The American Spectator : Death by Interview

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Death by Interview

By Christopher Orlet on 7.22.10 @ 6:06AM

So what is your greatest weakness?

Coming home last week from my third job interview in a month I decided Scott Adams was right: Human resources people are evil.

Adams, creator of the comic strip Dilbert, has created a whole gallery of unsavory characters: the pointy-haired boss, the lazy co-worker, the preventer of information services, the sham consultant, various accounting trolls and marketing weasels. But none can match his Catbert -- evil director of human resources -- for sheer malevolence.

Nothing delights the evil director of human resources more than dreaming up sadistic policies meant to torment hapless employees. I sometimes think it was someone very much like Catbert who came up with today's standard interview questions.

I can usually predict how well I will do in an interview by whether I meet with my potential boss or the HR director. The latter will not inquire into my qualifications or my experience. Instead, he will ask cryptic questions meant to gauge whether I am a psychopath who will one day crack up and burn down the company's headquarters.

What I find disturbing is how the questions seem designed not to determine whether I am qualified to do the work, but to solicit falsehoods or complete BS. For example, the truthful response to the question: "Why do you want to work here?" is almost always, "Because I am a responsible adult and I have a family to support."

Only you cannot say that. HR directors do not care why you are really applying for the job. Instead, you must play make-believe and concoct some warm and fuzzy story about how since you were a toddler you have dreamt of creating market-driven strategies for Grunt Technologies, Inc.

The questions get more asinine as the interview drags on. "What is your greatest weakness?"

Everyone, of course, answers this the same way. "I'm a workaholic." Inwardly the HR director smiles. Another workaholic! That's the tenth workaholic today! How fortunate to live in a time when no one has enriching personal lives or cares to spend time with his wife/husband and family!

"Why did you leave your last job?"

Even if your boss was constantly creeping up behind you and sticking his tongue in your ear, you cannot say so, because it would label you a complainer and one who is not a team player. So you wince and recite some meaningless boiler-platism about wanting to "change your challenge." Again, the HR director's heart flutters: a challenge-changing workaholic who has dreamt of creating market-driven strategies since he was messing in his diapers. That's the tenth one today!

I have no idea how HR directors decide whom they will hire because, unless the candidate is a complete moron and answers the questions honestly, all prospective employees' answers will be the same. Perhaps they draw names out of a hat.

I GOT MY FIRST real job at a small Ozark newspaper back in 1986. I showed up and the publisher introduced me to the outgoing editor and we chatted. "Well, does he want the job?" he asked a moment later. I did. Eight years later I interviewed at a major metropolitan association for a public relations job. The boss asked me a few pertinent questions, saw I had the right experience and skills, and, after checking my references, hired me the next day.

Today, it is not unusual to sit through a dozen interviews before an offer is tendered (or not). The first two rounds with the HR director are but prelude to a succession of meetings with various staff, hiring panels, and committees. If you happen to have a job, it means taking a dozen days off so you can be asked the same questions a dozen times by hundreds of different people in the same company. Obviously, with so many interviewers it is almost impossible to reach a consensus. So they drag the candidates back in for round 12.

Of course, by round 12, the best candidates have been snapped up by a more decisive company.

I lost count, but I imagine I have been to nearly 20 interviews this year. I have read that the average number of applicants for a job is six, but each time I ask an HR director how many candidates applied for an opening I am told anywhere from 50 to 200. Am I disgusted by the whole process? Of course. But I persist because I am a responsible adult with a family to support. Though, of course, I would never say so.

About the Author

Christopher Orlet writes every Thursday from St. Louis.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (50) | Leave a comment

drudge ette obama| 7.22.10 @ 6:16AM

Perhaps the interviewers have read some of your past work, like the Journolister-style article about the Tea Parties, and determined that you are not their "cup of ______."

Sometimes writing is a hobby more than a profession. Ouch....

