their café au lait and croissant. In the land of toujours l’amour, one site has spun off a television channel programming not only hourly horoscopes, but also a “lovescope” and “Eroscope,” the latter titillation viewable only after midnight.
French astrologers are being coy about how Nicolas Sarkozy, an Aquarius, will do in the 2012 election next April. “His astrological theme is very ambivalent,” says Elizabeth Teissier with Delphic prudence. “It shows a big change coming up in his life, but its exact nature is unclear. Besides,” she confesses with candor unusual in her profession, “elections are always unpredictable.”
But other astrologers, while leaving plenty of latitude for interpretation, consider the omens tolerably good for Sarkozy. “You will benefit from good professional protection that will guarantee job stability for the long term,” says one, “and you will be able to consolidate your career.” That should help him decide to declare his candidacy, which all France awaits with bated breath as the Nouvelle Année begins.
About the Author
Joseph A. Harriss is The American Spectator’s Paris correspondent. His latest book, An American Spectator in Paris, was released this fall.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (35) | Leave a comment
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c. j. acworth| 1.5.12 @ 6:17AM
Swell, another good reason to ignore France, if any were needed.
Michael Tomlinson| 1.5.12 @ 8:26AM
Right on!
gran torino| 1.5.12 @ 7:00AM
Don't forget the French to this day have a job candidate's handwriting analysed (that's why you need to submit your cover letter in handwritten form). Serious stuff! And Madame Soleil has her own investment banker, so someone is definitely doing something right.
Ken (Old Texican)| 1.5.12 @ 7:30AM
Astrology Idiots.
Harry| 1.5.12 @ 9:48AM
Ken, old man!
So glad to see your post! I've been wondering what happened to you. Thought you might be sick or (God forbid) dead.
I see a post from Margie now and then, so I know she's still kicking, and I mean kicking as in kicking ass. That woman is a real religious dynamo!
Hope you two have kissed and made up by now.
L. Ross| 1.5.12 @ 7:51AM
I don't know why you guys are being so hard on the French. I mean, it makes perfect sense to believe that balls of rock millions of miles away, and balls of gas hundreds of millions of miles away control life on earth. Doesn't it?
KyMouse| 1.5.12 @ 8:05AM
"Strangely, most of their great cathedrals have astrological symbols incongruously sculpted into their columns and porticos and illuminated in their stained glass windows, right along with images of Jesus, the Virgin Mary, and the saints."
Do you mean constellations, which are patterns of stars to which human beings have assigned names? References to constellations are frequent in the science of astronomy, and being able to point out Taurus, Pisces, Aries and the other "signs of the Zodiac" (as well as planets) doesn't necessarily mean that one believes they influence human lives.
Although the sculptors and even those who hired them may have been interested in astrology, it isn't "incongruous" to incorporate symbols which remind us that "the heavens declare the glory of God" (Psalms 19:1).
Say Baptist| 1.5.12 @ 8:08AM
In the late '60s there was a kiosk in Grand Central Station with a then state of the art IBM 360 grinding out horoscopes. What's your sign? was a standard pick up line. I don't think we can sneer at the French.
Michael Tomlinson| 1.5.12 @ 8:28AM
Who cares about the Frogs and asstrology?
Occam's Tool| 2.23.12 @ 5:11PM
Please keep in mind the difference between Frogs to Step on (the French) and Frogs to Cherish (TCU Coeds).
Say Baptist| 1.5.12 @ 8:45AM
If you study the history of science you'll discover that chemistry grew out of Alchemy and Astronomy out of Astrology. Kepler, who understood that the orbits were eliptical rather than circular (paving the way for Newton) cast many a horoscope. Newton wrote more on religion than on science. I think we should show a little humility at our own folly.
Lev Tolstoy| 1.5.12 @ 10:32AM
Newton was also an avid astrologer, as were Johannes Kepler and Leibniz, the other inventors of the Calculus.
Stefan Stackhouse| 1.5.12 @ 9:10AM
Create a vacuum and people will resort to anything to try and fill it.
"Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee." - St. Augustine, Confessions
Peppermint Tea| 1.5.12 @ 9:54AM
Why, exactly, are we supposed to like the French?
Oh, that's right. Johnny Depp lives there.
Stammon| 1.5.12 @ 10:22AM
Why the English hate the French is beyond this Dane. America is an English country. I know this from your inability to spell my name. Really... "a nation of shopkeepers"... how apt.
Pot soi moque du chaudron.
Matthew Quigley| 1.5.12 @ 7:18PM
Kiss my Irish ass. The English speak English (barely), the Americans speak American. The English are a monarchy, the Americans have (for now) a republic.
You, sir, are an idiot.
And the French are an irrelevency.
spike59| 1.9.12 @ 2:10PM
they aspire to become an annoyance
spike59| 1.9.12 @ 2:10PM
they aspire to become an annoyance
With God all things r possible| 1.5.12 @ 8:22PM
A nation of soldiers who rescued Europe three times in the last century, twice from Germany and once from Russia. Denmark included.
Ne kadar buyuk cami, imam bildigini okur.
Lev Tolstoy| 1.5.12 @ 10:30AM
Say what you like about astrology, it costs the state nothing, unlike the therapeutic disciplines that have replaced it, often at court ordered insistence. No astrologer ever dreamed up repressed memory syndrome, or sex addiction, or made it illegal to spank your children, or any of the other rationalizations for make work fields for women that big government has foisted upon us to create the nanny state. Astrology always counsels free will and personal responsibility.
