The American Spectator : Flat Out Wrong

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Flat Out Wrong

By Jay D. Homnick on 12.10.10 @ 6:07AM

The stench of a daytime cultural cesspool.

It all started innocently enough, my epiphany did, when my tire went flat on a Sunday. Occupied with items of B importance, I deferred to triple-A. Change came and cost me nothing, like an Obama promise. The replacement tire was one of those ersatz wheelie things slangily dubbed a donut, so I got the obligatory spiel how it was only good for 2 miles and 5 minutes or thereabouts. My busy life being what it is, I made it to the shop the following Wednesday, 300 miles of gadding about later.

Waiting for some tires can be tiresome. Usually I bring a notebook to such automotive anteroom afternoons, and dash off reams of the wit for which they pay me the small bucks. This time I had a crossword puzzle, entertainment for only one eye. The other found itself glued to the television which weirdly could pick up but one station. Ah, Jerry Springer was on, a former Cincinnatian like myself, one who had served as Mayor of that burg. A man of savoir-faire, I thought, as I sought to savor the fare.

Some of you may have waded through this cultural cesspool before and can dispense with my services as tour guide. For the rest - who have jobs -- I shall describe the indescribable.

TODAY"S THEME WAS LOVE TRIANGLES, but these corners were so sharp as to defy even the Pythagorean theorem. First we are introduced to a pretty and articulate black woman, whose initial gestalt bespeaks gainful employment and self-respect. Then she begins to explain her objection to her cousin's live-in girlfriend. She is white, you see; in fact, at a recent family reunion she was the only white among two hundred relatives.

But that is not the problem, of course, because there is nothing wrong with being white. Except you have to admit that white people and black people are just different. They eat different foods and enjoy different activities -- why, they even clean house differently! (If anyone knows what this means, please drop me a line; I'm dying of curiosity. Do they have Mister T instead of Mister Cleen?)

You really need to stay with your own kind, this genius continues to opine. Jerry does not challenge any of this wisdom before it is time to bring out the offending pale paramour. The girl comes out and seems fairly together, although a clear notch below the other. She is more likely to be behind the counter at Walgreen's than behind the reception desk at the doctor's office. Still a nice and decent person, no criminal or druggie vibe.

No discussion ensues. Not even an attempt at one. The black girl immediately calls her a bitch and yells at her to leave the cousin alone. Then she starts swinging and a fistfight follows, punctuated by periodic halfhearted attempts by burly Security staff to step between them. The language escalates to the point where the bleeping begins and clothing gets torn enough that the screen must be blurred in spots to hide sensitive body parts.

"You want to be black?" the enraged cousin shouts, fists flailing. "You want to be black? I will make you black… and blue!"

Most obscene of all is the fact that as the fracas escalates the studio audience begins chanting, "Jerry! Jerry!" Somehow the host has excelled by facilitating this degree of hostility. To top it off, the producers of the show add a musical background: the tinkling bell which conveys the opening of a round in boxing. After a while, the boy is brought in to utter some platitudes, which set the girls off clawing again.

The Maury Povich Show followed with more of the same. How could this be happening? Here we were getting racism, human sexuality, desperation, pornography, violence and a complete breakdown of everything which builds a society. No effort was being made to mediate, to ameliorate, to edify, only to witness man at his crudest, negotiating between appetites and impulses without the benefit of any elevating overview.

Instead of throwing gladiators to be consumed by lions, we are throwing starving people into an arena to squabble over the little bit of nourishment they can find. People like me live and die by the First Amendment, so I am not arguing for government censorship. But for networks, the same ones who are fond of touting their broadminded liberalism, to sell tickets to witness human squalor - that is something we may fairly despise.

My rubber back on the road, I left the grime of the garage behind. Yet I feared that I had seen our culture punctured and losing air rapidly. Our public spectacles should bring light into our lives, or at least healthy amusement. There is no joy wallowing in Mudville.

About the Author

Jay D. Homnick, commentator and humorist, is a frequent contributor to The American Spectator. He also writes for Human Events. Here he performs his original composition, "Buy You (Bayou) a Drink".

Letter to the Editor View all comments (81) | Leave a comment

Ret. Marine| 12.10.10 @ 6:59AM

You mean to tell me "jerry" is still on the boob tube? He has been and was always a modern day version of- this is your mind on drugs. Wallowing in mudville indeed.

W| 12.10.10 @ 7:12AM

Jerry was the DEMOCRAT mayor of Cincinati, and was to run as DEMOCRAT senator in Ohio. Perfect fit. We could not add a better comment other that to state the facts.