You seem to take the easy way out on your articles. It is too easy to laugh at Tea Partiers, at Sarah Palin, and George Bush. Snickers of agreement abound in the Journolister crowd when you write another nail in the coffin article.

But what do your readers learn?

R Martin| 7.22.10 @ 8:25AM

Very perceptive.

Alan Brooks| 7.22.10 @ 9:01PM

"It is too easy to laugh at Tea Partiers, at Sarah Palin, and George Bush."

It is easy because the above don't offer what Reagan did.

Old Soldier| 7.22.10 @ 7:50AM

Christopher – Know your audience. Once you get past the HR gatekeepers, be more honest.

I often screen candidates for my department (after getting their resumes from HR). When they break into HR speak, I tune out. I just want to know if he/she has the proper skills, speaks English I can understand, and had some enthusiasm for the work. I don't care what your inner motivations are.

I also somebody I can trust – which makes the BS dance you put on to get past HR less desirable.

Good Luck out there.

D| 7.22.10 @ 8:13AM

I was discussing this very topic with a friend of mine th eother day. My own experience is that many interviewers -- especially but not only the HR people -- don't really listen to what you have to say as much as they listen for you to say certain things. That is, they seem to be looking for a "template" rather than an individual.

Angry Webmaster| 7.22.10 @ 8:18AM

One of the worst problems with HR drones is their complete lack of knowledge of the positions they're trying to fill.

I work in the IT field. 99% of HR interviewers can barely turn on a computer let along ask how you configure an ASA 5501.

Back in '99 during the ramp up for Y2K, my manager was looking for people and was furious at what was being sent to him. These were people who had just passed all the Microsoft tests, but had no real world experience.

As anyone knows, Microsoft's answers and the real world answers rarely match.

He finally got so fed up that he got into a shouting match with he HR people. When he got a look at the rejected resumes he saw people with 5-10 years experience that had been passed over simply because they "Weren't certified."

In another case I know of, a person who had worked at Cisco for 20 years was interviewing for a network position. He had help write the code the routers use and could set up a network while in a coma. The HR drone said she didn't think he was qualified because he had never bothered to get certified.

Human Resources can do enormous damage to a company looking for good people.

Otis my man!| 7.23.10 @ 12:02AM

HR departments were created to satisfy Department of Labor regulations.

They do not have anything to do with a company's bottom line.

Lizard Breath| 7.22.10 @ 8:46AM

I've been on both sides of the desk. If I hire someone without the right credentials I'm open to a lawsuit."Stay in School"It's hard to hire a person who's not of the Scheduled Caste. As there are a lot of glib people,all that can be determined is whether or not the applicant has two heads.Thank G-d for the old boy network!

LarryK| 7.22.10 @ 9:41AM

My favorite interview was about 12 years ago. The HR manager asked me, "What is your greatest weakness?"

I sat there and said nothing. Just looked at the man. Not a smile on my face but not a frown either, a small curl at the corners of my mouth. He continued to look at me and I at him, not looking away, and after about 5 minutes, he started to squirm in his seat. At 10 minutes, he was so uncomfortable, he left the room and a few minutes later, another man came in and said, "Larry, I'm Mr. XXXX, would you mind coming to my office?" I shook his hand and followed him to his office. He looked at me and said, "Mr. YYY is really shook up. Why didn't you answer his question?" My reply. "My greatest weakness was not having the patience to put up with asinine questions. I decided that I would conquer that weakness today."

Later that day, I was offered the job.

toni| 7.22.10 @ 2:21PM

LarryK, you have inspired me!! I've been working too long for dum ass people, HR pukes should be in the peanut fields. You rock!!

Matt Morehouse| 7.22.10 @ 9:50AM

Some many years ago I was a mid-level manager at a San Francisco Publishing House. After many bad experiences I told the Personnel Geeks to never send me another Berkeley grad or anyone wearing Birkenstocks.

stephanie| 7.22.10 @ 12:39PM

GO MATT!!

