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Another Perspective
Last Protester Standing
It’s going to be the next big thing on Occupy TV.
ABC television has just announced that it will unveil a new survivor reality series, “Occupy Whatever!” based on the popular Occupy movement that has popped up in scores of cities across America and is proving to have universal appeal — not just in the U.S. but also London. (A new group calling itself Occupy Tahiti has just emerged in Papeete, protesting a 2.3 decline in orchid production. A further outrage is that a major Tahitian export, vanilla, is owned by one percent of Tahitians.)
“We think this thing has real legs,” said Jarvis T. Bimstein, vice president of reality programming at ABC-TV. “We even test-marketed a couple of Occupy Whatever! shows in Duluth, Minn., and Vallejo, Calif., that had great numbers. It’s going to be the next big thing on TV.”
The concept, as Bimstein explains it, would be to see which protester ends up surviving the longest in all the encampments around America (licensed by the network) that have begun to attract diverse demonstrators — freelance homeless people, colorful drug addicts, gifted sidewalk performers, unemployed sign-painters, radical college professors, and random loonies.
The movement has engaged the public and fascinated the press, whose non-stop coverage of the Occupy movement first suggested to Bimstein that there just might be a TV series in the phenomenon. “We decided to strike now while the country’s attention is still riveted on the actual Occupiers,” he said.
The cast of the pilot show, comprised of protesters drawn at random from actual encampments, will set up their tents and attempt to out-last each other while fending off mock police raids that want to shut them down, adding to the dramatic impact.
Those demonstrators voted off the park or plaza will be forced to leaver the encampment, but not before delivering a snarky comment or two about their fellow survivor hopefuls. On the test-marketed Duluth show, semi-finalist Dotty Cranshaw, 34, endured a brutal early-winter snowstorm, a robbery, several sexual predators and a rabid pit bull in the adjoining tent. Cranshaw lasted six weeks with only a small he plate, a few blankets, and a well-thumbed copy of People magazine.
When her plight was featured on YouTube, Cranshaw was contacted by ABC-TV and asked if she would be willing to appear on “Occupy Whatever!” As Bimstein recalled, “She told me, ‘Hey, dude, why not? It’s a pay day.’” After signing a routine release form, Cranshaw was flown to Hollywood to appear on the debut “Occupy Whatever!” show that begins Dec. 15 at 9 pm/8 Central.
Cranshaw will be stationed on a traffic island in West Los Angeles competing against retired sidewalk mime Fred Flanders, street people Jack R. (Big Mac) McDingle and Ella Grady. English teacher Joel. C. Ashberg and a prominent guest protester to be named later — possibly Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan fulfilling a community service gig picking up on-site trash.
Viewers will watch protesters interacting in various realistic situations before deciding which participants should be voted off the traffic island. In the Vallejo, Calif., test run, when a small fire broke out in one of the tents near city hall, inhabitants of the camp were forced to react. Fran Ranter, a student protester who slept through the fire, was asked to leave the encampment, but not before she explained her actions to the camera. In a trembling voice, Ranter said:
“I’ve done nothing to warrant being voted off. It’s just so darn unfair! Anyone could fall asleep in this weather. It’s freezing out here.” Ranter vowed to return in another “Occupy Whatever!” protest site in Burbank.
She claimed other female protesters were jealous of her good looks, but a woman in a nearby tent said, “She’s just a bitch and nobody out here liked her. You call what she did — holding an upside-down sign — protesting? She was an embarrassment to the entire camp from the moment she showed up with her stupid cat.”
Bimstein noted that Occupiers will need to be ready to react to any and all challenges to determine which protesters will be eligible for the final showdown, to be telecast from the Hollywood Bowl before several thousand fans cheering on their favorite finalists.
A few of the difficult situations contestants will be forced to deal with in coming weeks include a simulated 5.7 earthquake and tsunami, speeches by local politicians trying to grab some TV face time, confused pizza delivery boys and a dangerous outbreak of folksingers. Protesters who fail to make the final cut will still be eligible to participate in out-of-town road-show encampments.
Bimstein said that several sponsors for the series have been lined up — the Coleman lantern company, Eddie Bauer, a trail mix distributor and two porta-potty companies. Bimstein points out that not only will the new show draw a cross-section of viewers but will also provide part-time employment for many out of work protesters. “We feel we’re giving something back to the country,” the ABC executive remarked.
About the Author
Gerald Nachman is a writer in San Francisco and most recently the author of Right Here on Our Stage Tonight!: Ed Sullivan’s America (University of California Press).
Kevin| 11.28.11 @ 6:33AM
I'd be willing to volunteer to "occupy" any warm tropical paradise if it'll help the cause.
Alan Brooks| 11.28.11 @ 8:28PM
Just wait until your convention in Florida is disrupted, hopefully ruined so you get the message you can't keep electing Cheney and Roves cabals.
Eight years you wasted- I'll never forgive you for that.
Alan Brooks| 11.28.11 @ 8:30PM
...12 years including Bush 41.
