-
Contra Fabrizio: A Paean to My Book…and to the Future of E-Books
July 30, 2010 | 8 comments
-
Pity-Party Logic
April 6, 2010 | 128 comments
-
Who Is College Material?
September 28, 2009 | 50 comments
-
The Troubling Psychology of Health Care
September 3, 2009 | 18 comments
-
The Jackson Trajectory
July 9, 2009 | 46 comments
Another Perspective
Desperate Measures for Desperate Times
Getting serious about the environment on Earth Day.
It is a melancholy recognition, with Earth Day upon us again, that the calendar has come full circle since the last, and that the human species has squandered yet another annum in the struggle to save the planet. Our collective thirst for fossil fuels remains unquenched and perhaps unquenchable. Though Americans have tried to lead the way — toting home compartmentalized recycling bins from Bed, Bath and Beyond, switching to paper grocery bags at the Whole Foods Market, and attending sustainability conferences at our leading colleges and universities — hundreds of millions of Indians and Chinese stubbornly and selfishly refuse to abide the grinding but green poverty of their current lives in order to pursue the very material comforts that poison our environment.
Americans, therefore, must do even more, must set an example that the people of the world can point towards and emulate, an example that both underscores the dire condition of Gaia and highlights the moral imperative implied therein. Desperate times call for desperate measures. We must look beyond stop gap solutions such as hybrid cars, energy-efficient light bulbs and low flow toilets.
We must look, in short, to our best friends.
According to a 2006 study by Robert and Brenda Vale, a husband and wife team of research fellows at Victoria University in New Zealand who specialize in sustainable living design, the carbon footprint of an average sized dog (including the land required to feed the farm animals consumed by Spot in his daily diet) is roughly twice as large as the carbon footprint of a Toyota Land Cruiser (including construction, fuel and maintenance). The carbon footprint of the average cat is roughly equal to that of a Volkswagen Golf. The Vales’ estimates have since been confirmed by scientists at the Stockholm Environment Institute in York, England and the Earth Policy Institute in Washington, DC.
The Vales titled their 2006 treatise Time to Eat the Dog? This, of course, was never intended as a serious policy recommendation. In the first place, most of us have become far too emotionally attached to our pets to consider ingesting them. In the second place, neither dogs nor cats are especially delectable animals, with their flesh, regardless of how it is prepared, whether filleted or on-the-bone, being especially tough and stringy. And in the third place, true environmentalists understand that the ultimate goal is to wean human beings off meat altogether.
Nevertheless, a state-sponsored program of mandatory euthanasia for household pets seems doable. Or at least you’d think so once the American public has been educated on the potential benefits. Consider: There are approximately 75 million domestic dogs in the United States. Their environmental impact thus equals 150 million … I almost said “cars” but the correct equivalence is “SUVs.” Dwell on that number for a moment. One hundred and fifty million SUVs. As of 2006, there were only 100 million SUVs on the road in the United States, out of a total of 250 million registered vehicles. Hence, a policy of humane canine eradication would achieve the same green goals as the elimination of every single SUV in America … plus another 50 million beyond that total.
That pleasant prospect, remember, doesn’t even include the eco-boon of ridding ourselves of cats. There are roughly 85 million of them in the United States — each one the equivalent, in terms of its environmental damage, of a Golf. Granted, the Golf is a substantially smaller SUV than the Land Cruiser. What’s more, the one-to-one Mr. Whiskers/Golf ratio means that the planetary advantage accrued by a blanket feline extermination will not generate the eye-popping numbers of its canine counterpart. Taken together, however, it seems safe to conclude that euthanizing every household pet in America, especially if hamsters and gerbils and (in particular) bunny rabbits are thrown into the mix, would amount to, and perhaps even surpass, the eco-dream of removing every motorized vehicle from our roads.
Now I am not so naïve as to think that such a policy could be enacted tomorrow. We are a sentimental people when it comes to our four-legged friends. Witness, for example, the general opprobrium to which the professional football player Michael Vick was subjected for the killing of a mere handful of pups — even though, as it turns out, he was on the side of the environmental angels. Surely, Mr. Vick’s transgression lay in his motivation and methodology, not in his sustainability outcomes.
The first step, in other words, may consist not of an act of Congress but of a shift in our own attitudes. Common perception is the key. If you strolled past your neighbor’s driveway and discovered four Land Cruisers parked side by side, what would you think of him? Would you shun him? Would you communicate your disdain to others? Would he soon become a social pariah? Likewise, therefore, if you discover two dogs frolicking and wrestling on his front lawn: You’re not looking at Buddy and Jake. You’re looking at Earth Killer One and Earth Killer Two.
