The American Spectator : Have Gun, Will Travel

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Have Gun, Will Travel

By Ben Stein from the July 2010 - August 2010 issue

Our gun-owning Diarist loads up in our Summer issue.

(Page 2 of 5)

The police made a cursory search of the house and then one of the policemen, eyes wide with discovery, suggested that maybe because this was such an old house, that was the cause of the knocking. He looked at me meaningfully.

“You mean it’s haunted?” I asked.

“I didn’t say that,” he said. “You said that.” But he made a sort of nod.

I told you this was some day. The police left. My wife went back to her bedroom. Neither dog had done anything but idle barking. I slept the rest of the night with my S & W right next to me. Loaded. Ready.

I love my gun. Don’t like it. LOVE IT.

WEDNESDAY

I am so busy i cannot believe I am still alive. I feel as if this stress and fatigue should kill me if there were any sense in the world. Today, I had a recording of a commentary for CBS, then a mad rush out to Malibu for more photos for the “Ben Stein’s Los Angeles” layout. It was so beautiful in Malibu it was hard to believe. Just perfect. Really, truly perfect. Crisp, warm, breezy, rich blue sky. Just glorious.

But I had to rush right back to be on Larry King to talk about the oil spill with a Democrat congressman named Alan Grayson.

A few thoughts on the oil spill:

1. No one, obviously, is sorrier about it than the oil producer, BP, and the rig operator, Transocean. If the heads of those companies could go back in time and have it never happen, they would do anything to do so.

2. It was ambitious to operate in such deep water, with no safety net, but the world and the nation were clamoring for oil. The government said, “Go for it,” and BP and Transocean went for it. Did they ignore warning signs that a giant event was bubbling below the surface? Maybe. If so, they will grievously answer for their ambition.

3. If mistakes were made, they were made by a few dozen people at BP and Transocean and a few bureaucrats. The energy business employs several million men and women. They have done nothing wrong at all. No point in blaming them for anything at all. They are just doing what we want them to do: getting us oil and gas. The stockholders of BP and Transocean have done nothing wrong. They had no clue what was going on under that drilling platform. It seems wrong to punish people who merely wanted to provide for their retirement for a seismic hydrocarbon event that may have been so drastic that it constitutes an act of God.

4. Finger pointing does no good whatsoever. No one wants to get this thing capped and stopped more than BP and Transocean. Let’s encourage them and not distract and torment them. There will be plenty of time for lawsuits. What we need now is action on the seabed, and that is not a job for lawyers.

5. This is not Mr. Obama’s fault. I am not a fan of his, but he isn’t Superman. He cannot be expected to swim down to the leak and seal it with his super powers. If he’s smart, he will be part of the effort to fix it, not part of the effort to drag out the tumbrels and guillotines.

There.

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About the Author

Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (60) | Leave a comment Leave a comment

Mimi| 8.16.10 @ 7:54AM

THANKS BEN: What a wonderful piece of writing!! You have brought us from our every day, normal lives...going about our business of life
to a wakening of the tender pain of sacrifice of those who give the ultimate to keep the flame of liberty. A touching article and gratitude to you, for turning a bright light on our minds and deep awareness of those we owe so much.

G. I. Joe| 8.16.10 @ 10:12AM

Ben and His Big Gun

Ride,
He used to jump his horse and ride,
He had a six-gun at his side,
He was so handsome women cried
And he got shot, but he didn't die.

Ben, old buddy, I'd like to see your big gun, but I believe mine is bigger. And by the way, I get a kick out of your self- aggrandizing posts. Self -aggrandizement? Man, you know how to make it rip.

Keep 'em coming, old man. Love to start the day with a smile on my face. Too funny!

Waymond C. Neal| 8.19.10 @ 5:12PM

Ben Stein is, and has always been, a shining beacon and a national treasure. May he continue to be so, and may decent and intelligent folks continue to appreciate him.

S.L. Toddard| 8.22.10 @ 10:16AM

"They are determined to destroy multicultural, free America"

Brave Ben Stein - stalwart defender of "multicultural" America, which - after the genocide waged by the Hollywood-New York Left of which Ben is a part - has replaced the real, Anglo, Western-European America.

