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Sunday Opinion, By Thomas L. Friedman

By on 12.20.10 @ 6:08AM

 A special to The American Spectator.

As I was saying, the thing I love about myself is writing a column in which I am able to assume that you, dear reader, are hanging on my every word. What other columnist, on what other paper, would start a column saying, “As I was saying”? No one, that’s who.

Where was I? Oh, yes, I was talking about me and my column in the New York Times. I like to write in this breezy, sloppy sort of way and I like to throw out a lot of big names, along with some big ideas that don’t have to make a whole lot of sense.

Did you read the one I wrote this weekend called “The U.S.S. Prius”? Well, that’s what I’m talking about. The big idea in this column is that green is good. It’s good for everyone, including our warfighters. In this column I talk about how the Navy and Marines are building a strategy for “out-greening” Al Qaeda, “out-greening” the Taliban and “out-greening” the world’s petro-dictators.

I got the idea for the “The U.S.S. Prius” column during a friendly game of basketball with Barack Obama. The president was telling me that half of the reason he decided to go in and save General Motors from bankruptcy was to save the U.S. competitor to the Prius (the Volt), which would save the planet. Right then I had this inspiration. “Don’t call it the Prius, Mr. President,” I said. “Call it the U.S.S. Prius” — as if a follow-on to this Japanese-made vehicle were as big and important to the nation’s future as the U.S.S. George Washington, the giant aircraft carrier which is now on patrol in the Yellow Sea off North Korea. The president was so stunned by my suggestion that he missed an easy layup.

Years ago, my wife reacted pretty much the same way when I came home from a trip to Outer Mongolia and said to her, “Honey, I think the world is flat.” Her jaw dropped and that caused her to smear lipstick on her upper lip. This happened just as we were getting ready to go to a reception at the White House for Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh and a dozen of the most brilliant scientists from the subcontinent, all of whom are quoted in my new book, “More about Me and Other Very Important People.” The only reason I was invited to the reception is that my wife is the vice-chair of the U.S./India Council. Of course, it may have helped that I am an old friend of the Indian PM.

I spent a whole day with Ray Mabus, President Obama’s secretary of the navy and the former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia. He suspended all other engagements for the day to give me his complete attention. I came away highly impressed with everything the navy and marines are doing to out-green the Jolly Green Giant.

On April 22, Earth Day, a Navy pilot, dressed in a green jumpsuit, was able to bore a hole in the sky by flying an F/A-18 Super Hornet fighter jet powered by a 50-50 blend of mustard seed oil and dynamite straight up at supersonic velocity. The pilot has never been seen again after disappearing into the stratosphere.

If we can fly jet fighters with mustard seed oil and power our armored personal carriers with rear-mounted windmills, we will win the one battle that counts the most in protracted engagements in remote war zones: the battle to see who does the most to reduce their carbon foot print. We cannot allow the mad mullahs to win this battle by dent of riding about on environmentally friendly donkeys. We must harness the world’s best technology to beat them. And that is what our navy and marines are doing right now.

God bless them: “The Few. The Proud. The Green. Semper Fi.

About the Author

Andrew B. Wilson, a frequent contributor to The American Spectator, writes from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (46) |

mames| 12.20.10 @ 6:24AM

This faux intellectual gets enough print elsewhere. Drop him.

Kitty| 12.20.10 @ 7:03AM

First I read "Of Me I Sing," then this. Must be 'gaseous egos' is the theme du jour.

Zuaagd | 12.20.10 @ 8:03AM

Thank you for another essential article. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such a complete way of writing? I have a presentation incoming week, and I am on the lookout for such information.

MikeD| 12.20.10 @ 8:20AM

It took at least five paragraphs for Mr. Wilson to reveal what he was trying to say. As a struggling writer, I try to remember the 5 "Ws"* and make my points clearly and succinctly. Mr. Wilson seems to be having a grand old time trying to keep us in suspense about exactly what he is trying to say. Apparently it was nothing. I expect so much more when I read TAS. What's worse than a writer in search of a topic is a writer in search of humor. He failed to find anything remotely funny.