Once attitudes have come around, legislation can follow. The logical place to start will be with the larger canine breeds — Great Danes, Mastiffs, Rottweilers, Saint Bernards and Akitas — and work our way down to Beagles, Dachshunds, Poodles and Yorkies. (Exceptions can be made, of course, for seeing eye dogs.) After the last Chihuahua has been dispatched, we can re-tool the machinery of the state for a final feline solution. The entire process, even with the inevitable holdouts in pantries and attics, should take no more than three years.
The justification for the foregoing proposal, of course, hinges on the answer to one critical question: How committed are we to saving the Earth? Each reader, in the end, must decide that for himself.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (98) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Mark Goldblatt
More Articles From Another Perspective
http://spectator.org/archives/2011/04/22/desperate-measures-for-despera
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- There’s Something About Cambridge
- Of Weiner and Women
- Screwtape Protests
The Spectacle Blog
Democrat Dan Maffei Blames Budget Cuts for Girl’s Rape, Mother’s Murder
Robert Stacy McCain | 6.18.13
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
ADVERTISEMENT
Robbins Mitchell| 4.22.11 @ 6:24AM
Yea,well if Marky is so damned concerned about 'carbon footprints' and such,then he would do well to leave my dog the hell alone...then he should do the courageous intellectually honest thing...sell his car and kill himself....and we will all laud him for his noble sacrifice
claire| 4.22.11 @ 6:39AM
I am utterly disgusted by this!!!! perhaps if we shoot a few gas guzzeling and mentally/moraly lacking humans of which I know more than a few we would make the world a much better healthier place!!!
Ken (Old Texican)| 4.22.11 @ 7:41AM
Thanks TAS
We really do need a reminder from time to time about how these idiots think...especially in their own words.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:18AM
Hmmm...econuts want to kill doggie, leftists want to kill doggie, Muhammed no like doggie.
Is there a connection?
mike daniels| 4.22.11 @ 9:46AM
ever hear of sarcasm and parody? Read Dickens "A Modest Proposal" you moron
Robbins Mitchell| 4.22.11 @ 9:56AM
That was written by Jonathan Swift...not Charles Dickens
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:16AM
Swift's "A Modest Proposal," not Dickens, sir. Otherwise, correct. Folks, can we learn to enjoy irony and sarcasm? I do. When someone says something completely nuts, and they aren't Jharp or Vtwin or the Terrorist Catamite, one should definitely examine whether or not it can be read in the Swiftian spirit. (Swiftian is actually an adjective.)
Enjoy Easter, my friends, and G-d Bless!
Skippy| 4.22.11 @ 4:33PM
I love it!
Great article, Mr Swift!
We have 5 or 6 big old goofy carbon pawprinters at our hovel.
They eat like teenage boys, and complain like teenage girls.
The arguments presented reminded me of Hitler's call to eliminate the "eaters", as he called them; those who consume bit do not produce resources.
I don't think my herd heard of that before.
Wonderful insight into the logical conclusions of ecomadness.
voted against carter| 4.22.11 @ 10:09PM
Global - What ever you call it this week,...
IS A SCAM. PERIOD.
The BIG LIE.
If you tell it often enough, people WILL believe it is true.
Or so the theory goes.
Theoretical Rationale = made up stuff
Empirical Evidence = MORE made up stuff
Scientific consensus = "Scientific" made up stuff
The self-correcting nature of the scientific method = More "Scientific" made up stuff
OH NO!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!! RUN!!
And we ALL know how THAT worked out.
Eco-fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:48AM
My Dear Clarice,
it (the article) was a joke. Now go prepare the nice white wine sauce.
Sincerely,
Hannibal
Arch| 4.24.11 @ 9:10AM
Claire has the right idea. Let's have some fun with this concept.
Didn't some Progressive at the UN recently suggest that animals and plants should have rights corresponding to those now recognized as human? Why are we discriminating against animals?
Which motor vehicle would equate to the environmental impact of an average human? A greyhound bus? A Mac truck? How many BMW 3 series sport sedans? If we are trying to reduce the environmental effect of mankind, we should not tinker at the margins. We need to reduce the number of people on the planet!
This argument strengthens the case for capital punishment. If KSM is executed, can I trade my 3 liter BMW X5 in on a 4.4?
Let's speed up the glacial pace of death row appeals. In 1983, my cousin, his wife and ten year old son were bludgeoned to death in a home invasion. One of the murderers was executed in 2005. How many BMW-years would have been saved had John W. Peoples, Jr. been executed in 1984?
Should we adjust our perception of those practicing a religion who want to kill anyone whose faith is not their own? Removing these vermin from the gene pool might have two benefits - lower anthropogenic carbon footprint and cheaper gas. Congress could run on the slogan, "Ribs on every grill and two X5s in every garage."
Have to take my two rescued greyhounds for a walk.
Stephanie| 4.22.11 @ 7:39AM
I have so very much to say about this article that I'm not sure I'll even be able to fit it all in here.
