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Another Perspective
The Language of God
Or why I am not a Wall Street billionaire.
“I never did very well in math,” said Calvin Trillin. “I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn’t meant my answers literally.”
Trillin suffered a complaint familiar to many writers: a sensitivity to mathematics. It’s like the sensitivity some people have to dairy products, only we can still enjoy a nice Frappuccino now and then. The pain comes when we have to add up the tip.
One reason I went into journalism was I had to find a profession where math would not be an issue. Sadly, this ruled out everything that would allow me to make a decent living: stockbroker, accountant, office manager, carpenter, life insurance salesman.
In college, I was required to pass two math courses to obtain a bachelor of science degree, and because of that I almost didn’t graduate. I spent every afternoon of my junior and senior years in a math tutor’s office. I could follow along for approximately two minutes, then my brain would lock up and all I could hear was a drone that sounded like a muffled recording of a 1950s Ways and Means Committee hearing. At the last moment, I switched from a bachelor of science to a bachelor of arts degree, which required only one math class. Finally, in my last semester, I passed college algebra. I got a D-.
Now that I am a journalist, my editor seems determined to give me all of the stories that involve math: budget stories, tax assessment stories, follow-the-money stories. I keep telling him that if I had been any good with numbers I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone into the lowest-paying profession on the planet. I would have gone to work on Wall Street. I’d be racking up millions at Goldman Sachs committing securities fraud.
“You’re a professional,” my editor says dismissively. “And let’s make that budget story a series.”
I hate my editor.
A lot of people think mathematics, particularly the higher math, a waste of time. After all, how often does one use lambda calculus in every day life? I mean, unless you are one of those pajama guys who spend all day trying to hack into the Pentagon’s computers. I suppose you could say the same thing about a lot of stuff you studied in school. How often do you use facts about medieval history in everyday life, and if you say “quite often” that’s probably the reason you spend every night alone on the couch watching Battlestar Galactica reruns.
I don’t think that way at all. I wish I knew more math. I am constantly struggling with numerical problems. If all of my woodworking projects look like they were designed for the set of a 1920s German Expressionist film it is because I never quite mastered the whole fraction thing. I know what a half of something is, maybe even a quarter, but smaller than that and I end throwing up my hands and exclaiming, “Good enough for government work.”
If I am a good tipper and always leave 20 percent — even when the waiter slaps my date on the butt — it is because I can usually figure out 20 percent of the bill (take the first number and double it, right?), whereas trying to figure 15 percent (or God help me 17.5) would leave me as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
I WON’T EVEN try to do my income taxes anymore. Tax time used to put me in an angry, foul mood for weeks. All those state and federal forms were like some kind of SAT test that was all math and no essay portion where I could tell the government where to stick it. The least the IRS could do is make the form multiple choice. At least then I’d have a small chance of getting some of the answers right.
I suspect that my mathematical weakness, like my poor eyesight, is genetic. My parents were average math students at best, and my siblings seem nearly as inept at math as I am. They, too, have all gone on to professions where the ability to add sums is not a requirement: social work, English teaching, lawyering.
Fortunately, my son has inherited none of my arithmetical inaptitude. His mother is a mathematical wizard, which must have been why I married her. My hope is that whatever gene is responsible for my mathematical ineptness dies with me.
Galileo famously said that mathematics was the language God used to write the universe. Great, with my luck, I’ll have to pass some kind of geometry test to get into heaven.
About the Author
Christopher Orlet writes from St. Louis.
Letter to the Editor View all comments (59) | Leave a comment
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Richard Baker| 6.4.10 @ 6:50AM
Having been a High School Math/Science teacher, I answered my students complaints thusly. Math teaches you an orderly process which helps discipline your mind. If you discipline your mind then there is nothing you can't accomplish. If you don't discipline your mind then there isn't much that you can accomplish. This applies throughout your life.
Mark| 6.4.10 @ 7:28AM
My mom was a math teacher. One of my sons is taking the actuary exams. Another son is an engineer. My daughter wants to be a math teacher. But I am sorry, Richard, it takes more than a disciplined mind to excel in math. It takes more than discipline to understand the gestalt of the whole beautiful process. Discipline is for arithmetic. Real math is a way of mind that is beyond discipline. Some minds aren't built for that. Some minds are built to paint, to write, to act, to speak, to inspire, to soar and take us to different worlds.