Seek| 12.10.10 @ 12:46PM

I thought that the late Cincinnati-area Congressman Buzz Lukens, a Republican, was arrested back in the day for having sex with a minor. Or does that not fit your narrative?

Nate| 12.10.10 @ 1:36PM

I think W's REAL point was that he was from Ohio...

W| 12.10.10 @ 3:39PM

Well, Seek, the narrative is how Jerry fits in with the Democrat culture, like Rep. Gerry Studds, of your favorite state Mass., home of Ted Kennedy(remember him and the bridge?) had sex with a minor page, and was give a round of applause by the Dem Congress. I s that clear enough for you and your alter ego Nate?

Seek| 12.10.10 @ 5:43PM

Look, champ, sexual impropriety is a game people in both parties can play -- and often do. We can go all night trading anecdotes, but I think my point is well-taken enough.

W| 12.10.10 @ 8:08PM

Ok, ace, we can trade anecdotes, can you top Ted Kennedy killing a woman and getting away with it?

Alan Brooks| 12.10.10 @ 11:57PM

No, but Laura Bush killed her boyfriend in 1963, also in a car.

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 10:17AM

Did she flee the scene?

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 10:17AM

Did she flee the scene?

W| 12.11.10 @ 12:08PM

Was she drunk,flee the scene, and wait 7 hours to report it?

M| 12.13.10 @ 3:58PM

Yes she did but she didn't try to cover it up nor did she get a pass.

Le Cracquere| 12.11.10 @ 1:43PM

Not particularly. Haven't seen "The Buzz Lukens Show" on daytime. Haven't seen Republicans winking at or minimizing Lukens's brand of misbehavior. Haven't seen many Republican Lukens fans, period. Your move.

The Bishop| 12.10.10 @ 7:16AM

Yes, the same Jerry who, as a public servant, paid for the services of a prostitute with a personal check. So opaque as to be morally vacant. What would one expect of the former Hizzoner?

Appleby| 12.10.10 @ 7:24AM

You have obviously not lived in a small Southern town. You really do not need teevee to see this kind of thing.

In fact, a friend of mine who lives in New Zealand has a British lady friend who stages this kind of fracas in the grocery store, among other things.

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:16PM

As a former Permanent Resident of New Zealand, I can tell you that nothing Kiwi women do surprises me.

Nelson H.| 12.11.10 @ 6:49PM

As an American who has spent a total of three weeks in New Zealand, I must confess an unabashed admiration of Kiwi women, whatever they may allegedly do.

Occam's Tool| 12.11.10 @ 11:46PM

14 months. Permanent Resident. Being scouted as a possible MP.

Nelson, a vacation is not the same thing as living there. The women in Los Angeles are the most beautiful in the world. They are also poisoned fruit. I trained in Los Angeles for 5 years.

In short, you have no clue. Shut up.

Occam's Tool| 12.11.10 @ 11:53PM

Also, Nelson, you have no idea as to what truly beautiful women actually look like. The answer: Texas and Alabama women. Go live there for a while and THEN visit New Zealand. I'm sorry, dear boy, but a three week vacation in Queensland means nothing. Most of the women there aren't Kiwis. It's a vacationland.

WAKE UP| 12.12.10 @ 2:20AM

NELSON, LISSEN UP:

RULE ONE:

NEVER judge anything while on holiday.

Christopher Holland| 12.12.10 @ 10:10PM

The kiwis have a very good football team, the Allblacks and aggressive play is in their genes. Their grandfathers bayonetted Turks at Gallipolli. Compared to that a fracas in a grocery scarcely moves the dial.

Occam's Tool| 12.12.10 @ 10:14PM

The Kiwis also have a very high rate of child abuse. The granddads who fought so bravely mostly died without offspring. The modern NZ armed forces are 12,000 strong---air force, army, navy. The All Blacks were beaten by the French inthe last World Cup. (Hee, hee.)

WilliamInWien| 12.10.10 @ 7:31AM

Was it not H. L. Mencken who quipped that "no one ever lost any money underestimating the taste of the American people." Besides, some would opine that we have advanced since "the Gong Show" and "Bowling For Dollars". I thought Springer took at least 30 seconds at the end of the show for a lesson in morality/honesty/understanding that the viewers should have learned from what was presented? The 30 second "sermon" justifies the "content" of the show, community standards and worth while content.

Mark R| 12.10.10 @ 12:42PM

At least Bowling for Dollars had a real premise to it--make two strikes and win real money. Gong Show was a parody and promoted as such, though one could win real money by being the best of the worst.