First of all, Mr. Goldblatt, I see that you teach at the Fashion Institute of Technology. Please explain to me how it is that you think that owning and caring for domesticated animals is frivolous and environmentally-irresponsible, but you can take part in an industry that has so little regard for its fellow creatures or the planet? What about the fur that is used everyday in fashion? Are fur farms environmentally-responsible? What about the fact that the fabrics and materials that you undoubtedly use in your work, or instruct others on how to use, are produced by women and children in factories that spew toxic chemicals into our air and water? And that's not to mention the irresponsible growing practices that produce the raw materials, nor the fact that the people who produce the goods you need are underpaid, exploited, and often face physical problems as a result of their work.
Something about your editorial that had me laughing out loud--the way you lauded America as some sort of leader in the movement to save our planet. Are we thinking about the same country here? The one that introduced fast food, SUVs, and stuff-as-much-meat-and-corn-into-your-face-at-every-possible-opportunity to the rest of the world? The country where the ruling mores are no-one-matters-but-me-and-what-I-want? The nation with expensive, lackluster and inconvenient public transportation? And most importantly--the country with 5% of the world's population that uses 25% of the world's natural resources?! More than any other nation! That country? I think that it would do you well to read up on some of the environmental practices of other nations.
Third, I am appalled that you would hint that Michael Vick's crimes have served some sort of greater good. Michael Vick is a murderer, a sociopath. If I take your logic, I can say that what happened in Germany in the '30s and '40s had a great outcome--it reduced the world's population by 11 million. I mean, just think how much sooner all of these problems would have arisen if we had had all of those people breeding and producing waste and throwing their garbage into our oceans! If Michael Vick did something good for the planet, then what Hitler and Himmler and Goebbels did was so much better! Vick only removed a few dogs with carbon footprints that can't even come CLOSE to the carbon footprint of the average American. The men and women who removed 11 million polluting, breeding, defecating humans (with their much-larger carbon footprints) who need space to build shelters and grow food and produce textiles should be praised and have monuments built in their honors. I hope that this makes you realize how asinine your argument sounds.
Perhaps you're right that the carbon footprints of domesticated dogs and cats is awful and out-of-control. Fine. Let's put an end to puppy mills, and enact some mandatory spay-and-neuter laws. Isn't that a better solution to the problem (and many other problems) than sermonizing that people need to harden their hearts to the plights of others?
You made a scant mention of consuming meat in your article, so it's hard for me to guess where you stand on the issue. Given your extremist views on saving the planet, I surely hope that you are a wholehearted vegan. There is NOTHING that is destroying our planet faster than humans' consumption of animal products. If everyone on the planet became vegan, we could all drive Hummers and it wouldn't matter!
You see, one thing that you failed to highlight is that cats and dogs ARE carnivores, while humans are not. A cat cannot live without meat. A dog can live as a vegetarian, but with difficulty. Humans, on the other hand, are NOT carnivores, or omnivores. Why didn't you write an article telling people that they need to eschew the abusive (to the planet, themselves, and the animals) practices of obtaining all of the animal products that they consume? I have an inkling that it's because you personally don't care for animals--if you're a vegan, it's because of environmental or health reasons--and you know that telling human beings that they have to give up something that they enjoy is just not going to happen. That is, unless we're talking about the "selfish" Indian and Chinese people. In that case, they should make every sacrifice that you can possibly think of.
Being that humans are the problem and have always been the problem, why aren't you proposing some sort of limit on the number of children that people can have, a la China? Why aren't you preaching against fertility treatments? Why aren't you campaigning to put an end to factory farming and the endless taking of land to grow corn so that we can feed those doomed animals? WHY, Mr. Goldblatt?
I am truly left without answers.
Robbins Mitchell| 4.22.11 @ 8:17AM
Take a look at your teeth in the mirror sometime,Stephanie....why do you think we have incisors and cuspids?...to tear into meat...if were were mere herbivores,we would have nothing but bicuspids and molars to grind vegetation with like ruminants do
Stephanie| 4.24.11 @ 2:31AM
I'm sick of this absurd argument about human dentition. Compare your skull to that of a bear--a true omnivore.
Dai Alanye | 4.22.11 @ 8:35AM
Had Stephanie investigated a bit further she'd have learned that Goldblatt specializes in satire.
Stephanie| 4.24.11 @ 2:32AM
Whether Goldblatt was writing satire or not is hardly the issue. I stand by every comment that I made.
FastJohnny| 4.22.11 @ 8:44AM
Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie...where did you go to school? After reading your response I a still not sure if you understood the whole tone of the article was comediac. All that ranting, to what point, Stephanie? You're not following along closely enough.
Btw, humans are omnivores. Why do you think it is so important that true vegetarians have to be very careful about getting enough of certain things or their organs start to shut down.
CalMark| 4.22.11 @ 2:17PM
"Humans are the problem."