Ret. Marine| 8.16.10 @ 7:56AM

Thank you Benn for your kind and honest words regarding our "Shining Stars". I wish and often pray for the day that all wars are relagated to the human suffering history books. It would be fitting to reconize the works they do every day, that of our service members. But those whom have never felt the sting of a bullet wizing by in the heat of a battle will never really know what those of have witnessed regarding the uglyness of war. Life is indeed very fragil. Some of us out here suffer for many years after that sting, we suffer at the loss of our fellow friends, suffer in ways that is very hard to reconize let alone, realize. We suffer from the wounds we suffered, in this world listening to those who never felt this sting, or have the scars to remind us of those days, becuase they think our duty, pride and patriotism is something not worth the while to reconize or recommend that they in fact need us to preserve these freedoms they take for granted. I feel sorry for those that defile those who gave their all to protect their sorry asses and they will never understand the word Patriot. These are the lost souls to the likes of the devil himself. They will never see the reward We see from a grateful Nation. Hell, at the present time, we have a so-called leader of these fine patriots who willingly misses every opportunity to reconize and see them in their days of suffering and healing from the wounds they recieved to keep his sorry muslim ass safe. This man is nothing but a real cl-ass punk, getto style. While may apologize for these harsh words to those who read them, I will not back away from the feeling I have for this pretender, fraud, liar and snake-oil salesman, commonly known as the "won". I may respect the Office of the Presidency, I have nothing but disdane for this punk, he's not a man, he's my moral enemy.

Louis Jenkins| 8.16.10 @ 9:11AM

Dear Mr. Stein:

As a man of much wealth, I'd suggest you buy another weapon. While you can write about the troops over seas, bless them all, you need to take care of business at home. The wheel gun is great, but I'd get a 45 cal., or a Glock in the 40 cal. configuration. Learn how to shoot it, and have your wifey take lessons too. Don't waste another minute. Crusing about the nation appearing on one talk show or another is a hoot, but when the rubber meets the road you want all the rubber you can afford, regardless of whether or not Obama is just another human being.

LiveFreeOrDie| 8.17.10 @ 5:01PM

Revolvers never jam, keep the wheel gun Ben.

Citzen-Comrade| 8.19.10 @ 5:40PM

I got a wheel gun, Colt Diamondback in .38. I've also got a semi-auto in .40 Smith and it never jams. If your's does then i would suggest it may be operator error.

Citizen-Comrade| 8.19.10 @ 5:45PM

I misspelled my own name, duh! Citizen-Comrade. Citizen-Comrade. By the way my semi-auto is a Smith & Wesson M & P.

kel| 8.20.10 @ 8:48PM

There is a reason they still make revolvers. For certain applications, as in perhaps Mr. Steins, it is appropriate.

I am what some would call a "gun nut," I have several very good autoloaders, but I carry either a full sized revolver or a subnose, and they serve as my "bedside table" guns as well.

If I were a cop, going into battle, or military, I would go for an autoloader. But for my applications, give me "six for sure" with no safeties, no worrying if one is in the chamber or not, etc, and the ultimate in simplicity in a "point and shoot" interface of a revolver.

Bill| 8.16.10 @ 9:14AM

I bet you would like a Colt better than a Smith and Wesson. Permit me to recommend the M1911 if you prefer semi-auto, or the Python for true class in a revolver.

Ole Sarge| 8.16.10 @ 9:14AM

Mr. Stein, I enjoy reading these snippets of your life, if only to know that not everyone in the rarefied levels you circulate are anti-patriots.

My son is in Afghanistan right now, and forever changed in a way neither is father or I ever were in our combined 45 years of military service to this nation.

I'm not sure too many people at Mr. Stein's level "get that" from years of reading Mr. Stein's columns, he does. He does get it.

dw| 8.16.10 @ 7:54PM

Thanks to you and your son and all the true sons and daughters of America.

Jackie Thompson| 8.16.10 @ 9:33AM

Mr. Stein, I so enjoy reading your "diary" pieces. I love your common sense approach to politics and current events as well as your glimpse into the good and bad playing out on the world stage. Thank you for your words about our military families and how much we all owe them. My personal favorite self-defense weapon is a Kimber .45.

Maxwell| 8.16.10 @ 9:41AM

I too second a 45ACP as the go to firearm. Look at either a Les Baer or a Wilson Combat. Both are excellant. And of course a school to make sure you are up to speed for home defense.

geokster| 8.16.10 @ 9:41AM

As a veteran I can only say thank you for recognizing so beautifully the debt all Americans owe to the men and women who serve in uniform.

geokster| 8.16.10 @ 9:46AM

and yeah,,, go with a semi-auto in a caliber that starts with the number .4,,, mostly because they don't make one that starts with the number .5

I have a 9mm that I like, but I love my old 1911A1 Colt.

