The American Spectator : Reality for the Devil

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Reality for the Devil

The devil is alive and active in the world and maybe up for a Grammy.

A few blocks from my home is the spot where the most famous exorcism in American history took place, the one William Peter Blatty used as the basis for his novel The Exorcist. Most of "the rite" took place in the psychiatric ward of Alexian Brothers Hospital in 1949. The hospital no longer exists. (Cue ghostly music.) It was long ago destroyed by the malevolent forces of the Midwest Wrecking Company. However, if you go to the site and stand on what's now a very black and ominous parking lot, you will not only be told to leave before police are summoned, you will notice a crack in the pavement that resists all attempts to seal it. A crack, legend has it, that extends all the way to Hell (Cue crazy demonic laughing).

When I'm not staring at cracks in parking lot pavements, I sometimes wonder if there hasn't been a recent spike in Satanic meddling. How else might one explain the persistence of North Korea, the popularity of Two and a Half Men, and the three-hour Monday morning staff meeting, except, to quote Pope John Paul II, "the devil is still alive and active in the world"?

Now it's official. According to a Catholic Church spokesman, exorcism requests have been unusually high for "the last five years or so." Which makes me wonder what happened five years ago that got Mephistopheles so hot?

Church officials have a few theories. These include the Charismatic Renewal Movement, endless Hollywood treatments and, that universal scapegoat, the Internets. Add to that, increased immigration from "developing" countries where demonic possessions are as common as Kalashnikovs.

All of those explanations seem entirely plausible, as well as extremely boring. Besides, they are overlooking the obvious explanation.

Looking back, we find roughly five years have passed since Saddam Hussein moved into his new digs overlooking a certain Lake of Fire. It's easy to imagine Saddam strolling through the gates of Hell, taking a look around and immediately barking orders.

SADDAM: What is it with you demons, lying around all day watching reruns of Two and a Half Men? Shouldn't you be upstairs tormenting people? Hitler, Woodrow Wilson, how can you allow such sloth?

HITLER (shrugging): It's one of the Seven Deadly Sins, isn't it?

Do you have a better explanation?

EVER SINCE VATICAN II, the Church has been hoping the whole awkward idea of demonic possessions would go away, along with its various sex scandals, Rome's concordat with Nazi Germany, and those weird nuns who want to be priests. But, since demonic possession seems here to stay -- thanks to Hollywood schlockmeisters -- some Church officials have opted to embrace the phenomenon. If nothing else, exorcising demons is a chance for priests to play the good guys for once.

Which is why the Catholic Church recently held a two-day exorcist seminar for 110 clergy at the Baltimore Marriott Waterfront. Appropriately enough, since the Marriott was the scene of the infamous Nightmare on Waterfront Street, during which I downed five fuzzy melon balls in less than two hours and spent the night projectile vomiting green bile all over my bed.

Religious experts may not know what this sudden rise in reported possessions means, but television producers sure as hell do. It means a great idea for a reality television show. So this spring the Discovery Network is launching a new show called "The Exorcist Files," which stars Pope Benedict as a sexy, brooding, paranormal investigator who's got a thing for his co-star Sister Eleanor, played by Gillian Anderson.

Not really.

But the Catholic Church is opening up its secret files and making its usually guarded exorcists available for the show. After all, it's TV. And, as anyone who's seen the film To Die For knows, "you're not really anybody in America unless you're on TV... 'cause what's the point of doing anything worthwhile if there's nobody watching?"

I'll definitely be watching. Demonic possession makes for great TV. I mean, battling the Germans or spinal cancer or a giant corrupt multinational corporation is one thing, but a reality TV show that pits heroic clergymen against the Prince of Darkness himself -- it doesn't get any more dramatic than that.

About the Author

Christopher Orlet writes every Thursday from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (23) | Leave a comment

Will| 2.3.11 @ 8:47AM

Hey, and let's not forget the slick, forked-tongue messenger that recently appeared from parts unknown, who sows chaos wherever he goes!

Ken in Tyler| 2.3.11 @ 11:36AM

That forked-tongued messenger's birthplace may be unknown, but his most recent place of residence was Illinois. Say, they have a lot of trouble with cracks in the pavement there, don't they?

Rick V.| 2.3.11 @ 9:28AM

Will,
Could you be a bit more specific, please? You've just described any and every elected politician.

Walkthetalk| 2.3.11 @ 10:12AM

How about a TV series starring Obama. After all, his father is the Devil. It could be called Dreams from My Father. Blasphemy you say? Not in the least. Jesus told us Obama’s father is the devil, remember, when he said to the leftists, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires.” Don’t you remember when he said that? Go to www.biblegateway.com and check it out. There you will find a book to guide the TV series. But Jesus says more about Obama’s father, “He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” Obama is certainly like this description of his father. Obama supports abortion even through the third trimester, and he supports the Muslim Brotherhood. What’s more, he certainly is a liar, as even testified to in Congress. The whole Democrat Party would be a willing supporting cast, with union leadership, and leftist churches clamoring for face time. Oh, you say there already is a series starring Obama as President of the United States. Is it a comedy, or a tragedy? It’s both? Figures! If anyone wants more information on a series called Life and Eternal Life go to www.christforamericans.com. There you will find that Life and Eternal Life has a series of happy endings, and you can be in the supporting cast.

Hollywould| 2.3.11 @ 12:01PM

How about a TV show starring McCain called The Man with Two Faces. It would be interesting. He could speak out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and stand on both sides of the aisle with his fingers crossed to ward off criticism. In episode two he would let in hoards of illegal aliens to turn this country into a lawless hell.