Petronius| 1.5.12 @ 11:12AM
It beats gutting journalists to read their entrails when we know what they're full of anyway. Astrology holds sway over so many because people prefer amusement in the face of awful truth. Not that it matters. Our Lady spoke at Fatima. "Russia will spread her heirs throughout the world." That's what's happening. The great herd is addicted to the childish sentiments of Marx because they do not understand the consequences. And as all the risk is on their betters, they could care less. Even when the world hits bottom, they still will not learn. The demand for the perpetual kindergarten society of Scandinavia will be greater and all ambitions for personal Freedom will be permanently entombed. The world would rather drown in misery than see one man elevate himself by himself, lest the lack of character among the masses be made manifest. Clueless is as clueless does.
Le Cracquere| 1.5.12 @ 11:21AM
Maybe. However, it seems rash to dismiss out of hand the idea of gutting journalists and reading their entrails.
Cromulent| 1.5.12 @ 12:52PM
Point to La Cracquere.
Le Cracquere| 1.5.12 @ 11:24AM
This is what the lack of a Shakespeare can do to one's culture. How would a French Cassius have put it? Something like "la faute, cher Brute, ne se trouve pas dans les étoiles, mais en nous-mêmes."
Vern Crisler| 1.5.12 @ 2:22PM
Recall Mark Twain's assessment, which went something like, God created man a littler lower than the angels, and a little higher than the French.
A less than gentle crack at the expense of the French, but French idiosyncracies tend to aggravate in that way.
Mike Hawk| 1.5.12 @ 7:38PM
Other quotes from Mark Twian.
In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
- The Innocents Abroad
There is nothing lower than the human race except the French.
- quoted by Carl Dolmetsch, Our Famous Guest
It is human to like to be praised; one can even notice it in the French.
- "What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us"
In certain public indecencies the difference between a dog & a Frenchman is not perceptible.
- Notebook #17, October 1878 - February 1879
PJ| 1.5.12 @ 6:10PM
But they make such yummy cheeses & wines & croissants & baguettes! Can we not forgive them this 1 time over their astrology obsession!
Matthew Quigley| 1.5.12 @ 7:22PM
They have an aversion to bathing, women with hairy armpits, a tendency to surrender without firing a shot and a taste for pretension.
Also, they were beaten on the field of battle by the Mexicans. If that alone doesn't provide evidence as to how useless the French are as a nation, I don't know what does.
Mike Hawk| 1.5.12 @ 8:07PM
It was a bunch of Mestizos and a herd of cattle as I recall.
Gen Patton is reputed to have said,"I'd rather have a German Division in front of me than a French Division behind me."
With God all things r possible| 1.5.12 @ 8:26PM
Another evidence of the spiritual corruption of the French people, along with their adultery, their weakness on the battlefield, and their arrogance to the point of absurdity.
POST American| 1.5.12 @ 10:41PM
---------------------FINAL WORD----------------------
--Great piece!
NOW, speaking of 'signs' ---DO take in
the signs on the ground all around us
FUKISHIMA ---dis--appears
---continuing tranfers, funded by the
US taxpayer, of economy and technology
to the Globalist created RED China
-----YET unfolding police state measure
across the land
--------Newly revealed saturation of the
food chain and enviornment with sterilizing
BPA (NOW even in printer ink and paper
---including toilet paper!)
--------90% of the western male population
reckoned to be functionally infertile.
Men, even in their 30's!, seekign hormone
treatments to even be active!
(BPA ---IS ESTROGEN!)
--------30 MILLION undocumented Mexicans
roaming the economically collapsed landscape
------------the ATF trying to criminalize the
2nd amendment via 'Fast and Furious'
---------------STAND BY activation of FEMA
camps nationwide
----------------3 MILLION firearms sold across
the US ---in Dec alone ---by, apparently,
an ALARMED populace
--------------------NDAA 1031 passed on the
222nd Anniversary of the Bill of Rights,
and signed on New Year's Eve. The
authorization of secret arrests, torture,
'disappearance', stripping of citizenship
and execution of Americans ---ANYWHERE!
---------the IOWA caucus now being revealed
to have been manipulated by widespread
VOTER FRAUD!
------------------READ THOSE SIGNS-----------------
-------------PRAYERFULLY READ THEM-----------
spike59| 1.9.12 @ 2:08PM
wake me up when one of two things happen with the French:
1-they stop eating snails on purpose
2-they stop finding Jerry Lewis funny
until then, i see no reason to take them seriously
spike59| 1.9.12 @ 2:08PM
wake me up when one of two things happen with the French:
1-they stop eating snails on purpose
2-they stop finding Jerry Lewis funny
until then, i see no reason to take them seriously
spike59| 1.9.12 @ 2:08PM
wake me up when one of two things happen with the French:
1-they stop eating snails on purpose
2-they stop finding Jerry Lewis funny
until then, i see no reason to take them seriously
Symbolseeker | 1.11.12 @ 11:50PM
Translations of inscriptions dating 12,500 BC show reproductive calendars that instruct the birth of babies to be planned for winter solstice. This assured a minimum of predators, and maximum of parental attention as there was very little to do outside. Our ancestors noticed that children born at certain times of year were healthier and more productive during their lives, than ones born at other times. This was the beginning of astrology; it has changed much.