The solution is simple, if you're honest and truly want to lead by example: don't have kids. Ever.
That'll accomplish two things: a) you'll be doing your part (so you think) to stop global destruction b) you won't pass along that defective Marxist gene.
jothepro| 4.22.11 @ 4:42PM
Hey Steph,
That last paragraph you wrote is quite in line with what Commies and Nazis are. You dope !!!!!!!
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:19AM
I am a Carnivore, mostly. Wolverines tend to be.
Davey Jones| 4.24.11 @ 1:19PM
Stephanie....take a deep breath... the article was tongue in cheek
Ken (Old Texican)| 4.22.11 @ 7:47AM
Stephanie,
Running out all those old saws is the stupidest thing I can think of.
Personally, I am thrilled to live in a country that uses 25% of the energy. It allows us to featherbed featherheads like you.
Hillel| 4.22.11 @ 8:03AM
Obviously we'd have to use the Land Rovers to run over the dogs,"Red Rover Red Rover runover Rover." Aztecs used to eat chiuhahuas. Cortez was the first European to eat Chile Con Canine!REMEMBER: Anything you can do with a chicken you can do with a cat (and you get 4 drumsticks.) The problem is that cats eat birds,rats and mice etc. Can they kill enough critters to justify their carbon foot print?
R Martin| 4.22.11 @ 8:12AM
"If you strolled past your neighbor’s driveway and discovered four Land Cruisers parked side by side, what would you think of him?"
In keeping with the spirit of Mr. Goldblatt's piece, I would think, "Hey, that guy knows a good SUV when he sees one." I would also think that my one V-12 Aston Martin is not really holding up its end of the neighborhood automotive zeitgeist.
MAZ| 4.22.11 @ 8:26AM
Are you people that idiotic to not understand that this piece wasn't meant to be taken seriously?? On your way to work make sure to pick up a sense of humor along with your coffee. Cheers.
jothepro| 4.22.11 @ 4:44PM
Everybody but Steph
Stammon| 4.22.11 @ 8:28AM
It simply is not possible that a dog has the carbon footprint of a car, I do not believe it. I want to see the math, because if a dog is a car, a child must be a freeway. American dogs are mainly vegetarians, dog food is mostly grain.
I call bullshit on this.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 8:54AM
Stammon,
You may wish to rethink this. Look at a dog's set of teeth; they are built for tearing flesh. Look at the composition of dog food - 21% raw protein - first three ingredients are ground corn, meat and bone meal.
It's easy to think those dried kibbles are like breakfast cereal, but they are not.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:20AM
Stammon, Stephanie, all you guys---THIS WAS SATIRE! (Say it like This is Sparta, please)
Claypoole| 4.22.11 @ 8:36AM
Stephanie is proof that there really is no humor section in the liberal library.
T. Louise| 4.22.11 @ 8:42AM
What is more divine than dining on "Dog simmered with woodland herbs" in Beijing? Here I must agree with Ms. Goldblatt. I only ask, (as a true American), that we allow Paris Hilton's chihuahuas to be the last canines crucified. For what is more American than the image Ms. Hilton with arms full of barely meated toothpicks.
Melvin| 4.22.11 @ 8:49AM
Don't worry my fellow brothers and sisters. Melvin has single handily saved Gaea, Mother Earth if yo will, by turning my entire backyard into and eco sphere, not to be confused with Spring Spheres from the morons in the Pacific Nortwest.
I have accomplished this environmental feat by 99 parts laziness, and 1 part of the darn stuff growing faster than one person can trim or mow it.
Unlike my Earth hating neighbors who have denuded their yards to parking lots, I have snakes, rabbits, woodpeckers, squirrels, pigeons (flying rats), and other assorted critters that crawl, fly or walk.
My wife and I have a garden, along with various planters, pots, and Earth Boxes. (these things really work), I have humongous Chinese Cabbage already.
I wanted to get some monkeys, but the wife drew the line and said the Walker Hound is enough, who is constantly at war with the Woodpeckers, and Squirrels. I'm trying to teach Weiner conflict resolution, but we seem to be speaking different languages.
I thoughtfully enjoy, sitting in my chair in the backyard watching life unfold before me. My wife used to be deathly afraid of the snakes, and now she just shoos them away.
And this whole system works without me, bothering anyone with the attitude of, "Well, you need to plant more trees, and stop eating meat." There is just person that I severely dislike more than a lying politician...A busybody environmentalist. Come to think about it, most avowed environmentalists aren't environmentalists at all, they're just busybodies wanting to get into everyones business.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 9:16AM
Melvin,
Have you ever tried fruit bat from the rotiserie. It's excellent.
Melvin| 4.22.11 @ 9:44AM
I never ate one of the buggers, probably tastes like chicken, but I have seen them fly in the Philippines and Ceylon at dusk. Big as aircraft they are.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 9:58AM
Melvin,
Yep, like chicken without the white meat. In my case, the locale was the Seychelles.