Rob| 7.22.10 @ 9:51AM

I loved this article and can relate to it very well. I am both looking for work and have a 25+ yr. career as an HR Director in a Chicago innercity medical center environment. I have also been a Global Change Management consultant with a Big 4 firm.

What initially appealed to me about the field of HR was the opportunity to help employees develop, find a career fit and achieve success in their chosen field. However, in reality as an HR Director I found myself in a very reactionary mode as I learned that the majority of the organization's problems were delegated to HR to solve.

Think about what it takes to be a competent HR person: You have to have the knowledge base of a(n):

- attorney (employment, tax, collective bargaining, benefits, law)
- accountant (compensation, payroll, benefits)
- insurance specialist
- psychologist (employee relations, interviewing)
- marketer (recruiting, competitive intelligence)
- sociologist (multi-cultural workforce)
- computer science (HRIS)
- MBA equivalent knowledge (organizational design, business strategy, organizational performance)

After 25+ years in higher level HR roles, I've concluded that the culture and morale of the entire workforce correlates with the quality of their HR Director/officer. So as HR is interviewing you, judge the quality of their HR as a relevant factor in whether this is place you'd like to work when you're weighing employment options.

P.Smith| 7.22.10 @ 12:36PM

“the culture and morale of the entire workforce correlates with the quality of their HR Director/officer”

Several months ago I used a day of vacation to interview for a job. I was there for about an hour and was grilled by three people in a room one of which involved the HR manager. After the interview the HR manager said he would let me know something about the job, but he never called.

About three months later he called and after some basic chit-chat he said that they had offered the previous job to someone else, but they had a new opening for another job and would like me to come in and interview because they were impressed with knowledge on a certain subject. I told him I would come in and interview, so we set a date. After I got off the phone, I started thinking about the last experience, and decided to cancel the interview. The original interview cost me lost pay and time that could have spent with my family on my day off, and they didn’t even have the decency to send a standard rejection form letter. I decided that if this is how this company treats those in which they’re putting their best foot forward, then how do they treat employees once in their hire?

Rob| 7.22.10 @ 1:48PM

Good move, P.Smith. The only additional move that might have been productive in your case is for that HR officer and perhaps his/her boss to understand why you decided to cancel the interview (unless you did reveal this information). Otherwise, they might not know about this opportunity for improvement.

P.Smith| 7.22.10 @ 4:46PM

I did not tell them why I canceled the interview. I offer constructive criticism if I think it is useful, but in a case where even the very basics of common decency doesn’t exist, I just assume all hope is lost and move on.

Keith| 7.22.10 @ 2:16PM

Who's got options?

Clinton nee Publius| 7.22.10 @ 4:55PM

If this were true we could turn over our economy to personnel directors and never worry about deficits, debt, employment or inflation again.

The only real world experience I have ever witnessed from the H.R. director was the ability to move skillfully in the browneye polishing contest of corrupt corporate politics. This is sometimes matched by a keen understanding of worker legal rights and remedies, a complete network of labor attorneys who sue companies on contingency, a comprehensive understanding of how to scam workman's compensation and a comprehensive approach to CYA that would make a Capitol Hill politician green with envy.

My experience was that the larger the HR department, the less likely there would be any sustainable opportunity based upon actual ability and merit as compared to an innate sense of how to be the perfect sycophant in any setting.

I apologize for disrespecting you. It was too good to resist, but it is your fault really. I bet you are also a closet notary public and probably were a bed-wetter or were prone to chronic crying jags whenever The Flintstones were on.

Dai Alanye| 7.22.10 @ 10:09AM

"'My greatest weakness?'Hmm... I find I often underestimate my innate greatness."

Probably won't help get you a job but the response gives some indication as to whether the HR person is worthy of being treated as a social equal.

Vern Crisler| 7.22.10 @ 10:32AM

The secret is never to do a job interview with HR. Always ask whether the person doing the interview will be doing the hiring. If not, don't waste your time. HR is worthless when it comes to finding qualified applicants.

