The American Spectator : Mr. Airplane Flies to Washington

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Ben Stein's Diary

Mr. Airplane Flies to Washington

By Ben Stein on 12.6.10 @ 6:08AM

A few warm moments on a cold stimulus weekend.

Saturday
So, here I am in Washington, D.C. It is December 4 and it is cold. I flew in last night from Toronto, where I had spoken at the Art Gallery of Ontario. It is a spectacular building, the room of the event designed by Frank Gehry. The audience were Canadians and Scots, the latter dressed often in kilts. They were a good-looking bunch.

They discussed their work, stock picking, and we had a fine meal. Then I spoke and then we went off on our separate ways. That was two days ago.

Yesterday I flew in from Toronto to Dulles. Before we left the pilot of our plane made a bit of a mistake. He plugged a power cable into an Internet port, or so he said, and the result was, as he said, "Mister Airplane doesn't like that." So we sat for 90 minutes while repairmen were summoned and finally appeared and fixed Mister Airplane.

When we got to IAD, a fierce-looking woman would not let us off because someone at United had written on the "Gendex," a document about the flight, that we were coming in from Ottawa instead of Toronto. I went to use the bathroom and the maintenance people came on board and locked me in.

Finally I got off the plane and rode to my apartment with my trusty driver, Bob.

Today I awakened to a request by e-mail that I comment on Rep. Nancy Pelosi's claim that the "multiplier" effect of unemployment comp was two and therefore it was highly stimulative.

I wrote back the truth: no one knows what the multiplier effect is. No one has ever known No one even knows if it is positive or negative. Keynes didn't know. No one knows. It cannot be measured. You just find a likely economist and he gives you whatever number you want. Then the other side gives you whatever number they want. This is what I call "economic realism."

Nor do we know if we are better off with more consumer spending or more saving. Three years ago we all wanted more saving. Now we want more spending. Who knows which is better? I just know I am happier when I am saving.

Who knows what will stimulate the economy? No one. We are getting a recovery, though, so maybe let's not screw around with it by raising taxes right now. And also, let's not be Scrooge by being hard hearted to the unemployed… although there is so much fraud in that unemployment and disability spending that it's breathtaking.

I wrote about that, and then I went to a reception at the home of Admiral and Mrs. Mike Mullen, Chairman of the JCS. The event was for wounded warriors and widows and family members of those who have been killed in the wars for freedom.

The event was deeply moving (as well as having fabulous food) because the Mullens were so welcoming, but mostly because I reconnected with several wounded soldiers whom I had met at Walter Reed over the years when they were in wheelchairs or on beds in total distress and pain. They were generous enough to recall my visits and to thank me, which I do not deserve at all.

We stayed a long time and as I walked home, I said to Alex, who was with me, "We really know very little about economics. We know very little about picking stocks. But I know that the real heart and soul of this nation is wearing uniforms and risking their lives for us and that the backbone of the nation is the military family. I don't know much, but I know that. Without them, all would be ashes, and there is no possible way to thank them enough. They are the stars in the stars and stripes."

About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes "Ben Stein's Diary" for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (52) | Leave a comment

potkas7| 12.6.10 @ 6:42AM

Just a point of clarification: it's not "Gendex" it's Gen-Dec, a General Declaration. It's a form required by Customs upon entering a country giving the details of the flight, crew names, pax-list and the like - it's filed by the airline and is separate from, and in addition to, the individual Customs Declaration each crewmember and passenger has to fill out listing any purchases made outside of the country. It's a required document all over the world.

mrs stein| 12.6.10 @ 7:23AM

correcting ben is my job.

you have crossed the line of demarcation and intruded into my space.

go find your own husband.

beebop| 12.6.10 @ 8:54AM

I don't normally like one time use screen names, but your comment helped me chuckle out loud. Hard to do in the present circumstance of DC posturing.

Since Ben is always happy to learn something, I doubt that he will read potkas7's comment as critique perse. But unlike "mrs. stein," I won't begin to speak for him.

loulou| 12.6.10 @ 9:24AM

Genius, Miz Stein!

vtwin| 12.6.10 @ 3:22PM

"correcting ben is my job." You must be a busy woman!

