The Charlie Crist era in Florida politics is stumbling to an
end. And it’s a pretty pathetic business. As his governorship has
been and his political prospects are.
After losing a bizarre race for U.S. Senate in which
Governor Crist abandoned the Republican Party to run as an
independent, changed most of his positions on issues by
180-degrees, and enlisted a former Democratic President and serial
groper to try to bully the Democratic Senate candidate into
dropping out of the race, Crist gave a gracious concession speech
where he promised to work hard for Florida’s interests in the final
two months of his term as governor.
Well, maybe not so hard. In his final cabinet meeting
Tuesday, Crist and Florida’s governing board approved a biomass
energy plant to be constructed near Gainesville and honored a
Labrador retriever named Ace on his retirement from the state fire
marshal’s office after a long and distinguished career sniffing out
accelerants.
The biomass plant, like most boutique energy sources that
environmentalists fancy, will almost certainly produce a trifling
amount of energy at a very high price. But since he’s been
governor, Crist has catered to the organic tote-bag crowd and their
quirky policies. At least our outgoing governor and associates did
right by Ace, whose government service benefited the people of
Florida more than Charlie’s did.
Fortunately, Florida voters this year (after a lapse in
2008) were as good at sniffing out humbugs as Ace is at nailing
accelerants. Fewer than 30 percent of Floridians voted to send the
ideologically ambidextrous Crist to the U.S. Senate, opting by a
wide margin for principled conservative Republican Marco Rubio.
When Crist hands the keys of the governor’s mansion over to Naples
businessman and Republican Rick Scott on January 4, Crist’s
political career is over for the time being, very likely over for
good.
Crist’s final days as governor have not just been aimless,
as much of his four-year term has been, but downright goofy as
well. While doing less than nothing to help breath life into
Florida’s flaccid economy — he called President Obama’s
reinstituting of his job-killing ban on offshore oil drilling
“wonderful news” — Crist’s final days in office have taken on a
quixotic tone. Crist has devoted a good deal of post-Nov. 2 time to
agitating for a pardon for the late rocker Jim Morrison of the
Doors who was convicted in 1969 of indecent exposure and profanity
at a Miami concert in March of that year. This is the same
Morrison, who while appealing his misdemeanor convictions and
six-month sentence, died in a bathtub in Paris (France, not Texas)
in 1971.
The 1969 jury agreed that Morrison had shown the crowd, to
use a contemporary term, his junk, at the concert (it is nowhere
recorded what this rated on the applause meter). Crist says he
doesn’t think it happened that way, but doesn’t say why his take,
41 years out, is superior to that of the 1969 jury’s, or why the
chief executive officer of the nation’s fourth largest state,
which is struggling with all manner of real problems, should be
frittering his time away on such a trifle.
Not even the ACLU is impressed with Crist’s posthumous
compassion. They say there are plenty of live, non-violent ex-cons
who would like their civil rights restored. But then dealing with
hum-drum, every day criminals doesn’t get the national spotlight
like running interference for a high-profile rocker.
Crist got his way Thursday when he and the three Florida
cabinet members, sitting as the state clemency board, voted
unanimously to erase this blot on Morrison’s memory. The other
blots that Morrison’s outrageous behavior earned him are still
operative.
None of this nonsense augers well for a return to public
office for Crist. He made a complete and noisy break with the
Republican Party last spring after it became obvious he had no
chance against Rubio in the Republican primary. Republicans don’t
want him back. Former Republican Governor Jeb Bush was blunt when
he was recently asked on Newsmax TV if Crist has any future as a
Republican. “No. The answer is absolutely not,” the still popular
ex-governor said. “He rejected our philosophy, he abandoned the
party, he’s not welcome back.” No ambiguity here.
While most Florida Republicans would rather short-sheet
Charlie than welcome him back into their party, Democrats have no
reason to trust him. Any politician who can change positions on
major issues in the manner Crist did — he just didn’t fine-tune
his positions, he totally reversed them — can change them back
again when it is in his political interest to do so. Other
politicians and voters have about as much reason to trust Charlie
Crist to hold firm on anything as Charlie Brown has to trust Lucy
to hold the football while he tries to kick it.
