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The Nation's Pulse

Odd Couples

By on 3.10.11 @ 6:07AM

My attempt to answer the age-old question: why smart guys marry dumb girls.

For years we’ve been seeing stories that essentially repeat the same mantra: smart guys prefer dumb women.

Smart women, naturally, are offended and angered by these stories (as they are, indeed, by a lot of things). That only proves how stupid smart men are, they say.

But most of the stories I’ve seen have it wrong on all counts. If I may speak on behalf of smart guys (hold your laughter), it is wrong to assume intelligent men are only looking for bimbos with ginormous breast implants. That comes later. When a guy turns 48.

The smart guy has no interest in marrying a “dumb” blonde. Nor is he intimidated by brainy women. Nor does he want a docile Stepford wife. More likely, what he wants is a girl like dear old mom (assuming dear old mom isn’t Barbara Boxer): a traditional, old-fashioned homemaker.

Intelligent men do not consider this “marrying down.” Smart men (heck, even dumb men) know that a woman who is a financial advisor at Smith Barney is unlikely to give up her career to bake pies for the Mother’s Club. Her time is too “valuable.”

Conversely, most ambitious gals won’t give a guy without an MBA and a BMW the time of day. They are loath to give up a rewarding and fulfilling career as a tax attorney for the drudgery of making a home and raising a family. They want to date “interesting” men. CNBC’s Nicole Lapin recently confessed that she knew a romance was over when her date failed to get her reference to a line (“I know it when I see it”) from a 1964 opinion by U.S. Supreme Court Associate Justice Potter Stewart. THBBFT! Looooser!

Understandably, a woman wants to respect her guy, and it’s hard to respect someone who is less smart or successful or educated or cannot recognize references from famous SCOTUS concurring opinions.

SMART CAREER WOMEN could learn a thing from smart career guys. As one hedge fund guy told the Gloss, alpha females should find themselves a nice, mellow beta male, perhaps a hipstery type who works in a used bookstore or a coffee shop. A guy who is smart, but not particularly ambitious, and who would have a hot, pretentious meal waiting when she gets home at 10:30 p.m. Instead, smart gals insist on going after the “interesting” alpha males, to the exclusion of the rest of us.

Speaking for myself, I rather enjoy having a spouse who is smarter than I am. I am thankful that, in a pinch, she could come up with the square root of 28 in radical form. Since I got married I do fewer dumb things because she won’t let me, so I sleep better at night having fewer regrets.

Also, I am not one of those competitive guys who has to earn more than his wife. Sure, it would be nice to earn more than her. (Hell, it would be nice to earn more than my teenage son.) Fortunately, I don’t suffer self-esteem issues. (I’m a journalist, after all.) Nor is my wife one of those ambitious career women who is hated by all of the other women in the office. She is quite willing to give up her job, career, whatever, and stay home and raise children. Just as soon as we figure a way to do that on my salary — after which we intend to tackle the U.S. debt crisis.

Maybe it’s pointless to try to plumb the depths of the human heart. The novelist Ernest Hemingway married four smart, educated women and couldn’t stay married to three-fourths of them. James Joyce, on the other hand, married a chambermaid named Nora Barnacle, and even though he was neurotic and a drunkard, Miss Barnacle “stuck with him.”

I guess what works for you is whatever works for you.

You don’t need to be a smart guy to know that.

About the Author

Christopher Orlet writes from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (112) |

Charles R. Williams| 3.10.11 @ 6:58AM

Reversion to the mean explains a lot. Look, there is more to my wife than her IQ. And I'm sure she would say the same about me. She did not marry me because I am good at factoring.

DLB| 3.10.11 @ 7:51AM

The smarter you are, the more you have to deal with people that are always trying to prove that they're smarter than you. You go home to get away from that.

LarryK| 3.10.11 @ 8:49AM

The story of my life (and my wife)...spot on, 100% true, your home is your castle and a refuge from the 'frictions born of living.'

