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The Nation's Pulse
The Lawn Mower Man
Waiting in the alley for enlightenment.
F. Scott Fitzgerald famously said the rich “are different from you and me.” It wasn’t just their great wads of cash, as Hemingway thought. It was rather that their wealth and influence enabled them to brush off life’s jabs and right crosses when the rest of us would throw in the towel.
So, too, I’ve found, are English professors different from you and me. I have known my share of doctors of philosophy, and I’ve read a great deal of their published material, and I am convinced these folks feel more deeply, think more profoundly and experience life more intimately than do we poor working stiffs.
I came across another fine example of this the other day. Never in my life had I considered mowing the lawn a mystical experience until I read an essay called “The Metaphysics of Cutting Grass.” Suddenly mundane little chores like mowing the lawn and picking up after the dog took on a transcendent aspect.
The author, an English professor at Graceland University (which is sadly in Iowa and not Memphis), discourses at length on the transformative enterprise that is mowing the lawn. Far from a commonplace task, mowing is an “applied art” and a deeply spiritual experience wherein one’s “I” meets one’s “me,” where one works a perceptible change in the “physical, out there, external reality.” I came away from this essay a little wistful over my misspent life, having stupidly mistaken 35 years of deep, meaningful experiences for mere drudgery.
I suppose that is to be expected since I am not an English professor. Only in the mind of a Ph.D. does one’s every routine activity take on great meaning and significance, whether it’s washing one’s shorts or clipping one’s toenails. Metaphysical experiences must be all English professors have when they’re not teaching our children subversive literature.
Nor is it enough to transform one’s own existence. Being an educator, the author longs to find that he has transformed his students’ lives: “Perhaps I yearn too much to hear my echo in the world. Yes, occasionally, I do hear from a former student, several years out, that something I said or did has assumed some meaning in their lives.”
Teachers are the only wage earners obsessed with assuming meaning in other people’s lives. My plumber comes over and cleans out my clogged toilet, but does he sit around wondering if his Roto-Rooting has had a profound impact on my life? I sincerely hope not. That would be creepy. And it’s not even their students’ success that concerns teachers, but their impact on their students’ success. If a student achieves anything, it is the result of his teacher’s guidance and mentoring. If a student becomes a serial killer, it is because the teacher was unable to reach him.
AN IMPORTANT aspect of the metaphysical experience seems to involve what you or I would call zoning out, but what an English Professor calls surrendering “to a mental whateverism.” This is:
a kind of watching, one step removed, the products of unwilled mental activity, products broken free of any establishing context. It’s a being willing, not a willing — a willingness to be open, not a willed effort to establish a goal against which to measure myself.
No doubt you are thinking: that is exactly what I’ve been doing when cutting the grass, but I have never been able to put it into such opaque and esoteric words! Thank God we have English professors to render our unintelligible thoughts into such transcendental prose.
I doubt I will ever achieve that level of enlightenment. When I took out the garbage this evening, I tried to experience the embodied texture of my mental experience. I stood in the alley a good five minutes, trash bag in hand, staring grimly at the Dumpster waiting to sense some kind of invisible growth. Only I felt nothing (except maybe a little foolish). Perhaps I am unworthy. Perhaps I don’t have what it takes, which is apparently a Ph.D. in literature.
True, my actions have wrought some small change in the physical, out there, external reality — after all the Dumpster is changed by the mere presence of more garbage — yet I cannot help but feel dissatisfied. While the Dumpster itself is full, my actions seem empty of any higher meaning.
But I am working on my inner self. There is an old Buddhist saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.” I must go prepare myself. The English teacher could be here any minute.
About the Author
Christopher Orlet writes from St. Louis.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (40) | Leave a comment
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Alan| 9.16.10 @ 8:09AM
The sad problem with the ivory-tower folk is their self-imposed duty to be the most empathetic, world-minded, cosmo homo sapiens who ever existed. They can’t stand not being the first apple-polisher in the class to get the profound authenticity of any working volk’s activity. Nor do they get the irony: a guy getting paid six figures and cushy pension for teaching ten hours a week and publishing one paper a year with summers off to stand around contemplating cutting the grass, simply cannot understand how it feels to the guy how just finished sweating a quart of water laying a roof to come home and try to get the d*mn grass cut before sundown so he doesn’t have to hear his wife gripe about it.