TonyRome| 6.4.10 @ 10:42AM
Mark, Here is a brain teaser for your wife. Find a big, big, big, big, big piece of paper and tear it ONCE, you now have two sheets stacked upon one another, tear the TWO sheets, (the second tear) you now have four sheets in the stack. Continue this until you have made 50 tears continuing to stack each time . (2,4,8,16,32,64,128,256,512,...). There is 500 sheets of paper to an inch. After 50 tears, how tall will the stack be? Make the kids (adults guess) at how tall that stack will be. Blow your mind and plug it into a computer, won't work on a calculator.
Tom| 6.4.10 @ 12:50PM
Since you did not tell us how thick the paper is the answer is unknowable.
John K. | 6.4.10 @ 1:19PM
Yes he did...500 sheets per inch. BTW, it works out to be ~35.5 Million Miles! Or about 75 round trips to the moon. I have a 1st grader at home and he LOVES math! Probably because both of his parents are engineers.
Cabermon| 6.4.10 @ 2:35PM
The paper's thickness is .002": 1"/500 sheets.
The answer is 35,539,759.8 MILES!!!!
(Thats about 3/8th of the way to the sun.
I converted to miles so I wouldn't have to use scientific notation.)
It's obvious that most Americans don't understand the significant difference among a million, a billion, and a trillion.
An Engineer
James| 6.4.10 @ 9:15PM
A little physical rationality here please...by the time you have torn your paper 16 times it will be about 1 square mm in size. Very doubtful you will get any farther than that, which would give you about an 11ft stack of fairy dust.
Paul Milenkovic| 6.5.10 @ 9:12AM
You, James, are an engineer. The rest of those bright young people are mere mathematicians.
TC| 6.6.10 @ 9:48PM
Remember - you have to start with a big, big, big, big big sheet of paper.
Melvin| 6.4.10 @ 8:14AM
In the seventies when Math was an elective. I remember my math teacher, a retired Marine holding his head in his hands looking up at me with pleading eyes, "Melvin,your going to need math in you life."
Back then I knew everything and I was going to conquer the world.
Numerous years later, when I was having trouble conquering the world, I settled on the Marine Corps and guess what, I promptly had the reality of math hit me head on during land navigation with a compass and a map.
The it got uglier in Weapons Company in a 81mm Mortar platoon where I had to learn Pythagoreans theorem.
Where was Texas Instruments when I needed them?
Alan Brooks| 6.4.10 @ 11:11PM
"If you discipline your mind then there is nothing you can't accomplish. If you don't discipline your mind then there isn't much that you can accomplish. This applies throughout your life."
A value-neutral statement. Pol Pot, Hitler, Stalin; all developed disciplined minds.
Perhaps this is why intellectuals are mistrusted by lowbrows, a certain number-- say 20 percent-- of intellectuals may possess powerful but bad minds.
Bill Hussein O'Stalin| 6.4.10 @ 7:18AM
In a high school math class there was a student who hated math. "What's your problem with math?" the teacher asked the student. "It's the numbers," the student replied, "there's too many of them."
Shamus| 6.6.10 @ 8:29AM
And some are irrational.
Keith I| 6.4.10 @ 7:24AM
"as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar"
One of the all time great lines to grace this website.
Sort of reminds me of Circuits Analysis in my Engineering studies. The only D that I ever reveived in high school or college but I said "as long as I don't flag this sonofabitch I never have to set foot in this classroom again!"
Ken (Old Texican)| 6.4.10 @ 7:57AM
MAYBE THE MOST IMPORTANT ARTICLE THIS YEAR
(copy and save this one folks. Sorry Christopher, it has math in it, smile).
http://www.americanthinker.com.....ssion.html
R Martin| 6.4.10 @ 8:08AM
"I'd be racking up millions at Goldman Sachs committing securities fraud."
The lazy mind that reinforces the negative stereotype of Goldman Sachs as a fraudulent entity is likely behind your inability to master a discipline that requires logical thought. Proportionately I suspect there are far more dishonest writers that there are Goldman Sachs millionaires.
George Marlowe| 6.4.10 @ 9:55AM
Very well said R Martin.