BUNGLERS.
Dick Nome| 11.28.11 @ 6:54AM
Big Vanilla is realing screwing the Tahitians. They deserve to be occupied.
Brian Mc| 11.28.11 @ 7:31AM
A perfect venue for the new Toyota Prius spots that eerily remind me of the Progressive Lady's banter, only in sing-song.
Mike Hawk| 11.28.11 @ 8:54AM
Have you seen the new ads for the plug-in Prius?? I wonder if you can do rugs with it.
Appleby| 11.28.11 @ 7:37AM
I think there probably ARE half a dozen Occupiers working on screenplays. And there will probably be a TeeVee movie that will include sex, foul language, fist fights and property destruction -- if its produced in Canada it will be financed by taxpayer grants and run on the CBC which gets $1 billlion per year that it now has to start accounting for -- and for the extra Canadian Touch we have the Black Bloc, which has nothing to do with race and everything to do with Quebec. Although only 4 of them showed up in Toronto and this time no downtown stores were smashed up or looted and no cop cars set on fire, these exciting fillips could be added, with the looters entitled to keep everything they can steal as the police stand idly by. Hey, google G20 Toronto and watch the fun the Black Bloc provided!
Having spent yesterday afternoon at the theatre watching the 50th anniversary remastered Ben Hur with a 3/4 full theatre of people who now know what movies CAN be like, I wouldnt give Occupy [Insert Four Letter Vulgarity Here] much chance of success. But I guarantee you scripts are being written in basements all over Toddlerland.
Seek| 11.28.11 @ 5:27PM
Go see Martin Scorsese's new movie, "Hugo," to see what great movies CAN be like. Most films released 50 years ago are forgotten for the simple reason that they were so forgettable in the first place. We remember the classics only; that's why they're called classics.
Appleby| 11.28.11 @ 5:44PM
I have sight in only one eye so cannot attend 3D movies; they give me a world class headache. Besides, modern movies have to be broadcast at 102 dB apparently because their under-30 audience is deaf.
Petronius| 11.28.11 @ 9:22AM
This project is dead at the dock. There's nothing this bunch of clueless ninnies and malcontents hate more than the necessity to compete to get a living in this country. Just what kind of inane contests could a producer dream up which would put enough ambition into one of these losers to get off his indolent ass ? Drum smashing maybe? I say there should be an intensely sarcastic nature special, shot from a distance with appropriate commentary on grooming, mating habits, scavenging, and even a crew from the Fish and Wildlife Service sedating a few of them and recording statistics. After all, the homo sub-humanus has become of a type.
DTOM| 11.28.11 @ 9:58AM
It's always so frustrating when somebody completely misses intentional sarcasm. But that's what make it so dangerous. And so fun.
Petro' look at you foot, Gerry's tugging on your leg, man. Good morning...
Petronius| 11.28.11 @ 1:19PM
I was just pointing out that Gerry's expectations are beyond the pale considering what would wind up in the can in view that he underestimates the passivity of the Occupiers. They wouldn't compete heads up against each other over anything. What they want to do on television is attack an enemy who doesn't dare fight back in front of the cameras of network news producers who abet their criminal activities and would turn the lot of them into a pack of O.J.'s should they get arrested and indicted.
Melvin| 11.28.11 @ 9:34AM
Hmm rather convenient location. Nice warm tropical climate, protesters looking like they just stepped out of Maxim and Vogue to play as if they were part of the oppressed masses.
The networks are not going to put some foul mouthed, foul smelling, greasy protester in front of the camera. Only Maxim or Vogue washboard types need apply.
Tina B| 11.29.11 @ 10:08AM
Oh my gosh, I've got it, Occupy-chic!!!!!
Remember heroin chic? When Kate Moss and her buds put eye shadow below the eyes so they could look strung out? Like they weren't?
We shall soon see Occupy chic, I just know it. I have my finger on the pulse, que nos?
Let's see, what will they be seeing on the runways of Paris and Rome this spring? The decor will be worn looking tents and lawn chairs, hundreds of poorly written posters and signs, flashlights and camping stoves, the smell of butane and feces. Lots of dirty blankets.
And the fashion, what will be the height of fashion this season? Denim with holes and raggedy hems, more blankets, knit hats and fingerless gloves, I haven't actually been to any of the protests but I've seen a lot of news footage and pictures. I can only imagine the rest. Nevermind.
SCM| 11.28.11 @ 12:54PM
Is it the First of April already? Great! I didn't even have to shovel any snow!!!
Ron| 11.28.11 @ 1:28PM
I would like to challenge one of the "Occasionally Washing Selves" to 1 on 1 live, gladiatorial combat on live TV... I will even give them the advantage of being a secutor and I will use the weapons of a retiarii...That would give ABC a real show...They could stage it at an area built at each of the OWS sites, and it can rotate each week...Watch those ratings soar!!!!