Le Cracquere| 12.10.10 @ 4:06PM

YOU TAKE THAT BACK ABOUT THE GONG SHOW! Do you live under the threat of laser-guided death from an archvillain's orbiting space lair? No? Chuck Barris's ghost says, "you're welcome."

[Cue Jee-Jee the Dancing Machine...]

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:22PM

Did Chuck recently die? He was alive as of this year...

Alan G| 12.10.10 @ 10:11PM

Barris is still alive according Wikipedia. The man is a trip.

Pelligrino| 12.10.10 @ 7:36AM

Real people don't watch televsion.

Why would you?

I turn these waiting room TVs volume down or completely off. Usually no one notices or acts too bothered.

Isn't a sign of the End Times (yes, loosely used here) the fact that we have 145 (I have no idea how many now truly available with just simple cable) and 3 or 4 others would simultaneously be broadcasting a ersatz Jerry Springer show? 4 o 5 still doing something like Days of Our Lives? (And I am sure there is much worse garbage simultaneously.)

How these stay on the air in a free market is beyond me. One, there is no quality. Two, competition.

Yes, I know that Am. Spec. is part of the media, both print and modern web. And media people tend to defend media stuff -- in all it forms.

But TV, movies, DVDs, music videos, et al are -- in yes MOST forms -- indefensible.

Back in the (long-ago! so it seems) mid 1990's I worked briefly at a very successful Midwestern college. Although there were many interesting folk and truly friendly colleagues, the most intriguing person I met there was a women's volleyball coach. She was a 30-something Renaissiance Woman. There was nothing she could not do. Basic auto repair, arts & crafts, two musical instruments, a broad understanding of US and world history, and a walking encyclopedia of all aspects of her sport. (She made far more money selling her artwork than she did coaching.)

I was impressed. VERY impressed. No conversation with her was dull. She was well aware of all major local, national, and world events, current and recent past.

Her demeanor was impressive, too. She seemed never in a hurry. Always had time or made time for anyone.

Her secret was what intrigued me. I really wanted to know. Why was she so refreshingly different. Easy secret: Her upbringing. No TV. And this she continued into her adult life.

Think about it: The hours you spent watching Disney, Andy Giffith, Gomer Pyle, Green Acres, Happy Days, I Luv Lucy, TV movies you shouldn't be watching, all the endless parade of Christmas season STUFF, sports wall-to-wall (16-18 hours viewed just during the wekend), and now something called Fox News that is really just 3 hours nightly of 80% opinions (stated over and over and over and over). Fox News is so highly rated? (just being better than the other drivel is not good enough)

No TV meant hours to learn the basics about home repairs, fixing the car, growing the garden, raising animals, baking (I mean REALLY baking), learning music theory, sports (doing them, not watching them), and small-time jobs starting already at age 14.

I learned a life lesson from that volleyball coach.

We need millions more like her. (gazillions more like her)

I suspect we just have only dozens? within these borders.

This is why -- a key component of why -- we've lost.

MoeBlotz| 12.10.10 @ 8:33AM

Ye of little faith,we have not lost as long as we have women and men such as your volleyball coach. You just do not see them as they toil in obscurity and do not seek the limelight.

Ted R.| 12.10.10 @ 8:55AM

Well! We actually have someone on this site who is a True Conservative! Calling for an end to T.V. and for everyone just to unplug their sets...! Now THAT'S putting your money where you mouth is...

On the other hand, I th0ught it was conservatives who were supposed to understand human nature. Can there be any doubt that human beings are - for good, as well as for ill - powerfully drawn to spectacle, especially emotionally charged spectacle - ? Suggesting we all voluntarily dispose of T.V. is pretty much a call for the repeal of human nature. Oh, sure, just as in the case of genuine altruism, a few hardy souls can do it; but to lament that a whole society cannot, is to fail to pay due homage to ordinary human frailties. I thought this was something that conservatives were supposed to understand better than liberals.

What you didn't mention, Pelligrino, was what this lady's poilitics were.

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:28PM

Ted,

if the lady had a "broad understanding of US Politics and History," then she had to be Conservative.

Old Guy| 12.10.10 @ 5:50PM

I sat in a doctor's waiting room the other day and listened to Oprah poll her audience to determine "what is normal." One question was, "How often do you pick your nose?"