So with neither political party having a reason to welcome
Crist into its ranks, and with Charlie now aware how difficult it
is to run as an independent, it may be time for him to re-acquaint
himself with the private sector. Not that his pre-political résumé
as a lawyer was impressive. And he’s been a totally political
animal since 1994.
Last summer and fall, as Crist sank in the polls, people
who knew I was writing about the race asked me what I thought
Charlie would do after he lost the Senate election and was no
longer governor. Jokingly, I said I thought John Morgan would keep
him as a pet. The joke may come true. News accounts say that
attorney Morgan, of the large, state-wide personal injury law firm
Morgan and Morgan, is talking with Crist about Crist affiliating
with the firm.
Maybe Crist will, though it’s hard to imagine how Crist
could benefit a PI firm. Other kinds of firms might have use for a
former governor as a rain-maker. But it’s hard to see Charlie
scaring up potential whip-lash candidates. And he probably doesn’t
remember how to try a case, or perhaps even how to file a suit.
Morgan was a Crist contributor, supporter, and friend, so maybe
there’s nothing more than friendship at work here.
Barring a soft-landing at Morgan and Morgan, there’s
always a chance that Crist’s bride, Carole, will put him to work at
her family’s novelty company. I understand there’s an opening for
vice-president for whoopee cushions.
So we take notice today of just two careers that are
winding down in the Sunshine State. And I’m sure TAS
readers join me in wishing Ace a long and happy retirement.
Joedoc| 12.10.10 @ 6:41AM
Crist is the reason people hate the majority of politicians. He would have done anything to get six years of the public paying him to do absolutely nothing. What can he do in the private sector? Nothing.
AMENBRO| 12.10.10 @ 11:01AM
The new Congress hasn't even been sworn in yet & a small army of CRISTS, whom believe they are Christ, are showing everyone just how short their privates are. Not much longer than their attention spans.
I remember with glee in 1994, the antics of the OLD LIBERAL GUARD suddenly not of sole possession of the EXEC Shitter Keys, LOL. . Can you say shrill as it is small yawl.
Stormzeye| 12.10.10 @ 3:11PM
As that wise man Charles Krauthammer once said of Arlen Spector:
"He gives opportunism a bad name."
Hey Charlie, you snake, here's a shoe that fits perfectly.
Anthony| 12.10.10 @ 8:14PM
Amen Joedoc. The modern day political class are a festering wound on America. This POS is history, but many follow in his footsteps, like the POS mayor of NYC, who thinks small, is small, but governs big, hence billionaire Bloomberg thinks he's presidential material.
I pine for the days of frontier justice.
Ret. Marine| 12.10.10 @ 6:52AM
As an X-Floridian, I submit these less than kind words for this whore of the public trust- may your legacy never be uttered in polite company.
charlie crist| 12.10.10 @ 7:02AM
but i only lost by one million votes!
Peter Skurkiss| 12.10.10 @ 7:19AM
Charlie Crist is one on the most loathsome characters in modern American politics.
And one of the real right spots in his leaving office is that Florida can move ahead in reforming its public schools.
Let's recall that in his attempt to grap a U.S. Senate seat, Crist flipped-flopped and veoted a bill to replace teacher tenure with merit pay in his mad-cap attempt to win teacher union votes & money.
Some profile in courage that Crist is.
bluecollarbytes| 12.10.10 @ 7:35AM
Jim Morrison's 'reveal' or faux-reveal was a career move, one that's been copied over and over by succeeding POPortunists in the music biz ever since. Evidently Charlie the Crist still has the youthful blind faith that it was something else, perhaps even 'meaningful'.
Melvin| 12.10.10 @ 7:49AM
There isn't a vile enough phrase that can describe Charlie Crist.
If Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Charlie Crist were on a ballot Mahmoud would win without even campaigning, that is how much Crist is reviled
Maybe Crist can go down to South Beach, I heard they were looking for someone to hire to pick-up behind dogs for fuel for the bio-mass plant.
Chef Schnauzer| 12.10.10 @ 7:55AM
Crist: kind of a Republican, lip service to voters and one hell of a tan..... Boehner: kind of a Republican, lip service to conservatives and one hell of a tan - Hey, Johnny - congratulations of increasing spending and creating more unemployment entitlements - way to listen to the voters, jack-ass.