Buck Ofama| 11.28.11 @ 3:04PM
Make another bullshit tv show to capitalize off the whining babies that hate capitalism. Great idea.
Sterling Abernathy| 11.28.11 @ 4:39PM
Yeah, there's going to be a tipping point, the last known survivors of the Occubagger bowel movement will be kikkin' around their encampment in a small pod on a cold winter day/night, while those few stalwarts will start whistling, walking slowly backwards, turn and run for a taxi, never to be seen again...
No one wants to be the last Occubagger, how embarrassing...
Appleby| 11.28.11 @ 5:48PM
Today the cops booted another batch of Occupiers out of a squat in a city owned building. Personally I would follow up with a call to Orkin.
P.S. one of our local squatters is named Stefoknee. Honest pirate, she is.
Tony in Central PA| 11.28.11 @ 8:27PM
Funny how none of these occupiers direct their ire at the universities who charged them six - figure tuitions for their degrees in gender studies and sociology. Nor do they seem particularly angry with the government, even though the government gave away " their money " to banks and corporations.
This movement will result in people killing each other in significant numbers before it ends. Its like the devil's version of the Tea Party.
marshcope| 11.28.11 @ 9:01PM
Last Occupier Standing sounds a little like Spartacus--the last gladiator standing after killing all the rest one after the other got crucified.
POST American| 11.28.11 @ 11:10PM
OWS is funded, controlled and directed
by SOROS.
"SOROS is nothing more than a frontman
fo ROT-child."
---------------HUAC/ Nuremberg 2012----------------
Not A "Whiner", A Defender| 12.5.11 @ 2:12PM
First of all, this TV show is simply meant to be another distraction. Much like a large majority of the daily events of the general American citizen. The media does a very good job at making the Occupy Wallstreet Movement look like a bunch of dirty kids complaining about how much money they dont have and how much they dont want to work with it. But if the closed-minded people who see them that way would at least try to see it from a different perspective, I think the 99% will be better understood. Whether you like it or not, you are more than likely a member of the 99%. Are you a billionaire? Do you make a living while barely having to lift a finger? Do you share with 400 other people half of this nations net wealth? If you cant answer yes to any of those questions, you should reconsider your stance in this situation. You are among 99% of Americans who are fighting for half of this nations net wealth, because thats all that is available to us. Some of you, seemingly the more judgemental, are far better off than others. But cant you think of it from the perspective of someone who was not born as lucky as you? Many are born into poverty, and in this day and age it is hard to climb the ladder of success from the very bottom of the bottom. Some are capable of doing that, by working nonstop and trading life for paper, by sacrificing everyday pleasures for profit, by becoming a part of the system. For others, it is not this easy. Some are not capable of such long workdays, some are not skilled or knowledgeable because of unfair opportunities, some are too busy trying to simply survive that it is impossible to live the American Dream of being in the middle class and "getting by". Why should the lives of those at the lower end of the 99% be so terribly difficult, while the lives of those at the head of the pyramid scheme are living luxuriously without having to do much work at all? Trickle down economics don't work. Period. The rich keep getting richer, while the poor keep getting poorer. It may not seem so bad here in the land of the free, because of the amount of distractions there are, and because of the condition of parts of the rest of the world. But why should the standard be "work your ass off or be miserable"? Why should it be commonly accepted that just "getting by" is now the goal? What happened to the quality of living? I support this movement, not because I am a whiny kid who doesnt want to work for my well being, but because I have been working, and have gone nowhere. Because it's easier for me to buy a gun than it is to buy my education. Because waiting tables isnt going to raise my children and give me enough income to live how I grew up, in a middle classed home that just had enough to "get by". Because our forests are being clearcut, our resources are being drained, our rivers polluted, our air unclean, our educational system dumbed down, our rights taken away right under our feet. There are many reasons that this movement is necessary, because there are many problems that are not being addressed. People keep saying that the Occupiers dont seem to know what theyre protesting, simply because every sign raises a different issue. Thats because many issues need to be raised! There have been many solutions brought up, and many discussions had, but because the protesters are not heard, people say we are just complaining, not offering sollutions. False! We are simply not heard!
For those of you that are unaware, the Bill of Rights has been abolished and has been replaced with a bill that deems America as a "battleground" and gives the US the right the forcefully enter your home and detain you if it is deemed that you are a "terrorist", this takes away every right you have as a citizen, and gives the US the right to incarcerate you FOREVER. The US defines a "terrorist" as many things, such as rights activists for humans and animals, people who travel alone, those who quote or defend the Constitution, those who are "overly" religious, those who look like too much of a "nice-guy", and so on. If you dont believe me, research it yourself. Educate yourself. You have no rights, and I bet you didnt even know it.
The Occupy Movement is a stand against fascism, capitalism, and corruption, and a call for the reinstatement of REAL DEMOCRACY. The Occupy Movement is the most patriotic movement in effect right now, and if you value your freedom, you will educate yourself instead of making assumptions based on your own bias and that of the government regulated media. And vote Ron Paul, of course.