-
Roger and Me
April 10, 2013 | 33 comments
-
Whatever Happened to Tom Lehrer?
April 9, 2013 | 42 comments
-
White Is the New Black
January 3, 2013 | 56 comments
-
Undercover Military Secrets Revealed
December 7, 2012 | 8 comments
-
Gay Like Me
August 15, 2012 | 20 comments
Breaking News
Wall Streeters Throw in the Towel
In case you haven’t heard…
Scores of financiers on Wall Street and at brokerage firms around the country have quickly surrendered in the face of further protests by the Occupy Wall Street movement.
“We know when we’re beat,” said C. Lance Sherman III, seen leaving Goldman Sachs at the close of last Wednesday’s trading. “I thought we could stand up to the protesters but it’s pretty clear they’ve got us outnumbered.” Sherman has decided to sell all of his own investments and open up a mom and pop grocery store in Teaneck. N.J. “I want to be closer to the people,” he explained.
Likewise, Hartley Van Tassell, a 63-year-old banker with the Bank of America, is resigning in disgust. “Listening to the Occupiers convinced me that my life spent making money has been totally useless, so I’m getting out of it after 40 years. I’m way too rich.” One Wall Street financier, J.W. Bartholomew, has decided to hand back his $500,000 bonus this year and donate 10 percent of his income to a small neighborhood mortgage company. “I’ve finally seen the error of my ways,” said Bartholomew as he left Trinity Church in downtown Manhattan.
Trish Malone Frobisher, a guilt-ridden hedge fund manager at Morgan Stanley, lamented that she had made so much money when most of her friends were making less. “I’ve had it with being a greedy bastard,” she said. “Next year I plan to do all I can to earn less money. I’m really sick of being among the wealthiest one percent of the country. Bleah!”
Veteran Occupier Ned Schmitz exulted when told the news that so many Wall Street executives had finally seen the light. “I didn’t realize we would have such an immediate impact,” he said. “It just shows how much you can change people overnight if you really put your mind to it.” Schmitz was surprised when a Wall Street firm offered him a job as a day trader, but he turned it down. “It would mean making a lot more money than my current job as bike messenger, and I’d have to give up my tent in the park. No way, pal!”
Kevin T. Scrooge, CEO of Scrooge & Marley and great-great-great grandson of the venerable accounting firm’s London founder, told reporters he was persuaded by the Occupiers’ arguments to put his multi-billion dollar company up for sale on Craigslist and accept the lowest bid. “If I don’t get a low enough offer, I’ll just give away the company to Goodwill,” said Scrooge as he skipped down Wall Street, whistling merrily.
About the Author
Gerald Nachman is a writer in San Francisco and most recently the author of Right Here on Our Stage Tonight!: Ed Sullivan’s America (University of California Press).
Letter to the Editor View all comments (62) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Gerald Nachman
More Articles From Breaking News
http://spectator.org/archives/2011/11/04/wall-streeters-throw-in-the-to
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- The Continuing Crisis
- Downton’s Class System — and Ours
- Boys and Girls
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
ADVERTISEMENT
Tina B| 11.4.11 @ 6:42AM
wow, you almost had me believing. . . .what about Scrooge McDuck, has he repented?
I'm not giving away my meager retirement, by the way. It's already feading four of us and two of us are teenagers, HELP!
ENOUGH ROPE| 11.4.11 @ 9:38PM
Good satire Mr. Nachman. You must be a literary descendent of Jonathan Swift of "A Modest Proposal" fame.
ENOUGH ROPE| 11.4.11 @ 9:55PM
Seriously folks, if you want to know what the Wall Street and ruling elites in Washington think of the stock market, then read carefully this article:
Our Fragile "Hothouse" Economy (November 3, 2011) at http://www.oftwominds.com/blog.....11-11.html
Here is an excerpt: "The smart money sold in May, 2010, and the disbelievers among the Power Elite sold in May 2011, or perhaps August. Now those below the smart money (but still above the dumb money) are sniffing the fetid hothouse air, where the rank, sweaty desperation of the minders is now ever present."