Mick Lee| 12.10.10 @ 8:13AM
"Crist says he doesn't think it happened that way, but doesn't say why his take, 41 years out, is superior to that of the 1969 jury's, or why the chief executive officer of the nation's fourth largest state, which is struggling with all manner of real problems, should be frittering his time away on such a trifle."
a.) There are those of us who think Jim Morrison should have been declared "not-guilty by reason of being a bozo". In addition, we should be grateful for The Doors. They were the dark prophets of Rock in direct opposition to the "Peace and Love" pretenders. If we only had paid attention, we would have known what was to come when the "music will change the world" crowd had their balloon pop when they learned that the world was not about to change. Nifty guitar riffs just wouldn't do the job. Chanting “make love not war” stopped no wars or prevent the carnage and misery to come. All that was left was drugs, booze, and burned out sex. Once the idealism of the 1960's died, my generation dived into getting stoned and putting certain body parts with other body parts. The fun didn't turn out so well in the end. Meanwhile we had to endure the Jesus Freaks flooding our college campuses to save our souls. "Sex, drugs and rock and roll” and religious fanaticism were fruits off the same tree. If only we paid attention to The Doors.
b.) Whether Jim Morrison was guilty or I don't care a wit. When the government gets itself tied up with things like naming a road after some crook or declaring November 1st Florida String Bikini Day, that's time not used by the government to make things worse by addressing itself to “all manner of real problems”. As demonstrated by his own behavior, Crist needs to be distracted so he won't fiddle with the levers of power.
Curly Smith| 12.10.10 @ 8:40AM
I hope Crist gets the legacy that his years of public service deserves... "The Charlie Crist BioMass Plant". Nothing says dedicated public servant like rotting vegetation, noxious fumes, high cost and little actual value. Let's start a petition to honor Charlie Crist!
irish19| 12.13.10 @ 12:47AM
I like it! I think all biomass plants should be named after politicians-as should landfills and sewage treatment plants.
David| 12.10.10 @ 9:18AM
I like how Morrisons wife went on CNN yesterday and denounced this pardon as garbage.
Michael| 12.10.10 @ 3:07PM
Not his wife. She's a groupie who made a 40 year career out of a 10 day bender with Morrison. Morrison couldn't stand this woman when he was sober and they we're never legally married.
pascoConservative| 12.10.10 @ 9:37AM
Rumor has it that Charlie is going to run for Bill Young's seat in the House Of Reps. FL10
Mark R| 12.10.10 @ 12:34PM
If he somehow made it out of the primary (unlikely) that would guarantee a flip of the seat to the Dems.
irish19| 12.13.10 @ 12:49AM
Could he do that as a Republican? Even after the party said they wanted nothing to do with him? Not being snarky-I just want to know how that would work.
Groad| 12.10.10 @ 9:44AM
Charlie the whore in his patented fashion promised not to endorse a candidate in the FL primary in 2008. Shortly before the day of same, he endorsed his good buddy and pal Capt. McQueeg. McQueeg was solidly behind Charlie for Senate in the obvious bargain struck. The Good Senor and the rest of the RINO establishment also backed Charlie. Marco Rubio handed the RINO establishment their collective butts.
Charlie got his payback for giving us McCain for Pres. See ya' Charlie, the Whoopee Cusion position sounds just right for you.
irish19| 12.13.10 @ 12:50AM
I'm thinking more along the lines of rubber vomit or dogsh*t.
hunter| 12.10.10 @ 9:45AM
Ohh see how the chaff doth blow first to and fo, how it drift with the wind only to settle with the other chaff, away from the wheat..........
randog| 12.10.10 @ 9:53AM
I'm waiting for Booger to publish an advance copy of his farewell address.
Chris| 12.10.10 @ 10:05AM
Marco and the people of Florida just demonstrated how to scrape the dog sh*t off the bottom of their shoes.
Crist is the perfect example of a sewerage treatment plant! Who the hell would retain him as an attorney and TRUST him if one considers his 180 degree reversal of any issue. Legal Malpractice is the point of no return!