MikeD| 3.10.11 @ 1:25PM

The week after my graduation from college, in June of 1969, I married a gorgeous, tall, slim, beautiful blond who, for some strange reason said "Yes" when a geeky engineering student asked her to marry him. That was nearly 42 years ago, and she is sitting by my side as I compose this. (I use the term 'compose' because an incurable nerve disease has ravaged my limbs and I use voice recognition software to write messages and my six books.)

We struggled together in the beginning, raised two kids and now enjoy spoiling THEIR kids before we send them home for a reckoning with mom and dad! She started out in a career at the same time I did, and, when we decided we wanted a family five years later, she gave up her career because she WANTED to be a Mom.

However, when our kids had grown enough to give her a little free time, she assumed management of our finances and did very well. She then started a consulting company that has also done well. At the height of my career I was traveling 50% of my time and required multiple residences in approapiate countries. She went with me when the kids were on their own; and she paid attention and learned quite a bit about the world of high tech comunications.

At the age of 50, I was stricken with my 'affliction' and given four to five years to live. That was in 1997. I'm still here, maybe not kickin', but certainly active... because of her. Needless to say, I am no longer the 'dashing leading man' type I was in 1969; but she's still a strikingly beautiful tall, slim blond. Which of us is the smart one?

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 6:53PM

Hey, my wife graduated summa cum laude from 'Bama in accounting. I work and earn the income for the family---she homeschools the kids. My daughter, an adopted Mayan Indian Princess age 7, just took her California Aptitude Test for second grade. She scored 294 out of 300 questions right---99th percentile, Math and English.

I joined Mensa when I was 18. I count a Playboy Playmate of the Decade among my friends. I married a brilliant woman who wanted to raise kids, and she is doing it very well.

So Brilliant alpha males do not always marry dumb women.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:10PM

Both, MikeD, both.

MikeD| 3.10.11 @ 7:46PM

Thanks Occam! It's always good to hear from you. You have very busy attempting to teach our two little trolls something today. I applaud your effort, but it's like teaching a box turtle to walk a high wire! Keep up the fight!

As anybody heard from Brumby? I think I found his book and where to get it.

PJ| 3.10.11 @ 8:27AM

Christopher,
You just don't get it! Nice guys want to marry nice gals who take care of themselves but are not obsessive over their appearance & vice versa. Persons who do not fit in this very wide category generally have some type of neurosis to contend with. (There is a small group of people who choose not to be w/someone & dedicate their lives to a greater cause.)

mames| 3.11.11 @ 1:44AM

Never marry a worm. Dad told me that in 1968. I didn't, I married an intelligent woman who is always challenging and never boring. Also, I might add, smart women know what to do in bed.

Bob K.| 3.10.11 @ 8:28AM

Nicole Lapin was dumber than her date if she thought Potter Stewart invented that phrase. It was a common statement since before Stewart was born. Her date was lucky. Who would want to talk about Potter Stewart while conducting a romance? Women like her put themselves and their genes on the high road to oblivion. Smart men marry smart women, ambition is secondary.

FakeEagle| 3.10.11 @ 9:46AM

I'll take "wisdom" over "intelligence" any day.

KyMouse| 3.10.11 @ 10:35AM

Amen to that, FakeEagle. I was in Mensa for some years, but finally had enough of going to meetings during which guest speakers promoted euthanasia (for others, not themselves, of course), Darwinian evolution and other topics about which I held the minority viewpoint. Almost all of the members in my local chapter were atheists or Unitarian Universalists, which also says a lot.

Mensa still looks good on my resume, but I stopped wasting my dues on them long ago.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 6:54PM

Indeed. The whole point was to JOIN. I never attended a meeting. I knew I liked you, KY Mouse.

Ammo Guy| 3.10.11 @ 9:57AM

OTOH, Mr. Orlet's reference to the fetching young mademoiselle sent me scurrying to Wiki to see who she was - attended Harvard at 15, studied in Paris, valedictorian at Northwestern in journalism...and hot beyond all reasonableness. Fortunately, my long-suffering spouse of 25 years also remains hot and intelligent beyond all reasonableness, so my interest in Miss Lapin (which means “rabbit” en francais – not sure that is meaningful, but it is fun to think about) is strictly as a potential spouse for my manly offspring – let’s see if he can friend her on Facebook.