*Who, What, Why, When, Where, and the 'non-W How.

jonc| 12.20.10 @ 2:22PM

I understood what he was trying to say before I had finished the first sentence. Maybe you just didn't get the joke?

I thought it was funny -- thanks Wilson.

beebop| 12.20.10 @ 6:17PM

I personally would love to see the same sort of take on Krugman ... who has become scary weird and needs to have a high colonic for his intellect imho ....

Occam's Tool| 12.20.10 @ 6:40PM

Mike,

he was parodying Thomas Freidman. The inability to be succinct was part of the joke. The fact that he was talking about nothing is also part of the joke, as Thomas is aqblithering nincompoop.

The fact that you thought he was just serious and stupid means he hit the bullseye.

Occam's Tool| 12.20.10 @ 6:42PM

"a blithering", sorry, Mike.

By the way, the fact that you had an instinctive revulsion to the writing means your taste is good. It was meant to show up the idiotic style.

Fred Beloit| 12.20.10 @ 8:21AM

Good job, Andrew. The pomposity of the NYT editorialistos [read propagandists], such as the one in question and wind-bag Krugman, need to be needled once in a while or they will explode.

Mattled| 12.20.10 @ 8:26AM

Ah, the NYT. In a city of 12 million (not counting the illegals I suppose) they have a circulation of 800k.
The WSJ? Over 2 million.
Enough said.

Seek| 12.20.10 @ 10:49AM

Fact check:

1) New York City has 8 milion people, not 12 million.
2) The Wall Street Journal has a nationwide distribution (and news focus) that the New York Times, by its very nature as a local paper, can't match.
3) 800,000 circulation for the New York Times is still quite a bit more than The American Spectator -- at least the last time I checked.

Jeremiah| 12.20.10 @ 11:13AM

Fact Checker's Fact Check

1) A few years back the NYT did have pretensions of competing with the WSJ as the national paper of record. Among the many things that derailed this plan was that not many people wanted to read the crap they serve.
2) The 800,000 that read the NYT is, indeed, more than the readership of The American Spectator. The Spectator, though, is not designed to be a general-interest publication. It is more like the U.S. Marines - for the few, the proud. (I'm thinking of calling it the U.S.S. American Spectator).

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 11:53AM

The NY Times, a local paper?

Have you ever read it?

It was never exclusively a local paper, from the time Alfred Ochs bought it in 1896; back when NYC was the heart and soul of American manufacturing and commerce, it was the de facto national newspaper.

Hence the moniker "the paper of record," and the tag line, "all the news that's fit to print."

Hellloooo, why do you think the NATIONAL evening network newscasts have historically prioritized their stories according to what the Times deemed "news"? At one time or another, CBS, NBC and ABC as much as admitted that the NY Times set the table for whatever news was served up that day.

For years, if it was on the front page of the Times, it was on the evening newscasts. And if it wasn't, it wasn't.

And do you think it became "The Grey Lady" because all of those stories are local? Hell, even before network news, back in the 1930s, Walter Duranty (Moscow Bureau Chief for none other than the NY Times) - hoodwinked credulous fools from sea to shining see that Stalin was really a swell guy (famine? What famine?) - it wasn't just Noo Yakuhs who bought into a benevolent "Uncle Joe."

You don't win over 100 Pulitzers (many of which were spurious, like Duranty's) by being a local paper.

And when it comes to population and "reach," any city's newspaper targets its suburbs as well as the city itself (i.e., those who live in the suburbs of Chicago still read Chicago Tribune) - NY's population is over 19 million.

I see that you are sympatico with the NY Times: what IS true with what you think OUGHT to be true.

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 12:02PM

Besides, elitism knows no geography. Hence you get elitists like Jimmy Carter, from Georgia, Al Gore, from Tennessee, Harry Reid, from Nevada, Nancy Pelosi, from California, Dick Durbin, from Illiniois, the Kennedys, from Massachusetts, Charlie Christ, from Florida.

We know the first paper Pols read - regardless of where their constituency resides - is the Washington Post. But I'm willing to bet they all have current subscriptions to the New York Times, and they read that as religiously as they watch Jon Stewart or log onto the Huffington Post.