So for example you take your PhD buddy to a blues bar in Chicago because you want to have some beers and unwind your knots hearing some gut-bucket guitar. But no; he ruins the whole night by trying to prove how nobody gets better than him the profound authentic meaning of this musical expression of a people oppressed by the capitalist system (I’m not kidding – I keep some friends in the ivory tower; but I guess I need to be more careful where I take them. You want a nice argument over biscuits at Starbucks, call your ivory-tower buddy. But don’t take him fishing, hunting, or to the blues bar.)
The one bit of profundity that hits me mowing grass is the image of my mom as a young teenager cutting twenty acres of tall rye by hand with a scythe in the old country. Whereas I just have to cut a piddling quarter-acre with a motor doing the work. My ivory-tower buddy would break down and cry over his blisters if he had to scythe one acre. My mom’s non-romantic real experience with volk-work gave her a profound appreciation and love of the miraculous American system that lets you be free to build upon, and move up from, yesterday’s hard work, instead of having to give half your work to the Commissar and stay poor. Now pampered nitwits like my ivory-tower buddy (sorry, I love you man, but you are a nitwit), who spit on the hard-won freedoms my mother crossed the ocean to enjoy, are doing their level best to return us to the rule of commissars. Nobody could possibly have a more ignorant, less diverse, historically ignorant, parochial world-view than our current academia.
So you see, fuzzy little speculative PhD essays are not merely harmless tax-wasting little fluff-balls. They are part of cementing a thought-system that justifies the ever-increasing power of the ruling class. In their gut they believe they are entitled to rule your life, because they are better than you, because they understand so profoundly. Plato on steroids.
Steve| 9.16.10 @ 8:21AM
Oh no, me and my new Gumpmobile (Snapper ride-on) have been found out. I find myself agreeing with what the doc writes but don't feel his urge to share. For the sake of humanity just shut up and mow!
Patzer| 9.16.10 @ 8:32AM
I've always enjoyed mowing the lawn, but for me it's all about the internal combustion engine. For that reason, I'm also a big fan of snow throwers and pressure washers...
R Martin| 9.16.10 @ 9:02AM
I took the time to read professor DeNuccio's piece and found it little more than an exercise in wordsmithing, something which might appeal to a person who describes himself as a writer. The professor could achieve the same state of transformative order he finds appealing by combing his hair or a time for "the mull" by walking on the beach or in the woods. He uses grass cutting, because it is apparently the only time he finds himself alone to think. I'm not even sure there is much metaphysical about the piece, but I guess that is for English professors to decide.
My father's approach to grass cutting was that when I became old enough, I had to do it.
Melvin| 9.16.10 @ 9:10AM
"My plumber comes over and cleans out my clogged toilet, but does he sit around wondering if his Roto-Rooting has had a profound impact on my life?"
Being a plumber at what time in my life, I too had brief mystical thoughts of, "But where does it all go?"
Dan Hirsch| 9.16.10 @ 9:20AM
It all goes like this: The solids go to a landfill, the water goes back into the rain-river-sea-cloud cycle...where they have always gone, but now there are power tools and heavy equipment involved. Ahhh technology.
GavInTucson| 9.17.10 @ 2:24AM
Where does it all go? In a word? Down, my friend. It goes down.
GavInTucson| 9.17.10 @ 2:25AM
That's about as transcendental as I'll get at 11:30 pm.
Ted Joy| 9.16.10 @ 9:20AM
Anybody who has ever done hard physical work -- and cutting the grass, I guess, counts as such for some folks -- knows that at times it can be satisfying and enjoyable.
But what this guy does -- like most intellectuals -- is take some genuine experience and adds a lot of second- and third- and fourth-rate intellectualizing to it and turn it all into a steaming, stinking pile of crap.
