-
How Long Is This War?
May 20, 2013 | 15 comments
-
Next: The Benghazi Select Committee
May 13, 2013 | 94 comments
-
Nobody Died in Watergate
May 9, 2013 | 148 comments
-
Benghazi Bullchips
May 6, 2013 | 184 comments
-
Obama’s Thin Red Line
April 29, 2013 | 207 comments
Last Call
The Labrador Doctrine
Meet Bogey, who though much like Gus isn’t Gus the Second.
We could have named him “Buggy” instead of “Bogey,” because he consumes moths and fireflies as if they were candy. If the boys were still kids, we might have named him “Tigger,” because he can bounce high enough to see food at countertop level apparently without flexing his legs. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
We got our first Labrador retriever — Gus — 15 years ago, and life changed immediately for the better. Gus was a chocolate Lab, an easygoing fellow who was always glad to play, nap, or travel. We went everywhere together, and he lay quietly beside my chair as I wrote three books and innumerable columns. If I got frustrated with a piece, I’d sometimes talk to Gus about it, and he always nodded, grunted, or woofed the right answer.
As Gus got older, we fretted over his age and he soon had a roommate. Hank, a yellow Lab, was his polar opposite. Hank was never bad, but he seemed as if he were a reincarnated fighter pilot: quick to get into trouble and just as quick to charm his way out of it. He earned his nickname: “Chewsama bin Barkin,” puppy terrorist. Gus and I would retreat into my office, our personal sanctuary. Hank was ineligible to go into what Sharon called the “big boys’ club.”
By 2009, when Gus passed away, Hank had calmed down a lot. After another year, when our 16-year-old cat, Meathead, had to be put down Hank moped around, lonely. And, to be truthful, so did I.
Sharon and I then had a long discussion about getting a new dog. She favored something called a “Goldendoodle,” because they don’t shed. My point was twofold: first, no self-respecting dog would allow itself to be called a “doodle,” and second, what I’ll call the Labrador Doctrine. We knew Labs have the best personality and make the best companions. Buying a dog is like adopting a kid: you don’t send back the ones you don’t like. I won on points, and the result is Bogey.
Bogey’s another chocolate Lab, and though he’s much like Gus, he’s not Gus the Second. He’s Bogey and he’s just as wonderful in his own way. He’s calm, smart, and generous in a very human way. And he may be the most expensive dog ever.
We spent a long summer weekend with our friends Mike and Tricia in Virginia Beach. They have a pool, and insisted that we bring Hank and Bogey with us. Hank is scared of the water, which is very odd in a Lab. Bogey was unsure, but once he got in he looked as if he were trying out for the dog Olympics.
At one point, I tossed the toy Hank had been playing with into the pool to get him to jump in. But he just stood at one side, whining. Bogey swam over, paddled the toy to the edge, climbed out, and dropped it at Hank’s feet. We all cheered and I think Bogey appreciated being appreciated. And then the clincher. Sharon had a couple of long, thin Styrofoam-like floats under her arms. When Bogey figured he could get a free ride through the water by putting his forelegs on the floats and his hind legs on Mom’s knees, his smile lit up an already sunny day. He rode back and forth contentedly until he wore Mom out.
Which brings me to the expensive part. The Boss wants to build a pool in the backyard for her and Bogey to swim in. And a couple of extra levels of decking down to the pool. I have no idea whether we can afford it, but we’ll find a way. It’ll be worth it just to see Bogey and Mom smiling.
About the Author
Jed Babbin served as a Deputy Undersecretary of Defense under George H.W. Bush. He is the author of several bestselling books including Inside the Asylum and In the Words of Our Enemies. You can follow him on Twitter @jedbabbin.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (25) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Jed Babbin
More Articles From Last Call
http://spectator.org/archives/2011/09/22/the-labrador-doctrine
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- The Great Train Robbery
- Self-Righteous Republic
- Of Wizards and Weapons
The Spectacle Blog
Former IRS Commissioner Refused to Say That Targeting Conservative Groups is Wrong
Benjamin Brophy | 2:27PM
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
ADVERTISEMENT
Solo| 9.22.11 @ 6:21AM
Well Mr. Babbin, you certainly brought a smile to my face with your piece.
Yes...Labs are the best companions.
I just lost my Black Lab, "Ebbie" on Monday after almost 15 years together. I thought that it would be a very long time before I smiled again. Your piece was a welcome surprise.
Thank you!
Solo
Teaghan| 9.22.11 @ 7:28AM
Solo, you took the words right out of my mouth. And I'm so sorry about your loosing your pup. It's so hard to make the decision to let them go when the time comes to do so.
BD57| 9.22.11 @ 6:43PM
I'm sorry for your loss.