Ah! That's why C. Lance Sherman III opened a grocery store!
Tina B| 11.4.11 @ 6:42AM
feeding. . .sorry
Brian Mc| 11.4.11 @ 6:52AM
Yep...I'm gonna stop working today. I'm making way too much 'profit' and there are starving people, you know.
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:05PM
Where do these OWS communists think the money/job is going to come from?
They don't want jobs.
They want redistribution.
I say get to work.
Go protest in Washington, so that they can be free from over taxation and regulation and open a business.
After all they are so educated and intelligent.
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:09PM
Of course they don't want to share their gourmet food with the homeless and truly poor.
Money grubbers.
Did anyone read the story about these OWS protesters?
One news organization googled the addresses of those arrested and most had middle to UPPER middle class homes.
Living with mom and dad perhaps, but not poor.
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:28PM
BTW
Thanks for the chuckle. You had me for....2 seconds. That is sad.
Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 11.4.11 @ 7:07AM
Ironically, this aritcle, while written in jest, has a strange underlayment of truth.
A deli located by Zucotti Park layed off 20 people and may have to close down.
Even stranger, one of the occupants went on a rampage yesterday and started kicking tents down, claiming he had been there from the begining. Whatever that means.
http://www.nypost.com/p/news/l.....jw9RZ5xcSM
Appleby| 11.4.11 @ 7:19AM
Wait until cabin fever sets in as they realize just how miserable permanent homelessness really is, when the only safety valve is Mommy and the camera never sleeps...
It shows just how ignorant the kiddies are, that they started this tantrum so close to a Nothern Winter. Praying for a Noreaster real soon.
Moe Blotz| 11.4.11 @ 8:32AM
Nor'easter hit last week, a meager three inches of snow dumped in New York.
Brubaker| 11.5.11 @ 9:43AM
There will be more.
JimH| 11.4.11 @ 8:14AM
You left out John Galt becoming a community organizer
Appleby| 11.4.11 @ 10:56AM
See you at Galt's Gulch.
Al Adab| 11.4.11 @ 11:40AM
Maybe we could reserve Akston's diner for our Amspec blogger convention. What's the house Scotch?
Butch| 11.4.11 @ 4:14PM
If it's got "Diner" in its name, you can bet it ain't Laphroaig, Al.
Dmac| 11.4.11 @ 9:09AM
I find it a bit scary that no one seems to comment on the fact that the Wall Streeters actually have a point about the way American corporations behave. Let me ask all my middle class friends with 401K's a question. Does it bother you that everytime your 401K starts to go up in value the market suddenly plunges and you lose all the gains you've maid? It bothers the hell out of me. The only money I seem t5o make on my 401K is what my employer matches, and when the market takes one of its nose dives I lose that as well.
Its all fine and dandy to poke fun at those in the OWL crowd that have no intention of ever working for a living, but not all of them are that way. Lets not paint with such a wide brush. All of us no Wall Street has some terrible problems with constant manipulation of the markets.
I have no problem with people making money, I have a problem when they steal it from my 401K, and the Wall Street bunch has been doing that for 20 years. Enough is enough.
How about the legitimate gripe a lot of young people have about the cost of a college education? Outrageous that a 4 year degree at a public university cost over 100K.
We are the adults, and our kids are begging us to listen to them. Lets start listening. Not everything they are saying is false, some of it has merit.
Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 11.4.11 @ 9:12AM
If what you write is what you actually believe then you are a fool to keep investing as you have.
David W| 11.4.11 @ 9:33AM
If we cannot paint the OWS protestors with a wide brush is it okay to do the same with Wall Streeters? Perhaps if the government would get its nose out of things and quit trying to help (other than to create a small set of real regulations that aren't used by some companies to take advantage over others - remember the debit card fee issue) maybe I wouldn't be seeing my 401k bobbing up and down so much.
Moe Blotz| 11.4.11 @ 10:12AM
For Dmac: If someone is stealing from your 401K, report to the FTC. Listening to your children? That sounds so 1970.