Maddox| 6.4.10 @ 8:09AM
Yes, Ken(OldTex) I read that article and agree with you. No one ever answers the question of how to prepare, they just issue warnings.
Ken (Old Texican)| 6.4.10 @ 9:41AM
Maddox,
I am here going to take a stab at how to prepare. Hopefully, some fellow conversationalists will add their thoughts.
1. Adjust your whole world view.
2. Buy the Mormon food storage book...right now before amazon.com runs out of them. (Feed your family for a year for $300)
3. Think of your priorities A. water B. food C. shelter D. Family defense against the "grasshoppers". E. heating your shelter. F. medicines and supplies (including vitamins). G. barter goods H. Build a library (books of knowledge and how to)
4. Think of how you can "quickly shrink" your cost of living (bankruptcy protection?)
5. in "deflation" cash is king...keep some under your "mattress"
6. in "Inflation" cash is crap. Trade/barter goods and know-how are king. (see 1, 2, and 3 above)
7. Think "extended family, or friends you can trust with your life" (fellow Church members?)....and a plan to get together.
8. three...(3) good quality pump up BB guns .177 caliber. (BBs are cheap cheap cheap for shooting birds for the pot.) and grain for a "bird feeder/baiter"
9. hand tools, (saws, hammers, post hole diggers, shovels, hoes, axes, work gloves etc.) .....and LOTS of 12 penny common nails.
10. Bicycles (rough terrain types with fat tires)
OK, back to number one above. (world view).
Be aware/alert.....outrun the crowds out of "Dodge".
Prepare "care packages" for refugees coming down the road...to wish them well in their travels.
Beware of "gubmint re-distributors"...stay skinny.
Make plans to join the "recovery"...what can you add to build everything back?
Ken (Old Texican)| 6.4.10 @ 9:44AM
Christopher,
For you and I, the most important "hand tool" might be a solar powered calculator. Heh.
Appleby| 6.6.10 @ 9:50AM
That would be *for you and me.* The checkback is to remove *you and* and see if the clause makes sense. You would not say *for I* so do not say *for you and I.*
I am dysnumeric, which means among other things that I have no spatial sense (and thus cannot draw or make any sense of geometric diagrams or maps, or tell my left from my right without visual aids) and cannot do arithmetic. Since I went through school in the 1950s and 1960s, I was branded *lazy and careless* and some teachers actually made fun of me because in all other subjects I am Mensa class and they assumed that it carried over. This is a lapse of logic that would sneer at Lebron James because he cannot learn ice dancing. I failed every math course I ever took, managed to find two good universities that required no math at all to graduate, and found a sympathetic bank clerk who would balance my chequebook for me, and I soldiered on. When the calculator was invented (and my chemistry teacher jeered at them as Rich Kids Toys and advised us to learn to use slide rules *like everybody else*) I took Algebra in night school and got the second highest grade in the class. I can do math. I cannot do arithmetic. This is not laziness, carelessness, an undisciplined mind or *Girls Cant Do Math.* This is a flaw in my brain.
Incidentally, I have found that many of the people who make fun of those of us with dysnumreria are illiterate...not necessarily meaning you, but some of you science mavens, think about it before you jeer.
Tim| 6.4.10 @ 1:24PM
Hopefully Texas is working on a pedal powered laptop so that he can keep posting during the Obamacolypse.
shockwaver| 6.4.10 @ 8:11AM
as an undergraduate i had the same kind of problem. the phd program i aspired to required profeciency in a foreign language. your description fits my delimma perfectly. for 4 semesters i spent most of my optional time studying for at least a d- in german.
just i got through, the language requirement was dropped.
by comparison, completing the phd in physics turned out to be as easy as 1-2-3.
i really believe our brains are wired differently at birth.
Ret.| 6.4.10 @ 8:43AM
I don't see math as a problem, I don't do math, no problem.
Tenn Slim| 6.4.10 @ 9:21AM
Opine
My sentiments exactly. Later in life, I actually do my own taxes. I view the math as a challenge vs the IRS. So far, so good.
Semper FI
We WILL Prevail
end
Obi1| 6.4.10 @ 10:04AM
Enjoyed it. It's difficult to convince students that most anyone can achieve math proficiency with practice, at least a lot more than think they can. I can learn the piano with practice but I may not be predisposed to it. Still I'm sure I could get better with practice.
