Cursive handwriting will no longer be taught in several
elementary schools, according to a recent New York Times
story,
plus which job marketers now question the need for a college
education when it’s so hard to find work no matter how many degrees
you have.
Doing away with the tiresome need to learn handwriting,
and indeed with learning itself, is a long overdue development. By
sheer dumb luck, the United States has done extremely well at
graduating a nation of knuckle heads despite such impediments as
being able to write in longhand and preparing for higher
education.
But if U.S. high school students expect to hold on to
their traditional place as global know-nothings on history, math,
geography and literature, it’s time to better organize the dumbing
down of American youth. It makes sense to discourage kids from
having to learn anything beyond the age of 17 when they might make
better use of their time on the unemployment line and welfare
rolls.
By abandoning the need to learn handwriting and by sending
young people off to obtain pointless four-year educations, it’s now
possible to create even more high school students who can’t find
Iraq on the map, think the Civil War was in the 1960s, and never
heard of Vice President Joe Biden. By accelerated illiteracy
programs, high schoolers might one day not even need to know what a
“map” is, nor a “vice president.”
One efficient way to achieve this goal is to stop forcing
children to write. Instead of teaching handwriting, there clearly
needs to be grade school courses in texting, twittering, and the
use of initials, smiley faces. and icons in lieu of burdensome
words and sentences longer than 144 characters. In lieu of cursive
handwriting, the curriculum can start focusing on teaching kids how
to communicate through cave drawing and smoke signals.
Likewise (and as I myself noted decades ago while flunking
algebra), math is a huge waste of time when calculators are so
handy, and when dreary historical data — indeed, facts of all
kinds — is but a mouse click away on Wikipedia. Why bother with
the arduous work of learning geography when Mapquest and GPS are
available? As for formal English, nobody really needs to speak much
anymore when they can communicate so much better via iPhone.
E-mails are already going the way of the handwritten
letter.
That old idea of learning for its own sake is so last
century. You say you can’t get into Harvard or even a community
college? Not a big deal. For the career-minded, there is always
McDonald’s Hamburger University, where you can earn an advanced
degree in Egg McMuffin engineering.
A college degree, it now appears, may actually hinder you
when you look for a job, as this transcript from a major
head-hunting firm reveals:
Human resources interviewer:
I see here on your resume, Tom, that you spent four years at
Yale studying English literature — exactly what was the purpose of
that? You don’t seem to have used your time very constructively
when you might have been learning the fine points of dicing onions,
emptying ketchup bottles, and dispensing Quarter Pounders, all
useful skills in today’s complex business world.
Applicant: I realize I
messed up, but I consider those four years at Yale youthful
indiscretions that shouldn’t count against my chance for employment
here. I might also point out that I have zero knowledge of current
events, and, better still, I can’t even write my own
name!
HR interviewer: Well, that’s
a start. But I’m worried that a college education may get in the
way of your work here as fry cook intern. I’m not sure we can
afford to take a chance on someone who frittered away four years at
Yale reading Chaucer, Keats, and Shakespeare.
Applicant: But I need to
point out that I was next to last in my class, with a 1.2 grade
point average, flunked out twice, and was suspended for cheating on
a final exam.
HR interviewer: It is
encouraging that at least you made an earnest effort to squander
your time at Yale.
Applicant: I did my best. I
almost forgot to mention that I can’t spell and haven’t opened a
book since graduation. Certainly that should count for
something.
HR interviewer: Hmm, yes,
that’s pretty impressive, but I just don’t know. Let me ask you a
few final questions, a sort of oral exam. Who exactly is Barack
Obama?
Applicant: I don’t follow
sports much but I think he plays for the Green Bay Packers. No,
wait — he’s with the Mets!
HR interviewer: Very good. A
couple of more things: how many states in the Union?
Applicant: I just have no
idea. I don’t belong to a union.
HR interviewer: Encouraging.
OK, one more: if I gave you a $20 bill for an order that comes to
$12.75, how much change should I get back?
Applicant: This sounds like
a trick question.
HR interviewer: I like your
can’t-do attitude, so maybe we’ll take a chance and give you a
shot. Can you start tomorrow on the salad prep line?
Applicant: For sure, but
what’s the pay?
HR interviewer: Well,
there’s no salary the first year, but you’ll be learning valuable
skills you can take with you into the corporate world should you
ever get an actual paying job.
Applicant: Sounds good to
me. Thanks — and I really appreciate the break! I don’t think your
faith in my ignorance will be wasted.
