-
Alan Abelson, RIP
May 10, 2013 | 20 comments
-
South Carolina on My Mind
April 30, 2013 | 31 comments
-
Dream Sequences
April 26, 2013 | 62 comments
-
Just Like a Woman
April 25, 2013 | 35 comments
-
Missing So Many
April 19, 2013 | 41 comments
Ben Stein's Diary
Making the LAX-JAX Connection
Another installment of America’s number one Diary.
(Page 3 of 5)
This is my third visit and I like it a lot. I am bound to say, though, that I consider Monet so superior to any other painter of the era that I would have rather seen all Monets. His Houses of Parliament and Cathedral at Rouen are hauntingly beautiful.
Then, a modest lunch at the cafeteria of the museum. I had a brownie, but what a brownie. Rich and delicious.
Then rest time.
Dinner at a Vietnamese place in Georgetown called Miss Saigon. The party was Alex, Russ Ferguson, Aram Bakshian, genius writer and marching comrade from the Nixon days. We had to wait almost an hour because the crowds in D.C. were so immense but we finally got fed. The Hanoi pork was perfect. The rest only so-so. For dessert we went down to the Georgetown waterfront for a chocolate milkshake. DEE-LICIOUS. Really yummy. Then back to the Watergate for a nice sleep.
SUNDAY
It is Easter. A lovely day.
We went to dinner with Russ and Bob Noah at a restaurant called the
Blue Duck Tavern at 24th and M. The food was spectacular. I had
short ribs and they were amazing. We sat next to a post-operative
transsexual and “her” husband. I could tell she was not a
natural-born woman because she was being so respectful to her
husband. No real woman would do that. When “she” stood up it was
obvious.
In the middle of the meal, I started sneezing maybe 30 times in a row. Uh-oh. Onset of a sickness. I sat outside so as not to disturb my fellow gourmets with my discomfort. A huge black man from Ghana came over and wanted my autograph.
It was a nice day.
In the night though, I started to feel really ill and exhausted.
MONDAY
This is bad. I bid farewell to my big wifey and I headed for
the Reagan airport. By this time, I felt horrible. I dragged my fat
old self through the TSA section and waited for my flight. I felt
like death. I got to the plane and went right to sleep. Then, after
landing at JAX, I got off the plane and went to the Waffle House,
where three amazingly slow women — all highly cheerful — waited
on me.
It was great how good those waffles tasted. But by the time I got to my hotel, a Hilton Homewood Suites, I thought I would die.
I rested for a while, then went to the extremely spartan hotel dining room, where I waited forever for a fairly tasty meal of some kind of hamburger I really enjoyed and some chicken that was not so good.
Back to my room to watch the Duke-Butler game. What an exciting game and how brave a show the Butler team put on. They came so amazingly close to winning with that final shot, but in my mind, they did not lose.
I awoke in the middle of the night with a searing pain in my throat and none of my pink amoxicillin suspension medicine for that condition. I drank tons of tea, because the room had a tea maker, but I felt terrible.
By miracles of prayer, though, I managed to get some sleep. The suite had two bedrooms and one of them was quiet and I could sleep in it.
Still, feeling sick and ill away from home is a bad, bad situation.
About the Author
Ben Stein is a writer, actor, economist, and lawyer living in Beverly Hills and Malibu. He writes “Ben Stein’s Diary” for every issue of The American Spectator.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (28) | Leave a comment
More Articles by Ben Stein
More Articles From Ben Stein's Diary
http://spectator.org/archives/2010/06/29/making-the-lax-jax-connection
Follow us:
ADVERTISEMENT
Current Issue
- Self-Righteous Republic
- The Vast and the Tiny
- The (Real) Great Divide
SPONSORED LINKS
FLASHBACK TO: 1995
-
Pope Culture
A man of faith in a godless age is hitting Americans where it hurts.
-
Why the GOP Does Not, Like, Totally Suck
Mr. and Mrs. American Spectator Reader, let P.J. O’Rourke talk sense to your kids.
-
Dames at Sea
-
In the Absence of Guns
In Britain, defending your property can get you life.
-
The Metaphysical Martini
-
Counting the Costs of Clintonism
The debacle of this president’s administration is both a cause and a symptom of the decline of American values. Unless Congress impeaches him, that decline will go on unchecked. An eminent jurist surveys the damage and assesses the chances for the recovery of our culture.
-
Chuck McHagel
It won’t take long for conservatives to scratch this presidential wannabe off their 2008 scorecard.
-
The Legacy of Old John and Mother Fresh-Roasted
-
It’s the Best Time of the Year
The American Christmas, like the songs that celebrate it, makes room for everybody under the rainbow. Is that why so many people seem to be hostile to it?
-
The Bush Crack-Up
Was the President done in by the economy, or by the politics of the economy?