Ceylon? You've been around for a day or two, haven't you?
Melvin| 4.22.11 @ 11:31AM
Just a wee bit, before the war actually. Place is beautiful, I don't know about now. Back then the citizens got along, don't know what happened to get everyone's sarongs in a wad?
Michele| 4.22.11 @ 3:26PM
Wow...such sage wisdom. Who would have thought?!
Oh, I'm a MORON from the Pacific Northwest. Where are YOU located?
Melvin| 4.22.11 @ 6:36PM
I knew there was something special about today. I'm closer than you think, or at least I was.
Please tell me you didn't come up with that ridiculous Spring Sphere thing?
I hope your sitting down Michele, I was born and raised in........Oregon. Portland Metro baby I am. Does this make us kin, homey? I'm just being facetious that's all. Nothing personal.
He,he, he, he small world isn't it?
Oh, thanks for the sage thing, if you should be in need of the meaning of life, my shingle is always out. Have a nice day, Oh! luv the chat, but time to feed the monkeys. Ta ta.
Reese-Pieces | 4.22.11 @ 8:58AM
Thank you Stephanie.
I went back and checked a few of his other short disturbed tales. He hates animals. Period.
Your rebuttal was perfect, he is a nut.
With a last name like Goldblatt, I wonder if he is in sync with Hitler's "carbon footprint" solution? P.S. If this was suppose to be satire, then do a satire on the Holocaust.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 10:03AM
What a perfectly churlish post.
CalMark| 4.22.11 @ 2:09PM
This oddball (not to say borderline unbalanced) post just proves that if the Wizard of Oz had featured a liberal--a "grim schoolmarm," say--she'd have needed to ask for a sense of humor.
Actually, Dorothy would have had to ask on the schoolmarm's behalf. Liberals NEVER admit that they are not already perfect and infallible in every way.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:24AM
I'm sorry. Now I'm offended. The Death of animals is not comparable to mass slaughter of Jews (and Poles, Gypsies, etc.---however, I do point out that it was one in three Jews alive at the time, and the Jewish world population has not recovered). Reese-Pieces, remove head from rectum.
StarbucksDave| 4.22.11 @ 9:28AM
I'm inspired. I am resolved henceforth to run over one dog with my SUV each month in order to more than cover for my carbon footprint. Look out dogs, here I come.
Dustoff| 4.22.11 @ 9:53AM
HEY........ I love my 1994 Land-Bruiser. (-:
Hillel| 4.22.11 @ 9:56AM
As an academic I have to report that "A modest Proposal " was written by Johnathan Swift.
Ogdan Nash wrote:"to a better world I contribute a modest smigeon/I eat the squab lest it become a pigeon."
Moosemeat| 4.22.11 @ 9:57AM
Mr Goldblatt should be congradulated for a wonderfull piece of satire in the spirit of "Swift's Modest Proposal."
Steve A| 4.22.11 @ 9:59AM
Satire or not, I really do not care much either way. Later today, I'm going to get in my F-350 & drive home. I need to stop to pick up some diesel for the tractor & fuel for the pontoon boat & mower. When I get home, the first thing I will see are our 3 horses in the top paddock. When I get to the house, all 6 of our dogs will greet me with tails wagging away. If Rocket (out cat) tries to make it to the garage, he will be chased but they never get to him.
I have 2 large walnut trees that I will cut down this weekend as the have some rot at the base. I will burn these, along with all of the combustible trash that the home produces, in our outdoor wood furnace that heats the home all winter.
I will do all of this, feeling quite secure & content with myself, knowing that there exists a slew of idiots out there who risk their lives driving their smart cars thinking they are saving the planet.
CalMark| 4.22.11 @ 2:11PM
You, sir, are an enviro-criminal. And I like your style.
I envy you your dogs, and especially your F-350.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:25AM
Steve-A---Dude! :)
daddio| 4.22.11 @ 10:02AM
Surely this is a spoof? Perhaps left over from April Fools?
DRed| 4.22.11 @ 10:13AM
Come now, people. I know you see 'another perspective' and you begin to salivate, but many of you are clearly missing the point here. The google tells me that the so-called Mr. Goldblatt is some sort of apres-post modern author and a bit of a trouble maker, but he is certainly not an Algorian liberal. What he's trying to say is that IF global warming is truly an imminent threat to our lives, and IF it is caused by the unnaturally excessive release of greenhouse gases, and IF pets are responsible for the release of said noxious gases in quantities exceeding even that of the fearsome sports utility vehicle, then doesn't it follow that we should do something about it? 'Mr. Goldblatt' is not advocating that we turn man's best friend into man's best compost heap. What he's saying is that the next time a liberal starts telling you how threatened the planet is, you should ask him or her why they haven't killed their dog. Desperate times call for desperate measures, no?