Unfortunately, sometimes the hiring person has read HR nonsense and asks some of the same HR questions. If not, he or she will ask you questions directly pertinent to the job. Those are the best interviews.

If you absolutely must go thru HR, google a bit to find standard answers to interview questions -- always positive answers.

Jenny| 7.22.10 @ 10:52AM

I read recently that the trend among evil HR people is to screen out unemployed people who are applying for jobs. The reason being that there must be a reason that these people are unemployed, such as low productivity, not a team player, etc. Credit scores are also used to screen out potential employees.

So here we have a situation where unemployed people - who are really motiviated to get a job - are being screend out. And unemployed people who have to decide between paying their credit card bill and buying food are being screened out as too high risk.

The risk is that we are going to create a class of permanently unemployed, underemployed, and discouraged people who want and need to work. Meanwhile those who are fortunate enough in this rotten economy will be able to change jobs without the risk of competing for jobs with unemployed but otherwise qualified candidates.

Old Soldier| 7.22.10 @ 11:09AM

There may be some of that but I think it is more about attitude.

Just like it is easier to meet girls when you already have a girlfriend, it is easier to act confident and a little indifferent while interviewing for another job. A willingness to walk away is attractive.

I've been there - struggling no to give off the stench of desperation (with the ladies or a prospective employer).

CharlesMartelsGhost| 7.22.10 @ 11:53AM

HR is not interviewing you for the job, they are weeding you out. Interviewing with HR is not the same as interviewing with the hiring manager. different questions, different expectations. A easy read and good book that gives one an insight into the dirty tricks and games HR plays with candidates is: "What does somebody have to do to get a job around here? 44 insider secrets that will get you hired." by Cynthia Shapiro. It lays out in an easy read format the true intent of HR and can help. Although not a cure all, the book gives insight into the questioning and actions of HR and how to be preapred for such "assualts".

Unemployed| 7.24.10 @ 9:11PM

Exactly. I have sat on both sides of the interview desk and know from personal experience that the first job of an interviewer is to look for any possible reason to reject the candidate. Even during times of full employment there are always multiple candidates and one job. So you have to cull the herd.

The problem with HR interviewers is that they typically have no knowledge of the job they are trying to fill. This is particularly true in engineering or technology. It is up to the hiring manager to provide a useful set of attributes for the HR person to look for.

But most of the time the HR people fall back to going down a multiple-choice checklist:
Q1 Candidate's Personality is ______
a. Axe murdering psycho
b. Proven embezzler
c. Walking lawsuit magnet
d. None of the above

Conan the Grammarian| 7.22.10 @ 12:28PM

I was interviewed last week over the phone for the first round of interviews. I was asked, "What motivates me?" I answered, "I am motivated to work hard to get pay raises and bonuses." Another question that I hate, besides "What is your greatest weakness" is "Where to you want to be in five/ten years?" I once answered, "Look I am in my forties so I don't want to be the president of the company. I will never be the president, but I am a responsible adult and will do a good job for you." I hate HR questions.

Dillon| 7.23.10 @ 1:07PM

I think the worst question I got continually during interviews was "why do you want to work here?". In my head I knew I could not honestly answer because I hadn't yet got to ask my own questions; so I didn't actually know if I wanted to work there yet. They make the assumption that the interview is a one way street; that they are the ones that get to ask all the questions and that if i'm there I have already made up my mind that I want to work there.

pomdter| 7.23.10 @ 1:54PM

One of those late nights in college we came up with a set of standard answers to the standard questions. My favorite was, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

"in 5 years, I will be able to buy and sell you."

