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Ben Stein's Diary

Team Player

What I did over my Christmas and New Year’s vacation.

Monday — January 3, 2011
What I did over my Christmas and New Year’s vacation:

I drove down to Rancho Mirage from Beverly Hills with my fwife, threef German Short-haired Pointers, and a Maltese. We ran into heavy traffic, stopped for food, ran into more traffic, got to our house. I swam under the stars. My wife watched a literally endless series of reruns of her favorite two shows, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit and NCIS.

The latter always reminds me that I repeatedly pitched a series about criminal investigators within the Navy about twenty-five or thirty years ago when I was in the TV production game. Of course, it never got picked up.

My pal Al Burton and I also pitched to a big Silicon Valley law firm a yearbook that would be online and where you could list all your pals and you could stay in touch online. The man we talked to at the law firm raved about what a great idea it was but we never heard from him again. I would guess there are about ten million Americans who have similar tales of woe. Success goes to those who actually work at something and complete it, not to those who just have an idea.

By the way, this reminds me that I really miss working as a part of a  team. I really only felt I did it a few times in my life. The best time by far was at the Nixon White House under the capable leadership of Dave Gergen, with the brilliant John Coyne and Aram Bakshian teaching me the ropes. The second best time was at the Yale Law School Film Society. Wow, we had fun renting movies and showing them at Yale, and bringing in Jean-Luc Godard (who turns out apparently to be a big anti-Semite, so I read), and Russ Meyer, and Abe Polonski (I may have that name spelled wrong ), and the man who directed It Happened One Night, now, what was his name?? The best part of that was going around the campus at Yale putting up flyers. I did that with my pal Peter Presto Broderick and we talked about movies the whole time. I was thin and hip and I would flirt with the girls I met even though I had the most beautiful girl at Yale as my wife (she’s still my wife). It seemed to me that those days would never end, but they did. Anyway, I miss being part of a team.

I guess I am part of The American Spectator Team and The NewsMax Team and the Fox News Team and the CNN Team and the most gilded part of my life, the Tiffany Network CBS Sunday Morning Team. But it’s not the same as walking around Yale in the New England autumn.

Then there was another team: my dear genius pals Arthur Best and Gale Miller and I doing litigation at the FTC. They were and are great guys and super duper smart. But that was hard, drudge work with yucky deadlines and much better lawyers than I was on the other side. We lost our big case and I learned that litigation is not for me.

Well, the guys who made Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, I guess, were a team. But on that one road we traveled we are shattered or split. Oh, and of course, I am always grateful for being part of the Ferris Bueller Team and the mighty Win Ben Stein’s Money Team and The Wonder Years Team.

Actually, now that I think of it, my wife and I are a team, too. That’s the best team. She’s my partner, as her Big Daddy grandfather used to say about her back in Idabel. Well, anyway, I miss Yale back in the day. I miss being young and part of a team. I guess I like being on TV the most, though. Enough maundering.

The next morning, I swam again, and then went off to my beloved 12-step meeting. Words cannot convey how much I love that meeting. I love the humility, the sharing, the fellowship, the connection with God, the way we laugh at our own weaknesses. If I could afford to do it, I would stay in 12-step meetings all day until I had to go home and go to sleep.

Then, wandering around a shopping center. Then, wandering around Saks Fifth Avenue, where I bought my wife some of her many Christmas gifts. Then, back to our house to have a late lunch.

We ate at the clubhouse at Morningside, CC, the club where we belong. It is a great place and the cheeseburgers are extraordinary. Truly great. From where we sit, we usually can see golfers coming in from their 18 holes. However, today it’s raining.

Then, home for a nap. I always nap on my back listening to Mozart’s Requiem and a small snippet of the Laudate Dominum and about fifteen minutes of Exultate Jubilate. I fall into such a deep sleep I forget where I am or even who I am.

Then, off to my pitiful computer to work on my new book. It’s a SECRET what it’s about. No, it’s not a secret. It’s about how I would handle various situations. It’s sort of funny and also helpful, I hope.