Bill| 8.17.10 @ 9:15AM

Well, there IS the Desert Eagle semi-auto .50 pistol, and Ben Stein can afford it to boot. Not to mention that he'd be buying Israeli...

Believer| 8.17.10 @ 9:40PM

Hey geokster- Give a .22 pistol anytime because if you miss they dont blow massive holes in your walls and dont take out your neibors as well. Plus at the sound of the first shot the entruder starts running, and for 20.00 bucks you can shoot all day. Just me and my little ole .22

Believer| 8.17.10 @ 9:42PM

Correction that should say Give me a .22

unclePaulie| 8.16.10 @ 9:58AM

To everyone who's ever shouldered a rifle and stood a post so that I can teach computer classes without fear of being beheaded or stoned to death, I salute you.

And Ben, I have always included you in every programming class I teach, using the "Bueller" program I have created. Thank YOU sir, for reminding the creeps out there that even mild mannered bespectacled gents such as ourselves can also be a-packin'

Margie| 8.16.10 @ 10:32AM

"All gave some. Some gave all."

"Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Jn. 15:13.

Thanks and prayers to all who serve, and have served our great nation, and for their families.
God bless America.

Humphrey Dumfries| 8.16.10 @ 10:35AM

shtarker:
a stout fellow; a strong person

JimH| 8.16.10 @ 3:40PM

In Yiddish the word has other connotations. More like a goon or hired muscle.

Bill| 8.17.10 @ 9:19AM

May I suggest the term "mensch?"

Petronius| 8.16.10 @ 11:09AM

Ditto in praise for the troops. But we can do without the maundering about "those parasites on Wall St."
What the public needs to be told about them is that they are moving their money out of this country in anticipation of confiscation. The corporate chiefs who are not in with the Demoncrats are divesting and distributing their assets among family members via foreign financial entities along with plans to decamp when the Feds take over their businesses.
I enjoy Ben's columns and he's mostly spot on. But he is behind the curve by maintaining losing positions. Conservatives have been leaving California in their dust for years. And staying in that cesspit of cinesewage, nihilism, and fauxcialism makes no sense regardless of one's portfolio. Meanwhile, Ben needs to spend more hours at the range if there are any left that the californicating ecoweenies haven't used the courts to shut down. One last thing, Ben. Buy another sidearm with extra clips.

jwmatney| 8.16.10 @ 1:34PM

I always enjoy reading Ben's diaries and articles. His support for the US military has been consistent and unwavering. I get really annoyed listening to people who can't imagine being in the military or having a relative serve in the military tell me that they "support the people serving in the military." What a joke these people are. They wouldn't stoop to buying a cup of coffee for a Marine, soldier or sailor. I'm not perfect, sometimes I could do more and I don't. I need to work on that.

U.S. Navy
1974-1978

RCV| 8.16.10 @ 1:42PM

Thanks, Ben, for your beautiful writing and your words of tribute to our brave men and women in uniform.

mames| 8.16.10 @ 2:05PM

I can't imagine Ben Stein cominmg out of any other country. With your plethora of ways to earn a buck you show us all the value of freedom and the closest thing the secular world has to the sacred, the USA, a Constitutionally Limited Republic. Kiss the wifey and the dog for us:)

Rich Rostrom| 8.16.10 @ 3:08PM

Ben: Of course the heads of BP and Transocean regret the accident, and wish they could undo it. So does every drunk driver after causing a fatal accident.

But like the drunk, BP and Transocean did things they were not supposed to do, that people told them not to do, that could lead to such an accident. It didn't strike from heaven like a bolt of lightning.

They did things which contributed to the accident to save time and money. The supervisors on the rig did them because their managers told them they wanted to cut costs, and didn't insist on safety. Some things were done because the decision makers were incompetent and didn't know what they were doing. The managers who hired these incompetents should answer for that.

And the higher-level managers are responsible for the faults of the lower-level managers.

Responsibility flows up, and the buck stops on the boss's desk.

This applies on the government side too. The US Minerals Management Service wasn't inspecting rigs as much as needed because it was busy promoting "renewable energy", as directed by the Obama Administration. (Slack inspection and cosiness with industry was a problem partly inherited from Bush; but Obama let the clean-up slide while MMS worked overtime on offshore wind power.)

There is also evidence that the collapse and spill were not due to the original explosion and fire, but to the bungled Coast Guard response. The Coast Guard didn't have anyone in charge of firefighting for many hours after the accident, nor any preparation for organizing the response and ensuring the correct procedures were followed. For the first several hours, the fire was fought by miscellaneous vessels that showed up and sprayed water into the flames - which may have run into ballast tanks, unbalancing the rig and causing the breakup.