Denver Todd| 3.10.11 @ 11:02AM

It was Harry Potter, not Potter Stewart.

Bob K.| 3.10.11 @ 1:54PM

Good one Denver!
He probably said it too, some where in those interminable novels he was featured in.

Cpm| 3.10.11 @ 12:00PM

That quote applied to a pornography decision, so Ms. Lapin and her date were obviously discussing porn.

loulou| 3.10.11 @ 12:33PM

Lapin is a pretentious member of the intelligensia elite. Yuck. Can she hammer a nail is what I want to know?

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:09PM

Again, when she's old and wizened, and someone is making the decison on her ventilator, I'm sure Potter Stewart will be on her mind.

JimH| 3.10.11 @ 8:32AM

The quick answer of course is that these gals are not a dumb as they might appear.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:17PM

That would be correct, sir, and the opposite is true as well.

Not so smart if they're going after lazy guys. Good point.

MacDaddy| 3.10.11 @ 8:39AM

The secret is not necessarily to marry someone smart or someone less so...the secret is whomever you marry, that she be truly smarter than she thinks she is. Humility in a woman is a great virtue. If she thinks she's smarter than you, and she is, you'll be the moron all the time. If she thinks she's smarter than you, and she's not really, every decision becomes a test of argumentary endurance. If she thinks YOU'RE smarter than she, but she's smart enough to help out with decisions and you're smart enough to let her, that's the sweet spot. If she's not an Einstein, and realizes it enough to defer to you, that's pretty much OK too.

PolishKnight| 3.10.11 @ 12:04PM

You've just described the opposite of the character "Peggy Hill" in King of the Hill. Peggy often thinks she's smarter than she really is and this leads to amusing situations (sometimes, she gets lucky and turns out to be smart after all!)

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 6:56PM

Actually, my genius wife believes I'm smarter. I disagree with her. I focus on work, she focuses on the family and the home, taking care of all else. I am unbelievably lucky.

Peppermint Tea| 3.10.11 @ 8:44AM

Hey Nicole Lapin, heard of this phrase?
"They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."

Handy| 3.10.11 @ 9:18AM

Maureen Dowd wrote a whole book about how she couldn't find a smart, successful guy. She theorized that all the men she met were intimidated by her beauty and position at the Times. It never occurs to her that smart, succesful men just don't like the way she thinks.

Back in the 80's a book by a feminist writer was published. Title: Sleeping With Soldiers: In Search of the Macho Man. Because I was a soldier, I bought a whole case and sent them to all my current girlfriends. The rest I gave away to eligible females in the neighborhood.

It was a pretty effective way to score.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:18PM

Yeah, by surrounding herself with libs, that rules out all the smart men! lol

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:03PM

Actually, the problem with Maureen Dodd is very simply this, something that I use in my marriage counseling and which MikeD, a brilliant man, knows (and knew) instinctively---the correct spouse for you must be someone you would trust with the decision on your ventilator in an ICU.---that's short for---Can you trust her to defend your reputation, your finances, your good name, and your life itself when you are helpless? Does she know your wishes and does she have the love for you sufficient to act on same?

Only a madman or a drooling idiot would trust a Maureen Dodd or a Nicole Lapin. Hot only gets you so far---I've had a number of very hot friends---Playboy Playmates of the Decade/Models (a good friend of Whitesnake's model on the major video, for example, and a georgeous model herself). I practiced Medicine in LA for 5 years. That all fades---but character and honor stays. Character and honor stays.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:12PM

Sorry, gorgeous, not georgeous. Yeah, spellcheck is my friend.

Doc| 3.11.11 @ 5:01AM

Brillant, where can I get a copy...LMAO...

JimP| 3.10.11 @ 9:29AM

I guess I am a male chauvanist pig because what I see, hear and read is, as it has always been, the eternal battle of the sexes. Women want what they want, when they want it, except when they don't. And good luck figuring out the 'when they don't' part. Whether they are married or not. Alpha chicks go after alpha males because they are a challenge I suppose. Then they fight for 'control' over stupid stuff of no consequence and are passive aggressive, if not outright agressive, because they: 1) are still looking for that challenge; and /or 2) they have unresolved issues, esp with their father- aka 'The Patriarchy'. They want to be in charge without the man losing any masculinity. That's like marrying John Wayne, then wanting him to be Allan Alda, except when you want him to be John Wayne. Impossible, ladies. Just speaking from personal experience here. My conclusions are entirely anecdotal. I could use a break from all the drama and would enjoy a little dumb docility. Vive la difference!