Steve A| 12.10.10 @ 10:15AM
Crist claims to have been born in 1956 but the snow white dome indicates he could be older. Morrison "supposedly" died under mysterious circumstances in a Paris tub in 1972 at 27 years old. Perhaps Crist is, in fact, Morrison come back to pardon himself & rock on after a failed political career.
A| 12.11.10 @ 11:45AM
This is a brilliant theory.
frank drackman | 12.10.10 @ 10:18AM
I actually voted for Charlie Christ in 2006.
He was a Republican, I'm a Republican, thats what I do. In fact, the only Democrats I've voted for were Zell Miller in 1982 and Al Sharpton in 2004(as a Goof, but when I contemplated the choice of John Edwards/ Kerrey/ Howard Dean/ Sharpton was the best...
And I didn't even mind the Gay Rumours, OK I did, but when he went down on Obama(Peace be upon Him) in pubic, I mean Public...
Frank Drackman
Roscoe| 12.10.10 @ 10:22AM
Further justification for ending the whole concept of "lame duck" governments and/or administrations. Looking at the individuals of the Florida Clemency Board, I'm reminded of the line by the Lt. Weinberg in A Few Good Men: "I have no responsibility here whatsoever...". (Although, I would have expected better from McCollum & Bronson.)
Chef Schnauzer| 12.10.10 @ 3:48PM
I've seen this notion pop up around the web, it's time has come.
astorian| 12.10.10 @ 10:26AM
For what little it's worth, the surviving members of the Doors say to this day that they themselves don't really know whether Morrison exposed himself.
To be sure, Morrison was egging on the crowd and loudly "threatening" to show off his junk, but no one on stage could tell if he really exposed anything or was just playing a silly peak-a-boo game with the crowd.
If even the people on the stage with Morrison couldn't tell whether he was guilty of indecent exposure, odds are none of the fans in the stadium could really see anything either.
The entire affair was overblown, and there was no need to make an arrest... but forty years later, it hardly seems important enough to warrant a posthumous pardon.
mike| 12.10.10 @ 3:10PM
I disagre. If you believe the constitution works retroactively, then Crist & the clemency board made the right ruling. This case was filed no different than the living inmates. Morrison's right to appeal was denied at the time of his death and his case was never legally abated. That's all Crist did here was issue the pardon because no lawyer ever filed for abatement. Constitution works for the living & the dead. Hats off to Crist & Clemency board!
PCP Smoker| 12.10.10 @ 6:58PM
Even if you are fan of the Doors, which I am, to write "hats off to Crist" is to be, with apologies to Sarah Hottie Palin, an absolute fucking retard.
Cromulent| 12.10.10 @ 10:41AM
I wish AmSpec would allow the posting of pictures. What does Ace look like?
Shamus| 12.10.10 @ 10:41AM
I realize that Crist hasn't been a Democrat for very long, but Bill Clinton could have told him that you're supposed to get paid up front for the pardon.
AngryAmerican| 12.10.10 @ 10:49AM
In less than a month ass-clown Charlie will be consigned to the ash heap of history. A vapid empty suit who stood for nothing has by his actions propelled himself into oblivion. This last bit of absurdity is simply synonymous with everything else he has done as governor. Good bye and good riddance. I hope to never, ever, hear your name again!
CalMark| 12.10.10 @ 11:15AM
Totally agree.
Unfortunately, I think ol' Charlie might prove to be like the proverbial bad penny, turning up everywhere. Kinda like the Clintons.
Mike D.| 12.10.10 @ 6:52PM
The dude is the carbunkle on the @ss of American politics.
Wayne | 12.10.10 @ 12:14PM
My understanding was that Morrison had one of his band members give him a blow job on stage. Is Crist now saying that is acceptable?
james wilson| 12.10.10 @ 12:18PM
To sort out his future he needs to spend some quiet time with Barney Frank.
Chuckie| 12.10.10 @ 12:39PM
He made a mistake shared by several this year. Rather than losing with grace and waiting for next time, he burned his bridges. Churchill went and painted for a couple years when he was on the outs and ended up just fine.
St. Pete FL Native| 12.10.10 @ 12:39PM
Very very well said, Mr. Thornberry. I couldn't possibly add to the comments about Charlie - they too are right on point about this self-serving politician.