Loshooligan| 12.6.10 @ 4:48PM

If only there were a Mrs. (or Mr.) Vtwit, she (he) could dab the ointment of reality on your Leftist Simplex flare-ups.

Appleby| 12.6.10 @ 6:47AM

It concerns me that the man in the pilot seat carrying that many people at 30,000 feet at breathtaking speed cannot tell which hole to plug what into. Are these holes not labeled?

It does not concern me that someone on the ground in America does not know the difference between Ottawa and Toronto. At least they stayed in the same province. Most people in America would be hard pressed to name any city in Canada, except possibly Montreal. When the Olympics were in Torino (which is in Italy), a hefty percentage of Americans made inquiries for hotel rooms in Toronto (which is in Canada).

Career Soldier| 12.6.10 @ 8:28AM

"Most people in America"? Would that be American's? Or maybe illegal hispanic aliens? Living in a US/Canadian border state, I realize that it's difficult to tell the difference between our two countries. However please don't attempt to tell us what "most Americans" know or don't know. And we won't call all of you a "hoser, eh".

It's surprising to me that Adm Mullen cares so deeply about the fine men and women of the US Military. It light of the fact that he has ignored the counsel of the Chiefs he is Chairman of, and is working hard to diminish the effectiveness and efficiency of our US Armed Forces.

Glen Leinbach| 12.6.10 @ 9:19AM

I wonder if those geographically impaired folks enjoyed the Clint Eastwood movie "Gran Toronto."

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:21PM

Now, THAT'S Funny! But a lot of 'em won't get it.

Stilton| 12.6.10 @ 12:34PM

There is a Taranto in Italy. You say Toronto, I say Taranto, let's call the whole thing off

Appleby| 12.7.10 @ 7:21AM

When the Americans tightened the border and began requiring official documents from Canadians to enter the USA, a Canadian friend fumed *does any other country in the world have to put up with this?*

He was shocked, I tell you, shocked, to hear that EVERY other country in the world requires Canadians to have official documents to enter therein.

So its not restricted to one side of the border, this assumption that our two countries are in fact one.

Bill| 12.6.10 @ 9:13AM

Mexicans, Canadians, and citizens of the United States are all Americans. For that matter, so are all the citizens of the nations of South America.

The people who refer to themselves as "Americans" customarily are actually United States citizens. But the citizens of North and South America are "Americans" too. For that matter, Scots and the Welsh as well as the Irish are Britains since they all live in the British Isles.

Ole Sarge| 12.6.10 @ 5:53PM

It is best to be else where when you call a Scot, Irishman or Welshman a Brit.

Irish are especially prickly about this, might have something to do with past histroy, eh?

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:23PM

And the SCOTS are NOT??? Talk about "prickly pasts" indeed!

LOL| 1.18.11 @ 8:49PM

Great, stuff. I love it.

Appleby| 12.7.10 @ 7:22AM

Do not EVER call a Canadian an American. He will knock you down.

RiverKing| 12.9.10 @ 5:15PM

That's not as bad as mistaking a Korean for being Japanese or vice versa. Those people really don't like each other while Canadians and Americans ... well, most Canadians and Americans can get along without much difficulty. I have even liked many Canadians I've known.

litvi| 12.7.10 @ 4:00PM

Britons. With an o.

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:25PM

AYE, Laddie!

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:25PM

AYE, Laddie!

Richard Ong| 12.9.10 @ 5:41PM

Are there citizens of countries in N. and S. America other than U.S. citizens who refer to themselves as "Americans"?

Petronius| 12.6.10 @ 9:13AM

Get on to Youtube
United breaks guitars.

Bill| 12.6.10 @ 9:14AM

"Britons," excuse me.

R Martin| 12.6.10 @ 9:42AM

"Who knows what will stimulate the economy? No one."

Mr. Stein is wrong on this one. Many of us know what will stimulate the economy: low taxes, a strong dollar and tight money. That formual has proven effective time and again with clear examples evident in the 1920's, the 1940's, the 1960's and the 1980's.