Rahmulus| 2.3.11 @ 12:32PM

How about a show starring Rahm Emanuel playing himself, since his last name means "God with us." He could play the Mayor of Chicago when hell freezes over. In the first episode he could walk on frozen water and gather dead fish for distribution to all opponents of his fun-loving devilish ways.

PJ| 2.3.11 @ 10:47AM

Christopher Orlet,

While I normally appreciate your-tongue-in-cheek humor, you should not treat demonic possession as a joke. It is a very serious event & thank goodness it does not occur that often.

I would think another reason Rome is opening up its secret files is to show proof that demons do exist & have no problem trying to destroy our relationship w/God, even if they have to physically possess a person's body to try to accomplish this feat.

I don't know if will watch The Exorcist Files but I would like to see the movie, The Rite. I understand it's an accurate portrayal of the Catholic Church's Exorcism Rite, which is something I would never want to witness in real life.

Ken in Tyler| 2.3.11 @ 11:43AM

A vary serious topic indeed. A vivid memory in my life is from decades ago when I was stationed in Iwakuni, Japan. As a young Christian who knew no better, I had just read the (then) new book, The Exorcist. The very night on which I finished it, I awoke with a start because my bed was literally banging against the wall. Scared the bejeebers out of me! Fortunately, it turned out to be "only" an earthquake. I won't be watching the new tv show, historical or not.

Maryland Lady| 2.3.11 @ 2:40PM

I went to see The Rite and as a Catholic, it was a very underwhelming movie. I found the ending farfetched and unrealistic. If it actually depicts an accurate portrayal of the Catholic Church's Exorcism Rite, then there were scenes missing, IMO. It had a creepy effect, but The Exorcist, by far, to this day, years later, still scares the crap out of me because it was more convincing to me than The Rite.

PJ| 2.3.11 @ 3:26PM

From what I have been told, most exorcisms are rather boring. Knowing that a demon is manifesting itself however mundane is enough for me to have irrational fear.

Ken (Old Texican)| 2.3.11 @ 11:51AM

Christopher,
Please take your tongue out of your ***** and put it back in your cheek where it belongs.

A. Murray Kahn| 2.3.11 @ 1:09PM

Rinse it out with soap first.

PJ| 2.3.11 @ 3:30PM

Very good play w/words. I think I just might like you! (I already respect your opinions.)

Appleby| 2.3.11 @ 11:55AM

I know enough about this subject already without watching teevee turn it into Buffy the Vampire Slayer for the entertainment of the idiocracy.

NaturalBorn Texican| 2.3.11 @ 1:09PM

Remember in one of the Star Wars movies when Luke says he's not afraid. Then very quietly and distinctly Yoda says, "You will be.............You will be."

Don't be deceived. Satan walks the earth as he always has and always will do until Jesus returns to collect His own.

Not afraid??? YOU WILL BE!!!!!!!

Bill| 2.3.11 @ 1:13PM

I have had the long-standing impression that Catholic theology holds that there is no Manichean duality of good and evil. If one were going to believe in possession by the Devil, wouldn't one have to believe that God and Satan are separate?

But isn't that kind of belief tantamount to, if not the very thing itself, the Manichean heresy? What is the deal here? What does the Catholic Church say about this? I have been told, and believe, that the Roman Catholic Church performs exorcisms, and I know that the New Testament tells of at least one instance where Jesus exorcised demons from a possessed person, but what the heck is this? Are Catholics Manicheans or not?

Walkthetalk| 2.3.11 @ 2:34PM

Manicheaism has its roots in Gnosticism which is based on knowledge. It says the devil created this present world (as in Genesis 2) after the world created by God (Genesis 1) was destroyed by the war in heaven. It tried to explain the existence of evil. The two creation narratives in Genesis 1 and 2 have prompted many heresies. (For more on this topic see www.christforamericans.com )

Bill, I want to make it clear, no Christian church can be Manichaean. Christianity is based on faith, specifically, it’s not what you know, but who you know, or rather who knows you that really counts. This means you must be in Jesus and have Jesus in you. Christianity is not mental assent, but a spiritual oneness with Jesus through the Holy Spirit. Note that if you do not choose Jesus, you have chosen to remain under the control of your fallen spirit. The fallen spirit is subject to the ruler of this world. Jesus said, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires.” His desires are all against truth and righteousness. He sets up many straw-dogs (such as Manicheaism) to distract people from life in Christ Jesus. What’s more, no one is saved by membership in a church. Evil exists because sin exists (turning away from God), but you must choose to turn away from evil – Repent, turn to Jesus. You are responsible for your own choice. Life is only in Jesus.

ann| 2.3.11 @ 1:25PM

The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he doesn't exist.

Too Many Tims| 2.3.11 @ 2:18PM

But can he convince the IRS?

simon templar| 2.3.11 @ 4:19PM

Just what is the point of this article? Orlet! Be careful with your sarcasm and frivolity with this subject. You are playing around with fire.

ME tea| 2.3.11 @ 10:04PM

---Even after Pheonix, NO examination of the
systematic, carefully engineered (Harry Potter
BTW is part of this) mainstreaming of the Satanic
and occult by the 'Big Boys' in our Globalist,
capstone, eugenics-crazed, TAX FREE 'charitable'
foundations, NGO's, cultural fronts etc..

WAKE UP!

John Carnal| 2.4.11 @ 1:24AM

Speaking of the Prince of Darkness : Mr. President, show us your papers! [pass it on]

Christian Louboutin| 6.23.11 @ 4:13AM

A few blocks from my home is the spot where the most famous exorcism in American history took place, the one William Peter Blatty used as the basis for his novel The Exorcist. Most of "the rite" took place in the psychiatric ward of Alexian Brothers Hospital in 1949. The hospital no longer exists. (Cue ghostly music.) It was long ago destroyed by the malevolent forces of the Midwest Wrecking Company