That too is Obama's responsibility.

Finally there are the obvious errors in the response to the spill: the ban on foreign-flag oil skimmers, the refusal to use dispersants, the failure to get available booms deployed. All on Obama's watch.

If no one points fingers at the people whose mistakes and derelictions caused a disaster, then others with similar responsibilities will be just as slack, and there will be more disasters that could have been avoided.

geokster| 8.16.10 @ 3:37PM

Take it from someone who knows, a mistake on an oil well usually cost lives and a hell-of-a-lot of money. No one I know in the business would willingly commit such an act. What happened with the BP rig was a disaster, no doubt, but it was an accident, not intentional neglect.

No need for a witch hunt here.

L. Ross| 8.16.10 @ 3:50PM

As an Air Force accident investigator, I appreciate what you are saying here. No sabotage was purposefully done to the rig. There were no criminal acts. However, a thorough investigation will allow investigators to follow the "error chain" from start to finish. I guarantee there were many, many opportunities to prevent this disaster in the Gulf, and by studying the accident, procedures and regulations can be changed to minimize the chances of a repeat performance. So while I'm not calling for a witch hunt, I do recommend a thorough investigation with the application of lessons learned to the entire industry.

geokster| 8.16.10 @ 4:28PM

While I don't disagree with your comment entirely, I will only tell you that thousands of off-shore wells have already been drilled without a problem. We know how to do it.

In the case of the Deepwater Horizon accident it appears to me, (standing back and crossing arms in a professorial manner), that drilling mud weights were miscalculated. Much heavier mud would have prevented a blowout.
Drilling deep holes involves the use of heavy drill collar weight to balance the flotation properties of the drilling fluid itself. Making lighter the weight of the fluids increases the effectiveness of the drill in progress. Sometimes when you are measuring progress in terms of mere; "feet per hour", it makes sense to thin the mud to make the drill heavier, all of this takes enormous power from above. I have personally supervised many wells where we were making 3 foot per hour and I thinned the mud and got an improved drill rate to 7 foot per hour. It's a cost vs. benefits question.

It's often an engineer's call, if he's right he's a hero, if he's wrong he's toast.

Jim O'Brien| 8.16.10 @ 3:54PM

"The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed." Everyone who is eligible should buy a gun and learn how to use it. If you already own one, buy another and more ammunition. The sales figures will send a clear message to the Demo-Socialists and other crooks.

I keep a loaded pistol next to my bed every night in case of a home invasion. In Florida we have the "castle" rule, which in general means if someone breaks into my house I can shoot him without fear of prosecution. In fact, after having to call the police due to an attempted break-in (no shooting involved since the criminal wisely ran away), they recommended that I buy a shotgun. It's easier to hit the target (but it messes up the walls).

W.L. Barton| 8.16.10 @ 3:58PM

So glad you informed us of the race of the 2 cops.
Glad a Jew let us know a black and white cop came, shows diversity at work.
Stein the Mammon worshipper keeps race at the forefront of all that is his essence.
And WOW!, thanks for telling us how butch you are with your Glocks, though i like my Beretta 92F, with silver tipped hollow points.

Bill| 8.17.10 @ 9:17AM

Nine mm. is for weenies!

W.L. Barton| 8.18.10 @ 12:32PM

You must be one of those little dick, punk high school Harry scum.
It ain't the gun, it is the accuracy, and i am sure your Mommu has to wipe around the toilet 3 times a day.

john| 8.16.10 @ 5:08PM

Well said!

Colin Foy| 8.16.10 @ 6:25PM

GOD BLESS BEN STEIN! Teacher, mentor, philosopher, always logical, reasonable, brilliant, and IMHO, a national treasure.

wheedle| 8.16.10 @ 7:48PM

Ben is a fine actor and amusing writer, but he should reframe from giving economic advice. A lot of people lost their entire nest egg's because of talking heads that gave opinions rather than sound economic advice. My 2 cents.

Search,,,,peter schiff was right on youtube,,,.

Brian A| 8.23.10 @ 3:17PM

Huh? reframe? reframe? Don't do it Ben!

dw| 8.16.10 @ 8:00PM

So Ben, use your gun on the unemployed.

Christopher West| 8.16.10 @ 8:33PM

Mr. Stein -

As a 19-year Navy man, I want to thank you for your thoughts, your prayers, and your patriotism. God bless you, Sir.