CalMark| 7.22.10 @ 12:37PM

True story:
The HR director of a large engineering company had dozens of letters after her name, none college-related and all unknown to non-HR people. On my resume was "EIT," Engineer in Training, for which I had passed a national 8-hour test. The HR lady suspiciously told me she'd never heard of EIT, then repeatedly and nastily accused me of making up a fraudulent qualification and that she would so inform management . I stayed cool, knowing she was going to make a HUGE fool of herself. Imagine my satisfaction when a) I was offered a job, with her signature on the offer letter and b) when I turned the job down because I had a better offer.

Purple Lips| 7.22.10 @ 1:09PM

HR interviewer: "Okay Mr Purple Lips. Its says here you left your last job 3 months ago. Why did you leave?"

Purple Lips: "I was fired for spending all of my time posting on American Spectator. I just couldn't stand the mindless paper work my job demanded, and found TAS more stimulating."

Stuart (Austin, TX)| 7.22.10 @ 1:33PM

My greatest weakness? Hmmmmm. I like to stalk and kill HR managers by dark of night.

Brother John| 7.22.10 @ 4:34PM

That might actually be better described as one of your finest strengths.

P.Smith| 7.22.10 @ 4:35PM

Wouldn't this be classified as a strength?

Amy| 7.23.10 @ 3:00PM

Real nice!

Its stupid idiots like you and these other posters that come running to HR as soon as something you dont like happens at work...oh my boss was mean to me...oh he hurt my little feelings...blah blah blah....oh and when they are too stupid to file insurance claims correctly...here they come..please help me the insurance company denied my claim...I am too lazy to call the 1-800 number myself and find out...

We have to sit and interview idiots who are not qualified for the positions they think they are too good for. Those questions are asked for a reason...to weed out the uneducated stupid people!

Vern Crisler| 7.25.10 @ 12:19PM

How come they didn't weed you out Amy? (Kidding) I think HR people are great for employees. I think they are worthless when it comes to hiring (and statistics back me up on that). Flipping a coin would be better than HR when it comes to hiring.

David| 7.22.10 @ 1:51PM

I thought one of the most effective, efficient, and time and money saving interviews was one I had with a large law firm in downtown Houston.

The initial interview was on the phone. I was unemployed, didn't have to drive about 20 miles into downtown, and didn't have to pay $8 - 12 dollars to park.

We spoke for about 45 minutes. The interviewer told me about the couple of positions they had, and we were both able to ask each other basic questions to be sure we should go further in the process. It also gave me a chance to ask if being a smoker would be a problem.

Anyway, I was offered a job after going to interview in person. After thinking about it for a week, I turned down the offer.

I think a basic first interview by phone is a very good way for the parties to feel out each other.

JmsA| 7.22.10 @ 2:10PM

"My greatest weakness?" None insofar as the job is concerned has been my reply, which has worked rather well.

CallMeIshmael| 7.22.10 @ 3:10PM

What's my greatest weakness?

I'm too kind to animals, small children and old people. Also, I'm too generous and too tolerant and understanding. BTW, you're a wonderful interviewer. Did you go to Harvard or was it Cambridge or Oxford?

D| 7.22.10 @ 4:26PM

Very good.

Jeffrey| 7.22.10 @ 3:56PM

Reading the article and comments has me wondering about the qualification editors (at opinion magazines) are looking for in writers today.

What would you recommend to someone interesting in writing commentary today? Is it necessary to go back to school to get a journalism degree? Would that actually be a negative these days? Is there another, surer path.

Jenny| 7.22.10 @ 4:27PM

IMHO, it's who you know that gets you the job.

Brother John| 7.22.10 @ 4:36PM

Best question I was ever asked in an interview, for an IT position, after a bit of the boilerplate dancing around:

"How does a toilet work?"

He was NOT HR. He was the guy I'd have directly reported to.

Clinton nee Publius| 7.22.10 @ 5:00PM

My answer to the question was "I don't suffer fools gladly. I get anxious, start rocking in my chair and then assault them with whatever implements are on my desk," I would say as I rocked back and forth in the chair and made a nervous tic appear on my face.