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:20PM

LMAO!

IanStrachan| 3.10.11 @ 9:41AM

If Mr. Orlet had paid more attention to his English courses,perhaps he might be making more money than she.

erp| 3.10.11 @ 10:00AM

Right on.

Stammon| 3.10.11 @ 10:08AM

He's getting paid to write, are you?

Dai Alanye | 3.10.11 @ 11:52AM

It's been a while, but I recall my English courses requiring the use of spaces between words, even when a comma was interposed.

;~}

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 9:45AM

Hey, Christopher, the smart guys just want a woman that makes more money than him! lol

With that being said, R.I.P. Christopher Orlet

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 9:49AM

All kidding aside, I can assure you Christopher is spot on the money in his analysis. I know there are exceptions to the rule, but the rule is: Driven, motivated, alpha females seem to go for losers quite a bit from what I see as a 28 yr old single male.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 9:52AM

But then again, any self-respecting man who comes to Louisville, KY will be in utter shock after seeing the juxtaposition of so many beautiful women with lame, lame men. Not lame in the nerdy sense, but lame in the "I-think-I'm-a-gangster-white-boys-who-weigh-130lbs-dripping-wet" form.

JRGierlach| 3.10.11 @ 11:34AM

This is not a Louisville only phenomena. I have seen this in all of the US cities I travel thru, but have not seen it in the infamously named 'third' world.
In South America I saw gorgeous women with men, who looked and acted like men, not post pubescent wannabe bad "boys."

JimP| 3.10.11 @ 11:55AM

American girls, IMO, are conflicted and confused by all the feminist BS eminating via the kulturesmog. I don't get the appeal of skinny, gangsta white boys, but can't help but think it's some kind of badboy rebellion thing. Anyway, thanks for the tip about SA girls. I have three sons who I have been telling since they were knee high to 'don't get married until you are 35 and have made it financially'. Now I know they can find a wife in SA who wants a man, not a surrogate father against whom she can remain in perpetual adolescent rebellion.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:24PM

Take a trip to South America, boys?

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:42PM

Kinda comes down to the whole idea that if you are what you say you are, you don't need to go out of your way to prove it.

From my experience, these skinny punks that try to dress like gangsters are as soft as they come.

Kinda like, if you want to know who has the money, look for the guy that's NOT in the suit at 1130pm on a saturday.

On that note, Guys: If you're going to be a schmuck and wear a suit to a bar on a saturday night, at least get a nice one. I'm going to slap somebody if I see another cheap suit! lol

And oh yeah, ladies: Spend some time at a mens' outfitter so you can tell the difference between a good suit and a cheap one so you can point out these schmucks. Just tryin' to help you out.

JimP| 3.10.11 @ 4:27PM

You got it, Phil. Amen.

Alert1201| 3.10.11 @ 2:43PM

I've seen the same thing. Nice, well dressed attractive women with tatood slobs with strange piercings, pants down to their knees who spent 1/2 of the dinner on the phone while their date sat there doing nothing. My only hope was that it was the last date.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:22PM

It was the last date. But she just found a different version of the same guy and now she's bashing all men in general over her error in judgement.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:07PM

Phil---the Matzoh Ball soup in Jerry's Deli on Ventura Blvd. in the Valley is quite fantastic. Even more fantastic is watching the stream of gorgeous women come in on Friday night after 10 PM with the Creatures From The Black Lagoon. As a psychiatrist in training, I found it simply a fantastic place to people watch. That and Cantor's Deli.

DD| 3.10.11 @ 9:55AM

Indeed, great article.

BTW, square root of 28 is irrational, and can't be expressed in radical form. So your wife ain't as smart as either of you think.