Engineer Guy| 9.16.10 @ 9:47AM
@Ted Joy - hear, hear!
There is a joy in manual labor that can be most felt when it is something you don't do all the time. Much as there is a joy in a single malt scotch, when you don't do it all the time.
These things are easy to feel and, having known the experience personally, there is a sort of transference of spirit in the feel of something done well.
But why get all "zen" about it? Just shut yer yap, do your work, and enjoy the feeling of a job well done!
grant1863| 9.16.10 @ 9:48AM
At least he cuts the grass himself. I would think most professors have someone do it for them. Other than that it was drivel.
Maxwell| 9.16.10 @ 9:49AM
It has been a very long time since I have had any respect with anyone with a PhD. When I was at the University of Akron (class of '73) I had a professor Dr. Margret Paloma who tought History of Thought. I asked Dr. Paloma to explain the relevance of what was being tought to the real world of today. Her curt answer of 'that is the dumbest question I have heard, don't bother me again'. For the next hour she continued to read from her notes without looking up.
Living in Princeton I see nothing has changed with the ruling class. Just ask Paul Krugman.
f111a| 9.16.10 @ 11:22AM
As a conservative member of the Princeton Class of '60, tell me sumpthin' I don't already know! Now, my wife's ex is a PhD. in an area in which you might actually be interested. He taught ('70s) what was generally acknowledged to be the most popular music course--I understand student fought to get into the large class--at the University of Texas: "The History and Theory of Rock and Roll".
S&WM;&P| 9.16.10 @ 5:14PM
P-piled
h-higher &
d-deeper
Louis Jenkins| 9.16.10 @ 9:52AM
Cutting the grass is settling to the mind. Now what is a buster is changing the belts and putting a new engine pulley in place. Cutting the grass becomes child's play when bending your arm in ways it wasn't meant to, skinned knuckles, et al. I've read the Zen of Motorcycle Maintenance, and find it comparable to this article. Totally useless.
Stammon| 9.16.10 @ 7:52PM
I had to fight with myself to finish that book. It was so technically inaccurate that I came to believe that he had to be lying. He cannot know how to fix anything, even less a bike, if he thinks a Triumph is a better "Zen" bike than a BMW.
Most teachers can't do, and hate to be shown up with practical ability.
1966 Triumph Bonneville
1964 BMW R60/2
1968 BMW R69S mit Steib 501 seitenwagen
1962 BMW R50S
1979 BMW R1000
1984 BMW r1000 TIC
1953 BMW R50/3 mit Steib 500 seitenwagen
1969 BMW R60 US
1938 Zundapp K500W
1956 Zundapp KS601
1936 Zundapp K500
1985 Dnepr M16
And other assorted bikes, Honda, Suzuki, Moto Guzzi, Bultaco, etc, etc. At present I have four bikes, and none of them run.
The whole point is the Ivory Tower is just that, a rarefied world of Truth with a capital T and no cause and effect.
Can't use shims on a BMW, sheesh!
Petronius| 9.16.10 @ 9:55AM
Cut grass? Are you out of your suburbanite mind? I'm taking my O/U out to my club to break things. It makes me wonder why I didn't just buy the O/U and forget about college, where the only thing I learned was to tell the professor what he wanted to hear, or flunk. BTDT.
As a diversion, this number is on a par with the essay expounded by one Cosby of the question, "why is there air? Any phys ed major can tell you; to blow up volley balls and basket balls." If the prof is implying that there is little desire towards inquiry and learning, he's right. Most seek amusement over anything. He can look at his John Deere or his navel. Homer Simpson can look at his belly. It does not matter to the targets I shoot. That's what they're for.
And last: to all you English teachers: look to your true motives. Do you want your students to totally comprehend and learn to use the language? Or do you want them to understand barely enough so that they obey when they are told to jump? Like you said; "whatever."
P.Smith| 9.16.10 @ 9:56AM
I have a ten month old who will make these short little yelps in church because she too yearns to “hear my echo in the world”.