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 10:49AM

Excellent comment!!...think aout this. The only thing keeping our economy from completely tanking is the continual purchasing of visual devices. Best Buy, Fry's, etc., would go out of business if it werent for the high demand for flat panel TV's and computer monitors. For many, the priority to own one of these devices, whether they can afford it or not, ranks number one or two.

I'll never forget while visiting a longtime friend, walking through the parket lot of the moderate to low-rent appartment complex noticing how many 40-60 inch large screen TV's occupying the small living areas of these units. Many of these people were obviously willing to shell out $1200 to $2000 dollars on their entertainment medium, not to mention the associated monthly cable bill, entertainment system, and all the extra's.

It's as though our entire economy is dependant on the masses' dependence to be entertained...24/7.

I was an early adopter of HD television. The one I purchased 6 years ago gave up the ghost 4 months ago. I attempted to justify purchasing another one, trying to project if I would miss watching television completely. Four months later, I'm still debating whether to buy another. As the days pass, the choice for me is becoming more obvious.

I simply don't miss television. I have all this extra time available to me now. It's as though I have the secret to life!

Ted Thomas| 12.11.10 @ 5:08PM

Was this "Renaissance Woman" home-schooled? Your description fits all 3 of our daughters, and our son (before he died). Our youngest, for instance, is an artist who, at 18, has had a PT job for 5 years, sells pet portraits and clothing professionally and who can talk for hours about ancient Egyptian history, which she loves. None have much use for TV- we never watched it.

"Bad company corrupts good morals...", doesn't it? So said Saint Paul, one of the towering intellects of the 1st century, and a man studied today by millions the world over. He would not have had much use for most current TV, either.

Nelson H.| 12.11.10 @ 6:56PM

Apart from watching the S.F. Giants win the World Series last month (a once-in-a-lifetime event for sure for a fan since the early 60s), I haven't watched a single minute of television since Obama was elected. I haven't missed anything, have I? Think of all the crap I have neatly avoided. I think of television, turned on, as a drainage pipe depositing a prodigious flow of raw sewage into my living room.

Occam's Tool| 12.12.10 @ 10:15PM

Now you're talking, Nelson! Welcome back! I thought the Kiwis had got you.

Pecos Pete| 12.10.10 @ 8:14AM

Ditto!

Bob Miller| 12.10.10 @ 8:43AM

Switch to the Weather Channel or maybe Fox News, or, better yet, turn the thing off.

David| 12.10.10 @ 9:06AM

Guys,

This show is and is designed for kids in college who don’t have any sense, and like the writer said, had no jobs. We used to watch this in the college lounge, along with wrestling. And just like wrestling it’s a certain sophomoric humor. Don’t take it seriously.

Now if you want real stupid people doing stupid stuff watch the democrats wine about the President, or the republicans. Where was that idiot from Vermont, during the election. He went on CNN and encouraged Republican voters to call there Republican Senators and kill the tax deal. I couldn’t stop laughing at him the entire time.

Chris| 12.10.10 @ 10:27AM

"Mudville", now that's an understatement, but the point is well articulated by the author.

L. Ross| 12.10.10 @ 10:31AM

Jerry Springer is the reason T.V. was invented. I enjoy the show immensely every time I see it. Call me a prole, but that is good T.V.

Nelson H.| 12.11.10 @ 6:58PM

You're not a prole. You're a misanthrope.

Petronius| 12.10.10 @ 10:32AM

The first time I saw Springer was of a dull winter morning when all I wanted was the ten second weather blurb at the station break. What appeared was this flea wit polling the audience on what they thought of his studio guests, 3 adults (?) on stage wearing diapers and baby clothes claiming the right to public approval of their behavior. While most of the public don't dress the part, they do think and act that way. The entitlement mentality we oppose is infantile by default, but it's embodiment is destructive. Jerry's
show is pannae et circusum. The supplicant voters on the federal tits are a plague. I could care less if they wet themselves. But the next Congress better keep their hands away from me and mine. If this country still refuses to grow up, we're finished.

Ned| 12.10.10 @ 10:48AM

If you think about this, even just a little, it's actually quite frightening. There is a huge under-class in this country that is disaffected, unemployed, poorly educated, broodingly unhappy - and largely Democrat, but don't get me started. Since they are 'all of the above', this is what passes for mental stimulation during the day. Every day. All day. How much exposure to this sort of garbage is necessary before it seems 'normal' to physically attack the clerk at Burger King because they got your order wrong?
And isn't that a daily occurance these days...

Pelligrino| 12.10.10 @ 10:55AM

David, I would -- in a heartbeat -- encourage the author of this piece, Jay Homnick, to tackle some TV more substantive than Gerry Springer. He, his genre, and his ilk are easy prey.