My "Ebbie" was a Great Dane - Winston - lost him in 2009 and miss him pretty much every day.
Flatulus Ancien| 9.22.11 @ 7:45AM
Several months ago I was given a Labrador/ German Shepherd puppy that proved to be the most lovable, intelligent, puppy I have ever owned.
He was a great companion for me and for my 14 yr old Border Collie.When my wife commented on my talking to the dog so much, I told her if she showed me as much affection that the dog did, I would talk to her a lot more.
The puppy found his way the half mile to the highway, and was killed. The Collie followed suit a week later, probably looking for his buddy.
I was just given a Yellow Lab pup named Gunner. He is smart, lovable, and energetic, and I'm sure we will be great friends. There is really nothing like a Lab
Dan Hirsch| 9.22.11 @ 9:33AM
FA,
You wrote: "I told her if she showed me as much affection that the dog did, I would talk to her a lot more."
How long since your last hot meal?
HeeHaw!!
I always used the OPD approach (Other People's Dogs) - my neighbors always had various flavors of Labs - when the first one died, it had spent so much time in our yard, that we got sympathy cards!!!
Deuce Quatloos| 9.22.11 @ 12:03PM
How can you find the bride at a WASP wedding?
She's the one french kissing the golden lab.
Melvin| 9.22.11 @ 7:45AM
My sincere condolences on you losing Ebbie. My Lab, "Snoopy," was the best pal a kid could have growing up. In Oregon there was no shortage of kid, and dog things to do. fishing, chasing Seagulls. After a hard day at the beach, Snoopy would come back and lay by the wood stove and soak up all the heat. I swear he was a heat siphon.
Mom didn't let him ride on the seat, and she made him get in on the floorboards and he used to get even with her by giving her the dirtiest Lab look a dog can give and he flagellated.
Mom swears he did for spite, I think he did to.
For having our beloved pets they enrich our lives so much its hard to put into words.
The just about the best buddies a human could have. My wife and I now have a rescue Walker Hound who thinks he has to be the neighborhood door greeter,and a lap dog.
We have a fenced in backyard, but Mr. "Wiener" is the escape artist's of the dog world. But we wouldn't trade that stubborn Hound for anything.
Oh, I forgot he is the only dog that I have owned who likes to watch TV, and you probably guessed it, Animal Planet is his favorite show.
Mark| 9.22.11 @ 7:58AM
Wonderful! I know the joy of dogs and like Mr Babbin I've had to say goodbye to many over the years; it's like loosing a child! But we always got another dog: they don't replace the departed one, but they do fill the hole left behind. I've also had a few birds and cats over the years. I wouldn't be without at least 1 pet. They all give much more than they receive.
Wordmonger| 9.22.11 @ 8:04AM
Most expensive dog ever what? Owned,created,bought,raised,fetched,seen???
Ken in People's Republic of MD| 9.22.11 @ 9:08AM
When I joined the post office, and walked a route for 12 years, let's just say I didn't appreciate Labradors, Collies or any other dog. After constant battle with various canine guardians, with the bite marks to show, I really had no use for dogs.
After several years and a serious of misadventures, and long after I left government service, I found myself living with a couple of what I used to call rat dogs. A better term was barking cats. Little dogs, whose only purpose seemed to be to annoy the human race.
My new roommates are not Goldendoodles, but they are close. A purebred mix of Lahsa Apso and Poodle, these LhasoPoos have not lived up to my preconceived notions of what is a little dog. I expected yapping ankle biters, always yipping and being underfoot. Not so the case. Oscar and Tosha are fine examples of dogs, loyal, smart, well behaved, playful, and great companions. They belong to my roommate, or should I say, she belongs to them. But since my schedule during the summer allows me to be home during the day, I've become, I guess you could call it, a nanny for the dogs.
Tosha, the female, is a cranky old broad, almost 14 years old. Oscar, the male, is 12 years younger and being a relative teenager, lives the part. I always say he looks like a man in a dog suit that doesn't fit. Tosha tolerates her younger male counterpart and they are inseparable. When Oscar was just a puppy, I used to joke that when they played, Oscar was just having fun, but Tosha was out for blood. They eventually settled down and their age difference is really no big deal.
Now we have a third LhasaPoo, a full sister to Oscar called Chloe. She's been here a few weeks and is a bundle of fur and energy. It's fun watching Chloe do to Oscar what Oscar used to do to Tosha. The younger dogs play for hours, and Oscar takes great care to not hurt his little sister. Indeed, I'd rather watch them than the high schools students I teach. But watching two LhasaPoos play doesn't pay them bills, so I have to leave them during the winter months. When I come home, their unbridled joy at seeing me, actually I think they're just happy that they can go outside, always brightens my day. When I was married, when I got home, I was never sure if my wife was going to great me with a kiss, a hug, or a punch. Dogs are very predictable. Never a day has gone by when they weren't truly happy to have their humans home.