David W: When I worked for another man, my 401K fluctuated with the stock market and the custodian's management. When I went back into business for myself, I rolled the 401K into an IRA that allowed me to choose my investments. I will never know if my returns will be greater than if I had left the money where it was, but at least I control it.
Appleby| 11.4.11 @ 10:58AM
All those Mommies in restaurants and on subway trains and airplanes "listening to their children" as they exercise their lungs ... what you are proposing is that we listen to those same tantrum-throwing toddlers grown large.
Or we could do what our Mothers did: look them in the eye and snarl, "If you don't stop that noise, I will GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO CRY ABOUT."
Tim the Enchanter| 11.4.11 @ 12:46PM
Are you sure we aren't related? My mother used the exact same words...
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:38PM
dmac
How can you be against business and wall street and lament the demise of your 401k at the same time?
Go back to school. Pick a conservative university and study history, the Constitution and economics.
Marko| 11.4.11 @ 10:14AM
I have long ago given up on the idea that "my" 401K will provide me with a retirement income.
My retired father? Yes, it worked for him. He's in the lucky generation in that regard. But what we call 401Ks currently will not last until I reach retirement age (15 years away). I don't expect anything to take its place, either, hence, I'm learning to be content with little.
HoustonBob| 11.4.11 @ 10:25AM
That's why my IRA money is all in CD's tied to those high-level Treasury bonds. I am confident the actions of the Fed will help to keep those returns zinging in!
skip| 11.4.11 @ 12:04PM
Dmac
Boo hoo.
Your pathetic sob story emotionally prattles on about greedy business profit, outrageous education cost, and (gasp) ignoring the voices of those immature lacking reason and experience, without a single reference to the direct cause of any of these perceived effects: unconstitutional government.
You are either a troll, an idiot, or both; regardless, you are a part of the problem this nation is in dire straits, not part of the solution.
LiveFreeOrDie| 11.4.11 @ 12:39PM
There are definitely valid criticisms regarding corporations. It's unfortunate the OWS crowd has failed to identify any of them.
Minuteman78| 11.4.11 @ 12:45PM
"Outrageous that a 4 year degree at a public university cost over 100K."
That's not the point. the fact that it's likely to be (a) worthless in terms of actually learning something, and (b) largely going to leftist tenured professors are what the crimes are.
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:22PM
AWWW. Poor Dmac
Welcome to the club.
Leftists are so concerned about their money.
Why don't you march on Washington.
The schools and Universities have not been straight with you. Protest there.
A liberal arts degree doesn't get you far these days, as business is under attack and can't hire.
CopyKatnj| 11.4.11 @ 3:12PM
"How about the legitimate gripe a lot of young people have about the cost of a college education? "
Not every one is college material. Recall that ALL student loans will be gotten from the federal government with the exception of one bank in Nebraska. We the taxpayers will be footing the bill for what amounts to an unemployment program. That is, if these "students" were not getting loans, they would likely be out of work. Going to college keeps the unemployment down temporarily of course. Now they are graduating into a nothing job market and criticizing the very professions they went to college for!
Get my drift?
DGinGA| 11.4.11 @ 5:26PM
DMAC, if you aren't watching your 401K investments carefully, and if you can't handle swings in the market, perhaps you should put your 401K contributions in the least risky (and lowest yielding) investment option available. 'Cause while MY 401K has taken a few swings over the years, I have still made a whole lot more money in the market than I would have in a less risky investment option. I'm sure your employer's 401K plan has a money market or other low-risk, cash-based option. But then don't blame ME when I have millions in my account for retirement and you have about $100K.
Petronius| 11.4.11 @ 9:33AM
Sigh
I guess I'll liquidate my portfolio and go back to buying Powerball tickets and ammo. The World Poker Tour is on tonight. I'd like to see this collection of lowlife in that park mess with those guys. Casino bouncers hit a lot harder.
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:23PM
I like this comment.