However, David, if watching Mr. Springer and Wrestlemania (WWF? I really don't know) during your college days was a good use of your time, well, then you've helped define the problem. Don't worry; you are in good, nay, great company. I interact weekly with undergrads and grads at one of our nation's top universities now. And I am thoroughly unimpressed.

Viewing one episode, two...okay. Maybe. But more?

Didn’t we once have the billboards in America, “The mind is a terrible thing to waste.” How much time, David, do you have to waste? And (see below) is it really your time to waste?

When I see FOX News (others too, I imagine) frequently using Jay Leno clips, David Letterman (wasn't that goon on the tube 25-30 years ago doing that same shtick?) gags, Jimmy Somebody… this further underscores our national abasement. You only have precious seconds between your commercials. Okay, that is how free? TV works. So use broadcast time to project substance. Particularly when under the rubric of "News."
Yes, entertainment has the potential to surely entertain and do a great job of informing, educating, inspiring. We all know this. But we see so little of it. Too infrequent.

Isn't it sad that all readers here know exactly what I mean by I Luv Lucy, Hogan’s Heroes, Cheers, and Happy Days? Wouldn't it be very pleasant to hear someone say, "What? What's that?"

While I am glad you read my post above, Ted R., please read again. I am neither "calling for" nor advocating for what TV should or shouldn’t be, whether “plugged” or not. What I am sharing: By example of a wonderful woman, I point out the life virtues of intelligent choice.

And I am genuinely lamenting the lack (throughout the world I know, not just the USA) of those who have chosen a life like that volleyball coach.

For me: It is just that the most fascinating people I ever encounter usually have this trait in common: They don't spend much time with TV, they don't bother with movies. They are just not interested in entertainment-all-the-time.

They can garden, create, build, fix, WORK, teach, and engage in discourse like you cannot believe.

They've discovered life on a much higher plane.

And they obviously enjoy it.

Who do you want to know more? Someone with whom you can talk the glory days of Monday Night Football, talk endless episodes of Seinfeld, all the albums the Beatles ever produced, all Star Wars movies, or Star Trek...or someone who engages in the classic books, visits the great museums, creates their own art (making a living from it) knows science, writes his own music, can create masterpieces in the kitchen and -- amazingly – doesn’t fidget throughout your conversations, trying to give you the brush off because something is peeping on the Ipod, Iphone, or IWhatever? or the next email has arrived on the flatscreen.

Do you and your media-loving friends ever make eye contact when you converse? Or do you even talk?
There is a life well led, a life well lived. It can be attained. But it requires real choices.

I am all for the freedoms that allow you, your neighbor, and me to define that life as we see best, Ted R. and David. (Are you with me, Ted? There it is in black & white.)

Yes, for the most part, you define it; you choose it.

But I am never going to excuse garbage or those who engage in it. And the garbage out there impacts all aspects of our daily lives.

I will extol someone who has used his or her God given life (this is not really your life or my life to live – I do firmly believe this) in ways that the rest of us couch potatoes cannot conceive.

I stand by my original statement: Those who ignore TV (VHS, DVD, Netflix movies, endless IPod downloads, etc.) tend to be incredibly dynamic, truly exceptional people. I'll tend toward him or her for my kid's teacher, my kid's coach. I’d be delighted if that’s my neighbor.

And I'll sure enjoy those vibrant conversations.

Ted R.| 12.10.10 @ 11:30AM

Well, I appreciate your high standards for substantial human-to-human interaction. On the point of art, though, I think you're rather mistaken, to disregard the edifying effects of our great film narratives. But would civilization be enriched the more, for every marginal hour we spent reading or in informed discussion, instead of watching T.V. Very probably - but let's not forget, either, the dimishing returns aspect of this. Television is an essential part of what ties us together into a national, even global civilization. It informs as well as entertains. It has exposed illiberal societies to transforming Western ideals. Television, truly, is essential to what we are today. Unless you really want to go back to the 19th century, it is indispensable for our lives. And I think it's rather idealistic (not - heh - to say 'elitist') to think that we can realistically take the good without the bad when comes to T.V.

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:35PM

I'm not sure I would dismiss all film---there are great versions of Shakespeare's plays on film, "Casablanca" and "The Maltese Falcon" are imperishable.