One question does beg an answer: Why in the world would John Morgan ned Charlie Crist? Morgan is successful and clever, so what does Charlie have that Morgan thinks he needs? Just don't get it.
Sam C| 12.10.10 @ 12:46PM
I always said Charlie was a Faggot, but a good friend in the know from Tallahassee corrected me and said he is Bisexual...which like his political career means he swings BOTH WAYS....This GUY should BE DONE! The worst republican governor since Bob Martinez in this state's history.
danshanteal| 12.10.10 @ 12:46PM
Larry Thornberry is my kind of writer. What's with these governors like Crist, Sanford, the NY guy, the Michigan lady et al. Total nincompoops.
serfer62| 12.10.10 @ 3:43PM
QUESTION...is the RNC & RNCC still supporting the Orange Man?
Neo| 12.10.10 @ 4:33PM
Crist is merely the Arlen Specter of Florida
chris haynes| 12.10.10 @ 6:29PM
Crist, Spector, Chafee, Gulianni. Schwarznegger.
More pro abortion republicans, and the torch passed to the next generation. Scott Brown, Kirk, Daniels. Thanks Karl Rove.
Cliff| 12.13.10 @ 12:46AM
Putting Rudy in such company is totally unfair. Rudy was a Republican when it mattered in a city that was 5/1 Democrat, and he's stood for Republicans of all stripes all over the country, from the very conservative to moderates.
I don't agree with him on every issue but he's not a finger-in-the-wind opportunist. He's a man of principles who sticks by them more then your average politician. That and he did more to prove that conservative Governance works then just about anybody else in the country since Ronald Reagan.
sgpi| 12.13.10 @ 2:06AM
Don't lump Daniels in with that crowd. His comment about a truce in the social issues war didn't mean he's not a social conservative. He is in fact staunchly conservative, in every sense of the word. His intention was to fix the economic mess first.
PCP Smoker| 12.10.10 @ 6:54PM
Thank you Larry for the great reporting on this ultra creep. You have done the Lord Jesus Christ's work in detailing the absolute train wreck that became Good Times Charlie.
You next subject should be Crist's brother -- John Cornyn. He is another fake RINO who needs to go.
justasimplepatriot| 12.10.10 @ 7:13PM
He has to drop of of politics while he is undergoing gender change.
WRJonas| 12.11.10 @ 9:17PM
I smell a lotta people writing off Charlies chances of leading a productive and profitable life. Little do they know that Obama wrote a special provision into the environmental bill waivering taxes on Charlies new business. Obama has reportedly sunk millions into a new chain of Charlie Orange Suntan Supreme tanning parlors. They are gonna be sunsational !
What could go wrong ?
Sonny| 12.11.10 @ 9:35PM
Good Bye and Good Riddins..!!!!!
Oldefarte| 12.12.10 @ 10:13AM
As with the current Auburn QB, WE KNOW WHAT THEY ARE......WE'RE JUST NOT SURE WHAT PRICE THEY CHARGE!!!!!!!!
lance sjogren| 12.12.10 @ 10:40AM
Great eulogy. Voters in important states like Florida and California for too long have been snookered into electing charlatans to office.
Finally the public has sniffed one out and sent him to pasture.
lance sjogren| 12.12.10 @ 10:43AM
By the way, what difference does Crist's sexual orientation make?
What matters is that he is a political whore who has no principles and jumps onto every lamebrained political bandwagon that comes along.
lance sjogren| 12.12.10 @ 10:48AM
"Unfortunately, I think ol' Charlie might prove to be like the proverbial bad penny, turning up everywhere."
That's the one bad thing about washed up politicians. And where these "bad pennies" generally turn up is to serve as "elder statesmen" on the talking heads programs of the establishment media.
Some previous examples: Newt Gingrich, Dick Armey.
If John McCain is still kicking around after his current term in office, no doubt he will be "rediscovered" by the New York Times as the great maverick who tried to save the Republican Party from its ideological rigidity, and he'll feel right at home once again being the "useful idiot" for the Establishment Left.
valwayne| 12.12.10 @ 10:51AM
Gov Crist is a sad example of a politician with no principals or loyalties except getting elected!
Leah| 12.12.10 @ 12:22PM
Thanks for the fun and on the mark commentary.