Bob| 4.22.11 @ 1:03PM
I can hardly imagine a more thorough indictment of our educational system than the mere fact that this has to be explained at all.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:26AM
Thus the "Swiftian" nature of the satire. Nicely done, DRed. It is painful that we must EXPLAIN these things. Jokes EXPLAINED are no longer funny.
Steve A| 4.22.11 @ 10:16AM
DRed, You are correct. The part about inserting Vick into the equation gives it away.
JimH| 4.22.11 @ 10:25AM
If you add some habeneros is it a hot dog? Subtlety is wasted on some people.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 12:16PM
JimH,
This reminds me of the joke where two women travel to America and are looking forward to trying that quintessential American dish - the hot dog. As soon as they got to New York they sought out a street vendor. On opening their dogs, one said to the other: "What part of the dog did you get?".
(Apologies to sensitive eyes)
jessica| 4.22.11 @ 10:32AM
Nut-job!
Reese-Pieces | 4.22.11 @ 12:38PM
We all know people that say something rotten, hurtful, just plain ol' mean to you; when they're called out on it, they always reply, "hey, I was just joking". They weren't joking, that's just how they justify their barb.
I know satire, this guy Goldblatt is a Troll, and it isn't satire. He just hates animals.
There's a new game out on Android/Google called- Dog Fighting. (I know, it's just a game). Tell that to the morons who fight dogs. Their response, it's just like the game I play on my Android... Find something else to do a satire piece on, like the Holocaust, Mr. Goldblatt. I'm sure your mother and relatives would find your satire piece amusing.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 12:51PM
Reese-Pieces,
OK! You didn't get the satire. It's, I'm sure, a waste of time to point out that Goldblatt was lampooning Earth Day, not advocating elimination of pets.
It's it telling however that you would suggest a better topic for him would be a satire on the elimination of other humans. Would it be equally valid for you if those humans were environmentalists instead of Jews? Or are there classifications of humans which are, also, beyond the pale as a target of satire?
An answer would go a long way to suggesting if your disdain stems from an overarching love for animals (I have two dogs) or an antipathy toward humans with which you disagree.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 12:52PM
... toward humans with WHOM you disagree... (my editor is off for Good Friday)
Reese-Pieces | 4.22.11 @ 1:03PM
John,
You need more than and editor. Your choice - my overarching love is for humans, animals, kids. There's no antipathy here (sympathy yes).
Bottom line: He's mean and hateful and you agree.
End of discussion.
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 1:20PM
perverse: willfully determined or disposed to go counter to what is expected or desired; contrary.
Just to be clear, I read this piece as satire and do NOT agree that Goldblatt is mean and hateful. You are free to disagree.
So your response to a satire involving dogs is to suggest a satire involving humans whom you profess to love equally as animals (an opinion I share, by the way). But, not all humans, just the ones who might be associated with the author based on his name. I other words, he and his ilk.
bigotry: stubborn and complete intolerance of any creed, belief, or opinion that differs from one's own.
End of discussion - indeed!
Skippy| 4.22.11 @ 4:40PM
Well, at least the discussion is finally over.
What's for lunch?
John Navratil| 4.22.11 @ 5:01PM
Skippy,
Lunch is over, but it's corn-fed beef for dinner. My dogs love the scraps.
Liberals take too long to cook - tough and stringy and taste like cabbage.
pomdter| 4.22.11 @ 1:27PM
How about a new gov't program: cars for cats! I'm allergic to cats but not to VW's!
Dave Williams| 4.22.11 @ 1:31PM
As for brilliant satire, let's not forget Tom Lehrer's "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park."
CalMark| 4.22.11 @ 2:14PM
What, he didn't mean it seriously? I'll have to reflect on that.
Maybe it's a good thing that my answer to "So if Sunday you're free" is no. I never poison pigeons on a religious holiday.
Skippy| 4.22.11 @ 4:41PM
And maybe we'll do in a squirrel or two...
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:29AM
"When we're poisoning pigeons in the Park!
We'll murder them all with much laughter and merriment, except for the few we take home to experiment..."
Ya know, I had a friend who took a mathematics course from him at MIT. She said he was deadly dull in class.
Humphry Dumfries | 4.23.11 @ 12:46AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhuMLpdnOjY
cicero| 4.22.11 @ 3:10PM
That was great. You guys made me laugh until tears came.
But, who says that dogs don't have a carbon footprint? All you have to do is change their brand of food, or feed them scraps from the table, and you will get all the natural gas you can stand - especially if they sleep under your bed.
But on a more serious note, why not start having chickens as pets instead of dogs and cats. When you get bored with them, or they become too much of a burden ... Well, the recipes are endless.