Occam's Tool| 12.6.10 @ 5:39PM

Mr. Martin, Mr. Stein, in addition to being an economist, is also a lawyer.

Steve| 12.14.10 @ 2:16PM

OK, OT; I know you are an medical doctor and that you despise lawyers. I'm dying to know: have you had to face the wrong end of a malpractice lawsuit or was it just that one of us failed to pass the canapés to you at the club?

Richard Ong| 12.9.10 @ 6:11PM

Good point. I thought it strange Mr. Stein wrote of being mystified about how to stimulate an economy. Perhaps he meant if you can command a lot of money to spend it's not possible to know what kind of expenditures will stimulate the economy.

Keynes| 12.6.10 @ 10:35AM

I hate to chop logic with Mr. Stein,but a lot of numbers have been crunched since Keynes wrote his General theory. The consensus is FORGET THE MULTIPLIER!

Tom beebe| 12.9.10 @ 8:45PM

Economists rarely seem to consider the irrationality of consumers when postulating their "laws", the law of supply and demand is subject to much marketplace 'friction'. The fear of deflation, claiming that falling prices will reduce consumption, overlooks the time constraints, or should I say, demands, for many products and services. So perhaps Ben''s remark that "nobody knows what the multiplier is" actually understates the situation.

Richard Baker| 12.6.10 @ 11:52AM

Appleby:
Human factors are a part of the aviation equation, don't you know? Have you ever seen the inside of an airliner cockpit? Obviously not. However, no one was hurt, the avionics tech fixed the problem, and they were on their way. Flying an airliner is a complex operation and errors do happen. Sorry, government mandated perfection is not possible. When I was a skydiver, I had to go to my reserve five times over 23 years. Nothing is perfect.

Ray| 12.6.10 @ 8:14PM

That "aviation equation" you're referring to sounds like good old-fashioned bad engineering to me. Why is it that the airlines don't use unique plugs and sockets for differing electrical connections, like the rest of the technical world does? Can you, for example, plug a data cable into a wall outlet at home, in the office, or any place else you can think of?

J.Dunne| 12.6.10 @ 3:26PM

My Irish parents sure as h--- didn't consider themselves Britons.

Ole Sarge| 12.6.10 @ 5:55PM

Told ya.

Carol| 12.6.10 @ 4:01PM

BRAVO

Ken| 12.6.10 @ 5:31PM

Mrs. Stein you just made me laugh outloud.

RWT| 12.6.10 @ 5:37PM

While attending a Spanish class in 2004 the instructor informed us that the rest of the 'Americas' are insulted that we refer to ourselves as 'Americans' rather than the US of America. I considered that a tad touchy considering their sacrifices for world peace and combating hunger.

Ray| 12.6.10 @ 8:07PM

That's interesting that the instructor was so incensed as most other "Americans," North, Central, and South (those who live outside the US), hardly ever refer to themselves as "Americans. It always, "Canadian," Mexican" "Colombian,"" ect.

I don't think I've ever heard a Peruvian refer to themselves as an "American," have anyone else? "Mayans," maybe. "Americans," never.

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:32PM

I got that same thing from my high school Spanish teacher (from Spain) that Central/South Americans consider themselves Americans too. Baloney. They didn't back in 1970, they do not today. They refer to U.S. Americans as NorteAmericanos, and rather contemptuously, too. That takes a lot of brass, considering how many (but certainly not all) are here for the free ride (85% from Mexico).

GM Roper| 12.9.10 @ 5:40PM

I'm insulted that often commerce and official acts can't be accomplished in Most of Hispanic America without the corrupting influence of "mordida." I'm insulted that Mexico complains about United States immigration policy when their own laws are much more stringent.