DD| 3.10.11 @ 10:00AM

I ain't as smart as I think either. I meant to say rational form.

anon| 3.10.11 @ 6:05PM

2radical7

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 9:56AM

Personally, call me crazy, but I want a driven woman. Relationships are about having things in common. If success isn't as important to her as it is to me, or vice versa, it probably won't work.

I guess I just don't want a woman that needs me to always encourage her to get out and do for self. That should come as a factory option.

Patrick| 3.10.11 @ 12:50PM

There's motivated and then there's alpha-feminist. It isn't about doing what it takes to have a nice house, car, retiring rich and early. No, for the a-f, it's all about power, domination, and competition, and absolutely none of it is off-limits from that competition. Mix that together with an ultimate ideal best described in that horrible movie, "Eat, Pray, Love", and I'd rather be celibate. It's not about smarts or personal motivation, it's about ego.

erp| 3.10.11 @ 9:58AM

Sure, it would be nice to earn more than her ... and you're a journalist?

You might make more money in the writing game if you brushed up on your grammar.

KyMouse| 3.10.11 @ 10:39AM

yes -- "to earn more than she." Unless he left out a noun after "her" -- I was trying to picture what it might be.

Dai Alanye | 3.10.11 @ 11:59AM

Above all, avoid taking up with a woman who has joined Mensa. Not that Mensa's much worse than the Church of Scientology or the Trilateral Commission, but the fact she wishes to proclaim her vast intelligence is a bad sign.

But if you go ahead despite my warning, do your best to catch her in a grammatical error. A public correction takes the starch out for some time.

KyMouse| 3.10.11 @ 3:50PM

Absolootly troo.

Dai Alanye | 3.10.11 @ 4:58PM

Of course I don't include YOU, Mouse, or any lovely woman with whom I agree most of the time.

Member of MindHead| 3.10.11 @ 5:01PM

Hey dere, Dai, didn't I see you correcting someone's punctuation at 11:52 a.m.?

You get points for knowing that the name is "Mensa," not "MENSA." Many people believe it is the latter. "Mensa" is, as we all know, Latin for "table" -- not an acronym.

Bless you, my child, for your astutitude.

Dai Alanye | 3.11.11 @ 9:33AM

"correcting someone's punctuation…"

Someone needs to do the cleanup around here.

anon| 3.10.11 @ 6:08PM

It's colloquial usage. Using "she" would have just sounded pretentious.

mzk1| 3.10.11 @ 10:07AM

Interesting. I got the reference, but I'm 52. So she wants an older guy?

Sheila| 3.10.11 @ 10:10AM

As a happily married woman for 20+ years, I can still remember the shock on both men's and women's faces when they learned that I really didn't want to make Ambassador; I wanted to get married and have children (and I did). Many men were thrilled to find a smart woman who wanted to be a homemaker (I got a proposal in about a week from one guy). A quote from a lightweight "chick lit" author sums it up nicely: "Once a man bites into something with zest, he's ruined for cotton candy." Elizabeth Lowell, "Moving Target."

jolizoom| 3.10.11 @ 7:55PM

LOVE this quote! :-)

John| 3.10.11 @ 10:25AM

In my experience men are generally scared of intelligent women. Men on average are domineering. A superior woman of which there are many upset this deep biologically psychological sense in men. It's all evolution.

Patrick| 3.10.11 @ 1:06PM

.......riiiiiiight......

Go to a bowling alley, talk with the men in the leagues, ask what they do, what their girlfriends/spouses do. Get back to me. (Not everyone in a bowling league is a blue collar slob, but there are plenty of them and proud of it)

When it comes down to it, "smart women" aren't intimidating, just obnoxious. Look, a woman who I can respect intellectually is a powerful turn-on, but there is no amount of learning and money that can compensate for a hostile personality.

daddio| 3.10.11 @ 1:56PM

Horse excrement. Smart is sexy. But too many women confuse smart with obnoxious. If you have to tell everyone within earshot how smart and powerful you are, you aren't. Truly smart powerful women don't have to say a word.

Stoddard| 3.10.11 @ 2:15PM

In my experience, it's just the opposite.
Every man I know (including myself) is more embarrassed by dumb girlfriends than "intimidated" by smart ones.