Park It| 12.12.10 @ 3:29PM
The political chameleon, Democrat (for now)Charles Crist, isn't worth this lengthy a column, or even much of a comment. "Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish" is enough. What a fraud.
Tom W| 12.12.10 @ 3:47PM
The "bad penny" comment by another poster is oh so prescient. Charlie the Chameleon is not going away:
http://www.npr.org/2010/12/10/.....rist-Group
Joe Doakes| 12.12.10 @ 3:51PM
All Charlie Crist needs is a thong and a pole. He will dance for anyone.
debra| 12.12.10 @ 9:50PM
Okay, I was just perusing the comments, as I often do on Sunday evening while keeping one eye on the football game my husband is watching, and you just had to go and put this nauseating image in my mind. I may not be able to eat for a week.
irish19| 12.13.10 @ 12:56AM
I'm with Debra. Where did I put that jug of brain bleach?
Tom Johnson, LargoFL| 12.12.10 @ 4:50PM
1 Nov 2010
Folks,
Obama’s GAME (Great American Marxist Experiment) is over, a failure. Marxism goes against the basic human instincts that freedom is a natural, God-given right, that what you make (or earn) is yours to keep, that family, not government, is the basic social unit. Democrats have historically been the party to raise taxes and increase the size of government, but Obama, Reid, and Pelosi have taken these mistaken policies to the extreme. Republicans, Independents, and Tea Party members will now be forever vigilant of the Left and we will vote.
Tom Johnson, Largo, Florida
Gene Moss Winter Park, Florida| 12.13.10 @ 4:30AM
Tom, Well said, and I stand with you. I will not only be vigilant of the Left, but also Rino's and any other group that wants to subvert the Constitution of the United States.
go_figure7722| 12.12.10 @ 5:00PM
Ace, in all sincerity, you have my respect and well-wishes. Crist, I wouldn't hire you as a Walmart Greeter.
BMF| 12.12.10 @ 5:04PM
In some respects, Charlie reminds me of Obama under different circumstances.
Obama's popularity could still be hovering in the stratosphere if he had stuck to his campaign promises and addressed the legislation in smaller steps. Instead, he reversed himself 180 degrees and got greedy. Now is popularity is in the toilet and he is most often compared to Jimma Carter.
Christ could have gracefully conceded to Rubio, and endorsed and campaigned for him. Had he done so, I think he would be popular in the Republican Party as a team player and in a good position to oppose Bill Nelson. Instead, he got greedy, and reversed is principles 180 degrees. As a result, his popularity is lower than that of lawyers--and since he is one, that makes it doubly bad.
In the end, I thank my lucky stars that neither Obama or Crist have any common sense. Otherwise, this country would be screwed worse than it already is.
nickatdabeach| 12.12.10 @ 10:51PM
had heard charLIE was going to open a gay bar in the Keys
Bunky| 12.13.10 @ 8:46AM
Ace not only served the citizens of Florida better than Charlie Tan, Ace is apparently smarter than Charlie Tan as well.
Old One| 12.13.10 @ 12:28PM
Tom Johnson, Largo,Fl,
Obama's Game(Great American Marxist Experiment( needs on minor tweak. Make the word Ameican anti-American.
Mitch| 12.13.10 @ 1:03PM
Too many conservatives leaving messages here. Clemency board did right by issuing Morrison pardon. They also heard 80 LIVING cases, too. Issuing the Morrison pardon didn't waste any money or block anyone else's spot. That's BS to say otherwise. Quit yer bitchin. After the next 4 years of Rick Scott, a confirmed Medicare defrauder, you'll be begging for Crist to come back! Kiss my left asscheek and make the right one jealous!
Terry | 12.13.10 @ 3:54PM
There is one person who will not get a pardon, and that's Crist himself. Forgiving Morrison is not a problem for anyone, although its a waste of time.
Garry Owen| 12.16.10 @ 12:48PM
Dear Gov. Crist:
Here is your hat. What is your hurry?
Diogenes| 12.16.10 @ 2:21PM
Memo to the ACLU: It is likely that only the "Morrison Estate" offered any "consideration" for a pardon. With "Tanning Booth Charlie" (hopefully) leaving the political stage, it is not enough that your convicts agree to vote for him.