Then, off to dinner at Pacifica, a great restaurant in Palm Desert. The rain had stopped and we ate outside under heat lamps, looking at the snow peaked mountains lit by the moon.

Page: 1 2  

About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (59) |

Melvin| 1.5.11 @ 7:53AM

If more politicians had to spend the night in a freezing hell-hole across the sea. They wouldn't be so eager to send our young men and women into conflicts with no resolution.
Ahh, Rancho Mirage one of the most beautiful spots in the desert. Couldn't afford to live there, but shopped and visited the place quite often from 29 Palms. There are so many stars that fill the sky, a person could almost reach up and grab a handful.
That was one of the pluses of being a Marine Infantryman in 29 Palms, falling asleep under all those beautiful stars at night being serenaded by the Coyotes.

Melvin| 1.5.11 @ 7:55AM

I almost forgot to pay my homage to Ben. "Ben you and the missus have a Happy New Year, and take good care of yourself."

Timothy Tuppence| 1.5.11 @ 8:40AM

While reading Ben's post, I kept having these involuntary imaginings of me feeding him *feet- first* into a giant sausage grinder and then feeding his effluvia to hogs at a giant Illinois hog farm.

Did "Team Player" trigger any similar imaginings in other readers? I surely would like to know.

Please share.

Molly| 1.5.11 @ 8:46AM

I had to clutch a barf bag while reading.

When I got to the part where he mentioned the delicious cheeseburger, I thought,"I hope that cheeseburger deposits enough plaque on the walls of Ben's arteries to trigger a massive you-know-what!" And I'm a Christian woman!

P.T| 1.5.11 @ 8:51AM

Ben writes "Enough maundering." And then he continues his maundering.

He's on a 12-step program to help lose his fat ego, but it's not working.

Melvin| 1.5.11 @ 10:09AM

So much for turning the other cheek huh? "And I'm a Christian woman!" Wishing Ben to have a heart attack, yep that's real Christian it is. But then again many Christians are Christians in name only, and only when it suits them for sake of argument.
Besides who the hell are you to wish someone that ill will?

molly| 1.5.11 @ 1:22PM

To wish a heart attack on Ben Stein is certainly unChristian, and I repent.

But tell me, please, how can anyone plow through a Ben Stein Diary post without venting their anger at his hubris, his shallowness, his constant bragging about his perceived achievements, his jetting around the country rubbing shoulders with "important people."

The man is an ambitious, mercenery materialist, and he has no depth.

Ron| 1.5.11 @ 3:45PM

Then why in the hell do you take your precious time to read him???????

Bait & Switch| 1.5.11 @ 4:28PM

Ben Stein's TV ads for a scuzzy "free" credit product caught up with him: The New York Times fired Stein as a Sunday business columnist for violating ethics guidelines.

Stein was pilloried online for his endorsement of the bait-and-switch operation, which offers a free credit score but charges an outrageous $30 per month to see the credit report behind the score. As Reuters blogger Felix Salmon pointed out, consumers can get a free online report under federal law.

Tom| 1.5.11 @ 9:31PM

The New York Times has an ethics policy?? What a freaking joke!!! Bill Keller and his leftist cabal of ex-journolists have no earthly concept of ethics, or journalism for that matter. Give me a break!!!

Mac| 1.5.11 @ 6:37PM

Molly... dear Molly.....

If God wants to bless Ben Stein with such wonderful lifestyle that we all are envious, what is it to you. Undoubtedly, Ben does a lot of mitzvahs that are private, between him and God. Maybe God sees him as a mensch, and is very pleased to bless him and his life. I thank God for blessing Ben Stein. It is good for others to "see" God's blessings on someone, it gives us all hope and should cause us to strive to please God.