So, while I have no doubt that Labs make outstanding pets, and I have friends with Labs who say the same thing, I cannot overlook the effect these small to mid-size dogs have had on my life.
Pecos Pete| 9.22.11 @ 9:21AM
Mr. Babbin: Thanks. Enjoyed your comments, but don't change into Ben Stein.
Anthony| 9.22.11 @ 9:52AM
Dear Jed, Between you and Mark Levin, I can't take these stories much longer. It gets way too emotional real quick.
Beautifully written, however while Labs are great, Goldens rule.
P.S. I agree with Pecos, please don't morph into Ben Stein, or your dog expenses will double, as your lab will also be seeing a doggy shrink to keep up with Stein.
Charles Anderson| 9.22.11 @ 10:20AM
Thanks, Mr. Babbin. While reading your article and while typing this comment, our family's yellow lab Angie is under my desk, sleeping against my feet. Nestled up beside her is Maggie, our beagle/terrier mix. They've already had their early morning walk and breakfast; now a nice nap (while I work) to prepare for the afternoon walk. I dread the day we have to say "goodbye" to them as we have our previous dogs. But until then, we can only try to love them as much as they love us. And try we will!
DuneDog| 9.22.11 @ 10:55AM
There's nothing like a Labrador Retriever - loyal, goofy, free sprited, impish, up-for-anything and beguiling to boot. Dune, our yellow male Lab watches me as I type, upside down, legs in the air looking like road kill on his adopted chaise lounge. I wouldn't trade him for the world. Thanks Jed for sharing your story.
Ken (Old Texican)| 9.22.11 @ 11:38AM
Jed,
that picture doesn't look like any Lab I ever saw.
Heh, I would rather a Lab watch after my kids than me with a six-gun.
My kid rode our Lab like a horse...like in the commercial with the little stock-trader.
Our Lab's response was that when he got tired...he rolled over and licked our kid to giggles and limp.
...one of God's gifts to small children.
NYMPH| 9.22.11 @ 1:10PM
Wonderful article! It's refreshing to read a heartworming story now and then. Word of caution as mentioned about, I don't bother to read Ben Steins articles any more....I love dogs. We currently have 3 dogs. When our oldest died several years ago, I really didn't want to replace her since we still had two. Goldie is the daughter of the one that passed and Whiskey is a miniture long haired dachound. Whiskey often usually sits with me, which annoyed my wife, she wanted him with her, so she decided to get another dachound, thinking that I could have the new one and she could have Whiskey. It sort of works that way, but mostly I have both with me. It still pisses her off, I just laugh (to myself) And as long as I have Whiskey, I will also have to have a pool as I do now, I can't keep him out of it. He's part dog, part fish.
Occam's Tool| 9.22.11 @ 4:24PM
My Black Lab, "Bama," is very sweet. But the best dog I ever had was a Miniature Schnauzer named after a great Australian Psychiatrist.
However, the BEST pet I've ever had has been my now 13 year old tabby cat, "Cassius." My other adult cat is "Rocky." Cats can be left on weekends, you see, and you can both enjoy the break. You come back, and my babies go everywhere I do.
barbara| 9.22.11 @ 4:44PM
To Ken in People's Republic of MD: There's the old joke about how to tell who loves you more -- your dog or your wife. You lock them both in the trunk of a car for an hour and then see who's the happiest to see you.
W| 9.22.11 @ 7:45PM
One of them will file a PFA, Protection From Abuse complaint, with the Court, and have you kicked out of the house for a year.
Guess who.
dw| 9.22.11 @ 7:36PM
Just lost a big, old English Lab....best dog ever. This was a real loss to our family...he was a real friend and We are still grieving and seemingly will be for quite awhile. Not sure I could go through this again.
Southern_Comment| 9.22.11 @ 8:50PM
Thank you for such a heart warming end to a long day. I've got my redbone/lab mix laying beside my chair right now, and beside him is a pitt mix, bloodhound, plott hound, and my fidget midget (a corgie mix). It's an amazing thing, all of their personalities are very different but they are all the best companions.
Tish | 9.22.11 @ 11:03PM
Put in a lap pool -- they're not hideously expensive and don't take up much room, and are easier and cheaper to build and maintain. And dogs like them just fine -- my old border Collie loved it, but my current Golden retriever/Great Pyrenees rescue doesn't like to be wet.
Solo| 9.24.11 @ 9:02AM
I know this thread is stale now but...I just wanted to stop back and thank everyone for your kind thoughts and words of support for my loss of "Ebbie".
It helps to know that I'm not really alone....and that maybe one day I'll heal enough to embrace a new "best friend".
God Bless!,
Solo