2010 is finally over and it’s high bloody time.
The second year of the Obama plague began with Obama
signing the healthcare “reform” measure, which Joe Biden pronounced
was a big effing deal. Heaven’s sense of humor was demonstrated by
the visitation on Washington of a second plague, not easily
distinguished from the first. Halyomorpha halys, the brown
stink bug, infested the area in biblical proportions.
The Wikis leaked all over us but President Obama told us
it was rain falling on our heads. Barry says we’re on the right
track in Afghanistan but, as Jimmy McMillen told us, the rent is
too damned high. Hamid Karzai just wants us to pay it in
perpetuity, which appears to be the time in which the Iraqis will
get their act together. Joe Biden had bad news for Karzai, though,
saying we’ll be out of there in 2014 come hell or high water. Which
must be Joe’s long-range forecast for the 2012 election.
The Rump Congress finally went home after slinging its
last insults at our economy and our culture. And according to
Gallup, 13 percent of Americans still think Congress is doing a
very good job. Who are these people? They must be the ones the UN
thought of when it proposed to appoint its first official
ambassador to extraterrestrial beings. (If the House Repubs want to
cut something out of the budget next year, how about starting with
the $6 billion or so we pay the Turtle Bay crime family every
year?)
It’s not just that Barry, Nancy and Harry managed to
stampede more nation-mangling legislation into law. It’s not just
that our national debt is such a large number —
$13,868,461,000,000 — that it defies
imagination and repayment.
It’s the fact that for all the great work of the Tea
Partyers, for all the votes cast and promises made, there’s a
lingering sense of dread.
Barry got shellacked in November, but before the varnish
could dry the Senate RINOs handed Presidude Obama almost everything
he wanted, including a tax deal that had so many liberal toys
attached, you’d need a new car to pull it. One more powerful than
the Chevy Volt, which gets at least 40 miles per billion dollars of
taxpayer-funded subsidies.
The Chinese, helping us draw the economic noose ever more
tightly around our necks, are also trying to stir-fry some of their
neighbors into satellite states. China’s military buildup now
includes plans for an aircraft carrier or two. In that regard they
match the Brits whose long-deck carriers may someday set sail. But
the penurious Brits (rendered so by years of liberal government)
can’t afford to build planes to operate from their carriers. So
they’re thinking about a partnership with the French to take turns
sailing and paying for carrier ops.
The ship will have to be christened HMS Fromage,
and the alternating crews will choose between stilton and
camembert. The Fromage had better have a reinforced bow
because mother earth is cooling so quickly, we appear to be
entering a new Ice Age.
2011 will not only be colder, but darker: the last U.S.
factory making incandescent light bulbs closed in 2010. From now
on, in between the moment you throw the switch and when the
stupid spiral actually emits its dull light take time to thank a
liberal. (When a bulb breaks, call the hazmat squad: the spirals
contain mercury, which is nearly as hazardous to your health as
Obamacare.)
Frozen Britain reported that the first week in December
2010 wasn’t the coldest ever opening week of that month. That
occurred in 1639 when the British East India Company was founding
the city of Madras (thereby establishing a reliable supply of
tasteful plaid shirts) and the birth of Sir Isaac Newton was three
years off. It’s a pity that Sir Isaac isn’t around to dissect
mathematically California’s latest act of economic
suicide.
Economic terminator Schwarzenegger hailed the enactment of
California’s version of the failed European cap-and-trade scam just
in time for Governor Medfly’s re-inauguration next month. Jerry
Brown’s new turn in Sacramento will be historic: he will be the
first governor to oversee the outright bankruptcy of a U.S. state.
A more fitting idea would be for California to join the
economic leper colony called the “euro
zone.”
An unconfirmed report says that the reappearance of the
cartoon character “Speedy Alka-Seltzer” that cheered the television
ads of our youth was conceived in California solely for the relief
of German PM Angela Merkel. Ms. Merkel will man up in 2011 to save
the German economy, which will require busting up the euro zone.
“Deutschmarks uber alles” does have a nice ring to it.
The comparisons between Barry and his international
counterparts have been, well, unfortunate. Russian strongman Vlad
Putin was filmed in an ultimate act of political incorrectness:
shooting whales with a crossbow. Barry was dancing the Indian
version of disco. Vlad was practicing judo throws on big guys.
Barry was dishing with the girls on “The View.” When asked about
antigovernment protesters denied permission to demonstrate, Vlad
said “You will be beaten upside the head with a truncheon.
And that’s it.” Faced with the toughest question the media posed to
him this year, Barry told the Viewettes “I’ve got to admit
that I don’t know who Snooki is.”
If you wonder how the START treaty got to be so bad for us
and so good for Russia, please re-read the preceding paragraph. I’d
suggest that Barry man up, but I’d have equal success aiming that
remark at Barney Frank.
Marines don’t need to be told to man up, because they
perfected the concept in 1775. Two Marine Commandants —
Gen. Jim Conway and his successor Gen. James
Amos — both stood fast against the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t
Tell” law prohibiting homosexuals from serving openly in the
military. But the hyperlibs and RINOs of Congress believed
themselves better judges of the effect of DADT repeal.
The repeal may be a supersecret strategery to help win the
Afghanistan war. Thanks to WikiLeaks, we know the sexual
proclivities of many Pashtun men, who apparently embrace a liberal
interpretation of Islam as well as each other.
Long will historians ponder why — upon
the repeal — the first communication from the Senate Majority
Leader was to a creature of unknown biology known as Lady Gaga. The
only discernible connection is that Army Pfc. Bradley Manning —
accused of passing hundreds of thousands of
classified documents to WikiLeaks — reportedly
copied them onto rewritable Lady Gaga music disks. Manning is
enthusiastically gay, but we will refrain from speculation of any
connection between or among him, Senator Reid and Lady
Gaga.
The Kabuki troupe performing security theater at airports
have yet to stop a would-be terrorist, but they have determined how
Superman’s x-ray vision benefits him when he isn’t out fighting
crime. Some of the TSA goons selected former “Baywatch” babe Donna
D’Errico for personal naked x-ray screening and, according to the
lady in question, she observed them chuckling furtively at what
they saw.
I’m pretty sure that the TSA fondlers will not be able to
touch a woman’s padded bra and tell if it’s padded with cotton or
PETN, the explosive du jour among the bad guys. We have
enough money to put TV’s up in all the Wall Marts to show Big Sis
warning us to say something if we see something, but not enough to
train screeners to do it as the Israelis do. I’ll say something:
stop performing security rituals that don’t make us safer, fire
Janet Incompetano and train profiling screeners to keep the
underwear bombers off my next flight.
Thanks to the greatness of the American people, voiced
through the election by the Tea Party Movement, there is hope. As
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell spoke of his Dem colleagues
at the end of the 111th Congress, “If they think it’s bad now, wait
till next year.”
Now that’s a promise that must be kept. Happy New
Year.
