-
From the Obama Ministry of Truth
May 21, 2013 | 68 comments
-
Alan Abelson, RIP
May 10, 2013 | 20 comments
-
South Carolina on My Mind
April 30, 2013 | 31 comments
-
Dream Sequences
April 26, 2013 | 62 comments
-
Just Like a Woman
April 25, 2013 | 35 comments
Ben Stein's Diary
Major League Sinners
The view from the street and the TV studio.
(Page 2 of 3)
A Hispanic man wanted his picture taken with me. I stood between his wife and him. He told me he was in the Army and was headed for Afghanistan the next day. “You’re a star,” I said. “A real star.” His wife started to cry. I hugged her.
Then I hugged him and gave him my e-mail and told him if he wanted me to send him anything, I would.
What will it be like for him going from this lushness around 49th and Fifth and heading for some dusty miserable spot in Afghanistan where people will try to kill him? Will he even believe there is a place like the ice skating rink at the Rockefeller Center or will he think he dreamt it?
Meanwhile, what was Jesus writing in the dust?
Then back down south. A taxi came within inches of running me over at 47th and Fifth. He was running a light and almost killed me.
Then left at 44th, past Brooks Brothers, and then into the Yale Club. As I went in the revolving door, a middle aged woman with short, close cropped blond hair with one red streak, grabbed me. “Let’s go to the bar and have a drink,” she whispered. She was drunk. I mean, there is drunk and then there was this woman, who was in a coma.
I told her I did not drink and was going to the library. She followed me to the beautiful library. I tried to ignore her. I sat in a leather arm chair. She sat on my lap. “Look,” she said in a thick German accent, “I’ll keep this simple. I want you to come to my crappy little apartment and do me.”
“No,” I said.
“Why not?” she asked.
“One, I’m going back to my hotel to be with my wife, and two, I am going back to my hotel to be with my wife.”
The woman looked a bit like Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner and I was wondering if she would kill me by crushing my skull. But I bravely pushed her off my lap and walked to the elevator. On the elevator was a lovely middle-aged couple from Tulsa. By a great stroke of luck, she glommed onto them and I made my getaway to the men’s room.
When I got out, she was gone. As I left, I ran into Ed Schmults, if I have the spelling right. He was Deputy AG under Ed Meese, under Reagan, if I remember. He was with his stunningly beautiful wife, who was wearing a spectacular mink coat. Women wear fur in New York City. I don’t know what to say about that.
Mr. Schmults greeted me cheerily and off I went back to the Essex House. A long walk for me after a long day. At 59th and Sixth, I saw a pretty young woman with a very short skirt trying to hail a cab. I suggested to her that she walk over to the doorman at the Essex House and he would get her a taxi.
“Are you staying there, Mr. TV Man ?” she asked me.
“Yes, I am,” I answered her.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (33) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Ben Stein
More Articles From Ben Stein's Diary
http://spectator.org/archives/2011/12/08/major-league-sinners
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- Inside the Gates of Eden
- The Great Train Robbery
- Consternated Conferences
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
H/T to National Review Online
ADVERTISEMENT
Bob K.| 12.8.11 @ 8:48AM
I don't feel like reading this.
NYC since Bloomberg took over has become boreing!
Agnus Dei| 12.8.11 @ 11:42AM
Every pedestrian word the bloated Ben Stein has ever written is a lie, including every and & the.
Jack in Wi| 12.8.11 @ 5:04PM
Old Ben has really gotten vapid hasn't he? Well Been here are a few more sayings of Jesus. " Blessed are the peacemakers. Those who live by the sword will die by the sword. " Ben when you support sending that poor man off to Afganistan, you are very wrong. We have no business there. He should be home with his family defending these borders and shores, not those of Afganistaan and Pakistan.
Jacob R| 12.9.11 @ 7:42AM
Yea just like we stopped the threat of Nazism in Wisconsin!
Stefan Stackhouse| 12.8.11 @ 9:18AM
I think that Ben kind of answered his own question. Here he is, a gracefully aging (to be generous) man well past his prime, yet quite the babe magnet. Why? Because he is at least somewhat rich (rich enough to be giving away thousands of dollars of his own money on his own TV show), famous, and powerful enough at least to have access to a lot of people who are at lot more rich, famous and powerful than him.
So the question: Is it a good idea to place a person that has proven themselves to be less resistant to temptation than Ben apparently is into a position where they are going to get even more temptation? I think not.
Jacob R| 12.9.11 @ 7:43AM
You seem like an idiot.
Vern Crisler| 12.8.11 @ 9:32AM
Beautiful essay from Ben today. I think it's important to note that only Republicans are held to the highest of moral standards. When Democrats are caught, they are given their own shows on CNN.
Dave | 12.8.11 @ 9:56AM
Hey, Vern! Regarding your Republican/Democrat comparison, all I can say is ...
BINGO! Nailed it.
Fred C. Dobbs| 12.8.11 @ 2:24PM
Know whut ah mean, Vern?!
Stammon| 12.8.11 @ 11:15AM
I still have a NIXON/AGNEW bumper sticker. Got it as a kid, still think he was a good president. At least better than that fool we have now. And better than that rich fool who stole the election in 1960.
