The American Spectator : A Curious Crowd

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A Curious Crowd

By R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. on 7.8.10 @ 6:08AM

The bad luck of Mr. Putin's Russian Irish spies.

WASHINGTON -- Well, well, well -- now it appears that even the Soviet -- strike that ! -- the Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin is afflicted by the general mediocrity of the moment. There was never any reason to doubt that the Soviet grasp of the third-rate and meretricious should not survive into the Russian Renaissance. A Zil, the cumbersome Soviet limousine, is still a Zil -- and no one ever buys a Russian computer if there is one or a Russian hamburger. Yet, frankly I had fears that at least in espionage the SVR, as the Russians call the foreign arm of their new KGB, had maintained standards for intelligence gathering and all the unseemly things that go with it. It was reputedly among the world's best, right up there with the Israelis, the British, and -- on a good day -- the CIA and the FBI. But now it appears that with the arrests of 11 "agents of influence" it is as amateurish as everything else associated with most governments worldwide, at least at the present moment. And to think Mr. Putin is a former KGB officer and a pretty good one. It must be galling.

In London last week where I was, the affair was played up much splashier than here in the United States. The British journalists have a better sense for a news story, which is why British journalism is not in such dire straits as it is here. They played the femme fatale angle perfectly and the playboys, and they even discovered a grim business connection with some shadowy Brit and the tyrant, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. When I arrived back in the United States, July 4th night, I had been fully advised on the matter by the London newspapers. It was astonishing how American journalists missed the mediocrity. Some of the Russian spies had gone native or almost.

Oh sure, there were the true believers. The lefty journalist who wrote for El Diario La Prensa whose cover was blown back on January 14, 2000, and who has been implicating others inadvertently for years. Also her idiot husband, the prof, who in self-incriminating testimony after his arrest said he loved his son, but "would not violate his loyalty to the ‘Service' even for his son." But then there were the "Murphys," "Donald Heathfield," and his lovely wife, "Tracy Foley." All the above names are either stolen or made up. Why did they have to take Irish-sounding names? Whey not Goldfarb or Finkelstein? Is it the old Soviet residual of anti-Semitism? Yet they are perfectly serviceable names -- especially if you are living in New York.

The "Murphys" certainly seemed to be going native, and I would worry about them if I were Mr. Putin. Remember all you have heard about "conspicuous consumption" and the Yanks? In 2009 the Murphys thought they should own their home in Montclair, New Jersey, and they gave their handler an earful when he objected. Earlier, an agent had lamented to Mr. Murphy, "I'm so happy I'm not your handler." He distributed monies to these "agents of influence" and is now on the lam in Cyprus or perhaps he has fled the island. As for the Murphys, they are now in custody. They were trained in a topflight Russian "espionage school," reports the Los Angeles Times. So maybe they will hold their tongues, but I am not so sure. That house in Montclair would be a lovely safe house for a couple of renamed Irish who might sing.

Of course, the spy who really attracted the Brits' eyes and has got to have had the same effect here is the curvaceous 28-year-old, red-haired, doe-eyed beauty, Anna Chapman, née Kushchenko, whose father was from the old KGB and presumably knows a thing or two. Rather oddly, he directed her to the authorities. That was it. Before her arrest, she had cut an active figure on both sides of the Atlantic. She married a British citizen. Picked up with playboys and frequented Annabel's and Tramp in Britain. After five years she left for America, but not before working with the shady Ken Sharpe and her father for a company, Southern Union, with connections to Mugabe. Over here she lived a similarly fast life of nightclubs, rich men, and connections that do not add up. Supposedly she had fifty employees working for her company. Possibly it helped finance the spy ring.

What we do know is that, after years of gathering information from these lunkheads, the FBI moved in pretty spectacularly. Something triggered their rapid arrests. Maybe we shall know in the months ahead, maybe not. What is obvious is that the FBI has had a good couple of weeks and MI5 too. Their reputations glow. It is the KGB/SVR I worry about. This could be a PR disaster.