And by the bye, I've started to call myself a United States-arian. Just to prove a point you know.

hookah| 12.7.10 @ 2:39AM

Speed allow closer, something so strong

Houstonian| 12.7.10 @ 5:13PM

I have heard a Peruvians refer to themselves as a "Sudamericanos". Brazil seems to think I come from a country called "Norteamerica". If I had a nickle for every time I've been called a "gringo" I'd have change for a hundred dollar bill. That word is derived from Griego (Greek) which makes no sense either. I understand that the Amish refer to outsiders as "English". People who worry too much about what other people call them need therapy.

frequent flyer| 12.9.10 @ 12:48AM

For the guy who thought the pilot should know which hole to plug what into:

Pilots aren't that smart. I worked in the Medical Dept of a major airline. We had a pilot come in to have a new communication ear plug made. He lost part of the one he had. Needed his ears irrigated before new molds could be made.
Nurse was flushing out ear, when out rolled a part of "lost" plug.

Pilot said, "Damn, so that's where it went. I looked all over the cockpit for it." He had been jamming another plug in on top of it.

Had another pilot who claimed he got lost driving from Sausalito to SFO, which was why he was late for his physical. Said he only knew where he was going when he was in the air. His defense was while SFO was his domicile, he lived in another state and flew in when scheduled to fly, so had never seen a CA freeway. And obviously was not paying attention when someone drove him to Sausalito. Or, just another inventive liar.

JCfromDC| 12.10.10 @ 6:36PM

Might I suggest that this may be caused from many, many, many years of excessive drinking. The synapses are GONE, dude!

Wes| 12.9.10 @ 3:15PM

Good job Ben!
Keep up the good work.

angee | 12.11.10 @ 11:35PM

I am sooo tired of Mr Stein talking about unemployment. Give it a rest. I should hope one day you have to use it so you can see how degrading it is to not be able to provide for yourself..no actually I dont wish that upon you but I hope you have some sort of enlightenment on this subject because I am really at the point I dont want to read your columns anymore. Grow old does make people complain.

beebop| 12.12.10 @ 5:52AM

I have been working three part time jobs in Ohio and still don't make what I would sitting on my tush. But you know what? I learned enough on those jobs to land a full time job that starts in January. So get off your butt and go to work. Learn something. Make something. Contribute something. And then you won't have time to get soooooo tired of hard working people like Ben Stein.

angee| 12.14.10 @ 1:59PM

Excuse me I have a job and I am going to college fulltime so before you make any judgements make sure you have your facts straight. I would like you to spend one year in Detroit and see if you have a job. Its virtually a ghost town

beebop| 12.15.10 @ 4:34PM

before you make any judgements make sure you have your facts straight ...

But you feel somehow justified to tell Ben to "give it a rest."

Pot and kettle doesn't even begin to cover it.

angee woodman| 12.23.10 @ 5:43PM

maybe you should have your facts straight and read Mr. Steins columns. He has commented on his hatred of unemployment in just about every column he has written in the past six months.

And news in Michigan. Unemployment rates dropped in Michigan by 3000 cases in just one week.

I guess Mr. Stein's columns of "encouragement" have motivated people to get off their lazy bums, quit eating bon bons and magically find a job to save their good names. All in one week

Or maybe just MAYBE the economy has started to turn around and theres actually work available, even flipping burgers

I love how opinions are made without being in the situation at hand.

angee woodman| 12.23.10 @ 5:55PM

and for the record, I can provide a life for myself and work hard and still have compassion for those who havent been given the opportunties that Mr. Stein has had. I have a great idea! Why dont we instead of ridiculing people about something they feel terrible about, why dont we work to solve the problem and promote for more job training,opportunities and education of the problem?! Just a thought.

QuietPro| 12.12.10 @ 10:15AM

"Let's not be Scrooge by being hard hearted to the unemployed....."

Ben, I'm quite surprised at you. 99 weeks is MORE than enough time to find a position, even one (gasp) that's lower paid..... God forbid we should ever 'lower' ourselves like that in these times. I'm sick and tired of hearing about the plight of the "99-ers". No more excuses and no more taxpayers picking up a tab they shouldn't have to anymore. Let me say that again- 99 weeks, ladies and gents. GET A JOB!

By you saying this, you are prolonging the "Gimme a fish" mentality that has gripped this nation; instead of the "Teach me to fish" principles that this country was founded on.