The other point from the comments that the reason to learn math is to discipline the mind is not a sufficient reason. There are many activities that can add discipline that would be more fun, like playing chess. Math's inherent usefulness is why it is taught. It's elegance is why I enjoy it oftentimes, but it's utility must be stressed. But sadly that is what is lacking in many classrooms.
David| 6.4.10 @ 10:17AM
In the 7th and 8th grade I had for my math teacher a lady who had previously taught my mathematically gifted senior valedictorian sister. Within weeks this dedicated teacher, who defined math as a "game", was throwing her hands up in despair at my vast numerical inability. She, and I, persevered, however; we had no choice. At the end of two long years I won the 8th grade math award, not because I had the best grades or the most mathematical talent (yes, it is a talent), but because I worked the hardest to accomplish what I did. I ended up with a solid B, and that's where I am to this day mathematically. I will never grasp quantum mechanics, but I can do my own taxes. The point: Hard work can make up for a lack of natural ability to a certain extent.
Maddox| 6.4.10 @ 10:41AM
Ken (Old Tex) Thanks! I have already started working on about 7 of those and will add the others. Many of my friends and family consider me a nut but most of the stockpile is useful even in normal times.
I also think protection for family and supplies will be one of the most important tools.
Petronius| 6.4.10 @ 10:47AM
The only post with any sense on this thread is Ken's
Kick the angels off the pin head and pay attention just once. Our enemies inside the beltway use math to prevent us and our progeny from ever accumulating enough wealth to become free and independent. Their tax code is based on how much confiscation the average citizen will tolerate without rebelling. Their profligate spending is the means to that end as they leverage it against our future earnings which will continue to decline. The dollar bill has 1 printed in the corners but it really is an x as what it will buy today will most likely shrink next month. So will the value of our portfolios. They already control who will be allowed to ascend the social food chain via their control of academia and their legal establishment. The halt in economic growth inflicted by their budgetary policies prevents hiring in private sector. Ergo the freedom loving American sans college degree from their schools will at best remain a serf. Our enemies not only know math, but utilize it to construct the anthill we must live in. School's out.
Doug Lee| 6.4.10 @ 12:39PM
As a fellow woodworker, I can attest to the difficulty that math causes in making things fit -- not just fit well, fit AT ALL.
I hate fractions. Ever try adding 3/4 and 11/16? How about subtracting 2-5/32 from 8-9/16? Last weekend I had to do math the entire day as part of my "hobby." Why we still use fractional measurements instead of decimal ones is really, truly beyond me. It could be an anti-European bias, but really, it was Europeans who gave us the "inch" and its many fractions in the first place.
At least as a lawyer, all I need to know is how to divide by three.
Ken (Old Texican)| 6.4.10 @ 1:02PM
Doug,
Great post.
I CEOed one of the largest construction companies on earth.
One of my superintendents (non college) expressed it this way:
"Boss...you gotta' figure the tolerances. There's blond pubic hairs, red pubic hairs, and brunette pubic hairs."
Doug, those are tight but important tolerances.
Heh!
Fractions? Think "halves of halves".
George in AZ| 6.4.10 @ 4:56PM
I got thru high school algebra on a deal with the teacher: He would give me an F+ for the last period and thus a D- for the semester IF I promised not to come back. Over the years, tho, I got better. Working in a financial services, I built a model to risk-adjust capital. My boss thought it was just luck that I got consistent results, but I knew it was algebra. It felt good about that until I recalled he made millions each year and I made, uhhhh, less.
JP| 6.4.10 @ 5:02PM
Speaking of Goldman Sachs, Wall St, and math, finance theorists came up with all kinds of ways to predict small changes in the value or price of stocks, bonds, securities, etc... based upon complex theories involving numerical analysis and other higher forms of math. The banks were then able to create very complex financial packages and sell them to various investment banks, mutual fund managers, hedge fund managers, etc... And for 20 years they made out like crazy.
axbucxdu| 6.4.10 @ 6:06PM
They're making out like crazy now, too. No math involved either - priority connections to the Fed and the U.S. Treasury are all that's required.
Shamus| 6.6.10 @ 8:38AM
You need math to count out the bribe money.