Alert1201| 3.10.11 @ 2:49PM

Not me. I'd marry Ann Colter any day. I'd even let her win every argument.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 3:26PM

What would there be to argue about?

BTW, I'll take Megyn Kelly or S.E. Cupp for starters. Then I would cruise on over to the Fox Business Network.

I better stop there. I'm getting all hot and bothered.

Quartermaster| 3.10.11 @ 4:01PM

Coulter is far to thin to be hot.

Dave| 3.10.11 @ 4:42PM

Au contraire, John., the dumb ones bored me to tears, the smart one kept me on my toes. After 36 years, I wouldn't have it any other way.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:45PM

Is that your experience? Getting intimidated by smart women?

Doesn't suprise me, John (muhammed).

John| 3.10.11 @ 6:28PM

A women can be married for many attributes looks, lineage, wealth but the most important is piety. I'm married to a very smart lady - I'm thankful each day.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:19PM

No, John, it's all Islamist horse puckey.

Real Men like Real Women. I liked dating the smartest, most decent woman I could find. Piety means nothing without honor. You are right to consider yourself lucky, though. You're on the shallow end of the pool.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:25PM

Number of Islamic non-Peace Nobelists---3. Number of Jewish non-peace Nobelists (smart Jews are NOT intimidated by smart women)---160 plus.

Steve A| 3.10.11 @ 10:27AM

I have no opinion on this subject until provided with said opinion by my lovely spouse. Just kidding. I got lucky & tricked one smarter than me. Things are not dull.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 11:21AM

LOL! Better listen to the boss, Steve!

Petronius| 3.10.11 @ 10:30AM

We all operate on expectations. The higher they are, the fewer relationships you have.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:46PM

The less pointless, waste-of-time relationships you have as well.

Matt Morehouse | 3.10.11 @ 10:40AM

I once dated a very beautiful and highly compensated print saleswoman. She wanted to get married and have children. I had two by a "previous" and didn't want anymore.

She dumped me and married a Macys shoe salesman. She has one child and last I heard she was very happy with her househusband.

Jim| 3.10.11 @ 11:22AM

As an old man that has been married to the same lady for 47 years all the comments are a hoot. Being from the "hunter gathers" group of males I thought it my job to provide for the family while her job was to provide a home and raise great children. It all turned out that way it was planed because we became a team without power struggles. Try living within your means and the money battles fade away!!

Patrick| 3.10.11 @ 1:09PM

Wise words indeed.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 11:23AM

Hey Chris, as a married man, you should use more caution in writing articles about how you are having a hard time picking up alpha-girls. lol

MikeN| 3.10.11 @ 11:42AM

Dennis Prager summed it up nicely:

A man wants to be admired by a woman they love. A woman wants to be loved by a man they admire.

Doctor Right| 3.10.11 @ 12:39PM

Type-A+ "alpha babes" would do well to remember that when they force us (men) to deal with their neurotic, obsessive-compulsive, "I'm as good as any man" aggression all day at the office, then we want something a little less confrontational at home.

Sorry, but that's the cold, hard truth.

Pat| 3.10.11 @ 12:59PM

In the much loved musical “Fiddler on the Roof”, dirt poor, hardworking Tevye must employ the village matchmaker to find husbands for his 5 daughters. In modern day 2011, men and women hire a machine to compare their compatibility factors as defined by faceless experts at Mactch.com and with the exact same goal in mind as the 19th century, Jewish father, Tevye. We’ve progressed so far, so fast, that nowadays prospective couples will gladly trust a machine programmed by a complete stranger instead of someone they personally know, who knows them in return and who, out of kindness, actually wishes to help. Some folks might not consider that to be “progress”, they might believe resorting to a computer as their matchmaker is depressingly sad – and rather pathetic.

Amusingly, our society is circling an enormous track, metaphorically a racetrack several million miles in circumference, we can’t see the circle curve, we see only a straight path ahead and so we believe we’re making continuous upward “social” progress. We’ve further decided to define intelligence by our formal education and how much we earn. The 40 year old, childless Wall Street career woman with the 6 figure salary and Wharton MBA is supposedly smarter than the middle class housewife who married the blue collar guy with the modestly successful plumbing business. The housewife has a rich, full life, loving and being loved by her family in return, but she isn’t smart compared to her theoretical American sister, the leveraged buyout expert.

