Why, you may ask, are you publishing a dictionary to help
decode President Obama’s latest “jobs speech” the night after he
gave it? The answer is based on the results of a poll by Kaminsky
& Associates (polling methodology not disclosed) which asked,
“When will you watch Barack Obama’s latest ‘jobs speech’?” The
results were as follows:
While he is giving it: 4%
Recording it to watch later: 19%
Never: 59%
Speech? What speech?: 18%
In other words, while more than three quarters of the
population has either no interest in or knowledge of the speech,
nearly five times as many people will watch/listen to the speech
after having an opportunity to access this reference material as
will watch it live. It is worth noting, as one digs into the
details of the poll results (details not available to the public,
of course) that of those who said they will be watching Obama’s
speech while he is giving it, 61% were members of Congress, 13%
were columnists and television pundits, 9% were labor union
leaders, and 15% changed their answers after learning that the
first game of the NFL season began later the same
evening.
The Devil’s Dictionary, Obama Speech
Edition
Abraham Lincoln:
Not the founder of the Republican Party.
Basic protection(s):
Any regulation(s) that Barack Obama believes will reduce the
ability of financial, medical, or fossil fuel companies to earn a
profit, especially any regulation based on the Progressive view
that individual Americans are too stupid to be allowed to make our
own decisions in the most important areas of our daily lives. Also,
any regulation that strengthens the power of unions.
Different theory:
Economic policy views supported by history, evidence, and
research by
Barack Obama’s own (former) top economic advisor, but not supported
by Barack Obama.
Doing nothing: If
referencing a Republican-controlled chamber of Congress, not giving
the president at least 90% of what he wants even while passing
legislation. Not applicable to a Democrat-controlled chamber of
Congress, even if not passing any legislation.
Fair shake: The
additional amount of money the government can extract from
society’s most successful by turning success into a vice and lack
of success into a virtue; similar to shakedown.
Fair share: More
than you pay in taxes now, especially if you are in the top 1% of
earners who already pay more in income taxes than the bottom 95% of
taxpayers and who pay nearly twice as much as a share of taxes than
they earn as a share of national income.
Fairness: A
never-reached situation in which the “rich” are paying their
Fair share and Warren Buffett is
happy.
Help: Buy one group
of Americans’ votes with money earned by those who pay most federal
income taxes by giving the latter group a Fair
shake.
Jolt: A policy
dramatic enough to increase Barack Obama’s poll numbers. A cola I
drank in college.
Listen to every new
proposal: Tailor a bill based on
“suggestions” from the head of the AFL-CIO, SEIU, or AFSCME;
Suggestions from Republicans responded to with “I
won.”
Most fortunate:
Hardest working, smartest, most entrepreneurial, most
responsible for job creation, paying more than others in taxes, or
being part of any other such category so deserving of income
confiscation, over-regulation, union domination, or any other
punishment the Obama Administration can implement over Republican
opposition which is based on Rigid
ideas.
Nothing controversial:
Highly controversial.
Paid for: Funded by
increasing Fairness. Spending increases
and Fair Shakes implemented now with the
net deficit theoretically funded by a promise of spending
reductions later.
Payroll tax cut: A
temporary benefit to some working Americans and businesses to be
Paid for by creating a permanent penalty
on other working Americans and businesses.
Political crisis:
See “Urgent time for our country.”
Right now: When to
pass a “jobs bill,” in which there is Nothing
controversial, because we are in an
Urgent time for our country.
Rigid idea: A
position based on reading the plain text of the Constitution and
thus not worthy of serious consideration, especially if it impedes
Fairness or the implementation of
Basic protections.
Sincerely believe:
If referring to a Democrat, believe sincerely. If referring
to a Republican, must be stupid or crazy to believe.
Tax loopholes; tax
breaks: Advantages in the tax code that
go to companies or people who do not share President Obama’s goal
of Fairness and who do not contribute
enough to Democratic campaigns and thus must be shifted to the
favor of those who do.
Urgent time for our
country: A period during which Barack
Obama’s poll numbers are falling, causing him to fear that he will
lose re-election and therefore that
oceans may start to rise
again.
