Good news for the Cain campaign, along the lines of the old joke
about the millionaire heading into a big meeting when his wife
calls to say she has good news and bad news.
“Honey,” he says breathlessly. “I have no time to talk
before the meeting. Please just give me the good news real fast now
and we can discuss the bad news afterwards.”
“Okay, dear,” she replies. “The good news is that the air
bags on your new Ferrari work really well.”
The good news for the Cain campaign is the candidate says
he is ready to move full speed ahead as soon as he gets done
speaking to his wife this weekend. As of right now, he claims no
one has harassed the opposite sex in his family, but one doubts
that will still be the case by next Monday. His wife, Gloria, may
overlook his thirteen-year affair, but the fact that he went to the
Tyson-Holyfield fight in Las Vegas without her is
unforgivable.
One need not be a great political handicapper to predict
that the Cain bid is no longer able. Having to go home to sing
“Gloria”
is not a thrilling prospect.
Gloria, don’t you think you’re
falling?
If everybody wants you
Why isn’t anybody calling?
You don’t have to answer
Leave ‘em hanging on the line
Calling… Gloria!
Gloria, I think they got your
number
I think they got the alias
That you’ve been living under
But you really don’t remember
Was it something that they said?
Or the voices in your head?
Calling… Gloria!
The Cain saga is a sad one in many ways. A capable and
successful man, he consistently confounded the low expectations of
others. When he began at Godfather’s Pizza, they assigned him the
bad neighborhoods of Philadelphia as his region of responsibility.
It was a dead area for them and consigning him to that quicksand
showed how little regarded he was; he was an affirmative-action
token diversity hire and he could have treaded water in that
sinecure for years.
Instead he turned the region around and got promoted to
main office, which was slipping itself. He turned the whole company
around and eventually became a partner in a syndicate which ran it
profitably. The recognition he gained there catapulted him to the
head of the National Restaurant Association and eventually he
became a member of the Federal Reserve.
All of that history made him an appealing alternative to
the political class, and when Republican primary voters soured on
Perry (too unfocused) and Bachmann (too focused) and Paul (too
radical) and Santorum (too holy) and Huntsman (no personality) and
Gingrich (too much personality), it suddenly came down to Romney
and Cain. Perhaps Cain was on the everyman’s wavelength, folks
thought as they listened to his broadcasts, but when they lacked
high fidelity, people tuned out.
The question which leaves some pundits scratching their
heads is why Newt should be picking up Herman’s steam. After all,
Newt has been known to adulterate his own views from time to time.
If Cain has to be Mister Clean, why does Gingrich suddenly have
stigmata instead of stigma?
The answer, I believe, is that voters will spot a
candidate one of two flaws but not both. He can be inexperienced in
the area of politics if he can show us irreproachable results on
all the other battlefields of life. Or he can be a bit of a creep
if he is strong on his policy positions and capable of building
support. We will not give anyone a twofer: no inexperienced cads
need apply. We could have numbed ourselves to the nouveau Cain but
not to the man who plants his sins at the Holyfield.
In general, Mister Cain is a fine man, with talent and
ability and sincerity. He spoke beautifully to The
American Spectator dinner in November and we were
fortunate to have had him in the mix. The true person is much
larger than the sum of his weakest episodes, but the scrutiny of
our politics is relentless. His candidacy may still provide a model
for a future outsider, if they have his upsides without his
downsides.
And as for what Gloria will say this weekend, I think we
can safely predict that Herman will seek transit on
Monday.