Ben is blessed, first simply because he is a Jew, one of God's chosen people, His firstborn. We, and that includes you Molly, are only adopted. We are in the family, but you should know your place and not speak so evil about what you don't know about. Read about what happened to Miriam when she spoke against Moses. It's something to think about Molly. Be a little slower to speak and then, maybe you shouldn't speak at all.

beebop| 1.5.11 @ 6:42PM

Seriously? No one is force feeding you. Toddle off.

Mike Bergsma| 1.5.11 @ 7:39PM

I enjoy his little essays as do evidently, many others. If you do not like it, do what I do with writing I don't like; don't read it.

molly| 1.5.11 @ 8:05PM

I forgive you, Ben, and I hope you will forgive me.

And I forgive the readers of AmSpec, and I hope you all will forgive me.

NavyBrat | 1.5.11 @ 10:38AM

Yeah. You're a REAL Christian. Especially when you wish death on people. If you're a Christian, I'm gonna be the next Jewish pope.

You're a cafeteria Christian if ever there was one.

Super Car| 3.2.12 @ 4:22AM

The New York Times has an ethics policy?? What a freaking joke!!! Bill Keller and his leftist cabal of ex-journolists have no earthly concept Super Car
Motor Show

ShortNSweet| 1.5.11 @ 11:16AM

"And I'm a Christian woman!" REALLY?!?!? Then you would be one of those who constantly give us Christians a bad name! May God convict you to the point of repentance and then Bless You!

Bruce Woodside| 1.5.11 @ 3:59PM

Molly,

You are no Christian, shame on you!

Texas Jayde| 1.6.11 @ 2:57PM

yeah. you sound real Christian to me.

Anthony| 1.5.11 @ 10:50AM

Tim, while I do not wish Stein ill, the smaltzy cotton candy world Stein appears to inhabit, and that he enjoys with such banal relish, that he insists on inflicting on us TAS readers, does get a bit sickening.
I think of Stein as the conservative version of Paris Hilton, albeit, a bit less egocentric than that plastic model of nothingness. At least Stein acknowledges that other people inhabit this planet and have done things of greater significance than he.
However, the litney of his most trivial movements, that Stein thinks we actually care about, does give Hilton a run for her money as to who is indeed the most irrevelant person on this planet.
Can't wait Ben to learn how you like your cheeseburgers.

R & R| 1.5.11 @ 12:01PM

Ben, poor thing, is suffering from chronic delusions of grandeur. He's got one of the most inflated egos on this planet.

Sabra| 1.5.11 @ 5:17PM

Wow....maybe I need the viewers here giving me a wake-up call or....I need to defend Mr. Stein after sharpening my sword, my mighty pen!

And I thought he was funny.

Well, I must be shallow as well .... if he is "the conservative version of Paris Hilton"? Ouch!!!

NOBODY is that shallow. Not even Nicole Richie.

Sally| 1.5.11 @ 4:46PM

To reply to your extremely witty and intelligent response to Mr. Steins writing, um...no. Really, is this all you can come up with as "criticism"? It's like the kids who 'comment' on You Tube with endless repetitions of mindless curse words. I like Ben Stein, he is Jewish, I am Christian, I don't care and neither does he. He is rich and I am not, and I don't care about that either

Sabra| 1.5.11 @ 5:07PM

You are one sick sonufab!tch, sir.

Sick, sick, sick, Timothy!

What goes 'round, comes 'round.

Ed White| 1.5.11 @ 1:39PM

Here's the real Ben Stein, folks.

From The Crime and Punishment of Michael Milken by Jesse Kornbluth

"Ben Stein achieved fame in December of 1987, when he published a column in GQ under the pseudonym of "Bert Hacker." The author—who began his piece with the line "I have known Joan Rivers for more than twenty years"—wrote that he'd had dinner with the comedienne ten days before the suicide of her husband, Edgar Rosenberg. Later, he said, he went to her home to sit shiva for Rosenberg.

There were problems with this piece, all of the hallucinatory nature. Stein had never met Joan Rivers, much less been invited to her home to grieve with her. But now it appeared they would meet, in court—Rivers filed a $50 million libel suit against Stein and Condé Nast Publications.