About the Author

R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. is the founder and editor in chief of The American Spectator. He is the author of the forthcoming The Death of Liberalism, published by Thomas Nelson Inc. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller Boy Clinton: the Political Biography; The Impeachment of William Jefferson Clinton; The Liberal Crack-Up; The Conservative Crack-Up; Public Nuisances; The Future that Doesn't Work: Social Democracy's Failure in Britain; Madame Hillary: The Dark Road to the White House; The Clinton Crack-Up; and After the Hangover: The Conservatives' Road to Recovery.

Letter to the Editor View all comments (28) | Leave a comment

Bently-Dodd| 7.8.10 @ 8:11AM

Now that The Communist Party U.S.A. is such a joke it is difficult to recruit agents. Still: consider a chopsuey joint in Little Rock or a Budhist temple with no controlling precedent... makes you long for the good old days with Alger Hiss, the Rosenbergs, Amerasia,Julia and Lillian Helman.

Innocent Bystander| 7.8.10 @ 1:36PM

Judging from their spectacular efforts to dismantle the American republic and our free enterprise system, one might surmise that the Communist Party U.S.A. has been reincarnated as the Democrat Party with a closet Marxist as their titular head.

Alan Brooks| 7.8.10 @ 3:04PM

"makes you long for the good old days with Alger Hiss, the Rosenbergs, Amerasia, Julia and Lillian Helman. "

... and Jimmuh. Oh, the wistful joys of retro! Polyester trousers, earth shoes, the Bee Gees, cocaine and Perrier water, Jimmuh Cawtah.

Alan Brooks| 7.8.10 @ 3:07PM

... it's a joke.
Jimmuh was not, repeat, NOT a commie.
Got that?

Rodney T Walton| 7.8.10 @ 11:58PM

I'm just sorry we can't keep the "hot-babe" & the rest of these not-s0-successful spies and send Obama back to the Soviets, (sorry, I meant Russians). Could we send Bill Ayers along too?

Flit Andersen| 7.13.10 @ 6:22AM

...and Annie Lee Moss....

Howard| 7.8.10 @ 8:26AM

Most of the better Soviet spy's during the 1930's were home grown ideologues. People like Rosenberg, Chambers, and in the UK, "The Cambridge Five". They were able to infiltrate more effectively than guys named Vladimir. Perhaps Russia finds it hard to recruit native Americans to spy for a "Crony Capitalist" country like Russia. Food for thought.

Jim O'Brien| 7.8.10 @ 8:33AM

Meanwhile, Obama has agreed to make unilateral reductions (i.e., to weaken) our nuclear defense. Will the Senate ratify this insanity?

Anthony| 7.8.10 @ 9:57AM

I guess Putin didn't get the memo, the American Communist Party is in control of America. Gee, what more does he want?
Anyway, let's get something out of this mess, I say let's exchange spies; how about we keep that hottie, Ms. Chapman, and send Putin some oldies but goodies, Valarie Plame and Joe Wilson.

AMENBRO| 7.8.10 @ 11:03AM

The FBI beat Obama to the punch.

BAMMI BAM Barry was flossing ground beef & jalapenos outta his teeth while simultaneously sneaking a smoke in the White House Head. One of his DOJ RACIAL HEROES was outside with the news that he,,,like George Bush was not peering into SOVIET, I mean RUSSIAN souls but smelling RED ONION breath.

If it weren't for that NICOTINE NEED Obama woulda squashed the operation, I BETCHA YAWL.

james wilson| 7.8.10 @ 12:22PM

The very idea of old style Soviet espionage was entirely stupid when the President of the United States is a Marxist, so there is no reason for this affair to be have developed into something that made sense. The KGB is like an old man who is still chasing but has forgotten why.

Nelson H.| 7.8.10 @ 12:50PM

Bob, having subscribed to TAS continuously for 31 years I am qualified to make the following remark: do not post at 6:08am. Get your rest!

"It was reputedly among the world's best, right up there with the Israelis, the British, and -- on a good -- day the CIA and the FBI." You meant, "on a good day" right?

"They played the femme fatale angle perfectly and the playboys, and they even discovered a grim business connection..." The "and the playboys" could be structured better in this sentence, don't you think?

"He distributed monies to these "agents of influence" and is now on the lamb in Cyprus or perhaps he has fled the island." Oh, dear, dear! Of course he has taken it on the lam, but even if he is a Russian spy let us hope he isn't straddling a lamb somewhere! That would be degrading and bestial.