Pat| 4.22.11 @ 3:23PM
One of the most burdensome activities related to saving our planet is growing wealthy in the process. “Green” proponents don’t wish to make a great deal of money caring for the environment, but how can you facilitate change without offering sensible alternatives to America’s profligate habits – bad habits which deeply wound Mother Earth and her children? Some large corporations must depend on government subsidies to carry out their missions – giant Agri businesses planting endless rows of gasohol corn, turbine blade producers heavily subsidized to develop wind energy. Billions of taxpayer dollars must flow annually to these firms – an unfortunate byproduct of sincere environmentalism, but necessary to carry out an important mission. Even those insisting we carefully separate out our recyclables have found it necessary to sell our castoff garbage and pocket the income – they don’t want to make money off our trash of course, but it helps fund the “movement”.
To be sure, however, many idealists are willing to sacrifice their personal wealth to support the “green” lifestyle. Struggling into tight spandex daily to ride their $2,000 bikes to work while lugging a designer backpack containing their office clothes – a reasonable sacrifice for the cause. Or plunking down thousands of extra dollars to purchase a hybrid car. Or, buying clothing and accessories made from old tires or plastic soda bottles or paying $3 each for a carrot fertilized by compost. Being an environmentalist is never easy on the pocketbook – but you can live a comfortable, modern lifestyle guilt free if you’re willing to choose carefully among your alternatives.
Thoreau may have voluntarily exiled himself to Walden, but modern environmentalists see no reason to return to the land and live a primitive existence in order to reduce their carbon footprint. No, the “Greens” believe in the importance of remaining fully within our modern society in order to educate the rest of us, mostly by their sterling personal examples. And if you are forced to grow rich saving the Earth - well then, so be it.
RWinks| 4.22.11 @ 4:57PM
Pat-- I live a modern comfortable lifestyle, guilt free and I don't do any of that crap.
Michele| 4.22.11 @ 3:23PM
I can NOT believe I just read that. That idea and obviously the writter is insane! Sick and insane. May you reap what you sow. And I DO work for an environmental organization but NO ONE has ever spewed such venom as you have. Save the world, eat Fido? You are a sick person, very, very sick.
voted against carter| 4.22.11 @ 10:13PM
Global - What ever you call it this week,...
IS A SCAM. PERIOD.
The BIG LIE.
If you tell it often enough, people WILL believe it is true.
Or so the theory goes.
Theoretical Rationale = made up stuff
Empirical Evidence = MORE made up stuff
Scientific consensus = "Scientific" made up stuff
The self-correcting nature of the scientific method = More "Scientific" made up stuff
OH NO!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!! RUN!!
And we ALL know how THAT worked out.
Eco-fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:32AM
Dear Michele: Swift in "A Modest Proposal" suggested the purchase and eating of Irish children as a solution to famine in Ireland.
Apparently, that was in bad taste, but letting the children starve in the famine was acceptable to the British ruling classes.
This was satire in the Classic fashion of Juvenal, modified by Swift. This essay is similar. Hello! Where did you go to college?
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:39AM
And, for the record,I went to TCU, and graduated with a science degree (Magna Cum Laude, Biology). But I read Suetonius, Tacitus, and had a passing acquaintance with Swift, for cryin' out loud. "A Modest Proposal" is one of the 10 greatest essays in the English language, and perhaps the greatest satire. There is NO excuse for an educated person to be unaware of it.
That being said, keep your cotton pickin' hands off my dog, 'Bama, and my cats Cassius and Rocky.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:43AM
Apparently, the study came out in 2009, and confirmatory calculations were published independently in The New Scientist.
You don't drive your car all the time. Dogs, however, fart constantly.
Todd S| 4.22.11 @ 4:41PM
Get a clue Michele, it is obviously a satire about the ridiculousness and of the global warming fear mongering of which you are a part of. You idiots tell us how dangerous SUV's are because of their carbon footprint but a study (done by liberals) shows that dogs as pets have a larger carbon footprint. So the author is just taking your extremist views to their "logical" endpoint. The fact you still believe in global warming after the obvious fraud involved makes it no surprise that the satire went over your head, dumb people have a hard time getting satire.
Skippy| 4.22.11 @ 4:47PM
Irony is dead.
Services to announced.
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:44AM
Some study hip-hop, some study Swift. Skippy, this is very said about Irony being dead. Is it a burial, or a cremation? And if it's a cremation, who brings the marshmallows?
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:45AM
sorry. I "said" it was very "sad." Screwed that one right up, I did. Bollocks.
doolittle| 4.22.11 @ 4:51PM
well. I thought it was a joke, and when I spoke to "doolittle" the black mouthed cur who dictates what I write, he thought so too.
Margaret Dernier| 4.22.11 @ 5:22PM
I can't believe the number of people that actually didn't get that the author was writing satire and kinda making fun of environmentalists.
People, people, people, it is satire!