With that, Rivers says, Stein's lawyer contacted her to deliver a threat: If she didn't withdraw the suit, the world would soon know she was a lesbian who gave her husband the pills he used to kill himself."

Here you have a pretty nasty glimpse of the real Ben Stein.

Do a Google search by typing Joan Rivers sues Ben Stein.

Hollywood Hills| 1.5.11 @ 1:45PM

Doesn't surprise me one bit. There are lots of unsavory facts about old Ben that need to brought out in the open.

Ron| 1.5.11 @ 3:47PM

Here is the "Pot calling the kettle black". Nothing unsavory in your past eh?

Sabra| 1.5.11 @ 5:13PM

There are a lot of "unsavory" facts that could be brought out about us all....any one of us, sir.

I love Ben Stein as he has always made me laugh and never at someone else's expense. Joan makes me laugh USUALLY at someone else's expense. Love 'em both but this will certainly be akin to watching a battle between two titans~~ like a cobra & king snake. A python! An anaconda!! A python and an alligator....you get the picture. Sad stuff, indeed.

I wish them both well. Life is too short.

More, More, More| 1.5.11 @ 1:52PM

Here are a few facts about Ben:

In the December 1987 issue of GQ magazine, Stein wrote an article (boldly using the pseudonym Bert Hacker) that claimed that comedian Joan Rivers joked about her husband’s suicide.

He and Rivers eventually settled her $50 million libel suit out of court.

Stein was once detained for bringing a gun into Burbank Airport, though he explained that he was dazed and confused from the Halcion he’d taken the previous night.

On January 11, 2002, Stein was one of four guests beamed in from different locations to CNN’s TalkBack Live. When fellow guest Arianna Huffington said something disparaging about him, Stein gave her the finger and walked off the set.

Gave her the finger! Yes, this is the real Ben Stein, the lovable, huggable mensch Miss Alabama wrote about a few days ago.

Nick| 1.6.11 @ 4:07PM

So what?

Joan Rivers is a vile human being, and was never funny.

Lisa Douglas...er...I mean Arianna is another vile wench, who deserves to be flipped off.

And, who hasn't accidentally brought a gun to the airport? Sam Kinison did.

Career Soldier| 1.5.11 @ 9:06AM

Thanks Ben for your reminiscence. Looking back at the beginging of a new year makes us remember what's important,and set our goals for the next one. Congratulations on your realization that real-people sharing real-life, like your 12-step group, must take priority over all else.

Thank you for all you've done for our military and their families in 2010. Keep up that good work too!

P.S. I like your choice of music. Maybe a "Beb Stein's Music to Nap By" CD?

Stormzeye| 1.5.11 @ 9:55AM

I usually love to read your simple insights Ben. You seem at times to have stumbled onto fame and some degree of fortune through the strength of your charm and child-like lack of guile. This is nice; but having said that, Ben your sly boasts of a life in full with beautiful people in beautiful places while passing from one simple pleasure to another is a bit empty. The gambols of the rich and famous with no insight into any of its meaning is small beer especially for this magazine. You should genuinely thank God, as I'm sure you will, when you cash the check for writing such pap as this piece represents. Written with genuine best wishes for better output in the future and a healthy and happy new year for you and your family.