Al Adab| 11.4.11 @ 3:49PM
Dump debt and hold cash. Steve Forbes
John C.| 11.4.11 @ 9:37AM
It is quite ironic that the so-called conservative media and talk radio is always defending Wall Street when they are mostly liberal and libertarian, not conservative at all.
The globalist Wall Street/Washington axis of both Parties with their lobbyists and a Fed-gone-wild is only for free markets on the upside and screw Main Street America at every turn. When Wall Street and the gambling bankers lose on their risky bets they scream for more TARP, Quantitative Easing, and other bailouts from We-the-People, yet El-Rushbo and company are their biggest cheerleaders.
We could lose both the White House and the Senate again unless the GOP presidential contenders come out against crony capitalism and the massive Wall Street corruption -- GE sending a taxpayer subsidized green factory to China and the MF Global bankruptcy are perfect examples of this.
The Tea Party patriots should be the ones occupying Wall Street -- where are they?
Fast Johnny| 11.4.11 @ 9:59AM
Working and taking care of their kids.
Moe Blotz| 11.4.11 @ 10:16AM
Tea Party Patriots did take time off from work, Clint included, and assembled for a demonstration where the problem lies: Washington, DC. Maybe the media outlets in John C.'s city did not report the huge turnout.
Maddox| 11.4.11 @ 11:00AM
The big guys on Wall Street are playing the game set up for them by politicians. Theft has been legalized, power centralized. Look to Washington.
*By the way, did you know Congress is exempt from insider trading laws?*
Mike Hawk| 11.4.11 @ 11:33AM
You don't listen to Rush, do you?? If you did you would know how critical he was of all the bailouts and the crony capitalism of the Oborg collective.
DGinGA| 11.4.11 @ 5:30PM
Conservatives are defending the capitalist system, not specifically Wall Street. I really think that Wall Streeters give so much money to the Dems so that if the Dems are elected they won't sic the SEC on the Wall Streeter's company, as the Dems have a history of doing. It's like practicing defensive political contributing.
Bob K.| 11.4.11 @ 9:43AM
During the Great Depression the middle class distrusted the banks. Now they don't trust Wall Street and the banks don't make it worthwhile to save money there. It portends for a volatile election year.
Squeaky Hussein Fromme| 11.4.11 @ 9:47AM
These are just a bunch of affluent white kids lookin' to defy authority, destroy property and get laid. Been there, done that. Dig it!
Appleby| 11.4.11 @ 11:00AM
Only instead of remiscing about peeing in the University President's wastebasket, they can reminisce about pooping on a cop car. Plus ca change....
TrueBlue| 11.4.11 @ 11:07AM
Most of the Occupy folks in Seattle live in houses far above the median cost in the area. Yay trust fund kiddies and parents unwilling to teach their kids how to act responsibly.
PhilTheCapitalistPig| 11.4.11 @ 10:08AM
LOL... I almost got to the second sentence before I picked up on the satire..
Chase Farnsworth III| 11.4.11 @ 11:35AM
My family made some $450 million this past quarter via short-sells, and commodities. Of course, I will donate the max to various Democratic candidates, the WWF, and, the ACLU, the LGBT,NOW, The Anarchists Fists of Glory, and various other Left Wing Organizations. Unlike you rubes, I own several estates around the globe. If the riots spread from Oakland, there is always Lake Cuomo, Geneva, Auckland, Hong Kong, and the Grand Caymens.
Must be off now. My Gulfstram awaits. Got to be Mayfair this weekend. Ta, ta. And no, I don't feel guilty. I just hedge my bets.
Al Adab| 11.4.11 @ 11:37AM
Wouldn't it be fun? We could all work for McDuck enterprises or maybe Akston's diner.
albatross | 11.4.11 @ 11:46AM
If the link below the article asking for donations were to be used to search for a decent satirist, well, you might be onto something.
fmm| 11.4.11 @ 12:55PM
what total bs
kate| 11.4.11 @ 1:17PM
That was the point.
Buck Ofama| 11.4.11 @ 1:31PM
A joking fanciful article, in keeping with the fleabag mentality.