But, as a general rule, I only watch TV to go to sleep, and two programs: The Red Green Show and Mystery Science Theatre 3000. Serves the purpose of a nightcap. And the underlying message of both shows is NOT Liberal. (Read Michael J Nelson's Deathrat (he was the headwriter of MST3K) to relish the most delicious skewering of Garrison Keillor EVER. Nelson is a friend of the magnificent James Lileks, a Conservative humorist on a par with PJ O'Rourke.)

What a lovely thread tonight!

Pete| 12.10.10 @ 11:00AM

A Springer show with all of the races flipped would have turned out a different way, I'd wager. Then we would be lectured on the evils of racism as perpetrated exclusively by whites. Didn't Van Jones say something recently along these lines? Maybe that clown will get a daytime show as well.

Bill| 12.10.10 @ 11:39AM

Bread and circuses, bread and circuses...

Ken (Old Texican)| 12.10.10 @ 11:39AM

Jay,
Guys,

Hey, I like "Burn Notice" and "CSI Miami" and a good football game.

Gimme a break! (grin)

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:38PM

Hey, Ken, who doesn't like a good football game! And Texas is blessed with two pro teams and at least 2 strong college teams each year.

But Jerry Springer's show is an atrocity, and reminds me of a story. My wife and I were driving around Duluth with the sleeping munchkins in back when we came across a sign advertising "Live Midget Wrestling!" We both looked at each other, said "Jerry Springer" at the same moment, made a moue of disgust, and drove on.

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 10:56AM

I had you pegged a History, Discovery channel guy.

George| 12.10.10 @ 12:43PM

Interesting, they arrest and charge Michael Vick for instigating dogs to fight..but no crime is committed when the audience instigates two humans (if you call them that!!) to fight! Strange world we live in!

Ted R.| 12.10.10 @ 2:14PM

Hah! Clever point.

W| 12.10.10 @ 3:44PM

We have to wait for humans to die on the show. But how can you compare humans to dogs, don't humans have free will to resist fighting, or more to the point, to not go on the Jerry show?

Margie| 12.10.10 @ 12:56PM

It's either t.v. or read American Spectator. Hmm. :^)

This funny article reminded me of the time my Dad was in the hospital after one of his many operations. I came into the room where he was sitting up in bed, my Mom sitting in a chair next to his bed, and they were watching Jerry Springer. I pulled up a chair next to my Mom and commented that the show was a human circus, really. They just kept watching.. they got a kick out of it. It's like, turn on the t.v. and whatever it serves up.. what a waste of time!

Truly, I must agree with Pelligrino in what he's saying. We don't have t.v. but can watch some of it online. It's a diversion from the daily grind to us, that is all.

There's something truly missing from the heart that has to be filled.. fill it with God's love first and then t.v. won't be quite as interesting for the most part.
God bless.

Drew| 12.10.10 @ 1:02PM

Is a lot of daytime (and nighttime) TV tasteless dreck? Absolutely.

But the good thing about it is, you don't have to watch it (unless you are unfortunate enough to find yourself in the lounge of one of our country's many fine penal institutions... but thats another story.)

Shows like Jerry Springer and Maury Povich, or Oprah, or The Price is Right, are - for want of a better explanation - the end product of sixty years of relatively unencumbered free enterprise.

Advertisers (the people who actually pay the bills) want to appear on shows that get the biggest audience. Producers want to give them the biggest audience at lowest cost. And tawdry talk shows (with little expense other than the studio crew and the host's salary) admirably fit the bill.

If you want finely crafted, inspiring and educational fare - then most days you're going to be better off tuning in one of your good old Public Television stations. But I'm going to guess most American Spectators don't want to go too far down that avenue....

Trashy daytime TV isn't a blot on the honor of American culture. It ought to be viewed for what it is - a triumph of free enterprise, a shining example of how Adam Smith's "Invisible hand" maximizes consumer satisfaction and producer profit.

Occam's Tool| 12.11.10 @ 11:50PM

Drew,

most of public TV is spent on endless fund-raising drives. And the ice cream in the old Soviet Union was better than ours, too. What's the point here?

Pat| 12.10.10 @ 1:17PM

Hey, the idea is to sell dishwashing liquid, weight reduction diets and feminine hygiene products in a tasteful but effective manner. Your life is boring, so is mine by the way, so who would suffer through a commercial watching a gecko talk to a middle aged man about car insurance just to see you mow your lawn or take out your garbage? People want the “unusual”, they already have the usual, so you need some “sensitive issues” you can exploit with high intensity emotions – racism, sex, greed, sex, jealousy, sex, etc.