Clip of the Day
ADVERTISEMENT
ggoblue| 6.29.10 @ 7:02AM
god bless you ben, you are a light in the darkness...
if you ever swing thru detroit stop by for a perch and walleye dinner...this is a fabulous fishery :)
Arnold Ahlert| 6.29.10 @ 8:53AM
Ben Stein has jumped the shark. These "diary" columns are nothing more than an exercise in self-indulgence--unless one is riveted by the idea that Ben has to have an aisle seat on long plane trips.
Spare me.
Louis Jenkins| 6.29.10 @ 11:38AM
Come on Ben. Your wasting your talent on these blow by blow descriptions of your working-vacation. (Or maybe you're working.) Get down to brass knucks sometime.
DVG93| 6.29.10 @ 12:00PM
Personally, I love the window seat. On long flights, it's nice to lean on to sleep.
Wendy's has lost it's edge. The food no longer is much better than BK or McD's. The fries have become puny.
Mr. Stein, next time you're in Jax, try Firehouse Subs. Sonny's or Bono's BBQ is great stuff as well.
Clay F| 6.29.10 @ 12:33PM
What a great reflection about the-salt-of-the-earth folks who make the US a great place to live. I've only recently discovered this site so this was my first opportunity to read your diary. It may not deliver earth shattering insight into the troubles we are facing, however it delivers a much needed message of comfort and pride for us by posting your examples on the under reported goodness that exists within this country. Keep it up, Ben!
R Martin| 6.29.10 @ 1:08PM
I'm not sure how wise it is visiting sick children in hospital while suffering or recovering from a bad cold. But then it may itself be unwise to question Mr. Stein's wisdom if he's managed to arrange this gig--getting paid for writing stuff like this.
To be fair, he does have a point about anti- Semitism, although he seems lost in making the connection between that attitude and a president who was raised a Muslim and indoctrinated for 20 years by Jeremiah Wright.
Nancy Morey| 6.29.10 @ 1:28PM
Thanks for coming to L'burg. We think it is a pretty nice town. Next time try the MainStreet Grill and/or the Texas Inn!
RCV| 6.29.10 @ 2:15PM
Ben, you are a gem! I have many political disagreements with you, but I so enjoy reading everything you write. God Bless.
Robob| 6.29.10 @ 2:43PM
Ben
Pro-Life, Pro-Country, Pro-God, Pro-Israel and Curb is your favorite TV. I must be the gentile Ben Stein.
Rich Rostrom| 6.29.10 @ 10:58PM
Ben: Arabs have hated Jews since long before Israel was established. Note the great Arab campaign in 1948 to prevent the creation of Israel.The Koran depicts Jews as the treacherous enemies of the Prophet. The jihadists on the Mavi Marmara chanted an ancient song about the battle of Khaibar where Mohammed defeated the Jewish tribes of Mecca, slaughtering the men and enslaving the women and children. (The Mavi Marmara was the ship in the "Gaza flotilla" where the Israeli boarding party was attacked.)
Mind you, the relationship has nuances: the Koran also acknowledges the Hebrews of the Old Testament as the Chosen People - then - and many Moslems have Hebrew names such as Yakub, Ibrahim, Daoud, and Suleiman.
Denver Todd| 6.29.10 @ 11:03PM
Everyone should be able to write like Ben Stein. And now you can! Just fill in the blanks or circle your choices:
I flew off on __________ Airlines and they were wonderful/awful. My driver met me on the other end, and ____________ happened. On the way, I ate at ____________ . I arrived at the hotel and I was feeling wonderful/tired. The next day, I spoke at ______________ where the people were wonderful. On this trip, I ____________, regular people rarely do. Then I flew home to the Watergate, but I got sick on the way, and then I felt better later. My life is awesome.
kel| 6.30.10 @ 6:19AM
OK, Ben, I guess you get to cash a check for this one.
I love reading your work when you have something to say. When you don't (like in this piece) you can come across as pompous and condescending. VERY condescending.
VERY condescending.
It's kind of gross.
Jennifer| 6.30.10 @ 7:53PM
Hope you are feeling better. I guess I am just surprised that you never wrote about "We're on the verge of passing the most comprehensive financial reform since the Great Depression "
Maybe next week Ben Stein: Has Washington no shame? Or no memory?
I guess I just expected Mr. Stein to remind those "you are sworn to represent all of the people"
I guess like the regulators you needed a holiday.
Amazingling Annoyed Masochist| 6.30.10 @ 11:38PM
One would have to be a masochist to have read this stultifyingly boring collection of adjectives with "ly" added at the end of them. But I did.
Here is my count -
Incredibly - twice in one paragraph (Tell me if I missed any )
Lengendarily - describing forgotten Watergate figure
Amazing
Drastically
Horrifyingly to describe the degree of awfulness of a Wendy's hamburger
Stunningly - lost track - but it must describe something mundane
Big wifey - has she gained weight? Did she "come to wife it wealthily in Malibu?"
Astoundingly - describing beauty of another woman in same paraagraph as "big" wifey
Or was that the fried chicken at Target?