Ms. Wall Street spends her Spring vacation in Milan, summers in Tuscany and finds Aspen perfect for a winter ski getaway. But this extremely bright, by our definition, go-getter is filling out her compatibility form on Match.com this evening and desperately hoping to meet Mr. Right before it’s too late – so who is the dumb one?

Alert1201| 3.10.11 @ 2:52PM

So true. Who is a better judge of character and compatability, a machine or a set of experienced loving parents?

The Big E| 3.10.11 @ 3:18PM

Brilliant post! The real question is not, "why do smart guys marry dumb girls?" The real question is, "why do we assume girls that marry smart guys are dumb?"

Ambition does not equal intelligence.
Education does not equal intelligence.

CalMark| 3.10.11 @ 3:04PM

No man worth his salt wants to marry a woman who will endlessly compete with him.

Most men don't want to be house-husbands. Most men want to be The Man.

Women are powerless in "traditional gender roles?" Tell that to Henry VIII, who despite all his power and authority, had resort to murder: stubborn wives wouldn't give in to his whims, and he couldn't find a way around them.

Occam's Tool| 3.10.11 @ 7:21PM

She can be brilliant and still support her man, you know.

Michael| 3.10.11 @ 3:05PM

It's been my experience women want "the bad boys", the guys from soap operas and 90210. They don't take the time to realize they are called bad boys for a reason.

GENE HAUBER| 3.10.11 @ 3:36PM

WHAT A GREAT ARTICLE !!!!

The Big E| 3.10.11 @ 3:49PM

First, see my response above about Ambition and Education not equaling intelligence (in either men or women). Personally, back in the day when I was dating (I've been married for 15+ years), I never found exceptionally intelligent women to be the least bit intimidating. I did find that a lot them were exceptionally obnoxious and acted as if they wanted to be a man, which I never understood. Needless to say, I never found a woman mimicking the personality of man to be the least bit interesting or attractive. I wound up marrying a woman who is, in so many ways, so much smarter than I, but who is also exceptionally feminine.

I simply do not understand women who seem attracted to effeminate men, or men who seem attracted to androgynous women, and it seems like I see so much of that among young people these days.

On a marginally relevant note, I heard a veteran divorce lawyer one time opine that most divorces happen because:

"A man marries a woman hoping she'll never change, but she will. A woman marries a man thinking she'll be able to change him, but she can't."

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:12PM

From my experience, sometimes the obnoxiousness is simply there to cover up a lack of intelligence. An intelligent woman doesn't need this.

The Big E| 3.10.11 @ 4:30PM

I couldn't agree more.

(I'm about to get in trouble here - but, what the heck.)

I always find it ironic that the same women who claim they want to be treated "just like one of the guys" at work are the first to complain when the men at work treat exactly like they say they want to be treated - i.e. - "just like one of the guys." They're offended when their male coworkers treat them like one of the guys, and when their male co-workers DON'T treat them like one of the guys. Doesn't make sense.

In my work (criminal defense and domestic litigation) I encounter a lot of women in a direct, adversarial manner - i.e. - opposing female lawyers. As a general rule, the female lawyers I encounter who try to practice law like their male counterparts are nowhere near as effective, especially against their male counterparts, as the female lawyers who practice in a more - shall we say - feminine manner. Just as we men sometimes can't seem to fathom the female mind at home, we male lawyers sometimes can't fathom (and therefore effectively counter) the female lawyer's mind in the courtroom - except when the female lawyer feels she must practice in imitation of her male counterparts, and then we can read them like an open book.

(I said I was about to get in trouble here.)

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:37PM

LOL

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:38PM

I think its way hotter for a woman to embrace the female gender role than to try and be a man. I hear ya on that.

PhilTheCapitalistPig| 3.10.11 @ 4:42PM

I can't decide if its pure looks or not, but Sarah Palin does a damn fine job of "playing with the boys" without trying to be one of them.

