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In Memoriam
Losing Amber
Those of us who loved her will never get over it.
About twenty years ago, more or less, when I first started spending time in North Idaho, I hired a young woman named Amber Coffman to be my son’s babysitter. She was a beautiful, kindly student at Sandpoint High School, as sweet hearted and attentive to our son Tommy as I could have wished.
She had violet blue eyes that just shone any time night or day. They were almost extraterrestrial.
We became friends and I stayed in touch with her as she grew up, always cheerful, always full of ideas, always glowing with those luminous violet eyes.
She was interested in nutrition and in beauty treatments. She studied in California and in Hawaii, then came back to little, charming Sandpoint to run a spa and then to own her own spa.
She was always as devoted to our son as she could be, always inquisitive about him, and always had those spectacular eyes. Three years ago, she married a young man in what was a big event for Sandpoint. They were luminously happy in their house on the Pendoreille River and in their speedboat.
I saw Amber and her father on July 3, just before fireworks were starting here. (For some reason they had them on July 3. I don’t know why. ) She was as bubbly and effervescent as ever, the soul of happy, endlessly optimistic youth. We had a long and wonderful visit and I took photos of her and her father.
A couple of hours later, Amber and her husband watched the fireworks from their boat, then took the boat towards their home. Then they got a call from a friend with boat problems and they sped back — far too fast — to help their friend.
In the dark, Amber and her husband Darby crashed into cross beams supporting the immense highway bridge here. They were killed instantly.
It was pure loss. Just thinking about those young lives and those spectacular eyes extinguished on this earth because of an accident that never had to happen brings me to my knees. Those of us who loved her will never get over it.
Young people. Old people. Life is incredibly fragile. In a car. In a boat. Anywhere. Life is fragile. Please take care. Life is fragile and when you leave, you leave behind broken hearts.
Hart Crane, one of the greatest of twentieth century American poets, put it well. (I am paraphrasing.)
O brilliant kids,
Frisk with your dog,
And fondle your shells and sticks,
Bleached by time and the elements,
But there is a line you must not cross,
Nor trust spry cordage of your bodies
Too lichen faithful
To too wide a breast.
The bottom of the sea is cruel.
God bless you, beautiful, luminous Amber.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (34) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Ben Stein
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http://spectator.org/archives/2010/07/26/losing-amber
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DonDuke | 7.26.10 @ 8:37AM
A very touching article Mr. Stein. Amber must have been a very special person.
JeannieB| 7.26.10 @ 10:05AM
Mr. Stein, I am so sorry to learn of this loss. Your article about Amber is a beautiful tribute.
Michael| 7.26.10 @ 10:53AM
Don't change a line. It's beautiful.
Seek| 7.26.10 @ 11:15AM
The sheer injustice of this overwhelms me. This kind of tragedy could have happened to me any number of times.
Life is fragile. Cherish every moment. Today will be gone soon enough.
Bill Norman| 7.26.10 @ 11:48AM
Tragedy in its purest form. I am very sorry for you Mr. Stein and for the families' losses and the loss of these fantastic futures.
Mark| 7.26.10 @ 6:13PM
Mr. Stein,
I don't know you. I didn't know Amber. But I'm moved, nevertheless. Thank you for sharing the story and your reminder of life's fragility.
In condolence, I offer this from Robert Frost. I suspect you know it well:
Nothing Gold Can Stay
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
cclusn| 7.26.10 @ 6:55PM
It would be nice if every tragic loss of life were memorialized as eloquently as Mr. Stein's kind and powerful words.
Glenn| 7.26.10 @ 9:35PM
Thank you very much Mr. Stein...as a friend of Amber's and Darby's and resident of Sandpoint that was a fantastic tribute. Thanks for all of us that love them.
m, ruthenstein| 7.26.10 @ 9:39PM
Dear Ben Stein, sorry for your loss.
P.S. You do a lousy impression of Garrison Keillor.
ENOUGH ROPE| 7.27.10 @ 3:50AM
Ah gee. Does your PS assuage Ben's grief or the grief of the ones whose loves are lost? I believe that you can do better, and are better, than that.
Peace be with you M.R.
Justin W. Schuck| 7.26.10 @ 10:15PM
Thank you for the kind words. I was on the boat Amber and Darby were coming to help. I will always think of Darby and Amber when the fireworks bring happiness to our evening on (or near) the 4th of July. Cheers Ben!
Tondaleo| 7.26.10 @ 10:38PM
I'm reminded of a verse fron the great Ogden Nash:
When I remember bygone days
I think how evening follows morn.
So many I loved were not yet dead;
so many I love were not yet born.
KLambert| 7.26.10 @ 11:58PM
Here is a link to their wedding video. How sweet they were. Really gives you an idea of how much they were loved. Hope that wasn't the boat involved in the accident at the end of the wedding video. Too much foreshadowing to bear. Such a lovely, lovely couple. How sad.
http://www.videoimpactpros.com....._4th_2007/
Curtis| 7.27.10 @ 10:00AM
Thank you, K.