Howard Klein| 1.5.11 @ 1:04PM

Ben: I've been reading you years and your stuff gets better and better like fine wine. I most appreciate your continuing acknowledgement of our military. I served in the reserves of the 101 st Airborne during peace time in the late fifties and sixties and never flagged in my admiration for those in the division who came before me, among whom were two of my uncles in world war 11. I never lost sight of the fact that it was largely due to their guts that I was able to serve in the peace time military. In yiddish we have an expression, "A be gheziunt", which means be of good health. In a brief private correspondence I'd had over time between me and the great Pulizter Prize winning author Joseph Heller, regarding our military service (he was a bombadier pilot on WW2) I lamented once that I'd only been called up once in an intrenational crisis. And he told me to be proud just for the simple fact of answering the call. The great Mark Helprin's thoughts on the same subject were part of a piece he wrote long
ago about having passed on Vietnam because
it was where his contemporaries had been called
to arms. Yet he did serve gallantly in the Israeli
military, putting himself in harm's way, pursing the same goals--the saving of democracy and freedom from those who seek to destroy it.
Your fervent support of our military, of the best
fundamental goodness of America, your obvioulsy deeply felt patriotism resonates big time with
me. And for all your Malibu, Beverly Hills and
very posh lifestyle I say A be gizhezuit. Enjoy it
mein kind, we're all fleeting shadows.

Byron| 1.5.11 @ 1:06PM

Reading these letters that wish someone an agonizing death is stunningly awful. You have the right to express your opinion but I have the right to be revolted by it. Greed and envy turned the 20th century into an absolute hell for hundreds of millions of souls and showed once again the human predilection for evil and visiting horrors on fellow men. These letters that display the bile of hatred simply because one man has something you don’t are a combination of childish ego, laziness and stupidity. It is not what Ben possesses; it is the utter lack of value you have been able to bring into your own lives that drives this bitter cruelty. Stop dragging the world down and raise yourselves up instead.

mimi| 1.5.11 @ 1:21PM

Wow, why do people indulge their baser instincts and reveal their hatred for fellow men? It's like junior high school jelousy. Ben Stein simply writes of his every day life. He's successful. He should be ashamed of the badges of his success, I guess, according to these haters. He leads a quite simple life, it seems. He probably gives a good chuck of his time and money to charity, which is what successful people who are of good will do. I note he went to Yale, which bespeaks of an intellect that earned him a spot at Yale. He used his intellect and worked hard to achieve. Wow, this class warfare encouraged by our current crop of national leaders really is vile.

RCV| 1.5.11 @ 1:28PM

Ben, thank you once again for a lovely piece of writing. Your joy in living and in the company of your fellow men and women (and dogs!) is a pleasure to behold, and reading your pieces always makes my day. You, sir, are a national treasure!

Willis| 1.5.11 @ 1:43PM

OK, perhaps Mr. Stein does wax schmaltzy from time to time, but then he does his penitence, he shares his bed with an incontinent dog.

Clint| 1.5.11 @ 1:54PM

That's a terrible thing to say about Stein's wife.

Apologize please.

Harry| 1.5.11 @ 4:17PM

Frank Capra directed "It Hapened One Night". You could have looked it up Ben, but then you wouldn't br showing what you think is your charming and disarming human side.

And since you long for the old team days, how does it now feel to leanr what a raging anti-Semite Nixon was?

Wordwaryor| 1.5.11 @ 4:35PM

Ben :
Thanks for your honest blogging about your time at home and about over the holidays. It is great that in America you can truly relax and enjoy the fruit of your labors (before Pelosi, Obama, Reid and a Socialist regime plot to take them away from you). Thanks for your consideration of our soldiers and thier families. They suffer in those far away lands so we can flourish and enjoy our liberties here in America. Theirs is a thankless job, but we should all pause from time to time to thank them, as you did.

Ben, I am quite concerned that We are on the verge of losing America to Socialists and their socialist strategies. These have been operational for quite some time.... undermining our Freedom and our Constitution. Worst of all, they are in charge of "Indoctrinating" our children and Youth, and are doing a bang up job of it.

Ben, please put your mind and wit to the task of how to challenge their false indoctrination.... and how to Stop their ability to do so, and to take away from them their position of power over our children and youth.

This, is ultimately Critical.

Wordwaryor| 1.5.11 @ 4:40PM

Ben :
P.S. ... I visited my daughter and two grand daughters in Long Beach, CA for the Christmas Holiday. WE had great fun watching them open their gifts. We attended Christmas eve mass with them, and enjoyed food. We toured the Queen Mary there in Long Beach. I am not sure how far this was from where you were, but just know that others of lesser means also were able to enjoy the holiday with family far from our home in Tennessee.