I think when a woman embraces her feminine side, she can be much more effective than a man at just about any job. Partly because men are easily suckered by a charming woman, but thats beside the point.

Tom in Michigan| 3.10.11 @ 4:51PM

Smart AND beautiful (like all my girlfriends when I was single and my wife today) is the only way to go. Add in being truly independent (unlike the "fake" independence of the Feminazis who believe their utter lack of desirability on all fronts makes them so) and, it's perfection, womanified. Guess the MBA paid off, after all.

Well, I'm off to buy a new BMW.

Bill| 3.10.11 @ 6:59PM

The key is what women find "interesting" in a man. It used to be they looked for a man who could offer security, but now, with women pursuing lucrative careers, they often deviate from the old standard. I see intelligent, productive, wealthy career women marrying card dealers in casinos, mechanics, computer programmers, drunks, cowboys, and so on.

They often marry late in life after spending their 20s and 30s engaging in casual relationships and promiscuous, so it seems as if they've spent their formative years and early- to mid-adulthood trying to preserve their senior year in high school.

They frequently wind up having children and supporting them as a single mom after they find out their husband is not somehow up to their standards, and paying ex-hubby spousal support.

Men think they want a women who is motivated like and thinks like a man, and women think they want some guy who will be dependent on them so they'll be needed. Those who have the ability to look for such partners quickly find out how misguided they've been.

PolishKnight| 3.10.11 @ 8:06PM

Interesting film kind of about the subject: Cherry 2000. Guys, which would you rather have? Cherry 2000 or Melanie Griffith?

Flee| 3.10.11 @ 8:13PM

Mr. Orlet,
Keep writing such witty columns like this one and maybe your prospects will outpace your teenager. Until then keep us all entertained and I'm sure AmSpec will keep you around. Making good coffee is still something to hang your hat on too. A good wife is hard to find whatever model you choose.

Vic| 3.10.11 @ 8:37PM

I find those who excel at humility and self sacrifice much more appealing than those who excel in money making or book smarts. Those with downs syndrome are more pleasurable to be around than some who would fall under the category of "smart".

I've been married for 28 years to a wonderful woman who doesn't know how to calculate with pi, but she can comfort a crying child the best of anyone I've ever seen! She excels at being a good person, and children can sense it. I only hope some of her has rubbed off on me over the years.

carnot| 3.10.11 @ 11:12PM

ok....I'll be the one to introduce the obvious missing theme in this thread:

so when do we get to the "who's better in bed" part?

336blues| 3.11.11 @ 9:01AM

Here's areally simple answer. Guys want women that like sex.

Timothy Birdnow | 3.12.11 @ 9:11AM

There's smart and then there is Smart with a capital S. The official Smart is code for liberal, aggressive feminist. Nobody wants to be married to a rival; marriage is about supporting one another, not one-upmanship.

The Smart women never seem to understand that.

Give me a smart woman, or average, any day over the Smart one!

DG in GA| 3.12.11 @ 8:21PM

Mr. Orlet, I don't know where you were when I was young, sexy and single, but I can't tell you how many men dumped me because they said I was too smart. They said when they come home from work they don't want to have to have a conversation with a woman. And I WANTED to meet a nice guy, get married, have kids and be a stay-at-home mom. While I waited to find the right guy, I also got an MBA and worked as a Vice President in Commercial Lending at a bank.

After a woman graduates from college, it's a LOT harder to find a guy who doesn't either feel competitive with you or insecure because maybe you're smarter or make more money than he does. I will say, as a smart woman, I did NOT choose as a husband and father of my children, a guy who was unambitious and happy to live off of me. I succeeded in business because that's who I am and I work hard, but the more I succeeded, the fewer men were interested.

Eventually, too late for babies, I did meet a man - divorced from the gorgeous but vapid first wife - who decided that he really wanted to be with a woman who was smart enough to carry on a conversation when he got home from work.

the gunslinger| 3.13.11 @ 2:11PM

I do enjoy the fact that every man commenting here automatically assumes he's one of the "smart" ones...

Creative Recreation | 8.11.11 @ 2:00AM

is good

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