The first rule of joining the elitism club is to forswear any geographic loyalty; that's the only way you vainglorious fops can get your membership cards as "citizens of the world."

Hardy har har.

Nit Pickin| 12.20.10 @ 12:09PM

NYC proper is 8 million but the metro area that the NYT's delivers in is just over 12 million so you both are correct. However, if you back out the institutional and group promotional bulk drops the NYT circulation sits in the low 700k range and dropping fast so it's worse then either of you stated. And you can subscribe in may other regions of the country like Miami (where you can't shop at those Manhattan advertisers - lucky them) and they count those number too, but it doesn't matter what the circulation eventually drops to, it's written for the 200 or so producers at ABC, CNN, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, PBS, NPR -

Sid Vicious| 12.20.10 @ 4:22PM

1) City population: 8 million.
Metro area: 22 million.
Source: US Census Bureau.
Making a goat out of a regressive: Priceless.

2) If The NYT is "by its nature a local paper," then would you please explain why it sends my wife and I subscription solicitations several times a year... in Denver (the one in Colorado, not the Catskills)?

3) Just one problem with this "comparison:" It's apples and oranges. The following is not: NYT's circulation was 2 million a generation ago.

Sixty-percent circulation shrink is what happens when you convert a liberal newspaper of record into a propaganda rag.

Bob K.| 12.20.10 @ 9:22PM

But if there are 8 million readers in the naked city then how come only 10% of them-------------?
Oh, never mind!

Bob Miller| 12.20.10 @ 8:29AM

The original (the self-parody) is more than entertaining already.

tina b| 12.20.10 @ 8:32AM

Wow, great job Wilson. You totally snookered me. I went in all bright eyed and bushytailed wondering what Freidman was going to blow on about, didn't catch the byline right away, and then began laughing. You capsulized everything that makes me stop reading him mid-article. I've often wondered what his gargantuan ego was all about as I watched him in interviews, but never put my finger on it. He likes to emit an essence of humility in how he speaks, but what he says is just flavored air. Great job.

beebop| 12.20.10 @ 6:21PM

But he looks SWELL in a black turtle neck sweater!

SonOfSam| 12.20.10 @ 9:08AM

Seriously, why does anyone give a damn anymore what the New York Times says about anything? The days of "All the News That's Fit to Print" are OVER; these fools don't even try to camouflage the mindless crap they serve up as anything other than self-serving, Obama-worshipping propaganda. Then they wonder why they're losing readership & subscriptions, and why their ad revenues have plummeted. Then they brilliantly conclude that the American people "must be stupid".

Mark my words, their next step will be to conclude that we the people must be forced to help them financially, for OUR own good. They'll be in Congress soon, hat in hand, along with Governor Moonbeam, hoping for a bailout. Here's to hoping that Boehner will dry his eyes, then tell them to kiss his ass.

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 10:02AM

Friedman is perhaps the most odious self-promoter on staff at the NY Times - a very difficult position to achieve, since they're all pretty equally odious, and pretty equally self-promoting (see Dowd, Maureen, Rich, Frank, Krugman, Paul, et al).

But Friedman's strategy is jaw-droppingly obvious (not to mention relentless) to anyone who knows a whit about marketing: invent a catch phrase that captures the imagination, often by juxtaposing two counter-intuitive concepts (USS Prius, The World if Flat, Tooth fairy politics, root canal politics, high IQ risk takers, etc. ad nauseum), repeat it a million times, and build yourself a brand ( as in, "McDonald's: You Deserve a Break Today," "Built Ford Tough," "Panasonic: Just Slightly Ahead of Our Time, etc.")

While those advertising-related catch phrases bespeak an earlier, simpler time, the point is they became ingrained - insidiously so - in the consumer mentality such that their implied assertions influenced consumer purchase decisions; intellectually, we may have dismissed this crass practice for the propaganda it was, but the truth is, it worked - and it still does.

Friedman is doing the same thing, trying to influence ideological "purchase" decisions. And he is going after the exact same sweet spot demographic of "cool" that Apple captures with its products - affluent, nominally educated, status-conscious, disposable income-equipped policy consumers who make decisions based in no small part on vanity.

