The American Spectator : Hoist the Colors!

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Hoist the Colors!

By Patrick O'Hannigan on 8.26.10 @ 6:06AM

Mosqueteers Frank Rich and Richard Cohen take their turn at playing Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End was a big-budget example of scriptwriting by committee, and many of the people involved in making it should have walked the plank. Nevertheless, that 2007 film and the franchise of which it is the third part can shed surprising light on why some pundits want the rest of us to welcome a new mosque near where the World Trade Center used to be.

Supporters of the Cordoba House/Park51 project have been as extravagant as the producers of the "Pirates" movies; neither group hesitates to go over the top. On the one hand, pundits like Richard Cohen drop anchor in the currents of public discourse muttering blithe absurdities like "if you do not believe the attacks of September 11, 2001 were launched by an entire religion," then "you have a moral duty to support the creation of the Islamic center" precisely where Imam Rauf and his wife want to build it.

On the other hand, some goofball decided that because the rivalry between two pirate captains was entertaining, it couldn't hurt to add seven more captains to the mix. A flotilla of fanciful ideas followed: writing a parrot into a pirate movie was too easy, so a Capuchin monkey did most of the sight gags. (In fairness, Capuchin monkeys have also worked with actors in other movies, and a writer for the Washington Times recently noted that Al Gore "blamed everyone and their monkey for the failure of Congress to pass comprehensive climate legislation.")

Hefty as it is, the animal budget in the Pirates movies looks small next to the special effects budget. "Going to Davy Jones' locker" used to be an idiom for drowning at sea, but a visual like that doesn't pop, so studio execs turned Davy Jones into a tentacle-faced enforcer with a soft spot for a sea nymph from the West Indies.

The mania for supercharging a narrative beyond its effective carrying capacity also afflicts Cordoba House defenders who paint project opponents as bigoted, shortsighted, and parochial, because no single slander applies to all the bilge rats in what the Condescending Class thinks is a field guide to the American Right.

New York City already has a hundred mosques, yet the Muslim population in the financial district is under-served, we're told, and so a factory damaged in the attacks of September 11, 2001 would be the ideal spot for a new mosque built by a "moderate" imam -- and don't worry about the only-when-discussing-Islam meaning of "moderate," me hearties, because if you do worry, you're "fear-mongering."

Although commentators like Nick Kristof, Frank Rich, Richard Cohen, Kathleen Parker, and Mark Halperin lament different failures of understanding, all of them are "mosqueteers" writing for mainstream publications; all of them think it reflects badly on the American character to oppose Imam Rauf and his planned development. This attitude forgets the Gadsden ("Don't Tread on Me") Flag and the reason why the Marines' Hymn refers to the "shores of Tripoli." It also reminds me of a scene in Pirates 3 where two captains want to command the same ship, and neither man will yield to the other. Instead, the pirates echo each other while barking identical orders at the crew. "What are YOU doing?!" asks Captain Sparrow, with his kohl-rimmed eyes flashing indignation. Even the do-rag on his head looks offended. But Captain Barbossa -- bigger, hairier, and altogether more pirate-like -- will not be intimidated. Glaring at Captain Sparrow from under a floppy felt hat that would turn a less confident man into a dandy, Barbossa applies classical pirate emphasis to the verb in the same question when he roars "No, what ARRR you doing?!" right back.

Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush were the actors hamming it up in that scene; Frank Rich and Richard Cohen are the pundits emulating them while they write now about the mosque controversy (and it is that according even to the wife of the imam; spare me the new line about how a "mosque-mosque" isn't the same as a prayer room in a 15-story community center). Rich played the "Islamophobia" card, little knowing that Christopher Hitchens would destroy that silly diagnosis faster than Jack Sparrow munches on a stray peanut. Not to be outdone, Cohen thunders against what he calls "the pornography of analogy" and suggests that moving the mosque complex farther away from the 9/11 debris field is an idea that could only be embraced by cheese-eating surrender monkeys. Cohen's exasperation sounds cinematic, as anyone who remembers "Parley? Damn to the depths whatever man what thought of ‘parley'!" and Captain Sparrow's witty reply, "That would be the French!" could tell you. Moreover, Cohen's argument, such as it is, suffers from a clumsy bow toward moral equivalence. "I am a Jew," he writes, "but do not judge me by Baruch Goldstein, who in 1994 murdered 29 Muslims in Hebron."

What Cohen does not understand is that only a lunatic would compare him to Baruch Goldstein because no mainstream school of Talmudic thought condones murder, but there is no double standard because the same cannot be said of the Koran and its high-profile interpreters. In other words, belay that critique, Mr. Cohen. We'll be setting a new course, because it's not Jews who agitate against something as removed from religion as Greenwich Mean Time; it's Muslims.

That's why when people who fret needlessly about "anti-Muslim backlash" and have no problem with current plans for "Park51" vilify those of us keeping a weather eye on those plans, it's time to hoist the colors. "Stop fomenting discord," they demand (sometimes from the Oval Office), only we're not the ones fomenting discord. There is no hate here. This, my lefty friends -- this -- is freedom of speech. As for keeping silence in the matter, Captain Barbossa's reply to a proposal from Elizabeth Swann speaks also for me, to wit, "I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means ‘no.'" Savvy?

About the Author

Patrick O'Hannigan is a writer in North Carolina.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (16) | Leave a comment

Stuart Koehl| 8.26.10 @ 6:50AM

Militant Islam = "Death to America!"
Moderate Islam = "Serious pain to America!"
Liberal Islam = "Wedgies to America!"