I enjoy cutting grass and I have plenty of it to cut living on two acres in the South with a long grass growing season. But it is cut as quickly as possible with a really old Yazoo YR60 (the 60 stands for 60” width of cut) in just under one hour. I call it the “mower from hell”, with the exposed spinning PTO shaft, multiple pulleys and belts just waiting for one false move on the operator’s part. The mower controls are not intuitive with the hand operated clutch/shifter, so emergences are really only handled properly with plenty of familiarity. You had better hold on for dear life when driving an old Yazoo, because it is steered and ridden from the very rear, but pivots about the drive wheels which are in the middle of the mower, so a sharp turn is like being on the edge of a merry-go-round. All in all it is a wonderful machine to behold. After I rebuild that old Wisconsin engine, I think I could do it even quicker, but as it is now, I don’t wish to stress it too much.
I wouldn’t call cutting the grass a “metaphysical experience” or “transformative” (except I guess it is transformative for the grass), I just enjoy doing productive stuff. But … if I lived the hollow life of a liberal professor, attempting to destroy the foundational beliefs of my students, and generally causing havoc to society at large, I would probably endeavor to find profound meaning in the mundane tasks that are accomplished around the house.
Matt Morehouse| 9.16.10 @ 10:26AM
Try bucking your own firewood with a chain saw then splitting it with a maul. Grass cutting is for pussies and girly men.
gearjammer| 9.16.10 @ 2:14PM
We had a huge lawn. Our house was in the middle of what was once a farm. Not exactly a putting green service. The there was that pre WW2 push mower. It was made of hard, thick maple. The gears,blades,wheels etc. of heavy steel, maybe iron. It was a beast. My father rarely oiled it. I pushed that sucker for years. I cut the grass weekly. It always grew back thick and high-I hated rain for that reason. On the positive it built up my leg drive and overall strength, so when I went out for football I was a force to be reckoned with.
Emma| 9.16.10 @ 10:52AM
And just think. The yahoos who sit around on their lawnmowers thinking like this, and then consuming who knows how much time to write it down (metaphysically and professiorily-speaking), and then have that put in a book with an outline and included in a syllabus can then charge amazing amounts to get tenured in universities to teach this kind of self-absorbed "Ah, I watch myself as I mow the lawn" stuff to kids who are, theoretically, expected to make a living after they pass the tests in his classroom.
Obviously, there's a whole class of people which has way too much time on their hands.
Gotta go empty the dishwasher and fold the clothes now. Then we're going over to the neighbors to dig up about 40 huge perennials to split and replant in our yard as we continue developing our landscaping, doing all the work ourselves. I suppose there's a doctorate in there for me somewhere.
Ray| 9.16.10 @ 10:52AM
Mowing the lawn may be a metaphysical experience for those, like this Professor, who WATCH someone else mow, but those of us who are actually performing the work find no time, or use, for metaphysical examination of our labor while making sure we cover the area completely, don't run over any potential projectiles like the small toys every child loves to hid in the lawn, and , most importantly, don't harm ourselves, or others, with what is undeniably dangerous equipment.
I know this may be hard for the Professor to understand, but actually OPERATING spinning metal blades and plastic line requires the type of concentration that doesn't allow time for any metaphysical pondering.
Ken Roberts | 9.16.10 @ 10:54AM
Is it any wonder then that our college graduates are failing to find employment, who can give a job to someone who has their head in the clouds and not based in reality . Good grades today depends on your political views or how good a liar you are . We need to get down to earth people in the teaching profession instead of some one who could not make up their minds what they wanted to be and decided to become a professor , which adds some credence to ones life I guess. drivel is what has been pumped into our children and it may take two generations to rid ourselves of the self serving attitude driven into their minds by an empty headed professor . Wasn't there a book written about reaching your level of incompetence . they were right on the mark . The professor would do well to read that book he will find him self in it many times. The professors need to stop telling every student that succumbs to left winged ideology that they do not smell or that winning is nothing , winning is everything if you don't the alternative is well, losing.
scotchieguy| 9.16.10 @ 12:54PM
For me, mowing is geometry in motion...straight, parallel lines mimicing the beauty and symmetry of the all-american lawn--that of a Major League ball park.