Amazingly -again
Insert here that everyone wants to be photographed with me .. . .
***Why did it seem "sad" to Ben that a woman bought 15 items when she intended to buy only one. Look up IMPULSE BUYER in the dictionary - there is a picture of Ben and all his houses!
Now we have a beautful girl contantLY hounding him for a photo
Hauntingly - beautiful picture of something in the museum
Amazing (again) - - short ribs this time.
Ben, look up AMAZING in the dictionary. It means "very surprising". Are you actually very surprised by virtually evertything?
Oh, oh, - now a huge black man from Ghana wants his photograph - God, they are everywhere!
And, finally, some team came AMAZINGLY CLOSE TO WINNING.
Thank you, Arnold Ahlert, Denver Todd and kel for your voices in daring to point out the vaingloriously vacuity of TAS's resident valetudinarian who would rather risk a virus than miss an opportunity to get his picture taken one more Amazing time!
TAS must pay by the word - so Ben writes fifty words and then goes back and pads it with 400 Amazingly, teeth-grindingly irksome modifiers.
If anyone else offered a piece of cr*p like this for publication, it would be returned faster than you could say "rejection notice"
Amazingly Annoyed| 6.30.10 @ 11:42PM
Make that AmazingLY instad of Amazingling - I got a little swimmy-headed reading Ben's litany of of
"ly"s
A.A. afterthought| 7.1.10 @ 12:00AM
Why would one worry about the un-manliness of having a hair plucked from chin, if one writes in the hyperbolic style of a gushy old woman?
Ben, you forgot, "There was this precious, meltingly delicious mint on my pillow in both bedrooms of my stratospherically expensive suite."
allison aller | 7.1.10 @ 12:11PM
You are the best Jewish uncle a girl could ever have...I've always loved reading you and I thank you for your candid open-heartedness.
Thanks, Uncle Ben!
Jim Allmon| 7.1.10 @ 12:39PM
What's with all the vitriolic comments? It's a diary for crying out loud! Who cares HOW it's written. It's a nice insight to Mr. Stein and I appreciate it. It's honest. It shows his humor and heart. It was observances over a period of time.
All you people crabbing about how it was written reek of sour grapes. It's easy to criticize those who are successful, isn't it? How about simply enjoying something for what it is?
Sort of reminds me of a writer's workshop I once attended where some of the authors in attendance proudly displayed how JK Rowling SHOULD have written the first few chapters of a Harry Potter novel. I'm certain she needed their input... just as Mr. Stein does. : )
Another afterthought| 7.1.10 @ 10:41PM
You hit the nail on the head, Jim Allmon. Mr. Stein gets his little diary out every evening and records what he ate and how his bed felt and many beautiful girls he saw, how many wanted their pictures taken with him - and it is a perfect insight into the man.
Diaries used to have a tiny lock on them and no one was invited to read the girlish flights 0f fancy - - "I wore my yellow angora sweater to the basketball game - fluff was flying everywhere - and everyone wanted to take my picture. We went to the malt shop after and the malt was creamily yummy."
L. Ross| 7.1.10 @ 10:45PM
Mr. Stein.
Just wanted to suggest to you that sometime you dabble with a ride in a light airplane. You will find that light aircraft diners are among the finest restaurants in the world. Everything is cooked from scratch, and no two are alike. Additionally, you will find the view much improved over an airliner, and probably the company as well.
Jim | 7.2.10 @ 12:34AM
A pleasant reminiscence. This is perhaps Ben's Garrison Keillor period.
:-)
J.| 7.2.10 @ 9:44AM
I don't get it. Ben Stein is so brilliant, special, etc., that he's not allowed to write a column, even in diary format, that isn't bulletproof? I cannot see what it is in him or his writing that excites such virulent criticism, even hate. It's not because he's a Jew, but could it be related to the reason so many do hate Jews and Israel? More likely it is just that his diary columns are so open and unfiltered. While this contributes greatly to their charm, to small people this vulnerability is just a target. A big man being vulnerable - certain personalities cannot resist. I find that ugly.
George| 7.9.10 @ 7:04PM
Ben, I never tire of reading your journal, it is so much about life in the US and other parts of the world. How hate exists and how love over comes. I have lost many Seiko watches and have never had a beautiful lady buy me one until my wife, Joanne, came along. These common threads run through our lives as common as the cold and as frightening as hate. But we continue on looking for a better way even under this purple lipped liar.
Keep writing these journals, the common people who laugh, love, and live do so even better after reading your work!
George| 7.9.10 @ 7:14PM
Ben, I never tire of reading your journal, it is so much about life in the US and other parts of the world. How hate exists and how love over comes. I have lost many Seiko watches and have never had a beautiful lady buy me one until my wife, Joanne, came along. These common threads run through our lives as common as the cold and as frightening as hate. But we continue on looking for a better way even under this purple lipped liar.
Keep writing these journals, the common people who laugh, love, and live do so even better after reading your work!