W. Barton| 6.4.10 @ 6:25PM
You right wing pimps still whoring Jesus i see. Just like the lefties do with Sharpton and Jackson, you sickos have your own pimp cane carrying Bible whores. In my humble opinion of course.
You know as much about the true church as L. Ron Hubbard. But then you clowns are all wild eyed Jim Jones style demons.
"depart from me you cursed, i never knew you", is all Jesus will have to say to 99% of this sicko gathering hell hole.
Dan Hirsch| 6.4.10 @ 9:07PM
W. Barton;
Please tell us you've been drinking. Otherwise we'll have to think you are decidedly, incredibly stupid.
We're talking mathematics here....
W. Barton| 6.5.10 @ 4:52PM
Typical High School Harry responses from the sickest bunch of right wing Bible whores ever.
Why don't you clowns go have a circle jerk, and maybe you will feel better.
W. Barton| 6.5.10 @ 5:06PM
The Lanquage of God, and the Texican old drunken Mormon apostate, are all one needs to see what a gang of fools post here. So spare me the "we are only talking math" crap. All you phonies Bible prostitutes do is stealthfully permeated in religion, or for the purpose of cramming your twisted misunderstanding of the truth down children and mental midget's throats.
Emmit Tyrell is one of the biggest whores of Jesus, in my humble opinion, than Jimmy Swaggart.
Why don't you right wing pulpit pimps just admit you worship money, and adulterated sex, as proven by a litany too long to list of Republican hypocrite sex perverts. You would be taken seriously then, instead of pretending to be so holier than thou Christian Talibanis.
Nick| 6.4.10 @ 9:23PM
What would you know about Christ, Barton?
You are an anti-Semite.
Allen Hanson| 6.4.10 @ 6:52PM
I've heard Hell is all about story problems, actually. At least, that's the Gary Larson version.
Richard Baker| 6.5.10 @ 7:10AM
Mark:
You need to read my message again. While I said it in a Math class, my meaning, which was understood by my kids, was that of comparing a disciplined versus an undisciplined mind. Mathematics was just one way to achieve that goal but achieve it you must. Your Mother would have understood my meaning.
Mr. Orlet| 6.5.10 @ 9:17AM
Mr. Orlet:
Who better to write that series of articles on the Federal Budget?
All of those weenies who are telling you how good they are in math or how math "toughens the brain" or some such thing would breeze through writing those articles, which would then be utterly opaque like the rest of mathematics.
Since you don't understand math, you will struggle with it and come up with a better way of explaining it to a wider audience.
Paul Milenkovic| 6.5.10 @ 9:18AM
Sorry, my name is Mr. Milenkovic -- I ment to address this to Mr. Orlet.
Margie| 6.5.10 @ 12:51PM
I loved reading this article, because as a math flunkee, I could relate. It was the main reason I never graduated high school. It is the main reason I could never have a high paying job. Fortunately I have learned to at least compensate by becoming a super savvy ebay seller! My husband takes care of the mathematical end. How do I figure at what price to sell things? I keep it simple~ Buy low, sell high. At least doubly, if not 3x, depending on the collectability of the item. Works for me.
Jeff Perren | 6.5.10 @ 1:43PM
Very amusing, Mr. Orlet.
I happen to be pretty good at mathematics, having aced it all through school and spent several years in graduate programs in Physics. I also know a fair amount about economics and real-world government budget type stuff.
So, if your editor is looking for someone who can handle assignments you can't, please have him or her contact me. I could use the work.
:)
Long Ben | 6.6.10 @ 12:41AM
It would seem Mr Baker has the insufferable math gene. I say fi on pi , make mine pie.
sbpoor| 6.6.10 @ 5:44PM
A very young lady with an enthusiasm for math makes her first apple pie. 'Not bad dear", says her Mom, "but pies are supposed to be round and yours has four corners". "But mother, I learned in school that the area of a circle is pie are square!".
F= M*A, ya'll.
So you can now start throwing things are me.
sbpoor| 6.6.10 @ 5:46PM
But first, let me remember to check for typos. "are me" indeed, I've never been in the service.
Richard Baker| 6.7.10 @ 12:18PM
Mr. Baker does NOT have the Math Gene. However, I understand that hard work and discipline can be used to accomplish most anything. Again, my kids understood my meaning and the adults seem befuddled.
dk| 7.1.10 @ 4:28AM
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