Ned| 1.5.11 @ 4:47PM

People who don't like Ben or his subject matter shouldn't waste their time reading his columns. Covetousness will eat you up from inside if you let it.

MC| 1.5.11 @ 6:08PM

Amazing. I guess part of the mixed blessings of the internet includes the vitriol supplied by the brain-dead, or perhaps better heart-dead, such as "Molly" against one of our true national treasures Ben Stein. If you don't like his diary entries, there are billions of other things to read on the internet. Look around, you can find something you can appreciate. Am I saying Mr. Stein is the paragon of paragons? No, and I suspect he'd be the first to point that out. But his diary, at least the bit published in TAS is always refreshing and even inspiring. Above all, amazed by the priveleges he has enjoyed in his life, starting with being born in the US and in the 20th century, he realizes the only attitude that is appropriate (for any of us, really), despite our tendancy to grouse, is gratitude, for our nation, for the contribution of our neighbor, and most of all toward our Creator.

Dan Frano| 1.5.11 @ 9:23PM

Ben,, here is a secret for you. Its not being part of a team that you miss so much although I was part of a close knit fire crew for years.- - - you are missing the same thing that I miss.
-------------- OUR YOUTH ------------------------

Will| 1.5.11 @ 9:57PM

As Ben wrote the following, I suspect he experienced a second dose of humility: " I love the humility, the sharing, the fellowship, the connection with God, the way we laugh at our own weaknesses." Good thing that he didn't, as Garrison Kelllior might put it, come down the chute from God to Palestinian parents.

Richard Ong| 1.6.11 @ 6:11AM

I'm amazed at the ugly comments directed at Ben by some commenters here, almost all of it unrelated to anything he wrote here. Apparently, if anything one writes appears in public it's an occasion for a fearsome, unrestrained examination of every alleged misdeed of the author. If Ben vexes some of you so much, read someone else.

I've always enjoyed his writings. Where he goes and whom he meets is recounted in a pleasant way. It's interesting stuff written by an educated and intelligent man who's walked a different path from me. It's intended to be light. I'm sure he's capable of other kinds of writing.

I'm just stunned by the vitriol. Where has he held himself out as some sanctified being? Heaven forbid he should have made some mistakes.

Jeff| 1.6.11 @ 10:57AM

The mastery of Ben Stein escapes just about all of the "true haters" that rant against him. On one hand he talks about his calm vacation schedule while wishing to relive those times in his past. The part where reading between the lines is required is that most of the earlier days involved him working his ass off. Ben Stein's brain works at a meta-level compared to most of the dumbshit progressives that sneak in here to read him, much like some awkward adolescent who has no business watching hardcore porn on their dad's computer and certainly guessing about what it is they are really seeing.

You are sad, sorry, "haters" who only know how to attack your enemies at a personal level, in many cases not even knowing why. Mainly, you hate them because you or a friend "reddit" online somewhere or saw John Stewart say something.
Get a life, read a book, study history and quit attacking good people. Anyone who would flip off a hypocrite like Arianna is OK in my book with no other credentials.

Harrington| 1.6.11 @ 12:24PM

Where are Margie's comments?

She had two or three comments on this thread yesterday.

RCV| 1.6.11 @ 12:30PM

And when I posted a comment protesting the removal of Margie's original post, they even removed that! Weird selective monitoring policy on TAS.

weddingdresses | 6.27.11 @ 5:07AM

I almost forgot to pay my homage to Ben. "Ben you and the missus have a Happy New Year, and take good care of yourself."

Adidas | 8.11.11 @ 5:59AM

is good

العاب بنات | 4.10.12 @ 12:28PM

I almost forgot to pay my homage to Ben. "Ben you and the missus have a Happy New Year, and take good care of yourself."

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