Clarity Coffman| 7.27.10 @ 1:36AM
Thank you, Ben. That was beautiful...and brought familiar tears to my eyes.
I would love to see the pics that you guys took on the 3rd. Unfortunately, I did not make it up to Sandpoint until the 4th.
I miss her so much, but also take solace in the fact that she touched so many lives and was such a beautiful and effervescent presence in our lives.
Ben Eide-Hughes| 7.27.10 @ 3:05AM
Thank you for the kind words about our friends. A pleasure to hear of Amber's astonishingly beautiful blue eyes every time it is mentioned, and it is mentioned a lot!
Ben, when seeing your name I can't help to remember a time when I was with Darby and we met you and your family at the marina in Sandpoint many years ago. We helped you dock your boat and had a very pleasant conversation with you and your wife. It is with these simple memories that I keep the love that I have for my two lost friends alive.
Curtis| 7.27.10 @ 9:51AM
Ben, I didn't know the couple but was on the bridge mere hours after the accident. Thank you for your touching eulogy. I grieve for their loss.
Curtis, Sandpoint
heather| 7.27.10 @ 1:55PM
I grew up with Amber's husband and he was one of my closest childhood friends. Those who knew them were very blessed and this is such a great loss. I appreciated you speaking to this tragic loss, thank you.
Lisa | 7.27.10 @ 4:09PM
I pray, everyday for the safety of my children and my grandson and there isn't a day I don't tell them directly how much I love them. You are so right, Mr. Stein, life is far too fragile and in our busy lives it's important to remember that each of us can be taken without warning or notice. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Your letter about Amber made me weep. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Amber's family. They must be as heartbroken as any parent would be. God bless you. You have my deep condolences.
Deborah| 7.27.10 @ 4:40PM
Ben, I am a family friend of Darby's and we will never get over the loss. I can just picture Amber as a young girl by your words. I had the pleasure of meeting her at the Wedding and couldn't get past her eyes, sooo beautiful. She was a lovely young woman.
Thank you for writing, it makes us think.....
James Samuel Cyrus Black| 7.27.10 @ 6:08PM
Thank you very much for reminding us all how precious love and life and community truly are. You are a GodSend and may He continue to bless you and through you the rest of us. Sincerely!
raelea whitson| 7.27.10 @ 6:30PM
Thank you Ben for writing such an accurate description and tribute for our dear Amber. Your description of her eyes are so precise. This tragedy wil truly haunt me but am thankful she had a friend like you and so many others like us! May peace be with you Amber and Darby!
Ruffian| 7.27.10 @ 6:52PM
Thank you Ben. It appears to me to be America's loss too.
Jennie Campbell/motherinlaw| 7.27.10 @ 8:57PM
Amber was the heart to Darbys soul.If I could have hand picked the woman my son married, and loved so dearly, it would only have been Amber.She was the light of my life.Thank you for your words.
Sandpoint resident| 7.27.10 @ 9:05PM
Ben, Thanks for your tribute. Sandpoint is lucky you chose us as a place to stay when you can.
Although a different day may have averted this awful tragedy, the reason it was on the third this year is that when the 4th falls on a Sunday it is moved up a day in deference to those who worship on Sunday. I don't know why those who prefer Saturday as a day of worship are not considered...
Rog Hugh| 7.28.10 @ 12:26AM
A tragic loss. As a mother of two sons, your words chilled and brought comfort, at the same time. I beg my boys to take care, but perhaps your words and the loss of Amber, will somehow reach them better than my begging. On another note, we all loved your movie Expelled and have watched it many times with friends and educators. Great work.
Kiki| 7.28.10 @ 1:04AM
"Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal."
~Thomas Moore
Mari & Marty, Davis Reed Quinn| 7.28.10 @ 2:48PM
Ben, We also had Amber help us with our 3 young boys in Sandpoint for many years, and she was also very important part of our family. Then after we moved we also kept in touch with her regularly. She was an amazing treasure and our loss has been devastating and without words, until you posted yours. It is a wonderful tribute to an amazing young lady. On behalf of all of us have have loved and now lost Amber, thank-you.
Addie Jacobson| 7.28.10 @ 9:26PM
Dear Ben Stein,
Thank you for this heartfelt tribute. My husband, children, and myself lived in Sandpoint for nearly a decade and consider it our home town. We remember when Darby was born and are overwhelmed by this unimaginable loss. I find myself speechless in the face of this, and am grateful for your ability to gracefully address this tragedy.
Christina Coffman| 8.5.10 @ 2:04AM
I am Amber's Mama. Amber was always Pure Love and Pure Light to everyone she met. She was a strong hold for so many! THIS TIME FOR US HAS BEEN SO TERRIBLY HARD IN EVERY WAY! Amber and Darby are so missed and I suffer every day with my loss of one of my best friends ever!
Helen Hegener| 8.5.10 @ 3:36AM
I started crying as I read what you wrote, realizing only then that my dear friend Christina had lost one of her beautiful girls... There are no words, only hurting for her loss.