Take a long running drama which made millions for its producers – “Law & Order”. Talk about finding a winning formula – this show, with its 20 year run, had it all and understood just what audiences wanted. It had the obligatory “rainbow” cast, the black female police lieutenant, the any flavor of minority homicide detective, the beautiful white female assistant to the Assistant District Attorney, all of whom could also have appeared in any Wet and Wild episode, only with fewer clothes – the wise, old District Attorney, always white, but either male or female. And finally, the idealistic but down to earth Assistant District Attorney who tried the cases with help from his nubile, young female assistants, although it was hard to tell exactly what their role was in the criminal prosecution process – other than to look stunning.

The show’s locale was exciting New York City, but a New York which exists only in a parallel universe. For example, the preponderance of crime committed in this New York City is attributable to rich, white guys who kill for greed, sex, jealousy and revenge among other motives – in fact, rich white guys often kill for no reason at all. Next were rich white women who killed but always because their husbands or boyfriends were unfaithful, although sometimes money was involved. Apparently, not many rich white guys watch Law & Order – offending them is never a problem; in fact, it stimulates high emotional satisfaction for the vast majority of mediocre and not so rich American viewers.

Now minorities seldom commit murder in Law & Order’s New York City – and when they do it’s for sympathetic and completely understandable reasons – say your child needs an operation but the insurance company won’t pay so you’re forced to kill the insurance executive – who, by the way, is a white guy – it’s a crime, but a thoroughly justified one. And while it’s perfectly OK to hate white guys, political correctness requires minority crime to be handled tastefully and with compassion. You can depict a black man as a complete idiot who needs his wife to help him get dressed and buy groceries, but showing a black man blowing someone’s brains out over a matter of 50 dollars is “dangerous ground” in the television industry.

So, there you have American entertainment at its most successful, white people watching a show written and produced by white guys about minorities catching white murderers who are usually rich and completely without conscience.

And in the pecking order of “most hated”, white guys are at the very pinnacle – no one knows why – and inexplicable because, historically and as a group, white American men have fought our wars, built modern industry and tamed the wilderness. But, in “white man psychology”, it’s considered manly to ignore these deliberate insults - and important to maintain a quiet strength while never complaining about being the target of organized hate. Personally, as a white man, I’d rather be that extremely rare rich white guy on Law & Order who was found innocent – or the gecko.

Deej| 12.11.10 @ 9:54AM

Kudos, Pat, for a perfectly incisive analysis of the L&O 'franchise'.

For my two cents, it is the end-user who ultimately defines the value of a resource, whether it's television or a Smithsonian museum.

When we judiciously view cinematic or televised contect with a limited and defined objective, and reject content that doesn't meet that objective, we define value not only for that medium, but also for our mind.

Which is why the Springer show is a much harsher indictment of the viewing public than it is of Jerry himself, in my opinion.

I don't mind a little escapism once in a while, but Bonnie & Clyde never fled the law as desperately as daytime TV viewers flee reality.

Deej| 12.11.10 @ 9:57AM

That's "...cinematic or televised CONTENT."
*slinks off to practice typing*

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 12:04PM

Another outstanding observation. Reason number 121 to quit watching television.

In my opinion, TV commercials are more offensive and dangerous because of their short, repetitive message. Just watch commercials during sports programming and, assuming you were from another country who knew nothing about America, one would discover all middle managers, the ones who "have it together", the physically dominant, and law abiding citizens were African American, and on the opposite end, the lawbreakers, buffoons, physically submissive, and intelligently stunted are white - primarily male.

I understand the changing demographics of the middle class is the primary reason for this messaging as blacks tend to be more sensitive to how they are portrayed in the media than whites, so advertisers tend to do what's least offensive, but if it's not acceptable to portray blacks a certain manner, the same rule should apply to whites. Example: go to you tube and view any Brinks Home Security commercial. One would believe the only individuals committing home invasion crimes are distinctively white males with 4 day growth.

The most offensive commercial I can think of is the Washington Mutual "Bankers Pen" ad. It is beyond racist, it's just evil. Go to You Tube and see for yourself.

Mike09| 12.12.10 @ 9:33AM

Actually the perps on the L&O shows come from both ends of the bell curve: Rich and educated or poor and uneducated.

Claudia Monteverdi| 12.10.10 @ 3:22PM

My Dearest Jay,
My initial gestalt bespoke amusement that you had actually ducked the grand issues of the day and used up your space in knocking Gerry Springer (shh, babe, thats why we dish out the big bucks to)Maureen Dowd) and OMG Maury Povitch....on reflexion (reflection?) it came to me that you been suffering a bout of the infamous "Writer's Block"...the evil malady which shut off Gibbons 102nd tale, David's 3,000th psalm and Shakespeares ultimat (and surely the greatest) sonnet and the 11th Commandment--
Springer\Schpringer..s Povitch\Smovisch as long as they are Jewish I say!