The Error Of My Ways| 11.5.11 @ 2:53PM
Kinda reminiscent of an Onion article from back when that place was actually funny:
http://www.theonion.com/articl.....ays,10746/
John C.| 11.4.11 @ 2:52PM
EL Rushbo rarely criticizes Wall Street, the corrupt bankers, sellout mulitnational corporations, and Helicopter Ben and when he does it is tepidly. And I do not remeber him bashing Bush & Boehner very much on TARP, the beginning of the bailouts. Dubai Ports El-Rushbo is more an economic free trader libertarian rather than an America-First conservative.
John| 11.4.11 @ 3:08PM
That convinced me - I'm going to join the OBS movement - Happy Hour just started.
Trinacria| 11.4.11 @ 6:50PM
Had an entertaining encounter with an Occupy SF protestor earlier this week. After taking offense at the fact that I had the audacity to be driving to work in a sleek sports car of Italian descent, a dreadlocked Caucasian 20-something protestor began yelling, "Enjoy it while you can, asshole; we're the 99% and WE have all the power". Reply: "So it would seem, sport; unfortunately for you, WE have all the money."
His rebuttal, quite predictably, was rather less than an eloquent defense of his well conceived position (in fact, it was limited to just 2 words, the second of which was "you").
bluecollarbytes| 11.4.11 @ 10:20PM
Any ISPs shutting down? They should, and walk away, leaving the infrastructure to the people who really 'own it'- the working consumers, who can take turns putting in the hours to run it, taking up collections for parts, etc.
get rid of all corporations so we can hunt/kill our own meat (with compassion), grow our own vegetables, make clothes after first gathering the fibers, walk everywhere (no animal ownership), communicate by smoke signals or fast runners, health care from herbs and spells, and earthwork structures in which we can worship mother earth.
POST American| 11.4.11 @ 11:43PM
---------------------FINAL WORD-----------------------
"The Global Banks have hijacked
the country folks. Face it."
-ALEX JONES
-------------------------FACE IT--------------------------
With God all things r possible| 11.5.11 @ 8:24PM
Final word?
"You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means."
With God all things r possible| 11.5.11 @ 8:24PM
Who are the country folks anyway?
shipley130| 11.5.11 @ 12:03PM
These OWS folks are going to have a flu epidemic amongst their ranks and then expect free medical care due to their carelessness.
Liza| 11.6.11 @ 3:38PM
Yes, I also feel so guilty for all the hard work I did and all the money I made through the years to help feed my family. I should have let them go hungry long before now. I am making up for lost time, however, I have given everything to needy people who have been on welfare and food stamps for all these years, due to heavy drug use, and criminal backgrounds. They can't seem to secure employment as easily as I have. Just my lousy luck I guess..Never had a problem getting a job or making money. (Even worked when I was ill)..How stupid can I be..Yes, I did have to work for all that 'evil' money.
I think I'll give my home away next week due to all the guilt I am experiencing. Maybe the Victory Red Corvette also...I don't really need it..just an unneccessary evil. I don't deserve to have it..just because I worked seven days a week, twelve hours a day to pay for it. Someone else needs it more than the children and I.
I just hope someone more affluent than I am will take mercy on us and let us live with them so we won't be on the streets.
I know, maybe Frances Fox Piven, or Michael Moore will take us in and send the children to some expensive institution of higher learning for me.
No? Oh, I guess not. What then am I to do now? I have given all my money away..can't pay the taxes on the house..giving it away..next the 'vette' will go..
I know, I'll call Christopher Dodd, Barney Frank, Pelosi, or Obama..They will help me forage for food.
Uh, no they didn't answer? No help? Uh oh!
Niniane| 11.6.11 @ 6:03PM
So I am supposed to give the clothes off my back when my city, county and state have laws against public nudity? I need to give away all the pantry and refrigerator contents and learn the art of dumpster diving in the nude to feed my nude family living in a tent? And I guess for bathroom breaks we should run to the nearest bank to do the business.
I suppose we must respect this as both Pelosi and Obama endorse this 'grassroots' movement.