Stefan Stackhouse| 12.8.11 @ 12:24PM
Nixon's fatal flaw was that he overestimated those underneath him (they screwed up rather than doing what they REALLY needed to do, which was to not do anything that would jeapordize his presidency) and underestimated those against him (who were far more persistent and devious than he imagined).
Bill| 12.8.11 @ 2:17PM
Sadly, Nixon was a scumbag. However, he had enough of a sense of shame to resign rather than stay in office and risk being impeached. For that, he deserves some credit.
Daniel C Martin| 12.8.11 @ 12:25PM
Re: "Meanwhile, what was Jesus writing in the dust?"
He was drawing up the first Hail Mary play--for the adulteress.
It worked!
Vern Crisler| 12.8.11 @ 12:46PM
He was writing an epitaph for police who would entrap sinners -- doing the work of Satan for him; or for prosecutors who would use the law of God for personal gain or partisan purposes.
Bill| 12.8.11 @ 2:12PM
He was writing "Mene Mene Tekel and Upharsin."
Bill| 12.8.11 @ 2:06PM
"I met a young girl, she gave me a rainbow"? Ah, Ben, you were struck from the dim, distant past. Did you meet young man who walked a black dog?
Bill| 12.8.11 @ 2:10PM
Not a young man, but a white man. My mistake.
Peppermint Tea| 12.8.11 @ 2:13PM
I like the version my Catholic friend told me years ago:
While they were standing around, suddenly a stone flies out of the crowd and hits the adulteress right on the noggin and floors her. Jesus looks at the person who threw it and says, "Why did you have to do that? Mom."
Peppermint Tea| 12.8.11 @ 2:15PM
Another thought on Ben's discriminating behavior: he would hug a Nixonite, but not a poor working girl.
Fred C. Dobbs| 12.8.11 @ 2:28PM
I'll "hug" her for Ben.
Jacob R| 12.9.11 @ 7:47AM
More than likely you'll stay home on unemployment and comment about hugging her on Ben's article!
We're all so much better than Ben because we snipe him on his article comment section!!!! How dare that f-ing 1%er have more money than me?!?!
Actually my great grandpa knew Ben Stein and liked him very much despite being an atheist at the time.
Fred C. Dobbs| 12.8.11 @ 2:27PM
Re: Nixxon: A REAL conservative, Barry Goldwater, called him the biggest liar I've ever seen. AND, I think, a creep, to boot.
I like Ben, tho, especially his dog tales.
gary siebel| 12.8.11 @ 3:30PM
Better.
You actually got out and talked to strangers, sort of. But try a dive bar instead of an upscale one next time. Wear a mustache and beard if you have to -- I realize that celebrity brings it's own set of problems.
Seek| 12.8.11 @ 4:07PM
There are those who regard Nixon as a genuine foreign policy genius, a man possessed of a Churchillian wisdom about the rise and fall of nations. Nixon, it is often argued, was a man so extraordinary in his statecraft and insight that his transgressions could be overlooked. A true Republican.
Bill| 12.8.11 @ 4:21PM
Others credit Henry Kissinger with steering Nixon on the Kissinger Path of international relations.
Margie| 12.8.11 @ 4:50PM
I found the interview:
http://www.booktv.org/Program/.....ecord.aspx
Margie| 12.8.11 @ 5:17PM
That was supposed to appear below my post.
The interview is with Monica Crowley on Book t.v. in 1996 about her book on Nixon.
Margie| 12.8.11 @ 4:42PM
For a good read on the real Nixon, not the one his haters have, read Monica Crowley's book: Nixon: Off the Record.
Then check out her interview on C-span where she discusses both him and the book.
It totally changed how I looked at the man.
Oh, and Ben: I know what you mean about those Russians. I married one. Blonde, Hazel eyes, and built like a Greek god. But his face, ah, his face!
We have also adopted a hound dog, a Fox Hound. Someone let him go and we took him in and have fallen in love with him. Not only does he snore, but he makes the most hilarious sounds when he whines.. how do you break them of this?
Dixon| 12.8.11 @ 7:39PM
Margie, dear, I thought you had a thing going with Ken (Old Texican). Did you two have a falling out?
Margie| 12.8.11 @ 8:14PM
Dixon Troll:
Ken has an issue with God.
To you & Him both: PREPARE TO MEET HIM.
"But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death." Rev. 21:18.
Wayne| 12.8.11 @ 5:41PM
The media and the left (one and the same) don't care about the sin, they care about it being a conservative. When they see it a hypocrisy, they feast.
POST American| 12.8.11 @ 11:31PM
---AS Congress, just days ago, authorizes
the 'disappearance' of even American citizens
(READ the fine print kiddies!) ----STILL NO
discussion of the Law of Moses ABOMINATION
that is USURY
-----------------or the actuarial psychopathy
of USURY on crack, ie fractional reserve lending.
"---And David 'counted' the tribes." --INDEED.
---------------HUAC/ Nuremberg 2012----------------
Rich Rostrom| 12.9.11 @ 1:01AM
1) I don't think Cain is a sinner, particularly.
2) However, it's the media's job to tell us about people who want us to give them authority and power - the good and the bad. The hypocrisy is in what they choose to tell about whom, and what they withhold. They covered for JFK, they covered for the Clintons, they covered for Barney Frank, they covered for Edwards, they covered for Obama. They are merciless toward Republicans and conservatives. But they say they aren't partisan!