Friedman's never-ending supply of supposedly hip, in-the-now turns of phrase is designed to create an idiom over which he has ultimate dominion; he who sets the ground rules tends to win the game, and in this case, winning means that Friedman can be the go-to-guru for those who breathlessly await someone to define the unknown for them.

How many denizens of the cocktail party circuit in Palo Alto have regurgitated his "now the world is FLAT!" pabulum - as if the reductive crystalization of complex issues is self-legitimizing - in order to bask in the neo-globalist, black-turtlenecked glow of Friedman's inscouciant - and totally counterfeit - grasp of How We Get From Here to There?

The only trouble is that these phrases aren't gold nuggets shimmering in the stream of current events; they are utterly jejune kernels of popcorn that have no nutritive value whatsoever.

I started reading The World is Flat several years ago and couldn't get more than three pages in - the self regard, the name dropping, the presumptuousness, the cloying desire to be definitively relevant, were all on full display in the first few paragraphs.

But what made me want to throw the book across the room was his self-invented, precious nomenclature. I'm surprised he doesn't copyright each little phrase, since their invention obviously requires a great deal of effort in brainstorming and focus grouping.

The fact that so many trendy folks blindly put his phrases into the currency of our language is a travesty, and a warping of reality.

Occam's Tool| 12.20.10 @ 6:47PM

Hey, everybody, if you want to get really depressed, get "The New York Times Complete Civil War Coverage 1861-1865." They used to have reporters and columnists.

Todd S| 12.20.10 @ 11:20PM

You summed up Thomas Friedman as well as is humanly possible. He would make an excellent villain in an Ayn Rand novel (though you can say that about every NYT columnist), one of those pretentious blowhards that grabs on the coattails of others who have actually achieved and acts like he is their intellectual equal or superior without having produced one damn thing worth a crap. In a word, he is a tool.

I could not agree more of your assessment of The World Is Flat though sad to say I read halfway through it before realizing it was pretentious nonsense beating the same not very profound point over and over. Yet this is the book that was forced down the throats of business college students as being a "must read" for the 21st century. The only book I have ever purchased that I have thrown in the trash before completing it.

Petronius| 12.20.10 @ 10:10AM

Cue Kermit the Frog

bobmontgomery| 12.20.10 @ 10:25AM

Friedman's credentials to opine on global warming? RFK, Jr.s on such things? Bob Woodward , invetigative reporter - what made him the go to guy on all things policy? Why did Meet the Press become literally 'Meet THE PRESS'. Once it was the medium is the message. Now it is the mediaites are the message.

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 11:16AM

Excellent point, Bob.

TalentOnLoan| 12.20.10 @ 12:17PM

I believe it's "Meet the DEpressed".

Laugh Atem| 12.20.10 @ 11:39AM

Next from the NYT (always lookin' out for the troops) on how to "Out Green" the enemy: Trans-gender, Chia-pet, Water-N-Wait, Camo Uniforms for our service people.

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 12:24PM

Don't forget, from the fashion section, the inevitable upcoming articles about our "new and improved" armed forces:

"Making Over Our Military:
Military Fashion Police To Enforce Move From Olive Drab uniforms to Fabulous Fuchsia Frocks Using All-natural Fabrics!"

"Scads of Sexy Soldiers Surrender to Spring Colors!"

"Black is the New Camouflage: Ugly Patterns From Last Year's Army Yield to Muted Solids and Clean Lines from Names like Ford and Dior. "
(Sub headline)
Waterboarding is a crime, but an ensemble that makes a hunky soldier's butt look big is an absolute atrocity.

Or "Soldiers Sprucing Up Barracks with Chintz!"

Or, from the front page, "Joint Chiefs Mandate All Future Rear-guard Actions to be Confined to Fire Island."

"Judy Garland Declared Honorary General"

"Arlington National Cemetery to Unveil "Tomb of the Unknown Diva."

Yeah, I know - it's too easy.

Purple Lips| 12.20.10 @ 1:59PM

Some 25 years ago the late Joe Sobran and William F Buckley were talking about AIDS. Buckely quipped that all gay men should have thier buttocks tatooed. Sobran went farther and said the tatoo which read: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here".