Charles Martel| 8.26.10 @ 2:31PM

That uses "militant" and "moderate" as the mohammedans themselves might define them. In point of fact, however, militancy, moderation, and liberalism manifest themselves more accurately as follows.

"Militant" = observant.
"Moderate" = lapsed.
"Liberal" = apostate.

Those in the second category are occasionally killed as collateral damage, if not primary targets, by those in the first, while those in the third are subject to fatwas authorizing that they be killed on sight.

+++

Appleby| 8.26.10 @ 7:17AM

This is what you get when the viewpoint of the Screaming Class has been reduced to a two inch square between their thumbs. Everything they do, say, think and believe is Made in Cyberspace and turned into a YouTube Video.

There are millions of people in America who no longer recognize the Personal Presence of human people, and cannot operate without a script. The worrisome part of that is the undeniable fact that everything they believe they are inventing is so derivative, and they are far too stupid to realize where their Masters got their material.

Read Isaac Asimovs book *The Naked Sun*, written in the Fifties, to see what happens to a world where everything is conducted by Video.

Read *Brave New World* to find out where this came from, particularly the lecture of Mustapha Mond to John Savage.

If you cannot read or pay attention, both these books are available in audio format. I am not sure if LeapFrog has made a version you can sweep with an electronic wand.

Louis Jenkins| 8.26.10 @ 9:04AM

Abdoul Rauf will be the greatest Inman in all of Islam if he can get this mosque built. A place were 2,700 people were killed by Muslim terrorists, and a mosque on site too, it will be fantastic for the world of Islam. Rauf will be elevated to the top of the dog pile. But it will be a slap in the face of America. Do not support the mosque.

Joe D.| 8.26.10 @ 9:36AM

Very Good, Stuart!!! You are right on target.

R Martin| 8.26.10 @ 9:37AM

Mr. O'Hannigan, that was a perceptive, creative and entertaining piece. You deserve the appelation, writer.

Petronius| 8.26.10 @ 10:45AM

Why be so bloody verbose? Nobody has to drop $15 to watch a lousy flick. But only those of us who have sufficient portfolio get to choose our neighbors. NYC can rot. Let's see what happens to Imam Rauf when he tries to open a mosque in Branson.

loulou| 8.26.10 @ 12:33PM

Don't be so confident, Petronius.
The imams are opening a mega mosque in Tennessee!

norcal | 8.26.10 @ 2:05PM

If you want to put a wrench in the works find a small building or office space next to the mosque and apply for a permit to open a dog kennel or dog grooming business. It worked out here.

Dixie Pixie| 8.26.10 @ 8:33PM

Why not go for broke.

Set up a hog farm next door and as a good neighbor gesture give the grass around the Mosque a generous dose of organic fertilizer.

Keep applying until tall grass covers the entire area.
The Goddess Gaia of Liberalism would demand no less.

Anthony A| 8.26.10 @ 4:06PM

Remember Petronius, the abortionists took over NY and California first and now the whole country worships at the altar of child sacrifice.

canuckistani| 8.26.10 @ 2:04PM

Everyone bitches about the burgeoning muslim population in the US, and noone has suggested co-opting their votes. Why not?
The northern Dems figured out how to co-opt the black vote and now they enjoy an 8-10% voting bloc without having to do much campaigning each cycle. Hispanics are next to be co-opted and the GOP is shooting themselves in the head, again. The diminishing returns of relying on white males to get you first past the post will start to accelerate at time goes by.
As muslim voting patterns become better understood, the major parties better figure out how to co-opt them into their folds. Their numbers already exceed the Jewish vote, although still trailing their money share, they will catch up. It's numbers.
The one difference between Christian and Islamic principle is forgive, but never forget....they will have long memories of this episode.

dw| 8.26.10 @ 4:30PM

The terrorist who contributed to the 93 bombing at the WTC were recruited in mosque in around New York and New Jersey. And we should go ahead and just blindly trust them to do right. No Thanks lefties, if we were only risking you and your loved ones lives on that it would be different, but unfortunately the damage will not be limited to only the lame brains.

Dixie Pixie| 8.26.10 @ 8:18PM

Cognitive Dissonant is often a source of humor in a movie. A fine example is Johnny Depp's portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow. However in Cordoba Mosque controversy, Cognitive Dissonant has become a permanent state of Liberal existence. I have not seen anyone laughing yet.

Consider the Liberals most sacrosanct and adamantine principles are in direct conflict with Islamic principles. If both Liberalism and Islam believes in its core principles then they should be in constant mortal combat. Yet both combined to steamroller the public.

To my astonishment, the Liberal Elite jettisoned all their principals in favor of a religion which stone or behead them for acts liberals consider normal behavior.

By doing so in the name of “Freedom of Religion” is to take Cognitive Dissonant to a brand new level as Liberalism has been pushing out any hint of Religion from the public square for decades. Has the Left left sanity behind.

Another Question, when did the Liberal Elites deep-six the concept of “Majority Rule” and “Service to the Public” in favor of “The Public serves the Government”. Did I miss a national referendum to flip the relationship between the Government and Public 180 degrees.

Yosemeti Sam| 8.27.10 @ 12:06AM

Um, what country would sell them - the Cordobaites - the STEEL to build that buildings' skeleton structure?

Nate W.| 8.28.10 @ 4:03PM

Though I do think the mosque controversy should be a big issue in America, I think, in the long run, it won't be built. (i.e. N.Y. union members refusing to work on the site, lack of funding, etc.)
I'm just wondering; What other liberal agenda-items are we missing in the media spotlight while this distraction continues to be front-page news?