I would then tell them I handled rejection very poorly and was still on the first step of my rage-aholics anonymous 12 step program after getting fired for hospitalizing someone who disagreed with me and my parole officer said if I didn't get a job...

JMM| 7.22.10 @ 8:01PM

My greatest weakness is believing I can support a wife and two kids on the pittance you are offering me.

james| 7.22.10 @ 8:07PM

When "personnel" became "human resources" twenty years or so ago, the outcome was entirely predictable. They used to take in new hires and explain the health plan to them and have them fill out forms. Now they do this. It is all of a piece with the country at large.

Vern| 7.22.10 @ 10:37PM

Preparing for an interview is important.

In order to prepare for job interviews, I bought a new suit and tie, bought a camera and practiced interviewing with my new suit and tie on, practiced poise and having a professional look, memorized standard HR questions and the recommended answers, and I practiced speaking in more than short phrases -- which came near to torture for me.

Finally, when the interview took place, it was a telephone interview. I was only asked questions related to my profession, and I was hired shortly thereafter.

It never hurts to be prepared….

tominator | 7.23.10 @ 12:03AM

my biggest weakness? probably a lack of introspection

tominator| 7.23.10 @ 12:05AM

as an aside, our hr group doesn't get involved in the interview process at all. their job is to give you the tools to source candidates and then train you how to not create legal liabilities for the company due to your interviewing style resouourhelp you

JMM| 7.23.10 @ 10:14AM

I'd say that right after "lack of introspection" might come lack of spelling, punctuation and grammatical skills.

Chris| 7.23.10 @ 2:57PM

It is a real shame that so many of you had such bad experiences with HR. As an HR professional, I feel an obligation to know our overall business as well, if not better than just about everyone else in the business. While I certainly will never understand technology as well as the leaders in IT, or finance like the CFO, controller or other accounting/finance expert, I do my best to understand the comprehensive operations of the business.

When it comes to recruiting candidates, I try to help managers and directors make the best decisions. While it seems like most of the leaders in our organization want me to be involved in the interview process, I only seem to be able to find enough time to meet the top candidates and only for highly accountable positions. My interviews are meaningful and ask behavioral based questions that will indicate how the candidate will handle the types of difficult situations that come up at our firm. I don't try to pretend that I can measure the candidate's professional qualifications. While I could probably design an Excel spreadsheet better than just about anyone in our very talented IS team, I would never attempt to determine if the candidate was qualified to administer databases, write programs in sophisticated applications, understands tax codes or for that matter any specialty in any of our functional areas. The fucntional manager can do that well enough.

But I do believe that I have better ability to find potential personality quirks or other reasons that might lead to the person’s failure in the department. Let me promise you that I will never ask “what is your greatest weakness”, but I will ask thought provoking questions that will allow me to understand what the candidate is currently or perhaps should be working on that could make him or her better at work. While I’ve been fooled in the past, I think my record stands out for finding successful candidates.

So, while I do not dismiss the comments made here to be inaccurate, I wish you better luck in landing better experiences with HR managers who have a better understanding and commitment to why we are here. By the way, we (HR) should not be here only to make work to satisfy our own existence, but rather to return value to the bottom line. Far to often that is not the case.

SLP| 7.26.10 @ 10:54AM

As an HR professional, I'm sorry so many here have had such bad experiences with HR. Honestly, we're really not that bad. :) Most HR professionals are trained in interviewing strategies, and the good ones do work with the hiring manager to learn about the job. Could we DO the job? No. Probably not. But we can work with the hiring manager to develop interview questions to tell us whether the candidate is the minimum qualifications that the job requires.

I believe that if you had a bad experience with HR at a prospective company, you need to tell the hiring manager, or even the company CEO. HR's job is to support and advise, and if we're not doing our jobs properly, then the big boss should know.

Best of luck to all of you interviewing. I truly hope you have better experiences with HR in future interviews, and that you land the job you want.