Jet lag. That's the ticket.

Andrew Keirns| 7.8.10 @ 1:09PM

No jet lag responsible for the "on the lamb ... or" sentence. That is classic RET!
(Maybe Bob knows he really IS on the lamb, not on the lam -- such would be the state of Russian spydom these days.)

Anthony| 7.8.10 @ 3:17PM

Lamb or no lam, I think it's my patriotic duty to take Ms. Chapman and put her under house arrest.
Oh, the things we patriots will do for our country.

Alan Brooks| 7.8.10 @ 4:11PM

She's got clamydia, Tony.

Anthony| 7.8.10 @ 8:48PM

Well Alan, nobody ever said being a patriot didn't involve risks. If she does have CLAMydia, then maybe she'll have to be warterboarded first, you know, to get rid of the grit.
I'll keep you posted; however, if you all don't hear from me for weeks, know that I died for a good cause, and with a smile.

Al Adab| 7.8.10 @ 4:22PM

Keats got that truth and beauty thing all wrong. It takes more than a pretty face.

Anthony| 7.8.10 @ 8:51PM

So true Al, but a pretty face sure is a good start!!

fsilber| 7.8.10 @ 1:35PM

Great Britain kicked out the Israeli ambassador in outrage that it was probably their secret service that counterfeited British passports in order to kill a Hamas mass-murderer. (_His_ killing the British newspapers call murder!)

Where is their outrage against the Russian secret service that counterfeited _these_ spies' British passports???

MoeBlotz| 7.8.10 @ 3:50PM

If you speak for the wolf,speak against him as well.

Alan Brooks| 7.8.10 @ 4:21PM

She looks so innocent:
Little Red Riding Spy

Anthony| 7.8.10 @ 9:14PM

Yes, but you do have to admire her cover. Absolutely brilliant, undetectable, living the fast life with rich men, who woudda guessed it was all for the motherland?
This works for me just fine.
Hey, wasn't it Sam the Sham who made a song about her?

Flit Andersen| 7.13.10 @ 6:25AM

"Little red ridin' hood...
you sure are lookin' good!
You're every thing, a big bad wolf could wannnnt!
Howwwwwwwwwwl!!!"

John - TMF| 7.8.10 @ 6:05PM

I keep trying to figure out what this den of oddities was trying to accomplish. They had access to very little of any real importance. They were "made" very early on in their adventures up to and including the hilarious act of the FBI posing as their "new" Russian bosses. (wow, "Burn Notice plots are everywhere... did the FIBBIES dress up like TV Russian mobster types?)

I just cannot fathom any serious positive function for this er um cell... yeah .... cell... [insert giggling choke here...]

So, I figure that these people were SVR/KGB equivalents of AF. (Midway, JN25 cracking scholars will understand the reference).

Our mass media, intelligentsia, and popular culture are so muddled and difficult to figure out from outside, the KGB needed "normal" people to give them at least a passing idea of what was going on, how we were responding, and what sort of information we were working with as a society.

I figure that all of their paradigms, behavioral models, and reaction reading data sets are off, and the serious Russian analysts are having difficulty dealing with the West's rapid descent into weirdity.

I still have visions of Agent 13 talking to Max from the flapper of a trash can....

Stranger than fiction....

r/TMF

Alexandra| 7.11.10 @ 11:29AM

it's nice to hear i'm not the only one who consider all the story as a weird one!
i just can't figure out what it was composed for) what do you think?

Travis Wilde| 7.9.10 @ 8:35PM

"He distributed monies to these 'agents of influence' and is now on the lamb in Cyprus or perhaps he has fled the island."

in consideration of the choice of Hibernian names is the quote an ethnic slur and should it read:

"He distributed monies to these 'agents of influence' and is now on the lamb in Cyprus or perhaps he is now in the lam."

Don M| 7.12.10 @ 12:11AM

Why publicize the spys now? Because they needed something to knock the Blago allegations that "Obama knew!" off the front page.

RCV| 7.12.10 @ 1:30PM

First of all, the evidence from the Blago trial is that Obama made quite clear to the governor that all he would get for an appointment of Obama's recommendation is a "thank you". Hardly damaging.
Second, they were arrested because the FBI decided it was time to call them in.