Margaret Dernier| 4.22.11 @ 5:28PM
For those who don't "get it", this is a link to REAL environmentalists who think we should get rid of our pets.
(Goldblatt is making satire of these foolish environuts)
http://www.stuff.co.nz/environ.....to-eat-dog
"Victoria University professors Brenda and Robert Vale, architects who specialise in sustainable living, say pet owners should swap cats and dogs for creatures they can eat, such as chickens or rabbits, in their provocative new book Time to Eat the Dog: The real guide to sustainable living. "
Occam's Tool| 4.23.11 @ 12:34AM
Of course it comes from the land of the Kiwis.
New Zealanders closely resemble their native birds, who hide in the dark and never feed their children or take care of them in any way once hatched.
ARF ARF| 4.22.11 @ 7:00PM
With all the gnashing of teeth over the mathematically calculated "carbon footprint" of your average dog (which is nothing compared to the "carbon butt-print" of your not-so-average AlGore) I am reminded of an old Warner Bros. cartoon featuring Foghorn Leghorn,wherein the aforementioned Mr. Leghorn is playing "hide-n-seek" with a brainy kid he's baby-sitting. Foghorn hides in a tool bin, but the kid mathematically deduces his wherabouts and locates Foghorn by digging him up from the yard about a hundred feet away. When presented with the mathematical proof, he admits "I know, I say, I know! Figures never lie." By the way, it is said that mathematically, a bumble bee can not fly.
Look, leave my dog alone. No canine burgers at MY house! And while I will never see cat as a viable alternative to beef or salmon, if Mr. Goldblatt could somshow arrange for the disappearance of my wife's cat's "carbon pawprint," it would be greatly appreciated.
voted against carter| 4.22.11 @ 10:08PM
Global - What ever you call it this week,...
IS A SCAM. PERIOD.
The BIG LIE.
If you tell it often enough, people WILL believe it is true.
Or so the theory goes.
Theoretical Rationale = made up stuff
Empirical Evidence = MORE made up stuff
Scientific consensus = "Scientific" made up stuff
The self-correcting nature of the scientific method = More "Scientific" made up stuff
OH NO!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!! RUN!!
And we ALL know how THAT worked out.
Eco-fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face.
Bob Waite| 4.23.11 @ 11:43AM
My dog is thoroughly green. She refuses to use our toilet, because she doesn't want to waste potable water. She loves to jog and doesn't drive anywhere. In fact she doesn't use any electrical appliances, doen't smoke, will jump on the grill and grab all the food so that we have to put out the polluting charcoal fire. If she had her way, we would never heat the house (she's a Siberian Husky) and she never throws batteries in the regular trash. When I walk her she inspects all the recycling containers on garbage day to make sure they don't have have non recyclable items like food in them. She loves trees and fire hydrants. I think she should be given some kind of earth conscious medal.
Arch| 4.24.11 @ 4:41PM
I'm not so sure how smart a purchase a SmartCar is. Remember that kinetic energy is equal to half the mass times the velocity squared. In a frontal co-speed collision with a more massive vehicle, the driver and passenger in the smaller vehicle not only absorb more energy, they will end up moving backwards. The vehicle may survive the crash, but the SmartCar occupants may not.
Here's an interesting test video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju6t-yyoU8s
Dee See| 4.25.11 @ 11:28PM
FORGET the 'ECO' op. ---it's a con-job.
Things we can and should do for keeping things
happy and healthy and natural:
-Demand CHEM-trailing (cadmium,
barium and aluminum oxides) ---be stopped and
those instigating it be prosecuted. Sentencing should be decades of NON-parole jail time.
-Demand your markets STOP pumping out the
plastic bags, packaging and bottles. The plastics
industry is a front for petro-waste, makes a mess
and fosters sterility ---'by design'. Surely, with
whole cities being built of it ---there is NO shortage of glass.
-Demand the mega-global food consortiums and
monopolies, capstone EUGENICS fronts one and all, he broken up.
-Demand GMO foods be identified and labeled
immediately and that they eventually be removed
form shelves. Demand the companies and individuals behind their deployment be prosecuted for EUGENICS capital crimes
a s a p.
-Hang up bird houses near waterways and wetlands. Seems third generation EUGENIST
Bill Gates is into releasing mosquitos for sterilization ----and worse.
------------THINGS WE ALLLL CAN DO NOW
sex toys | 7.4.11 @ 1:17AM
Moyers' phony quote has one thing correct. NPR/PBS is a gift to liberalism. Why would they fight so hard against de-funding?
Creative Recreation | 8.10.11 @ 9:58PM
is good
small dog breeds | 12.1.11 @ 1:44PM
Hey Steph, Now, I'm collecting informations for my blog about the Desperate Times In my point of view, the content in the website spectator.org is very interesting. How about, if I get some of the ideas from that site, and give them a re-direct link to the site, what would you say?
sincere.