You did it again Jay...shame on you!

Love,
Claudia

cls| 12.10.10 @ 3:44PM

This is the market at work, the people get what the people want.
The only solution is put your money where your mouth is and contribute to your favored artistic endeavors.

Jim Wilson| 12.10.10 @ 5:04PM

This style of TV has a long tradition, at least going back to Donahue in the 70s. Daytime TV is always the worst available, because the audience is small and either stupid or bored or both. Every time I'm sick and my head hurts too much to read, I turn on the tube and try to find something worth watching, but even the History Channel and Military Channel fail me during the day. They run the retreads I've already seen, and I usually end up watching them anyway but without enjoyment, and it doesn't have the desired effect of distracting me from dwelling on my illness.

Fact is there's no incentive to come up with marvelous programming during the day, so they really don't even try. It's the same old dreck for 40 years, and it works, so why bother to try anything more?

Not that prime time programming is much better, but they do TRY, at least, to occasionally shake things up. I can guarantee the immediate demise of any show I find interesting by watching it. They don't need Nielsen. Just run any show by me, if I like, it cancel it at once and save the money.

Peter| 12.10.10 @ 5:28PM

Springer must be a tire shop staple. My only Jerry sighting was in a Sears tire store 15 years ago. Thankfully, my mind has been purged of the specifics, but it appears that Springer's stripes do no change.

JeffT| 12.10.10 @ 6:06PM

I've learned to bring my MP3 player whenever I have my car serviced. The office staff always makes sure the worst possible show, usually The View, is on and loud enough for the whole town to hear. It's either that or I walk around the block until the car is ready. I can't stay and have my head explode.

Occam's Tool| 12.10.10 @ 8:40PM

NRO Online has a Kindle download. I wish TAS had one. Perfect for those oil changing moments.

Pete| 12.10.10 @ 6:28PM

The thing that always puzzled me was why Jerry Springer seems to pretend that he is somehow above and untouched by the spectacle his show produces on a daily basis. Just look at that leering face of his----a lost soul peeking through your bedroom window.

bluecollarbytes| 12.10.10 @ 9:32PM

Doesn't Jerry still sum it all up in the last 6 seconds with an Oprah-like call for 'understanding'? It makes up for the preceding hour of human degradation, exhibitionism, and unjustified pride in the particular sex-acts and/or sexual relationships in question.

Imagine millions feeding on this daily swill.

by the way, tire shop-TVS tend to push me outside while waiting.

Bob Grant| 12.11.10 @ 1:04PM

"...by the way, tire shop-TVS tend to push me outside while waiting..."

Yea but you must watch TSTV in order to enjoy that tasty Tire Shop Coffee (TSC) which is always nearby.

William Hoy| 12.11.10 @ 10:46AM

I'm retrired. I find this tripe to be no worse than some of the popular talk shows, so I watch it occasionally. I frequently wonder if the participants are staging some of the foolishness. It does seem odd that the combatants never suffer any real damage.

Nelson H.| 12.11.10 @ 7:14PM

Of course it is staged. These individuals are coached every step of the way and put on well-rehearsed performances. They are culled and developed from an endless list of people who will do literally anything to appear on television, because in their circle being on television means you are "somebody". Ever noticed the morons who appear behind live-mic television reporters and start waving their arms and cutting capers? People of that mentality exist in the tens of millions.

rongordo| 12.11.10 @ 8:42PM

I've often thought that if it weren't for airports, CNN would have no ratings. Same prob'ly holds true enough for auto-shops and network, and banks and CNBC.

Mike09| 12.12.10 @ 9:10AM

I worry that beings from another planet will see shows like Springer and Povich, and conclude Earth is one giant trailer park not worth visiting.

Texas Jayde| 12.12.10 @ 4:06PM

rush limbaugh has it right. he calls these kinds of shows "an endless parade of human debris." so true.

Michael L. Hauschild| 12.12.10 @ 8:25PM

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace.
Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning. I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates, and a half bottle
of scotch.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now..

FlagThisOvomit| 12.13.10 @ 1:26AM

N|ggers have deservedly earned their widespread reputation as obnoxious apes. No one wants to be around that sh1t, except for otherNiggers, and stupid white whores that deserve nothing better.