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 2:30PM

Now the tattoo reads, "Soldiers! Come one, come all! Open 24 hours!"

John DuBose| 12.20.10 @ 12:34PM

I would like to put in a serious word about greening the military. While there are likely ways that the armed services could save a little energy, that is NOT their mission. They are supposed to take out the badest of the bad. Sending up a jet fighter takes a lot of highly refined and somewhat expensive fuel. If green goo fuel can beat the crude based stuff.. Fine. But the military should use what it needs to do its job.

Grzmlyk| 12.20.10 @ 1:37PM

Boy, have YOU just revealed youself as a Neanderthal.

No, as long as Democrats are in charge, the military has two functions: the first is to act as a highly-visible laboratory for social engineering tinkerers and a lightning rod for pet issues with respect to liberals' favored victim groups;" the second is as an ad hoc "beard" for liberals who want to temporarily fake their bona fides with respect to patriotism, strength, national unity.

When Republicans are in charge, the military is an evil, wasteful, homicidal institution, a mere repository for throwback nationalists, sadists, stupid hicks, power-hungry, testosterone-intoxicated miscreants, neocons, bigots, murderers, rapists, evil Christians and future GOP candidates.

Get it straight (so to speak), will ya?

beebop| 12.20.10 @ 6:24PM

At least they aren't NASA ....

Perusha| 12.20.10 @ 1:10PM

Who is Thomas Friedman?

Occam's Tool| 12.20.10 @ 6:53PM

Dear Perusha,

Thomas Friedman is a New York Times columnist whose pomposity is matched only by his verbosity; whose idiocy is matched only by his love of tyranny; whose style has no wile or guile. He's the Sultan of Sonorousness, the Master of Fake Plaster, the Grand Poobah of Effluvia.

I hope this attempt to explain will save you the pain of reading this poetaster, thus avoiding a disaster.

(Thank you, I'm here all week, tip your waitress.)

Bea Reverty| 12.21.10 @ 11:16AM

I think Perusha was taking a poke at those from the old media that have overly grandiose notions of the of themselves. Or, maybe not. Either way the comment proves the point succinctly.

Joseph Harriss| 12.20.10 @ 1:40PM

Friedman can be a pretty good reporter at times, but it's easier to count the number of his columns that don't begin with the first personal singular than those that do. It's about time someone nailed him for his egocentric writing. Thank you, Mr. Wilson!

Purple Lips| 12.20.10 @ 1:56PM

Friedman may not be much of a reporter. But who've gotta love his crib. Nice and Eco Friendly:

http://cryptome.org/eyeball/friedman/friedman-mansion.htm

DANSHANTEAL| 12.20.10 @ 6:11PM

RIDICULE IS THE BEST ANTIDOTE FOR POMPUS BUTTS.

PCP Smoker| 12.20.10 @ 8:49PM

Very good column. You failed to mention Friedman's idea of generating energy by mutually masturbating with Barack Obama and Harry Reid. Call it "sticky energy".

Richard Baker| 12.21.10 @ 10:20AM

The picture of Friedman accompanying this article makes him look SO serious and important. Just ask him.

Franco| 12.21.10 @ 12:57PM

I've alwasy liked the idea of the coin-operated rifle. Make the Pentagon pay for itself, I say!

anon Ymus| 1.11.11 @ 6:29AM

STILL hoping TF manages to pull himself off the
'charitable foundation grant' agenda carousel
long enough to get a good, long deep load of
the REALITY of globalism's VAST eugenocidal
and dictatorial aims.

RED China has been set-up. FACT

RED China IS genocide. FACT

RED China is NOT China. SPIRITUAL,HISTORICAL, ultimately
POLITICAL TRUTH

--and fiat currency, fractional reserve, globalist
banking borgs ARE destroying us all the way
to NAU franchise slum cultural obliteration
and union---

weddingdress | 7.1.11 @ 1:05AM

I've alwasy liked the idea of the coin-operated rifle. Make the Pentagon pay for itself, I say!

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