Mark O'Brien| 9.16.10 @ 12:55PM
I'm as conservative as they come. And I'm profoundly disdainful of academia's intolerant detachment from reality. But I must say, after reading this article and its attendant comments, I'm reminded of a comment my son's basketball coach made to the officials after an astounding number of bad calls: "You guys missed a great game." Likewise, though I'm not sure how or why, you guys missed a wonderful piece of writing.
Le Cracquere| 9.16.10 @ 7:34PM
It's a false induction made by certain conservatives: "Leftists love to fancy themselves intellectuals; ergo, intellect is for damn ivory-tower liberals." It's kind of an understandable mistake, but still a deplorable one. The worst thing about the faux-intellectualism of the left is the cover it provides to dim people who use it to dress up their cognitive limitations as yeomanly virtue.
Sugartown Super| 9.16.10 @ 1:22PM
I must admit that I have had many a zen moment whilst mowing my little piece of Heaven with that 52-inch walk-behind mower; the sweeping lines, the sweet smell of cut grass mingled with exhaust...the meditative state of...D#mn! I just hit a rock......
geokster from TX| 9.16.10 @ 1:37PM
I installed a nautical style drink holder, you know what I mean, the ones you see on a boat on gimbals, so's I don't spill my Budweiser in those tight turns. That ought to be worth at least a Masters, if not a PhD.
A liberal professor is a pure waste of good breathing air.
Jim| 9.16.10 @ 3:13PM
This article was priceless. And the attending comments not bad either.
I ride when I cut, no big deal.
OLD STEW| 9.16.10 @ 4:22PM
just came in from my backhoe.digging a trench in the rain.mud up to my ars. what a beautiful experience. my only phd friend,history at that,i recall was in a huge panic when he was worried about his college tenure.i guess it all depends on your real life experiences.me? im afraid some bureaucrat is going to interfere with my lifestyle.
Winston Whitehall| 9.16.10 @ 5:15PM
Yes, occasionally, I do hear from a former student, several years out, that something I said or did has assumed some meaning in their lives."
This guy's an English professor? He can't even put together a proper sentence. A student and "their" lives?
GavInTucson| 9.17.10 @ 2:51AM
Sorry, you missed it as well. It should have read, "...a student and their LIFE."
GavInTucson| 9.17.10 @ 2:52AM
To be more grammatically correct, it should really read, "... a student and his (or her) life."
GavInTucson| 9.17.10 @ 2:59AM
Damn, I'm painting myself into an grammatical corner.
But, hey, I'm not zoning. I'm merely succumbing to "mental whateverism." :)
CalMark| 9.16.10 @ 9:46PM
If I'd only known! I thought I was pushing a mower on scorching Michigan days to keep the wild green growth under control. All those (many, many, too many) "oneness with the Universe" opportunities wasted!
There's one way Professor Transcendent Mower, Ph.D., has it over all of us: he gets paid (probably by Federal grants, natch) to write this stuff, on "company time."
Lee| 9.16.10 @ 11:09PM
Hey! Com'on. My Dad is a PhD in Chemical Engineering, and trust me: the metaphysics of lawn mowing has never and will never cross his mind. There are some PhD's out there who actually produce useful things.
Deb| 10.1.10 @ 7:31PM
Although I find no need to wax eloquently upon the "joy of mowing," I do find a certain pleasure in this new occupation -- new because I have not lived in a place where there are real lawns for the past 24 years - (now I do) nor do I have to do it in the heat of the day. Mowing in the early evenings have been a pleasant respite from the day's worries, duties, and noise. Yes the engine is noisy, but the air is fresh and cool, and it is easier to think on more pleasant things as I go round to large yards. Although I do have a BA in lit, I have not experienced the heady atmosphere of the ivory tower in too many years...there's too much life to be lived in the little time that we have!! On the other hand, some escapism is good, right? Pitifully, mowing is the best I can do in present circumstances-except walk the dogs!