Any good presidential candidate will spend time, and order staff
to spend time, analyzing all of his/her weaknesses and drawing up a
brutal list of things opponents will attack him/her on. Just about
every potential participant in the coming Republican presidential
sweepstakes will have plenty of good things to cite, so this
following list should not be taken to disparage all sorts
of personal strengths, points of attractiveness, and electoral
advantages that each of the candidates can boast. But, to get out
front on the absolutely prime reasons why, from a certain vantage
point, nobody is worthy of the nomination, here is the
pessimist’s view of the potential Republican field.
Mitt Romney should be an absolute non-starter. The very
last thing Republicans should do is put up against Mr. Obamacare
the guy who implemented an individual health-insurance mandate at
the state level. Plus, the guy is plastic.
Gong!
Sarah Palin? Get real. Nobody with a 59 percent
disapproval rating nationwide can win. Plus, what has she actually
accomplished in office? She quit the governorship before any of her
initiatives really bore fruit.
Mike Huckabee has no redeeming features beyond his
over-hyped wit. His ethics
stink. And if Republicans nominate a guy
with a
pardon record worse than Mike Dukakis, they can
retire the name “The Stupid Party” and call themselves “The
Hopelessly Moronic Party” forever and ever, world without end,
Amen.
Newt Gingrich: Great ideas man. Too radioactive. Too prone
to turn off independent voters. And too mercurial.
John Thune looks good. What has he ever actually done?
Does he have any signature issues?… What’s that? No, I didn’t think
so. Meanwhile, does anybody remember the fictional Bob
Forehead?
Mitch Daniels might have gotten away with a random call,
in context, for a “truce” on social issues. But he kept repeating
it until it became clear he really doesn’t care about sticking a
fork in the eye of traditional-values folks. Even clearer is that
he has more tin in his ear than the heartless guy who led Dorothy
to the Emerald City.
Tim Pawlenty was full of global warming nonsense less than
three years ago. Typical politician: Sees trendy issue, doesn’t
have a clue about actual facts, tries to jump in front of parade.
No thanks.
Haley Barbour’s biggest claim to fame is that he
supposedly handled Katrina well. Oh, really? Has anybody actually
driven along the Mississippi Coast from Waveland to Gulfport? In
terms of life, there’s almost no there there. Vast stretches of
empty lots stretch undisturbed by hand of man. Oft-criticized New
Orleans has recovered much better than the Mississippi coast.
Meanwhile, if you think the national media had fun with George
Allen’s macaca and Trent Lott’s Strom-for-president yearnings, wait
until they get done with Barbour’s White Citizens
Council.
Jeb Bush is a Bush. Two iterations are enough. Hell,
Dynasty wasn’t even a good TV show.
Rick Santorum lost in his home state by, what, 18 points?
That’s not much of a keystone. (INTERRUPTION: I just can’t
stay so uniformly negative. I’m not disciplined enough. Darn it.
Read
this. And
this.)
David Petraeus is too busy running a war. Good man, but no
general should run unless his military job is done.
Herman Cain is a great guy with an excellent business
record. But he couldn’t even force a runoff, much less actually
win, the Republican nomination for Senate in Georgia. What is he
doing running for president?
John Bolton scares the hell out of people. Children hide
in closets and dogs scamper behind sofas when he scowls.
To borrow a disparaging phrase used by my friend/fellow
columnist Deroy Murdock way back in the 1980s, Bobby Jindal has
“dared to be cautious” as governor of Louisiana. Aside from
disaster management, has he actually been an effective reformer in
Louisiana? Uh, not really. Besides, hell, he’s up for re-election
this year: What’s he gonna do — re-win the governorship in
November and turn around and run for president in January? Plus, he
sounded like Howdy Doody in his response to Obama’s speech,
whenever that was.
Michelle Bachmann fails the gravitas test. She’s a loud
back-bencher who hasn’t really legislated.
Jim DeMint isn’t gonna run. Neither is Paul Ryan. Neither
is Chris Christie, who shouldn’t run anyway, because he hasn’t been
governor long enough to prove his bona fides and because he just
appointed a dodgy Muslim to the state Supreme Court. Marco Rubio
isn’t ready. Rick Perry is yet another Texas governor. Mike Pence
threw away a golden opportunity. And Harold Stassen is campaigning
in the Great Beyond.
….
….
….
There, did all those negatives get you riled up? Believe
me that I can, and will, write plenty of nice things about many of
these folks (not Huckabee, though) in the coming months. But if you
are prone to be so easily riled, just go ahead and get rile-y. Stay
tuned.