Angee Woodman| 8.16.10 @ 10:27PM

Dear Mr Stein,

Im sorry but I dont agree with your views on the oil spill. We in Michigan just had our own personal oil spill in a river about20 minutes from my home. While I understand things happen, nothing could be more devasting then seeing life ruined in the beautiful scenery called home. We cant fishor boat or experience wild life because a certain company who I dont wish to name didnt take precautions. Sometimes things happen but just as anything in life we have to take responsibility for what we do and dont do.

I do however never get tired of reading your thoughts on the military. Unfortunately my military career was cut short but while I was in, I grew immensely grateful for those who sacrificed so much.

Youre awesome my man Keep it UP!

Osamas Pajamas| 8.17.10 @ 12:58AM

My wife lost a cousin fighting the Russians and their collaborators before the Russians quit Afghanistan, and she lost another cousin in Iraq, who fell to a sniper, in late 2007. Both were braver men than I've ever been and braver than I'm ever likely to be. I'll say this, they died for a good cause which is now being poisoned from the top --- for a free and prosperous America...

Stephen | 8.17.10 @ 1:14AM

More on that knock! knock! knocking when time permits, please...

ironhorzmn| 8.17.10 @ 5:11AM

I firmly believe in the value of the 12-ga shotgun for home defense.

Handguns are good but no handgun caliber can reliably stop every bad guy.

No one I know of has ever kept coming after taking a load of 00 buck or number four pellets....assuming he didn't run for the hills after hearing that terrifying sound of the shotgun chambering a round.

It's kind of like hearing the warning a rattlesnake gives about 1.5 seconds before he strikes.

Oh, and Mr Barton: You're an ignorant cretin.

Bill| 8.17.10 @ 9:21AM

Agreed, on the value of the 12-gauge. And the pellets are much less likely to go through your walls and enter your neighbor's house, either.

But if one insists on a handgun, there are always Glaser safety slugs.

Gerald Stephens| 8.17.10 @ 3:35PM

"LOVE IT"

Each one an absolute masterwork of creativity and artistic beauty.

W.L. Barton| 8.18.10 @ 12:45PM

oh paperwhoresum, i am terribly hurt. sounds like you live in the middle school boys locker room.
My Model 550 Mossberg, with ribcage guard, loaded with 8 Corbon 00 aught buck and chambered. My home defense is ready for all terrorist, be it the Mcveigh types (whom i hope the authorites are watching, since you psychos are dangerous) all over this cesspool blog, and any raghead terrorist from abroad.

Brian A| 8.23.10 @ 4:02PM

Has anyone noticed that W. L. seems to be pre-occupied with toilets, cesspools, scum, wiping, dick-dimension, school kids and whores. I can't help but suspect that he gets all his inspiration for his posting while he is sitting on his personal white porcelain throne playing with his Beretta 92F with silver tipped hollow points.
Personally guys, i keep a 22 page hard cover manual next to my bed loaded with swell advice on how to convince a 2 in the morming house invader (wearing a mask - and drooling at my wife in bed next to me) to settle for a cool beer and a rain-check. A politically correct liberal neighbor gave it to me.

RiverKing| 8.19.10 @ 2:36PM

Ben: Allow this Vietnam veteran to second your father-in-law's 'basic truth: "We in the Army hate war the most of anyone. We're the ones who get killed." '.

You have never met more committed pacifists than professional soldiers. We always referred to war as "earning our salary the hard way".

S&W M&P| 8.19.10 @ 11:56PM

Name says it all...

S.L. Toddard| 8.22.10 @ 10:11AM

"he was missed by the Young Communist League in Brooklyn. He was a shtarker in the YCL long ago before he became a multi-millionaire entrepreneur. Then he was a big supporter of Reagan and Bush 41"

What do you know - another New York-born Trotskyite in cahoots with Showbiz Stein.

convert djvu to pdf | 11.9.10 @ 10:34PM

thank you for sharing the pist

Carolyn| 11.24.10 @ 11:39PM

You need a Beretta.
I enjoy reading your writing, and how well and simply you express yourself. Erudite you are, but when it comes to putting it out there, your prose is eloquent, but simple.
On behalf of my husband who spent 22 years in the military, 'You're welcome. It was a privilege to serve.'

DVD to iPhone 4 Mac | 1.4.11 @ 4:38AM

l like the space.support.
thank you.

charles wick| 4.15.11 @ 8:42AM

Wonderful,Ben

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